Those would be the first words out of my mouth this morning had a cop seen my bed.
Ew, no! Not 'that'.
Blood everywhere. All over my pillow cases. Like I had gone to bed with a head wound or something. Discovered it was my nose! My nose bled who knows how many times throughout the night. I'm pretty sure my favorite pillow cases (white fleece) are ruined now.
I did not have time to prep them for laundry this morning, although I managed to pull the cases of the pillows at least.....after.....I woke up from what I thought was a pretty sound sleep, to the sound of water, everywhere. Jumped up, panicked that my apartment was flooded due to not turning off a tap in the kitchen or bathroom, overflowing toilet etc. Only to realize that it was the monsoon outside pounding my windows, and ceiling. Heavy rain that sounded like it was INSIDE my apartment.
Frazzled by that, then seeing my pillows, needless to say I was having a rough start. I no longer knew how to put my pants on, (one foot or two at a time) whether or not to brush my teeth first, make my lunch, get dressed etc.... too.many.decisions!!!!
Get to work, have my coffee, think... this coffee is shit. Only to realize later I put milk in it that expired TWO DAYS AGO!
.......But hey, the Canucks won last night!!! Round 2 baby!!!
Wednesday, 27 April 2011
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
Canucks vs Blackhawks! National Anthems Rock!
I'm actually a dork. If you did not already know that...
Both the American & Canadian National Anthems....make me tear up.
They always have.
More so when its at any military football game, or ANY hockey game.
We (Vancouver Canucks) have a token singer. Mark Donnelly. Personally, I think he is a pompous ass, and he thinks he's a friggin rock star, but man, can the man belt it out and get a crowd going!
There is a video of him doing both, it's not the greatest and it's only for Game 1 of the Playoffs. This video is of Game 2 and we already have a win under our belts.
I'm watching Game 7 as I type this.
Plus I like the guy that does the American Anthem much better than Mr. I think I'm a friggin rockstar Donnelly.
If you've never been to a Canucks game, watch the beginning of the video.
This is Game 2 Canucks vs Blackhawks 2011 Playoffs.
PUMPED!
It's worth watching the full 5 mins. *tear*
Monday, 25 April 2011
Stress Cries & Hating Myself.
Everything this weekend made me cry. Everything! E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G-!
Whether it was from sadness, laughing, empathy for another, or plain woes is me. I cried. And I can not remember for the life of me, when I had my last period. I thought I was due for it a week and a bit ago, but it never came. I did not count or mark the last one, so I could be way off. I count my cycle since I'm not on birth control. It works reasonably well. I count between Day 21 - 29. I get it in there. Occasionally I get it between Day 29-34. Those bigger gaps do not happen as often.
Off track...
Point is, I do not have my period and I'm crying, a lot. Hopefully it will come any day now, or I might have to count this as a side effect of the Accutane. Which is listed as one, one however that I have yet to experience. Nothing out of the norm.
I watched a lot of bad TV this weekend. Aside from leaving the house on Saturday to help a friend and her husband move a shed, and dug a tone of ditches in their front yard, turn over the soil/yard, refill the ditches as a compost etc... Not to mention I re-dug a hole that someone had previously dug-out and filled. Ugh.
I did okay in the sun. Those that knew I'm on the Accutane made sure I did not spend a whole lot of time exposed. Layered and reapplied the sunblock a few times in a 6 hour span. Today (read: two days later) I can barely move my arms, cos my shoulders are now broken, and can no longer lift my legs. Can't.even.bend.forward.to.stretch. Overall it was a great day. Lots of laughing, good spirits, well behaved kids and tweens, good food and the neighbour's hot model teenager son (okay he's like 22 yrs old) tanning and strutting his stuff oh-so-casually in front of a bunch of 30 something women. *drool*
Bad TV consisted of many marathons about the Royal Family. Ok, I thought I knew a bit before, mostly due to my aunt only having books on the RF to read when I'm visiting, but now.... I know way more. Some of it was cool, the other stuff were just experts trying to convince us they know what/who/when/what the future King & Queen of our country are all about. Their taste in furniture, flats etc. I laughed, cos that would ring true if it were the Queen Mum or Q.Elizabeth. But Wills & Kate are young hip, trendy etc, I highly doubt they're going to have a flat that resembles that of what a 90 yr old person might like. They're already breaking the tradition by not arriving to the wedding in a carriage. They will arrive in cars. Ridiculous expensive cars, but not the tacky carriage. They however must depart in one of the 130 carriages the RF owns. Yes I know too much now.
Say Yes To The Dress Big Bliss was the other marathon I watched. I learned a bit. And I must say I LOVE LOVE LOVE Randy and the way he manages people's different personalities. LOVE HIM! I cried when I remembered that my parents will never see me marry. My Dad will never walk me down the isle, and if I do not get married in the next decade, my Aunt's husband Mike and my oldest brother Michael may not be with us anymore and they too will not be available to walk me down the isle. I'm sure one of my cousins would step in if asked.
The other thing I noticed about the Big Bliss Brides, something I've observed in general life. There are a lot of big women who thing dressing inappropriately for their size and being crude/rude/and loud is okay. Wearing a top that is too tight and showing way too much of the girls is not cool.Same with your lower half. It makes you look trashy. Being overly loud. I mean, loud as in, draw as much attention to yourself as possible is again, not cool. Being rude and crude. ugh. I'm being all McJudgey right now, but those are people I could not be friends with. They seem to go out of their way to appear uneducated and trashy.
Yes, that was the judgement I made about many of these brides. Don't get me wrong, some skinny brides are no better. I guess my point is, we as a plus size already draw enough attention to ourselves cos of our size. Why draw a larger negative response cos you choose to portray yourself as having no manners or do not know how to be a lady. Time and place to be trashy. Shopping at Kleinfelds New York is not one of them.
The other thing I learned; wedding dresses in a plus size, limited, even at Kleinfelds New York. They have one of the largest inventories in North America. Imagine how hard it will be to locate a plus size wedding dress elsewhere. I mean, yes, it possible, but like clothes shopping, it might be limited.
Very long story short, lately I've been faced with my own dislikes about myself. My weight is one of them. Until recently, I've always carried my weight very well, very proportionately. Today, not so much. It's all setting a fire under my ass to get more serious about doing something about it.
I DO NOT WANT TO BE FAT ANYMORE. You know it's time when you start judging others the same size as you as unattractive. I know I'll never be a size 8 again. See pictured attached.
Yes that is me. Size 8 at my fittest. 130 lbs As you can see, even fit, I'm a thick girl. Hips and girth. Little did I know 8 years after that picture was taken, I'd gain 80 lbs in less than 9 months. Now I'm a 16/18. Pushing out of 18 and into 20 soon if I'm not careful. It's not pretty. I've never been pencil thin. Always had curves, before J-Lo was ever popular and teased heavily for it. Having a women's body as a teenager wasn't easy. In dance and gymnastics it worked in my benefit.
Being athletic and curvy wasn't normal or popular. Add being a redhead and get a lot of stares. At the time that is. Now, girls are curvy from birth it seems. I'd say today's youth have a healthier body images. They know how to embrace being different a little better than we did 20 years ago. Yes I'm aware poor body image still exists, but it's not a taboo topic anymore. Just like mental health. People are becoming more educated and tolerant about topics. Well some are, there are people in the world who just like to hate. Regardless of their reason.
And to think the long term b/f thought I was getting "heavy" at 135 lbs a few years after that picture was taken. I'd give a lot to have that body/flexibility/strength again. I cried in anger thinking about that place and time when he said that over dinner with his parents and my rude reply at the dinner table in his parents house. "Having compared me to (his sister's name)who is 10 years younger than me, but 6 ft tall and a professional ballerina. No comparison being 5'2, 10 yrs older and weighing 35 lbs more than her. Of course you'd think I was heavy." The remainder of the night was quiet. We broke up a few months later after the better half of 7 years.
So I'm sappy, and very unhappy with my physical appearance.
I will do something about it.
Must make it a priority.
Whether it was from sadness, laughing, empathy for another, or plain woes is me. I cried. And I can not remember for the life of me, when I had my last period. I thought I was due for it a week and a bit ago, but it never came. I did not count or mark the last one, so I could be way off. I count my cycle since I'm not on birth control. It works reasonably well. I count between Day 21 - 29. I get it in there. Occasionally I get it between Day 29-34. Those bigger gaps do not happen as often.
Off track...
Point is, I do not have my period and I'm crying, a lot. Hopefully it will come any day now, or I might have to count this as a side effect of the Accutane. Which is listed as one, one however that I have yet to experience. Nothing out of the norm.
I watched a lot of bad TV this weekend. Aside from leaving the house on Saturday to help a friend and her husband move a shed, and dug a tone of ditches in their front yard, turn over the soil/yard, refill the ditches as a compost etc... Not to mention I re-dug a hole that someone had previously dug-out and filled. Ugh.
