My Friends Humble Me.

This entry is from another blog that I wrote many years ago.
Since I have nothing to write about and both my parents anniversaries just past, this seems fitting.
Hope you enjoy it.

I've recently been listening to Edwin's new Cd. and a few songs hit home for me more than others...


"Eyes of an child", is the song that brought me to these memories and made me have a long over due cry for my parents.  Just days before my mum passed away, she would have these moments of clarity in her comfortable morphine state.

Tina and Laurie both had special bonds with my mum, I never questioned it and just always let it be. Mrs.D is what most called her.  Anyways, Tina was in the hospital room with my family and I, and happened to be standing beside her when she woke. My mum mistaken her for Laurie... (both have dark hair and same stature).

Mum woke and grabbed Tina's hand thanking "Laurie" for all the angels she gave her over the years and that she will always be remembered and have a special place in her heart... they had a unspoken share and love for angles for their own reasons. Tina just held her hand and gracefully said, "you're welcome".

My one sister that was in the room was about to jump to to tell mum that this was Tina not Laurie, as my friend Angela touched my sisters arm and just shook her head NO. no words were spoken....
I think my sister knew at that moment, finally.. it wasn't about HER.

When mum finally did pass away, she just looked like she was sleeping and sort of happy... something was missing.. she wasn't "resting" even the nurses said.. "she's sticking around, someone hasn't made it here to say goodbye".....the nurse had no idea how right she was, it was Laurie.

She had got caught in traffic. She finally arrived and I gave her and my mum some time to say goodbye. The nurses' at St.Mary's were amazing and gave us (Family had left by now) all the time we needed, even though it had been many many hours after family had come and gone.

When she was done, I went back to spend time with my mum. It was the hardest thing to sit there knowing if I walked out of the room, I'd never see her again.. Trying to take in all the smells, good and bad... and yes for those that don't know, death has a smell. Not gross, just one you'll never forget.

Looking at her, I knew it was Laurie she was waiting for. She was now looking rested, peaceful, and now gone. Now she could run in the fields with one her sisters that she said was waiting for her, as they did as kids. (We originally thought it was the drugs in her last days.. we now know much better).

After the death of a loved one, I now KNOW that the mind, soul and body are indeed separate.
Her body was gone, but her soul was there until the last person paid their respects.

Fast forward a few years.......

I've self destructed and getting into all sorts of trouble then sought professional help. In reality it was only 6 months later but felt like years.

I've met Jenny (2 years later) thru a new job and instantly had a connection. Barely knowing each other, we went surfing for a weekend in Tofino. Met up with Tina since at the time she was working for a developer there and met up with us. While at lunch, Jen asked about my parents and Tina jumped in right away telling these great stories of my mum. :) Then to look over and see her crying made myself and Jenny tear up. I had no idea that at this point (years past) it had effected her this way. At that very moment, I knew the impact my mum had on my friends, and felt loved and safe again.

I met Tina's parents a few years ago, her mummy sent me a wonderful phone message saying that if I ever needed anything she was there for me. Of course I'd never take her up on it, I'm not that type of person.
Finally met her, and instantly LOVED her mum and knew the kind of person she was. She walked up to me (First time meeting) and just hugged me, like only a mum can. I cried like I've never before. This was my new family.  Tina and her sister have always been good to me, now her mum, dad and sisters wife had just opened their arms and home to me to allow me to be a spazz in a safe environment.

Since then I've spent ever holiday with that family.. they are my family.
My friends are my chosen family.

Fast forward 4 years...

We put Dad in a home a year later, he had Alzheimer's. Totally different kind of loss. I was not the best daughter when it came to visiting him in the home we put him in. The first one, he wasn't on the right floor, (He needed 24 hours supervision and was on a semi independent floor due to shortage of beds) he wouldn't wear his diaper and slipped and fell in his own urine. The first time hitting his head, the second time breaking his hip... needless to say my oldest brother coughed up the difference to put him in a private home with much better care.

Once we moved him, I only visited him two times. I justified it at the time. I just COULDN'T watch another parent wither away into nothing then die. So my siblings respected it and still very angry about my mum death, I couldn't see ahead how it would effect me later in life.

Enter my friends....

I got the call at work that he passed away and tried SOOOO hard to hold it together. I had just been promoted into a new management position for a brand new department. I then broke down, at work. I walked to the bathroom and crumbled to the ground. I had no control, my hands were waving about and hyper ventilating.

