Who needs a paint drop cloth? Not me!

Ms. Elizabeth Singleton would be so proud. I'm painting my apartment.
Sort of.

I changed the knobs on both bedrooms, replacing them with ones with locks.
As I pried the old knobs off, I realized someone painted over the rims instead of removing them before painting. I hate that.  Making the new knobs look ridiculous.

Off to the paint store!
$70 later and I have a $40 gallon of paint and preimer in one, and a starter kit to paint the trims and all the doors/closets in my apartment.  Doors are off, washed, puttied, sanded and waiting to be painted.

At this point I have a drop cloth down, and after spilling a little excess, I stepped in it. Bare foot. lol  After finishing the first trim coat on all the doors, I bent over and backed my ass into the wet white paint. While wearing panties, not pants. geez. Having the drop cloth turned out to be more hassle than help. Though I managed to get much paint on my hands, apparently I'm sloppy.

Will finished the second coat tomorrow. I'll do the doors and hook everything back up. If I have company in the next day or two, they will using the loo without a door. Hope they're not bashful. ;-)

Hopefully tomorrow will be easier and less messy. :)

FYI - painting in panties is much cooler on a hot day.

I'm taking in a temporary houseguest/roommate.

Yup.
A friend caught me on chat tonight, wanting to know if I would rent my spare room to him for 3 months. September 1 - November 30/11.

After much chatting, discussions, and rules, I've agreed to the proposed arrangements upon meeting in person. I explained my hesitation due to the last horrible roommates I've had. I'm not an easy person to live with. Okay, not true. I am super easy to live with, as long as you're not disrespecting me, the rules (smoke outside, respect the noise levels after a certain hour and my stuff/apt).

I'm charging him $400. I was going to offer $300 for the room, until he mentioned he was paying 400 at the last place he stayed at.  I don't feel okay charging him 1/2 the rent for just a room.  Everything is included except, internet and food.  I already pay the bills for my own usage. Having him here for a few hours a night (when he's not working 14 hour days as an environmentalist) won't change how much the bills are.

He has a g/f! Bonus!
I've insisted she comes over often.  I do not need another g/f excusing me of being a home wrecker.  I want her to feel comfortable with him being here.  Normally I wouldn't care, I just do not have the energy for any drama.

Wish me luck!
I could really use this extra income to help with my trip next year.

p.s.
Since my past experience leaves a sour taste in my mouth, I think I'll put a new door handle on my bedroom door. One with a lock.

F#$%&@ You Accutane! 4.5 months.

It happened so gradually I didn't even feel it til the day before last.
I have dry eyes. Wait, according to my optometrist, I have severely dry eyes.

Day before last I was poking at my one eye a little. It looked as though I might have contracted pink-eye. Though it didn't hurt, or goop the way it should etc. Then thought, maybe I scratched the cornea or something stupid like that. For the last two months, I did notice my eyes felt a little irritate at night. Thought it was our on/off again summer or stupid allergies.

I have severely blocked eye lid ducts.  Fuck you Accutane.
He gave me a cleaning ritual with special eye lid wipes, hot compresses and drops (4x a day) Think of the way you would unclog a pimple or a boil. Same idea here, but with my eyes.  They don't hurt, but feel like I have one giant sty in my eye. :(
(ya that wasn't meant to rhyme).

He did the first treatment there in the office chair. Absolute bliss! I could feel my eyes say "ahhhhh thank you" as they were cleaned and lubricated properly.

So let's recap my restrictions again while on this drug.
*No sun.
*No alcohol.
*No Sex (unless taking a secondary birth control)
*NO EYE MAKEUP!..moving forward
FML. Kill me now. 
You've taken away the last thing that makes me feel pretty on the outside.
Or even human for that matter.

Mascara is not a optional choice for most women, its a necessity!
I have blonde lashes, red hair(naturally), extremely fair skin, and do not tan.
I look like a walking zombie!

I hate you Accutane.
You better make my skin immaculately amazing! just sayin.

Learn To Use Facebook Status/Wall Properly....Geez

You would think that a Senior Art Designer/Director at thee largest video game company in the world, (now working for a small company in Montreal) would know a thing or two about basic facebook usage....

