10 months on Accutane & 4 months later...Final Update

I have two months and a week left on the accutane. We've given the cycle an end date. More so cos I will no longer have extended medical come Dec 31st at midnight. (company wide lay off- generous severance package though)

Thought I'd update what it's been like to be on the Tane for 8 of the 10 months so far.

Starting age 38, turned 39 in June 2011.
Female. 5'2".
Meds - Synthyroid. Daily dose 125mcg for hypothyroidism.
Advil only when absolutely needed.

February 2011
- Get all mandatory blood work (cholesterol, liver function, negative pregnancy test) so we know where my levels are at and how to gauge how much medication to receive.
- Learn there will be no sex (chose not to take a secondary birth control) or alcohol for the next 6 months.
- Can not donate blood during or for 6 months afterwards.
- Can not wax during or for 6 months afterwards.
- Learn of all possible and common side effects.
- Buy all moisturizing arsenals.

March 2011
- Blood work is good. It's a go.
- Starting dose 40mg.
- Day 3, inner nose is ridiculously dry, slight bleeding.
- You learn immediately why the doctor says to PAT your skin, DO NOT RUB!
OW HOLY F$%#
- Day 10, increasingly tired, and thirsty.
- Blood work.

April 2011
- Dose 80mg
- Daily sunscreen. Experiment with different kinds til you find one you're happy wearing every.single.day. No joke. Every day.
- Nose bleeds on a regular basis.
- Lips are so dry they feel cakey.
- Vaseline, my finger and inner nose are very intimate now.
- Baby Oil and dry skin are best friends now.
Apply after the shower for best non greasy results. Trust me.
- Day 39 extreme fatigue sets in and a little depression (pre existing)
- Slightly annoyed, all the time. Apparently this will pass.
- Blood work.

May 2011
- Dose 80mg
- Daily sunscreen. Staying out of the sun for the summer months.
- Heavy aches and pains. Like you're coming down with the flu, but never get sick.
- Nose bleeds regularly.
- Minor headaches, bouts of sleepiness, sleeplessness, and lost of appetite.
- Had my nose cauterized. It helped.
- Started drinking Becks non alcoholic beer.
It's summer, need something to take the edge off.
- Acne starts to dry out and flake away. (this does pass- don't pick, skin is fragile)
- Hair so dry only washing it once a week with shampoo. Conditioning frequently.
- Blood work.

June 2011
- Learned my cholesterol spiked in May from 2.3 to 5.2 and liver function went down.
- Dose lowered back to 40 mg.
- Daily Sunscreen.
- Scalp is itchy and hurts to scratch.
- Adapting to the aches and pains.
- Gained some unexpected weight.
- Arms feel like they are about to snap off at the shoulders. Learning that once you get use to the aches and pains in one area....it moves. In a constant state of mild annoyance and in pain.
- Quit yoga. It hurts too much and recovery is extra long due to the drug.
- Start taking calcium, and omega 3 oil.
- Blood work.

July/August/September 2011
- Dose 40 mg.
- Cholesterol down to 4.2(July), then 3.8(August), and now 3.2(September).
- Daily sunscreen.
- All of September was really bad for side effects.
- Bone pain is intense. Hurts to walk, and to sleep on my side.
- Noticing my hair feels thinner. Maybe it's the new hair cut.
- Bones feeling fragile.
- Ready to be off this drug. It's kicking my ass.
- The side effects one by one are minor. But as a cluster and constant. It's exhausting.
- Eyes are itchy. Not allergies. Turns out I had extremely dry eyes and plugged lid ducts. high performance eye drops from the pharmacy(non prescription) and Lid-Care wipes, hot compresses all make a huge difference. (DO NOT USE VISINE).
- Learn that accutane is actually an anti-cancer drug. Type of chemo pill. Had I known this before hand, I could have mentally prepared myself to handle the side effects differently, rather than forcing myself thru some of the pain.
- Blood work.