I did okay in the sun. Those that knew I'm on the Accutane made sure I did not spend a whole lot of time exposed. Layered and reapplied the sunblock a few times in a 6 hour span. Today (read: two days later) I can barely move my arms, cos my shoulders are now broken, and can no longer lift my legs. Can't.even.bend.forward.to.stretch. Overall it was a great day. Lots of laughing, good spirits, well behaved kids and tweens, good food and the neighbour's hot model teenager son (okay he's like 22 yrs old) tanning and strutting his stuff oh-so-casually in front of a bunch of 30 something women. *drool*
Bad TV consisted of many marathons about the Royal Family. Ok, I thought I knew a bit before, mostly due to my aunt only having books on the RF to read when I'm visiting, but now.... I know way more. Some of it was cool, the other stuff were just experts trying to convince us they know what/who/when/what the future King & Queen of our country are all about. Their taste in furniture, flats etc. I laughed, cos that would ring true if it were the Queen Mum or Q.Elizabeth. But Wills & Kate are young hip, trendy etc, I highly doubt they're going to have a flat that resembles that of what a 90 yr old person might like. They're already breaking the tradition by not arriving to the wedding in a carriage. They will arrive in cars. Ridiculous expensive cars, but not the tacky carriage. They however must depart in one of the 130 carriages the RF owns. Yes I know too much now.
Say Yes To The Dress Big Bliss was the other marathon I watched. I learned a bit. And I must say I LOVE LOVE LOVE Randy and the way he manages people's different personalities. LOVE HIM! I cried when I remembered that my parents will never see me marry. My Dad will never walk me down the isle, and if I do not get married in the next decade, my Aunt's husband Mike and my oldest brother Michael may not be with us anymore and they too will not be available to walk me down the isle. I'm sure one of my cousins would step in if asked.
The other thing I noticed about the Big Bliss Brides, something I've observed in general life. There are a lot of big women who thing dressing inappropriately for their size and being crude/rude/and loud is okay. Wearing a top that is too tight and showing way too much of the girls is not cool.Same with your lower half. It makes you look trashy. Being overly loud. I mean, loud as in, draw as much attention to yourself as possible is again, not cool. Being rude and crude. ugh. I'm being all McJudgey right now, but those are people I could not be friends with. They seem to go out of their way to appear uneducated and trashy.
Yes, that was the judgement I made about many of these brides. Don't get me wrong, some skinny brides are no better. I guess my point is, we as a plus size already draw enough attention to ourselves cos of our size. Why draw a larger negative response cos you choose to portray yourself as having no manners or do not know how to be a lady. Time and place to be trashy. Shopping at Kleinfelds New York is not one of them.
The other thing I learned; wedding dresses in a plus size, limited, even at Kleinfelds New York. They have one of the largest inventories in North America. Imagine how hard it will be to locate a plus size wedding dress elsewhere. I mean, yes, it possible, but like clothes shopping, it might be limited.
Very long story short, lately I've been faced with my own dislikes about myself. My weight is one of them. Until recently, I've always carried my weight very well, very proportionately. Today, not so much. It's all setting a fire under my ass to get more serious about doing something about it.
I DO NOT WANT TO BE FAT ANYMORE. You know it's time when you start judging others the same size as you as unattractive. I know I'll never be a size 8 again. See pictured attached.
Yes that is me. Size 8 at my fittest. 130 lbs As you can see, even fit, I'm a thick girl. Hips and girth. Little did I know 8 years after that picture was taken, I'd gain 80 lbs in less than 9 months. Now I'm a 16/18. Pushing out of 18 and into 20 soon if I'm not careful. It's not pretty. I've never been pencil thin. Always had curves, before J-Lo was ever popular and teased heavily for it. Having a women's body as a teenager wasn't easy. In dance and gymnastics it worked in my benefit.
Being athletic and curvy wasn't normal or popular. Add being a redhead and get a lot of stares. At the time that is. Now, girls are curvy from birth it seems. I'd say today's youth have a healthier body images. They know how to embrace being different a little better than we did 20 years ago. Yes I'm aware poor body image still exists, but it's not a taboo topic anymore. Just like mental health. People are becoming more educated and tolerant about topics. Well some are, there are people in the world who just like to hate. Regardless of their reason.
And to think the long term b/f thought I was getting "heavy" at 135 lbs a few years after that picture was taken. I'd give a lot to have that body/flexibility/strength again. I cried in anger thinking about that place and time when he said that over dinner with his parents and my rude reply at the dinner table in his parents house. "Having compared me to (his sister's name)who is 10 years younger than me, but 6 ft tall and a professional ballerina. No comparison being 5'2, 10 yrs older and weighing 35 lbs more than her. Of course you'd think I was heavy." The remainder of the night was quiet. We broke up a few months later after the better half of 7 years.
So I'm sappy, and very unhappy with my physical appearance.
I will do something about it.
Must make it a priority.
Thursday, 21 April 2011
Solemn Entry. Derek K. Miller @ Penmachine.com
I've been reading Derek K. Miller for sometime over the years.
Turns out we have a few mutual friends in common.
A few years ago he discovered he had cancer. Last year the doctors decided it was terminal, and he will be leaving us here on this plane within the year. Personally I would freaked the hell out. Derek may have done that too, however he chose to write about his life in such a way, you can't help but be inspired by him, even if you're crying, cos it's raw, honest, awe insprising and amazingly well written.
I highly recommend you check out his blog at Penmachine.com and encourage you to leave comments on any posting you feel like. This will be the things his kids read about him for the rest of their lives.
He recently had a living wake which I personally think was an amazing way for friends and family to say goodbye and and celebrate his life, and for him to be witness to it, *tear* is amazing and fortunate all in itself.
I've never met Derek, and yet he inspires me in ways I wish I had known back when my parents were ill from cancer. I hope I'm never faced with the knowledge of when I'm going to die. However, if I am, I hope I have the courage and strength to make the best of every single day, and to be that raw & honest about it. I'm sure there isn't anything in the world he wouldn't give to not be in this position. But he doesn't seem to live in the what if, could have, just one more time, kind of world.
Again, I highly recommend you read his blog. It's not sad in the way you think it would be. It makes you proud and more importantly, blessed to have access to parts of his life. I have a feeling his time is closer than I care to admit as his updates are becoming less frequent due to his lack of energy etc. He even mentions it's obviously apparent now that he is dying as he shares moments with his wife A.
The world will be down one amazing man when his time comes.
I hope his kids grow up to be amazing adults just like their Dad, and that they know he touched many people through his writing.
My wish for Derek is, when his time is here, that it's in his sleep, that he's not really aware of it happening and feels absolutely no pain. Then he will be free to haunt his family and play wonder pranks on them. Just so they know he's still there.
*hugs* Derek. xoxo Stay classy my friend. xoxoxox
Turns out we have a few mutual friends in common.
A few years ago he discovered he had cancer. Last year the doctors decided it was terminal, and he will be leaving us here on this plane within the year. Personally I would freaked the hell out. Derek may have done that too, however he chose to write about his life in such a way, you can't help but be inspired by him, even if you're crying, cos it's raw, honest, awe insprising and amazingly well written.
I highly recommend you check out his blog at Penmachine.com and encourage you to leave comments on any posting you feel like. This will be the things his kids read about him for the rest of their lives.
He recently had a living wake which I personally think was an amazing way for friends and family to say goodbye and and celebrate his life, and for him to be witness to it, *tear* is amazing and fortunate all in itself.
I've never met Derek, and yet he inspires me in ways I wish I had known back when my parents were ill from cancer. I hope I'm never faced with the knowledge of when I'm going to die. However, if I am, I hope I have the courage and strength to make the best of every single day, and to be that raw & honest about it. I'm sure there isn't anything in the world he wouldn't give to not be in this position. But he doesn't seem to live in the what if, could have, just one more time, kind of world.
Again, I highly recommend you read his blog. It's not sad in the way you think it would be. It makes you proud and more importantly, blessed to have access to parts of his life. I have a feeling his time is closer than I care to admit as his updates are becoming less frequent due to his lack of energy etc. He even mentions it's obviously apparent now that he is dying as he shares moments with his wife A.
The world will be down one amazing man when his time comes.
I hope his kids grow up to be amazing adults just like their Dad, and that they know he touched many people through his writing.
My wish for Derek is, when his time is here, that it's in his sleep, that he's not really aware of it happening and feels absolutely no pain. Then he will be free to haunt his family and play wonder pranks on them. Just so they know he's still there.
*hugs* Derek. xoxo Stay classy my friend. xoxoxox
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
I MIGHT have a problem.
Yesterday, I'm not sure what got into me. I've fallen off the bandwagon of not ingesting caffeine or sugar.
I mean really fallen off. So far off, to the point no one called wo(man) overboard and circled around to come get me. :(
This was my intake yesterday. I'm really surprised I haven't slipped into a diabetic coma.
1 Large Vanilla Latte 20oz
2 - 8oz regular coffee's at work with 3 sugar packages each.
2 - 16 oz pops at lunch
1 can of coke after lunch
2 - 20oz bottles of hot water between leaving work and going to bed. (my water bottle is 20oz's, I usually drink 2-4 bottles a day). Not yesterday.
That is more caffeine and sugar in one day than I usually ingest over a month. :(
I'm so ashamed!
On the other hand, I wonder if not feeling so lethargic has anything to do with drinking regular coffee these days and not the fact I've changed the time of day I take the Accutane?
