Just Saying...

Snow as an aphrodesiac???

2012-02-26T11:25:00.000-08:00

Please explain to me this:

Why is it when it snows, I suddenly crave red wine and sultry music?

.......GO!

Updates....Jobs, Unemployment, Accutane, Roommate.

2012-02-24T17:02:00.000-08:00

I feel like I haven't written in sometime. Although I am reading all of you. :)

Just some general updates for you.

Jobs:
There haven't been many offers since I quit the last job. Which I've also learned from staff there, that they're having a hard time filling the position. Two people have been hired and walked out since I was there. Even talk of calling me and asking me to come back. Not a chance! There isn't enough money in the world they could pay me to go back there.

I'm signed on now with 5 agencies. The interviews are slowing down. And CL is a joke. I only have one severance cheque left, and then I'm living off the buyout and savings. I might actually have to apply for EI. :( not happy. The roommate says to take a shitty job until something better comes along. Fair enough, but the offers still have to be there, and they're not.

Roommate:
We're getting along for the moment. It's been a few weeks. He's being the guy that he first was when he moved in. I like that guy. Who knows what tweaked him to start being nicer, but I'll take it.

Accutane:
I've been off the Accutane for a month now. Within a week of being off, I started to notice that I did not have to lube my lips and inner nose nearly as much. How quickly the aches and pains are dissipating. Not nearly as tired as I use to be. Hair, well, it's still thin, but I do believe it's growing back.

I did have a minor break out a week before my pill was taken, and then another after that. Since then, my face is looking good. It's not unusual for people to have to do a second cycle of it. I might be one of those people. However, I do have to wait 7-12 months before starting again. Really just have to give my body a break.

Was it worth it? I think so. Knowing ahead of time how it would treat my body was key in its success. I'll update the Accutane entries for others, so they have all the links in one sitting. I just haven't felt like writing lately.

Hmmm, what else?
I threw my back out this past Friday. I was moisturizing my legs on the side of the tub, leaned forward and everything started to seize up. By midnight I could no longer lift my legs. The pain was too much. I had to take a cab to the hospital. :( Not bad really, round trip was only 2 hours.

While I was there, after xrays etc, the nurses administer two shots in my ass.
1. morphine. 2. an anti-inflammatory. Anti-inflammatory and I do not get along, but nothing I can't handle. However, codeine... hates me.

I had a horrible reaction to the morphine and percocets they had me take. Scary to see people running around you when you start reacting. Then stupid me, took a percocet before my hair apt on Saturday so I could get thru the apt, and had another very adverse reaction to it. Yup, probably allergic to codeine. My hairdresser and her staff were amazing. Made sure I was comfortable etc. I wasn't leaving, I waited two months for that apt, I wasn't giving it up unless I absolutely had too!!

I have new medication for my back. I'm not a fan of taking medication in general, but what a difference! I have a muscle relaxer for bedtime. An anti-inflamatory with special coating for my stomach and a pain killer. That's a lot of drugs. Add physio and I'm walking again as of Tuesday! Woot woot!

Thankfully I meet with my new family doctor next week and getting an allergy test will be first priority.

So Glad I Quit.

2012-02-17T10:39:00.000-08:00

Received my pay cheque from the job I recently quit. And man, am I glad I did.
They did not pay me what we agreed upon. The girl I was to replace, did payroll while I was there at the correct amount. After the events took place, the boss voided that cheque and wrote a new one. One for much, much less than what they were originally offering me, and clearly not what we agreed upon.

Needless to say, I'm on the phone with labour relations to find out about filing a claim for the lost wages they stole from me. If anything, she'll learn that I'm serious about this and she can't treat people they way she did. Plus, it will be a mark on their name.

I didn't get it in writing, but they will have to provide proof of all cheques the company has written and then explain why that change was made.

Even my application salary expectations were higher, and the lower of the range was circled with a check mark. So to pay me 8 dollars less than that.... not cool.

If nothing comes of this, at least they'll know this is serious. Karma will find you.

I am a horrible, horrible person.

2012-02-12T15:53:00.000-08:00

I forgot my Dad's anniversary.

With all the stress of quitting what would have been a great job, being unemployed, and milestone B-day's, I've been so self absorbed with my own bullshit, I forgot the anniversary of my Dad's passing.

I'm a horrible, horrible person.

Not once in 8 years have I forgotten. It's not like it's the only day I think about him, I think of him very often. How, HOW could I forget such a day?

I have to go drown my sorrows now, or jump off a bridge or something.

Don't forget to hug and tell someone you love them today, everyday.

xo

I Love, Love.

2012-02-12T11:07:00.000-08:00

Valentines Day has always been a thorn in my side. Even when I was young. I always thought it to be ridiculous that a day on the calendar says you must express your love for whomever that day. Some might say it’s not that different from Christmas. It’s a day in the year that says you have to do this. But that’s a blog for another day.

I love, love. I love everything that has to do with it. I long to be a wife, just so I can have a balance of give and take. I love having special inside stories and jokes, and the little things that make love great. Of course I do not have to be married to have any of that, although an exclusive relationship will do just fine.

It’s the heating a towel in the dryer and hugging me when I get out of the bath when I’m sick. It’s sitting in the bathroom with me rubbing my lower back when the IBS/Crohns episodes come. Love is playing with my hair and touching my leg or arm when we’re watching TV, but not wrapped up like pretzels. The unspoken communication.

Of course this is a two way street. I’ve bought porn and hired a stripper for a b/f’s 25th B-Day. Invited all the guys from his hockey team and took the hockey g/f’s out for drinks and dinner, so they would never be any the wiser while the boys enjoyed a guys night. Hosted by yours truly, the best girlfriend ever!

However, when it comes to celebrating Valentines Day, well, I just rather not. I’m not one for big gestures. Take me for beer and wings and I’m a happy camper. However if you want to do something a little bigger, do on a different day. A “just because”. Those I’m a huge fan of. As much of a hopeless romantic I am, I’m not overly romantic. Well not the forced kind anyway. Most guys get off easy while dating me. I’m not a huge fan of PDA’s. But in private, I’m the biggest cuddle slut there ever was. That of course, is how I like things when I’m part of a couple.

Hello Single-hood and Valentines Day. Surprisingly I’m not all that bitter about it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m bitter, just not about being single and VD. Lol no not the venereal disease. You wienies.
I’m happy for others when they find all that and more.

What I don’t care for, are those in-your-face-sappy people I just want to kick when they thrust upon me their unsolicited input. “Don’t worry, you’ll find the right man to treat you this way." Great. Yes I want a man, but I don’t want all the sap. No poems, gifts, over sappy compliments.

I’m Okie dokie with not being overly affectionate with my spouse spilling all over each other in public like I’m trying to prove something. If it works for you, great, but keep it to yourself. I don’t like feeling like a third wheel or uncomfortable on a bus while you two make out.. just sayin.

What I do hate about V-Day is the hype. All the hallmark stuff that the media seems to want to instill into our brains that us women (as a target) are less of a being if we do not have someone to buy us things! Grrrrrr.

How do men get off the hook so easy? Why are they not targets? Why do women not have to do any big ta-da’s for men? Maybe we do, like wearing something slutt-ish in the bedroom, spicing it up for our men.

Wait, isn’t that a just a random Tuesday night when you great him at the door, beer in hand, in your French maid outfit? Meh, maybe that’s just me. ;-)

I find some of the most romantic things between two people, just happen. It’s not forced.

You could be running errands together and get into a food fight in the farmers market at Granville Island, and promptly get kicked out. Drinking beer from the microbrewery and decide to take the water taxi’s everywhere, just because you can. Get into a leaf fight after rolling down some semi-wet hill on the seawall like little kids.

Random is romantic.

Being single, again for this time of year, isn’t that bad. I’ll get together with girl/boy friends and hit the bar. See some live music, enjoy their company and smile at those who are in glorious bliss having a special someone in their lives, as I watch in my own blissness with those who are special to me.

I will continue to never let anyone feel less special or loved cos they do not have a spouse as per the evil media would suggest. And with that, one day, someone will naturally fit into my life.

I love love.

Neurotic Much?

2012-02-10T19:16:00.000-08:00

I am a complete and utter neurotic spazz the last couple days.

I'm bored, lonely, anxious, emotional, angry, sad, hyper, and entirely too lazy to do a damn thing about any of it.

I hate being stressed.

The old work wife asked a good question about me quitting my job after only 4 days. Will it effect me getting EI if I end up having to apply for it. I don't think so, but who knows.

I woke up tired, after getting a decent sleep. Took a nap, and for the 3rd day in a row, the fucking roommate came home 3-4 hours early.

Good thing I hadn't planned on having any sex while I "thought" he'd be at work. Fucker. Although he did tell me to get ploughed this weekend, as he's having someone over next week. Scowled at him, to go to her house! There is no reason to have any girls (that are not his gf) over here. If I had a car, I'd defiantly go to the guys house. He should pay me the same courtesy he requests from me - as he threw a huge hissy fit a month ago, when he came home a few hours early and I had someone here. Or any time I mention I might have someone over, he gets bent and stops talking to me. So ya, he can go to their house.

I'm seriously starting to freak out about not finding a job. I've been looking since November, applied to over 200 jobs, temped a little, and been on bullshit interviews where the positions were already filled.

About to lose my shit. I'll be speaking with an employment lawyer next week about the events that took place Tuesday. Cos had that not happened, I'd still be there. Now, it's costing me money. Hopefully (though doubtful) that bitch realizes she can not treat people that way if she doesn't wants them to walk out on the job. Blows my mind (so the grapevine says) that she's still insisting I owe her an apology. Her!!!

A new ad on CL appeared, so I wrote a blurb in response to it, warning people about her. The job=great. The boss = eats a special kind of crazy. That's the gist of of it anyways.

Freaking out people. Freaking.Out.

......AND I'M UNEMPLOYED

2012-02-07T20:58:00.000-08:00

OMG WHERE TO BEGIN!
Thank gawd for my severance package. Even without it, I would have quit today!

3 beers in and my mind still can't wrap my head around what happened today.

First of all, special Thanks to Single & Picky and anyone else I called in the last 6 hours with the events unravelling today.

This entry will be full of 'like ya know" type talk cos, I can't imagine writing this and not still being in the heat-of-the-moment shock.

Okay, starting from the beginning would probably be best:

Last week I was offered a job on a trial basis.
Two days in(Friday), I was offered the job.
Monday, I officially accepted the position.

I was excited for this job. I like the people. It had a good vibe. It was close to home. I even excused the gut feeling I was having to S&P as nerves due to a new job etc.
I negotiated my wages and they accepted. I accepted.

Enter today. Tuesday.
About noon, the girl I'm replacing doubled over in pain. Spiking a low fever, and shaking and trying to down play how much pain she is in. She received a new insulin pump yesterday - thinking that might have something to do with how she feels etc. Though she said it was different and something was wrong. With her description, those of us that have had our appendix out, thought the worse. Add her being Type 1, this could turn bad quickly.

The boss asked if anyone could drive standard. I spoke up etc. I was instructed to drive this girl (daughter in law) to the hospital and to stay with her. I agreed.

An hour after getting her admitted, the nurses page me. ME. We approach the nurses triage area. Them looking pissed! Asking if I was Just Saying. I am. It was the boss.
SCREAMING AT ME! To get my ass back to the office immediately. This was not the deal we had, and to get back NOW! I looked at the poor girl in shock, said nothing in response and handed the phone back to the triage nurses apologizing profusely.

At this point I'm boiling with rage. I inform my co-worker that today would be my last day after explaining what just took place on the phone. In as much shock as I was in, she divulged she didn't care. Our boss had just fucked up a good thing. I'm a quick study, and got the job and was doing pretty much on my own at this point.

Once my co-worker was admitted, I went outside to return the calls I had missed from the boss. Thinking (see what happens when I think) that maybe she had wrapped her head around the situation at hand. Nope. She torn into me without me saying a word other than my name and Hello. I did not get one word in edgewise, other than talking over her to inform her I was not leaving this girl alone in emerge until someone came to relieve me, and hung up.

Fast forward a few hours. The police have arrived. The boss reported my co workers car stolen!!! Stolen. That's right, I put the owner of the car in the vehicle and drove her to the hospital, then waited. That was cleared up. Seriously? You think I'm returning to the office after you tried to have me arrested????

It's not a complete afternoon if the police are not approaching you in the emergency room. Geez.

Her fiance arrives (the bosses son) and extremely rude to me. I text my coworker he's there and leave him with her key, the stall # and he needs to top her up. BTW. This Hospital is $18 for 4 hours. Find parking underground or on the street if you're able.

By the time I get home, both the sons, and my other co worker have all either texted or left voicemail, apologizing and asking to stay in touch. I was only there 4 days!!!! Her fiance apologized via voicemail for the way he treated me. I do not hold him accountable, cos at the point of his arrival he only had on side of the story. His Mum's.

Looooooooong story short. My co worker.... both her ovaries have ruptured. She'll be having surgery about midnight tonight. We've been chatted via text. She's 25. And her chances of having children, after a 5cm cyst ruptured, and took her one ovary with it. (the other was misdiagnosed as a bladder infection last week) have decreased immensely. :(

Poor girl. Like I was going to leave her alone in emerge. Ever.

Upon arriving home, I checked all my voicemail. I've been fired! Dude, I fucking quit 5 hours ago. And payroll was done yesterday. :)

......And was your Tuesday?

AND.......

2012-02-04T09:54:00.000-08:00

.....I'm employed!

I found this position on my own, not thru any of the 4 fucking agencies I'm using, who could only find me temp work.

I was asked to do a trial with this employer Thursday/Friday. And if we both felt we were a good fit, they'd make an offer. When I went into the interview, I was hired within minutes!Which is kind of nice. I'll get back to that in a minute.

They advised me the trail would be at a very small wage. So small, I'd make more on EI. Yup. The position would be at a few dollars more if hired permanently.

Went home, thought about it. Crunched the numbers, and freaked out completely on Elizabeth Singleton. What the hell was I thinking agreeing to those wages when I wouldn't take them from any of the agencies I was using. I couldn't pay my rent without a roommate, and I always calculate my finances without one. Blurred mind due to be frustrated about temping etc.

Half way thru my first day, we're just running thru the work load, my head spinning, I realize their wages are very unreasonable for the amount of experience required to do this work load. I did have a little leverage as this girl is leaving next Friday, and were advising people on the phone the position was already filled. I haven't even accepted the position yet. Finally getting a chance to talk to the owner/boss explaining my concerns etc. End result being that if they couldn't meet my wages, I couldn't work for them.

End of the day, they agreed, and I accepted.

It's different. It's a small family owned business, so things are little unprofessional as far as how things are managed. But the vibe is good.

After I receive my first official pay stub with my wages on it, will determine if I stay or not. They can say they'll pay me whatever, though until it's in my account at that amount... I'm not committed to the position.

*My pay schedule is every second Friday, which just blows my mind. :(
I'll have to adjust how I've managed my finances, my.whole.life.
*I'll be hourly, not salary?
*Benefits start after 3 months not 6, :), but have to pay a portion myself. :(
*No direct claims, have to pay out of pocket first. :(
*Have to rotate statutory holiday with my coworker to accept deliveries to the plant. Booo but it = double time. :).
*It's close to home. 30 mins each way. Not an hour. :)
*All lunches from the Deli and cheese purchases are free. :) Home made Italian everything.
*Dress code is casual.

I get along well with the girl who's position I'll be over seeing. Apparently she's difficult. Even the plant workers have walked by mentioning I"ll fit in if K likes me already. That's a plus.

I'm excited to have a work load without the micro managing. My work is my responsibility, and aside from my co worker and the accountant(off site), no one else is actually going to supervise my work. I learned a few accounting software programs yesterday. Ones, my old boss felt would be too difficult to show me. Thanks D. The longer I'm away from my old position the happier I'm finding myself. It was draining to beg for a work load, only to have every aspect of it micro-managed to death.

On a scale of 1 -10, understanding the job, and doing it, I'm told is sitting at a 7-8 on my second day. I thought it was lower, but they know the job better than I do at the moment.

The roommate and I have had a great week and a bit. Not sure what changed or if I need to still be on guard a little. But whatever is going on in his head that is allowing peace to exist in our house, I'm cool with it. I'm sure the other shoe will drop sooner or later.

Went for Lebanese food @ Nuba in Vancouver last night with Single & Picky. Good food, good company. A little expensive for what you get, but the food was divine. Never thought to use a rosewater/wine reduction in/on anything. It was bloody addictive. I'm sure we'll be back together and with other people. I would definitely suggest it as a place for a date. The staff are genuinely friendly, and although you're not rushed, the food comes out at a good pace.

Temping Isn't as Evil as I Though.

2012-01-30T19:39:00.000-08:00

It's not.
If each assignment is only a couple weeks at a time and the assignments are frequent, I could..... get use to it. Great way to meet a lot people and tone in on different skills at the same time.

I'm currently temping for a company located inside the Birks Building in Vancouver.
I love, love, love the historic district of Vancouver. And to have the chance to get inside many buildings in the last couple weeks, that I otherwise wouldn't have, has been a treat!

My current assignment is available for a a permanent fill. However after one day there, I've pretty much decided I'll work the assignment and leave the permanent spot for someone else.

In 6 hours, I learned the position, faster and took on more than she was expecting . Easy and insanely busy! Love it!What I do not love, are the people's attitudes. I was met with a fake politeness from my immediate supervisor. As nice as she actually is, she'd make jaded comments like the following all day long:

"If you work out, you're probably a gluten for punishment like me."
"We frown upon taking any time off, for things like doctor apts, or floater days etc"
"We have summer hours in July/August, I bet you've never known a company to do that?" (I informed her of the perks of my last position, having a compressed work week.all.year.long. ;-)

When asked/assuming the company takes good care of their staff as they've all been there a really long time, reply: "Ptff, no, not really. The benefits are good though"

I'm all for work hard/play hard attitude, I asked if the staff hang out together after work for drinks, or do other social things as a company etc, she replied with a look like I had three heads. There was my answer. Actually she did say, it happens, rarely, and it's more of a "Its checking out time, SEEE YA!"

On top of those responses, the office is like a million degrees and I'm sweating in all the wrong places!!!! So gross.

Ya, I'm not sure this is a company I want to work for. I don't want to be miserable. I know, I know, I'm unemployed and I shouldn't be choosy. Really? They fired the last temp of 5 weeks, cos she happened to mention she was THINKING about moving back to her country in roughly 5-6 years. They ended her position immediately, which brings us to today, enter me.

A little torn, cos I really dig the position, though, that is it. I'd like for the people I work with to be social within the company, and/or outside too. It keeps morale up, and helps productivity if you like the people you have to see for 90% of waking hours. Granted it's a small office of only 8 people in Vancouver, although the company is global.

Still..... not jazzed about trucking an hour into Vancouver to work with people who could care less about their associates one way or another.

Input.... GO!

I Fell in Love with East Vancouver Today.

2012-01-26T16:54:00.001-08:00

I was in East Vancouver today, willingly. It’s not the most desirable areas the city has to offer, or so you’d think. The Strathcona neighbourhood, borders the DTES. (Downtown eastside) British Columbia’s oldest residential neighbourhood. It is bordered by Chinatown to the west, Clark Drive to the east, Burrard Inlet on the north, and Canadian National Railway and Great Northern Railway to the south.

Being so close to the DTES, you would never know you’re so close to the most dangerous part of the city in all of Canada after dark. The people, while sketchy looking, and smelling bad, only as a below the poverty line community can, there is beauty. Lots of it. People smile, and are warm, and kind.

While looking obviously lost, a very undesirable man approached me. Being raised in the city, you’re always a little on guard when someone walks towards you like this. Prepared for him to ask me for money on a remote road, robbing me if he felt the urge; he asked if I was lost, and offered his expertise on the area with a kind smile, then went about his way. Knocked my pretentious ass down a few notches.

I was only supposed to be in East Vancouver for a small project I was doing for a friend. After getting distracted by hidden gem after hidden gem tucked away in this decrepit little neighbourhood that the rest of the city has written off, I fell in love; with East Vancouver. There are ghosts f old houses with huge yards, you could tell once stood a strong neighbourhood. Where people had gardens cos they probably couldn’t afford to buy their fruit and veggies, cloth lines cos people knew how to conserve energy and money when you didn’t have any other choice. A concept the city is realizing again, and has lifted the bylaw against cloth lines and owning chickens. J You want your province to flurioush again and “go green”, then stop being such a prude and lift old bylaw bands you put in place cos you once thought they were an eyesore.