Meet my ex. My first real love. JW.
We dated for 8 yrs and been in touch monthly.or.every.other.month.in.the.last.13 yrs without fail.  He lives in another province now with his wife. Who btw, hates anyone associated with his past. Friend. Girlfriend. Old Boss, etc. doesn't matter. If you're part of his past, you're dead to her. 

This is the behaviour of a doctor who specializes in Epidemiology/Medicine. My point of mentioning that, she's super smart, should be level headed, rational etc, and yet, acts like a child when it comes to her husbands past relationships. Takes all kinds I guess.

He wrote on his FB status that he'd be "In Vancouver July 23rd - 27th!"
"Sweet!" Or so I thought.

Sent him a quick private message asking what he was in town for (family is here) business or pleasure etc and if he wanted to meet up for coffee.  Nothing out of the ordinary, as any other time he's been here, we've met up.

Here's our email conversation.

Just Saying:
Hey!

How long are you in Vancouver for? Business/pleasure?
Coffee before you leave?
778-XXX-XXXX..

Jw:

Couple of days. Won't work unfortunately. How do u know I'm in van?

Just Sayin:
Another time then.
Is a secret you're in town?...

Jw:

Heh no.

But I haven't posted anything about being here at all, so was curious how you know...

Just Sayin:

You updated your facebook status a few days ago to say you'd be here July 23-27th.

Jw:

Oh. Sorry I can't. There won't be enough time.

As I went to reply to this message, I discovered he deleted me. Then learned about a dozen more from our circle here in town, as they one by one started chatter on their walls.

Just Sayin:

Really Jw? Was it necessary to delete me? And the rest of the group?

As for not having posted anything... what do you think the facebook wall/status is for? It let's every.single.person. on your friends list know what you're up too.

Hope the move (amusingly) back to town goes smoothly. It should feel like moving to a new town again, not knowing anyone, having to make new friends, etc.

I doubt I will ever get another reply. Though from past history of dealing with his wife (g/f at the time) this would indicate that they're moving back to town.  Once I feel as though I've been kicked in the crotch and spit on for no apparent reason, I will not spare your feelings and will give you an unnecessary jab in return.

What? I never said I was mature.

Must suck not to have any balls, or a spine.

I could understand if say... I were a phsyco ex-girlfriend, or the group of us friends were planning his demise, sure, by all means then, delete us. But to do it cos a few of got excited to see him?

Simply wow.

If it had been anyone else, I might think I had done something to provoke it.

This time, it's all him.

The Monsters Den

She went back.

I got the email an hour ago from LC (old house guest).
"things are okay. I'm moving back into the house this weekend.  Separate floors etc"

I broke down. I didn't know what else to do.  She's moving from the women's shelter she's been in for the last week or so, and into the house with the monster who has
1- closed fist punched her, bouncing her off a wall, and dislocating her jaw the first time. 2 - less than 3 weeks later, I received an email that it happened again and she's in a shelter. 

Someone please tell me why in the name of God (yes God) would she go back?
I'm surprised the shelter didn't call the ministry and have the kids placed into foster care. Sure its unfortunate they would be separated etc, but it would be the first step of breaking the cycle. She can tell the kids all she wants that "this is not how you let someone treat you" etc.. sadly, until she starts to lead by example, her girls I have no doubt will be smacked around by boyfriends in their coming years.

I'm sadly preparing myself for a future, for a life without my best friend of 24 years... Yes we have our issues, but they're back burner right now. 

It saddens me with great regret that the next time this happens, she won't get up off the ground. It will end her life.  If she's still alive by our 40th/41st birthdays, I'll be seriously surprised and will buy a lottery ticket. Morbid? Maybe. Though it will be a miracle if she survives another 2 years on this planet living in the same house as this monster.

It's hard to sit by knowing there is nothing I can do but to wait for that call. The call learning her life is over. The abuse is over. Then what? Does he move onto the kids? I even doubt he would ever physically harm them, and a despise the man. The damage he's done to them via their mum will be a lifetime of therapy already. 

All I can say is that having Ativan on hand today was a blessing.
Anyone know how much Ativan you have to take before you get a good high on?
I've told to take .5mg -1.5mg, up to three times a day as needed.  I've only taken 1mg.

Work. Identity Theft. Professional Counselling.