I mean really fallen off. So far off, to the point no one called wo(man) overboard and circled around to come get me. :(
This was my intake yesterday. I'm really surprised I haven't slipped into a diabetic coma.
1 Large Vanilla Latte 20oz
2 - 8oz regular coffee's at work with 3 sugar packages each.
2 - 16 oz pops at lunch
1 can of coke after lunch
2 - 20oz bottles of hot water between leaving work and going to bed. (my water bottle is 20oz's, I usually drink 2-4 bottles a day). Not yesterday.
That is more caffeine and sugar in one day than I usually ingest over a month. :(
I'm so ashamed!
On the other hand, I wonder if not feeling so lethargic has anything to do with drinking regular coffee these days and not the fact I've changed the time of day I take the Accutane?
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
Vancouver's weather system has a sense of humour.
The Vancouver weather system is on the fritz.
I left the house this morning wearing ballet sandals and a hoody. Yes my work allows this as acceptable office attire. It was perfectly cool, with a hint of sun at 0630am.
Come 10am, it's snowing!!! Okay, at first I completely freaked but it turned out to be hail, lots of it. Rain, more hail (I still think it's snow and one of my couriers says its snow), rain. Not 5 mins later, it's spring again.
As much as I complain about the weather, solely cos I'm a transit user, I really do not mind the weather. I find it almost comical at times. There is a reason "they" say, British Columbia is the best place on earth! Here you can indeed snowboard, surf, go to the beach, and golf all in the same day. No really, you truly can. It helps that all the mountains are accessible within less than an hours drive. Depending where you are, it may be less than 30 minutes. I live on a small mountain in Coquitlam.
The Burrard Inlet is all that separates me from the ski mountains.
Burrard is a picture - I live on the right, in coq, not Burnaby, and the north shore mountains are there on the left. Nice and close. Inlet is a wiki infor page for ya.
Unfortunately, to get to those mountains, I'd have to drive through the city to get there. There is no direct link from my area to the North Shore.(there should be) Even then, its less than a hours drive, in rush hour.
So you can see, as much as I have a love/hate relationship with our weather system, I do love it all. I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. honestly when it came to dating someone who lived out of province, the deal breaker was I wouldn't move from BC, ever. I'll move around within my own province, but will never move out of it. This will only be compromised if it were an offer to move to the far east coast. Nothing in between thanks.
Anyone else have a love/hate for something where they live?
....GO!
I left the house this morning wearing ballet sandals and a hoody. Yes my work allows this as acceptable office attire. It was perfectly cool, with a hint of sun at 0630am.
Come 10am, it's snowing!!! Okay, at first I completely freaked but it turned out to be hail, lots of it. Rain, more hail (I still think it's snow and one of my couriers says its snow), rain. Not 5 mins later, it's spring again.
As much as I complain about the weather, solely cos I'm a transit user, I really do not mind the weather. I find it almost comical at times. There is a reason "they" say, British Columbia is the best place on earth! Here you can indeed snowboard, surf, go to the beach, and golf all in the same day. No really, you truly can. It helps that all the mountains are accessible within less than an hours drive. Depending where you are, it may be less than 30 minutes. I live on a small mountain in Coquitlam.
The Burrard Inlet is all that separates me from the ski mountains.
Burrard is a picture - I live on the right, in coq, not Burnaby, and the north shore mountains are there on the left. Nice and close. Inlet is a wiki infor page for ya.
Unfortunately, to get to those mountains, I'd have to drive through the city to get there. There is no direct link from my area to the North Shore.(there should be) Even then, its less than a hours drive, in rush hour.
So you can see, as much as I have a love/hate relationship with our weather system, I do love it all. I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. honestly when it came to dating someone who lived out of province, the deal breaker was I wouldn't move from BC, ever. I'll move around within my own province, but will never move out of it. This will only be compromised if it were an offer to move to the far east coast. Nothing in between thanks.
Anyone else have a love/hate for something where they live?
....GO!
Monday, 18 April 2011
Sans Rant.
Sorry folks, there is no rant for you today. Aawwwwww, I know, boo hiss... you'll survive. ;-)
This past week was surprisingly better than the last few weeks, as far as feeling lethargic that is. No, really, it was a great week. I stayed up past 10pm most nights, did not nap right after work, before dinner or on the weekend etc.
Saturday I took the opportunity to go shopping with Single And Picky. Not much on my list of things to get, but I knew that would be a challenge in of itself. We agreed to meet at the halfway point for both of us at a larger mall. Once we found each other, I think I instantly cross the boundaries of personal space. S&P held her hand out to shake hands, and I leaned right in and hugged her. lol Talk about an awkward start. I should have advised her I'm a hugger type of person, or better yet, paid better attention to the signals of someone elses personal space etc.
Moving forward....As huge as the mall was, I found it very limited to where I could shop for plus size clothing. :( I do not go to this mall often enough and really did not know what they offered. What I do know is, there are 3-4 plus size stores (many locations) in the lower mainland. Only 1 of which was in the mall, and to add to the declining success of finding clothes for myself, that particular store did not carry a Plus Petite section, as all others seem to do. Oh well. I shopped for accessories instead. S&P made off with a few things. :) "No work clothes!"
While shopping at some stores, I came to realize not only am I limited as to where I can shop, the styles available to plus size people is also very limited. I found pieces I would have easily dropped $125 on, for one piece. (That brown dress from La Chateau) Had it come in my size.
We went back to one store, thinking I would shop for tops instead of pants, as I can occasionally wear a plus size top. I'm kind of in that in-between size on my upper body. Petite plus would have been perfect. Regular was just a smidgen too small and the smallest size in plus, was frumpy. Talk about motivation to get serious about losing weight!!! Not to mention I realized that most plus size clothing is cotton. :( Not like the nice materials you want laying against your skin.
I know I'm never going to be a size 8 again. Although I'd be happy with a 10/12, even a 14 at times. At least then, the spectrum of where I could shop would greatly expand and I would no longer have to shop for what's available in my size. I would have more variety for sure.
A few hours later, we ended our adventure and went our separate ways. I've never met a reader in person before, so even though I had invaded her space from the start, I'd say it was a success. In time I think I'll make a point of meeting all the local bloggers. Providing they're also game.
I was suppose to head to N.Vancouver to see The Adam Woodall Band play as I missed Friday's gig. After eating and resting, I was exhausted. I wasn't going anywhere. So much for all that energy. However I did not nap!! lol Sunday was another story. Got up earlier than expected, headed to N. Vancouver for the celebration of the Lonsdale Quay's existing 25 yrs. Met up with a dozen or so friends, and made up for missing the weekend gigs. The AWB played for two hours and rocked! I've never seen them play outside, on the water. It was BLISS! Cool air and sun on your face, great music, great crowd, great friends. :) Awesome way to spend a lazy Sunday...... til I got home. I thought my face felt a bit tight, "maybe it was the inlet air etc"... lol until I looked in the mirror. Nope. I'm burnt to a friggin crisp! A g/f had even asked when we all arrived, if I had brought/wore sunscreen. Nope. It's a good thing I'm cute, as I unpacked my bag, I realized I have a travel-size spray bottle of sunscreen!!! Seriously, what is the point of carrying this in my bag, if I'm going to forget it's even there!!?? Geez....
If this is any indication of what the summer sun will do to me while on Accutane, I'm never leaving the house!
A co worker laughing at my appearance this morning suggested I wear a Burqa this summer when commuting or spending any amount of time outside. Honestly, I would if I knew for sure it wouldn't offend anyone. It's one summer. It's not the end of the world.... Is it?
All said and done, it was a good weekend. :) Being Monday, energy is still higher than normal. (I think the extra shot large lattes I'm having contribute) Going to continue to make the best of it all as long as I have it in me.
This past week was surprisingly better than the last few weeks, as far as feeling lethargic that is. No, really, it was a great week. I stayed up past 10pm most nights, did not nap right after work, before dinner or on the weekend etc.
Saturday I took the opportunity to go shopping with Single And Picky. Not much on my list of things to get, but I knew that would be a challenge in of itself. We agreed to meet at the halfway point for both of us at a larger mall. Once we found each other, I think I instantly cross the boundaries of personal space. S&P held her hand out to shake hands, and I leaned right in and hugged her. lol Talk about an awkward start. I should have advised her I'm a hugger type of person, or better yet, paid better attention to the signals of someone elses personal space etc.
Moving forward....As huge as the mall was, I found it very limited to where I could shop for plus size clothing. :( I do not go to this mall often enough and really did not know what they offered. What I do know is, there are 3-4 plus size stores (many locations) in the lower mainland. Only 1 of which was in the mall, and to add to the declining success of finding clothes for myself, that particular store did not carry a Plus Petite section, as all others seem to do. Oh well. I shopped for accessories instead. S&P made off with a few things. :) "No work clothes!"
While shopping at some stores, I came to realize not only am I limited as to where I can shop, the styles available to plus size people is also very limited. I found pieces I would have easily dropped $125 on, for one piece. (That brown dress from La Chateau) Had it come in my size.