There is so much rich culture, history and not to mention the architect. Buildings that are colourful, charming and were probably once the boast of the town, when the milling, logging and railways were being built, now look like old forgotten movie sets. Now run down, barely standing, are sad reminders of an area that once flurioushed with love. You can tell this was, and still is a working town. Being less than a block off the Burrard Inlet, this industrial area still has a little shine in her with the Grouse Mountain so close; you could almost see the people doing the grind. Kidding, but you know you’re somewhere special when you take a moment to look around.

Vancouver is worldwide known for its diversity in cultures. We have the largest Sikh community in North America in Delta, next to India itself. We have Chinatown, and little Italy. There is so much, much more than that. Get off the bus, get out of your car, and walk around. Tucked away in-between those stores, and designated areas, there is a Latin, Turk, and Ethiopia communities. A nice change from what we consider to be the norm here.

After spending an hour of my head exploding at the Antique & Marketing warehouse on Franklen Street, practically under the port bridge to the longshoremen area, there is this store. Walked in, and fell.in.love. All the pieces are rustic and well over a few hundred years old. Some doors have been converted into tables. I found one, and will spend the $1595.00 is cost and put my own legs on it. It’s a must have. The staff was great, and non-pressuring. A hidden goldmine of amazing stuff; from buildings in our city that no longer exist, and some from the owner’s own travels. Anyone with a pretty penny to send on a one of a kind piece of furniture, this is a must. To think in the near future, my dinning room table will be a 160-year-old door with its hinges still on it. Companies certainly don’t make shit to last like that anymore. It will probably last another 160 years. Add some leather chairs, and whola, you have a piece that everyone will love.

Walking to the bus stop, I ended up in front of Latin Organic Coffee House on E.Hastings. Deciding to pop in and grab a latte for my ride home was by far the best thing I could have done all day. The gentleman behind the counter was a treat. Excited to have clientele. He went on to tell me his coffee would ruin me for all other coffee out there. Smiling to be polite, I thought, “sure it will”, cos every coffee house on the planet claims this. Not being a fan of Starbucks or Timmy’s, what did I have to lose? O.M.G. best damn latte ever! So much so, I went back in and bought a pound of their regular coffee, missing my bus in the process. Sold. I’m a coffee snob now.

Bothering Single & Picky at school with texts of excitement from my adventures, she was equally thrilled that I fell in love with it as she resides in the area. I’ll be spending more time down there on nice days for sure. As I hopped back on the bus, and then the train, entering the hub of the rat race, I became sad, at the views of what now seem cold starch neighbours of townhouses without yards, no kids playing in the streets, no mum and pop shops. The rest of the city seems….. Cold, lifeless, and poor from the riches of true communities and culture. It should be everywhere, not just little corners tucked away that people forgot about cos the government doesn’t think it’s worth preserving or mentioning.

Do yourself a favour, and get out of your car, get off the bus and walk around in a neighbour you’ve avoided treading into cos the media said you should. Be smart about it of course. Chances are I wouldn’t venture into the neighbour after dark without friends.

Small Update & Accutane Update

2012-01-21T00:13:00.000-08:00

First of all. I TOOK MY LAST ACCUTANE PILL TODAY! Boo-yah!

I'm under a tremendous amount of stress these days. My face broke out two weeks ago and still hasn't healed. I have a derm apt this coming Tuesday to confirm I'm done. Maybe one more month, but gawd I hope not. A proper update on the Accutane will follow soon.

**My face broke out.
Was it all for nothing? Or simply stress related?

**I can't find full time work that pays enough to pay my rent and bills WITHOUT a roommate.

**The roommate and I are not getting along at all.

He took a low blow tonight. I called him out on it, via text (don't judge us, it's easier this way). We're getting into the thick of things and he's decided that we no longer need to speak to each other, ever. He'll pay his rent and stay in his room.

Okay, so not cool. I need us to be getting along and being civil with each other if you're living here. I can't have someone living in my home that hates me, and thinks being verbally abusive is funny. Like I said, we're working on some details at the moment, but it's not looking good. We've even argued about the way I look for work. Apparently I'm a dumb-ass and should search the black hole in my head that I call a brain....I'm not allowed to be a bitch while under stress (yes I did a shitty thing to him 3 weeks ago) but he's allowed to be verbally abusive (he thinks it's funny to goat me) and hold a grudge.

I am never going to have a normal roommate situation am I? Sure all people living together have rough spots, but this went from 95% okay to -15 disgusted by my existence in a blink of an eye. At least it seems that way. As I'm writing this, he's stopped replying to messages, but keeps sending his own. Sigh.

Until these last 3 weeks, I would praise him as a roommate. But having someone hate me in my home. It's a little steeper than I think I can manage right now. Three weeks ago, we were good. We were friends. Now.... Gaawwwd. Once I'm employed again, we'll revisit how we get along. I can't be the only one making the effort to fix this.

**I'm lonely.
I'm in desperate need of some male affection. not sex, just love and protection.

**I temped at a gaming company this past week.
Sooo mind numbingly dull. My ONLY responsibility was to answer the phones,and they only rang maybe 2 dozen times in 5 days. Although the staff more than made up for it. Besides, making some money while the time passes and looking for work is better than losing money while doing nothing.

**I've run away a million times with the "what ifs".
Over things that haven't happened yet. made myself vomit. :-( You can say, it will all work out, all you want, but what if it doesn't? Shouldn't I be preparing for that particular "what if?" I like to know where my next paycheck is coming from. The stability of routine in a 9-5 M-F job. I don't have that, I'm left alone with my thoughts, and boredom. Not a good combination.

That's all I have for you right now. I have to go cry. Again. Oh my gawd, the crying. I handle stress a different way every time. I don't believe I can control how my body reacts. This time, it's crying and vomiting. Fun times I tell ya.

Temping

2012-01-16T21:33:00.000-08:00

I'm temping this week at a gaming company in the lower mainland. I didn't think it was actually possible to do less than my last job. Seriously.

The pay is good, and hours suck and to sit there and stare at my computer screen and email people IF the phone decides to ring, is mind numbingly dull. However, the people, they're great!

It's only a week.

In other news.....
I dropped one of the employment agencies I was signed on with. I've been trying to make contact with the woman who is managing me as their client, since Jan 3rd!!

No return calls or emails. I sent off an unhappy email that I did not think they were working in my best interest etc. Her reply..... That she felt with my job skills, that I could prove to be unemployable and would probably have a difficult time finding suitable employment.

W.T.F!? Wow.

I forwarded this email to her boss, with more words expressing my disappointment with this particular agent. I've received what seemed to be a sincere letter of apology and their plan of action to handle this agent. I still dropped them. There is nothing that can reverse that kind of sour taste.

But great. It's mid Jan and I'm still unemployed. I can only lower my wage bracket so much before needing a roommate as opposed to getting ahead by having one.

I'm seriously surprised at the qualifications employers are asking for, for a dollar or two over minimum wage. Insanity I tell ya! Crazy.

Discouraged, is an understatement at this point. The what if's are becoming a reality. What if I don't find a job? What if I have to move? What if, what if, what if?

This would explain why with a week left (count 4 days left) on the Accutane, my face looks worse than we started this whole process. Needless to say, I'm making an appointment with my Derm. Maybe do another month at my own cost. :( An expense I really can't afford, but I don't want all this to be for nothing.

Let's see...what else?
The roommate and I are getting along for the moment. We're treading lightly, but at least we're talking to each other, no longer grunting defensive tones at each other.

I've been reading your blogs lately, though haven't commented on much.

What have you all been up too?

Comments are Frozen

2012-01-12T20:10:00.002-08:00

I can not reply to any comments at the moment.
Blogger doesn't load the page properly and freezes the page completely.

I'll try again tomorrow.

Stress is a BITCH! FML

2012-01-12T00:09:00.000-08:00

Ensue rambling....

**I'm stressed to the point of my face breaking out! A week. 8 days, before I take my last fucking Accutane pill. I put my body thru 10 months of bone pain, hair falling out, bleeding noses, dry itchy skin, and extreme fatigue. And for what? Was it all for nothing?

**Can't find a job that pays enough to pay my bills (without a roommate) and stressed to the point I'm a mega uber bitch.

**Stressed to the point that the roommate and I are barely on speaking terms. Ya I hurt his feelings last week by having a guy over, (he came home hours early) and it pissed him off. It wasn't til I ranted to a friend she mentioned he's jealous. I thought, that's sweet, and weird. Cos he has a gf. Which means nothing these days from the track record my male friends have. So what does he do? He has 2 different girls over in 3 days, flaunting the point of having them over.

The one didn't bother me, but the other; there was something about the way he primped for her arrival that got completely under my skin.

Oh, let's back up here, Single and Picky knows this, but the rest of you don't. We slept together. Yup. He has a gf and I did it anyways. Horrible I know. And until now, it's never been an issue. We've carried on like it was nothing.

The short of it is, we're both jealous. He was upset and jealous that I,(see single) had a guy over for intimate adventures, and did it to get back at me to intentionally be hurtful.

We talked about it yesterday and thought we came to an agreement of stepping back and starting from scratch. I walked away feeling good about it, that is, until I got home today and I'm at the receiving end of one word answers and grunts. Clearly still being hurt by my shitty attitude (it wasn't great) towards him cos he had someone over Monday. It was just the last small thing on the rest of my stress that completely set me off. Cried most of Monday out of sheer frustrations about everything. I tried to tell him we need to get pass this, cos I apologized once, for taking out my elevated stress levels out on him when he really didn't deserve it. Nope, still being a jerk.

Men, is being jerky a defensive mechanism to protect your feelings???

He's even gone as far as threatening (or stating fact)to move out twice in the last 24 hours. Which really made me smirk:
1) HE gave me a deadline of when *I* needed to have a job by, or he'd move out.
2) If talking about why he's mad at me, and trying to find a compromise is going to be an ongoing issue, he has no problem moving out.
3) In a very defensive tone, advised me we would never be sleeping together, ever, ever again!!! I just stood there and nonchalantly said "That sucks, but okay. It is what it is. I'm not going to try and convince you to change your mind". What else was I suppose to say?

1) It's my fucking apt, I'm a big girl. I know how long I can make my severance last. He shouldn't be concerning himself with that. If I think I'm going to have an issue, I'll let him know and he can make other arrangements. Not the other way around.

2) If living together and not speaking is acceptable to him, I can live with that. I didn't NEED him to live here. Ya it surely helps right now, but I managed for 9 years prior to him being here.

If he needs an out, then just take one. Don't pick a fight with me to warrant a reason to do so. So, I'll be giving him all the space he needs. And yes, it does hurts that our rapport isn't going to grow into a closer friendship. I need to be liked. Mostly for the fact we share a small space. But I'll be damned if I'll have a roommate dictate to me a deadline to find employment. Had he said it differently, I'm sure I wouldn't be nearly as defensive as I am right now. It is his personality to have conflict with women. He did warn me ahead of time that he was difficult to live with. And I ignored it, cos until now, he's been easy peasy to live with.

3) Ok. It is what it is. And really it is. He's got a ridiculously delicious body, but that's it. When the Douche and I broke up forever ago now, I had settled to the conclusion that my sex life was never going to be great again. So far, true. The only part about not sleeping together anymore, was, I was getting that fix of feeling wanted and desirable for those moments. Just enough to keep me sane and not going bat shit crazy. And that part sucks and will be missed.

I'm sure we'll smooth things over in time, a long time, cos man can he hold a grudge. I thought I was bad. We're both jealous of each other's love lives and shouldn't be one bit. We're fucked up.

All I want to do is throw myself on the ground and cry. I've had more stress cries in the past two weeks than I know what to really do with. I've never been unemployed more than a couple days at the longest. The fact I'm officially on Day 11 of being so, kills me, I'm bored, adding the stress of mutual jealously, and stress about my face... *sniff* *tear*.

FML. I'm hurt. I'm fragile, scared and unliked by the person living in my house.

Being Honest...

2012-01-07T16:59:00.002-08:00

....with myself.
Admitting my emotional weaknesses. My needs, wants, trust issues and insecurities.

I haven't been doing so with myself as much as I should in the past years.
I've always sucked it up and faked it, til you make it. In the last week in a few conversations, it's come up and I've willingly admitted to being the following things:

Jealous: I'm occasionally jealous of my friends success, in a good way. However, I've been told a few times in the last year I've shown mildly jealously traits towards about men. Sadly, it's true. I've never been a jealous person, I've never seen the point. Though now I recognize it, and simply admit it when it's taking place. I'm no where near the crazy physco's, though I get the twitch and tingle of envy, sadness and wanting what someone else has. The roommate has called me out on it one, and I openly agreed I was. It was easier than disagreeing and being teased about it later.

Emotionally Insecurities: Okay, what women doesn't have them? I use to think they make me weak. Though now just admitting to it and owning it, it doesn't bother me as much, and I care much much less what others think about it.

Openly Affectionate: I've never been one for sappy, sloppy public displays of affection. Not in the sickening cuteness pet names way; I like the inside jokes, they way a spouse strongly gentle puts his hand on your lower back when passing by you in the kitchen or out and about. The most simple forms of affection are so much better than big gestures. Laying about in the house or in bed and have an arm rested on you, or leaning against each other. Pecks on the cheek just because and holding hands! I love holding hands! There is something so simple, romantic, and intimate about it.

Needs: I need a lot of things. I need the people in my life to like me. I need to be liked in general. I need the occasional reassurance that I'm loved, wanted, desired by friends and spouses. I need mutual two-way street relationships. I've spent so much time being miserable about siblings, friends and spouses not returning the effort I make. I know what it takes to make relationships work. It's infuriating when it's not returned, or even acknowledged, or simply blown to the wayside like it didn't matter. That hurts.

Wants: I want the relationships I have to be mutual. Understood. Loving. Honest. Granted I know there are hiccups in every level, every type of relationships. I want to be wanted. I want men to be honest and stop the bullshit games they play. Same with my friends. I want them to step up and be friends, not just passing acquaintances who take and give nothing back.

Trust Issues: I have them. In recent years, men haven't exactly given me a reason to take them, or anyone for that matter, at their word. I've become overly cynical as a result. Making me look jaded, jilted and bitter. And I am. I don't want to be. The only difference is now, when my gut tells me something isn't on the up and up, I'm going to trust that instinct and walk away. Rather than ignoring it forcing myself to make excuses for people and really try to see the good in them. If it's not there, it's not there. I won't dig for it or force it, or even try to have enough trust for both of us. It has to be mutual.

Maybe turning 40 this year I've completely stepped into my own and really know myself better than I have in the past. Or at least admitted to what I've always know but somehow saw as a weakness before.

So there you have it. A small part of my onion I've peeled back for you to see. For everyone to see. It's who I am, so why hide it?

Good Read!

2012-01-04T00:21:00.000-08:00

I swear to gawd this was written for me, about me, too me.
Seriously, these were some things I talked to myself about improving on for 2012.

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself.

Enjoy.

Happy 2012!

2012-01-01T13:29:00.000-08:00

After last night's complete melt down. I feel so much better and lighter!
I feel goooood. I purged the house of all things that do not need to be held onto.

The front hall closet is now the main house pantry, and the kitchen cupboards, well, we have a shitload of room for other things now.

Gathered all old pictures (without negatives) and other negatives for the safety deposit box. Until I find someone kind enough to let me use their colour scanner for a full day, they have to stay safe. I have my parents, my siblings, and my own report cards, badges and certificates from all sorts of things from my parents and siblings youth. Even have a couple hospital wrist bands from when they were born.

I'll pass these items onto them at some point. I tried to a year or two after my parents passed and the siblings weren't interested in having a part of their past. Now, it's a different story. More than a decade has passed and now, they're wishing they had that kind of stuff. Forgetting I have been keeping it safe.

It's times like these that my siblings take pride in the fact I'm extremely sentimental and sensitive, rather than teasing me for it. Your history is important, and how many people have a load of it sitting in one spot, and not spread out throughout the family, not really knowing where it is or how to find it.

I opened an ancestry.ca account two years ago. Made a family tree, than quickly grew into a huge tree. Gave the link to all the cousins and asked them update their portions etc. Although a slow time consuming procedure; how cool would it be to be able to post report cards, pictures, and other documents on that account for the future of our ancestors to find one day. Seriously, I have enough documents to make a friggin commercial out of it. Although it will mean having to pay for the account. I'm currently using the free portion. But what's a few dollars a year to maintain your history for others to find? Priceless.

Also moved some items to storage. Since without a car, I'm not going to have an spontaneous moments of grab all my camping gear and skip over to the Island for the weekend on a whim. No point keeping that stuff in the apt anymore. Our storage room is only open 9-5M-F. The old building manager was notorious for never unlocking it, leaving people angry that they couldn't access their stuff. That's not the case anymore, sooooo I don't need to store it my apt.

Next step, will be to revamp the actual storage unit itself. I'm holding onto boxes of sentimental things. Things in hind insight are not really all that sentimental anymore:

-Every single birthday, Xmas or just because card, and letters I've ever received from family and friends.

-Every single letter and note LC and I wrote to each other when we were kids and adults, until computers became a standard appliance in households. These actually take up several shoe boxes inside a 2 huge moving box. That's space I could use for something else more useful.

-A box of childhood stuff animals. Yes I'm never actually going to put these on display. But they have memories. I think it's time to let them go. I keep one in my closet that has the most value to me.

- Old old old camping stuff. That shit can be thrown out and updated later on.

Baby steps in purging my past. Huge emotional growth. :-)

Good-Bye

2011-12-31T23:49:00.002-08:00

Good-Bye 2011.

Good-bye to a job I was tired of, but comfortable in.

Good-Bye to my best friend LC.
Our relationship didn't last cos you went back to an abusive relationship. Or that I stopped trying to protect you, caring for you, or even just tried to keep the remainder in tact. There just simply was no point holding on anymore after you let go and stopped caring yourself. The good time will be remembered, nothing else. You're on your own now. God Speed for your safety.

Good-Bye to shitty friends who only call when they need something.

Good-Bye to old romances. Not all were bad, but nothing more to build on or have fully run their course.

Good-Bye to old acquaintances who inquired about specific details of my life. Then stirred pot for fun etc. Surprise! Bet you weren't aware how much I actually knew, how much we all knew. Fed you a bunch of bullshit just to watch you spread the love. Thanks... friend.

Good-Bye to people who all are all excuses and no action.

Good-Bye to those whose actions continuously tell their true feelings over their words.

Good-Bye to going out of my way and making people always feel welcome, wanted and never left out, when it's never once been returned. Still haven't decided which is harder; spending major family oriented holidays alone, or ones revolving around friends? Don't worry about me, but gawd forbid if you ever have to spend it alone. I won't be the one making sure you're included this time.

Good-Bye to one way street relationships. If I've always had to call you first, for anything, and it's never been you calling first, you're history to me now.

Good-Bye cheating men of 2011. I believe you'll be harder to rid of, cos you're all so damn fucking sneaky about it until I've already started liking you.

Good-Bye 2011. You'll be remembered. Not missed.

I've finally had my full blown inconsolable stress cry. Now I can get my shit together. Deleted many people from my phone and facebook. Not even going to concern myself if you'll call me. You're dead to me now.

2012 is still 30 minutes away and it's already started on a positive note. I've enrolled in two classes. Jan - April. Then maybe 1-2 more. I won't take classes in the fall/winter. Only in Winter/spring/summer programs. I've been looking at schooling the wrong way all.these.years. Instead of looking at it as a headache, I've started looking at it as I'm investing in myself. Ya ya I know, it took a friggin long time to come to that conclusion.

There are a few positive things I'll take from 2011.
A few new people in my life. You you who you are. Thank you.

Good-bye to being loyal longer than necessary, always thinking of others first, being fair, kind, and quiet. 2012, you're in for a rude awakening.

Bring it on 2012. I'm ready. I'm for new beginnings. :)

I have lost ALL faith in men....

2011-12-31T01:47:00.001-08:00

You know how facebook's sidebar will occasionally show you "who you might know"?...... Ok.

I can't sleep. It's 01:30am. I'm playing on facebook and who do I see, but a guy I met on that plenty of fucking liars place dot com. A man I nicknamed "The slowly processing twit". Arbolog, you'll probably remember this one....That was being kind, and yes that is what I named him. He was good on paper. He liked me. I liked him, but not enough to move forward. It just didn't click.

I clicked on his profile and whola, his profile is public. Let the creeping begin. click, boring pictures, click, more pictures of his cat, click......stop. stares. WTF!?

He got married a month after our last date! W.T.F?!!!

So was meeting women openly on that plenty of fucking liars place dot com a last ditch to get your feet wet before walking down the isle? We had 4 dates in total. Two of me going to Parksville, two of him coming here. Okay, I'm not upset we didn't click, I'm pissed that his intentions were never real and he wasted my time, time that I could have been wasting with someone who actually gave a fuck.

Someone please, for the love of Gawd, please, please, explain to me why men do shit like this?