A few weeks ago I went to my boss emotionally upset (thanks Elizabeth Singleton) to explain my frustrations about my work load and its lack there of.

Being emotional seemed to have worked this time! In the past I'd go into her office, with ambitions of taking on more responsibilities etc, and would end up with less... every time.

This time, it didn't work against me. Granted the amount of work I'm gaining is still very small, but coming to me in more frequent intervals. I'll take it!

~~~~
Currently searching for a counsellor to chat with on a regular basis.  I thought I had one near my house, however it seems, NO ONE works Fridays. NO ONE!  I guess if I'm serious about seeking professional counselling, I'll make it work. Though I'll exhaust all my options (mostly distance from work and home, and if they work Friday's or not).  If all else fails, I'll chose someone from my neighbourhood. At least that way when I'm done, it's a 3 minute walk home, not an hour bus ride etc.

~~~~~

Random.
We're most likely going to be moving with a new coffee vendor at work. Most of the office seems to like the new stuff. However there is always one person in the mix, that even though she doesn't even drink the coffee, will continue to influence others that SHE thinks it's a waste of time and money etc.

Funny. Since I wrote the proposal and only the Controller, VP and CFO are aware of the new (btw considerably cheaper) prices.

I spoke with her about it today. She voiced her opinion, "I don't care, I don't drink it, but I think it's a waste of money, and the container it comes in, can't be healthy." What is healthy for us these days? I simply told her "Don't drink it, or concern yourself with it then.... "  I'll make note of it, but let others make their own opinions as there are a lot of people in the building who happen to like it, so far.

Sidenote: what you need to know about this person. She's a sweet person, I'm sure. But lives in a little bubble where her opinion is the only opinion. Which is often given with a scoffed tone. I look forward to the day when she has babies, has a child in school, has fund raisers, works for another company etc and her little bubble about life, the world, fund raisers for kids/schools, and other random things life throws at you, is abruptly busted. 

We have 60-70 people in the office and really, in the end, only TWO opinions matter when it comes to whether we switch or not. The Prez and VP. Period.

I'm slightly annoyed that I put this work into the costing etc, on request from several people, and with one very influential person, it can be undermined with a quick, flippant opinion. Just like that. In reality, it's probably not a big deal. I'm proud about the work I did on it, considering it was my first proposal of any sort.

We'll see in a few days I guess. 
But seriously, stop telling people the new coffee is shit when you don't drink it.

~~~~~~~~~~

Random.
If I say this out loud, again, it will come.
I haven't had my period this month. It's now officially 10 days late.
That should do it. It should arrive any day now... :)

~~~~~~~

Some possible identity fraud has been attempted recently under my name.
Someone applied for a credit card, online, for a card I already have. Prompted to answer some "trick questions", they got a few wrong. This thankfully flagged my credit card company and a bureau to contact me.

I've cancelled my cards, changing my bank accounts/cheques etc. Called all the gov't dept I had to call regarding my SIN #, Birth Cert, Care Card, the police etc.
Everything with my name attached has been flagged with a "fraud alert".

Thankfully, my credit is still building and not good enough for anyone to really make any progress on stealing my identity, as far as my credit is concerned. But it makes me look like a credit chaser. An investigation from the financial bureau that monitors our credit scores etc, has been opened. Once they're able to prove I did not apply for a card I already have, they will reverse the ding against my credit.

It's a lengthy process from what I've been told. *sigh*. So easy to take my identity and yet it's a race against time and whomever is trying to be me, to prove I am who I say I am. Needless to say, it was a long 24 hours.