We went back to one store, thinking I would shop for tops instead of pants, as I can occasionally wear a plus size top. I'm kind of in that in-between size on my upper body. Petite plus would have been perfect. Regular was just a smidgen too small and the smallest size in plus, was frumpy. Talk about motivation to get serious about losing weight!!! Not to mention I realized that most plus size clothing is cotton. :( Not like the nice materials you want laying against your skin.
I know I'm never going to be a size 8 again. Although I'd be happy with a 10/12, even a 14 at times. At least then, the spectrum of where I could shop would greatly expand and I would no longer have to shop for what's available in my size. I would have more variety for sure.
A few hours later, we ended our adventure and went our separate ways. I've never met a reader in person before, so even though I had invaded her space from the start, I'd say it was a success. In time I think I'll make a point of meeting all the local bloggers. Providing they're also game.
I was suppose to head to N.Vancouver to see The Adam Woodall Band play as I missed Friday's gig. After eating and resting, I was exhausted. I wasn't going anywhere. So much for all that energy. However I did not nap!! lol Sunday was another story. Got up earlier than expected, headed to N. Vancouver for the celebration of the Lonsdale Quay's existing 25 yrs. Met up with a dozen or so friends, and made up for missing the weekend gigs. The AWB played for two hours and rocked! I've never seen them play outside, on the water. It was BLISS! Cool air and sun on your face, great music, great crowd, great friends. :) Awesome way to spend a lazy Sunday...... til I got home. I thought my face felt a bit tight, "maybe it was the inlet air etc"... lol until I looked in the mirror. Nope. I'm burnt to a friggin crisp! A g/f had even asked when we all arrived, if I had brought/wore sunscreen. Nope. It's a good thing I'm cute, as I unpacked my bag, I realized I have a travel-size spray bottle of sunscreen!!! Seriously, what is the point of carrying this in my bag, if I'm going to forget it's even there!!?? Geez....
If this is any indication of what the summer sun will do to me while on Accutane, I'm never leaving the house!
A co worker laughing at my appearance this morning suggested I wear a Burqa this summer when commuting or spending any amount of time outside. Honestly, I would if I knew for sure it wouldn't offend anyone. It's one summer. It's not the end of the world.... Is it?
All said and done, it was a good weekend. :) Being Monday, energy is still higher than normal. (I think the extra shot large lattes I'm having contribute) Going to continue to make the best of it all as long as I have it in me.
Friday, 15 April 2011
Have All Men Gone Completely Stupid?
.......Yes it was rhetorical.
Although I'm currently not dating cos I think men are stupid. I love men. I do. But I think I would love them more if they did not open their mouths at all, unless it is to kiss me or live under my skirt. ;-)
With the playoffs starting, men traditionally start growing their play off beards, and I could not be happier!! There is something ridiculously hot about men with "groomed" scruff. If it's unkempt, just keep walking, cos I will not want to do naughty things to you unless it's groomed. Men know this. They do. They can play stupid all they want, they know their hotness level rises during playoffs. Sidenote: If you're one of those girls who doesn't shave her legs or girlie bits during the playoffs, I'm sorry, we can no longer be friends.
Ok I'm way distracted by this. Back to the point of today's rant.
A few years back when the Douche and I were on a long break I was having much success with my online dating experiences. I met about a dozen men over that year, who today are still friends or acquaintances. One of them being Weiner. (ya we'll call him that). Hot, smart, had his own friends, hobbies, a life. Score! We met and couldn't hit it off. Something about him in person wouldn't let me take my guard down. When he realized we weren't going to be hooking up, the insults started. Shocked at the words that came out of his mouth. Of course I deleted him and moved on to other men.
After many discussions about his attitude towards me at times etc, we've remained facebook/msn pals. That's it. I haven't seen him in person since that first year. This past Wednesday was something new. I do not know if he had a psychotic break or just realized that he hates women. Maybe he just simply hates me. He got to the point of asking if I wanted to hook up etc and listed his demands if we did.
1) Wants a picture of us having sex sans condom.
2) He won't kiss me cos that's gross. Not just me, says he won't kiss any women.
3) And that he will LET me give him oral.
He just laid it all out there. I explained, that although temping, I would pass... for forever! He verbally assaulted me. Yup.
Cunt, prude, stupid idiot, were just a few of the things he called me. I stared at my computer screen blankly while trying to gauge if he thought he was being funny and I wasn't getting it (not the first time) or if really meant the things he was saying. You can call me a lot of names, but cunt will not be tolerated.
Him:
cunt
cunt
cunt
cunt
cunt
:)
cunt
cunt
cunt
;p
cunt
etc.......
Me:
I've asked you before not to call me that.
Him:
Geez you're a prude, it's just a fucking word. Cunt.
Me: I do not care.
Him:
fucking cunt.
Me: Bye Weiner. (deleted msn contact)
Him: Fine. I'll call you vagina!
vagina
vagina
vagina
etc........
Me: Ok, now that's funny!!!
Him: Are you a fucking stupid idiot? It's means the same thing!
Me: Cunt is vulgar and demeaning, vagina has humour to it.
He goes on to call more names etc.
Then it dawned on me. I do not have to put up with this. Not from anyone, nor anyone who deliberately goes out their way to belittle me for sport, does not deserve my time, energy, or a second though again. Especially when I've told him not to call me names. Are we 5 yrs old?
I guess he did not believe me. He spent the next hour on/off apologising and that he was joking. Regardless he took it too far. I told him I wasn't interested in playing games and that if he still needed that thrill to go find someone with less self esteem and dignity to play games with. More name calling ensued.
Walking away from the computer, I was mad at myself that I even continued to chat with him after he called me a cunt. What the hell was I thinking? I am not that girl who will put up with abuse. Not from anyone I know, and especially not from some guy I met 4 years ago and haven't done anything with since.
The part that saddens me is, he has been a really decent guy 90% of the time. But that 10% just over powers any good in him. He crossed over to the dark side. (and yes, he's a major Star Wars fan).
A few hours have past and it's been quiet. My cell phone starts going off with more name calling.
Starting to become enraged with him, I stepped down to his level and decided to fight fire with fire. Those who know me, know you've really pissed me off if I'm willing to fight dirty.
I gathered all our conversation history for the last 4 years, recent text msg's written verbatim, and all sexual pictures he's sent me of him with different women and sent them all to his girlfriend on facebook. (What? I'm not stupid. I keep ALL documentation when it comes to men online for occasions just like this. Best advise I was ever given from a cop I met online.) Yes he has a g/f, who he claims they are p/t swingers and she's fully aware and encourages his "outings". Oh ya, we'll see about that. File sent to her facebook account. Done in two emails.
Everything is time/stamped and dated. So he will have a very hard time explaining away when any of this took place. I feel bad for her if she is not aware etc. Looking back this might have been a harsh move on my part. I do not think 100% rationally when I'm livid like that. I do pick my battles and this is one I wasn't going to let go. If I didn't do it, he'd go on verbally abusing women, and will probably continue.
What is it about me that I attract these men. What vibe am I giving off that men think it's completely acceptable to talk or treat me like I do not matter or like I'm cattle? Seriously? I do not think I give out a desperate vibe. Is it cos I'm overweight and a lot of men to tend to think heavier women are more likely to be kinky etc cos that is the only way some of them can get any lovin? I've been told that by a few men, and although the majority of men will not admit it, a lot of more men think that way. Not winning.
Even while single, I'm losing faith in men as a species.
Another example to prove my point.
Yesterday: One of my cousins emails me on facebook and asks me who Richard is and why he is poking her? This is the same guy that rejected me last week when I hadn't implied any interest. Winning.
Conversation below.
Me:
Hey Rich,
Okay you've officially freaked out my little cousin (enter name) by poking her repeatedly on here. Please stop. If you're interested in anyone on my friends list, let me know and I'll let you know if they're at least of age!!!! Thanks :)
Rich:
I poked her. She poked me as well silly head and retuning the poke (2nd time) IS NOT REPEATEDLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! get it straight DRAMA!!
Of course I had to ask my obviously looking underage cousin if she did poke him back, and if so, stop. She was mad and upset. She had not poked him. Then I started to wonder how he got a hold of my friends list to start with. I have it blocked from all friends. Light bulb goes off when I realize I started a family list that is public to everyone until I changed the settings.
Me:
Drama? Really? When a 39 yr old man pokes an underage family member of mine that he doesn't know on facebook, I'm entitled to ask a few questions. You've made it very clear you're not interested in me but you thought it would acceptable to poke members of my family for fun? I'm sure you meant nothing by it, but you've freaked her out. Just do not poke her again, regardless if she pokes you. Thanks.
Rich:
Yup.
Me:
yup? I don't understand. What?
Rich:
YUP!
I've decided to leave it at all. Cousin has blocked him. (so thankful FB allows you to block people you're not friends with again You were not able to do so before) I've blocked him from seeing my family list.
Seriously, what has gotten into men? I've emailed the rest of my female family members to see if he poked anyone else. Waiting to hear back. If it turns out that he has, I will chew him a new ass and will ask everyone that he poked to report him. That is not normal behaviour. I'm sure it was harmless fun at his end, however I do not take it lightly. Wouldn't you find it a little weird if I started poking random men on your friends list? Your much younger brother,nephew, cousin etc?
