My favorite uncle passed away yesterday morning.
I received the call at work while I was at lunch, and was surprised myself how hard I took it.
I had not seen him in a couple years as he's back east and I'm on the west coast.
He was elderly, survived colon cancer, twice, in remission then passed away from a heart attack.
You know when you hear stories told by older family members about who they grew up with, knew, were friends with etc. and they all sound exaggerated. :) My Uncle had those stories, many of them, however he always had backup proof. Whether it be pictures, current letters and post cards etc. The stories are all true. :) He lived a rich life indeed.
I'm upset I wont be able to fly home for the funeral. Seriously, close to a thousand dollars to fly east for the weekend? I'll miss him but I can not justify that time off work and money spent for 72 hours.
I'm sure he'll understand. In his memory I'll drink a bottle of wine straight from the bottle. We did this once on a hot summer night and were entirely too lazy to walk the 50 meters to the house to grab glasses.
Then roll the empty bottle across the ground, floor, (where ever) and release a soldiers unclaimed soul. Tradition when you empty a bottle of wine in good company. Drink the spirits to release the spirits.
Uncle G was my favorite cos he always took interest in me. No matter my age, young child, young adult, grown adult.... he always took interest. He introduced me to golf, where we learned I had a natural nack for it. But even though I sucked in comparison to a seasoned semi pro golfer that he was, he always made feel good about my efforts without being patronizing.
He was always great that way. It made him special, especially growing up the youngest of six but also as an only child, Oxymoron of the best childhood ever, dying for acceptance from my siblings by acting out, being bad etc. he had a extraordinary way of making that emptiness vanish. :)
Always so excited to hear he was coming for a visit.
I have many many fond memories that I will share with people. You'll be greatly missed Uncle G.
Many souls will be release this following month. xo
Ok change of attitude.... I had to call my side of the family to advise of the unfortunate news.
This is not my first time around the block doing this, however, it does not get easier. Arming myself to bare other people's emotions and stay strong. Answer the questions they might have etc.
I left work after getting the news, cos as I mentioned above, I took it harder than expected.
Made the calls, left voice messages. Normally I wouldn't want to leave such a sucky detailed message, but in the world of twitter and facebook, that is NOT information you want to find out third party on a social network of any kind. So. Messages were left.
My Marcy Darcy sibling. (think back to Married with Children...the neighbour, Marcy Dacry.... that IS my sister in every way, shape and form. the voice, hair cut, style, patronizing looking down her nose at everyone etc. Cant make that shit up). She returned the call, and before asking any details felt the need to tell me how much of a yogi she is now and how I would benefit from it. blah blah blah. I just bit my tongue and got to the point without acknowledging her being, well, her.
After informing her of the details, her reply pissed me off. It's not so much what she said, it was the tone in which she said it in. "Huh? Oh well." (some words were said AT her after this) Again she replied with the usual "oh he had a great life, but it was a matter of time etc....maybe it was the little blue pills he took. hahaha (Viagra)".... (Silence. You could hear crickets at my end).
This coming from the sibling who travelled back east to see our family more than any other sibling and this is her reaction?
Are you seriously kidding me with this? Get some tact, and respect for someone who always humoured your obnoxious ways. Geez. Mentioning to her that she should call the cousins and pay her respects, her reply "I'll try this weekend, if I have the time to get around to it."
"Stay classy Marcy Darcy....click" ..... Then she wonders why it's been two years since I last talked to her. (other reasons there)
Granted I was never expecting tears or dramatic reactions, but a little respect please.
If our Mum was alive, she would have been knocked into next week, I can guarantee it.
Hug your family, send random "just because" post cards, it makes a world of difference sending little pieces of your love.
Xo
Thursday, 28 October 2010
How to Break Up With......Anyone
I"m currently having a giggle over my coffee reading I Hate The Way You Eat Cereal.
It's a blog written by 3 women and some guest writers about their trial and errors in the dating world.
The Do's, The Don't's and the Oh No He Didn't!?
This particular entry made me think a little about how I've broken up with people and how I've been dumped and wondered if Silent Scorpion's - How To Break Up With Me is accurate?
Give her blog a lookie loo and let me know your input. Or better yet, let her know your input.
Happy Reading my lovely Stalkers. xo
It's a blog written by 3 women and some guest writers about their trial and errors in the dating world.
The Do's, The Don't's and the Oh No He Didn't!?
This particular entry made me think a little about how I've broken up with people and how I've been dumped and wondered if Silent Scorpion's - How To Break Up With Me is accurate?
Give her blog a lookie loo and let me know your input. Or better yet, let her know your input.
Happy Reading my lovely Stalkers. xo
Monday, 25 October 2010
I Attract Da Crazies.
I thought I left the memo to all the crazies in my last phase of building character, not to follow me here.
Alas they are crazy, so following simple instructions not to bother me in this new phase of my life would go unheard.
It starts with one, and while I believe I can stomp this one out and put her back in line, I'm not sure HOW.
It's become complicated. 1) I work with her at the museum. 2) Aside from her having no filter, I like her. 3) This will not be the first time she's run into this scenario.
She's (um we'll have to think of a name to call her - CC) highly educated, funny at times, quirky, and again, has no filter. Which is part of the reason I find her amusing. She worked hard at befriending me early on, and being painfully shy at first among some interesting characters I work with, I accepted. Never did I think our getting along at work, would cross over to outside of work. Boy did it.
First mistake, if you want to call it that, we went for drinks after work one night.
I learned more about the people I work with than I should be privileged too. I haven't formed opinions yet, however I'm weary about getting to know them on a more personal level. While I sat listening to all the gossip she'd obviously been dying to share with anyone, I started to make mental notes quickly not to share anything with her that I wouldn't say out loud for everyone to hear.
Some weeks pass, and I learn more every time. I've shared a few things, but as above, it's nothing I wouldn't say out loud for fear she could be sharing my infor with others. In addition it would be frown upon if others (my boss who is in love with her, she claims) found out we were such good friends. (um what? we're not good friends, we're work acquaintces). For all I know about the history they have together might be true (one sided story) as he is socially inept, I could care less.
As a volunteer, I receive emails from the curator (only normal person there from what I can tell) with invites for volunteers to help out, join dinners etc. This is why I volunteer there, to get to know as many people as I can and feel like I'm part of something that is contributing to a bigger picture.
My second mistake. Mentioning to CC while chatting on msn that I was also chatting with our curator too.
"WHAT?" was her first response. I explained about the emails I get as a volunteer et certa.
Now you must understand that our curator is hot. Our age and hot! In a committed long term relationship but HOT. So of course we crush on him a little. My crush on him is that it's nice to have something to look at from time to time. CC on the other hand is obsessed. I've sat for hours on end over time listening to her describe how good he looks in certain things etc. It was fun at first, but seriously, go outside and find something else to chat about.
In the past few months, I've started to notice her opinion is stronger on certain topics when it comes to me taking on more responsibilities at work. And her trying to constantly remind me that I'm a volunteer, not an employee, and by attending the volunteer dinners, and workshops will not get me liked by the other volunteers. I keep my mouth shut and observe her craziness start to take hold. I know exactly what my position is and where I stand.
My third mistake. Spent the night at her house this past weekend.
Her highschool b/f is coming for a visit and she of course is stoked, an emotional wreck with giddiness.
We grab stuff for dinner and drinks. Her place is beautiful and she pays thru the nose for it.