MY BOSS happened to be in one of the stalls. When you're that grief stricken, you don't think about how you look to anyone, but they handled me with such care...
I'm not one for drugs, ... but gawd bless Candis's soul for sedating me with Valium.

We're now at the home and my siblings are squawking about what to dress my father in. My oldest sister picks out some HORRIBLE outfit stripes and plaid.... oh gawd... my niece says soooo seriously and loudly. OVER HIS DEAD BODY YOU WILL NOT DRESS HIM THAT!!!!
Everyone looked at her gasping, like she killed him herself... I laughed out loud, more like a cackle. It was the best thing I've heard all day. lol

Not sure when I called my friends or when they arrived, but a few days before we were at the home and I couldn't bare to touch my dad, talk to him, anything. Connie walked up to him held his hand and talked to him.... (We've always looked a lot alike.. mistaken for each other by both sides of the family).
In my head she was being me. I couldn't do it.
I don't think I ever did touch him. kiss him goodbye , (I'm sure I did though).
I was scared for my mental health and just couldn't do it again...

In the end, as time passes, songs like Edwin's "Eyes of a child" bring me to tears and to my knees.
I kill myself more and more wishing I had handled it better, and wonder if my dad knew. Knew I why I couldn't bare to be too close to him when he got sick.

I know when the days I did see him, he didn't know who I was or when I arrived, then would have a moment of clarity and say "HI Sami.. how are you"? Then 10 mins later ask if I was his nurse. It killed me.
Now years later, maybe survivors guilt of sorts, I wish I had just sucked it up and said the things I wanted to in his ear, like I did my mum in her last days.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I could take it back, do it differently, for my own mental health. I have to make myself believe that he knew. He was the strong silent type and was far from stupid.

So Dad, I'm sorry I didn't say it earlier. I'm so very proud of you, who you are, the things you did for our family our mum, raising me to not be a hellian and ended up on the straight and narrow. For being the strong silent type, the provider, and for raising me in your own ways but teaching me lessons the hard way rather than just giving me shit. For beating my ass when I was young and got in serious trouble.. (Never made that mistake twice). For loving my crazy siblings, and my mum. Without you, life would have been a whole lot different. For teaching me about cars, tools, how to cut grass, the environment, money, and giving me the freedom to be bad to a certain extent. Introducing me to Newcastle beer when I was of age, and watching Hurling together. Smoking your pipe with cheery tobacco & stinking up the house. But now, it makes me smile to see an elderly man sitting smoking a pipe. I always sit near them and strike a conversation of sorts just to be near them for a bit.

My friends think I'm crazy, but know there is more than meets the eyes when I do shit like this and never call me out on it.... those are my friends.

I recently met someone here on myspace and our friendship is blossoming like those of friends I have now... she told me recently that she was looking forward to building strong relationships with strong brilliant women(Something among those lines) and it made me realize that I haven't thanked my friends enough lately for just being them, for loving me when I'm crazy, sane and everything in between.

I hope that I'm lucky enough to be half the person my friends are to me.

My friends are my chosen family.

My friends humble me.

RAIN

I think I'm in love with Rain.

The weather, not the Beatles Musical.

Vancouver is never short on the wet stuff and recently we're getting our spring rains late in the season.

I also take transit so when it rains, I usually loath it that much more.

But lately there is something great about the way the rain makes me feel. Almost nolstogic.

Reminds me of camping/surfing in Tofino or anywhere for that matter.

Everything is so fresh and awake, calm, cool, and blissfully relaxing.

Ya maybe I just dipped into the freak part of me, I'm just happier in general when its raining like this.

Maybe I'm just jonzing to go camping? 

Happy Friday Dear Readers!

~Being Samiantha 

Loving Life....at the moment

Hello Dear Readers!!!

Sorry I've been away, I haven't had much to write about and have been busy, well having a life. :)

Here are some updates.

Roommate:
Whislt I love having her there, its becoming harder to enjoy her company lately.  Not sure whether it's cos she's just exuding the stress she's under or what.  It's hard to feel like a good friend at times when it doesnt seem like she's helping herself. (she is trying though) Hope things start to look up for her soon.

I"M OUT OF DEBT! well almost, I"M 95% OUT OF DEBT!!! WOOOOOOOT
I tell ya, so much hard work, it was worth it. And to have just a little financial security to fall back on if anything should arise, is comforting.

Men:
no update here, I think men are stupid for the most part.
All the men in my life, friends or otherwise, are all cheating, lying to their spouses or jerking around women for fun. *sigh* Hello singlehood, we'll be here for a while.

