Rejected by a stranger.

I'd like to say this is a first for me, however it's not. It happened once before years ago.

I recently connected with a guy I went to high school with. Although we did not know each other in high school, facebook and it's 'people you may know' section put us in touch. He's handsome, but in a aging like a good wine kind of way, not the *gasp* you're ridiculously hot way.  He's not ugly.

We've been chatting it up very generically the last couple weeks.  Covered what we've been up to since high school etc.  It never crossed my mind once to flirt with him or inquire if he was single. Although we did learn that kind of stuff about each other. Even more so last week when he hit his head at work and ended up in hospital, twice, he asked me to keep him company on msn etc while he waited his turn to be seen. The second time I wasn't online with him, as it was thought he had a blood clot and might end up in surgery later that night etc. (Turned out everything is okay for now, but he's still in a lot of pain)

Last night was no different than any other conversation we've had. Except, I asked for his cell number (timing seemed right) to hangout and go do any of the assorted things we agreed we both like to do. As friends. At least I thought I implied it as friends.

Nope. He did not see it that way and abruptly ended our conversation online with:
"I only have talk on my cell no texting plan, plus I do not see anything "like that" happening between us. Game's starting! Have a nice night".

Me:  Wow. I did not think we were heading in a "like that" direction, but thanks for making it very clear you're not interested, when I hadn't indicated anything.

Him: K. Chat soon. Bye. offline

Me: I don't think so. Night.  He'll get that last message when he signs back on.

Okay, I've read and re-read our conversation history from day one. No where that I can see do I flirt with him or imply I'm interested in anything other than building a new rapport with someone I went to high school with 20 years ago.  Until that very moment, he'd been polite, easy to chat with, open etc. It was easy. We talked about going to hockey games, music gigs and just chilling as friends with friends. No dates or romance were ever hinted at, by either of us.  So wth?

I'm not going to bother asking him what was up with all that.  I'm still shocked at the abruptness of it all, but do not care enough to inquire as I rejected from a man I wasn't romantically interested in, in the first place, not yet anyways.(never say never, right? Its a defiant never now...)  Find Richard on msn...delete contact.  Facebook..... I'll delete tonight.  No point in staying in touch or keeping pleasantries after that.

I was rejected by someone I hadn't shown interest in.  lol But at the same time a small part of me felt very insecure by the rejection "it's my weight" I thought for a moment.  I had been deemed not good enough before we met.  That's what my mind said for a moment, then I shook it off and decided he was not worth the emotion wasted for that short moment.  It occurred to me that I am indeed lonely. And I blame my weight for part of it, and all the rest on myself for not being more diligent about losing it.

STUPID FACTORY

THAT IS ALL.

I could have just posted this instead......

Yup, could have posted this instead of telling you the story.

Enjoy.

Short Version

Short version of the previous post would be this.
I simply do not trust anyone right now. I'm weary of everyone and their intentions.
Period. hmph.

TMI ALERT! But I HAVE to share

I"m mortified, embarrassed immensely, but laughing hysterically at the same time.

Can you guess?

 I was enjoying a little 'self love' recently and never bothered to put my assistant ?? (lets give him a name - U guys can come up with a name.. til then its ?? - okay, make sense?) away. I left it on the night stand. No biggie right? That is until I woke up in the morning and once again I do not have any heat. Our poor apartment boiler is struggling with getting heat to the corner suites (aka MY APT) when a cold snap flows thru town. :(  

Got to work and called the landlord advising to bleed the vents/radiators, again. Sigh.
I get home from work to find my door unlocked.  "HELLLLLO?" I asked as I walked in.... "Hi!, I'm so and so" was replied from the living room, as I find a repair guy explaining that he is installing auto bleeders on my vents. Woot!!!  This should eliminate the amount of times I have to call the landlord to do it manually and find the radiators leaking etc.

Blah blah blah... so back to the story...

I apologize for the mess in the apt. (hadn't taken the garbage out, and had clothes laying about) He gets back to work and I go about cleaning up the apt, well, cos it needed to be done.