In all her excitement she's telling me all the things she has to do, but is only putting around and not accomplishing anything. I clean her kitchen (ew) and her floors. Thinking this will help her eliminate her nervousness about the weekend ahead.
We're having a good time which leads to the following morning, until she changes ths subject mid-conversation. "Do you believe in God?" In shock, I blink a few times, replying with "Three things I do not discuss, politics, religion and money", thinking that would be enough.
But it wasn't she pressed on. I explained I did once, however after the passing of my parents, I became mad at God and the Universe and my opinion was more along the lines of I believe in right and wrong, do not do unto others etc...... She flipped out. In her rant that God can not exists etc, I stopped listening... blah blah blah not cos I don't value other peoples views, but I never appreciate an opinion being shoved down my throat then asked why I can't see it there way. I tried my best to diffuse the increasingly hot topic with mention of "Oh look at the time, don't you have to get ready for work?"
As we're close to leaving, she randomly asks if I think her bathroom needed to be cleaned. (oh it did) I asked her to be more specific. She asked particularly about under neath the toilet seat itself. (oh it did), getting tired of the inceasingly weirdness, I said yes, the bathroom and the toilet were disgusting and really needed a cleaning.
The last straw. She blamed the mess of her bathroom and toilet on me. Cos I had used it too. (blink).
I quickly spoke up cos I'd had enough of this. "I may have used your bathroom but the cleanliness in questions wasn't a result of my usage, it had clearly been neglected for sometime." With no apologies or room for argument, I grabbed my bags and waited by the door.
Not a whole lot was said on the way home, aside from what now seemed liked forced politeness and thanking each other for the good times etc. She then asked for gas money for driving me home. Really, are you kidding me? You have to drive this distances to get to work regardless if I was in the car or not!...is what I thought to myself. But since I was hostage in her car for another 20 mins and did not need her to go off on a rant about God again or some other rant etc, I said sure and gave her $5.
At this point I can do without the $5.
As you can see I have to handle this one with gentle ease. All the little things I've learned and what I thought was funny in the beginning of our acquaintanceship has made me a little afraid to hang out with her further. To the point I may step back from volunteering all together for a bit, as I can foresee how uncomfortable she might make it. All the stories about how the coworkers and her do not get along etc, have less and less to do with them and more to do with her reactions.
From what I can gather, I'm hers. I'm her little pet that she probably thinks she can mould into what she thinks the museum needs and that without her I couldn't succeed. In reality, she needs people to dislike me more than they dislike her in order to feel appreciated at her job. Am I being narcissistic or am I on track with this one?
I need helpful suggestions and/or solutions to this asap, as I work there every Friday.
To start, I'll conveniently have plans already after work on Friday's and weekends for a while.
If all else fails, I'll talk to the curator and the my boss about working on days she's not there. (of course I'll make it sound like its due to my work schedule etc) and if that fails, then I'll have to talk with the curator directly and explain the situation and the mistake I made letting it cross the boundaries from professional courtesy to personal issues.
Alas they are crazy, so following simple instructions not to bother me in this new phase of my life would go unheard.
It starts with one, and while I believe I can stomp this one out and put her back in line, I'm not sure HOW.
It's become complicated. 1) I work with her at the museum. 2) Aside from her having no filter, I like her. 3) This will not be the first time she's run into this scenario.
She's (um we'll have to think of a name to call her - CC) highly educated, funny at times, quirky, and again, has no filter. Which is part of the reason I find her amusing. She worked hard at befriending me early on, and being painfully shy at first among some interesting characters I work with, I accepted. Never did I think our getting along at work, would cross over to outside of work. Boy did it.
First mistake, if you want to call it that, we went for drinks after work one night.
I learned more about the people I work with than I should be privileged too. I haven't formed opinions yet, however I'm weary about getting to know them on a more personal level. While I sat listening to all the gossip she'd obviously been dying to share with anyone, I started to make mental notes quickly not to share anything with her that I wouldn't say out loud for everyone to hear.
Some weeks pass, and I learn more every time. I've shared a few things, but as above, it's nothing I wouldn't say out loud for fear she could be sharing my infor with others. In addition it would be frown upon if others (my boss who is in love with her, she claims) found out we were such good friends. (um what? we're not good friends, we're work acquaintces). For all I know about the history they have together might be true (one sided story) as he is socially inept, I could care less.
As a volunteer, I receive emails from the curator (only normal person there from what I can tell) with invites for volunteers to help out, join dinners etc. This is why I volunteer there, to get to know as many people as I can and feel like I'm part of something that is contributing to a bigger picture.
My second mistake. Mentioning to CC while chatting on msn that I was also chatting with our curator too.
"WHAT?" was her first response. I explained about the emails I get as a volunteer et certa.
Now you must understand that our curator is hot. Our age and hot! In a committed long term relationship but HOT. So of course we crush on him a little. My crush on him is that it's nice to have something to look at from time to time. CC on the other hand is obsessed. I've sat for hours on end over time listening to her describe how good he looks in certain things etc. It was fun at first, but seriously, go outside and find something else to chat about.
In the past few months, I've started to notice her opinion is stronger on certain topics when it comes to me taking on more responsibilities at work. And her trying to constantly remind me that I'm a volunteer, not an employee, and by attending the volunteer dinners, and workshops will not get me liked by the other volunteers. I keep my mouth shut and observe her craziness start to take hold. I know exactly what my position is and where I stand.
My third mistake. Spent the night at her house this past weekend.
Her highschool b/f is coming for a visit and she of course is stoked, an emotional wreck with giddiness.
We grab stuff for dinner and drinks. Her place is beautiful and she pays thru the nose for it.
In all her excitement she's telling me all the things she has to do, but is only putting around and not accomplishing anything. I clean her kitchen (ew) and her floors. Thinking this will help her eliminate her nervousness about the weekend ahead.
We're having a good time which leads to the following morning, until she changes ths subject mid-conversation. "Do you believe in God?" In shock, I blink a few times, replying with "Three things I do not discuss, politics, religion and money", thinking that would be enough.
But it wasn't she pressed on. I explained I did once, however after the passing of my parents, I became mad at God and the Universe and my opinion was more along the lines of I believe in right and wrong, do not do unto others etc...... She flipped out. In her rant that God can not exists etc, I stopped listening... blah blah blah not cos I don't value other peoples views, but I never appreciate an opinion being shoved down my throat then asked why I can't see it there way. I tried my best to diffuse the increasingly hot topic with mention of "Oh look at the time, don't you have to get ready for work?"
As we're close to leaving, she randomly asks if I think her bathroom needed to be cleaned. (oh it did) I asked her to be more specific. She asked particularly about under neath the toilet seat itself. (oh it did), getting tired of the inceasingly weirdness, I said yes, the bathroom and the toilet were disgusting and really needed a cleaning.
The last straw. She blamed the mess of her bathroom and toilet on me. Cos I had used it too. (blink).
I quickly spoke up cos I'd had enough of this. "I may have used your bathroom but the cleanliness in questions wasn't a result of my usage, it had clearly been neglected for sometime." With no apologies or room for argument, I grabbed my bags and waited by the door.
Not a whole lot was said on the way home, aside from what now seemed liked forced politeness and thanking each other for the good times etc. She then asked for gas money for driving me home. Really, are you kidding me? You have to drive this distances to get to work regardless if I was in the car or not!...is what I thought to myself. But since I was hostage in her car for another 20 mins and did not need her to go off on a rant about God again or some other rant etc, I said sure and gave her $5.
At this point I can do without the $5.