We stayed in touch on/off for a couple years after that. He had said he got serious with someone while finishing up his masters in business, but that was it. I didn't ask more, he didn't offer. A tad serious more I'd say, YOU'RE MARRIED!

Geez, and men wonder why women are jilted, jaded, and non-trusting. No shit Sherlock. FML.

Moving forward, you can refer to me as Good Luck Chuck.

Make that count 16 now. In the last 6 years, anytime I've been single for even the briefest of moments, the men I've dated have either married the girl after me, or have gone back to the girl before me. If they didn't marry, they attempted at becoming 100% committed.

I think this is my roll in the world of dating. To be that person that makes that particular man see what he's missing and run back to his ex or marry the next one.

F.M.L.

Handy Woman.

2011-12-30T11:48:00.000-08:00

Victoria over at Advice From a Single Girl wrote this post about being self efficient when it came to fixing the shower head in her recently reno'd apt. Well done lady!!

It gave me a story to post. Although not nearly as exciting as her story, but when you're strapped for writing a novel about your holidays (see still wrapping head around the events) this will have to do.

This past summer, I was painting and one thing led to another, I ended up pulling out all my tools laid out in a closet, realizing, I actually needed a tool box. Shopped around at a few places over the week about the size I liked. I went across the street to a smaller store of a giant company and was greeted by a friendly gentleman. Upon asking about the prices and comparisons to a similar one, he asked who the tool box was for....

[The toolbox I picked out for myself was a 24 in long box with a second pull out tray inside and a few compartments for nails,screws, and misc bits etc. Something I can grow into, or at least hold the tools I have.]

.....Upon learning the box was for myself, he shook his head 'no', and lead me over to the much smaller toolbox buckets. Advising me that I would not need anything bigger than that. Looking at him dumbfounded, I simply smiled, walked back over to the boxes (not buckets), while I explained I could overspill that bucket right now, and that this is what I'm interested in.

Annoyed with me now, shaking his head asking what I could possible need a box that big for? I said thank you, walked up to customer service and asked to speak to someone else. I ended up with the manager who was more than happy to stick to business and just tell me what I wanted to know. Along comes the now grumpy old man, interrupting the manager that he's already helped me, explaining what he said,and I wouldn't listen to him!! lol

As nicely as I could, I snarked at him asking who he was to decide how many tools I have. Shit I have my own friggin power tools! (RAWR). The manager apologized to me trying not to laugh himself. As it turns out his wife is the handyman around the house and completely understood where I was coming from.

Long story short, I didn't buy my box from them, the price difference for the same box was almost a $20 different from a big boxmart store. And.... there is a little room left over to grow into.

I love how there are people out there who just assume women are inferior or incapable. Any woman who's lived alone or had brothers or a Dad growing up probably knows how to change her own oil, a tire, tinker with her own engine, can fix some plumbing around her home, and drill, plaster and even know some electrical. (not me that shit scares me). However if you're my friend Elizabeth Singleton, she has mega power tools as she reno's homes. RAWR!!!

Updates to Come

2011-12-28T20:56:00.000-08:00

Hope all of you had a great Christmas and are gearing up for a brand New Year.

I have a few posts brewing, but you'll have to wait until I've wrapped my head around all the information I've absorbed, along with the exhaustion that is my life at the moment of looking for a new job. Even with the assistance of a few generous, talented and very well connected people... I'm freaking out a little.

Christmas with part of my family was a success! I stayed sober the majority of the time. Just wasn't in the mood. My family is still loud, know it all, and one uppers on you. It was a good time. Next year, I might, might host a small Christmas at my house. It's a nice thought, but my place is smaller than my sisters, (not by much) and yet it would be total chaos. Total. As I'm writing this, I'm rethinking it all together. Maybe just a random dinner would do. :)

More updates later.

Happy New Years!

My Husband

2011-12-23T20:56:00.000-08:00

I met my husband last night.

I know his name, what he looks like, right down to what he sounds and smells like. He has dark hair, light eyes, proportionate body, 6'2", 30 something.

He's military, is stationed on the same ship as my friend Leyley. Wants all the same things I do, and more importantly, never wants to live outside of BC, Canada.

There are only two issues:

He's engaged to someone else.

I met him in my dream.

Yup. In my dream. Though I can see what he is wearing, all our surroundings (a familiar place, though one I haven't been to yet... Leyley's cabin in Cowinchan). I can smell & hear him. I know his voice. Should I ever hear it, I'll know it at that moment. Sort of how a parent who gives a child up for adoption can recognize them or their voice 20 years later. I'll know him the second I see or hear him.

It was an instant mutual attraction, it works out, but unsure of all the in between stuff after meeting and before we marry.

There is love at first sight, which I've had the blessing of experiencing twice and then there is love before you've even met the person, where you've dream them into life.

Call me crazy or the ultimate hopeless romantic.

I know this man. I already love him.

Last Day @ Work.

2011-12-16T09:07:00.001-08:00

Today is my last day. :-) I'll continue to get paid til the end of the year then my severance and buyout will take effect.

As I laid in bed this morning hitting the snooze button. I realized that my alarms that are scheduled for a M-F ring, can be turned off. It was at that moment that the realization of my situation became a reality. I'm on holidays, then unemployed. Bittersweet.

I'm going to miss the building itself, the free yoga, the ridiculously awesome picnic table P made,(seriously seats 12-14 ppl and weight about a 1000lbs) the designers and design tech depts for the sweet things they'd say about my curves and being a plus size gal working in a fashion house. Many many people will be missed. Many have made the mundane day to day routine comical.

It's been a good 5 years. Thanks for the fun times Bargle Company. Stay classy.
xo

Lost That Loving Feeling

2011-12-13T09:23:00.001-08:00

It's that time of year at work things slow down to a skeleton crew. Now with the office closing and everyone having to use up any holidays before the end of the year, that slowness is starting sooner than latter.

We're almost at the 1/2 way mark and I'm about to pull out the magazines and just openly read them. The phone rings maybe 3 times a day. Work load is pretty non existent at this point. I did however ask for an early release from work effective the 16th. I'll be following up on that today. As the work wife says, she doesn't believe I'll get it. I hate to agree that she's right, but it's painful to be here. To be one of only a small handful of people left in the building that did not get an offer, and to watch new cliche's being formed, and being left out in general that much more. Not fun.

I just want to be at home, relaxing a bit before I have to really stress about work. You know that saying, "stress can kill you", well it definitely screws with your body. I have a cold sore, the crohns episodes are on Day 5 with no relief in sight, blah blah blah, a few more things, but in short, my body is breaking down under the stress. I have 35 days left on the Accutane and I'm having a break out. All that for what? To be back at square one? Ya ya this is all woes is me.

People can say, don't stress, everything will be fine. It might as well be, but if I were to be all nonchalant about it, wouldn't I be tempting faith to backfire?

Okay onto a lighter note.

Friday, I hung out with Single & Picky. I had convinced her to come over and decorate my tree for me. What a trooper. She did, as I stood there not supervising, drinking wine, spazzing out over the what if's and trying not to cry. It was a welcome relieve to chat with someone about the whole work/love life stuff that isn't directly involved in it.

We caught up on our lives in more depth on things we don't talk about here in blog world. I got to see what Directory Boy looks like. Hubba hubba. :-) I love how when we get together, we jump onto so many topics, (mostly my fault and alittle A.D.H.A) but I'd say, there probably isn't a topic left untouched when we get together. Overall, always a great visit. Thanks again doll for doing my tree. It's pretty. :-)

Edit Update:
My last day is the 16th. :-)
I'll get the much needed rest to gather my thoughts and chill the fukc out.

Not Dating. Shagging.

2011-12-12T15:34:00.000-08:00

Oh ya, I forgot to mention. I'm no longer dating the guy who lives in town but is away most of the month. Instead, we're just going to shag.

We've had the heart to heart about the dating long distance, even though he lives locally etc. We don't want to stop, but it's not working out. So I suggested we shag. He agreed, and I now have a shagging buddy. Now,we still get too enjoy each other without the stress of being in a relationship and the demands that come with it etc.

Who knows how long this arrangement will work for, but we have rules to it etc that will keep it healthy. We're both relieved and relaxed now.

That is all.

Married Men - You Took Vows. They're not just words, ya know.

2011-12-12T15:23:00.000-08:00

Le Sigh. Men suck.

You'll be proud to know I did not humour this invitation. Not even for a second. And made it extremely clear that I wasn't interested and that he should take his vows to his wife a whole lot serious.

An old b/f and I have always been good with boundaries etc. As soon as he got married we did not dabble in the flirting and/or hookups that we use too. I might have had my own issues with men cheating on their g/f's, and doing nothing about it, but married men. I draw a solid line there.

He's recently been in town a few days a week to finish setting up his new company etc. Having been friends for 25 years, we made plans to go for drinks and dinner etc. No biggie. That is, until he started texting me that he was bored, alone and horny in his hotel room and asked if I'd send him some pictures.

WTF!?

I was short, curt and too the fucking point of saying NO! He tried saying it was harmless flirting and that he'd never cheat on his wife etc. I explained to him while he may be trying to convince himself of that, I'm sure his wife would have other thoughts on the matter. It's cheating. It's one thing to look at porn or do some online chatting with a complete stranger. Cos the chances of you actually meeting up with that person are extremely slim. Though, to try and have that same conversation with an ex g/f who lives only minutes away from where you're staying... I'd say your wife will have an issue. It's cheating. All of it. You took vows in front of family, friends and maybe your God. They mean something.

I told him, unless he was capable of being a responsible party in his marriage, I could not meet up with him for dinner and a visit. This threw him completely off. I am no longer his "go-to girl when we're both single", cos we're not both single. Once he realized all the begging and attempted convincing of the "flirting was harmless" wasn't going to work and that I do have a line that can be crossed. I haven't heard from him since. Nice.

I emailed him last night to say, it would be great to see him, made some light conversation about the things he was tying up in town etc, and left it at that. Just trying to put his attempted adulterous to the size and continue on that we've been friends for 25 years. His reply. "Nope, busy". Well, that's that. No more long winded emails chatting about things old friends chat about.

Moving on. Hey Men. Stop being douchy okay.

If You Find My Sleep; Could You Tell It Where My Head Lays?

2011-12-07T08:07:00.000-08:00

I can't sleep. It's been so long since my last bout of insomnia, that I forgot what it does to me. There was nothing gradual leading up to it. It wasn't up an hour longer each night etc... it was up 4.5 hours longer. I did not get to bed until 2:30am. I have to be up at 5-5:30am. I might, might be under a little more stress than I like to admit. Add the Christmas season to that, and whola, I'm having a bout of insomnia.

To top that off..... I have to train someone today to do part of my job. No biggie. Still stings a little. But. But........ I'm only training her on what I trained the others on. Since anything more than that just gets ignored cos they know I'll be in the next day to deal with whatever errors or customs issues ensued. They won't have that luxury anymore.

(not all of which are the shippers error - our invoices are impeccable. So much so, this courier uses our invoice template to train others, so I'm told.) I like the girl I'll be training. She's young in age, but so much older in wit and smarts. She gets music and movie references far far older than her.

Put an end to bullying.

2011-12-03T21:06:00.001-08:00

This is Jonah Mowry.

He has a message.
A
Powerful one.

Share it.
http://www.youtube.com/user/BlahBlahBlah2145?feature=watch

There are a few video's being posted in response.

In the same format.

Powerful video.

Jonah.

You have amazing strength.

You are loved.

and

Liked.

Womanhood + Men + Pheromones.

2011-12-03T13:49:00.000-08:00

Dear Boobies & Uterus:

What in the hell did I EVER do to you?

Sincerely, Just Saying.

Ouch. It hurts to have clothes touch my chest. Stupid womanhood. I don't suffer from side effects of having a period like some of my fellow womanhood do. I've been extremely lucky that way.

I use to laugh at women who'd call in sick due to "coughcrampscough" in the middle of the week every month. Oh come on!!! Take some Motrin and get your ass to work! Or those who bitch about diarrhea or migraines. Pussies. All of you.

......that is, until I experienced it first hand. I started getting very bad headaches about a year ago, that soon turned into migraines once or twice a year. The first time last year when I had cramps, I couldn't walk. My mid-section couldn't carry the weight of my body. You know the area, between your upper thighs and top of your pelvic bone. Weak. I curled up on the couch in a position that would let me rest without crying, a hot water bottle, and the strongest pills I had in the house and called in sick. Wimp. Not so. It's a pain like no other.

I've never made fun of someone since, that calls in sick with cramps. Of course there are women who abuse that right, and those that do, I hope it finds you ten fold when you can't afford the time off.

I was hanging out the roomie last night, organizing the chaos that will destroy my apartment once I start wrapping gifts etc. Not sure how we got onto the topic of womanhood, but the roomie looks up and so seriously says, "Aren't you due to get yours soon? Like tomorrow?"

ummmm, ya. I forgot that when I lived with The Douche and T, they would always know within days when I was roughly due. The Douche said, it sounds gross but it's not. The chemistry smell changes. Pheromones etc. They could both tell when I was due cos I would smell differently. I didn't think sensing pheromones was a conscience one. Maybe men who live with women are more in tune with us than we give them credit for?

Ok, I don't know about you, but when a girl hears "you smell different" no matter how good natured it was meant, you tend to freak out a little that everyone around can smell the change in your chemistry makeup. I've never forgotten it, and since then have actually developed a bit of a complex when it comes to smelling bad in any way shape or form.

Last night I was sort of in shock with the roomies comment. Asking him how he could possibly know that. He mentioned the same thing, sort of. He could tell by the change of my body behaviour etc.

This morning. I got my period.

Toshiba Laptop Might Be Dying.

2011-12-02T08:06:00.001-08:00

I'm a little worried about my wee little Toshiba laptop. The fan started running a couple days ago once I turn on the computer, and won't stop. Sure when the laptop gets warm the fan is suppose to turn on. Why does it happen when it's not hot?

Virus? Bios updated needed? About to bite the dust?

I'm buying a laptop airflow thingy after work to ensure it's getting the proper airflow and staying cool etc. I've had this computer 5-6 years and never had a problem. It's home is currently on an end table. Never on the couch or bed or anything soft.

I'll try and see the if the IT ~~guys~~ guy G can work his magic on Monday. Otherwise, I have a feeling I might be purchasing a new computer for the new year.

If that turns out to be the case.... what to get? My last comp was a 17" dual core HP. This one is only 13" and apparently more powerful than my last one.... that might have been the case 5-6 years ago.

To switch to Mac or not? hmmmmm. Any Mac users out there?
I would love your un-bias input. Mac users are very much like Volkswagen drivers.
You either love or hate them. There is no grey area.

Okay blog-o-sphere family send me your input, your knowledge and anything else that will help me with the pending new purchase. Has to be a laptop btw, as I'm limited for space as to where I can put a computer.

Monster.ca glitch?

2011-11-30T14:58:00.001-08:00

This one is too good not to share....

I could have just soiled myself 20 minutes ago. A position I applied for contacted me via email. Advising the phone number on my resume is out of service etc.

Of course I quickly log in to monster and take a look at my resume. It's an old one from 9 years ago. Half old infor, half new. WTH! I log in frequently enough to know that it wasn't like that yesterday. The only thing I did differently today, than other days, was upload a cover letter to my profile.

I quickly updated the information, logged out, and back in. Phew. All is good again.
What I'd like to know is how did that happen? And is this error a reflection of why I'm not receiving any phone calls?

A story for the books.

Btw, this is not an entry bashing Monster.ca. They provide a great service and knowledgeable information on how to write any type of letter you could imagine. How to ask for a raise, to salary expectations, (which I used today, thank you) and many more learning tools and tips.

Aside from this small weird glitch, I'm happy with Monster.ca & their team!

Job Offer Updates.

2011-11-30T10:08:00.000-08:00

Rumours are running rampant this week of people turning down offers, new offers being made by default of said turn downs. People asking to be bought out now, leave early, and still receive their severance. It's crazy. Only one person has been reported to lose their package. How much truth there is behind that? No one knows.

Alas, I'm still slightly hurt. Yes, yes, I know I couldn't take an offer if one was provided, but it would be nice to know that at least they wanted me.

I've been asking myself, with the way things have been going down, would I really want to work for a company that is so unorganized (maybe these are normal transactions) that they are now offering positions to people who stirred the pot so badly and vocally announced their disappointment, just so I can avoid the stress of finding new employment? Part of me says yes, just out of shear panic and what if's. The other half of me says HELL NO. Been there, done that.

I never wanted to pull the entitlement card, but come on!!!
There are some people who received offers that clearly shouldn't have been. (my opinion). You can tell simply by their demeaner.

I am starting to freak out a bit. I have 30 days, 22 of those being work days to secure a new job for Jan 3rd. Or I have to dip into my severance. Really not an option I want to consider.

I've applied, applied and applied, with no results. I'm quailifed,more than so in some cases. I'm not concerned about that. Though I wonder if my availability date has something to do with it.

Here's to things looking more positive and promising in Decemmber.

Want Vs. Need

2011-11-30T09:04:00.000-08:00

A friend on the east coast of the Island confuses and frustrates me. Her and her long time b/f (who has his opinion of what a women's responsibility around the house is....) their two dogs, a cat, a gecko, two 60L fish tanks, and a turtle that is allowed to roam the house are broke. All the time.

Until recently, they only had fur pets. She works 3 jobs, he's military, and they rent out the basement of their house. Yet, still broke.

B, the b/f, sits on his ass playing video games from the moment he gets home, til he goes to bed. She is EXPECTED to clean the house, and pick up after him after working 2 p/t jobs every day, and a floating 3rd job, just to make sure she can put insurance on her truck (that he needs), and gas in it (that he uses).

Decided that it was a good idea to get more pets. Cos you know, they're rolling in the dough. He pays for nothing and does nothing around the house. Whole other story, I can't get on right now.....

The point is, he makes decent coin, she's struggling to put insurance on her truck so she can drive his lazy ass to/from work cos he doesn't know how drive, when she's not working 1 of her 3 p/t jobs. They "apparently" live within their means, but yet, broke all the time.

This morning I read on her FB that she had to search the couch for enough cash to buy cream for their morning coffee. Although she said she was laughing at this, it made me incredibly sad.

What makes me even more infuriated, is she won't leave. She's too broke to leave him. Sure they live in a very small town where affordability is key, and apparently are living within their means. (approved for a $500G mortgage, but bought for only $250G) but since they've been there, they haven't had two pennies to rub together, though can find it to buy fish tanks, fish, a gecko, and a turtle, on top of the 2 dogs, and 1 cat they already have. Not to mention the ongoing expenses those things cost.

Why do people do this kind of stuff? I look at this situation and think of teenage girls who think all they need is love to raise a baby etc. Oh ya? You trying living on love alone, see how far that gets you.

Can someone shed some light on why/how people think and live this way? Maybe they have bad habits they spend their cash on. I know what each of them make, and they should be well established as far as savings, having nice things, etc. Not searching the couches for change to buy milk. Maybe, they're just really bad with their finances.

Tree or No Tree

2011-11-29T07:55:00.001-08:00

I have a fake tree I bought when I first moved out on my own. The tree is still in amazing shape. I use to love Christmas. I use to get mighty pissed when I'd race home from school and my Mum had taken the day off to decorate and there was nothing left to do.

Growing up I realized decorating was her thing. It was special to her. And we appreciated the effort. Our house always looked like a Christmas store.

Once on my own, I always put up my tree. After my folks passed, my Aunt (mum's best friend) told me I HAD to put up the tree the first Christmas after she passed. Begrudgingly I did. I was glad I did. Though following years, it became increasingly harder to put it up. The anxiety it caused me was overwhelming. I started going away for Christmas. It gave me a reason not to decorate at all.

The lights. Those damn lights are what kill me. I hate putting them on. I've had roommates that wanted to do it, so I let them. That's when I learned, even though I don't have the strength to decorate my own tree, I am a tree snob. Unless you have children, there is no reason why your tree should ever look like a 5 yr got to it. Ever. (my next tree will already have the lights on it)

A few years ago, I hosted a Christmas at home. Friends that couldn't get home for the holidays came over, and we made the best of not being alone, together. I remember clearly drinking while decorating days before, and talking aloud to my Mum. I was hosting my FIRST Christmas and doing that damn tree. ;) Asked her to pull some strings and make it snow enough to make everything pretty Christmas Day. If not, I completely understood as it was a warm winter (averaging about 6-10 degrees above 0, needs to be -3/3+ to snow).