Now that I've done everything I possibly can. I received a notice that my new card will also have a new limit!. YAY ME! Credit is-a-building.

~~~~~~~~

That is all.

I look 12 years old.

I got my hair cut on Friday. I hadn't planned for a cut, only a deep conditioning to help keep having my blonde hair healthy.  One thing lead to another, and I now have short hair, (psst. S&P, its maybe shorter than yours) WITH BANGS!!!!!  :(

Not overly thrilled, but it WILL GROW BACK!  I have a feeling though, that once it starts to grow out, it will grow into a great cut. In all honesty, it probably needed to be chopped off. I hate the thought of having bad salad hair when I'm blonde....

....BUT I LOOK 12! :(

On another note, I think bangs might be in for later summer/fall. 3 other co-workers walked in with bangs, while I was writing this and doing other things.

Ranting Down; Funny Stuff Up.

On the advice of Caleb@ The Blog Experiment and Single & Picky,  I'm going to leave the issues I'm going to be working thru in the shrinks office.

In the wise, simple, and uncomplicated words of Caleb: "Better to keep the ranting down, and the funny stuff up." I guess that means I might have to let you into my warped brain of off kilter thoughts and humour.

I will attempt to keep the funny up, and the Debbie Downer ranting down.  Updates as to how the process is coming along will be blogged, though not in huge novel entries etc.

Suggestions for maybe a gimmick?

• Joke of the week?
• Embarrassing story of the week? *Story submissions are most welcome. Your name can be left anonymous if requested. Otherwise I'm leaving it in there. Who can beat this story?

Stuff like that.... input?

Ketchup ....Weird foods

Ketchup is one of those weird foods. Ya call me crazy, but I think ketchup is weird.

Ok, Ms. Elizabeth Singleton... before you start on me, I still haven't tried any real Italian food, yet.

I'll just keep this simple. The list below is a group of foods I will not eat, you will not find in my house.

WILL NOT EAT.

• Ketchup - weird. I wont ask for food without it, but I'll never add it to my food and you won't find it in my house.
• Marshmallows - even weirder.
• Popcorn - smells like rotting feet and ass! Yes I know what ass smells like. Thanks Douche.
• Whip Cream
• Ice Cream - that's more of a dietary restriction than a dislike.
• Head, Iceberg, Wild Lettuce - Huge dietary restriction. (spinach cooked is fine, haven't tried it raw in a year or two).
• French Fries - ever wait to see how long it takes one to get moldy? It doesn't. Plus they always make me feel gross and sick afterwards. (Poutine excluded - emotional comfort food)
• Ice in my drinks. - Ya right, like I'm going to trust any company to switch out their water lines when they're suppose too. Imagine the sludge the water has to pass thru first before it becomes ice in your drink???? No Thanks. I have frosted mugs in my freezer at all times. No Ice.
• Anything that is sitting out in slop trays waiting to be served. (Donair meats excluded- I didn't know until recently that its constantly cooking as you shave off the layers)

What foods will not eat out of dislike and/or dietary restrictions?........GO!

Accutane Update - 4 months and counting

I came to realize recently a common factor in all the accutane blogs I read.... there isn't one update after 4 months. Only that they finished the cycle.  I'm 4 months 2weeks in. 2.5 months left!!!!

By now, I'm use to the aches and pains, and although they move around, so its consistently a "new" pain to get use too. Random sleepless nights, bouts of heavy depression,  and I've adapted to the dryness of my skin, lips, occasionally the lady bits, and my hair. 

I'm coming up on 2 full weeks, since the last time I actually put shampoo in my hair. I wet and condition it often, but actual shampoo? Not a friggin chance! I think it's the only thing preventing my hair from thinning. I'll wash it when it accumulates enough oil to actually make my hair dirty. Even with the Moroccan Oil, and other Redken Products, I still do not feel the need to wash my hair.

I'm gaining weight, and have a problem with my right arm which is being looked at on the 19th. The arm pain (feels like its broken) could be a result/side effect of the accutane. As the weeks go by it's harder to lift the arm or twist it in every day activities without it feeling like it could snap off at any point.  I'd welcome that idea if the pain would go away and I'd have full use of my arm again.

Overall, I've adjusted to taking this stupid pill. My thoughts on the end result? I'm still going to having reoccurring hormonal acne. I get it even now while taking the Accutane.  End result, I will not take this cycle again. I'm over it. The depression is a work of art.  It is a side effect, and when I'm feeling all blah (which seems to be more often than not) I tell myself it's the pills, and this will all be over in September. :) It seems to help me cope a bit. 

I can see the light at the end of this cycle and simply.can.not.wait.

Single & Picky, and I hung out Saturday, and I tell ya, can we gab!  Good times for such a low key afternoon.  P.S. Loving the jam!!! Yum! Thanks!

