Random Updates October 2025

 I no longer work directly with the Screaming Banshee! Back in June we had a meeting and completed a manager's shuffle. The company does this from time to time to prevent the SM's from getting complacent with any one administrator. 

This case, was specific for me. I bought the newly assigned Senior admin for the SB something shiny. All the card said was, "I'm sorry. Thank you. Good luck!" 

So far so good.  The SB cane out of her office about a month in, screaming for the new admin (who by the way has been with the company 24 years), and wanting to know why she changed something.  They finally connect and SB is waving her arms huffing and puffing yelling "why did you change this, you didn't ask!?"  Senior Admin leans back in her chair, give the SB a look that could freeze hell, and replied, "cos it was incorrect".  That was it. 

The SB knew not to fight with her. FYI, always be afraid of the quiet one. Always! 

My positions however, has changed slightly. I'm down to one SM, and have been given many more side projects. I feel like it is a demotion, but I am told this is temporary and they have more things in the works for me. 

Still feels like b.s. 

To date, in the last 8 weeks, I have written 31 SOP manuals. Now that those are completed, I am fine tuning my ability of "looking busy" to an art.  I have started applying to new jobs.  Not that I am unhappy, but I hate not having a consistent work load. on average, I receive roughly 10 emails a week. I'm use to receiving over 60-100 emails daily.  

First week of November 2025, I will be getting back another SM. This will increase my load.  But still b.s. that the newbies have a heavier workload than I do. 

I often think if they're just gonna eliminate me. So I look..

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My health. My health isn't out of wack too much. Menopausal stuff. End of November I'll be having a uterine polyp 16mm x 12mm from my uterus.  This is just slightly over the allowance of no worries.  So removal it is. 

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Sinuses. 

Two CT scan's by two different ENT's. 

1) says no sinus disease, nothing I can do for you 

2) the one who actually put a camera in my nose, has other plans. He wants to fix my deviated septum. But if we're going in, we're going in once.  I speak to him about my ct scan on Halloween.  :) 

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I think we're caught up. I've started taking hip-hop classes. Just a different way to move my body.  Super fun but the smell of synthetic costumes and makeup makes the place smell like dirty strippers. Did I mention there is a pole class right before us. They leave, we enter. No wiping of the floor or poles. Gross. We don't use the poles, but come on! someone just had their sweating hooha on it for an hour and you can't take the 10 mins to sanitize? Ew. Will fine another company/ 

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We've (my shrink and I have postponed the beginning of my EMDR therapy. Mostly due to the fact I've been hemorrhaging money.  We'll chat in the meantime and start in the Spring. 

Been coming to grips with some topics I thought were made up. Turns out I do have some PSTD from a S/A incident and a couple other things. I've spoken to some friends who remember the timeline, and have confirmed I did confide in them at the time. Seems I have completely blocked it out. A babysitter, a coworker, and a random highschool person are responsible for 3 incidences. 

Babysitter:
I remember so specifically going to my babysitters 40th bday some years ago. (she is only a few years older).  When we found her to give her her card, she made amends for things she had done to me, while in her care. I just laughed and shrugged it off. My friend gave me a look of WTF!?  My friend asked me about it later, and I said I don't remember there ever being anything inappropriate. Sure, she let me try her cigarette, but I always remember the babysitter as fun. I mean, she lived 2- houses down from us, was always around. 

Some years later, I had a nightmare. Some flashes of S/A that took place in the babysitters' care. I again, shrugged it off as a nightmare.  A few weeks later, babysitter had messaged me on FB just to catch up. I asked her if I could run this nightmare by her etc.  She became quiet, then said, "I'd hope you'd never remember that. You were so young." (under the age of 8), and I was so lost. In short, she confirmed my nightmare was indeed fact.  Gawd. 

I must say, I never felt unsafe in her care. Maybe I was too young to know this wasn't okay. This wasn't just two minors goofing around. 

Coworker:
I was working in a pizza joint and a delivery guy would always shimmy  past me toooooo close, and let his hand graze my bottom. I looked at it as flirting, the 80s were messed up. But at the same time, I was not attached to him, so it did make me feel uncomfortable. I did mention it to the kitchen staff after a few times. He was fired. I was 15 yrs old. He could have been 19, he could have been 30. I have no idea.