Input......go!
Although I'm currently not dating cos I think men are stupid. I love men. I do. But I think I would love them more if they did not open their mouths at all, unless it is to kiss me or live under my skirt. ;-)
With the playoffs starting, men traditionally start growing their play off beards, and I could not be happier!! There is something ridiculously hot about men with "groomed" scruff. If it's unkempt, just keep walking, cos I will not want to do naughty things to you unless it's groomed. Men know this. They do. They can play stupid all they want, they know their hotness level rises during playoffs. Sidenote: If you're one of those girls who doesn't shave her legs or girlie bits during the playoffs, I'm sorry, we can no longer be friends.
Ok I'm way distracted by this. Back to the point of today's rant.
A few years back when the Douche and I were on a long break I was having much success with my online dating experiences. I met about a dozen men over that year, who today are still friends or acquaintances. One of them being Weiner. (ya we'll call him that). Hot, smart, had his own friends, hobbies, a life. Score! We met and couldn't hit it off. Something about him in person wouldn't let me take my guard down. When he realized we weren't going to be hooking up, the insults started. Shocked at the words that came out of his mouth. Of course I deleted him and moved on to other men.
After many discussions about his attitude towards me at times etc, we've remained facebook/msn pals. That's it. I haven't seen him in person since that first year. This past Wednesday was something new. I do not know if he had a psychotic break or just realized that he hates women. Maybe he just simply hates me. He got to the point of asking if I wanted to hook up etc and listed his demands if we did.
1) Wants a picture of us having sex sans condom.
2) He won't kiss me cos that's gross. Not just me, says he won't kiss any women.
3) And that he will LET me give him oral.
He just laid it all out there. I explained, that although temping, I would pass... for forever! He verbally assaulted me. Yup.
Cunt, prude, stupid idiot, were just a few of the things he called me. I stared at my computer screen blankly while trying to gauge if he thought he was being funny and I wasn't getting it (not the first time) or if really meant the things he was saying. You can call me a lot of names, but cunt will not be tolerated.
Him:
cunt
cunt
cunt
cunt
cunt
:)
cunt
cunt
cunt
;p
cunt
etc.......
Me:
I've asked you before not to call me that.
Him:
Geez you're a prude, it's just a fucking word. Cunt.
Me: I do not care.
Him:
fucking cunt.
Me: Bye Weiner. (deleted msn contact)
Him: Fine. I'll call you vagina!
vagina
vagina
vagina
etc........
Me: Ok, now that's funny!!!
Him: Are you a fucking stupid idiot? It's means the same thing!
Me: Cunt is vulgar and demeaning, vagina has humour to it.
He goes on to call more names etc.
Then it dawned on me. I do not have to put up with this. Not from anyone, nor anyone who deliberately goes out their way to belittle me for sport, does not deserve my time, energy, or a second though again. Especially when I've told him not to call me names. Are we 5 yrs old?
I guess he did not believe me. He spent the next hour on/off apologising and that he was joking. Regardless he took it too far. I told him I wasn't interested in playing games and that if he still needed that thrill to go find someone with less self esteem and dignity to play games with. More name calling ensued.
Walking away from the computer, I was mad at myself that I even continued to chat with him after he called me a cunt. What the hell was I thinking? I am not that girl who will put up with abuse. Not from anyone I know, and especially not from some guy I met 4 years ago and haven't done anything with since.
The part that saddens me is, he has been a really decent guy 90% of the time. But that 10% just over powers any good in him. He crossed over to the dark side. (and yes, he's a major Star Wars fan).
A few hours have past and it's been quiet. My cell phone starts going off with more name calling.
Starting to become enraged with him, I stepped down to his level and decided to fight fire with fire. Those who know me, know you've really pissed me off if I'm willing to fight dirty.
I gathered all our conversation history for the last 4 years, recent text msg's written verbatim, and all sexual pictures he's sent me of him with different women and sent them all to his girlfriend on facebook. (What? I'm not stupid. I keep ALL documentation when it comes to men online for occasions just like this. Best advise I was ever given from a cop I met online.) Yes he has a g/f, who he claims they are p/t swingers and she's fully aware and encourages his "outings". Oh ya, we'll see about that. File sent to her facebook account. Done in two emails.
Everything is time/stamped and dated. So he will have a very hard time explaining away when any of this took place. I feel bad for her if she is not aware etc. Looking back this might have been a harsh move on my part. I do not think 100% rationally when I'm livid like that. I do pick my battles and this is one I wasn't going to let go. If I didn't do it, he'd go on verbally abusing women, and will probably continue.
What is it about me that I attract these men. What vibe am I giving off that men think it's completely acceptable to talk or treat me like I do not matter or like I'm cattle? Seriously? I do not think I give out a desperate vibe. Is it cos I'm overweight and a lot of men to tend to think heavier women are more likely to be kinky etc cos that is the only way some of them can get any lovin? I've been told that by a few men, and although the majority of men will not admit it, a lot of more men think that way. Not winning.
Even while single, I'm losing faith in men as a species.
Another example to prove my point.
Yesterday: One of my cousins emails me on facebook and asks me who Richard is and why he is poking her? This is the same guy that rejected me last week when I hadn't implied any interest. Winning.
Conversation below.
Me:
Hey Rich,
Okay you've officially freaked out my little cousin (enter name) by poking her repeatedly on here. Please stop. If you're interested in anyone on my friends list, let me know and I'll let you know if they're at least of age!!!! Thanks :)
Rich:
I poked her. She poked me as well silly head and retuning the poke (2nd time) IS NOT REPEATEDLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! get it straight DRAMA!!
Of course I had to ask my obviously looking underage cousin if she did poke him back, and if so, stop. She was mad and upset. She had not poked him. Then I started to wonder how he got a hold of my friends list to start with. I have it blocked from all friends. Light bulb goes off when I realize I started a family list that is public to everyone until I changed the settings.
Me:
Drama? Really? When a 39 yr old man pokes an underage family member of mine that he doesn't know on facebook, I'm entitled to ask a few questions. You've made it very clear you're not interested in me but you thought it would acceptable to poke members of my family for fun? I'm sure you meant nothing by it, but you've freaked her out. Just do not poke her again, regardless if she pokes you. Thanks.
Rich:
Yup.
Me:
yup? I don't understand. What?
Rich:
YUP!
I've decided to leave it at all. Cousin has blocked him. (so thankful FB allows you to block people you're not friends with again You were not able to do so before) I've blocked him from seeing my family list.
Seriously, what has gotten into men? I've emailed the rest of my female family members to see if he poked anyone else. Waiting to hear back. If it turns out that he has, I will chew him a new ass and will ask everyone that he poked to report him. That is not normal behaviour. I'm sure it was harmless fun at his end, however I do not take it lightly. Wouldn't you find it a little weird if I started poking random men on your friends list? Your much younger brother,nephew, cousin etc?
Input......go!
Thursday, 14 April 2011
Accutane Side Effects and Solutions.
Lately I've been reading old blogs of people who blogged solely for the purpose of being on the tane. Who knew there was slang for those of us on it.
This morning I woke up with a certain amount of pain/burning on the top of my right hand. Of course I freaked out a little as I've had a history (2 times now) with bedbugs and nearly cried at the thought of laundering my whole apartment, the time, the money, the hassle, the emotional stress etc. Upon closer examining it, I realized these were not bites, but rash-like. I've never had a rash in my life, so I really do not know what one on my own body would look like. Going about my morning at 0545 washing my hands,face, teeth etc, and winced when water touched my hand. Inflamed, sore and burning, I cursed my body, my apartment, my life. Quickly realizing this might be a side effect of the tane. A quick google search proved that correct.
It's unsightly but not the end of the world. This might fall into the TMI for some of you, although I feel I have to document this for anyone who might find this blog while researching Accutane side effects etc. The rash is very mild, although it appearance is more like crusty, flaking small circular scabs. (goodbye love life) If it only ever shows up on my hand(s) I'll take it. I do not think I could manage if it showed up on my arms, legs, etc, with the summer months coming. Aka skirt/t-shirt/tan top season.
I thought I was winning the war against dryness on my body. My body says otherwise. I have a small arsenal kit of moisturising items with me at all times. In a little makeup kit. Thank gawd for travel size!!!!
This is my Accutane survival travel kit.
Vaseline Travel Size. - NEVER under estimate the power of this as a moisturizer for your whole body. Lips and inner nose especially. Lather it on!
Q-Tips To any sort of nasal ointment.
Ceralip by La Roche-Posay - for lips.
Awesome stuff. Vaseline works just as effectively if you're concerned about price. They also carry a whole line for people on medication/accutane etc.
Cetaphil - Eczema wash/moisturizer. Cheap and effective. helps calm the readiness a little.
Baby Oil Travel Size - Yes Baby oil.
When it's used correctly (applied to slightly damn skin) it works wonders and is NOT greasy. I can almost hear parts of my body say "aaaahhhh" when I apply it. I have a full size at home and the travel size at work.