The day comes, and we're all opening our gifts, stuffing our faces etc. Hours pass and come early evening, I looked outside, nearly jumping so high to hit the ceiling. I squealed it was SNOWING! Only Tink understood why that would make me, the city girl, excited. As I stood there with a big cheesy grin on my face, feeling so much love, silent tears running down my face, Tink had shared why this was significant with the rest of our friends. It was a perfect Christmas. Side note: I was too lazy to take down the tree that year, so I put the whole tree, fully decorated, into the guest room and closed the door....til Sept.

My tree has been up once since then. When LC House Guest was living with me. Like my Mum, LC and my Mum shared a few things that are special to them. I never questioned it, just let them have their bond. So when LC said she wanted to put up the tree, I let her. Having been best friends for 23 years, she knew I was a tree snob, then so was she. She made the most beautiful tree. I didn't want to take it down.

Though, we started a new tradition. The tree topping. I have a ugly ugly topping that my Grandmother has passed down etc. We opted not to put it up, instead we used a plastic Stanley Cup from a case of beer as the Topper. That year, the Canucks went to the Stanley Cup. :)

Since I'm in town this year for Christmas, I'm debating whether or not to put it up. If someone wants to come over and put the lights on for me, I'll wine and dine you while you do it. I'm simple with the rest of the house.

Credit Checks for Job Applications?

2011-11-28T15:52:00.001-08:00

I found something to write about.

I applied for a position within a government housing program. Just as I hit send, I forgot to click the "terms and agreement" box. I never read those things. Especially on a government site. Just as the page was turning over, I saw "agree to a credit check" etc.

Um No.

Why in the world would a government office feel the need to run a credit check on a job application site? My finances have absolutely nothing to do with my qualifications.

I wrote to the site, asking just that. Why?

Not sure how credit scores work in the states, but in Canada, every time you have a credit check done, it's a ding against your name. If it happens often, you look like a credit chaser. Which ultimately lowers your credit score.

Not a good thing for someone like me, who's building credit. And although my score is okay, now, considering I didn't have one at all 3 years ago, I'm not thrilled about anyone other than my bank doing a check. Btw - not having a credit card does more harm than good for your score, than having one. Don't have one, get one. At least then there is something on file on how well you manage having credit.

A co-worker mentioned it might be a general terms and agreement form that covers 'both' job and housing applications. That made me feel a tad better. I understand some landlords wanting to do a credit check on you before renting to you... but then again, that doesn't thrill me either. That is the whole point of calling the previous landlord and asking if you defaulted on any rent.

Now back to your regular scheduled program.

UPDATE: Dec 1/11
After speaking with a few people who work in gov't offices, it turns out that doing a credit check is the BC Government mandate for all applications. The part that still bothers me is this....They will do the check before offering you an interview or a job, That's simply not cool. I can understand if they request one upon offering you a position, but not before.

Learn something everyday.

That was short lived.

2011-11-27T18:34:00.000-08:00

And I'm single again. Sort of.

It's complicated.

It's a semi long distance relationship. He spends more time out of town than he does in town. Though it's only a couple hours away it still sucks. When he is in town, his Mummy has a to-do list for him to tend too....on his own house. A house she does not live at. This arrangement works for them, as he's away so often, but leaves little room for any serious romance.

We talk a lot of the phone, at night and on weekends. Though it's taking it's toll on me and since we're so new at being together again, I'm starting to wonder if this is worth it?

If I knew there was a future to look forward too, or felt more secure about where we currently stand, then I might not even be asking this question.

How do people do it? I might even ask the roommate, as he's been doing the on/off again long distance with his g/f when he has to travel for work. Sometimes it's for 6 months at a time. Plus not seeing her during the week..... I'd like to think I'm capable of managing. Maybe I could with someone I'm securely established with, but with someone I'm so new to dating???

In other news. I spoke with The Douche tonight.
Only a couple minutes, though very full of conversation. I asked him not touch base anymore. I have no malicious reason. I'm not pissed at him for anything. I simply do not see the point. If we can't openly be friends or open acquaintances, then I see no point in staying in touch.

Was I harsh or fair?

Told him he could contact me until the new year, to smooth over any questions or loose ends he might have etc. Though I doubt he'll have any. He was very quiet. Which means he's in shock, or simply has nothing to say. Plus he'll be married in 7/8 months. And whatever acquaintanceship we have would most definitely have to end at that time anyways.

So I'm single-ish again, and tightly close the novel to the Douche.
Bittersweet, though necessary.

It's Time

2011-11-27T09:02:00.000-08:00

This video is circulating the interwebz right now.
It's beautiful. It's powerful.

End Marriage Discrimination from www.getup.org.au/marriagematters.

I want this for my nephew John John.

GOBBLE GOBBLE

2011-11-24T20:09:00.002-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving to my American blog-o-sphere family.
Hope you're wearing you're elastic pants.

Slightly Annoyed. Surprised?

2011-11-23T10:50:00.000-08:00

With the company changing locations, job offers being made and not being made etc. The new location has slip thru the grapevine to those of us who did not receive an offer.

The new company will be such a distance, I'm not willing to make that commute from where I live. Had I received an offer, I would have had to turn it down. Though a co-worker who lives a bit further than I, will make the commute via transit. Good luck. Thats almost 2 hours each way ontop of your work day. (via transit) No Thank You.

The part that annoys me..... the superintendent we have, came to my desk looking at how he is going to dismantle the beast of acreage that is my desk. Upon asking why, he informed me he was taking it to the new location for the reception area there.

What?

I wasn't appreciated enough to even have an offer made. (regardless that I'd have to turn it down). Just when I was in an okay place about everything, moving forward etc, I'm hit with an insult.

Just reminding myself, "you couldn't have taken it anyways".... it still would have been nice to have had that be my decision.

I was laughing with the work wife the other day. It would be ballsy of them to not offer my a position, then ask me to train my replacement. Even with how shady things went down, I'd like to believe that is even too low for them.

I'll be okay with this by the end of the day I'm sure. Right now, I'm feeling very insulted.

Next.

Hey Job Recruiters.....Know Your Audience!

2011-11-21T16:03:00.000-08:00

It's no secret now that I'm looking for new employment due to the company I work for being sold. With that, I know exactly when my end date is. :-)

I've set my resume up on a few big name employment sites last night. Both of which potential employers can search you out. Today, I received a phone call requesting to discuss my experience etc.

Upon calling them back, I googled the phone number first. It's a temping agency. No where does it say I'm looking for temp work, and the infor I posted clearly states what I'm interested in, why and when I'm available.

This girl, while pleasant, continued to call me by the wrong name. Correcting her each time. Each time. She sounded confused when I advised her I wasn't interested in temporary work.

She would say things like, "Are you just temping until the new year then looking for new employment?". or "How are long is your contact there for?", and without listening to my responses, "Well, why don't you contact me closer to when you're available for work, and I'll help you find some temping".

Informing her repeatedly, that I was employed full-time until the New Year, and was looking for full-time, stable employment. Hoping to be gainfully employed full time permanent with a new company with a start date of Jan 3, 2012.

She still didn't get it.

I had to simply ask her if she actually read my resume and cover letter etc. Cos it was clearly stated as to what the situation is. Had she read that, she would have known. I understand she's just recruiting etc. but come on... know your audience.

I had to laugh when she asked me to pass along her contact information to anyone else in the accounting dept that may need her assistance. I giggled, and advised "Sure I'll send that infor to NY for you".

This contact bugged me slightly as the information was there to be had. Had it not, I'd understand completely her calling me.

Know your audience.

Work Wife

2011-11-20T20:40:00.000-08:00

The work wife and I were chatting last week, and I said something about updating my blog. Which to she replied, "I know, I do read your blog. Sometimes I learn more there than you tell me. It would be nice to know you were dating".

:=( I felt bad.

Not talking about the dating was hard. I tell the work wife everything. But this was working out well and the only thing I'd done differently was not talking about it. I wanted to tell her. It did feel like I was keeping a secret from her. I was, but not out malicious intent. Just from Murphy's Law.

I explained, (which she already knew), the blog was for venting and sometimes it's just easier to blog about it, than to share the grief or stress of what is bothering me with friends. Not weigh them down with my whining etc.

I'm a pretty open book. My heart and life are mostly on my sleeve. I don't keep much to myself, ever. And while some people appreciate that, other's don't, hence one the reasons I blog.

I'm sure the work wife understands, but I do feel bad she felt like I was keeping something from her. It wasn't that I don't trust her. I do. Whole heartily.

I'm going to miss working with her. I'm not ready for a new work wife. lol

Fraud Update

2011-11-20T20:27:00.000-08:00

After the stress of hearing from cousins back east, that someone claiming to be me asked for money, cos I was "in Montreal" and was in trouble.... they obliged, then.... THEN realized it wasn't me as I had updated my facebook status about watching snow from my desk at work....not in Montreal.

Long story short, my boss was great. In a panic told her I'd have to put the company phones on voicemail and make a ton of calls before they all closed for the night. Once all my cards and bank account were closed, credit bureau's and police called and a fraud alert put on my name. I went home.

...Only to end up making myself sick with the stress that my family had fallen victim to this and were out a few thousand dollars. Again, my boss rocks. She completely understood the importance of getting this taken care of. This is my identity!!! Plus, work, migraines and nausea are not a good combo.

The roommate was so sweet to me too. I texted him while he studied in his room, asking him not to do his dishes that night, the noise from it might actually make my head explode as I laid on the couch in the dark, cool room, watching tv on mute. (not knowing why or what was stressing me out).

Now, don't let it get out that my roommate has a sweet side. He has a reputation of being a jerk to protect. I woke up Friday to a note on the coffee machine, telling me to feel better. Followed by a few text messages of him checking up on me throughout the day. Can we all say "awwwwwww".

I've spoken with the cousins since Thursday, and we've all done all we can do at this point. Should there be a chance of this person getting caught, we'll all press charges. Sadly, it's unlikely this person will ever be caught.

In the end it comes to this. We're alive, safe, and healthy. That is unless my identity is used for something else, then I'll track this person down and hurt them.

FRAUD ALERT

2011-11-17T16:10:00.000-08:00

I AM NOT IN MONTREAL.
I AM NOT IN TROUBLE.
DO NOT WIRE ME ANY MONEY.
DO NOT CONFIRM ANY PERSONAL INFORMATION ABOUT ME.

CONTACT ME IF ANYONE CONTACTS YOU.

Subscribe by email.

2011-11-17T11:17:00.000-08:00

Thank you to Carmen @ My Dating Hangovers for suggesting that I add an subscribe via email gadget.

Done.
You can now get updates to my blog with email notifications.

Tada!.

Someone please subscribe so I can test it out.

JOB OFFER.

2011-11-16T13:17:00.000-08:00

.......and the results are in.......

I was not offered a position with the new company.

How do I know?
Cos the job offers were sent out by email to those they wanted etc. Those who are not offered, were not. So much for the sit down one on one they said in the email. I was going to stay optimistic til the end of the day. But really, I know better. If the offer did not come in today with those who received one. Then it's not coming.

I'm not bitter. I'm not. It's just business, and now a much more realistic stress of knowing I have to find a new job. I really do not want to fall back on my severance at all if I can avoid it.

Anyone know the percentage of luck I'll have finding new employment in December for a January 2012 start? .... Anyone? Anyone? It's low.

Building character. :)
Fingers crossed. Please send me your good vibes. Actually send them to potential new employers to give them the extra sense to hire me. :)

That would be friendly. Thanks.

Moths & Job Update

2011-11-16T09:25:00.000-08:00

I have a moth somewhere in my room and/or closet.
Two, TWO sweaters I wore just late last week, both now have giant holes in them now.
WTF!?

I have cedar balls in my closet already, but now, convinced they do.not.work.
I have to tear apart my closet now, vacuum, etc.. blah blah blah. boric acid is coming your way you little bugger. When I find you.... well..... bwahahahahaha

Leave my clothes alone!!! I'm actually more concerned about the new clothes I bought. My interview clothes etc. I would cry if they were ruined.

Any additional suggestions would be grand.

Job Update.
We received an email late last night that the new organization will have a reduced footprint as compared to our existing structure, and as a result we will unfortunately be unable to offer employment to all of our existing employees. They will however, be meeting with each employee individually, in some cases, job offers will be made.

I knew they would be hand picking who to take with them. I'm not surprised at all. Unless I'm offered a position, I will continue to move forward as though the offer isn't there. It's a must for survival. It will prove interesting as to whom in the office thinks they're entitled to a position, then not offered one.

Cross your fingers for me. It would be nice to move forward with the new company.
If not, life as usual, and I'll be grateful for the experience I had for the last 5 years. All the good, bad, ridiculous, and hilarious moments.

The Smell of Hockey....

2011-11-14T08:50:00.000-08:00

....is like an aphrodisiac to me. The smell of the ice. Cold air. Metal meeting ice. Men yelling to pass the puck and of course the smell of men. Sweating. Don't judge me.

I grew up watching hockey, and the smell of used, wet gear is not exactly appealing, it is a nostalgic one. All my friends growing up played. Boys, then later men I dated all played. There is just something about the whole essences of the smell of hockey. It's Canadian. It's sexy.

I was at 4 Rinks (8 Rinks for you youngins) on the weekend with friends, watching a few guys we know play hockey. They were playing on the old Canucks practice ice which has outside seating above the ice. SWEET! The smell and sounds were intoxicating. Smacking the glass and cheering loudly when they scored. I was beaming like an idiot the rest of the day with my pink cheeks. I really miss having a b/f that plays hockey. I do.

It wasn't until recently I met someone I was seriously considering becoming exclusive with, had mentioned that he not only did not play hockey (or any sport), he HATED hockey, and sports in general. *gasp* Although, he participates in the annual Test of Metal, mountain biking race, but again, according to him, that's not a sport. You've seen the Test of Metal, or X-Games, right? It's a sport. An extreme sport.

Now, the men I date do not need to play hockey, or any sport, but it's a plus if they watch it at least. It wasn't until that moment, that I realized that hating hockey was a deal breaker. I know. How friggin petty am I? I decided not to move forward with this guy and put it on a friendship level as he started voicing his strong opinion of how yoga, surfing, kayaking, and other things shouldn't be considered a sport, cos they're lame etc.

Wow. He's never tried these things, and yet casted they are not sports. hmmmm. And while I'm sedentary, I do not need anyone discouraging me from my annual surfing trip or yoga days at work (which I haven't been going too lately... but I could)

What was a surprise deal breaker you learned about yourself?

I'm Dating.

2011-11-10T13:29:00.000-08:00

I'm dating.
Two guys actually. Sort of. Not exclusively.
I have not mentioned anything until now, cos I wasn't sure either of them would make it to a 2nd, let alone a 3rd date.

It's a little weird to be dating and not tell a single soul, or bring them around the house. I don't need to give the roommate any ammo to be a jerk with. He thinks he's funny sometimes, when it really only funny in his head. Detour.

The guys.
Fun, handsome, but not ridiculously good looking, just the perfect amount. Employed. Single. I've had to bite my tongue hard many times, cos I have the voice of a friend nagging me "you do not always have to call bullshit", when they tell a story trying to impress me with this or that, and I really want to call them on it. Then I realized maybe this is why I'm not good at dating. Men (people in general) do not like to be called out on shit. Shit they may honestly think will win them brownie points.

Bonus points for these two men, for the following:
*NOT TALKING ABOUT EX GIRLFRIENDS.
*MONEY.
*SEXUAL PREFERENCES.
*OR ASKING FOR MINE.

They are clearly doing well for themselves, no need to advertise it. The ex's. They've both said things about them in passing, when asked, and both did not have a single bad thing to say. BONUS POINTS! Not sure why men think they're impressing us when they talk shit about an ex. Cos really, all we hear and think is "Wonder what he'll say about me?" -5 points.

They call (see"no texting") to say Hi. Arrive on time. Call (see"no texting") when they've arrived to pick me up. They open doors. Pay for dates, even though I offer every time. Ask about my life. There is a balance with these two men.

The work wife had said, I'd paid my dues with bad roommates in the past. Now I have a good one. Contemplating the same reasoning for this round of dating. I've been on enough bad dates in the past, and took a break for the last 2 years altogether. Now, I have two men interested, treating me the way I wish all men would treat women on their dates.

That's all of the information you're going to get at the moment. Call me superstitious, but there is something to be said for not talking about it so far.

Apartment Update - Wrong Man. Who Knew?

2011-11-07T15:46:00.000-08:00

You know how I wrote about my shady property owner in October?

I've tried myself to drain the dishwasher, with no avail. Today, I thought I'd follow up to see what their plan of action would be. It's been 13 days and no matter how often I run the dishwasher, it ends up with an inch of water in the bottom.

In the 9 years I've lived there, the owner has never once replied directly to me, or taken any of my calls. As angry as I can get, I always do my due diligence when writing letters, and I'm always professional on the phone. Today, he took my call. He was polite, and sincere with the matter at hand. Even pulled up a copy of the letter I wrote. There was absolutely no attitude from this guy.

And as it turns out, he mentioned what the superintendent told him, and what my letter says, do not exactly match up.

Great.

Turns out the property owner is not the problem at all. It's the middle man.
He's asked me to run a few small tests on the dishwasher, and if the results are still negative, he'll send his crew in right away. No cost. Nor will I be held responsible if I make the matter worse by running these tests per his request. He even took the time to respond to previous complaints and concerns I've enquired about. Oh, and looky here, he did reply. To the superintendent. Who never passed it along to me.

I've been bitching about the wrong man for the last 7 years.
(Jim has only been the super. for 7 of the 9 years I've been there)

I've decided moving forward, I'm going to cut out the middle man completely, and deal directly with the owner. I'm highly annoyed that the superintendent would do this. I'm not going to mention I know any of this to him. I'm just going to cut him out.

I can not tell you how relieved I am, that I was wrong about the owner.
Jim is on my shit list now.

8 out of 10 months on Accutane. The end is in sight.

2011-11-04T23:27:00.001-07:00

I have two months and a week left on the accutane. We've given the cycle an end date. More so cos I will no longer have extended medical come Dec 31st at midnight. (company wide lay off- generous severance package though)

Thought I'd update what it's been like to be on the Tane for 8 of the 10 months so far.

Starting age 38, turned 39 in June 2011.
Female. 5'2".
Meds - Synthyroid. Daily dose 125mcg for hypothyroidism.
Advil only when absolutely needed.

February 2011
- Get all mandatory blood work (cholesterol, liver function, negative pregnancy test) so we know where my levels are at and how to gauge how much medication to receive.
- Learn there will be no sex (chose not to take a secondary birth control) or alcohol for the next 6 months.
- Can not donate blood during or for 6 months afterwards.
- Can not wax during or for 6 months afterwards.
- Learn of all possible and common side effects.
- Buy all moisturizing arsenals.

March 2011
- Blood work is good. It's a go.
- Starting dose 40mg.
- Day 3, inner nose is ridiculously dry, slight bleeding.
- You learn immediately why the doctor says to PAT your skin, DO NOT RUB!
OW HOLY F$%#
- Day 10, increasingly tired, and thirsty.
- Blood work.

April 2011
- Dose 80mg
- Daily sunscreen. Experiment with different kinds til you find one you're happy wearing every.single.day. No joke. Every day.
- Nose bleeds on a regular basis.
- Lips are so dry they feel cakey.
- Vaseline, my finger and inner nose are very intimate now.
- Baby Oil and dry skin are best friends now.
Apply after the shower for best non greasy results. Trust me.
- Day 39 extreme fatigue sets in and a little depression (pre existing)
- Slightly annoyed, all the time. Apparently this will pass.
- Blood work.

May 2011
- Dose 80mg
- Daily sunscreen. Staying out of the sun for the summer months.
- Heavy aches and pains. Like you're coming down with the flu, but never get sick.
- Nose bleeds regularly.
- Minor headaches, bouts of sleepiness, sleeplessness, and lost of appetite.
- Had my nose cauterized. It helped.
- Started drinking Becks non alcoholic beer.
It's summer, need something to take the edge off.
- Acne starts to dry out and flake away. (this does pass- don't pick, skin is fragile)
- Hair so dry only washing it once a week with shampoo. Conditioning frequently.
- Blood work.

June 2011
- Learned my cholesterol spiked in May from 2.3 to 5.2 and liver function went down.
- Dose lowered back to 40 mg.
- Daily Sunscreen.
- Scalp is itchy and hurts to scratch.
- Adapting to the aches and pains.
- Gained some unexpected weight.
- Arms feel like they are about to snap off at the shoulders. Learning that once you get use to the aches and pains in one area....it moves. In a constant state of mild annoyance and in pain.
- Quit yoga. It hurts too much and recovery is extra long due to the drug.
- Start taking calcium, and omega 3 oil.
- Blood work.