As you can see I have to handle this one with gentle ease. All the little things I've learned and what I thought was funny in the beginning of our acquaintanceship has made me a little afraid to hang out with her further. To the point I may step back from volunteering all together for a bit, as I can foresee how uncomfortable she might make it. All the stories about how the coworkers and her do not get along etc, have less and less to do with them and more to do with her reactions.
From what I can gather, I'm hers. I'm her little pet that she probably thinks she can mould into what she thinks the museum needs and that without her I couldn't succeed. In reality, she needs people to dislike me more than they dislike her in order to feel appreciated at her job. Am I being narcissistic or am I on track with this one?
I need helpful suggestions and/or solutions to this asap, as I work there every Friday.
To start, I'll conveniently have plans already after work on Friday's and weekends for a while.
If all else fails, I'll talk to the curator and the my boss about working on days she's not there. (of course I'll make it sound like its due to my work schedule etc) and if that fails, then I'll have to talk with the curator directly and explain the situation and the mistake I made letting it cross the boundaries from professional courtesy to personal issues.
Monday, 18 October 2010
I WIN!!!! .....Twice.
Man did I win.
The Ex CALLED me yesterday in the middle of the day. Not a text being inappropriate, a phone call asking if I wanted to go for coffee. (Gasp, outside? In public? During the day?......are you feeling okay?)
I went. Against everything in my body said, and reviewed the backlash I'd get from friends once they found out. I went. ....and it was................GREAT!
Not great in the way we hit it off etc, it went great cos I felt NOTHING! Not one thing.
No hatred, no fluttering in my heart for him, no destine, just NOTHING, not even indifference!
I think he picked up on it, not that he was flirting or anything, but he sensed something.
Coffee was good, chat was neutral and generic.
You didn't want to spend your life with me, I think that disqualifies you from knowing intimate details about it too. Now I know that sounds bitter, but the reality is, we're never going to be real "friends" more so cos the of the circle he runs in, and he doesn't share infor on his life when asked so why should I? There is no point faking it. I made it clear I was more than happy to have coffee or a bite to eat once in awhile.
I'm over him!
I did not think I was, but now having seen him in person and not get one of those old feelings for him.
Bravo to me! :) Only took 9 months, but it happened.
We ended coffee with him walking me back to my house (he was parked there), a quick hug and peck on the mouth, and I still felt nothing. As I walked away I thought to myself it was odd to kiss him. No spark, no magic, no love. Meh. Who knew? :)
Small victory. But a huge one for the heart!
In other news.
I'm now the proud owner of a Sterns & Foster King Size bed!!!! WOOT!
...and, yup there is an, and! A Sealy pullout Love seat. (turns into a double bed)
Now neither of these are new, but barely used. Both of them are only 3 years old.
I went to a new friends house with the intentions of making an offer on the pullout. (it was the point of our visit) When I got home she had called shortly there after and offered me BOTH for under a grand!
AND....because they are not moving until December or January, they said I could make payments. Woot!
They will deliver and set it up too. WOOT WOOT! Of course there is one stipulation to it... isn't there always? lol I have to invite the g/f and her kids over once in a while to watch movies and snuggle in that bed.
DONE! I can manage that.
Happy Birthday & Merry Xmas to me x2.
I've dreamt of owning a similar bed knowing I'll never spend $4G to own a luxury bed. Now I do. :)
The bed will take up the whole room. (I'm in the smaller of the two) but I'm okay with that.
(I remain in the smaller room cos the larger bedroom shares a wall with the bedroom to the apt next door. Ew).
The Ex CALLED me yesterday in the middle of the day. Not a text being inappropriate, a phone call asking if I wanted to go for coffee. (Gasp, outside? In public? During the day?......are you feeling okay?)
I went. Against everything in my body said, and reviewed the backlash I'd get from friends once they found out. I went. ....and it was................GREAT!
Not great in the way we hit it off etc, it went great cos I felt NOTHING! Not one thing.
No hatred, no fluttering in my heart for him, no destine, just NOTHING, not even indifference!
I think he picked up on it, not that he was flirting or anything, but he sensed something.
Coffee was good, chat was neutral and generic.
You didn't want to spend your life with me, I think that disqualifies you from knowing intimate details about it too. Now I know that sounds bitter, but the reality is, we're never going to be real "friends" more so cos the of the circle he runs in, and he doesn't share infor on his life when asked so why should I? There is no point faking it. I made it clear I was more than happy to have coffee or a bite to eat once in awhile.
I'm over him!
I did not think I was, but now having seen him in person and not get one of those old feelings for him.
Bravo to me! :) Only took 9 months, but it happened.
We ended coffee with him walking me back to my house (he was parked there), a quick hug and peck on the mouth, and I still felt nothing. As I walked away I thought to myself it was odd to kiss him. No spark, no magic, no love. Meh. Who knew? :)
Small victory. But a huge one for the heart!
In other news.
I'm now the proud owner of a Sterns & Foster King Size bed!!!! WOOT!
...and, yup there is an, and! A Sealy pullout Love seat. (turns into a double bed)
Now neither of these are new, but barely used. Both of them are only 3 years old.
I went to a new friends house with the intentions of making an offer on the pullout. (it was the point of our visit) When I got home she had called shortly there after and offered me BOTH for under a grand!
AND....because they are not moving until December or January, they said I could make payments. Woot!
They will deliver and set it up too. WOOT WOOT! Of course there is one stipulation to it... isn't there always? lol I have to invite the g/f and her kids over once in a while to watch movies and snuggle in that bed.
DONE! I can manage that.
Happy Birthday & Merry Xmas to me x2.
I've dreamt of owning a similar bed knowing I'll never spend $4G to own a luxury bed. Now I do. :)
The bed will take up the whole room. (I'm in the smaller of the two) but I'm okay with that.
(I remain in the smaller room cos the larger bedroom shares a wall with the bedroom to the apt next door. Ew).
Friday, 15 October 2010
De-Friended? Un-Friended? Doesn't matter Frenemie.
I've been deleted by a friend, Frenemie on Facebook.
At first I was a little miffed, but then it quickly occurred to me how rocky our friendship had been anyways.
If you remember I wrote about our one way street friendship here Friendship dynamics, again here Taking one for the team, Girlfriend codes.
I'm not really losing out on anything by her deleting me without the courtesy of a word (although not surprised). Who needs enemies when you have friends like this? I liked her though. She is a good time when we hang out, if it suits her. Otherwise I've always had a weary vibe about her and more so in the last year when I learned what she had done last Mother's Day.
One for all, all for one. Nope. One for one in her world.
I remember when I first met her at work, I distinctly remember thinking my first week.
She is someone who is only your friend if you have something she wants.
We became friends and that thought was thrown out the window.
Don't get me wrong, there have been many good times, but it doesn't balance her selfish thinking when it comes to priorities of friends. I'm sure there are things I do that drive her completely insane. Her biggest gripe with me that I'm fully aware of is this.
I'm needy. (her words) I have high demands for my standards of friends. In short, she has always felt I'm a high maintenance friend.
Ok then. Shoot me for thinking that treating others with kindness, respect, common courtesy and concerns about their lives makes me high maintenance, then so be it. I really don't want or needs friends who scam on men you're chatting with, and never make you a priority unless they have something to gain from it.
If I think back far enough, this all started going down hill 3 years ago when I got rid of my car. Funny, when I look back, it was always me driving to her house, unless we were going surfing or going to N.Van to see a gig, then she drove. But everything else in between, nope, not interested.