 

Highschool classmate: 
This one I remember more clearly than the babysitter.  I was drunk. Not sloppy drunk but drunk enough. I was walking home from the skating rink, parents out for the weekend, and walked passed a park on my street. Heard my name and out came JK from the dark. Handsome, popular, and we ran in circles that overlapped. We knew of each other etc. He was polite and asked if he could walk the home. .5 km remaining. Of course I said yes! I had a crush on him. 

I remember the following in flashes. Thanking him for walking me home. Asked if he'd want to hang out sometime. Flash to being put to bed, and being thankful someone was there to ensure I wasn't going to get sick.  Flash to be kissed. Flash to a body on top of me. Flash to hearing the downstairs kitchen door being closed (someone leaving), and realizing I was naked.  I don't recall being hurt, no struggle etc. Just that something had happened I wasn't present for it.  His school idea fell out onto my floor. I still have it to this day. 1) to remind me he was responsible for something 2) that I wouldn't ever allow him to befriend me. 

It's now been decades. I have looked him up to see what life has become of him. He is in a patched motorcycle gang and working up the latter. Life does not look like it has been good to him. I'd like to think of it as karma, and then fantasize about contacting the contacts I have in this gang and letting them know. FYI, everyone in Canada knows someone in, or connected to this gang.  What would I say? ABC happened 35+ years ago?They'd probably give him a new patch.  Anyway, I know there are people out there from that night, who were in the park with him. (this park is more like a toddler playground - super small). I'd made a mental note of those people from that night, and told myself to stay clear of them and all acquainted with them. I have, and have never crossed paths with any of them. 

This bring me to a very clear realization recently. I am have always been and consider myself, strong, outspoken, defiant, walls up, don't need a man etc., challenging authority, loud, defensive, aggressive and protective. I always thought these qualities came from being raised by many strong women in my family, and a father who insisted I never pull the helpless female card. 

But how many of those qualities came from self protection?  This is just some of the things we'll discuss in EDMR therapy. 

Do I need to change? No. Should I change? I could stand to allow myself to be softer, let men in. I am still to this day defensive, loud, and aggressive when required. I've learned to pick my external battles carefully. Now, to learn how to deal with the internal battles I wasn't even aware I was having. 

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I'll leave you here with that verbal vomit. More updates to come. 

Menopausal Health

 Oh menopause, you finicky little bitch.  For those that do not know, or have not had the pleasures of experiencing it - yet. Things to know. 

No two women go through menopause the same way. I have been extremely fortunate that my symptoms on their own are okay. When they cluster together, holy mother of gawd. 

Menopause rage is real. In the moment you think your behaviour is totally a reasonable way to react/behave.  When it passes, you wonder how you have friends, a job and are not in jail. 

I swear the military has it all wrong. Do not recruit young men. Recruit peri/menopausal women. We're angry all the time, waiting for someone to give a gawd damn reason, we can stay awake for weeks - cos we're not sleeping anyways, and we can carpool. We're ready to go! And the poor suckers at the receiving end of women at this stage, will tell the horror stories (should they survive us) to the young for generations to come. 

Menopause fog is real.  I think every woman in peri or post-menopause will be sitting with their doctor having serious concerns about their cognitive memory. It does get better. 

Menopause weight gain is real. Gaining weight in your midsection is never fun. Being female we are subjected to heart disease and cancers as a result of this puberty in reverse. 

The 5 F's: Female, fertile, fat, fair and over forty. This is a special formula just for women as we lose estrogen, our eggs, etc. this is just a formula to take us down. 

Hot flashes, insomnia, loss/increase appetite, and our inability to filter and tolerate bullshit is all broken. I've had three hot flashes. 1 lasted 3 days. No you can not wave it off. It is like you are coming down with the flu. You know, that internal heat like you're gonna have a fever. It's like that, but it never really goes away. And you wonder why we are punchy. 

Vaginal Atrophy - Dry Vagina is fucking real! Vaginal estrogen is a godsend. 