October 2011
- Dose 40/80mg daily switch until my blood work says otherwise.
- Daily Sunscreen, on any remotely sunny day.
- Nose doesn't bleed anymore, but I've got my finger up there so often with Vaseline, it's too lubed to become dry and bleed anymore.
- Notice slight rashes on my arms. Not unusual due to the dryness. Reversible.
- Got the flu Halloween weekend. Thought I might die.
- Coughing is a new pain in itself. Taking a bit to recover from the flu.
- Hair is noticeably thinner. No bald patches,but definitely thinner. (I normally have ridiculously thick hair).
- Blood work.

November 2011.
- Dose 40/80mg switch.
- Cholesterol down to 2.8. woot woot!!!
- Approved for the last 2 months!!! Dec and Jan 2012. 

December & January 2012
-Same as November.

This is where it ends for the moment. I'll copy/paste this again when it's complete and still bitch about it in the mean time. I hadn't mentioned the hair thinning cos it's embarrassing. Plus it's not forever. It will thicken out again about 3 months after I stop taking the drug.

I wrote this post about managing the side effects. Like my Accutane survival kit. Have a read. For those of you that find this blog while on Accutane, it could definitely help. Remember, everyone manages the side effects differently, some do not feel many of them.

UPDATE: May 30th, 2012.

I took my last pill January 20th 2012.
It was only a matter of two weeks before I saw a difference in the side affects subsiding. Each week everything lessen a little more and more.

It's 4 months later and I feel more human every day. I am however having an issue with my nail beds, both hands and feet. Finding my nails to be very fragile. That wasn't an issue during the cycle.  My face, has unfortunately broken out a little since I took my last pill. Although, it's significantly diminished from what it use to be. *I* could very well be one of those people you hear about who might have to do a second cycle.

Not looking forward to it. As I've described being on Accutane in my late 30's the hardest thing to do. But that is me. Someone else may not have a single side effect.

In high insight it's taught me to keep my hands off my damn face! :)

Murphy's Law vs. Accutane vs. Just Sayin...

I've had both two real beer, and sex in the last 48 hours, and now... I feel like shit.

I'm not suppose to do either while on Accutane. Even though it is written "on occasion" you can have a drink. I waited 7 months for that friggin occasion, and what did I get? NOTHING. No buzz. Nothing.

And the sex? Mind blowing and extremely needed! (maybe wasn't mind blowing just overdue for my own sanity) now... I have a headache! Migraine actually. Isn't sex suppose to take care of that for you?

Why the sex? If I didn't have it soon, I was going to rape my hot roommate who loves to walk around half naked with his ridiculously delicious body. *sigh*. Plus it's been 7 long months. Self love can only get you so far. That itch in the very back needed to be, well...itched. Hard.

Accutane 1. Murphys Law 1. Just Sayin 0.5

F#$%&@ You Accutane! 4.5 months.

It happened so gradually I didn't even feel it til the day before last.
I have dry eyes. Wait, according to my optometrist, I have severely dry eyes.

Day before last I was poking at my one eye a little. It looked as though I might have contracted pink-eye. Though it didn't hurt, or goop the way it should etc. Then thought, maybe I scratched the cornea or something stupid like that. For the last two months, I did notice my eyes felt a little irritate at night. Thought it was our on/off again summer or stupid allergies.

I have severely blocked eye lid ducts.  Fuck you Accutane.
He gave me a cleaning ritual with special eye lid wipes, hot compresses and drops (4x a day) Think of the way you would unclog a pimple or a boil. Same idea here, but with my eyes.  They don't hurt, but feel like I have one giant sty in my eye. :(
(ya that wasn't meant to rhyme).

He did the first treatment there in the office chair. Absolute bliss! I could feel my eyes say "ahhhhh thank you" as they were cleaned and lubricated properly.

So let's recap my restrictions again while on this drug.
*No sun.
*No alcohol.
*No Sex (unless taking a secondary birth control)
*NO EYE MAKEUP!..moving forward
FML. Kill me now. 
You've taken away the last thing that makes me feel pretty on the outside.
Or even human for that matter.

Mascara is not a optional choice for most women, its a necessity!
I have blonde lashes, red hair(naturally), extremely fair skin, and do not tan.
I look like a walking zombie!

I hate you Accutane.
You better make my skin immaculately amazing! just sayin.