I wish her well and hope her luck doesn't continue to bit her in the ass as karma has been coming around full circle for her. She makes very very bad decisions with men. Not the kind of just revisiting an ex etc. The kind that put a rock through her oven (after she took him back a second time) for whatever reason.
Inviting random men over from bars, or online dating for one night stands (oh wait, a movie and snuggle) sometimes with her child sleeping in the next room. WHO DOES THAT!?
Before you all start to jump all over her behaviour, I understand how and why she made these decisions. I do not agree with them, but I understand what drove her there. Loneliness. It's crazy the bad decisions we'll make just to feel desired and comforted for a short bit. Although you'd think inviting someone over with your (at the time) young child in the next room would snap you out of that. Now her child is grown. (he's 11yrs old), she is still making bad decisions. Maybe this is why she stop being my friend? Cos I would voice my concern for her safety and have told her that her luck will run out and worse case scenario, her child will find her dead in the morning one day. Insert rock thru oven saga a few weeks later.
I'm not bitter and I do not wish her any ill will. I want her to be happy, find love that she so desperately wants and at the same time. I hope she gets back everything she puts out into the world and hopefully, hopefully, learns from it.
I've learned bits about myself from knowing you. So thank you for that.
Otherwise, See Ya Roxy, it's been interesting but not a great loss.
At first I was a little miffed, but then it quickly occurred to me how rocky our friendship had been anyways.
If you remember I wrote about our one way street friendship here Friendship dynamics, again here Taking one for the team, Girlfriend codes.
I'm not really losing out on anything by her deleting me without the courtesy of a word (although not surprised). Who needs enemies when you have friends like this? I liked her though. She is a good time when we hang out, if it suits her. Otherwise I've always had a weary vibe about her and more so in the last year when I learned what she had done last Mother's Day.
One for all, all for one. Nope. One for one in her world.
I remember when I first met her at work, I distinctly remember thinking my first week.
She is someone who is only your friend if you have something she wants.
We became friends and that thought was thrown out the window.
Don't get me wrong, there have been many good times, but it doesn't balance her selfish thinking when it comes to priorities of friends. I'm sure there are things I do that drive her completely insane. Her biggest gripe with me that I'm fully aware of is this.
I'm needy. (her words) I have high demands for my standards of friends. In short, she has always felt I'm a high maintenance friend.
Ok then. Shoot me for thinking that treating others with kindness, respect, common courtesy and concerns about their lives makes me high maintenance, then so be it. I really don't want or needs friends who scam on men you're chatting with, and never make you a priority unless they have something to gain from it.
If I think back far enough, this all started going down hill 3 years ago when I got rid of my car. Funny, when I look back, it was always me driving to her house, unless we were going surfing or going to N.Van to see a gig, then she drove. But everything else in between, nope, not interested.
I wish her well and hope her luck doesn't continue to bit her in the ass as karma has been coming around full circle for her. She makes very very bad decisions with men. Not the kind of just revisiting an ex etc. The kind that put a rock through her oven (after she took him back a second time) for whatever reason.
Inviting random men over from bars, or online dating for one night stands (oh wait, a movie and snuggle) sometimes with her child sleeping in the next room. WHO DOES THAT!?
Before you all start to jump all over her behaviour, I understand how and why she made these decisions. I do not agree with them, but I understand what drove her there. Loneliness. It's crazy the bad decisions we'll make just to feel desired and comforted for a short bit. Although you'd think inviting someone over with your (at the time) young child in the next room would snap you out of that. Now her child is grown. (he's 11yrs old), she is still making bad decisions. Maybe this is why she stop being my friend? Cos I would voice my concern for her safety and have told her that her luck will run out and worse case scenario, her child will find her dead in the morning one day. Insert rock thru oven saga a few weeks later.
I'm not bitter and I do not wish her any ill will. I want her to be happy, find love that she so desperately wants and at the same time. I hope she gets back everything she puts out into the world and hopefully, hopefully, learns from it.
I've learned bits about myself from knowing you. So thank you for that.
Otherwise, See Ya Roxy, it's been interesting but not a great loss.
Wednesday, 13 October 2010
Hot tubs & Eating my weight in Turkey
I'm still stuffed. Yet I want more.
Monday was the Canadian Thanksgiving, however, most of us celebrate it on the Sunday which gives us a day to digest eating our weight in turkey. (I really want to experience an Amercian thanksgiving one day, apparently its a bigger deal there).
I usually go to the Island for all holidays but my friends over there have been away on a sail, working or were invited elsewhere. Then a change of plans occur, and everyone ends up being home, sans me, sans a phone call to advise that plans have changed. (As it has happened a few times now) So I've stopped relying on them to think of me and made my own plans. (This also coming from the same friend who couldn't commit to Xmas plans back in July, cos she MIGHT have a b/f by then, and would then be spending it with him and his family) HE DOESN'T EVEN EXIST YET!...anyway I digress, that's a topic for another day.
I was invited to have Thanksgiving at a friends parents house. I've been friends with this person since we were 14/15 yrs old. We bounce in and out of touch for many many reasons. But always manage to get together like this every few years. Plus her parents and family love me and do not involved themselves with whatever issues we're working thru at the time.
The spread!
I haven't really eaten anything in ways of a full meal since Sunday. There was something for everyone. Before dinner we've all sat in the hot tub at some point and have that beautiful sedated sleepy feeling
already, before dinner! Probably not the smartest move.
One person has celiac, another is Muslim and practices Halal on holidays. (Meat which is blessed and allowed by Islamic laws), another with food allergies and a diabetic etc. There was the traditional turkey and all it's fixings. Steak, salmon, halal chicken, corn on the cob, samosas.......I had a little of everything!
My stomach still hasn't forgiven me. Not to mention the desserts. Ugh. My gawd. A pumpkin pie made from a recipe from 1927 (which meant no nutmeg or all spice, but still pretty good) two different kinds of berry crumble, two kinds of jello, raspberry and chocolate mousse, chocolate chip cookies.
Of course I had a little of everything, are you kidding me?!
After dinner we grab our wine and head back to the hot tub = bliss.
I went home that night, crawled onto the couch and barely stayed awake. Monday I moved from the bed to the couch and stayed there. Still too stuffed from the evening before, I could barely drink my coffee I was so full. :)
It's been a long time since I've sat down to a spread like that.
Having another dinner this weekend, but with a vegetarian friend and no hot tubs.
It will still be bliss.
Monday was the Canadian Thanksgiving, however, most of us celebrate it on the Sunday which gives us a day to digest eating our weight in turkey. (I really want to experience an Amercian thanksgiving one day, apparently its a bigger deal there).
I usually go to the Island for all holidays but my friends over there have been away on a sail, working or were invited elsewhere. Then a change of plans occur, and everyone ends up being home, sans me, sans a phone call to advise that plans have changed. (As it has happened a few times now) So I've stopped relying on them to think of me and made my own plans. (This also coming from the same friend who couldn't commit to Xmas plans back in July, cos she MIGHT have a b/f by then, and would then be spending it with him and his family) HE DOESN'T EVEN EXIST YET!...anyway I digress, that's a topic for another day.
I was invited to have Thanksgiving at a friends parents house. I've been friends with this person since we were 14/15 yrs old. We bounce in and out of touch for many many reasons. But always manage to get together like this every few years. Plus her parents and family love me and do not involved themselves with whatever issues we're working thru at the time.
The spread!