Due to my family history with cancer and heart disease, I am not eligible to take hormone replacement. I have been fortunate. I do take vaginal estrogen which definitely helps in the bedroom. 

Bacterial Vaginosis and UTI frequency is real. This has nothing to do with anything you are doing. This is simply your body's PH balance changing. The Change.   Many women experience frequent UTI's and BV. I had 11 UTI's in one year.  Enter rage. 

Mammograms are a regular routine. For some it is early, for others every other year etc. Make the appointment, take care of your breast health. No one want the cancer. Regular checkups can detect early signs/symptoms. Get it taken care of. 

Periods of any kind after not having a period for 12 months is NOT NORMAL. Even if you are spotting. You must have it checked out.  

I have been having period pains for 3 months now. No bleeding. I have been post meno for 4 years. Went to the doctor, had an ultrasound and transvaginal ultrasound. I have a polyp that is 16mm x 10mm. This size it is recommended that it be removed. Anything over 16mm have a higher chance of being malignant. I have uterine fibroids. That is muscle in the uterine wall and may be (for some) on the outside of the uterus. 

My polyp was not there when I had my last ultrasound. After discussion with family and our history, I am requesting to have it removed. Why take the chance?

You MUST advocate for your health. It is your body. If a doctor ever says, "oh, it's normal for a woman your age to go through this",  throat punch that fucker immediately, and get a new doctor or request to only manage your menopause symptoms with a gynecologist. 

Change your lifestyle, your eating habits, exercise more. Build the muscle, stay strong! We do not have to repeat the path our grandmothers, mothers, aunts, cousins, sisters went through. 

Screaming Banshee & Anger Management Course

For the last two weeks I have been attending an anger management course. This particular course is not for me, as I have many years of therapy under my belt. This instructor only has 3-years experience.  Am I learning new tools? No. Am I being reminded of the tools I already have? Yes. 

Screaming Banshee. I have had enough. She insulted my abilities again. I have filed a formal complaint explaining I can not longer be paired with her to work together. She is unprofessional at every level, and in all honesty, is a liability to the company. She creates a toxic, unsafe and unhealthy, and very loud environment. Not just towards myself, but everyone person in the office. 

In my letter I was factual, too the point, and advised that if any of the many solutions/suggestions I have offered were not feasible, then I would have to do what is in my best interest for my mental health. There was no ultimatum. Just facts. I explained in the letter I was aware these things take time (it's been two years in the making), and they have to do their due diligence.  

This is not my first letter to management about the Banshee. I however, have reached my limit. 

I have drafted my resignation letter with great detail of the all the reasons I would be leaving. It is not the company, or the management, it is solely the Banshee.  Hopefully I will not have to submit the letter. 

Recap 2020 - 2025 & New Chapters to Follow 2025

It's been a minute! 

Hunker down, it is a long read.  Guess we should recap what I have been up to 2020 - current.

Short version: 
I have learned healthy boundaries, and how to set them, and follow through. Learned how to sit with my feelings (ongoing practice) and to be gentle with myself. How to show up for myself. I am unapologetically myself.  I love my friends hard, and yes, I make it weird every chance I get. 

Long version below: 

2020 

During covid I was working for, what I thought, was a great company. That is, until I broke my back July 2020. My return to work was less than pleasant. Mostly due to the HR knob (1 of 5) that actually insinuated that I deliberately hurt myself to inconvenience them! Could not roll my eyes any harder. During covid I was working from home March - June 2020 and fasted track the company goal of eliminating my own position. (yes, I knew this when they hired me). When it came time to renewing my contract, they decided not too, and determined I was not qualified for the new position. In the same breath, they asked me to create a training manual for my existing position. Soooooo, you want me to draft a manual for a position that no longer exists, and I am not qualified for the new position??? Pound sand. What are they going to do? Fire me? HA! I did write a manual and ensured there were errors throughout that would render the task(s) incapable of being completed. That's 72 pages of useless instructions. Petty.  😋

During this time, I closed my vehicle accident claim and bought myself a lovely truck. 