Avene TriXera+Selectiose Emollient Cream. - Favorite body/face moisturizer
By far the best $35 you'll spend on moisturizer. And you only need 1/2 a pump to do you're whole face-twice. One full pump to do each leg etc.. It's worth the money. They also carry a whole line for people on medication/accutane etc.
Coppertone Waterbabies SPF 70 or higher. - Enough said. It is a must.
Of course those on Accutane know not to use any sort of exfoliant. And to PAT all your skin dry, do not rub. Anyone who'd made this mistake knows exactly what I'm talking about. It hurts.
My scalp is tender when I wash it. The whole process of washing my hair has decreased too. I have dry hair to begin with, seems dryer now. I usually wash my hair every 3-4 days as it is. Now, I actually "wash" it once a week. That's 7 days, ladies and gents. 7 whole days. I wet it and condition it often, but only apply shampoo once a week right now. I'm afraid if I did it more often, my hair would start to fall out.
This morning I woke up with a certain amount of pain/burning on the top of my right hand. Of course I freaked out a little as I've had a history (2 times now) with bedbugs and nearly cried at the thought of laundering my whole apartment, the time, the money, the hassle, the emotional stress etc. Upon closer examining it, I realized these were not bites, but rash-like. I've never had a rash in my life, so I really do not know what one on my own body would look like. Going about my morning at 0545 washing my hands,face, teeth etc, and winced when water touched my hand. Inflamed, sore and burning, I cursed my body, my apartment, my life. Quickly realizing this might be a side effect of the tane. A quick google search proved that correct.
It's unsightly but not the end of the world. This might fall into the TMI for some of you, although I feel I have to document this for anyone who might find this blog while researching Accutane side effects etc. The rash is very mild, although it appearance is more like crusty, flaking small circular scabs. (goodbye love life) If it only ever shows up on my hand(s) I'll take it. I do not think I could manage if it showed up on my arms, legs, etc, with the summer months coming. Aka skirt/t-shirt/tan top season.
I thought I was winning the war against dryness on my body. My body says otherwise. I have a small arsenal kit of moisturising items with me at all times. In a little makeup kit. Thank gawd for travel size!!!!
This is my Accutane survival travel kit.
Vaseline Travel Size. - NEVER under estimate the power of this as a moisturizer for your whole body. Lips and inner nose especially. Lather it on!
Q-Tips To any sort of nasal ointment.
Ceralip by La Roche-Posay - for lips.
Awesome stuff. Vaseline works just as effectively if you're concerned about price. They also carry a whole line for people on medication/accutane etc.
Cetaphil - Eczema wash/moisturizer. Cheap and effective. helps calm the readiness a little.
Baby Oil Travel Size - Yes Baby oil.
When it's used correctly (applied to slightly damn skin) it works wonders and is NOT greasy. I can almost hear parts of my body say "aaaahhhh" when I apply it. I have a full size at home and the travel size at work.
Avene TriXera+Selectiose Emollient Cream. - Favorite body/face moisturizer
By far the best $35 you'll spend on moisturizer. And you only need 1/2 a pump to do you're whole face-twice. One full pump to do each leg etc.. It's worth the money. They also carry a whole line for people on medication/accutane etc.
Coppertone Waterbabies SPF 70 or higher. - Enough said. It is a must.
Of course those on Accutane know not to use any sort of exfoliant. And to PAT all your skin dry, do not rub. Anyone who'd made this mistake knows exactly what I'm talking about. It hurts.
My scalp is tender when I wash it. The whole process of washing my hair has decreased too. I have dry hair to begin with, seems dryer now. I usually wash my hair every 3-4 days as it is. Now, I actually "wash" it once a week. That's 7 days, ladies and gents. 7 whole days. I wet it and condition it often, but only apply shampoo once a week right now. I'm afraid if I did it more often, my hair would start to fall out.
Wednesday, 13 April 2011
No More King Size Bed :-)
I’m giving the king-size bed back to my rep/friend I bought it from.
I haven’t finished paying for the lot of stuff I bought (tv, couch, bed, I also thought I would have finished paying for by now) and instead of buying a new bed (which she told me they already did) they asked if I was still not completely in love with it, and if so, they would take it back. So I’m giving it back. :)
Financially it’s better for me overall. King-size bedding is friggin expensive!!! Plus I still have a queen in the guestroom. Which will become my bed until I replace it, again, then putting it back in the guest room. Now I can save and buy a bed I look forward to sleeping in. Plus the king-size was really just too big for my needs. Want & Need… I wanted it, didn’t need it. Even though I tried to convince myself otherwise. Lol
Detoured again. That car I want has just been pushed back a few more months past it's goal date due to this. however, I do NEED a bed. A car is optional, the bed is not.
SR was nearly in tears as she spewed out what she said. I told her not to worry about it as it's been 6 months and I realllllllllly thought I'd have it paid in full by now. I'm a little embarrassed myself. It's a tie I guess.
They miss that bed enough to not purchase a new one and knowing that I'm financially strapped, they took a shot. Oh btw, they have been renovating their new house and staying with her brother, hence not needing the bed til now. Whatever their reasoning is, I'm a-okay to return the bed to them. I'm a wee bit relieved to tell you the truth.
Come June, I'll going to go to Sleep Country Canada and pick out a brand NEW bed. I was roughly 18 the last time I was in the possession of a brand new bed. Since then, I've been trading off with siblings when they buy new or buying from a g/f like this time. Kind of excited.
Of course I do not want to spend too much, however I do believe there are certain things in this world where the phrase, "you get what you pay for" truly applies. Beds being one of them.
The others being; tampons, runners, jeans, certain furniture, garbage bags, & contractors etc are a few more.
I'll leave you with that for now. :-)
I haven’t finished paying for the lot of stuff I bought (tv, couch, bed, I also thought I would have finished paying for by now) and instead of buying a new bed (which she told me they already did) they asked if I was still not completely in love with it, and if so, they would take it back. So I’m giving it back. :)
Financially it’s better for me overall. King-size bedding is friggin expensive!!! Plus I still have a queen in the guestroom. Which will become my bed until I replace it, again, then putting it back in the guest room. Now I can save and buy a bed I look forward to sleeping in. Plus the king-size was really just too big for my needs. Want & Need… I wanted it, didn’t need it. Even though I tried to convince myself otherwise. Lol
Detoured again. That car I want has just been pushed back a few more months past it's goal date due to this. however, I do NEED a bed. A car is optional, the bed is not.
SR was nearly in tears as she spewed out what she said. I told her not to worry about it as it's been 6 months and I realllllllllly thought I'd have it paid in full by now. I'm a little embarrassed myself. It's a tie I guess.
They miss that bed enough to not purchase a new one and knowing that I'm financially strapped, they took a shot. Oh btw, they have been renovating their new house and staying with her brother, hence not needing the bed til now. Whatever their reasoning is, I'm a-okay to return the bed to them. I'm a wee bit relieved to tell you the truth.
Come June, I'll going to go to Sleep Country Canada and pick out a brand NEW bed. I was roughly 18 the last time I was in the possession of a brand new bed. Since then, I've been trading off with siblings when they buy new or buying from a g/f like this time. Kind of excited.
Of course I do not want to spend too much, however I do believe there are certain things in this world where the phrase, "you get what you pay for" truly applies. Beds being one of them.
The others being; tampons, runners, jeans, certain furniture, garbage bags, & contractors etc are a few more.
I'll leave you with that for now. :-)
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
Follow Peter Shankman... The man is a genius!
I met Peter via his blog a few years back online. We've never met in person...yet. ;-)
However, he is one of the most brilliant men I've ever met.
He created HARO. 'Help A Reporter Out'. He takes what most people see has an annoyance, road block or brick wall and makes it work FOR him. A.D.H.D and all....or ADOS (Attention Deficit OH SHINY!) lol, still one of my favorite posts. Unfortunately the link to that post is no longer available or can not be found. You'll just have to take my word for it.
Throughout his blog, I learned I was already networking on different levels, just not utilizing it to it's fullest potential. I make it work for me now, in my social circle, and at work. I've met wonderful people from it, and introduced business connections to others etc, from one very basic rule; "Know Your Audience." Everyone you talk to is a potential client/friend/lover/ etc.. If not for you for someone else. In short, implementing some of his rules, I've upped my social life by coming out of my shell a bit more, and mingle a little more freely with a little less anxiety.
Check out his latest blog entry, and of course all those previous to it.
Facebook-and-email-are-not-distractions-but-necessities.
Or just run, yes run, out and buy one or both of his books.
Happy reading my favorite stalkers.
However, he is one of the most brilliant men I've ever met.
He created HARO. 'Help A Reporter Out'. He takes what most people see has an annoyance, road block or brick wall and makes it work FOR him. A.D.H.D and all....or ADOS (Attention Deficit OH SHINY!) lol, still one of my favorite posts. Unfortunately the link to that post is no longer available or can not be found. You'll just have to take my word for it.
Throughout his blog, I learned I was already networking on different levels, just not utilizing it to it's fullest potential. I make it work for me now, in my social circle, and at work. I've met wonderful people from it, and introduced business connections to others etc, from one very basic rule; "Know Your Audience." Everyone you talk to is a potential client/friend/lover/ etc.. If not for you for someone else. In short, implementing some of his rules, I've upped my social life by coming out of my shell a bit more, and mingle a little more freely with a little less anxiety.