July/August/September 2011
- Dose 40 mg.
- Cholesterol down to 4.2(July), then 3.8(August), and now 3.2(September).
- Daily sunscreen.
- All of September was really bad for side effects.
- Bone pain is intense. Hurts to walk, and to sleep on my side.
- Noticing my hair feels thinner. Maybe it's the new hair cut.
- Bones feeling fragile.
- Ready to be off this drug. It's kicking my ass.
- The side effects one by one are minor. But as a cluster and constant. It's exhausting.
- Eyes are itchy. Not allergies. Turns out I had extremely dry eyes and plugged lid ducts. high performance eye drops from the pharmacy(non prescription) and Lid-Care wipes, hot compresses all make a huge difference. (DO NOT USE VISINE).
- Learn that accutane is actually an anti-cancer drug. Type of chemo pill. Had I known this before hand, I could have mentally prepared myself to handle the side effects differently, rather than forcing myself thru some of the pain.
- Blood work.

October 2011
- Dose 40/80mg daily switch until my blood work says otherwise.
- Daily Sunscreen, on any remotely sunny day.
- Nose doesn't bleed anymore, but I've got my finger up there so often with Vaseline, it's too lubed to become dry and bleed anymore.
- Notice slight rashes on my arms. Not unusual due to the dryness. Reversible.
- Got the flu Halloween weekend. Thought I might die.
- Coughing is a new pain in itself. Taking a bit to recover from the flu.
- Hair is noticeably thinner. No bald patches,but definitely thinner. (I normally have ridiculously thick hair).
- Blood work.

November 2011.
- Dose 40/80mg switch.
- Cholesterol down to 2.8. woot woot!!!
- Approved for the last 2 months!!! Dec and Jan 2012.

This is where it ends for the moment. I'll copy/paste this again when it's complete and still bitch about it in the mean time. I hadn't mentioned the hair thinning cos it's embarrassing. Plus it's not forever. It will thicken out again about 3 months after I stop taking the drug.

I wrote this post about managing the side effects. Like my Accutane survival kit. Have a read. For those of you that find this blog while on Accutane, it could definitely help. Remember, everyone manages the side effects differently, some do not feel many of them.

Another positive Addition-Elle Experience

2011-11-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

First of all, please excuse the style of this posting. I'm still foggy in the head from this cold. I seem to ramble, repeat points and words.

I had another decent experience at Addition-Elle at Market Crossing in Burnaby last night.I wrote this post a few weeks ago on the ridiculously positive bra shopping experience I had.

Last night, I didn't pan out as well as I'd hoped. Suggestion: More selection for size 18petite in narrow & bootcut leg pants. Of course the service was top-notch again. I did walk away with a few items I needed. (not to mention the 30% off I received on the scratch and win) Upon checking out, I mentioned to the girl that helped me last time etc, that I had blogged about the bra experience. She lit up, informing me someone at corporate had seen it, and had acknowledged her for the service well done!! :)

More companies could learn a few basic things from the customer service at this store!!! Seriously.

I've been to other plus size stores, walked around with my arms full of heavy clothes, while the staff stood around doing nothing, ignoring the fact I'd been requiring assistance.

Eg: #1
One time, I was so frustrated at the lack of service, I took the clothes I had gathered, took them up to the girls gossiping about what he/she said etc for the last 20 minutes, handed them my clothes and rudely remarked, since they clearly had nothing to do,(like help customers they're getting paid to help) they could put back all these clothes I had pulled to try on and had planned on buying the items that fit.....now, I wasn't going to do any of that. And left. I've been back to that store once or twice in the past years and the service still sucks donkey ass.

It's really unfortunate that many of us have been at the receiving end of staff who could care less about the people that walk into their store. Regardless of the type of store.

Eg: #2
When I had first gained weight years ago, I was only a size 14/16. (up from a size 8/10) I was browsing the bootcut jeans at the Gap @ Metrotown. Upon being asked if I needed help looking for anything, I mentioned that yes, I'd like a pair of the bootcut petite 14 jeans. I was met with a once over look from the guy, where he replied in a scoffing tone, "We don't carry your size, try shopping online". *blink* Loudly informing him that they did carry my size as I was WEARING the size 14 bootcut jeans from that very store I had bought a month earlier. His response... shrugged and walked away. Just to be clear, I still love the Gap and it's clothes, 75% of the time the service. Just wasn't impressed with the berating tone from the jerk who told me to shop online. So much to learn little one.

Those are the, thankfully, only two horrible clothing experiences I've had.

So companies out there plus size or not, apparel or not, take your lead from the outstanding customer service at Addition-Elle. I know it's just a job to many people out there, but how you act towards people giving you their hard earned money, say a lot about your professionalism and possibly the people you work for. You don't care that persons A, B or C may never return to the store you worked at cos the lack of service,but I can guarantee the corporate portion does. Which, if the right person complains, could land you without a job as a result.

Do unto others. It's simple, basic common sense, in life and business.

Well done again Addition-Elle.

End Date. Dec 2011

2011-11-01T07:42:00.002-07:00

Of course with the good news of qualifying for a loan, I've received the bad news today that our offices will close end of December 2011.

That is all I can say at this time.

Daytime TV Sucks.

2011-10-31T09:07:00.000-07:00

Thank gawd I do not get sick often! Cos the selection outside of the Price Is Right, sucks. I don't care how old you are, 6, or 80, if you're home sick, you watch the Price Is Right. It only requires a small amount of brain power if any. Mindless entertainment.

I've been sick since Wednesday, by Thursday I thought I was on the mends, as I tend to do all I can to get better fast, as I can not take medication unless absolutely necessary. I was out and about with Single & Picky Thursday night, trying to convince her (or maybe myself) it sounded worse than it sounded. Waking up in the morning, I knew I had lost the battle. If Friday's weren't a half day, I would have called in sick.

After much of the usual things that take place being sick, I'm on the mends now. Taking today off for good measure, as the cough is nasty today, and well, my desk is communal.

I've been up for an hour, and it's almost nap time again.

Off to suck back some more kiwi's. (high in vitamin c)

I Got It!

2011-10-29T12:13:00.000-07:00

I got the car loan. I qualified for more than I asked for. :-)
I'll be taking the full amount in the end though, keeping it for repairs, new tires etc that might be needed shortly after I purchase my used (new to me) car.

I'm going to wait until after we learn the new location of our office, move, get settled in and confirm 100% that I'm still employed. Then, I'm going to go buy myself a vehicle.

Between now and then, my financial advisor gave me some extra tips how to improve my credit score even more in that time frame. I've been doing everything correctly to rebuild my credit, now it will look even better.

My stress levels are still high, though lower than they were on Monday.
It's a reality. I'm going to have a car again. Freedom!!!

It's a small accomplishment, but it's mine.

:)

The Roomate is a Button Pushing Dork.

2011-10-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

...but I love him anyways. Ok, not LOVE, but I dig him. He's fun, and annoying.

Last night he asked very randomly why I was single? I wasn't sure. I hadn't thought about it really. Also asking if I liked being single? "Well, not exactly, but it has it's bonuses". I replied. Pushing the button hard he aggressively advised me the following snarky tone, "It's your own fault, you have no one to blame but yourself! Get out there and meet people, maybe lower your standards while you're at it!"

*blink* *blink*

What?

If he had simply asked me the question in a different tone, I might not have been so defensive or heated with my reply. "I meet people all the time, doesn't mean I want to date any of them. Being at fault for my own single hood is my own responsibility, yes, but there is no fault in BEING SINGLE". We're both home during the week. I have a life Thursday - Sunday, so I'm not exactly worried about my social life. A social life he's not home to witness Friday - Sunday. Loudly and annoyed, telling him assuming anything would be rude of him.

This went back and forth for a few minutes, losing my sense of humour very quickly. Like a light bulb turning on, I realized he's deliberately pushing my buttons to get a rise out of me. Remembering in an email he likes to do these kind of these to get under people's skin.

Great, I'm living with a hot sociopath.

He lighted up when he realized he'd taken it too far and actually annoyed, semi hurting my feelings. I hate, hate it when I feel like I'm being asked to defend reasoning in my life.

Being annoyed with him, quickly shot a few digs at him myself, trying to keep it light, ending the conversation with: "If the fun and games of pissing people off is what makes you happy, don't do it with me. You have to live under the same roof, so unless you want me to be miserable all the time, resulting in making you miserable, bring it. Otherwise, fuck off."

Accepting his apology, he didn't realize I'd be so sensitive. I have no problem with his questions or his replies themselves. It's the tone he conveyed that there was something fundamentally wrong with being single and that I wasn't capable of not being single.

I guess we're still on a learning curve living together. He'll learn quickly. I'm all fun and games, but not when you personally attack me on any level.

The short of it is, he said was trying to tell me I have good qualities for a g/f, and was just surprised that I am indeed single etc.. .

That's nice, you could have just said that.

People who are in relationships tend to forget what it's like to be single. Implying we should just be snatching up any offer out there etc. Like we're desperate or something. People tend to forget we have types, qualities, natural attraction and chemistry we're looking for, etc. not everyone who asks us out meets those standards.

Lower our standards?
Sure some people have unrealistic ideas of who they're going to end up with.
The 37 yr old, 5", balding, 350 lb man, who only wants to date girls under the age of 27, that are 5'9 or taller and models, might just be single for a long time.

The rest of us, I think, are fairly realistic about the leagues they date within. Plus I personally like to casually meet someone and just have those feelings and developments grow on their own. Forced dating is like searching for an instant relationship without taking chemistry or attraction into the factor. It's all pretty and shiny, but are you going to love it in a month? That might work for some, it doesn't for myself. I've never been one for instant anything, let alone love. I don't fall in love fast or often.

Different strokes for different folks.

Don't You Know How Expensive They Are???

2011-10-26T11:08:00.003-07:00

I love my friends and family, I do.
But if I hear from one more person just how expensive it is to own a car, I might scream.

I've own cars before, while making a whole lot less money than I do now. I'm clearly aware of exactly what it costs and things to save for etc. So for the love of Gawd, stop asking me to defend WHY I feel I need a car when all you naysayers haven't taken transit on a frequent basis in decades, if ever.

I haven't even talked to the bank yet (this Saturday) to see how much I can truly afford and if I'll even qualify for a loan. That doesn't change my feelings or need for a car in my life.

Sure Transit is great for miscellaneous errands, and communting to/from work at times. Not for the everyday life in a busy city when time vs money matters. For me to run to the mall to do a 15 min errand, round trip can take up to two hours, (not always, but it can) depending on the buses, and forget Sundays as they run once an hour. Not to mention my social & love life takes a hit, cos I have to leave early from anything I'm doing to ensure I'm on the last train home, then cab it up the hill. Nice that transit stops running before the night life in our city does eh?

I had a friend a few years back that gave me a hard time how transit was sooooooo convenient etc. We switched. The deal was, I would have her car for a week (7 whole days) and she would take transit for every single thing she had to do for that week. She also lived in the hub (Kits) of Vancouver at the time, whereas I live in the burbs in Coquitlam. Any guesses as to how long she lasted? 3 days. She called demanding her car back immediately.

She gets it now. However the rest of the people in my life seem to think I'm stupid or unaware of the current economy. I'm trying not to be defensive about it, but why don't you please explain to me why you have a car, and why you don't take transit? Yet I'm asked to defend my choices of wanting one.

Not every lifestyle in the metropolitan area suites or can manage with transit alone.
Some make it work, while the same people have one vehicle shared in the family. So they're really not taking transit all day for everything they have to do, are they? No.

I actually only have a few friends who have to take transit 100% of the time, and while for some ,it's a choice to go green, others simply can't drive or can't afford to own a car.

Please I beg of you, back the fuck off. I think it is the dumbest thing in the world to question anyone who feels they need a car in their lives.

I didn't ask you to defend why you chose to have babies... Don't you know how expensive they are? Seriously people, think before you open your friggin mouths.

End of rant.

Shady Property Owner...again.

2011-10-25T08:30:00.000-07:00

Actually it's the property owner, again.

My dishwasher isn't draining properly for the last two weeks.
I finally called cos we can not find anything from our end clogging the drain.

Of course the property owner sends me a form to sign saying I agree to paying the fees for the repairs. I laughed at him again. Asked him when he was going to stop pulling illegal shit. He must really think women are stupid. His reply was "show me anywhere it says it's illegal for me to charge you for the repairs". Laughing, advising him he'd have it in his email inbox first thing in the morning.

Sent him the following.
http://www.rto.gov.bc.ca/documents/GL01.pdf

Incase the link does work, the residential tenancy policy guideline says:

Major Appliances:

1. & 2. don't apply today.

3. The landlord is responsible for repairs to appliances provided under the tenancy agreement UNLESS the damage was caused by the DELIBERATE ACTIONS or NEGLECT of the tenant.

So lets see. I've been there 9 years entering my 10th years. This is the first time I've ever had an issue with the dishwasher. (previous times have included the fridge). He always has to make it difficult.

I've attached a copy of the form to his contract work form with no signature on it. Also informed him in the email, that failure to repair appliances that belong to them and are their responsibility, will result with a filing of disputing resolution and request for decrease in rent as the dishwasher is an extra included in my rent. No dishwasher, my rent requires to be lowered as it's no longer available due to lack of repair from the property owners. I have to jump straight to these tactics as he will not take my calls or reply to emails or meet with me. It leaves me no choice but go to the law that enforces he follow these rules.

He's difficult cos he doesn't have a legal foot to stand on to evict me from the 900 sq ft corner suite with a view and hike up the rent. In short, this is his only way to force me out. 9 years, you'd think he'd learn by now, I'm not going to tire of fighting him on issues he's legally responsible for. I can only image how much more difficult life would be if he actually lived on site. HA, thank gawd he doesn't.

I can do without the dishwasher, but it's the principle of it.
Fix your fucking appliances when they break.

I'll let you know the outcome.

Rollerskating!

2011-10-24T08:31:00.000-07:00

That's right! Rollerskating! Quads. Not in-line.

A friend had her 40th B-Day party at a roller rink on Saturday. We were skaters long before skater girls were ever a thing. When this invite came around, I can tell you we were all looking for our skates, greasing up the barrings and getting new insoles!

It was a little unhealthy, just how excited I we all were!!!

It took a good 20 mins to get my legs back and stop looking like Bambi learning how to walk. Once I did though, got back into the swing of things like it hasn't been 20 years since I last wore my skates. It was like I never stopped. I was surprised, really, considering I'm sedentary for the most part. If someone had punched me in the face that night, I still wouldn't have been able to wipe the smile off my face!

The roller derby girls, were super nice to everyone on the rink who couldn't skate, even after a handful of us blasted past them without effort. This resulted a little line up (common for the beginning of a speed skate) everyone is skating in a line, in a unison pace, we let them keep up until a good song came on (ballroom blitz) and off we went. They were shocked needless to say. A bunch of 40 year old broads just left them in the dust. They were great though. We quickly chatted a bunch of them up, if they were already coming over to us. No competitive attitude, just super nice. For 2.5 hours a few of us only came off the floor to get a drink, use the restroom, or blow our noses.

Fell asleep that night and woke the next morning with a cheesy grin on my face. Felt amazing Sunday. A little stiff of course, but surprised how well my body adapted, considering some easy hatha yoga is kicking my ass.... until I woke up this morning.

Ouch, holy mother friggin mercy of gawd! ouch. It hurts to breathe! Shut up stop laughing. Will I do it again? You bet your ass I will! A few of us are already searching where to buy skates and upgrade our existing wheels. I'm heading straight for the skateboarding store. That's where I always got my gear, and changed up my wheels.

Off to buy some new outdoor wheels this weekend.

How was your weekend?

Just Saying...

2011-10-21T20:53:00.000-07:00

I would give almost anything to have a weekend or even a day with my folks right now.
I need that unconditional love, comfort and hugs that only a parent can give, that makes everything better.

Nothing is wrong, just need and want that comfort right now. I want to curled up against them, drink tea, watch tv, read, and just be content.

XO.

Flattered, but.....

2011-10-20T20:02:00.001-07:00

In the past couple months I've received a few emails with invites to write about online clothing stores etc. With offers of receiving free items to try and review and/or a discount on their clothing lines.

Flattered, although not enough to be impressed. After viewing these online stores, it was clear the people sending me the emails have never ever read my blog, where I clearly state quite often, that I'm a plus size woman.

Know your audience. Know something about the person you're soliciting. Read the blog you're selling your proposal too. One of the many things I've learned from the talented Peter Shankman is, don't waste potential clients time, or your own.

It's not in your wisest move. It makes you look like you do not care about the prospects you're trying to reach, just the numbers, if you did not do enough or any research about the person.

Granted, some might say, I'm just a small time blogger with less than a few hundred readers that should be grateful to get more exposure. Sure, some might say that. Some (me) might also say, I may be a small time blogger, I don't write to get exposure, its a venting process. If I were to write about your product, one I can not wear, what does that say about me? I would surely lose readers and any reputation I have for being able to stand behind my word.

I wrote a nice and short response explaining it would not be a suitable fit for me to write a review on their lines as I'm a plus size woman and they carter to a very specific age/size demographic... best wishes with thanks for the invite and all that stuff etc..

Addition Elle 14+, Best Bra Shopping Experience!

2011-10-20T13:20:00.000-07:00

I just had the least painful bra fitting/shopping experience in my life! Ever!

The staff at Addition Elle 14+ @ 7302 Marine Way Market Crossing in Burnaby, BC, Canada were amazing. I walked in, explained I was on my lunch hour and that my wire broke while at work.

Salesperson # 474737 wasted no time in small talk, she fitted me, pulled 4 styles in two sizes each style to start. She even came into the fitting room with me, to ensure I was fitting correctly, as I'd been wearing the wrong size (even though the people at The Bay did my last fitting)....

With the exception of one style, I was in and out in 20 minutes with 4 beautiful new bras suggested to me, in my possession.

This was my first experience where I didn't want to throw myself on the ground crying or kill the staff person helping me.
I wanted to hug Addition Elle staff # 474737!!!

I'm loyal member now. I'll be going back and stocking up on the gorgeous bras and panties! They do NOT look like armour. I had committed to the idea that being anything over a 40DD was going to look like amour that could shield small children from the sun with my bra.

To be a 38G/40DDD and still feel feminine + a positive experience = priceless.

Well done Addition Elle. Thank You.

Sincerely,

Just Saying...
Customer # 61437420

Boobies

2011-10-20T10:58:00.000-07:00

The wire in my bra just made the snapping sound of a wet towel kissing a guys ass.

The wire in my bra just snapped. And I'm at work. I now have one floppy boob. Yes they're DD's so they do not sit all pretty and perky on their own people.

Stop laughing. lol It's not funny!

The only thing I hate more than bra shopping... is doing it in a rush on my lunch hour.
:(

That is all...carry on with your day now.

Cont....Social Ques - I got a little carried away.

2011-10-20T08:58:00.000-07:00

This was my reply to Single & Picky's comment on the last entry.
Got a little carried away with my reply, so I thought I'd repost it as an entry, and welcome your input.

.....I have a few friends that are GF. It's hard. They hate it. While there are slowly becoming more GF choices it's not an easy life. Get really sick or just feel a little blah in comparison by avoiding the GF all together???

You (and other friends) are grown adults with the ability to educate themselves, ask questions, obtain professional nutritional information that will help you live a better life... FOR YOU.

For the naysayers.. screw you. Really. Educate yourself. Ask questions. Doesn't mean you have to agree in the end, but at least you'll have an informed opinion to back up your disagreeance of the issue.

Next....

Social protocol is gone.

The next generation are going to be a society of 140 characters to talk/type. There will be short hand, no more full written sentences.

Manners.... well they're already gone. No one removes their hats indoors anymore, end conversations by simply not replying, not giving up your seat to anyone who might need it, disrespecting their elders or authority, cos our legal system is flawed, and slow to prosecute those breaking the law in a timely manner.

I'm sad for the future children of this world. Personally, I think we grew entirely too fast as a species, and will destroy ourselves as a result of moving forward to fast and not taking more time to preserve the present and past in the process.

I'm sad for the days when human contact and touch is a thing of the past.

Know your social ques.

2011-10-17T08:43:00.000-07:00

Just a word to the wise...

If you're on a new founded, self empowerment, spiritual journey, or whatever you want to call it. You can not belittle those around you when they disagree with your beliefs and/or thought patterns. Then expect them to be supportive of you and your choices when you're belittling and blatantly disrespect theirs. It's a two way street friend.

I've had it with my friend on the Island who has "found herself" in the last couple years. I've been bombarded with a shit load of Bcc: emails on how to treat certain ailments with herbs and how A, B and C routes cause cancer.

She aimed specific ailments at those in the email. I won't divulge the ailments of other people, though I will mine, cos it's no secret, and I believe in being an open book with my friends about body and mental health. The more you know... etc. I have hypothyroidism and a wussy stomach that has recently gotten worse.