I walk into my bedroom and see that  my assistant ?? is not on my night stand....but now on my dresser.. STANDING UP RIGHT!!!!.. um-ya, that is NOT where I left it.

Which can only mean that both the landlord and the repair guy (Btw which is hot and my age)  has actually touched it, moved it and stood it up right!!!

THE HUMILITY!!!
I try to go about cleaning without blushing. Open the wine I bought.. and make the best of it. The landlord shows up to supervise making small talk, as he must with a stranger in my apt, prior to me being home etc

Neither say anything or act uncomfortable.

What a story for the repair guy to go and tell his buddies.

When you guys have stopped laughing and pick yourselves up off the floor, could you all be so kind as too please find a name for my assistant ??

Weekend

I had a low key fun filled weekend.

Friday - Derm Apt. Was recommended to be on Accutane to clear up the reoccurring acne.
Went to the AWB gig with Might McMullen. We caught up on our lives.
Although we live in the same town since she moved here after meeting her surfing 5 years ago, we do not get to see each other all that often.  We caught up, rolled our eyes, laughed and sang at the top of our lungs with the Adam Woodall Band.

Saturday - Was filled with a doctors appointment and a very late doctor. :(
If I'm charged for being late or missing an appointment, why aren't they?  This is MY time, not theirs.  But on the other hand, my doctor is not once to rush anyone out of an appointment.  So I bit my tongue and waited my turn.

Thyroid Meds are indeed too high.  They have to be lowered, but not for another 4 weeks at the earliest. Blood work needs to confirm it again.
Got the green light to be on the Accutane for 6 months. 
Was weighed. :(  I'm heavy. Although my shape and curves help me carry it, it needs to come off. Got the green light to really move forward with the weight loss. 
Aside from that, I'm healthy and the appointment was short.

Got home, napped, then got a text to go for drinks. As I said SURE, I came down with food poisoning. Great, just great. Not to be a Debbie Downer, I forced the issue out then was good. Upon being picked up, I realize I've lost my bank card. Crap. I called the bar from last night. They have it, but I've already cancelled my card.  Ugh. Call my friend/date and explained the situation and gave him an out, since I couldn't afford to cover myself.  Like a true gentleman, he replied that he wouldn't have let me pay anyways, but appreciated the fact that I did not assume he would. :)

Off to the bar we go. Booo completely forgot the UFC fight was on. The bar is packed to the max and just I'm suggesting we try somewhere else, the bar manager offers us two seats with a table of guys, who gracefully invite us to sit with them.  Turns out to be a great night of random. We networked the table, I got a few numbers. :) (once the table learned we were not on a 'date date' but catching up). I play wingman for the guy I'm sitting next too and he scores the number he wanted! Many high fives and drinks are bought for the victory.

The night is slowing down and we've all had many many drinks.  My friend/date walks over to me and says "Are you ready for a night you won't forget?"  I must have looked shocked, cos I had clearly not given the impression I was up for anything other than drinks, and my flirting at the table with other men would have been a clear sign.  The look I gave clued my friend in that I was thinking something completely different from what he had in mind. Phew.  He wanted to drive up to Whistler and watch the sun come up. Not exactly a night to never forget, but I went with it.

I laughed cos it was only midnight and our sun doesn't rise til 6-7am still.  he forgets he's not in San Diego anymore.  But off we go. With a sudden swerve on the highway, I'm reminded of the new drinking laws and that this is not cool, we shouldn't be driving.  I make this clear and express my concern, all while texting friends who I'm with, and where we're heading incase no one hears from me in the morning etc.

We get half way there and he has since calmed/reassured me he's okay. But agrees like a gentleman not to push it. Instead we head back to West Van and promptly get lost.

The short of it is, I ened up peeing on my own leg behind his car. While watching the water, I fell down some rocks and grabbed onto the branch beside me, which was not a branch, but a vine of thorns!!!! 
Many, many wounds.  It's dark in West Van on the water.. no street lights.

Got home in one piece and had decided I had a really good time. We caught up on our lives, laughed, told stories, listen to great music.  Next time I'll take him to meet my friends and hopefully he can build some new rapports.