Check out his latest blog entry, and of course all those previous to it.
Facebook-and-email-are-not-distractions-but-necessities.
Or just run, yes run, out and buy one or both of his books.
Happy reading my favorite stalkers.
Monday, 11 April 2011
Blog Break - Day 39 Accutane
As I'm adjusting to taking a double dose (80mg) of the meds, extreme fatigue has set in. I'm finding it harder to be active or just go out. I'm having bouts of nausea, complimented by aches and pains and pure exhaustion and the occasional mood swing, (sadness to very easily annoyed by the stupid) which is starting to occur with a little more frequency and word confusion. At times I find it difficult to think of a simple but accurate word to complete a coherent sentence at times. This IS a side effect and has to be noted. But I'm sure this shall all pass as I adjust to it.
In the mean time I'm finding it harder to blog, go out with friends etc. All I want to do is sleep. Eg: I got up at 1pm on Sunday and was napping on the couch by 1:30pm... next thing I knew it was almost 4pm. Total write off. I'm starting to understand why people grunt of sigh when they tell me of their experiences on Accutane. Everyone experiences different levels of nagging annoyances. Fatigue, dry skin, extreme chapped lips, do seem to be the regular complaint.
Small inconvenience for the greater good (repeat)... I must tell myself.
New entries may decrease for a bit. I'm realllllllllllly hoping that I'm able to adjust to feeling like pooh on and off for the next 6 months. However, if it becomes unbearable, I can advise the dermatologist I'd like to go back to the regular dosage. Etc.
I'll be blogging, just not daily.
:-)
In the mean time I'm finding it harder to blog, go out with friends etc. All I want to do is sleep. Eg: I got up at 1pm on Sunday and was napping on the couch by 1:30pm... next thing I knew it was almost 4pm. Total write off. I'm starting to understand why people grunt of sigh when they tell me of their experiences on Accutane. Everyone experiences different levels of nagging annoyances. Fatigue, dry skin, extreme chapped lips, do seem to be the regular complaint.
Small inconvenience for the greater good (repeat)... I must tell myself.
New entries may decrease for a bit. I'm realllllllllllly hoping that I'm able to adjust to feeling like pooh on and off for the next 6 months. However, if it becomes unbearable, I can advise the dermatologist I'd like to go back to the regular dosage. Etc.
I'll be blogging, just not daily.
:-)
Friday, 8 April 2011
Rejected by a stranger.
I'd like to say this is a first for me, however it's not. It happened once before years ago.
I recently connected with a guy I went to high school with. Although we did not know each other in high school, facebook and it's 'people you may know' section put us in touch. He's handsome, but in a aging like a good wine kind of way, not the *gasp* you're ridiculously hot way. He's not ugly.
We've been chatting it up very generically the last couple weeks. Covered what we've been up to since high school etc. It never crossed my mind once to flirt with him or inquire if he was single. Although we did learn that kind of stuff about each other. Even more so last week when he hit his head at work and ended up in hospital, twice, he asked me to keep him company on msn etc while he waited his turn to be seen. The second time I wasn't online with him, as it was thought he had a blood clot and might end up in surgery later that night etc. (Turned out everything is okay for now, but he's still in a lot of pain)
Last night was no different than any other conversation we've had. Except, I asked for his cell number (timing seemed right) to hangout and go do any of the assorted things we agreed we both like to do. As friends. At least I thought I implied it as friends.
Nope. He did not see it that way and abruptly ended our conversation online with:
"I only have talk on my cell no texting plan, plus I do not see anything "like that" happening between us. Game's starting! Have a nice night".
Me: Wow. I did not think we were heading in a "like that" direction, but thanks for making it very clear you're not interested, when I hadn't indicated anything.
Him: K. Chat soon. Bye. offline
Me: I don't think so. Night. He'll get that last message when he signs back on.
Okay, I've read and re-read our conversation history from day one. No where that I can see do I flirt with him or imply I'm interested in anything other than building a new rapport with someone I went to high school with 20 years ago. Until that very moment, he'd been polite, easy to chat with, open etc. It was easy. We talked about going to hockey games, music gigs and just chilling as friends with friends. No dates or romance were ever hinted at, by either of us. So wth?
I'm not going to bother asking him what was up with all that. I'm still shocked at the abruptness of it all, but do not care enough to inquire as I rejected from a man I wasn't romantically interested in, in the first place, not yet anyways.(never say never, right? Its a defiant never now...) Find Richard on msn...delete contact. Facebook..... I'll delete tonight. No point in staying in touch or keeping pleasantries after that.
I was rejected by someone I hadn't shown interest in. lol But at the same time a small part of me felt very insecure by the rejection "it's my weight" I thought for a moment. I had been deemed not good enough before we met. That's what my mind said for a moment, then I shook it off and decided he was not worth the emotion wasted for that short moment. It occurred to me that I am indeed lonely. And I blame my weight for part of it, and all the rest on myself for not being more diligent about losing it.
I recently connected with a guy I went to high school with. Although we did not know each other in high school, facebook and it's 'people you may know' section put us in touch. He's handsome, but in a aging like a good wine kind of way, not the *gasp* you're ridiculously hot way. He's not ugly.
We've been chatting it up very generically the last couple weeks. Covered what we've been up to since high school etc. It never crossed my mind once to flirt with him or inquire if he was single. Although we did learn that kind of stuff about each other. Even more so last week when he hit his head at work and ended up in hospital, twice, he asked me to keep him company on msn etc while he waited his turn to be seen. The second time I wasn't online with him, as it was thought he had a blood clot and might end up in surgery later that night etc. (Turned out everything is okay for now, but he's still in a lot of pain)
Last night was no different than any other conversation we've had. Except, I asked for his cell number (timing seemed right) to hangout and go do any of the assorted things we agreed we both like to do. As friends. At least I thought I implied it as friends.
Nope. He did not see it that way and abruptly ended our conversation online with:
"I only have talk on my cell no texting plan, plus I do not see anything "like that" happening between us. Game's starting! Have a nice night".
Me: Wow. I did not think we were heading in a "like that" direction, but thanks for making it very clear you're not interested, when I hadn't indicated anything.
Him: K. Chat soon. Bye. offline
Me: I don't think so. Night. He'll get that last message when he signs back on.
Okay, I've read and re-read our conversation history from day one. No where that I can see do I flirt with him or imply I'm interested in anything other than building a new rapport with someone I went to high school with 20 years ago. Until that very moment, he'd been polite, easy to chat with, open etc. It was easy. We talked about going to hockey games, music gigs and just chilling as friends with friends. No dates or romance were ever hinted at, by either of us. So wth?
I'm not going to bother asking him what was up with all that. I'm still shocked at the abruptness of it all, but do not care enough to inquire as I rejected from a man I wasn't romantically interested in, in the first place, not yet anyways.(never say never, right? Its a defiant never now...) Find Richard on msn...delete contact. Facebook..... I'll delete tonight. No point in staying in touch or keeping pleasantries after that.
I was rejected by someone I hadn't shown interest in. lol But at the same time a small part of me felt very insecure by the rejection "it's my weight" I thought for a moment. I had been deemed not good enough before we met. That's what my mind said for a moment, then I shook it off and decided he was not worth the emotion wasted for that short moment. It occurred to me that I am indeed lonely. And I blame my weight for part of it, and all the rest on myself for not being more diligent about losing it.
Thursday, 7 April 2011
He Started It...
A Bitch Called Mom wrote a blog today that made me laugh and reminded me of a time some guy in a bar not too many years ago (before the large weight gain) groped me.
We'll call him MB for Man Boy and of course Me for ME.
MB: places his hand on my bum with a certain firmness.
Me: Looking shocked then annoyed at his smugness.
I gently grabbed a hold of his manhood and smiled back with the same smugness.
MB: looking fiercely shocked....he replied, "WTF BITCH?"
Me: What? Squeezing his manhood a little... What the hell in the world told you it was okay to put your ugly paws on me uninvited like that would somehow swoon me like some random pickup line and I wouldn't return the pleasantries?
MB: Looking shocked, & his friends laughing their asses off.
Me: "I thought so", (released him and smiled)"have a nice night".
His friends ended up sitting with us the rest of the night, not sure where MB ended up but I do not think he will ever put his paws on another woman uninvited again. lol
We'll call him MB for Man Boy and of course Me for ME.
MB: places his hand on my bum with a certain firmness.
Me: Looking shocked then annoyed at his smugness.
I gently grabbed a hold of his manhood and smiled back with the same smugness.
MB: looking fiercely shocked....he replied, "WTF BITCH?"
Me: What? Squeezing his manhood a little... What the hell in the world told you it was okay to put your ugly paws on me uninvited like that would somehow swoon me like some random pickup line and I wouldn't return the pleasantries?
MB: Looking shocked, & his friends laughing their asses off.
Me: "I thought so", (released him and smiled)"have a nice night".