Let me say, I love my doctor. He knows where I stand about being on medication and taking pills in general. He respects it. I take a prescribed med for my thyroid and my stomach. Nothing else. I try not to take Advil etc unless realllllllllllly required. I do not take allergy pills unless I'm going to the island or somewhere were the animals run the house etc. I have a 3 pill rule. Any more than that, there is something more going on.

I educate myself. I ask questions. I also trust in my doctors as they are not pill pushers and get to the cause of your issues. If they can control, repair or cure your illness without meds, he'll try. The fact I do take two prescribed medications, causes this friend to flip her lid. She sends unsolicited emails about the harm I'm doing my body etc some manifest written by someone with no medical experience or education...just an opinion. A strong one at that.

I've had it.
I love my friend but hate where she is in her head. Recap: this is the same girl who told a house full of people at a christmas dining room table, how'd we all be healthier if we were vegetarians....while at a TURKEY dinner!

The fact I even feel the need to defend my choices for my own health, simply pisses me off. In addition to my response to her, I mentioned as gently as I could, she was still welcome to come for a visit in November, but not if she was going to be spewing her opinion on the way I live my life, or my roommates, cos it doesn't correspond or agree with hers. If she couldn't refrain, then she was welcome to stay home.

As much as I want to support her, I strongly suggested she keep her opinions to herself. She can believe in whatever she wants, she just doesn't have to share it with everyone, of every minute of every waking moment. I like to let others live their lives however they want if they're not hurting anyone. When I'm at the receiving end of an attack via mass group emails, regarding that I'm "killing" myself with my medical choices etc, then I have a problem. Ignoring her won't help the cause.

I'm ranting here, but know, that my reply to her was gentle, using her "way of talk" to make the point of BACK OFF SISTER!

It's the holier than thou, you're all beneath me attitude and sometimes the words are said, that makes me question if I have what it takes to be supportive and friends with someone who belittles me for my life choices while expecting support from others.

I'd thought she'd found that happy medium of knowing social ques of when its appropriate to spew her thoughts and when it's not. Now she's living on her own again. (whole other story there) and now there is no balance. It's go go go go spew spew spew. Even the way she talks is different. The voice is raised, patronizing, and a little yoga instructor tone. (soft, drawn out, instructing words) It's not her.

When I'm on the Island, I won't be staying with her as she opted not to have any furniture. She sleeps on a yoga mat in her sleeping bag, soon to be a daybed in the living room, and uses the living room and bedroom as a healing space. Upon asking her about having guests over etc, her reply was, they'd have to bring their own chairs if they plan on hanging out etc. And she wonders why I have no intentions of staying with her or why she can't find a date? You're almost 40. You can believe/practive what you want and still have grown up furniture.

In order for her to really blossom in her journey, I suggested she travel the world. The lower mainland and the Island are really not going to embrace her at this level of the game. (see I can have tact).

I know this must seem as I'm bashing her. I am a little. Frustrated, however I am not discouraging her journey. I simply do not want unsolicited input, and mass emails advising me I'm killing myself for not believing in the same lifestyle.

The short of it is.... know your audience. Pick your battles. Know your social ques.

Family Trip or Buy a Car?

2011-10-14T09:59:00.000-07:00

With the uncertainty of my future employment, my trip back east to see my family has been put on hold. There are too many variables to cover at the moment. The short of it is, retaining employment will trump visiting my family back east in the spring. Again.

Sadly, I'll have to take the savings for my much needed trip and buy a car. I wanted to buy a car out of want not need. Is there really a difference though?

Ya cars are expensive, though being on my own schedule and not transits, it worth the difference in cost alone. Currently it costs me $1320 a year in transit passes. And my bus only runs once an hour after 8pm m-s and once an hour all day on Sundays. Oh and it stops running altogether after 11pm all week.

My insurance a year for a few different models/years will be less than what I pay for transit. I have a great rate. Thank gawd! Add gas, car payments and I'm still seeing it as being easier in many aspects of my life. It may not be the car I want, however it will be a car nonetheless.

I haven't started to panic yet. There are a few more announcements to come. Once we know more, then I'll freak out accordingly.

I've Been Sold.

2011-10-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

Sort of.
The Bargle Company I work for has announced today that they've sold the company and it's TM rights's to another NY firm. Not just our company, the parent company and every bargle company that falls under it's umbrella.

What does this mean? Many many people are going to be out of work.
Until I have an end date, it's business as normal.

It's kind of a shame. I like the area and the building I work in. Looking for a new job, negotiating wages and shopping for proper cooperate clothes is not fun. Though part of being an adult I guess.

I loathe the idea of having to work in Surrey. I will commute a distance, just to avoid crossing that particular bridge. I worked 5 years in crackville and the stress of being mugged for drug money as I walked thru the shadiest area of crackville was always there. Even if most of the smacky and crackies were for the most part were harmless. It's not a desirable place to work. Not true of all the Surrey District. Just Crackville.

So there you have it. I have a pending unemployment date.

Accutane. Thanksgiving. Xmas

2011-10-11T11:10:00.001-07:00

Friday was, what I'd hope would be my last appointment with the dermatologist. Not so. I'm probably looking at a year on this as long as I can tolerate it.

7.5 months in and we've changed the dose from 40mg a day to a 40/80 every other day. As long as my body will tolerate it and the bad cholesterol stays down, (which btw is down to 3.2 now, started at 2.3 and spiked to 5.2) we might finish on this dosage.

It's been a bad month for bone pain, aches and pains. Not unusual later in the treatment. I've still yet to find any blogs that continue after 4 months at a regular dose.
At first I thought taking the accutane in the summer might be bad with dryness etc. Now that it's cooling off and the air is changing, and not to mention turning the heat on in my apt, just to take the chill off....well winter might be worse for the side effects. My eyes and inner nose are dying from dryness. No amount of Vaseline or drops seems to be help. I'll adjust.

Good news.... my liver is holding up with the limited alcohol I've been ingesting. woot!

Ok, moving on...

Thanksgiving...

#1 Pet Peeve: People who are notoriously late.
I waited 30 mins in a very unsavory area of crackville, waiting for my ride. I texted her to say I was waiting 15 more minutes then heading home. My ride arrives almost immediately, and I'm promptly asked why I didn't call??.....

I'm sorry?? If I said I'd be at Point A @ 3pm, you should be here at 3pm. I shouldn't have to call unless I've missed a bus or something happens. If I can get here on time via transit, you should also be able to arrive on time via a car. (unless there is an accident etc).

Those kind of things annoy the friggin piss out of me! Anyone who knows me, knows I'm always on time. ALWAYS! Unless it's out of my control. I'm flexible with friends who have small children, cos I know how that can go down. Though no kids, don't be late. If you can get to work and meetings on time, you can arrive to our plans on time too.

Moving on to the good stuff.
Dinner was amazing! Company was good. Laughter and memories. Turkey Coma = bliss. I'm still recovering from the turkey induced coma over the weekend. I might not have to eat until next week.

Xmas.
Talking to one of my sisters over the weekend, she happened to ask again if I'd be in town for Christmas. I had mentioned it a few times earlier in the year that I would be. I received a formal invite (not a, "you know you're always welcome", bullshit comment).
It's official. I'm spending Christmas with my one sister, niece and grandniece. :)

I have Xmas shopping to do! The first time in 6 years that I've had to go out and buy actual gifts. Kind of excited. I'll start and finish next week. :)

This is a big deal. I haven't spent Christmas with any blood family in 10 years. The Xmas after my Mum passed away was the last time all of the siblings were in the same room on a holiday.

I'm emotional, scared and excited all at the same time. Kind of feels like all the effort I've put out to make sure we all stay in touch, is slowly starting to pay off. Now, I will never hold my breath to see all the siblings in the same room again. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy the little successes of lunch dates and not end up with tables turned or siblings in the river etc... I'll take it.

Gobble Gobble!

2011-10-07T10:54:00.001-07:00

There is a hair in my bra tickling me and I can not remove it as there are people in my area! grrrrr.. driving me insane! Giving me the heebie jeebies.

It's the Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend. Woot, extra day to sleep in!

Happy Gobble Gobble Stalkers!
Happy Columbus Day to my stalkers south of the boarder.

Don't forget to wear elastic pants this weekend! ;-p

Mommy, they're just like me....

2011-10-05T09:34:00.003-07:00

And This Is My Blog wrote this excellent piece about her son (possibly) knowing he's gay at 6 yrs old.

I have a nephew and many friends that are gay. I love them. ~~regardless.~~ (thanks jen)
She makes an excellent point , objecting that being gay is only about sexual acts. Our emotions and feelings, our attractions and compulsions, all contribute, not just our body parts.

But I do love when those that disapprove voice they're opinion, which they're entitled too when they say being gay is a choice. I always ask them (random strangers conversation or not) if I heard it, I inject my question into their conversation, "When did you choose to be straight?"

Or any of the picture quotes on FB. Against gay marriage? Blame straight people who have the gay babies.

Unfortunately, my one sister in-law isn't a supportive mother. At least she doesn't appear to be. They hide the fact their middle child (one of my many nephews) is gay from her side of the family. Shame. I do not care what era her parents and family are from. This is a human being, whom you loved unconditionally until you found out. And then wonders why he goes to Europe for the holidays with his friends (straight and gay) rather than coming home.

That's why I agree whole heartily with Amelia and her objection towards others who say being gay is all about sexual acts.

Marriage is marriage, not gay marriage. I parked my car, I didn't gay park it.

You do not have to agree with the topics on being gay.
I only ask you educate yourself more. Stop hate from breeding. Even if you don't agree with it. One day you could be the parent of a child who decides their gay.

I'm THAT Girl... :-(

2011-10-04T19:11:00.001-07:00

It's official, I'm that girl. I'm the other woman.

Sim over @ The Dating Rital wrote this post today and it got me thinking.

I'm not a good person.
In her post I commented that she shouldn't trust her man, due to texts she found. I wrote what I did, cos I've been that other woman.

Sometimes knowingly, most of the time unknowingly.

In the past two years that I've been single, I've engaged in things I'd be pissed at, if it happened to me.

6 men in two years, who all had girlfriends and one wife.
Now before you light your pitch forks, it's never my intention to steal the man, though, still horribly wrong.

I even tried justifying it. "If he doesn't respect her, why should I? Not my problem."
And for the girls I didn't know existed, I didn't feel bad, until afterwards, and honestly, had I known upfront, I probably still would have done it.

Shame.

2 of the events, I went into knowing the g/f's existed.
1 was physical. The rest were not. Only via sexting, web cam, msn/facebook chat and phone calls. I know, that doesn't make it any better. It's still cheating.

Now, I could never date any of these men. As I would never be able to trust them knowing they did what they've done with me. I would never cheat on my b/f. Ever. So how can I do this?

It wasn't until Simm wrote her post and I got to thinking that I even saw the pattern.

I've got some serious morals, principles, self respect and dignity to revamp. There is a picture saying going around on FB "How people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours". It's haunting me a little.

I chose to entertain these events. Me. No gun to my head. All on my own. I chose to be the other woman. Not to maliciously hurt anyone. Not to steal your b/f. It was done out of excitement, boredom and loneliness.

I'll be making a very tangible change. I won't entertain the proposals that come my way if I know about the g/f. And the ones I don't, well that's always going to be tough. But once I find out, it will be over.

I put out good karma often, but not where intimacy matters. I'm hating myself over that. I've never felt good about it, and tried again, many times to justify it to myself.

Just to be clear. I've never done this to any girl I've known. Ok, only one, but I do not respect her, nor him. Come to think about it, I don't respect any of the men that I've had an affair with on any level. It also appears I didn't respect myself either.

Don't judge me too harshly, I'm changing the ways. I have to live with it, and I don't want that hanging over me or come back to me 10 fold.

Sex w/friends Who Have Spouses.

2011-10-03T08:43:00.001-07:00

Remember how I told you last week about a male friend (who has a g/f) that is pouting cos I won't sleep with him?

He updated his FB wall status with a comment aimed directly at me, the morning he originally proposed he come over and let him service me.. Ya he used the term "service me". barf.

"You can't ruin friendship with sex, it's like adding sprinkles to ice cream".
~ Raj...BIG BANG THEORY

Before you think I'm being all self important, he emailed me to ensure I had read his status update. Right, cos that will make me change my mind to sleep with you?? Or some backwards attempt to try and make me feel bad for rejecting him? Try again.

Boys, I swear to gawd they are missing a vital parts of their brain at times. I hope the g/f questions it. Smart to cover it up with a quote, though anyone who knows this man, can probably see right through it.

Rotting Feet & Ass.

2011-10-02T22:08:00.000-07:00

I ate popcorn tonight!
3 full handfuls!

For those that don't know, I HATE popcorn. I think it smells like rotting feet and ass.
Yes I know what ass smells like. Any girl who's ever had a b/f that thinks his farts are funny, knows what ass smells like.

I was craving it. That in itself is just messed up. Until til someone mentioned my body was probably craving salt. Or I was pregnant.

I've eaten popcorn tonight. I did not enjoy it, but my craving did.
Wonder how sick I'll be tomorrow?

Volunteering & Crazy C Update

2011-10-02T18:23:00.001-07:00

Well, I might not have a volunteer job to go back to in November after recent events.

An email was sent out by the museum manager at 1am advising that a local resident walking their dog past the I.House Museum, saw a person emptying a small jerrycan of liquid onto the porch of the house. Police were called, they found evidence (intimate details are left out of this blog as this is an ongoing investigation) belonging to the suspect. No one has been apprehended at this time. This was the second incident to happen this night. As the steamship museum also had a problem reported.

Upon my return, I was to be placed at the steamship. This makes me slightly nervous as I'd only be with one other person. The house, well there are tones of people around, but I have no interest working in the house. The museum is different and I'll test it out under the new curator.

Can't help but think the events at both locations, on the same night, are related and preformed by the same person. My instincts jump to a disgruntled employee. Or someone with a grudge against all things related to the museum(s).

Needless to say, this might just be the extra something I needed not to return in November.

Crazy C Update.
She must not know how FB notifications work. I get an email every time someone requests my FB friendship. 3 times in the last 2 weeks,that she has requested it. Shocked, I looked up her name, finding the request is no longer there, and she had blocked me, as I can't even retrieve her name. Repeat 2 more times. I've kept those email notifications. Just.in.case.

If it keeps up, I may have to contact her with a harassment warning. I do not need this to slowly turn into a single white female scenario. So nipping it in the butt with a serious legal warning might be the only way to go. This would not be the first no contact or harassment order she's received. Ya, she showed all her cards early on, and I ignored them. Silly me.

7 months Accutane - Men sucking.

2011-09-28T08:50:00.000-07:00

Things are pretty uneventful around my life right now. Which is nice.

The Douche has ceased with the text messaging for the time being.
The roommate is working out.....

Life has just gone back to normal. For a bit there, it was very social. Lots of eating out, and spending money. Fortunately, it was on stuff I "needed" not want. I had some control. But now I'm broke. lol

Accutane is still kicking my ass. I started up Yoga again, and after 3 classes had to quit again. I was feeling okay, but have done something to my shoulders and neck, which has landed me back in physio. :( Being fragile with bone density while on accutane is sad. I know what 80 yr little ladies must feel like. It's emotional to feel okay, then move and feel like bones could break.

I have a follow up in two week with my dermatologist, and I'm really hoping she calls it a day. I want to be off this drug. I can stop at any time,(no one is holding a gun to my head) though I really want to be past the point of the acne going back to the way it was.

I think I am. Maybe one.more.month, but that is it. Not sure my body can take more. Once I'm off it, I'll be upping the calcium again. I'm still taking it, however not every meal and I forget. So really, I'm taking it once a day instead of the recommended 3 times day. I've already broke the two rules I must abide by. Sans sex and alcohol. Both of which I've had in the last two weeks. I'm done. I'm so ready to be off this drug.

Minor drama. Nothing life altering.

....Another male friend who has a live in g/f has been moping cos I won't sleep with him. Wtf? Dude you're in a committed relationship. That means, no sexting, no inappropriate conversations, no rehashing the past affairs we've had when we were both single. It's all cheating.

Well. That wasn't received well at all. I was met with a text message full of mean words, pouting and minor name calling. Can it even be minor if you're trying to belittle someone for having morals and trying to stay consistent?

Until this moment, I liked this guy. He was fun, always up for anything. Now, I'm afraid, I have to say goodbye if he can't respect my decision. What he does with his relationship is his business. Don't turn into a bitch when I decline to be part of it. I've have enough male bitches in my life, I do not need another one thanks. Just got rid of the last one.

I asked him as nicely as I could to stop acting like a little girl. And if he didn't like or respect my decision to not be part of an affair with him, then we might have to rethink where we stand as friends. "Whatever", was his only response. I've kept the msg's for reasons to protect myself at the moment.

Should he choose to be a bigger douche about it, I'll contact the g/f directly,(we have a few mutual friends) and kindly let her know how I'm being propositioned by her b/f of 4 years... I would hate to go that route. I'm trying to live by the whole "do unto others" etc.. cos I know I'd want someone to respect the sisterhood enough to tell me my man is a cheating whore. Gawd knows it didn't happen in the past. But that's a story for another time, that really, doesn't need to be rehashed. Moving forward. I still know where/when/how to pick my battles. That's never been an issue.

So that my stalkers, is the only little drama I have at the moment. I say little, cos I refuse to humour this conversation more than just writing it here.

Matt's Challenge.

2011-09-22T07:23:00.001-07:00

Matt @ Learning From Self History commented on this entry a few weeks back. He contemplated just exactly how much to write and how obscure he could be, without risk of offending me, or appearing to be attacking me. Instead he wrote me a private message explaining just that.

I instructed him to never censor himself and I would never delete any comments unless they were truly offensive. I post the posts I do, cos I want real feed input. In the few emails we exchanged he explained that he seems to only comment on blogs lately while half-trying to challenge someones whole way of looking at things. He extended his offer to send more comments if I was interested in hearing further thoughts from him, which might involved he might be a bit overly challenging towards my point of view.

My blog isn't just one of venting. It's also one of reflecting the past and present to grow and expand my views. With that said, Matt gave me a challenge even though he was still a little weary about going to far with his comments.

He gave me 5 questions to answer. 5 of which required some thought. It wasn't an easy thing to sit down and really look at myself internally. Admit out loud my faults, my vulnerabilities.

I'm not going to share all 5 questions/answers with you. I'm going to keep 4 to myself as I hold them dear, and frankly I'm still absorbing what I learned about myself. For that, Matt will always have a special place in the back of my head for this challenge.

Without further ado, here is the one question he challenged me with that I'm comfortable with posting.

Q:
One of those old psychology clichés, but it may have value: Part of you is seeking out guys who share characteristics with someone/multiple someones from your past, in order to get the chance to replay past experiences but with the hope of finding a way to arrive at a different outcome.

If you're up for it I'd be interested to read a post along the lines of "The 5 men who've played the biggest part in my life so far, and how things played out with each of them" (Don't all have to be relationships - hell, I haven't had 5 long-term relationships - but just 5 men who have influenced how you see men.)

I just had a quick look through your past posts for anything like this but didn't manage to find anything (although I did see the following sentence in a May 2010 post: "All the men in my life, friends or otherwise, are all cheating, lying to their spouses or jerking around women for fun" - ouch - this reminds me that it's still possible that most men are jerks and that I'm the one who's got the skewed world-view!)

A:
5 men who have influenced or played a big part in my life. Relationship or not.
This is harder than I thought. I don’t want to get all-deep seeded but of course, most will think it starts with my Dad. It doesn’t. It starts with my siblings.

I’ve longed for acceptance from my siblings my whole life. Family is important to me and the fact mine is so dysfunctional, I strive to have it even more. I’m the youngest of 6. I grew up the youngest, and the only child, as there are many years between me and the next sibling and almost 2 decades between the oldest and me. Sooooo, that need to be accepted by my siblings, starts my pattern of choosing the men I do. And toughing it out much longer than I need or even wants too.

Jason W. The Ex.
My first real love.
Almost a solid 8 years. Probably the healthiest relationship I’ve had.
He was the first to tap into my anger issues in a soft way that prompted me to start with anger management. He was kind, patient, calm, handsome, strong, athletic, funny as all get out and completely impossible at other times. He would take something that bugged me and or something I was very serious about and make a joke out of it, until I yelled at him. There was a healthy balance though like any relationship. About 6-7 years into our relationship, he suddenly became “concerned” about my weight. At the time, I was only 130/135 lbs, in shape, still extremely active. However this was the start of other issues we’d be side stepping. We eventually broke up. It was civil, caring, calm. We simply did not want the same things for our futures.

