If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, or randomly read my family stuff, you'll know I don't get along with my sisters. One specifically. She says the dumbest things. Whether they racist, is one-upping you on any topic, or just random things to make herself look better, she says stupid things. With no regard to how it may be interpreted.
We use to do a sister lunch every month until I solely decided I wasn't participating anymore, cos it was too taxing to be down too, or the way she talked to our oldest sister, who has a development handicap. It's too much. Not to mention I'm still harbouring a huge grudge against her for ruining my trip back east a couple years ago.
Lunch today was no different. A little less vile than usual, but no different really.
Lunch discussion about my proprieties finding a new job in my field.
Sister: You should get a spouse so you'll have a second income.
Me: Well I don't have one, do that comment is irrelevant.
S: I'm just saying, it would help you financially to look for work or take the part-time until you can find f/t in your field.
Me: yes, but I don't have that option. So you mentioning it repeatedly doesn't change it. And even if I had a spouse to help me take those risks, I'd still have to make enough money to live my own life regardless.
Sister: But you have a roommate.
Me: That's not the point. That's not his responsibility, nor is his living with me ever guaranteed.
You're not listening.
Sister: but...
Brother-in-law: : sisters name, Stop talking. Just stop.
Other conversations were no different. She wants to be the first to know and inform everyone that she knew it first. The kicker was when the oldest sister corrected her about our other sister. She actually told her she was wrong. I had to pipe in, cos we were on a conference call together, and I backed her up. She was so mad she didn't know. Well, why would you? You don't talk to, or have a relationship with that sister.... just sayin.
In short, having the Brother-in-law there was a nice buffer. How he's put up with her for all these decades, I have no idea. He's a saint!
Life Updates:
I started a positive jar. Every time I do something new, or tried, etc, it goes on a post-it, and into the jar. At the end of the year, you take them out and read them. Trying to remember to write them down is the only obstacle. hahah
Every month, I'm pushing myself to do something I want to do. I joined Meetup.com. It's a group site that allows you to find people with similar interests. Not a dating site! I've joined as a recommendation from my shrink. 1) to find more female age-appropriate friends. Which is coming along. 2) activities I like or want to try.
Some of the groups are a hit and a miss. Although you can find your groove pretty quick. I still have anxiety when it comes to doing new things with people I don't know etc, however, the more honest I about it with the event host, the easier it is to be awkwardly charming. Slowly building confidence. I'm doing more things on my own. Taking lessons in activities I've wanted to try, outside of the meetup groups. Stepping stones, always.
Career:
Is proving to be harder than originally thought to find full-time permanent work locally.
Everything is casual or part-time. I might have to consider looking into part-time positions. As long as I can be guaranteed 20 hrs a week at a government salary, I can get by, until something full time comes up. But then finding it, and getting short-listed is hard too. The search continues. It's actually on a timeline, as my current company is about to roll out a new program in January 2018 that will eliminate a lot of what I do. As no one can tell me anything solidified regarding my position, I feel it's best to beat them to the punch. As we've been laying offing staff in other departments. It hasn't been exactly compassionate or tactful.
Empaths:
In one of the groups I joined, I met a woman who is into feeling energies etc. While I feel some people who talk about it too openly are full of it. Those who truly have the ability to feel other people's energies don't walk around bragging about it, cos in the reality of things, its not always a gift to be able to feel good and bad energies. Especially the bad. IN short, what I'm learning about myself, is not to be afraid of it.. that I can feel everything. All the fucking time. I'm learning how to protect my own personal energy from being affected by the negative. I don't openly talk about it. Only a few people really know, mostly cos they feel it too.
Side note: sort of related. I've learned that our souls travel in packs in each lifetime. So those people who you're drawn to without really knowing why, it's believed you knew each other in another time. Kind of a neat way to think about those who come and go.
Dating:
bahahahahahah big breath bahahahahaahahahaha
Actually, I've been learning to love myself more. Always an on-going thing. Something I haven't been able to say in a few years, I like myself. Almost love, but like myself, a lot.
Would I date me? A couple years ago, no. Now, yes!
I found a meme on FB that stuck with me.
A son asks his Dad, "When will I meet the right woman?" The Dad's reply, "To meet the right woman, you must become the right man." I suppose that works both ways.
And that is what I'm doing. I am lonely at times. To the point it's palpable. This is not to be confused or compared to being horny. I have my short term needs covered.
General things:
Learning to keep my mouth shut, is surprisingly becoming easier. I'm observing a lot more. Maybe this has more to do with learning to love me, that I don't feel the need to be the life of any party.
It's calm here. :)
okay, I think that is all I have right now. It's all over the place, but it's no longer taking up space in my brain.