Sunday - I rebelled and refused to not watch the SuperBowl game. Football.. pptff.  Even though I was cheering for Pittsburg, I heard it was a close game, but they loss. Nursed a small hangover and napped.

Good weekend.

How was yours?

Lamest excuse that ever was....Although true.

I was asked by an old high school friend to go for drinks tonight.
I haven't seen him since Gr10. although we've kept in touch, he's now living in the same area code.

Before I could hear myself or the sensory filter between my brain and mouth, the words "I'm sorry, I can't tonight, I'm washing my hair." Silence at his end, as though to say.. oh no she didn't!

Like a light bulb going off in my head, it occurred to me that that line is the lamest excuse to bow out of a date....and I just used it.

"NO NO NO IT'S TRUE, I SWEAR TO GAWD!" I insisted. 
"you can even come over and hang at my place etc,"..... I had to go on to explain to him, that it's not an excuse to get out of a date. I do have to wash my hair.  I refrain from using a blow dryer as much as possible, so washing my hair, drying it and styling it again all in the same night.... never happens.
It hasn't in over a decade.

I also had to explain I only wash my hair once or twice a week, cos it takes that long to get dirty.  Thankfully he had a sense of humour and could sense I was being sincere, and will be coming by my place tonight to hang out and catch up. Phew.

Looking back I use to make fun of those girls who used that as an excuse.
Then started to wonder, if it really was an excuse?

Ladies, what is your hair care regiment?
Men, have any of you been the receiver of this excuse, if so, how did you perceive it?

Dating for Dummies

I really wish there was a book for re-entering the dating world.
I mean I know how to date but I think with the pressure of having to preform and not make asking questions sound like an interview, has become an art.

One of which I can conquer blind folded and make it appear to others we've been friends forever....when I'm not interested. Although now I am interested, I feel over heated, sweaty, nervous that stupidity will spew from every pore in my body the minute I open my mouth and/or dig myself into the friendship catagory.


Ugh.

I figure I'll just be my slightly dorky self with hints of genius that pokes thru from time to time, just not to intimidate the guy.... omg that was hard to write. Anyone else laughing at the fact I thought I could actually pull off genius? I'm smart, and maybe smarter than most people, especially men, when it comes to calling bullshit. Alas I need to find a balance as not to appear over bearing/pushy/high maintenance/or gawd forbid (I've actually been told this one) too independent, for a girl.  WTH DOES THAT MEAN!?

I pride myself on being independent. Rarely pulling the helpless female card.
I have my own tools, on my way to being certified to handle/shoot a range of firearms. I make my own money, will drive my own car again, do not need a roommate, think for myself.  You'd think (well I do) that men would dig that about me.  Oh wait, yes, I forgot to let them be the man..... There it is.

My big dating faux pas. Letting men be men.
By opening doors, paying at times, feeling like the protector and feeling needed/wanted from time to time. I just have to find out how to find that balance without patronizing anyone or sounding fake.

This is all over the place, oxymoron of sorts.
Whilst I'm an independent girlie/tomboy, I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. But....it doesn't bother me to not hold hands, not be kissie all the time-especially in public, although I must admit, in private, I am the cuddle-slut of all sluts that ever were.

Wing it or maybe read a book? You decide for me.

Prenupials.

A g/f is getting married in August of this year.
They've been in the first weeks of planning etc, and suddenly WHAM!... it might not happen at all now, or at least be pushed back a year.

The troll fiance suddenly wants a prenup. That's fine,  I'd want to protect my military pension too.  But it's the stipulations he's adding that has her livid.

Aside from his military pension etc  he wants her to maintain a certain weight, keep the house, the pets, ....in short the list of things he's added is similar to that expected of a house wife from the 50's.

Now the fiance isn't a catch by any means. He's 5'0", stocky, has a temper of a petulant 5 yr old, and seems to think cos he makes more money, she should cater to him while he sits on his ass playing video games, drinking beer and making a mess, then bitches at her cos the house is not presentable.  (she works too)

You should know something about yourself is true when your friends are telling you that you are not a catch but you've landed a good woman who has put up with you (aka settled) and if you screw this up, it wont be long before someone else sees how great she is and scoops her up.  My friend dated down. Way down.   In his defence though, he does have a huge heart, he's fun and throws a good party, however, none of that is ever directed at the woman who has given him the last 8 years of her life.