During out visit and many many topics we covered, I made silent notes to myself about what to talk about to my new shrink...(when I finally locate one I like).  I have trust issues.  You readers may have already known this about me. I however, just admitted it to myself for the first time ever. I do. Have trust issues. And am determined to get help with that.

Where is all stems from is the other question. Is it being overly observant at times, being able to call bullshit, or being a pessimist and I look for it, so it finds me? Was there some event of mass deception that I'm unable to recall?

Regardless, I don't trust many people.  I like to think I do until you give me a reason not too, though I don't think that's all that honest either.

I whole heartily trust a few people.

That's all I'm going to say about it for now, cos I really think it's something I need to work on in private.

Can't Fix Stupid, Dumb Dumb.

Random blogging...

Below is an email i shot out to the managers of the staff who came so unmentionable close to losing their lives that morning.

The whole story still gets me rilled up.
This happened a few months ago during our rainy season.
I've never been so livid at the level of stupidity of one person.



S&R:

Please remind your staff (specifically Shithead* and A* this morning) if they’re going to cross the street in front of traffic on a blind corner, at least make the effort to run!

A* at least made the effort to run off the road when she saw the cars. Shithead* however, sauntered extra slow to challenge the cars as they came to a sliding stop on a blind corner (in the rain- less than 6 feet from him) as he laughed at the cars as though he was making a point of "see I can make you stop".

Maybe ask them if it’s the new cool to be extra stupid? Especially when one of them has children that is trying to get visitation rights. Good luck with that!

Strongly suggest if they’re going to play chicken with traffic and do manage to get hit, cos one can only assume that is the goal, that they’re doing it illegally, (drivers wont be held responsible for killing them) and that there is a overpass less than 25 yards down the road *gasp*  that might actually save their lives!!!

Should I witnessed it again in the future, I will side as witness for the drivers. Who if successfully hit and injure them, will have to live with the haunting memories of that the rest of their lives. Not to mention that I would have to identify dismembered, squished bodies!

Had today’s traffic been a truck of any sort, both of them would be dead. Instantly.

Yes I know I cross that road too, but I also wait to make sure no cars are coming. I don’t saunter out in front of them assuming they can or will stop.

Not sure if the company would be responsible for any kind of insurance etc should one of them come that close again. (Turns out as they weren't on company property, the company isn't held liable and I could have let loose on them directly rather than sending this email.)

P.S.
Today was way closer to ending Shithead's* life, than the day C* recently ran in front of a semi without looking. At least she ran.

If what happened a few moments ago is any indication of the stupidity you work with, you’re both saints.

Just Saying.

We let Shithead* go a few days later, and learned two weeks after that, he got hit by a car while crossing the road.

Don't you just love karma?

Actions Over Words

Diary Of Why wrote this most excellent eye opener today.

And before I could finish reading it, I was preparing an email in my head to a guy I'm having the exact same relationship with.

Hey_________

Will make this short and to the point so you're not to be confused or misinterpret what I mean.

I like you. I've made it clear. Your feelings are mutual, you claim.
So for the love of gawd, drop the bullshit games.  Stop stringing me along for attention to make yourself feel better. When you call me, wait, you never do that.... Texting me to just chat is one thing.  Texting with invitations and then immediately re-nag it when I get on board or excited to see you is another.

You really want to see me? You'll make it happen. You want to hang out and do all the things we chat about. Make it happen. Otherwise your word has absolutely no value to me.

When did you turn into that guy? What happened to your common courtesy and integrity your prided yourself with and that I had once praised you for having over men my own age? 

If you're an attention whore, then go find some 20 something girl who will put up with it. You gave me your reasons why you like me soo, yet your actions say a whole other story.

Do not give me the "I'm so busy with work, but I'd really like to see you" excuse. It's bullshit. We're all busy. If you're going to lie to me, get better at it. Or keep a spreadsheet of what lies you're telling to whomever. Telling me about other plans you forgot about etc, after you said you were working "out of town" cos it just makes you look bad, and disrespectful.

Want to hang out?  Don't call me if you have no intentions of following through.