I haven't really eaten anything in ways of a full meal since Sunday. There was something for everyone. Before dinner we've all sat in the hot tub at some point and have that beautiful sedated sleepy feeling
already, before dinner! Probably not the smartest move.
One person has celiac, another is Muslim and practices Halal on holidays. (Meat which is blessed and allowed by Islamic laws), another with food allergies and a diabetic etc. There was the traditional turkey and all it's fixings. Steak, salmon, halal chicken, corn on the cob, samosas.......I had a little of everything!
My stomach still hasn't forgiven me. Not to mention the desserts. Ugh. My gawd. A pumpkin pie made from a recipe from 1927 (which meant no nutmeg or all spice, but still pretty good) two different kinds of berry crumble, two kinds of jello, raspberry and chocolate mousse, chocolate chip cookies.
Of course I had a little of everything, are you kidding me?!
After dinner we grab our wine and head back to the hot tub = bliss.
I went home that night, crawled onto the couch and barely stayed awake. Monday I moved from the bed to the couch and stayed there. Still too stuffed from the evening before, I could barely drink my coffee I was so full. :)
It's been a long time since I've sat down to a spread like that.
Having another dinner this weekend, but with a vegetarian friend and no hot tubs.
It will still be bliss.
Wednesday, 6 October 2010
Unwritten Job Description
I thought this might make you laugh.
One of the duties of my job are to complete tasks asked of me which are in no way in ANYONES job description.
This morning I had the humiliating task (again) of walking across the street to the skytrain maintenance yard, and asking a nice gentleman to move his vehicle from our Private property.
Now here is the catcher.
EVERYONE in that maintenance yard knows not to park on our property, (see above...again) regardless the reason and/or few moments it will be there.
Today this guy had to move his truck to allow another truck to pull up (and off the road) to empty their porta potties. Of course I'm told to tell him to move otherwise we ("we" meaning me by instruction) will have him towed.
In the time it took me to walk over there, tell him, and for us to walk back (2 mins) the porta potty truck was done and gone. Seriously!!!!! 2 mins! The guy was nice to me, they always are, cos they know I'm being instructed etc.
But come on!!! I even told the owner, he's had to move cos another truck is pulling up and they know not to park here, so they wouldn't if they didn't absolutely have too..... doesn't matter. :(
We have a HUGE parking lot and less than a 1/4 is used.
But this is just about power and because they don't ask.
Why would they, we'll still say no.
Just a task of my unwritten job description.......any people wonder WHY I blog.
What kind of tasks are you asked to complete that are not in any written job descriptions?
One of the duties of my job are to complete tasks asked of me which are in no way in ANYONES job description.
This morning I had the humiliating task (again) of walking across the street to the skytrain maintenance yard, and asking a nice gentleman to move his vehicle from our Private property.
Now here is the catcher.
EVERYONE in that maintenance yard knows not to park on our property, (see above...again) regardless the reason and/or few moments it will be there.
Today this guy had to move his truck to allow another truck to pull up (and off the road) to empty their porta potties. Of course I'm told to tell him to move otherwise we ("we" meaning me by instruction) will have him towed.
In the time it took me to walk over there, tell him, and for us to walk back (2 mins) the porta potty truck was done and gone. Seriously!!!!! 2 mins! The guy was nice to me, they always are, cos they know I'm being instructed etc.
But come on!!! I even told the owner, he's had to move cos another truck is pulling up and they know not to park here, so they wouldn't if they didn't absolutely have too..... doesn't matter. :(
We have a HUGE parking lot and less than a 1/4 is used.
But this is just about power and because they don't ask.
Why would they, we'll still say no.
Just a task of my unwritten job description.......any people wonder WHY I blog.
What kind of tasks are you asked to complete that are not in any written job descriptions?
Take one for the Team. Wing wo-man, Blind dates - To Do or Do Not?
I’m against forced hook ups, blind dates and more recently learned the boundaries of taking one for the team. After reading this, answer me this.
*Are you for, against hook ups and/or blind dates?
*How far will you go for your g/f to take one for the team?
*Are there guidelines and given "outs" for the night, or are you left to fend for yourself while she does the nasty?
I'm against forced hook ups.......
My friends see what I dated in the past then have attempted to set me up with someone they wouldn't date themselves!!! So he’s not good enough for you but he is for me? Wow!?
One of which had mouth cancer. Nice guy, but I’m not about to invest into a relationship with a man who may lose his tongue, nor am I going to kiss him while it’s black and so are his gums…. (call me shallow, I simply do not care). – I rarely speak to the friend that set me up on this date anymore. Since she verbally made it known she did not think I was of caliber to date men of certain status. ...her opinion only. Wow.
I learned a lot from that set up. I no longer set people up. I have parties or group settings of sorts and inform both parties that the other will be there. If they hit it off on their own, great! If not, there are many people to mingle with, with no obligation to force a hook up cos I thought it would be good for them.
I set myself up on a blind date once. In high school I was IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT with JW.
But, he had a g/f. First year of college a g/f came to me and said there was a guy in her crim class that she thought I’d like. I was skeptic until she told me his name, I nearly pee’d my pants. It was JW. I told her only to find out if he still had a g/f and I would take care of the rest.
Upon finding out he was indeed single, I called him up and introduced myself. Made a date.
8 years later we ended our relationship. Simply cos we no longer wanted the same things for a future after we graduated college etc. (side note - it's been 12 years, we talk monthly and he's married to a doctor and just had his first child :))
I however have been the wing woman to afriend and took one for the team with a ridiculously hideous fireman, just so she could sleep with his friend. The kicker…. I woke up in the morning to find out she had left. SHE LEFT! She left me there with men we did not know. Girlfriend codes were broken on so many levels!!! Thankfully they were gentleman sans alcohol and drove me home. That's a whole new meaning to the walk of shame home when the fore mentioned has to drive you home. :(
That same g/f broke an even bigger g/f code last year, which has since changed the dynamic of our friendship forever.
It was Mother's Day, and I was having a blah day. Called her up asked her if she wanted to watch cheesy movies and eat crap all night...
1) cos we were both broke.
2) it's the comfort things girls do to cheer each other up) etc.
She claimed to be tired and was going to stay in, was low on gas, had no money etc... Fine... I get it.
Here is where the code was broken.
We're both online daters. We compare men we're talking to just so we don't cross contaminate etc. It's worked in the past, or so I thought. There was a guy I had been talking too and actually liked. It had potential.
Chatting him up that same night he told me he had a last minute date that night. (less than an hour after getting off the phone with the g/f and 11pm at night). That this random girl messaged him wanting to meet up for snuggles and a movie....for a first date!!! (code - sex).
Since we met online, I asked if she was from the same site and if he was comfortable showing me her profile. He was. Any guesses who I saw? MY FRIEND! The one who an hour before claimed to be too tired to put in friend time for the emotional wreck I was. I never said anything to either of them. (although he now knows and had he known at the time, claims he would have turned it down, thought us being friends and her contacting him was shady, even from a guys standard).
I ended contact with him shortly after he confirmed they slept together that night. (for just over a year, we've started chatting again) I stopped sharing information about the men I was talking too, with her. Actually stopped contacting her first. How many other times had she done this?
Granted it's a dating site and everyone is a free agent, but to deliberately message someone that I was into?
So she drove twice the distance pass my house to hook up with a guy she messaged only an hour earlier, that she knew I was interested in and was making lead way with.
Girlfriend codes were broken on an unforgivable level.