Adam H.
We only went out a few times and never connected on enough levels to be romantic.
I remember clearly being on dates with him and being impressed just how naturally he was a gentleman. Thinking to myself, “it should be like this all the time. Easy.” He didn’t do things to try and sleep with me. He did them cos it was the right thing to do. He got to know me over wine, walks and movies. I still remember saying to him that he’d raised the bar for all other men. He was consistent. Polite. Handsome. Grown up.

Adam W.
Just like the other Adam. He is the most consistent man I know. We’ve never dated, although back in the beginning before he found his fiancé. There was an open invite, but I never touched it. He treats his friends’ great. Does things when asked, never expecting anything in return, and never holds favours he’s filled, over anyone’s head. I strive to have more mutual relationships with my friends like this, and to be more consistent. It’s been a constant change, in a good way.

Evan E.
I learned much from this relationship. It was short lived and intense. He lived here 1/2 the time and back east the other half. This relationship lasted less than 2 years in total. As foolish as some of the things we did as a result of being in love, I learned a couple things. 1) I will never move out of BC for anyone. Period. Selfish I know. 2) You can NOT live in two house holds while trying to share a bed full time. I refused to give up my apartment while I lived with him. Maybe I knew this wasn't meant to last, or I was still under the spell of The Douche. It ended amicably and he moved to another province to for work. I hold special thoughts for the way he made me laugh and for not hating me when I ended our relationship.

The Douche.
He was amazing, considerate, dorky, kind and also impossible at times. We had our issues from the start due to our previous living arrangements. We had only known each other two years when my Mum passed away. He stepped up. He was there for me while I was having a mental break down. I don’t say that lightly. It was serious. I wasn’t taking care of myself. We weren’t even together anymore when he’d stop by to make sure I was sleeping, eating and bathing. I wasn’t doing any of those things.

He broke into my suite once when he knew I was home but wouldn’t answer the door. (I was heavily sedated and don’t remember the events leading up to this or a few afterwards). I came too in the shower, fully clothed, as The Douche was undressing me, rubbing soap on me, washed my hair, and shaved my legs. I remember the numb, listlessness feeling I had. Like I wasn’t even there, but I was watching it all take place.

He had bathed me, made sure I ate something, and tucked me into bed on a few occasions in those first couple weeks. I don't remember the day as it happened, or the days after that (it came to me afterwards), he told me he stopped by to make sure I was okay. I remember opening my freezer once and realizing someone had put a few ready to heat up small meals. It was him. He was also the one to tell me I would cry in my sleep, and the first to notice I had started sleep walking.

Post trauma stress is a funny thing. It can fuck you up royally.

For those of you who only read the bad things I say about him, these are just a few of the great things he did. The behind the scenes that no one ever sees or knows about.

This is why I continued to fall back on him as my “go to” guy when I was having a problem. Cos I knew he could fix it. Deep down, I knew I held onto our relationship much much longer than I needed to, even when we weren’t good to each other. His influence as a caregiver was a result of me putting up with his bullshit for years… He fixed and protected me. And up until recently, he was still that person for me, even whilst in another relationships. I've since made a huge effort to move on. I have too.

So Matt, there you have it.

The men who have shaped and influenced me in one-way or another. What I got from writing this, though I’m not sure if I’ll publish this, is, I need a kind man that fulfills the many layers of my onion. He must be kind, understanding, patient, opinionated, funny, consistent, supportive, respectful, and lastly, strong enough to date, and love me. I’m a handful.

I got quite a bit of self-realization about my dating habits from having to think about all this, and putting it on paper. Can’t assign blame to anyone but me. This has definitely given me something to think about. What to change. What to put up with. How to give myself more self-respect. Now I just have to find the balance of not being cold hearted and letting people go to soon or harshly and when to really let them in.

Matt and I exchanged a few more emails after this that I won't be sharing. Some things just have to be kept private. Although he did give permission to post our whole conversation.

You talk too much.

2011-09-20T09:31:00.000-07:00

I've caught myself on more than a few occasions recently talking or laughing out loud as I'm waking from a sleep. It's safe to say I'm talking in my sleep, again.

This happens from time to time. Usually stressed or excited about something. I thought I was pretty neutral lately.

Anyways, I can only imagine what I'm talking about, to whom, and why so loudly.
The first time when it happened, I thought the voice was in my room was another person at first and I jumped up, only to realize it was me. This has happened repeatedly in the last while.

Fun fun.

Murphy's Law vs. Accutane vs. Just Sayin...

2011-09-19T14:24:00.000-07:00

I've had both two real beer, and sex in the last 48 hours, and now... I feel like shit.

I'm not suppose to do either while on Accutane. Even though it is written "on occasion" you can have a drink. I waited 7 months for that friggin occasion, and what did I get? NOTHING. No buzz. Nothing.

And the sex? Mind blowing and extremely needed! (maybe wasn't mind blowing just overdue for my own sanity) now... I have a headache! Migraine actually. Isn't sex suppose to take care of that for you?

Why the sex? If I didn't have it soon, I was going to rape my hot roommate who loves to walk around half naked with his ridiculously delicious body. *sigh*. Plus it's been 7 long months. Self love can only get you so far. That itch in the very back needed to be, well...itched. Hard.

Accutane 1. Murphys Law 1. Just Sayin 0.5

Ok here are the updates....7 in total.

2011-09-16T09:44:00.001-07:00

MonthlyInfor.com
This is for all the ladies and men who have ladies in their lives.

monthlyinfor.com is a simple tool to help you keep track of your menstrual cycles. Basically, you record each time your period starts, and MonthlyInfo uses your history to generate predictions and statistics about your cycles. You can then create and customize reminders which can be sent to your email address or text messaged to your phone.

Can't go wrong with this. I find it might best serve those of us not on birth control pills etc, so you know exactly when you're getting your period. I count on a calendar, but this is just too easy not too. I've set up reminder emails/texts and messages to myself in regards to:
1)Pmsing commences in 3 days (Don't freak out, you're pmsing, go buy comfort food)2)Breast exam reminders
3)An aprox time as to when I'll start again. (Put tampons in your bag this week)

It hasn't failed me yet.
And the great thing about this, when you have a couple months in, the site will make up a chart and/or pie graph for you, in case you ever need to see the pattern of your cycle for any medical reasons.

FREE! Check it out, try it out, pass the word along. If not for yourself, but for someone you might think could benefit from it.

Whiny Bitch- aka Douche.
He's still texting (although it's slowing down) and I'm still not replying. He's pouting with comments like, "I guess you don't like me anymore. lol" or, "Are you dating someone now?" I replied once, it was short and curt. "I'm busy with stuff."

Of course I still "like" him. He wasn't a complete assface all the time. There are some really good things about him, but blah blah blah... he's someone else's problem now.

Although I think I've got it figured it out. He wants what he can't have. So I'm going to phone him and suggest coffee(in public) and because now he's getting access to me, he won't do anything about it. lol. I'm going to let him think he's calling the shots etc.

Some might say, just cut all ties etc. I could, but I don't hate him. I'm still a little hurt from the results of our relationship, but I don't hate him. And would always be pleasant in person should we cross paths with our significant others.

Out of Town Guests:
A g/f from out of town came to visit for a week. Without boring you will all the little details, here are some things we got up too.
*CM made Robson St her bitch in a matter of minutes!
*I was assigned my own personal security detail at the Vancouver Art Museum.
*I managed to spend very little money.
Entirely too much laughing, reminiscing, and no rest. It was a good week.

Roommate:
If this guy stays the way he is now, he can stay forever!
He cleans up after himself. He's stealthy quiet. He paid Octobers rent the second week of September. He's considerate. He takes out the garbage, even though I could do it myself. And the first time I cook dinner for us, he does the dishes without saying anything. I asked him what he was doing, he replied "you cooked it, I'll clean it".

Okay, the dude is ME in male form. Or it's simply, I finally am having a roommate experience with someone who has manners and obtains that common sense gene most people seem to be missing these days.

He's told me about a few of his last rooming experiences and they have sounded fairly normal, though thus far has said I'm far more easier to live with compared to those in the past. Maybe it could be cos we're closer to the same age than his previous mates, or the fact we laid down the rules in emails (no he said/she said) of what to expect from each other before I agreed to let him move in.

Whatever it is, it works, right now.

Social Month:
For the month of August and September I have eaten out for practically every single meal. It's just a very social month and a bit.

Got together with Single & Picky last week for dinner. We met up at the Memphis Blues BBQ House. It was a lot of meat for two girls. As it turns out I'm not a fan of brisket at all. I was a little disappointed overall with the meal. I had an image that the food would be a true southern style. The cooking style maybe, but the taste was bland. Anyone here could cook it the same way. It wasn't anything special other than being a ridiculous amount of meat for cheap.

Aside from the meal itself, getting in a visit with Single &Picky is always a joy. She's a fun girl regardless if the topic is serious or light and fluffy.

Lastly- Yoga:
I started yoga again after a long hiatus, I got the okay to return. Nothing much more to report on that. Other than I'm searching to buy a new matt that is at least 10-12mm thick.

Accutane:
Is a bitch.
I'm starting month 7!!! That's right, we've finished month six 2 days ago.
I do believe we're going to aim for a whole year. I've surrendered to it. Although I did have a real beer or 2 this week.

Can you guess how that went? First alcohol in 6 months? NOTHING! Nothing fun happened. I didn't get drunk off 2 beers. I didn't get a hangover (yay) although I did feel like my body was working a little harder to rid of toxins the next day. Unfortunately I do not believe I'll be one of those people who can have a drink from time to time while on this accutane. If my body can't handle the regular dosage of this drug, it would make sense it wouldn't react well to alcohol then.

Good news:
I was able to bring my cholesterol down five points. We started at 2.3 and spiked to 5.2. Lowered the dosage and it's under 5 now at 4.7 Which is still considered somewhat high, but no longer in the dangerous zone. This of course wasn't an overnight thing. It's been months to lower it. I thought I was doing everything correctly. I wasn't.
I've since cut out dairy, lowered my meat intake (wasn't that high to begin with) and upped the veggies and fruit etc.

Bad news:
I still have side effects. From a change in my hearing (temporary) to the bleeding noses still. Chapped lips and a little eczema from the accutane dry skin. I'm doing my best to defeat it. Though it's exhausting at times.

Good news:
I have found a new sunscreen. It's called Sunforgettable. it's stupid expensive though. $53 -$70 depending where you purchase it. It's a mineral powered sunscreen. No more greasy, hot, sweating faces. I've yet to pick it up, but I'm on it this weekend as I wear sun screen all year round.

There you have it blog-o-sphere family. Updates.

Unemployed....

2011-09-15T19:37:00.001-07:00

.....well not yet. But it could be coming, sooner than later.

Our company received a global wide (covers all companies under the umbrella of the bargle parent company) that a huge aggressive cost reducing action was taking place immediately, on going til the middle of October. The last paragraph of the email said "no department will be left untouched". We let a few people in our office go today. Senior vp corps at the head office of said parent bargle company were also let go.

Oh ya, feeling oh so secure.
No one from the highest of vp's to the lowest of the peon staff are safe.

If I come home with a job between tomorrow and end of October, I'll be surprised. We're all replaceable.

Even without the current living arrangements I have, I'd be okay til mid November, rent, bills and extras would be taken care of for a month. I've never been unemployed for more than a few days, but to ever think it will always be that easy to find employment, would be a very bad and unrealistic move on my part.

I'll keep you updated. I'll keep me updated. I'm fairly excitable right now and could go from crying to biting your head off. Until I can calm down, get my ducks in a row and move forward.

I've talked to my boss, and although she can not discuss those things with me in detail, she did say she would let me know in her own way. We've had this arrangement for a few years. It's discreet and professional.

That is all.

Chawels on Dragons Den

2011-09-15T08:20:00.003-07:00

I think I've mentioned it before, asking you if you knew what a Chawel was?
It's a "cha-nge to-wel" Cha-wel = CHAWEL! www.chawel.com

Last night on the season premier of Dragons Den, the first pitch of the night was my friend pitching his design. The Chawel. (How many times can I plug the name Chawel?)

If you care to watch it, check out the episode here. Chawels episode on Dragons Den It's the first pitch. :) Do you think he choose the best offer? As all the Dragons made one.

If you like what you see, order one, tell people about it, and of course blog about it!!!
You can also YouTube the commercials he made.

I own several.
Actually I own one of the original protos which in my opinion are the better ones as he use to make them with prints. Ducks, frogs, cancer ribbon, camouflage, and adult friendly prints, and many more colours etc.. However the demand vs. time to produce and ensuring he had the print available wasn't balancing, now they are two tone colour, longer, and have an inside pockets for your money, ipod, etc. Though rumour has it, he may do special addition prints for the holidays.

Chawel it up baby!!!

Post update....

2011-09-12T08:42:00.000-07:00

I have a few posts to enter, though they will be delayed as some interesting stuff is taking place at work, I will no longer be posting from work until the dust clears. I rarely have the energy to post once I get home. But maybe, just maybe it will defer how much TV I'm watching lately.....

Stay tuned......

Whiny Bitch

2011-09-06T11:03:00.000-07:00

My ex is making me laugh hard!

This past week and a half (longweekend included) I've been on holidays as you know. Which means I've been pretty unavailable to anyone who wasn't with me. Over the long weekend I started to receive a few text msg's from the ex. Nothing inappropriate. But the messages got whinier and whinier the more time passed and I hadn't replied.

I think he has his period.

9 messages in total. The last few asking where I was, why I wasn't at home (lovely assumption, thanks Douche) and lastly "*sigh*, I guess you're out enjoying the sun."

I love how he always assumes I'm at home when he texts me. Like I don't have a life of my own. And how he pouts when he doesn't get an immediate reply. Yet he can take up to a week to reply. That doesn't bother me, cos I'm usually just replying to his text.

I said I was moving on. And I am.
This has resulted with an very poutty and whiny ex who has a fiance.
I still stand by that I said; we could be civil and chat from time to time, but I never thought I'd be at the receiving end of a guy who's about to get his period.

I get it though. I do.

I've had those moments myself, where I just want to talk to him. Lean on him for his calm and rational reasoning when I'm being a spazz. The only difference here, I'm forthright about what I need from him in those moments and refrain from acting all needy and whiny since he decided he didn't want a life with me.

Had we been doing the on/off again thing, I totally would have tapped into the whiny "love me, snuggle me" whiny moments.

Stop being a whiny bitch, rub some dirt on it, and put your big girl panties on.

Side note: Once he stops being such a girl, I'll return his messages.

Holiday Recap

2011-09-04T12:15:00.000-07:00

Still on holidays. Well, technically my holidays are over, but they ended the day before the long weekend. Soooo I'm still on holidays. lol

Now that my company has left, and my weekend guest had to cancel, I'm sitting still.
All fidgety and stuff. Everyone is out of town for the weekend. Even the roommate is away visiting his g/f and family for the long weekend. I'm bored.

Can only clean the apartment so many times. lol

My house guest CM came into town a day late, but we made up for it quickly. Long long hours shopping on Robson St. CM made Robson her bitch. It was crazy how much money she spent in two days on the strip.

We spent our down time at the Vancouver Art Gallery, where I was assigned my own personal security detail after taking a picture of a display. I didn't know it was a display, honest. I thought it was funny, I got busted using my little cell phone camera but those walking around using their iPads to take pictures every 5th or 6th person weren't even acknowledged. What did security think they were doing, comparing notes?

I almost bought a bed frame at Ikea. The one I'd been eyeing for a year now went on sale. Or so I thought. The difference in price was returned to you in gift cards that had to be spent IN Ikea. So in retrospect, it's not a sale at all. I passed. I don't shop at that store often enough to buy the bed frame on sale and spend the savings on stuff I do not need or want.

I think I'm going to hit up an antique alley in New Westminster and try my luck there. I have something specific in mind, and while I don't mind spending good money on an item, I want it to last for awhile. However this item isn't a huge priority on my list. The trip back east next year and a newer car are first. Unless of course the price is very right.

It's only been a week, however I have a roommate update for ya.
He's ghostly quiet. It's crazy. He picks up after himself, he doesn't leave a lake of water on the floor in the bathroom after shaving or brushing his teeth. He doesn't intrude my space, and stands outside my open bedroom door and asks if he can come in before walking in even though the door is open. Respect!

We're splitting the cost of making some soups and casseroles next week. (his suggestion) I'm going to learn to use a slow cooker and make soups for the first time ever....don't judge me.

So far so good. I think he might survive the next 3 months. :-)

My Jaw Hurts...

2011-08-30T16:25:00.001-07:00

I'm exhausted.

The holidays have had a late start. House guest didn't arrive til Monday night... oh well, it is what it is. Happy to have her here!

At work today, and customs has decided to enforce a new rule we knew nothing about. = busy and fast day at work. :)

I'm tired of talking. yes I said it. Tired of talking. The past few days have been non stop talking. I feel like we all have so much to say so we're all in a race to get it out, at the same time, must.pace.ourselves. Tonight the company is at a concert, so I get to have a quiet night in with the roommate before the craziness starts tomorrow. :)

A days rest before I have to talk again. My jaw is actually a little tired....
.....from talking!!! perverts. Hardy har har assfaces, go ahead, insert your dirty jokes here______________________________________________________________

Looking forward to being away from life in general for a few days in the middle of the week. Seems more like a little holiday when your days off are in the middle of the week.... wait, isn't that the whole definition of "holidays"?...sigh....Good thing I'm cute.

I Won A Playtex Bra - Courtesy of the Big Girl Blog.

2011-08-26T10:46:00.002-07:00

UPDATE.

Well scratch that. :-(

BGB just contacted me to advise due to rules and regulations, she can not send the Playtex bras she has to give away, to Canada.

Bummer.
Thanks for thinking of me anyways. I will still be heading to the department store to try on these bras in the mean time, and of course still give you an my thoughts on them.

Happy Weekend Stalkers.

p.s. I'm on holidays next week. I know. You're jealous.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wrote this entry about my bra driving me completely nuts before I had mosied on over to Big Girl Blog only to learn she had posted an entry about Playtex Bras and how amazing they keep her DDD's in place!

SOLD!

She almost mentioned she had 15 bra's to giveaway, courtesy of Playtex.
I didn't enter the contest. I didn't do anything she asked of her readers. I did however leave a comment, that I was thrilled with the recommendation and would head to the department store this week to check them out!.

I received an email from CeCe at The Big Girl Blog her this morning advising I had won a bra! WOOT WOOT!

Once I've received it, I'll be updating you on my thoughts, if it pokes, if it holds my 40/42DD puppies in place or not and more importantly, if I would recommend it to others.

I remember growing up thinking Playtex bras were for the elderly. Sounds like they might actually be the "go to" bra now for those of us who have to wear armour to support the girls.

Stay tuned!

Warning...Weak Moment

2011-08-24T19:00:00.000-07:00

I really want to call you right now.
But I won't.
I hate that I want too.
But I do.

I need to fit into the nook for an hour. I need to feel that secure and safe feeling that only that snug cuddle, lightly playing with my hair can provide.

I miss you today. And I really hate that.

WARNING - TMI

2011-08-24T14:11:00.000-07:00

My bra is digging into me and making me itchy in all the wrong places!!!! Grrr.
Won't stay in place and keep the girls on lock down!

I probably look like I'm feeling myself up at my desk and not readjusting the puppies to any passersby.

Any idea how uncomfortable this can be? It's making me edgy and a tad bitchy. :(
just sayin

CHAWELS ON DRAGON'S DEN!

2011-08-23T15:31:00.000-07:00

http://www.chawel.com/news.htm

My friend Dan created these. They're called Chawels
Check out the site.

There are mobile change towels. I have a few. The few I've bought for others are greatly loved too.

His pitch for Dragon's Den will be airing September 14th 8pm PST on CBC.
(8:30 PM in NFLD) on CBC Television.

Watch it! See how he does!

Good luck Dan and Chawel Family!

3 more days.... 3 more days....

2011-08-23T09:27:00.000-07:00

3 more days til I'm on holidays for a week!
I get to sleep in, be on my own schedule, visit with friends in town to visit me. Although I do have to come in one day, but that's okay. I got the time off when my boss is away, which isn't really allowed. So we compromised. :-)

3 more days. Then I can breathe. And return next week not wound as tight as I am right now.

Come to think of it, Valium would be really nice right now.
Just sayin...

Wound Pretty Damn Tight

2011-08-22T20:23:00.000-07:00

I swear to gawd a memo went out in my office instructing people to piss me off with pure stupidity lately.

The showroom behind me has a couple locked rooms. The fire panel room, a computer room and some other room. All locked. All have alarms. The fire panel alarm goes off from time to time. It's one constant high pitched buzzing, all.day.long. The code I have for this panel doesn't work. Never has. And every time I try, I swear I just make it worse. Yet, no one has ever issued me a new code, cos according to them, mine works. It does not.