If I wanted to be disrespected and played, I'd still be with the ex, not a guy who proposed we start dating casually again after a few years of being in separate relationships. If casually dating me to fill the time (what we agreed on) is no longer what you have in mind, then be honest about it with me and yourself.

Just Sayin.

We've been through this a few times, and he really doesn't like women being upset with him.  I simply do not care anymore. I no longer put any stock into his invites, and have stopped replying to some all together.  Why continue to humour his empty invites?
If he stepped up, I'd be thrilled, cos when he's on his game, his super awesome to hang with. Not clingy, or any more drama than anyone else. Doesn't talk or check his cell phone on dates. If he has too, he mentions it before hand and excuses himself.

So to have this guy turn 360 into a douche bag in the last year, makes me sad.
In the past, he had no problem calling, yes calling to say, hey lets just chill tonight with a movie etc. But now, it's early morning text messages with promises of hanging out in the kitchen while cooking together, or going out etc, followed by text messages almost 4 hours afterwards (its almost always exactly 4 hours later when the "I'm sorry" texts start) of "possibly" having to cancel cos of x, y,z, blah blah blah.

I know my email sounds harsh and out of the blue. It's not. Though it's the only way I know how to make it clear (tact not included) I'm not interested in being jerked around further.

His repsonse will follow quickly, with a sincere heart felt apology. But it's what you do after the apology that matters. Actions over words.

I'm Sooooo Shallow or Brilliant!

I applied for a new job last week with the city animal shelter.  This is NOT the SPCA. It's the local city pound. Which is part of the city bylaws department.

The pay is good, plus full benefits etc.  Thought it was a little backwards how they're screening people though.

*The posting closed June 27th.
*Wednesday I received a very short notice call to come to an "interview" that night.
*Advising I wasn't dressed appropriately for an interview, the guy on the other end of the phone said not to worry as he was wearing jeans and a hoody. Um ok.
*When I got there, there were 40 people and counting. 68 by the time the "interview" started. 
*What kind of interview has 68 people in it, all dressed inappropriately to be interviewed.

During this interview you quickly realize within seconds that it's a job orientation,

NOT an INTERVIEW!

I hate when people mislead you like that.

Two hours later, we learn we have to do the following in order, before being considered for short listing:

• Attend the orientation which mislead you to believe you're arriving to an interview.
• A mandatory tour of the shelter.
• Must hand in a written reference letter from *anyone*  (Doesn't have to be job related at all) the day of the tour.
• Criminal check within 5 days of the tour and handed in.
• Then you're notified in the following weeks if you've been short listed or not.

Backwards I tell ya.

Humming and hawing about this over the weekend, I realized that when asked directly about the hours the position held,during the orientation,  it was fast talked around and never really answered.

I called the HR Dept over the weekend and found out it's a Wednesday - Sunday shift. DEAL BREAKER!

I will not work weekends. I'm not desperate for work or a new job at the moment, I can choose to not proceed with this.

In addition, I was advised that not you're just working IN the shelter, you're actually working the Bylaw Counter IN the shelter.

Essentially you're dealing with a lot more than just animals. Angry people who have had their pets removed for whatever reasons, tickets (traffic or other) etc.

No where at any time was this discussed and/or mentioned, during the orientation or on the job description.

I think that's misleading and shady.

I advised my boss yesterday that I will not be proceeding forward with the interview process and explained why. Her face scrunched up a bit. lol

Here is where the brilliant part comes in.

Become a volunteer dog walker .

I was thinking more along the lines of working my way to a man's heart thru the dogs. ;)

That, and not to mention how awesome it would look on my resume.

Animal Shelter Volunteer.

Unlike the museum, there are no set hours.

You come and go as you feel. No signing in, other than to sign the dogs in/out. Log your hours online etc & call ahead and see if the level of dog you're qualified to walk is available. If not, you don't go.

• Green (easy - gets along with everyone and all dogs) Everyone starts here.
• Blue (lacking some social skills and/or training)
• Red (completely untrained, unpredictable, and capable of taking YOU for a walk)

Again, unlike the museum,

once you're done registering to be a volunteer, you are a volunteer.

Just like that. No interviews, no formalities. Weird, just weird I tell ya.

But on the other hand, good date material. "Hey I know, let's go walk some dogs!"

Who doesn't love dogs.

Anyway, that's just what's running thru my mind lately.

Looking into it a bit more before I decide one way or the other.

Disclaimer:

I would also be doing it to get my pet fix without having to own one.

I am an animal lover.