Before you ask me what am I doing still being friends with her, well I'm not. I've blocked her from seeing anything on my facebook (short of de-friending her all together), and went thru her facebook list of friends and harvested any men I thought were worthy. :)
I deleted them shortly there after, cos I didn't want to stoop to her level on a permanent basis.
She calls me from time to time. I reply in the same amount of time it takes her to reply to me.
And I use her own excuses back on her.
The following are excuses she's used for not returning calls, msn, texts, or emails.
*Too many electronic options to contact ppl, its overwhelming.
*I didn't get the msg.
*Phone died.
*I didn't have anything to say etc
*Wasn't in the mood to talk.
I took a few lessons from having thisgirlfriend, friend, person do these things.
So something good came from it.
*Are you for, against hook ups and/or blind dates?
*How far will you go for your g/f to take one for the team?
*Are there guidelines and given "outs" for the night, or are you left to fend for yourself while she does the nasty?
I'm against forced hook ups.......
My friends see what I dated in the past then have attempted to set me up with someone they wouldn't date themselves!!! So he’s not good enough for you but he is for me? Wow!?
One of which had mouth cancer. Nice guy, but I’m not about to invest into a relationship with a man who may lose his tongue, nor am I going to kiss him while it’s black and so are his gums…. (call me shallow, I simply do not care). – I rarely speak to the friend that set me up on this date anymore. Since she verbally made it known she did not think I was of caliber to date men of certain status. ...her opinion only. Wow.
I learned a lot from that set up. I no longer set people up. I have parties or group settings of sorts and inform both parties that the other will be there. If they hit it off on their own, great! If not, there are many people to mingle with, with no obligation to force a hook up cos I thought it would be good for them.
I set myself up on a blind date once. In high school I was IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT with JW.
But, he had a g/f. First year of college a g/f came to me and said there was a guy in her crim class that she thought I’d like. I was skeptic until she told me his name, I nearly pee’d my pants. It was JW. I told her only to find out if he still had a g/f and I would take care of the rest.
Upon finding out he was indeed single, I called him up and introduced myself. Made a date.
8 years later we ended our relationship. Simply cos we no longer wanted the same things for a future after we graduated college etc. (side note - it's been 12 years, we talk monthly and he's married to a doctor and just had his first child :))
I however have been the wing woman to a
That same g/f broke an even bigger g/f code last year, which has since changed the dynamic of our friendship forever.
It was Mother's Day, and I was having a blah day. Called her up asked her if she wanted to watch cheesy movies and eat crap all night...
1) cos we were both broke.
2) it's the comfort things girls do to cheer each other up) etc.
She claimed to be tired and was going to stay in, was low on gas, had no money etc... Fine... I get it.
Here is where the code was broken.
We're both online daters. We compare men we're talking to just so we don't cross contaminate etc. It's worked in the past, or so I thought. There was a guy I had been talking too and actually liked. It had potential.
Chatting him up that same night he told me he had a last minute date that night. (less than an hour after getting off the phone with the g/f and 11pm at night). That this random girl messaged him wanting to meet up for snuggles and a movie....for a first date!!! (code - sex).
Since we met online, I asked if she was from the same site and if he was comfortable showing me her profile. He was. Any guesses who I saw? MY FRIEND! The one who an hour before claimed to be too tired to put in friend time for the emotional wreck I was. I never said anything to either of them. (although he now knows and had he known at the time, claims he would have turned it down, thought us being friends and her contacting him was shady, even from a guys standard).
I ended contact with him shortly after he confirmed they slept together that night. (for just over a year, we've started chatting again) I stopped sharing information about the men I was talking too, with her. Actually stopped contacting her first. How many other times had she done this?
Granted it's a dating site and everyone is a free agent, but to deliberately message someone that I was into?
So she drove twice the distance pass my house to hook up with a guy she messaged only an hour earlier, that she knew I was interested in and was making lead way with.
Girlfriend codes were broken on an unforgivable level.
Before you ask me what am I doing still being friends with her, well I'm not. I've blocked her from seeing anything on my facebook (short of de-friending her all together), and went thru her facebook list of friends and harvested any men I thought were worthy. :)
I deleted them shortly there after, cos I didn't want to stoop to her level on a permanent basis.
She calls me from time to time. I reply in the same amount of time it takes her to reply to me.
And I use her own excuses back on her.
The following are excuses she's used for not returning calls, msn, texts, or emails.
*Too many electronic options to contact ppl, its overwhelming.
*I didn't get the msg.
*Phone died.
*I didn't have anything to say etc
*Wasn't in the mood to talk.
I took a few lessons from having this
So something good came from it.
Tuesday, 5 October 2010
Food for Thought
Someone asked me the other week why I read and write blogs.
She had an opinion that wasn't wrong, however my opinion was different.
"It's just random fluff, like mini romance or drama stories" she said.
That's one way to look at it.
I explained that I read a wide variety of blogs to suit every layer of my onion.
Romance, porn like, silly, drama, tech stuff, dating gone bad blogs, mummy blogs, and musicians who write giving readers an insight to the vulnerabilities and insecurities they experience that may give them the lyrical concepts. It's all food for thought.
It provokes thought, angst, sadness, intrigues me to think outside the box or simply to have a good giggle at someone elses expense. It's not really different from how you chose a novel to read, but with a twist.
The Blogging World allows you to be interactive with it's authors and remain anonymous if you chose, (Which in essence allows you to write uncensored), and some times those people cross over from blog world to real life friends, or at least facebook friends/acquaintances. Based on mutual respect, or simply as having something in common that you want to reminisce about from time to time. Even if you write only for yourself, it unleashes whatever is on your chest and puts it out there for others to read, give input with a truly unbias opinion.
That is why I read and blog.
Blogging is like owning a Volkswagon.
There is no grey area, you either love it or hate it.
That same person started a blog the following week. :)
She had an opinion that wasn't wrong, however my opinion was different.
"It's just random fluff, like mini romance or drama stories" she said.
That's one way to look at it.
I explained that I read a wide variety of blogs to suit every layer of my onion.
Romance, porn like, silly, drama, tech stuff, dating gone bad blogs, mummy blogs, and musicians who write giving readers an insight to the vulnerabilities and insecurities they experience that may give them the lyrical concepts. It's all food for thought.
It provokes thought, angst, sadness, intrigues me to think outside the box or simply to have a good giggle at someone elses expense. It's not really different from how you chose a novel to read, but with a twist.
The Blogging World allows you to be interactive with it's authors and remain anonymous if you chose, (Which in essence allows you to write uncensored), and some times those people cross over from blog world to real life friends, or at least facebook friends/acquaintances. Based on mutual respect, or simply as having something in common that you want to reminisce about from time to time. Even if you write only for yourself, it unleashes whatever is on your chest and puts it out there for others to read, give input with a truly unbias opinion.
That is why I read and blog.
Blogging is like owning a Volkswagon.
There is no grey area, you either love it or hate it.
That same person started a blog the following week. :)
Monday, 4 October 2010
Follow Peter Shankman! Why? Cos otherwise you'll miss out on so much brain porn!
If you do not follow the amazing Peter Shankman you're missing out on learning something.
He wrote the following that was published in The Huffington Post.
I was at a conference this weekend in Las Vegas -- It's bad enough to fight with the recycled air, the perfumed-at-50-degrees conference rooms, and the endless fried foods that pass for "healthy," but you add in 200 people who have absolutely no clue how to network, and it's enough to make you pull an Ocean's Eleven and sneak out of the hotel in an ambulance.
Here are the top five ways to not screw up your next networking opportunity.