Started recording video chats with a friend that lives just off the mainland. Who knew 5 years later this was a saving grace for us both.  It started with a quick 2-3 minute recorded videos we'd sent each other. Then the topics became deeper. Now, the videos are 3-6 minutes long and several sent at a time, depending on the topic. Why not have a phone call? This works for us. We can record/send when we have the time, and watch the incoming videos on our own time. It works, and I think more people should try it. 

August - the long term roommate moved out. Got his long time girlfriend (he had been cheating on for many years), pregnant, bought a house and got married. It was the best thing for him. 

October - surprised my best friend with a trip to Tofino as a thank you for flying out and taking care of me for a week when I broke my back. 

December 2020 I started a new job, 3 days after my previous job was eliminated. It's exactly what I was looking for. Not customer front facing!!! 

2021  
I decided I wanted a breast reduction. Where I live the government will pay for it, however, the downside is they have a say in your BMI. Maximum 30 BMI. As most of you know, bmi is horseshit in most cases. Sooooo, I have some weight to lose. It's not a bad thing, who couldn't stand to shed a few pounds. 

At one point my practitioners and I decided that I should try to come off my anxiety medication.  Dumb move. We've tried twice, and have come to the conclusion that this is a life time medicine for me. I am A-OKAY with that. So many positive things have occured since I started the anxiety medication back in July 2017, you can read about  here, and 2017 here.

Went back to school and got a Level -1 certificate in Bylaw enforcement and animal control. Think getting a job with the city would be easier. It is not. The full-time, permanent positions rarely become available. I can not do auxiliary, or casual, part-time etc. When they do become available, they are usually given to retiring police and military personnel. 

2022
Until recently (2 years 2020-2022) everything was blissful at the new job until they hired a Screaming Banshee. Not only is she ill-equipped, unpredictably unprofessional to handle a job, she is a menace to the office, and a serious liability to the company. She shoots her mouth off, a lot. Without using a single neuron; and the one she does use, is seriously fractured. 

My oldest sister (68) passed away on her birthday, in her sleep. Middle sister (66) had a heat induced heart attack a week later, on HER birthday. 

A week after that, enter Screaming Banshee, (she has think nak of blaming of everyone else for her error, and then says; "I didn't know that was the process".), came out of her office, stormed up to me, arms flailing, and swearing at me. I froze. I truly believe that every-single-tool-ever-learned was utilized in that moment not to backhand her into the following week. 

I sat with it for a few weeks before going to management. It was taken very serious. It is an surreal experience to work for a company that is healthy, when you've had decades of toxic work environments. They brought in a Senior manager and someone else in, off their holidays to deal with it.  It was not taken lightly.  All this a week after my sister passed and another in the hospital for 2 weeks suffering a heart attack. 

I decided I could be the bigger person and continue to work with her, (she is assigned to me, along with 3 others) and I found it to be an excellent opportunity to utilize my conflict resolution skills I haven't had much chance to use.  That brings us into 2023.

2023

Things have been reasonably calm. My tribe of friends have been amazing. Lots of memories have been made. My moms best friend S. moved back into the city after 31 years of living in the North.  It has been absolutely a treat to have her living 10-minutes away.  

My tribe accepted her with open arms and a few have their own relationship with her, outside of me, which is fantastic. I've been a lot of things, being jealous is really not one of them.  I am truly blessed.  

2024

A few dozen recorded incidents with the Screaming Banshee. How is she still employed? Recording every outburst, rude email directly to myself, a vendor and others. Many meetings regarding this twit. 

Made numerous fun memories, short trips, annual girls weekends etc. 

March 2024 my middle sister moved in with me. She is unable to live alone, nor can she afford it.  I just spent a few years downsizing, and minimizing the crap in my apartment.  Sigh. Turns out she is a high functioning alcoholic, and a hoarder (just in her room).  

Not soon after she has settled in, she has an episode and I had to call emergency services.  I set some serious boundaries after this, advising if this kind of thing happened again, she would have to move out. I did not sign up for this.  Things have been okay since. Her room is disgusting. I have had to come to the conclusion that she is not a mentally stable person, capable of seeing dirt, messes, etc.  As long as she keeps the mess to her room, I can manage the rest of the house. 