I only met CM last year and from what I can suspect, she has low self esteem.  Very low.
Was that a result of the troll man slowly breaking her down? I'm just learning now that she's been very unhappy for a long time, but they set a date to marry two months ago???

I've heard the troll mention to friends that CM would never leave him (while laughing) cos she'd miss his money. WTF! She makes her own money, although they have a joint bank account (I hate that people do that and do not keep an account of their own), everything is in her name. The bills, the truck, (he doesn't have a licence and needs her to drive him everywhere) the insurance etc.  So if I'm not correct, I think it's the troll NEEDS her around so he can spend his money on toys, while she finances the household needs.

He wants this huge wedding for $2G.  I nearly choked on my drink when she told me that.
He's learning quickly that even the simplest of all weddings cost more than a few thousand dollars, even with the help they're receiving from the base he works at.

When she mentioned to me last night about the issue of the prenup, and pushing back the wedding, I strongly suggested that she write her own prenup with a notary and get her own damn bank account. In it, it should have terms about about his weight, the amount of sex they should be having, the comments he leaves on pictures on facebook of women he doesn't know (like he could land any of them) the names he calls her. *unt is his favorite. Yes it is, and she stays with him. But thinks he's entitled to do whatever, behave however, whenever, coos he's the man.

She agreed with a lot I had to say, however this threw me for a loop. She says, "He's solely worried about his pension when we break up." 

WHEN! Not if.  
Both of them have now used the word WHEN to describe the end result of their marriage before it's even begun. This is not a good sign. I can not push her to do anything she isn't ready for. I've given her my two bits upon being asked and it echos the same answers other friends have given her. Don't get married to this one.

I wonder how women get caught up in relationships like this and stay?
There are so many kind of abuse, and this one seems to be based on the verbal and financial controlling. If would never lay a hand on her, cos his closest military brothers would kill him.

Since my friends started getting married in our 20's, I would observe how many of them gave up control over their own finances and would have to ASK for money. Money they earned!!!!

I swore then I would never have a joint account. I will always have control over my own money. And if a relationship has to end cos I wont submit control to the man, well then, that relationship MUST end. I'm okay with joint house accounts where you both contribute money into it for the mortgage etc, but aside from that, hell no.

As lonely as I am, being single has it's pro's to it. I do not have to fight about finances with anyone but myself.

Would love the input from all of you, as some of you have been through these exact issues.
I'd like to know what causes you to stay. How you dealt with it.

JV & BigButtNut

I've talked with JV today about the pof thing.
He laughed, however said it wasn't him.... Still laughing.

I informed him that I'm in the position to press charges for defamation of character resulting in unwanted harassment. (I'm still looking into it, chances are I'm not able to press any charges) however JV does not know that. His tone changed quickly, apologized for laughing and still claims it wasn't him.  I'm not convinced.

If it is him, that should bring things to a complete stop.

I've yet to hear back from from BBN. :)

Almost over it, but should someone slip up and I catch them/discover who it was, better believe they will have to move to another country.

BigButtNut - POF Update

Yesterday I mentioned I had received a message from BigButtBut and that I replied asking why in the world he thought I would be interested in anything he was offering.

He replied while I was at work.  I had to wait to read his reply until I got home.
First of all, wow. 

BBN: Oh, well a friend of mine said he fucked you after meeting you on here and that you were a for sure thing for a good fuck and NSA, and you had a snag tight*****. 

Me: That is unlikely.

BBN: Really? Well based on his recommendation, I think I should fuck you anyways and I can judge for myself.

Me: Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not some party favour that can be discarded and passed around! Who is this "friend"? Better yet, have him contact me, we have shit to discuss.

He hasn't replied as of yet.

While we were exchanging messages, I received a handful more messages along the same line.
I replied to all these men explaining this is the result of a prank and I'd appreciate it if someone would give me this "friends" name. Otherwise not to contact me again cos clearly the information being passed around it wrong. Very wrong. Most have apologized but BBN. He is insistent that I be "tried out".