1) Networking doesn't begin when you get to the conference, it begins the second you leave your house.
Anyone is a potential hiring manager, client, or customer.
True story: I was behind a real jackass at a ticket counter for an international flight last year. At one point, he actually had the nerve to say "Well, I work for company XYZ (A big global company), and I can make sure that we never give you any business again if you don't fix my problem," or something just as arrogant. At that point, the person behind me walked up to him, and said quietly "What's your name?" The arrogant slob said "Why do you care, pal?" To which the first gentleman said "Because I'm senior executive vice president at [said big global company,] and I won't have anyone sullying our good name with their petty bullshit."
I'm pretty sure the arrogant guy doesn't work for the company anymore. In today's world, you've simply got to be on your best behavior. I can promise you, if you're a screaming jerk at check-in, or on the rental car bus, or virtually anywhere, and I happen to be there, I'll be the guy with the FlipCam, posting your idiot rant onto YouTube. Why? Because I can. You don't want to be the guy in the video. Besides -- I know a lot of people -- What if I know your boss? Or what if you find me one day as the guy doing the hiring?
2) Turns out, "It doesn't always have to be about you!" is actually a good comment. As we sit down at the conference lunch, I don't need to know what you do, how well you do it, how many awards you've received for doing it, and how you're pretty sure you can do it for me if I'd simply pay you to, all before I've had sip one of my watered down iced tea.
Here's a thought -- Try making it about someone else for a change -- Instead of sitting down and launching into your pre-rehearsed litany of how great you are, what about shutting up and listening once in a while? Put the business-card-Uzi away, and don't rapid fire them to anyone within range. You know how it seems how some people are only listening to find a break in the conversation so they can talk? Don't be that person. Ask questions! It's the ultimate way to learn, and allows you the opportunity to actually contribute something of value to the conversation, as opposed to the spiel of your latest victory. Remember: Value gets remembered, verbal diarrhea simply gets recalled -- and not in a good way.
3) Going up to the speaker at the end of her speech ensures only one thing: You'll be one of a hundred people going up to the speaker at the end of her speech. So rather than giving yourself the opportunity to not get noticed in the slightest, why not buck the crowd? Find the speaker twenty minutes before they go on stage, and introduce yourself. On your business card, write "I'm the one who met you before your speech. You'll be remembered.
4) Do something different: My business card is a poker chip. You can't scan it in, you don't want to throw it out. You keep it on your desk and play with it. I've seen other business cards that were actual credit cards, bottle openers -- Anything but a boring piece of cardboard. Try and be original. If you're creative enough to give me something I'll remember, chances are I'll want to do some business with you.
5) Finally -- Be wary of making the leap from "Met you at the conference" to "Friending you on Facebook so you can see photos of me in my speedo." Until Facebook becomes the norm and networking is ubiquitous with it, (probably 24 months) there are still people wary of it. And until you learn what to post online and what not to post, remember that not everyone is going to assume that a FB connection request is either a) acceptable or b) worth their time. We'll get there, but we're not there yet. We'll eventually learn what's acceptable and what's not -- because in the end, we'll only have one network -- It'll have everyone in our lives, both business and professional, and we'll have to be smart enough to know that what we post can be seen by everyone, forever. Until we are, asking a potential business contact who doesn't know you that well to till your crops on Farmville is just asking for trouble. (And massive ridicule.)
6) Bonus rule: It's no one's fault but your own if your personal or professional brand isn't seen as you want it. It's not Facebook's fault, it's not Twitter's fault, it's not LinkedIn's fault -- It's your fault. Make sure to keep up appearances as you want them to be. Otherwise, you've got no one to blame but yourself.
Peter Shankman sold his social media company HARO (http://helpareporter.com) to Vocus, Inc. in June of this year. He spends the majority of his time tweeting as @petershankman, and doesn't take his Blackberry with him if he's going to be drinking. He blogs at http://shankman.com
Follow Peter Shankman on Twitter: www.twitter.com/petershankman
He wrote the following that was published in The Huffington Post.
I was at a conference this weekend in Las Vegas -- It's bad enough to fight with the recycled air, the perfumed-at-50-degrees conference rooms, and the endless fried foods that pass for "healthy," but you add in 200 people who have absolutely no clue how to network, and it's enough to make you pull an Ocean's Eleven and sneak out of the hotel in an ambulance.
Here are the top five ways to not screw up your next networking opportunity.
1) Networking doesn't begin when you get to the conference, it begins the second you leave your house.
Anyone is a potential hiring manager, client, or customer.
True story: I was behind a real jackass at a ticket counter for an international flight last year. At one point, he actually had the nerve to say "Well, I work for company XYZ (A big global company), and I can make sure that we never give you any business again if you don't fix my problem," or something just as arrogant. At that point, the person behind me walked up to him, and said quietly "What's your name?" The arrogant slob said "Why do you care, pal?" To which the first gentleman said "Because I'm senior executive vice president at [said big global company,] and I won't have anyone sullying our good name with their petty bullshit."
I'm pretty sure the arrogant guy doesn't work for the company anymore. In today's world, you've simply got to be on your best behavior. I can promise you, if you're a screaming jerk at check-in, or on the rental car bus, or virtually anywhere, and I happen to be there, I'll be the guy with the FlipCam, posting your idiot rant onto YouTube. Why? Because I can. You don't want to be the guy in the video. Besides -- I know a lot of people -- What if I know your boss? Or what if you find me one day as the guy doing the hiring?
2) Turns out, "It doesn't always have to be about you!" is actually a good comment. As we sit down at the conference lunch, I don't need to know what you do, how well you do it, how many awards you've received for doing it, and how you're pretty sure you can do it for me if I'd simply pay you to, all before I've had sip one of my watered down iced tea.
Here's a thought -- Try making it about someone else for a change -- Instead of sitting down and launching into your pre-rehearsed litany of how great you are, what about shutting up and listening once in a while? Put the business-card-Uzi away, and don't rapid fire them to anyone within range. You know how it seems how some people are only listening to find a break in the conversation so they can talk? Don't be that person. Ask questions! It's the ultimate way to learn, and allows you the opportunity to actually contribute something of value to the conversation, as opposed to the spiel of your latest victory. Remember: Value gets remembered, verbal diarrhea simply gets recalled -- and not in a good way.
3) Going up to the speaker at the end of her speech ensures only one thing: You'll be one of a hundred people going up to the speaker at the end of her speech. So rather than giving yourself the opportunity to not get noticed in the slightest, why not buck the crowd? Find the speaker twenty minutes before they go on stage, and introduce yourself. On your business card, write "I'm the one who met you before your speech. You'll be remembered.
4) Do something different: My business card is a poker chip. You can't scan it in, you don't want to throw it out. You keep it on your desk and play with it. I've seen other business cards that were actual credit cards, bottle openers -- Anything but a boring piece of cardboard. Try and be original. If you're creative enough to give me something I'll remember, chances are I'll want to do some business with you.
5) Finally -- Be wary of making the leap from "Met you at the conference" to "Friending you on Facebook so you can see photos of me in my speedo." Until Facebook becomes the norm and networking is ubiquitous with it, (probably 24 months) there are still people wary of it. And until you learn what to post online and what not to post, remember that not everyone is going to assume that a FB connection request is either a) acceptable or b) worth their time. We'll get there, but we're not there yet. We'll eventually learn what's acceptable and what's not -- because in the end, we'll only have one network -- It'll have everyone in our lives, both business and professional, and we'll have to be smart enough to know that what we post can be seen by everyone, forever. Until we are, asking a potential business contact who doesn't know you that well to till your crops on Farmville is just asking for trouble. (And massive ridicule.)