I advised her before she moved in, that when the times comes where she can no longer work, or take care of herself, we will start applying for subsidized retirement homes. I will not be her caretaker, physically or financially. Callus? No. She turns 68 this year and wants to retire in the next two.  This time next year, we start shopping around for her new living arrangements. 

2025
Screaming Banshee has done it. We are only in May, and she had finally been so unprofessional towards internal office staff, vendors etc., that I requested for a shuffle and could not see myself working with her further without verbal/physical consequences. I presented a few anger management course for myself. The tools/skills I have to manage this kind of behaviour no longer works, and am open to some professional development. I complete the an anger management course next weekend. Did I learn anything new? No. I was reminded of existing skills/tools I have in my box that I have not been utilizing. I have open that mental toolbox and am poking around at the tools. 

However, the S.Banshee needs to be held accountable. I will not walk on eggshells to appease her fragile ego and unprofessionalism. She has created an unsafe, toxic environment. Not just for myself, but the teams around me. Everyone has been interviewed, lawyers have been consulted, and she finally has been presented with a disciplinary package, outlining the consequences should management continue to receive complaints from anyone. Apparently it takes a lot to get fired. Any retaliation behaviour, on any front, will no longer be tolerated. A lot of things the Screaming Banshee does will no longer be tolerated.  😀

May 2025 - I've has some internal womens health concerns being 4 years post menopause.  Love my doctor. Does not dismiss anything I bring to the table. Turns out I was correct, there was something going on.  Blood work followed, only to learn I am prediabetic, and have very high cholesterol. a heart healthy diet change, way of life has been activated. Exercise and eating cleaner have become the priority, effective immediately. 

Thankfully, I have a great group of friends I have shared this with and are supporting the change. Cos, really, what kind of friends would they be if the didn't??

January 2026 - I am starting a type of therapy called EDMR. It is a structured form of psychotherapy used to help process and reduce the distress associated with traumatic memories and other distressing experiences. During talk therapy, I mentioned some anger and frustration I was experiencing with some things preventing me from having healthy relationships with men, (trust issues - nothing sexual) and the human race in general. 

We came to the conclusion this was the right direction. I will be writing more about this experience leading up to, and during the process.

I have to make a list of things I'd like to resolve, and/or learn to deal with. Examples like: trusting a man's word at face value; (watching many men in life cheat on their spouses etc.);  the severe bullying I experienced from ages 9 -12, and how it still affects me now, (being aggressive and loud in certain situations); not being heard as child, and acting out, getting into trouble to be seen and heard.  I am a Gen X. We were brought up in a generation of kids are meant to be seen, not heard.  Yes, we were feral, and still are a bit.  I have no desire to make functioning relationships with my siblings. They're adults, if they wanted a relationship they could have reciprocated the effort I put in for many years as an adult. That ship has sailed, and I am okay with that outcome. 

If you're still with me, awesome! Future posts will not be as long.

Weight loss & Obesity Clinic = Breast reduction= Happy goals

 I asked for a breast reduction this year. I'm 5'2, 220 lbs and a 38G. I want to be a 36B. I don't want to be tucking my boobs into my pants in 10 years. I've been wanting a reduction for years. A FB friend mentioned she was having one, and set me up on a support page on FB. Best thing ever! My doctor agreed and took all my information and set up a consultation with a plastic surgeon. 

Between the surgeon and my doctor taking into consideration my age, and weight (I'm almost done menopause) that I would have struggles losing the weight on my own and referred me to a very reputable weight lose clinic that only specializes in weight loss. They have internal medicine, therapy, general medicine, surgeons etc. its one stop shop for all the tools to lose weight successfully. 

Although I know why I'm overweight, I do carry it proportionally, that doesn't mean I shouldn't lose it. Being middle age, female and in menopause, I'm at increased risk for heart disease and other factors as a result of having weight around my middle section. 

Got my email confirmation, now it takes off fast! blood work and questionnaires are done. In short, they teach you tools for a lifestyle change to obtain healthier habits that will serve you long term. My first appointment is in 3 weeks. 

I'll be creating posts of my weight loss journey as it develops. 

Stay healthy friends.