We have two IT guys and one of them I swear to gawd does this shit to piss me off.
I've emailed them to turn it off as the code I have doesn't work blah blah blah.

Simple right?

Instead of just fulfilling my request. I'm met with a handful of questions. Did you try it? Do you have access to that room? What code do you have?

*shoots myself in the head*.

My reply was bitchy.
"Doesn't matter what my code is, it clearly doesn't work otherwise I wouldn't be asking you and G to turn it off. We go through this every time. Just turn it off. Thank you.

Never mind Shrek.

Hey G.
On your way out, could you turn it off? Thanks".

I shouldn't be met with a list of questions.
Common sense would be, if I have access and my code doesn't work, pissing me off with stupid questions isn't the way to go. He does this with everything. I need toner for my printer. He replies with, "did you shake it first?" Really? JUST CHANGE IT! I'm not new I know when I've exhausted the last bit of toner/ink out of my printer thanks.

Same with my phone. I'll email him. Phone crapped out, no dial tone, no lines light up etc. blah blah. blah. He'll reply by email, "I just tried to intercom you, can you pick up your phone?"

I kid you not.

I swear he probably thinks he's funny, but when you're in the middle of pushing out 30 boxes for a courier, you don't need some schmuck questioning if I'm truly in need of new toner or not.

Why do people need to take the easiest task and make it frustrating?

I hate this person today. Which sucks, cos he's an okay guy, but man does he love to piss me off. If I'm wound this tight tomorrow or approched with more stupid questions, I might actually cry at work.

End of rant.

And people wonder why I have trust issues with men.....Male Readers: Your input is required.

2011-08-22T15:57:00.000-07:00

Men are either stupid or simply do not care about the actions they take, or think about the consequences of their stupidity. Male readers: Please give your input.
Facebook is a wonderful thing to catch people doing stupid things, on a daily basis.

The following men have either asked me out repeatedly, or attempted to have inappropriate conversation with me.

G:
Has been asking me out religiously every week for the last year or so, up til 4 months ago. He fell off the face of the earth. Phew, he finally got the directness of declining his invites to dinner or dinner in and a "movie". I grew up beside him. He's like a little brother that I never see. Ew. Facebook update today. HE'S MARRIED as of this past weekend.

P:
Lives out of town. We occasionally have casual silly conversations that revolve around sex. No harm in it, so I thought. He lives out of town. That is until his facebook status suddenly reads ENGAGED!

Douche Bag:
We haven't chatted in a bit. Mostly cos I avoid his calls now. But shortly after we broke up. (see 3 whole days) he was back together with HRH. And engaged, again. I suspect they were back together a little before we actually broke up, what I thought was an exclusive relationship for the second time. Joke was on me again, I should have known better from the first time around. Then he pouts when I move on when he can't weasel his bullshit games on me anymore. "But, but, I miss you". Tell someone who cares.
Sadly, I miss him too at times. But not enough to be blinded by his bullshit. He's HRH very expensive divorce to come.

J:
Would like to think he has an open relationship. I do not agree and refuse to have any part of him. He says, he's allowed to wander, but she's not. Hmmmm. He tries regularly to get me to cave. I laugh endlessly. Just cos you've convinced your g/f that what you do is okay, I'M NOT OKAY WITH WHAT YOU DO! Although according to him, my opinion means nothing cos it doesn't match his. Oh darn.

MALE READERS! Answer the following please.

*Please explain to me why it is men do this?

*Are they trying to get away with what they can, cos they can?

*Are they afraid they'll miss out on something?

*Are they not getting something from the spouse they share their bed with full time that they get with me?

*Do men not understand or care that what they are doing with me, is cheating? No ring on the finger etc.. blah blah blah.. how about if the tables were turned? No, not allowed? Why not?

*Why do men continue to think I'm stupid of enough or have a lack of self esteem so low I'd be okay with these arrangements?

What am I doing that is attracting this behaviour? Chances are I'm not doing a damn thing. It's them. And my only fault is believing people are honest until they prove me wrong. And you know, they always do. I can read bullshit a mile away and before it happens, but this? It's camouflaged I tell ya. Invisible to my Jedi bullshit skills.

And then men wonder why women are crazy in the head and have trust issues.
Just Sayin...

Cranky Pants.. I think???

2011-08-22T09:42:00.000-07:00

I'm cranky this morning.
Not even sure why, coos I was in a perfect mood when I got up. Oh, that's right. I came to work. I'm not thrilled about being here lately. It's Murphy's Law, when my manager goes away on holidays, all shit falls apart.

Instead of freaking out and doing something about the shit that is falling apart. I'm not going to do a damn thing. I'm going to let it all sit. So when she gets back, she can see just exactly what it is that takes place. People get lazy. Inept lazy, and rude...

I simply do not have the brain power or energy to deal with anyone today.
I do.not.care. about anything today.

I think I need to sleep in. I haven't slept in on a day off all month. Oh wait, I'm on holidays next week. :) Roommate will be back and extremely tired from doing the West Coast Trail for 7 days on Sunday, the same day my first friend from out of town arrives. And I still have a few hours of shit to do around the apartment. Minor stuff like finding a new home for some bookshelf stuff. But the bookshelf is full (without looking sloppy).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Got together with my Married w/Children - Marcy Darcy sister yesterday.
It surprisingly went very well. History on this sister. If you're sick, she's dying. If you won a million dollars, she'd find something to one up you, on everything. She also has a way of turning the conversation back on to her. And not so subtly at times. So you could imagine how excited I was to spend any amount of time with her. *cough*.

The last few phone calls have been somewhat short, however there were no snide comments about my life being off track, or I wouldn't understand A, B, or C cos I do not own a home or have a husband. (not kidding you with this shit). Needless to say, I've been slightly suspicious of her and any intentions since it's all running a little too smoothly. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, if you will.

We agreed to have lunch on the waterfront yesterday. I had made a bet with myself how long it would take before I threw her into the Fraser River. That moment never came! Not once!

There was no bitching how put out she was that she had to drive in from Surrey (15 mins over the bridge, she always makes it sound like she's driving to another province, every time.) or how I should have taken the bus two hours too her cos her time is more important than mine, or any me, me, me, me, oh well back to me, me, me etc...

I was in awe of how smoothly conversation and the visit went. I'm fully convinced she's medicated. It was like talking to a completely different person!!

I'm Allergic to Stupidity + Good Deed.

2011-08-19T10:18:00.000-07:00

Had a great afternoon with the new roommate. We're going to get along just fine!
He laughed pretty hard at his gifts of towels and tube socks, with the card reading, "You can ruin these ones! Enjoy!" Had a long lunch together, and although I haven't met the g/f, she already has an issue with me. Great.

I blame that on her age though. She's 22, he's 37. That's okay, once she meets me, she'll love me and laugh at herself as to why she was ever worried in the first place. :)

On my way to work this morning, I decided to stop and get a coffee. A younger guy a few people in front of me looked distraught at his bank card, and had told the cafe owner he would try his card at the ATM outside the door etc. Having seen the panic on his face, I knew he wasn't going to have a good day. When I got up to the counter, I got my coffee and bought his. Walked outside to give it to him. Made his day. I read his face right, he was having issues with his card. :( I've been there. Wished him a good weekend as we got on the train, feeling okay with myself that I was able to put a smile smile on someones face with a simple purchase of a special coffee on a day where he probably really needed it. :)

Enter work.
I work with nice people but really stupid with shitty attitudes sometimes. I would like to blame their flakiness on their ages, 22-27 but it's really not an excuse cos I know many people in that age range who have families, and their shit together.

As I settle at my desk, its a mess. Total mess. And worse, I notice the weigh bills for our afternoon courier are still on my desk! This is serious and sets me off a little, cos why would you give the driver only half the weigh bills and not the rest, when they were all in the same friggin pile? Those that were left behind, were held at customs. I did what I had to do to get them released, but I shouldn't have had too. They know the routine. They know how to do this part of my job. I sent them a somewhat snarky email.

Morning,
Thank you ladies for covering reception yesterday while I was away.

Moving forward, it would be very friendly if every one returned my desk back to its original state when finishing their day.

Please ensure when doing (enter courier name here) that the driver gets ALL the weigh bills. A few parcels have been held as a result of the driver not having his copies to scan. They were left on the desk. I’ve emailed the copies to the customs export agent directly this morning. I’m sure it was a slight oversight, although next time, I’ll ask you to do this to have them released.

Thanks again for covering my desk yesterday.

Ears on their floor have advised me that this email wasn't well received. And although she couldn't be sure, she thought she might have heard the following phrases being said... "A simple thank you would have been fine". "I'm not the janitor".

That is a-okay. I really do not care that they are upset. Cos had the tables been reversed, shit would have been flying from their end.

I will follow through with what I said in the email. Next time, I will either call them downstairs to clean my desk area, or to be more of a bitch, I'll take all the mess upstairs and leave it on their desks with a note, "I'm not the janitor". Okay, in reality, I wouldn't leave the note. Though I will leave the mess on their desks.

The portion of my job they have to cover is idiot proof. So the fact they can so nonchalantly mess it up, completely annoys me.

The weekend holds follow up doctor appointments as this Accutane is kicking my butt now. Some live music, non alcoholic beer, sun, and napping!!!!

What does your weekend entail?

Dinner & Coffee

2011-08-18T10:58:00.000-07:00

Had dinner last night with RJM (old curator at my museum). Good times.
I asked him to bring his g/f, which I learned shortly after we started chatting about how they met etc, that they got married 3 weeks ago!!!

Conversation was good. Perfect amount of time to be at dinner. No lulls in conversation and his wife is awesome too!

LC and I had been emailing each other last week in regards to updates about her being in the house and how things are going. She mentions she'll be in town next week (current time today) and if coffee is doable. She said she'd call me.

It's now Thursday and I haven't heard squat. The work wife asked if I was okay NOT seeing her. I am. I however, am not cool with being blown off or stood up. Even with the crap we've been thru in the last year or so, you'd think some simple common courtesy would still be lodged in her mind to send an email or text to say she can't fit me in. No contact is just rude. Why bring it up then? Was it just to see if I was interested, and she had no intentions of meeting up? Is she up to regular games she's been doing for the last 23 years. Like I've said in many previous posts, I've never once been at the receiving end of her spazzy mood swings or games. I guess I am now.

Or... I'm actually a little hurt that she didn't follow through? Nah that can't be it.. :-) Even after I sucked it up and put our shit back burner too supported her through the domestic abuse she's recently endured. Maybe old habits die harder than originally thought.

Off to get home and have the new roommate move some of his stuff in today and hang out for a bit.

Minor Venting & 20 yr High School Reunion.

2011-08-16T14:44:00.001-07:00

Today, if I didn't breath properly, someone was bitching at me today.
Today was the day for all errors in the past, lack of stock, and all around shitty attitudes to find me today. Not to mention, being bitched at for other people's accidents. I just happen to be the first person many see when they want to yell at someone.

Know it's a rough day when several people comment, "You're having a pop before noon and a second one?"

I graduated Class of 90' from one high school, and repeated my Gr 12th year at a different high school. That 20yr reunion is this October. And holy man did the people I went to high school with stay there!!!!

I wouldn't be surprised if the reunion gets cancelled due to a few assholes who deem the city we went to school in a dump and "beneath him" to attend if its held in a shitty restaurant, (one that will accommodate a large group for a small deposit in the city we grew up in, went to high school in) and what HE thinks all of should be able to afford,cos him and his wife didn't "shit out a bunch of money sucking babies". In the restaurants defence, it was a dump back in the day, but its been renovated to a stylish martini bar type restaurant.

Very long story short, and the facebook wall rants go on and on and on.... and on.....
shouldn't the reunion be about mingling with old high school mates, and not where it's held? You should see the shit being spewed on the reunion wall. It's crazy.

I posted my two bits, if it keeps up rent out the gym of the high school! I'm sure we could get it for free.

Sadly, due to a few assholes who are ruining it for everyone else, and not to mention my ex who is attending... the "not attending" list, is growing more and more every day, and the "attending, maybe attending" lists are going down.

Thanks assholes. If this venue isn't to your liking, maybe you just shouldn't come.

Delayed posts

2011-08-15T16:40:00.002-07:00

Updates are coming!
I've been crazy busy, but there will be at least 2-3 posts for you to read come September. :)

Stay classy my favourite stalkers. xo

My Very Worst Roommate - Posted.

2011-08-10T10:54:00.000-07:00

I submitted this entry only a month ago, and it's been posted!

Have a read.

Correction: This happened 7, not 6 years ago.

Done Painting. Forever Random Updates.

2011-08-08T08:33:00.001-07:00

I'm done! Woot!

I cancelled my plans to see the Adam Woodall Band play Saturday night at the Harmony Arts Festival in West Van, just so I could get the small turn into a larger project done! Turns out I missed a really great show. :(

I was mad at the way my apartment looked, and the rate I was going as a professional procrastinator, it was going to take all month to get it done. Especially with how thirsty my 2 bedroom doors, 1 bathroom doors, and 4 closet doors were. I used a gallon just on the doors and trim.

3 coats in and I"m not happy with the way things are looking. Back to Rona to get some more paint and to find someone to help me who doesn't obviously hate their job.

I buy a small can of semi gloss white paint from another line after being assisted by a very resourceful girl. Bought some new brushes and rollers too. Wow. What a difference.

I did 2 two more coats on everything with the new roller, and was completely done the project by mid afternoon Sunday. Doors back on hinges, hardware all back in place, and some walls washed, paint garbage all thrown out and put away, apartment was vacuumed and floors washed. By 4pm, I was really for my shower. Which funny enough it turned out I was too tired to stand, so I ended up sitting it in.

I must say, the white doors and trim against the yucky beige walls (white originally thought to be off white), doesn't look all that bad.

I do have some touch ups to do in regards to getting some very minor paint on the carpet and parts of a wall I hadn't intended to paint or was too lazy to tape before I ran a brush over the area.

Otherwise I'd say this was a success.

Now for the bitchy part.
Since the property management refuses to paint my apt in the last 9 yrs and they love to send me bills for repairs which are clearly their responsibility by law... I'm sending them a bill for the painting. 1.5 gallons of paint. $45.00. Tools $35.00, labour - 26 hours. That's right. When you count the hours here and there of taking doors off, tapping, cleaning, painting etc, this is what it comes down too.

Of course I do not expect to see a dime, but I'm sending them a message that I too can bill them for petty things they should have done in the first place without hassle.

If they can try and bill me for the repair guy to install auto-bleeders on my heaters after going without heat for 10 days in -17 weather, then ya, I'm sending them a bill to be a bitch. two way street my friends. They can continue to try and force me out of my 900 sq ft corner unit with views of the river and all the mountains, by making it difficult to be lawful landlords, all they want. Until I'm ready to move, we're going to continue to have this small ongoing war on our hands. It's been 9 years, not sure why they think I'll give up. Again, once you've had a shitty landlord in the past, you become a pro at what your rights are, and what the landlords responsibilities are.

Aside from the property management, my apt is a score! The same size apt, with the same view, anywhere else in the lower mainland would cost me the better half of $1500. and up. I don't pay near that right now.

I'm not a trouble making tenant, I just refuse to be bullied out of my apt so they can gouge the rent up.

For the amount of stuff I've been doing lately, I'm surprised at how much energy I still had. It might have had something to do with the extra strong coffee's I had before hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got up this morning after some interesting dreams and realized just how much I still have left to do before the roommate moves in. On top of that, how much socializing I have booked. I'm busy 4-5 days of the week (including weekends) and the end of the month, I have a friend from out of town visiting, roommate moving in, and then an Island friend coming for the long weekend. Wow.

I have 2.5 weeks to get everything 100% done. Cos once the friend arrives, I won't have time to do anything else. There are going to be some very long days in my future.

I bought the new roommate a box of .35 decibel ear plugs, a 6 pack of beer, a bag of tube socks and some cheap white towels. Why, you ask? Cos he's asked me if I would be upset if he used my towels when he wanks. hahahah I'm not kidding! He's concerned I'll be mad if he stains my towels. Um ya, I will.

Since he has a sense of humour and I'm a dork, I got him the above items so when he moves in, he'll laugh and we'll start off on a good note.

The earplugs and beer, well that's just something I do for any roommate. I pick them up something small I know they need/want etc. He sleeps with earplugs as do I in the summer with all the doors and windows open, it can get insanely loud. Just the way the noise travels up two blocks from the main road. We're like a vacuum for noise enhancement. Beer. Well who doesn't like beer? The cheap towels and tube socks, tongue in cheek humour. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I checked up on LC and her situation after moving back into the house a few weeks ago, since I haven't heard from her. Normally I can feel when she's not well, stressed, just off etc. Since she's moved back into the house with the monster that beat on her, I feel nothing. Not even a heavy pit in my stomach. I don't like that. I'm giving it a week or two to hear back from her, then I will touch base with those who can see her facebook and see when her last update was. If that doesn't provide the results I'm looking for, I'll take other measures to find out if she's indeed still alive. Calling her family directly.

Maybe things are going smoothly in the house and that's why I'm not feeling anything?

UPDATE:
I got a reply from LC about 30 mins ago. She's okay. She'll also be in town next week. So I put it out there, asking if she would have time for a visit with ME!?

The work wife seems to think she'll make the time, otherwise she wouldn't have told me she'd be in town etc. This could very well be true.

If she says no, I'm cutting all ties as far as rebuilding our friendship goes.

PAINT IN MY HAIR!

2011-08-05T09:16:00.001-07:00

I have paint in my hair.
That is all.

Actually, Ms. Elizabeth Singleton got me on the phone and advised it would come out. YAY! phew.

Oh and btw, she thought I was joking when I said I was painting in my panties. Nope, not joking. My apt is a little warm right now and as "easy" as painting is, you get warm. So painting in my panties it is. No reason to ruin any clothes. ;-)

Off to buy a good brush and paint roller after work. The ones that came in the starter kit, well, even as a novice painter that I am, I can even tell the results will not be as spectacular as I'd like. Yes I rent, but I do not need it looking like a 2yr old painted my stuff. lol

It's 9am, I've been at work since 730am. Is this day over yet?
(noon on Fridays, all year round). And my large vanilla latte/extra shot, is not working.

More painting will ensue today and Sunday, as I hadn't touched what I started since last Saturday. oops. Off to see my favourite local band with friends. Feels like forever since I've seen my N.Van friends and the boys. Chatting with them on facebook isn't quite the same. Must.get.a.car...

What are you up to this weekend?

New Museum. New Position

2011-08-01T21:01:00.000-07:00

I applied for a new position at a different museum last week. Much to my pleasant surprise, I got the interview. The position; Digitilazation Assistant, Curatorial Dept.
The museum; The Vancouver Police Museum.

Unlike the Vancouver Museum, it's not civilly funded. Therefor, they're able to display much more of the quirky side of the cities history. From opium dens in Chinatown, to the building itself the museum is in. It operated as the original morgue til 1980. There is a room left the way it was when the morgue was in full service. Cool and crazy at the same time. Displays of historic murders, with the actual murder weapons, and edviance pictures on display. Very cool, in a voyerism way.

The interview went really well. I was prepared as I could be. They had asked repeatedly if I was comfortable working alone. Advising I was, at the very last moment, my gut said to asked if I could see the work space I'd be occupying etc.

Boy, am I glad I did.

I have no problem at all, working alone. However as they took me 3 stories down very narrow stairs with paint from whenever the building was built, peeling off the walls, (horror movie set come to life) we arrive in the basement. Surprisingly well ventilated, and enough light. Though, I started to wonder just how alone I would be working.

I would be isolated. Working 100% alone. There would be no other persons visiting my area, and the fact it was so far away, if anything were to happen, no one would know until they learned the alarm wasn't reset before the nights end. The building being an old morgue, doesn't bother me. Really, it doesn't. Nor does it bother me that the museum is in the downtown east side. It is solely the isolated working conditions for a minimum 4 hours a week, unpaid.

The curator, archivist and the summer intern who's position I would be filling, interviewed me. All great gals, stylish, and not at all stuffy. Even after working at the NWMA for a year, I still expect people who work in museums to be stuffy, old, and hate their jobs. Twice now I've been proven wrong. Love it.

I have a week to think over the arrangements of the position before I have to give them my answer as to whether or not I'll accept the position. I'm trying to convince myself I could do this, alas, I do not believe I can.

I'll email the curator this week and regretfully inform her I won't be able to take this position at this time etc. It's unfortunate its not an area or a work load that can be moved to another floor. The second floor of the building is completely unused due to fire codes etc. If this was set up there, I would take it. At least you can hear people above you then.

I'm a bit sad about it all, as the unique inventory is so vast and exciting. And I won't get to be part of it.

I guess I'll return to the NWMA in November as planned.