Work:
A while back I applied for a volunteer position at a local museum.... I got the position I applied for. :)
With that, my current employer decided to give me a raise.... One I didnt ask for. One significant enough that I'll actually see the difference on my cheques and not see it go to taxes. WOOT

Life:
With all the negative energy/people surrounding me lately, I've somehow been able to rise above it and carry on. It still affects me a little, cos I care about those invovled, but I've decided it doesn't have to pull me down too. 

I think you're all up to date now. :)

CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT

I stole this title from "A Babe In The Making". I"m sure she will understand.

I do not have a whole lot to blog about in regards to my dating life, cos it's non existent at the moment.

Instead, I've been acutely aware of change. Change is everywhere. In my life, my friends, my family, work, etc. With that being said, the next dew entries will be about small, large, not worth mentioning "change(s)".

Part 1.
I've become aware that I have no arrangements for my final resting spot in life.
Morbid? Maybe. A necessity? Definitely.

After my parents passed away, I realized just how important it is to have taken care of the financial responsibilities regarding your own death. Sure having a will is one thing, but I refuse to put forward that kind of burden on my love ones I've left behind.
My friends,family, spouse etc will be able to grieve, party, tell bad embarrassing stories at my expense, rather than having to worry about if they can afford to cremate me.

I've decided the following. These are my wishes.
I want to be cremated.
All those important to me, surviving me will receive a piece of me to do what they wish.
Drop me in the ocean, travel with me and leave me somewhere,leave me on a shelf in your home and talk to me, make tea out me, or snort me for all I care.
As long as those left behind are to continue celebrating life, can have closure and a say on how I'm deposited back to the universe, they will now be able to do so.
Their way.
Without a fight of who thinks what is best. I'm telling you now, THIS IS BEST.
Do it or I will haunt your ass.

Regardless what anyone else thinks, this is a very responsible move.
Although I have a tone of questions about where, how, when, who, etc. I've made an appointment with my local funeral home to ask and learn.

Anyone who is able, should do something about these arrangements while you're financially in the position to do so.

Part 2.
Back to change.
It is everywhere. I recently was talking to my extended family (aka Momm) and we got on the topic of how at a certain age we tend to think our lives are set. Friends, home, mental health, job/career etc are all stable.

What I forget and continue to learn about myself and my friends is, we are all reading the same novel, but we're all on different chapters. Some at the beginning, some in the middle, some closer to the end.

My point is, we will eventually all arrive on the same page again and move on or back again and on going. I just hope my friends and I, although on different chapters through out life, remain in the same novel together over time.

Thats all for now.... to be continued

Being Samiantha

The beginning of my Mid Life Crisis.

I was talking with my work wife today and the changes I’ve been experiences in the last few months.

Oh shut up, not those “changes” I’m still a few years off from that and I’ve had all my testing to be sure its still a few years away.

Recently on my b-day I had a conversation with AW. At the time he had no idea the things running through my head, however during conversations at our table, he got on the topic of how he felt major changes started to occur in his life after he turned 37 (year earlier) and it was a force he couldn’t describe, just felt it.

I am going through these changes now and have been trying hard to articulate what it is I’m feeling. If not for anyone else, solely for myself, so I can wrap my head around it and get a grip.

Here are a few of the topics = changes. Aka mid life crisis.

Turning 37, things I found tolerable in so many spectrums are no longer tolerable.

~ I could date men younger than myself, as long as they were driven had goals, on their way to being financially stable, etc. NOW… that’s no longer acceptable. They HAVE to be stable. (Even if I’m not, but I’m working on it)

~They had to be mature. Being silly is okay, but you can still be mature when being the biggest dork on the planet.

~Being/acting “cute” as a way of getting what you want, doesn’t work for me, it down right pisses me off, and to the point you may just get punched in the neck.

~ Real stupidity. Just deserves a punch in the neck.

~ Defending “Not wanting kids”, and finding a spouse.
Harder than you think. I’m 37. I’m NOT having kids, it’s a deal breaker, not negotiable. Whoever I end up with has to get a vasectomy.
And NO I won’t change my mind.