His friends ended up sitting with us the rest of the night, not sure where MB ended up but I do not think he will ever put his paws on another woman uninvited again. lol
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
Day 32 Accutane
Since the last time we spoke, I have since been approved for two more months of taking this pill at a double dose!
We're on Day 32. And whilst it's only been two days on double dose, I'm already noticing some slight changes in the side effects. Okay maybe not so slight. My nose will not stop bleeding! It was a very slight bleed before, mostly when I had to blow my nose I would notice it. Now, its like the faucet was turned on a little more and it won't stop running. It's like having a cold without the snot. :( The aches and pains are a little more noticeable than before, and I'm not sleeping all that great neither. :( I'm sure it will all adjust and this too shall pass.
Dryness of the lips is different too. Before it was just a little dry, now my mouth is over producing saliva (I swear it is) and my mouth and lips feel cakey. Like I haven't been able to wipe something off my mouth. FUN! Waaa waaa waaa. Its just new. I'll adjust and make changes in my hydration routine.
Side note: when lubricating your nose first thing in the morning, make sure it's Vaseline and not Polysporin. OUCH! It does no harm, but you feel the difference. Make sure you're AWAKE!
Ok my favorite stalkers, I'm going home, taking a bubble bath, (although getting undressed, running water, getting into the tub, getting out and dressed again, takes way more energy than I am capable of right now) make a light dinner and go to bed. Before 9pm preferably. Shut up, don't judge me.
Til then... XXX
We're on Day 32. And whilst it's only been two days on double dose, I'm already noticing some slight changes in the side effects. Okay maybe not so slight. My nose will not stop bleeding! It was a very slight bleed before, mostly when I had to blow my nose I would notice it. Now, its like the faucet was turned on a little more and it won't stop running. It's like having a cold without the snot. :( The aches and pains are a little more noticeable than before, and I'm not sleeping all that great neither. :( I'm sure it will all adjust and this too shall pass.
Dryness of the lips is different too. Before it was just a little dry, now my mouth is over producing saliva (I swear it is) and my mouth and lips feel cakey. Like I haven't been able to wipe something off my mouth. FUN! Waaa waaa waaa. Its just new. I'll adjust and make changes in my hydration routine.
Side note: when lubricating your nose first thing in the morning, make sure it's Vaseline and not Polysporin. OUCH! It does no harm, but you feel the difference. Make sure you're AWAKE!
Ok my favorite stalkers, I'm going home, taking a bubble bath, (although getting undressed, running water, getting into the tub, getting out and dressed again, takes way more energy than I am capable of right now) make a light dinner and go to bed. Before 9pm preferably. Shut up, don't judge me.
Til then... XXX
Tuesday, 5 April 2011
1 Down, 4 To Go.
I survived a 13 minute call with my sister TracEy (don't forget the E cos she will go friggin ballistic on you) and did not want to kill her, or myself at the end of the call. That would be a SUCCESS!
This particular sister is a treat. A treat I tell you! They broke the mold with her, and not in a good way. We refer to her as Marcy Darcy. You know, from Married with Children.... The Annoying little neighbour? That is my sister TracEy. From the hair cut, to the patronizing looking down her nose at you voice, the wardrobe etc...Can't make this shit up. That is my sister. This may sound harsh, but I am so glad she saved the world from more of her by choosing not to reproduce. Woot! You're Welcome World. At the end of tax season we have tentative plans for lunch. We'll see.
If you've been reading me for a while, you know I am not close with my siblings. They are 5 of them and all much older than myself. Second youngest to oldest range from 12 years to 19 years older. I grew up as the baby and the only child. I was spoiled in ways as I did not have share anything. I did not have hand-me-downs. I did not have to share a room, I got to play sports every year etc. There was is a lot of animosity towards me. Although they will all claim there is not, they way they talk down to me, treat me and dismiss my concerns, speak much louder than them claiming they like me, never mind love me. Read here and here
Ok back on track here.
I'm not sure what came over me this past week. I've been having all sorts of dreams that involved my childhood, memories I've repressed, although not bad memories I haven't thought about them in some time, or ever. This prompted me yesterday, without thinking to call 4 siblings, 1 niece, 1 cousin.
Results. 3 messages left, 2 conversations had. 1 no answer. I have one brother I won't bother with. He never returns the effort. I have no problems with him, we touch base every year but that's it.
Not sure how any of these contacts will result with anything positive, and not even sure why I'm doing it.
Maybe cos I'm in a place where I'm done trying to get their approval, have been for a long time.
I'll leave you here now, as I'm still trying to make sense of what prompted myself to ever call them after all the years of being blown off.
This particular sister is a treat. A treat I tell you! They broke the mold with her, and not in a good way. We refer to her as Marcy Darcy. You know, from Married with Children.... The Annoying little neighbour? That is my sister TracEy. From the hair cut, to the patronizing looking down her nose at you voice, the wardrobe etc...Can't make this shit up. That is my sister. This may sound harsh, but I am so glad she saved the world from more of her by choosing not to reproduce. Woot! You're Welcome World. At the end of tax season we have tentative plans for lunch. We'll see.
If you've been reading me for a while, you know I am not close with my siblings. They are 5 of them and all much older than myself. Second youngest to oldest range from 12 years to 19 years older. I grew up as the baby and the only child. I was spoiled in ways as I did not have share anything. I did not have hand-me-downs. I did not have to share a room, I got to play sports every year etc. There was is a lot of animosity towards me. Although they will all claim there is not, they way they talk down to me, treat me and dismiss my concerns, speak much louder than them claiming they like me, never mind love me. Read here and here
Ok back on track here.
I'm not sure what came over me this past week. I've been having all sorts of dreams that involved my childhood, memories I've repressed, although not bad memories I haven't thought about them in some time, or ever. This prompted me yesterday, without thinking to call 4 siblings, 1 niece, 1 cousin.
Results. 3 messages left, 2 conversations had. 1 no answer. I have one brother I won't bother with. He never returns the effort. I have no problems with him, we touch base every year but that's it.
Not sure how any of these contacts will result with anything positive, and not even sure why I'm doing it.
Maybe cos I'm in a place where I'm done trying to get their approval, have been for a long time.
I'll leave you here now, as I'm still trying to make sense of what prompted myself to ever call them after all the years of being blown off.
Monday, 4 April 2011
Sourpuss
I am miserable this morning. I really should have stayed home.
I was in a perfect mood this morning until I got off the bus with a co worker.
We work on a busy thur road. For those of you that do not know what that is, its a friggin busy street used by large trucks and semi's that are not allowed to use the regular business routes due to weight and height restrictions etc.
Anywhoo, this co worker saw a semi coming around the blind corner and ran out in front of it!!!! In the rain! This is the second time she's done this in the last few months that I've been witness too. What pissed me off even more, is when I yelled at her at the office (okay not yelled but was mega pissed and shaken up by by the reality of what almost occurred)....she giggled and shrugged her shoulders.
ARRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
The frustration in that is enough to make me cry.
She has a family, a husband and two kids and see absolutely NOTHING wrong with how close she came to getting smoked by a semi doing easily 70 km (that's 44 miles) on a corner where he could not see her. We can see the headlights on the median. I tried to explain to her, semi's do not stop on a dime like cars can. He would have been another few hundred feet past us by the time he could come to a complete stop after dragging her body with him. Again, she shrugs. And then wonders why I'm so worked up. "Nothing happened", she said. "This time." I uttered as I walked away so I wouldn't shake the stupidity out of her.
It's set the mood for today. The thought that she could be so careless with her life. And for my own selfishness that I do not want to claim her body or what I would have seen. So yes, I'm a little shaken up and riled up as she giggled at the situation. It's harden me a little today. How or why should I care the next time it happens and she does get hit. Should I just shrug and giggle?
I want a do over on this morning.
I was in a perfect mood this morning until I got off the bus with a co worker.
We work on a busy thur road. For those of you that do not know what that is, its a friggin busy street used by large trucks and semi's that are not allowed to use the regular business routes due to weight and height restrictions etc.
Anywhoo, this co worker saw a semi coming around the blind corner and ran out in front of it!!!! In the rain! This is the second time she's done this in the last few months that I've been witness too. What pissed me off even more, is when I yelled at her at the office (okay not yelled but was mega pissed and shaken up by by the reality of what almost occurred)....she giggled and shrugged her shoulders.
ARRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
The frustration in that is enough to make me cry.
She has a family, a husband and two kids and see absolutely NOTHING wrong with how close she came to getting smoked by a semi doing easily 70 km (that's 44 miles) on a corner where he could not see her. We can see the headlights on the median. I tried to explain to her, semi's do not stop on a dime like cars can. He would have been another few hundred feet past us by the time he could come to a complete stop after dragging her body with him. Again, she shrugs. And then wonders why I'm so worked up. "Nothing happened", she said. "This time." I uttered as I walked away so I wouldn't shake the stupidity out of her.
It's set the mood for today. The thought that she could be so careless with her life. And for my own selfishness that I do not want to claim her body or what I would have seen. So yes, I'm a little shaken up and riled up as she giggled at the situation. It's harden me a little today. How or why should I care the next time it happens and she does get hit. Should I just shrug and giggle?
I want a do over on this morning.
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