Shut up brain...Or I'll poke you with a Q-Tip.

The end of this month will be 11 years since my Mum passed away; 6 years this past February was my Dad's anniversary. At times it feels like it's been months, other times, years. Most anniversaries that pass, I share their favorite bottle of wine and shop for something selfish or drink a 6 pack of beer, & play solitaire with real cards and reflect on many things. Others, thankfully not often, there are times when it passes almost like any other day. Then there are milestone years. No rhyme or reason as to when and why I'm sadder some years over others. This year, sad, for both. Even sad for those I don't know, when I hear about loss in their lives, makes me tear up. Even empathy for TV characters going thru shit.


I'm 39 next month and think I might actually be having a mini midlife crisis. Instead of wondering when I'll have the things I want (spouse/husband/better job, relationship with my siblings etc) I find myself starting to prepare myself for a life alone.

Last Tuesday when I cut my hand, I called 3 friends first to see if one of them could drive me to the hospital rather than taking a taxi. One was in a conference, one didn't answer the phone (and still have yet to call back even with a detailed voicemail/text), the third one simply said No. Funny the one that said no, was the one that lived the closest. Her reason, they had just settled in for the night to watch a movie. Her other reason, if the cut was serious enough, just call 911.

Bitch.

It's things like that, that make me realize that I still have people in my life I shouldn't, and that maybe I don't have the friends I thought I did. Maybe I'm more alone than I thought. I've invested in people more than they've invested in me. I'm still having one-way friendships. At least that's how it feels. I know people come and go, but maybe, maybe I'm not all that likable. Ya I'm feeling a little sorry for myself at the moment, but come on, I was bleeding (see gushing at first) every where, freaking out a little... no one came to help. Not knowing at the time that it wasn't all that serious, though so.not.the.point... What if it had been serious and I had been one of those people who faints at the site of blood???

I've been independent for so long and have had a problem letting people in in the past, but this struck a cord with me. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for my friends, no matter how silly or small the issue or task at hand. No pun intended.  Though I'm deleting phone numbers and people off facebook with more frequency. In the convenient world of technology, instant communication, people being glued to their cell phones, and data plans, actions still speak louder than words. And the actions have not been good.

Am I a friendship snob? Do I expect too much or do I simply have the morals and principles of a different life time?

I'm trying to keep a positive outlook on all of it. There is something to learn from everything. Right? Maybe it's still an adjustment period of having new people in my life.

I spoke with my old house guest two weeks ago. By email. I was at work when the overwhelming vibe to check on her. I'm sure I've mentioned in the past we have a kindred connection. We just know when the other is distressed. Not just having a bad day, but really distressed. So I sent her an email, saying just that. "Had an overwhelming urge to check on you. Just let me know you're okay...." She replied a couple days later, "It's funny how you always know when to check on me. Thing are ok, just okay. I'll write more later when I can explain".

Ran it past Elizabeth Singleton, although she thought it was a bad idea to email her in the first place, she stood by my decision. When LC replied again explaining that life was still shit, but was trying to make the best of it with some other details. Over all it was a couple sentences. I decided not to reply with any more questions, she really did not give me anything to reply too. I replied with a short, "ok, thanks for letting me know you're okay." Nothing more. I did not mention it earlier cos I wasn't sure I was going to write about it at all and simply did not want too.

I do see us being friends again much later in life. Right now, I cannot be there for her until she gets her life in order. Not much of a friend? As long as people are around to "support her" we are essentially enabling her to continue taking advantage of us. She has to realize on her own, that no matter how shitty her life has been for the last 13 yrs, she is responsible for her own choices and consequences. I doubt she will contact me again until she can be the friend she should have been.

Accutane update:

Got my recent blood work back and it wasn't good. My bad cholesterol levels spiked considerably. It started off at the high end of normal, which was 2.3. Now it's 5.3.

Not good at all.

I was hoping to increase the mg's from 80 to 120 for the reminder of the cycle; instead we decreased it to 40 mg's from 80. I have one month to lower my levels or I'll have to be taken off the accutane and put on a cholesterol lowering medication temporarily to help lower the levels if I'm unable to do it myself.