6) Bonus rule: It's no one's fault but your own if your personal or professional brand isn't seen as you want it. It's not Facebook's fault, it's not Twitter's fault, it's not LinkedIn's fault -- It's your fault. Make sure to keep up appearances as you want them to be. Otherwise, you've got no one to blame but yourself.
Peter Shankman sold his social media company HARO (http://helpareporter.com) to Vocus, Inc. in June of this year. He spends the majority of his time tweeting as @petershankman, and doesn't take his Blackberry with him if he's going to be drinking. He blogs at http://shankman.com
Follow Peter Shankman on Twitter: www.twitter.com/petershankman
Saturday, 2 October 2010
Sex in the City Marathon - Loves Stinks.
It's Saturday, and I'm blogging from home.
Mostly out of boredom and/or the fact the thoughts in my head will not last til Monday.
I'm still recovering from the 48 stomach bug that has held my body hostage, so I've opted out of my weekend plans to lay on the couch, watch really bad TV, sit in the sun with my coffee with no rush to go anywhere, read a book on local ghosts and hauntings, and of course, watch the sex in the city marathon, then the movie.
Which brings me to now.....
The last two weeks I've been moping over the ex. Just a bump in the whole recovery process. I mean you don't spend 13 on/off years with someone and turn off your feelings like a light switch cos he decided he did not want to spend the rest of his life with you. Douche.
I miss him. I hate that I do, cos I don't want to, but I do.
Then something occurred to me. Slipped my mind for a moment, or two.
He stopped sharing his life with me a long long time ago. He stopped loving me a long time ago. As it turns out, I loved him enough for the both of us. It just wasn't mutual.
And now.... I'm becoming bitter and jaded about all those years.
I was so blinded by his charm, and shithead antics, balanced with all the great things and "just because" he'd do. I couldn't see the relationship was over before it was officially over.
Watching SINTC I'm reminded that I'm the biggest cynic about love and yet, the biggest hopeless romantic. Oxymoron or hypocrite?
I'm Miranda and Carrie all rolled into one. Is it any wonder I'm a loss cause?
I would like to say he's in the past, but he's not. We have mutual friends.
Friends who are closer with him now cos they are best friends with his g/f.
(The one he's with when we're "off" again)
They all work together, well inter-linked from client/agent relationship etc.
It's how we all met.
I've made it clear I never want to hear about him. Please don't ask me if I want to know the latest, cos I'm not asking. At the same time I feel bad a little, cos in essence, I've asked my friends to censor a part of their lives around me.
The solution: Fade those people out of my life. What? It's going to happen anyways as a natural process. These friends are a bigger part of that circle now cos of the connection with the g/f.
Explain to me how I lose friends cos he's not dating one from their circle.
Is this normal? Anyone else go thru this?
I love LOVE and everything that has to do with love.
I've been in love twice. I've had 3 boyfriends, 2 of which were long term.
The 3rd was a booty call on/off for the last twenty years. When we were both single, we'd magically find each other and pick up where we left off. No games. No strings. We were friends. No one had to know about our past. I do refer to him as a b/f cos we dated in high school.
Yes I'm capable of a healthy booty call. I'm currently in the process of setting up an ongoing booty call with a guy I'm not attracted too.... but more about that later.
I'm tired of being sad, feeling rejected by the one person who I thought truly got me.
Parts of me feel like I'll never find someone again, almost like I'm not deserving of finding love, cos I'm almost 40 and couldn't make this work.
Know how I know when I really dig someone? I want to cook for them.
I mean I get excited to woo them with my skills that I rarely show.
I cook for my friends, but I don't wow them with anything, and that is a whole other kind of intimacy being created anyway.
I guess what all this rambling is getting to the point of asking. How long am I going to feel hurt over this? I've been rejected before, but somehow this is different, and why such a delay in the grief?
Us not being together is a healthy thing, I know this.
But it doesn't hurt any less cos of it.
...OK I'm going to stop here, I'm not making any more sense. The thoughts and paragraphs are in my head, however, they are not translating properly from brain topen, paper, the blog.
Mostly out of boredom and/or the fact the thoughts in my head will not last til Monday.
I'm still recovering from the 48 stomach bug that has held my body hostage, so I've opted out of my weekend plans to lay on the couch, watch really bad TV, sit in the sun with my coffee with no rush to go anywhere, read a book on local ghosts and hauntings, and of course, watch the sex in the city marathon, then the movie.
Which brings me to now.....
The last two weeks I've been moping over the ex. Just a bump in the whole recovery process. I mean you don't spend 13 on/off years with someone and turn off your feelings like a light switch cos he decided he did not want to spend the rest of his life with you. Douche.
I miss him. I hate that I do, cos I don't want to, but I do.
Then something occurred to me. Slipped my mind for a moment, or two.
He stopped sharing his life with me a long long time ago. He stopped loving me a long time ago. As it turns out, I loved him enough for the both of us. It just wasn't mutual.
And now.... I'm becoming bitter and jaded about all those years.
I was so blinded by his charm, and shithead antics, balanced with all the great things and "just because" he'd do. I couldn't see the relationship was over before it was officially over.
Watching SINTC I'm reminded that I'm the biggest cynic about love and yet, the biggest hopeless romantic. Oxymoron or hypocrite?
I'm Miranda and Carrie all rolled into one. Is it any wonder I'm a loss cause?
I would like to say he's in the past, but he's not. We have mutual friends.
Friends who are closer with him now cos they are best friends with his g/f.
(The one he's with when we're "off" again)
They all work together, well inter-linked from client/agent relationship etc.
It's how we all met.
I've made it clear I never want to hear about him. Please don't ask me if I want to know the latest, cos I'm not asking. At the same time I feel bad a little, cos in essence, I've asked my friends to censor a part of their lives around me.
The solution: Fade those people out of my life. What? It's going to happen anyways as a natural process. These friends are a bigger part of that circle now cos of the connection with the g/f.
Explain to me how I lose friends cos he's not dating one from their circle.
Is this normal? Anyone else go thru this?
I love LOVE and everything that has to do with love.
I've been in love twice. I've had 3 boyfriends, 2 of which were long term.
The 3rd was a booty call on/off for the last twenty years. When we were both single, we'd magically find each other and pick up where we left off. No games. No strings. We were friends. No one had to know about our past. I do refer to him as a b/f cos we dated in high school.
Yes I'm capable of a healthy booty call. I'm currently in the process of setting up an ongoing booty call with a guy I'm not attracted too.... but more about that later.
I'm tired of being sad, feeling rejected by the one person who I thought truly got me.
Parts of me feel like I'll never find someone again, almost like I'm not deserving of finding love, cos I'm almost 40 and couldn't make this work.
Know how I know when I really dig someone? I want to cook for them.
I mean I get excited to woo them with my skills that I rarely show.
I cook for my friends, but I don't wow them with anything, and that is a whole other kind of intimacy being created anyway.
I guess what all this rambling is getting to the point of asking. How long am I going to feel hurt over this? I've been rejected before, but somehow this is different, and why such a delay in the grief?
Us not being together is a healthy thing, I know this.
But it doesn't hurt any less cos of it.
...OK I'm going to stop here, I'm not making any more sense. The thoughts and paragraphs are in my head, however, they are not translating properly from brain to
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)