I can not tell you how enraged I was yesterday.
I know exactly who I've met over the years when I was in between single from the Douche.
More so, exactly who I've slept with.  I'm still in contact with every person I've EVER slept with except one. And he was the first person who came to mind. But it's been 3 years since I've seen him or talked to him.

Last night was exhausting as I reached out by text, hotmail, facebook, and land line to every single man I've ever been with casually.  All were replying with WTF are you talking about!!!?? Others were so mad, they've offered their services to kick some ass.

So we're back to one. Well maybe two.
JV and Laurie. 
Laurie is my ex best friend. But even this is a bit much for her, knowing very well if she were to get caught, the ranee of terror that would ensue her.  I've contacted JV by facebook as I no longer have any contact information for him, and advised if it was him trying to be funny or something, to just STOP IT! That would be friendly.

I can put up with a lot of stupidity, but slandering my name on a dating site for casual sex, is not one I will put up with.

I doubt anyone will give me this person's name who's had 7 men contact me for a good time.
I haven't had sex in a year, and before that it was limited to a few good men.  All who I have on facebook and talk to regularly, have lunch with their new girlfriends etc.

I have a message on my fb status right in case for some reason they are there, that will/should be making them nervous right about now.

I thought high school was behind us.
Apparently not. It still exists, just with better cars, clothes and more money.

Thoroughly exhausted from the rage.

Back on POF

I reactivated my POF account a few weeks ago.
I've had several men look over it and tell me if it's hinting at anything I may not be aware of.
Nope. All male friends say it's good, normal and inviting. YAY ME!

So explain to me this. Why is BigButtNut contacting me for water sports and other things?
I wrote him a nasty reply asking why he thought he should be messaging me. As it clearly states on my profile I'm not interested in anyone looking for sexual encounters. And strongly suggested he read the profiles and "know your audience" Just saying'  He's replied but I've yet to check it.

I'd had enough with the ugly of the ugly viewing me. Then I read at the top of edit profile and learn the system picks your matches based on your height and income. WTF!?  No wonder I'm getting all the trolls. Cos I'm short. This is sooooo wrong.

I changed my income status -which btw is not on your profile, and my height by an inch.
Both of which I mention in my profile have been changed and why etc.

I spend the day on the couch due to a spider bit on the back of my neck. aka death like flu symptoms kept me home. I spent time annoyed and decided I would start messaging men.
I msg'd 4. I got 4 replies. :)  And not the replies men send to say thanks for the message but not interested.
I exchanged email address and cell numbers with 3 of the 4.  They all commented on my profile and it's blunt honesty. :) (weight, height, income etc). Turns out, men are having the same issues.

Note to POF.
How about you let the users pick their matches based on the settings. 28-45 yrs old (whatever they may be). and actually send that to us etc.  I'm not overly impressed with the way this service decides who your matches are. But alas it is a free site. Although one step shy of being CList.

I do not bother with using multiple sites, you just see the same people on each site. Even the paid ones.
Anytime I'm on this site I also open a picture-less account on AFF. Adult Friend F......  (ya I don't want that site linked to my blog).. I do this to see if any of the men I'm chatting with and potential dating are openly trolling for casual hook ups. Yes everyone does it. However there is something a little more degrading about that site, that suggests they may not take or protect their sexual health as serious as I would like.

Off topic. Back to the boys.

They are all 5'6 - 6'3 similar features etc. (think the Jude Law, Hugh Grant, Hugh Jackman and Jason Statham types mmmmmm- ya now you all know my type) we all have something in common and few things not. I would consider myself a high 6, sometimes a 7(on a good hair/makeup day) These men are all 8,9,10's. I always date up. :) Entirely too early to say what will come of any of them. But the fact I hit 4 out of 4 in one morning was a good start.

