I've been raging and having major anxiety all this week.
I could have used my words as weapons, and been pleased with myself.
I had to have some serious quiet time and check-in with myself, find the source of this negative energy. Rather than feeding it with more rage cos I haven't felt I could put my finger on it.
In short, I've come to the conclusion that I am stressed.
*We have a serious investigation going on at work. One that affects my department directly. The claim behind the investigation is bogus. Although since a claim was filed, the proper protocols have to be taken. Understandably.
What gets me red mad, is once it's found to be an invalid/fraudulent claim, our department will still get a lashing. Just because a claim was filed. Regardless if it's found invalid.
*Another issue which I am unable to discuss at this time due to its legalities.
I'm breathing, but the rage is rooted deep.
*I'm picking fights with people I care about. Becoming less and less tolerable towards lack of common courtesy on many levels.
*I'm annoyed with my body. My intestinal health has been giving me some grief for the last 6 weeks. Finally received the results of the culture, all good! no parasites or other nasty little things. This means making some restrictions on my diet and sticking to them. Just shoot me.
*I have to have positive self talk with myself daily. Thanking my body for the hard work it does! Carries my fat ass everywhere. Strong and flexible to stay active and healthy. Thanking the universe and my body for being able to get up every morning without assistance. There may come a time in life that that isn't possible. So I'm thankful for it now.
In term, I'm sure I'll feel better for making changes. it's just gonna suck donkey ass!
School starts up again in a week. This time it's not self-paced, and I'll be accountable for my course load in a classroom. YAY! but ugh to the late nights I'll have.
There ya have it. No harsh words here... I'm saving them for a special occasion. ;)
Wednesday, 14 August 2019
Monday, 5 August 2019
Trust in the Workplace; Can it Exist? Part 1
Over the years I've witnessed coworkers betray each other for promotions, throw one another under the bus for valid reasons due to work ethic, but mostly out of malice.
My whole employed life I've been wary of those who want to be fast friends, who are too eager to tell you about all the other employees. I've listened and made mental notes about the stories, and to never share anything at work.
I usually live by the rule: If you say it out loud, expect everyone to know about it, and twist it by the end of the day. If you want to keep it private, simply don't talk about it.
Executives talk to each other. They put on a professional front for their staff, but they talk just as much if not more than the staff themselves.
I've started a job which I really like. The executives are transparent, they joke around with the staff and keep the morale up. It's a nice change from what I've been subjected to for the last 6 years.
Recently we've hired a new payroll person. She's nice. From day one she's always comparing herself to others. Makes comments like: "why wouldn't those girls apply for that position, don't they want to move up in the company?","how does such a young exec afford to own Jimmy Choos?" Lots of comments. I tend to shrug my shoulders, saying "I don't know, I've never asked them, maybe you should ask them!?" She'll make a reason not too. It's clear to me she's a pot-stirrer.
The payroll person is nice, in small doses. She's recently been making comments to me about my future with the company. "why do you work here, do you like it?, Don't you have a degree in another field? you all roughly make the same amount." This isn't your get to know you type questions, it's the tone she uses.
She made a comment Wednesday about benefits etc and was surprised to learn I had benefits being on contract. Firstly, as payroll personnel, she shouldn't be saying things like that. Secondly, made a comment how that the company is unlikely to hire me permanently and will continue to renew my contract over and over, based on the fact that they know I have an interest in another career.
WTF? is she being friendly and giving me a heads up?
I informed her when the company hired me, they knew of my career path, and that it could take years.
My manager and I have an agreement, that when I'm ready to start looking in my field, I'd let them know. Of course, I will, but not until after I've secured a position. I'm not going to shoot myself in the foot. I like working here. It's a nice change to built up in aptitude vs being torn down daily.
Now my concern is, do I keep this information payroll shared with me, to myself, or share it with HR? I don't trust this person. I will keep all personal information and plans to myself as usual, but her ethic is pushing the line limits.
Even with my team, I don't discuss overly personal things or plans. Isn't this just common sense?
In my gut, I know what to keep to myself. I've learned a few ways of answering questions diplomatically without actually answering them, and making the ask-ee think they've received an answer.
My whole employed life I've been wary of those who want to be fast friends, who are too eager to tell you about all the other employees. I've listened and made mental notes about the stories, and to never share anything at work.
I usually live by the rule: If you say it out loud, expect everyone to know about it, and twist it by the end of the day. If you want to keep it private, simply don't talk about it.
Executives talk to each other. They put on a professional front for their staff, but they talk just as much if not more than the staff themselves.
I've started a job which I really like. The executives are transparent, they joke around with the staff and keep the morale up. It's a nice change from what I've been subjected to for the last 6 years.
Recently we've hired a new payroll person. She's nice. From day one she's always comparing herself to others. Makes comments like: "why wouldn't those girls apply for that position, don't they want to move up in the company?","how does such a young exec afford to own Jimmy Choos?" Lots of comments. I tend to shrug my shoulders, saying "I don't know, I've never asked them, maybe you should ask them!?" She'll make a reason not too. It's clear to me she's a pot-stirrer.
The payroll person is nice, in small doses. She's recently been making comments to me about my future with the company. "why do you work here, do you like it?, Don't you have a degree in another field? you all roughly make the same amount." This isn't your get to know you type questions, it's the tone she uses.
She made a comment Wednesday about benefits etc and was surprised to learn I had benefits being on contract. Firstly, as payroll personnel, she shouldn't be saying things like that. Secondly, made a comment how that the company is unlikely to hire me permanently and will continue to renew my contract over and over, based on the fact that they know I have an interest in another career.
WTF? is she being friendly and giving me a heads up?
I informed her when the company hired me, they knew of my career path, and that it could take years.
My manager and I have an agreement, that when I'm ready to start looking in my field, I'd let them know. Of course, I will, but not until after I've secured a position. I'm not going to shoot myself in the foot. I like working here. It's a nice change to built up in aptitude vs being torn down daily.
Now my concern is, do I keep this information payroll shared with me, to myself, or share it with HR? I don't trust this person. I will keep all personal information and plans to myself as usual, but her ethic is pushing the line limits.
Even with my team, I don't discuss overly personal things or plans. Isn't this just common sense?
In my gut, I know what to keep to myself. I've learned a few ways of answering questions diplomatically without actually answering them, and making the ask-ee think they've received an answer.
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