Thankfully it's as simple as really being more diligent with my diet. No "fatty foods" while on accutane. Red meats, dairy (bye bye lattes) cheese, etc. all have to be fairly limited. I have to start walking. You're not suppose to work out while taking this, due to the ability to properly sweat and the aches and pains that follow etc, but walking isn't really exercising. I have to stop being 100% sedentary.

Lately I feel like I'm a mega Debbie Downer.
I'm really not. I'm a fairly happy person. I tend to use this blog to vent so not to bother friends with it, rather than sharing the funny, stupid, dorky things more often. Going to make more effort to change up this blog to something more positive. Even I can only read so much woes it me. 

Very long story short; I'm missing something that will make me more whole. I like myself and my life for the most part. I'd like myself more if I was more financially stable. Not rich, just more stable, I think I would have more confidence and a little less stress about material things, clothes, car, outtings, holidays etc. Hence I really need to upgrade my skills.

Accutane Side Effects and Solutions.

Lately I've been reading old blogs of people who blogged solely for the purpose of being on the tane.  Who knew there was slang for those of us on it.

This morning I woke up with a certain amount of pain/burning on the top of my right hand.  Of course I freaked out a little as I've had a history (2 times now) with bedbugs and nearly cried at the thought of laundering my whole apartment, the time, the money, the hassle, the emotional stress etc.  Upon closer examining it, I realized these were not bites, but rash-like. I've never had a rash in my life, so I really do not know what one on my own body would look like.   Going about my morning at 0545 washing my hands,face, teeth etc, and winced when water touched my hand.  Inflamed, sore and burning, I cursed my body, my apartment, my life.  Quickly realizing this might be a side effect of the tane.  A quick google search proved that correct.

It's unsightly but not the end of the world.  This might fall into the TMI for some of you, although I feel I have to document this for anyone who might find this blog while researching Accutane side effects etc.  The rash is very mild, although it appearance is more like crusty, flaking small circular scabs.  (goodbye love life) If it only ever shows up on my hand(s) I'll take it.  I do not think I could manage if it showed up on my arms, legs, etc, with the summer months coming. Aka skirt/t-shirt/tan top season.

I thought I was winning the war against dryness on my body. My body says otherwise. I have a small arsenal  kit of moisturising items with me at all times. In a little makeup kit. Thank gawd for travel size!!!!

This is my Accutane  survival travel kit.

Vaseline Travel Size. - NEVER under estimate the power of this as a moisturizer for your whole body.  Lips and inner nose especially. Lather it on!

Q-Tips To any sort of nasal ointment.

Ceralip by La Roche-Posay - for lips. 
Awesome stuff. Vaseline works just as effectively if you're concerned about price. They also carry a whole line for people on medication/accutane etc.

Cetaphil - Eczema wash/moisturizer. Cheap and effective.  helps calm the readiness a little.

Baby Oil Travel Size - Yes Baby oil.
When it's used correctly (applied to slightly damn skin) it works wonders and is NOT greasy. I can almost hear parts of my body say "aaaahhhh" when I apply it. I have a full size at home and the travel size at work.

Avene TriXera+Selectiose Emollient Cream.  - Favorite body/face moisturizer
By far the best $35 you'll spend on moisturizer. And you only need 1/2 a pump to do you're whole face-twice. One full pump to do each leg etc..  It's worth the money. They also carry a whole line for people on medication/accutane etc.

Coppertone Waterbabies SPF 70 or higher. - Enough said. It is a must.

Of course those on Accutane know not to use any sort of exfoliant. And to PAT all your skin dry, do not rub.  Anyone who'd made this mistake knows exactly what I'm talking about.  It hurts.

My scalp is tender when I wash it.  The whole process of washing my hair has decreased too. I have dry hair to begin with, seems dryer now. I usually wash my hair every 3-4 days as it is. Now, I actually "wash" it once a week. That's 7 days, ladies and gents. 7 whole days. I wet it and condition it often, but only apply shampoo once a week right now.  I'm afraid if I did it more often, my hair would start to fall out.