One I messaged cos he was honest about his wants for a casual hook up, but in a gentleman way.
Hey it worked. I msg'd him just to say kootos etc. We agreed there was nothing wrong with passing the time together as we both look for something else.  We covered a lot of history via msn. He doesn't want to whore around, too much, but to find one or two ladies he can switch up his time with to different events. (dinner, hockey games and of course booty) when he has down time.

Ok, this might be a total line, but it worked for me, and he's not claiming to want a relationship, he's being upfront about what he wants etc. No games.  So it's a win/win. It might not work for everyone. I've been fortunate enough to have had a healthy booty call in the past so I know one forthcoming when I see it.

Now I have to seriously step up the wardrobe and dress the way I want, not just what I can afford and make my appearance match my insides. :)

More to follow on BigButtNut after I read his reply tonight.
Who knows, maybe it's just an apology. HA!
Ow, the thought of that made me laugh out loud. I know it will be him saying nasty things to me, somehow in his little brain that will interpret that I will respond with an "oh yes baby, that's what I like". *barf*

Sidenote: The volunteers from Helping Families in Need are coming by tonight to pick up the bed and TV. :)
I've had to cancel my own volunteer dinner with the museum, this one wins. Volunteer dinners will always be there.

Laurie's daughter tried to add me to FB last night.  I thought I had blocked her after she called me a fucking douche bag. This from an 11 yr old.  Turns out she changed her name up a little and tried to add me.
Silly girl has her profile public. I read her wall as far back at April 2010 and learned that Laurie had planned to move out, and had scheduled a few trips to Vancouver while claiming the whole time to be in another province with the kids.  I knew she was acting sketchy.  So between May - July 10 when she claimed to be in another province, she was indeed here visiting a lot of that time and lied about it. I read her daughter's wall for other things and my gawd, she is her mothers daughter for sure. The angst that spews from her mouth on her wall, well it's embarrassing. I would kill my child if they openly spoke like this to aunts, uncles siblings etc on a public wall. Maybe someone should explain to her how the Internet really works.
Needless to say I declined her invite to be friends.

DATE #1 0F 2009 - Bucky

Went on a date last night with a guy I went to school with 25 years ago. (grade school then he moved)

I called Bucky at 6 ish to see if he wanted to do something.
My roommate was having a date over and I just wanted to give him some privacy, plus if he got lucky, I didn't want to be home.

Sooooo, thinking we'd go out at a reasonable time, as we're talking, I learn Bucky no longer has a licence due to a DUI... sigh, and he lives in NorthVan.
( an hours drive by freeway, or 2 hours by seabus, skytrain and another bus). THREE HOURS later he arrives just about 10:45pm (he left at 8)

My roommate made a very valid point I had not thought of. He said, "No man would travel that distance by bus and not think he's going to get some action".
Ummmm, Not in this life time, its not a "date date" I tell him, he said it did not matter.
Sigh.

We headed off to the pub and caught up on our lives in the last 25 years. Good times!

Back to my place, 3 pints and 3 shots later. Like clock work, my roommate called it. Bucky tried to get some action. Unfortunately, its 3 am now, and transit stops at midnight, I set him up on the couch, where he promptly spilled a full glass of RED wine on my light carpet, and insisted that SALT would take care of it.

Okay, you maybe saying, SALT? What do I know about getting red wine out of carpet.. I never spill the stuff, I drink it.... so salt it is.

I go to bed, and leave Bucky to sleep on the couch.

8am this morning, I'm laying in bed thinking, Awwwww snuggles feel nice.....WAIT A MINUTE!!!! I left Bucky on the couch who is in my bed?

Not only is he in my bed, he's naked! I jump out of bed, turns out he'd only been there a few minutes. I found his clothes in the living room, and told him it was time to leave.
(in the mean time we got hit with another few inches of snow ontop of the 2.5 feet we already have.... just not normal for Vancouver)

Now back to the wine/salt mix that has been sitting for the last 5 hours.
Salt "looks" like its doing its job until I vaccuum it up... wine is still very much there!
Fine! I'll deal with it my way... dulited bleach. Done. Wine stain gone!

So my first date of 2009 was a bust, here's to the rest being better than last night....right?... Right?.... RIGHT?!!!

Maybe I'll have a better date with Devon....