I’ll explain WHY to those who need to know, but extremely tired of people asking me and then……..
1) Telling me I’ll change my mind
2) Behaving like I owe them an explanation why.
3) Asking me “are you sure, maybe you’re scared”

Okay first of all, it’s MY decision to make for my life, not you. Telling me I’ll change my mind? Really you know this for a fact?
Am I an evil hag now, cos I’m going against what society says I’m “supposed” to do? If I am, well too bad for you, it’s still my life, my body, my decision, and if you think less of me for it, we can’t be friends. No I’m not afraid of being a mother, or having kids. I have my reasons.

~I want more from my job.
This one is currently eating me alive at the moment. I’m bored. I do not have the work load I was hired to do. I like my boss, but it has to stop being about them and more about me. If I tell them I’m unsatisfied with my position, they will say “oh well, you knew it was a slow position when you took it”…. Well ya, but I was also for a specific work load I’ve never been given.
1) So basically if I speak up, I’ll shoot myself in the foot.
2) If I stay and keep quiet, I’ll turn bitter. Really bitter. I don’t want to go there.
3) Looking for a new job is hard when all that is available out there is for 3rd year university students or grad students for $10-$12/per hour. SERIOUSLY?
I make way more than that and I do NOTHING all day and its still pennies. And the shitty thing is, that there is some poor sap with take that job for that pay. There are stepping stones and entry level, but for mature employees (been in the work force for numerous years) and graduates to making the same as some kid working at McDonalds is simply bullshit.

In short, I’m screwed either way right now. In love, money and life.
A few ways to look at it is, it could be worse, this too shall pass, be happy with what you have (settle).
Does it make me selfish wanting more for my life when it could be a lot worse?
Or should I just succumb to the fact this is my life, this is as good as it gets? I have a job that gets me by but doesn’t allow for savings or a decent retirement , and that I wont find a relationship but will have to settle for companionship with someone I don’t like or love?

Lately there doesn’t seem to be enough stress cries and wine to help me through this one, and I doubt writing/bitching about it will help neither.

Anyone out there been through what I guess is the beginning of my mid life crisis?
Suggestions?
If I don’t come up with a clearer view or thought pattern in the next few weeks, going back to my shrink might be a smart idea, if for anything to get the tools I need to start this new chapter in my life.

I really cant discuss this with friends, cos we’re not in the same place in life.
We haven’t been for some time.
They are all married, second, third marriages, kids in highschool, etc..
I’m in a different spot and have nothing in common with a lot of the friends I grew up with, other than “we have history” but it doesn’t feel like enough now.

I might have to surrender to the fact I’m going to enter my 40’s alone. Living alone, being alone without a spouse. Then 50 will be here and I’ll be stressed as to the fact I’ve never really made enough money to save to have a retirement and will be working at McDonalds to get by when I’m 60. working til I die.


Comment from the Work Wife.
Here is what I think:

When it comes to dating, there comes a time in a person’s life when they realize that they need to be stimulated mentally as well as physically, making it more difficult to sometimes date others younger than themselves. This is also true for friendships. There needs to be common ground. It is definitely fine to get silly at times, but not on a regular, life-long basis. There has to substance to the relationship. You can’t get by on just giggles and shits all the time.

I thought a lot about you not wanting kids being a “deal breaker”. I find it hard, and disappointing, that men would dismiss you just because of that. I know that they may want to have kids, but would they love you any less if there was no family? I believe when you get married it is because you truly love that other person, for who they are. What if you fell in love, and then realized that you couldn’t bear children? It happens to many couples. Would that give him/her the right to leave because they can not have a family? But, on the other hand, you are being upfront about it, which is very honorable of you, which is what is probably scaring them off. What if you two were meant to be together, and he was just dismissing that because of that one factor? I think it would be very hard for me to get together with a man that didn’t want kids, but if I loved him, I would definitely still want our relationship, especially at my age, when starting a family is getting to be too late. The risk factor gets higher and higher with age.

I don’t have any comment on the work issue, you nailed that one on the head.

In general, I think that all your feelings are valid. It doesn’t help you feel or deal with them any easier, but it means that you are normal… sort of J I also believe that things come to people when they stop trying to look for it, or make it happen. I think love and life will fall into place in due time, as for money, well that you will have to go out and seek yourself.

A question about finding Religion... I think.

I went to a Jr highschool that produced a lot of um...... troubled teens.
one particurlar student was label "trouble maker" due to his long hair (think 80's rockers) and that he wsa a skateboarder.. wooooo I know, so bad!!!

Two years ago when I joined facebook we reconnected through an alumni group for our Jr.High which is no longer there....

I learned that many of these troubled teens, did well, end up in trouble, the really bad kind, and the others grew up had families, have careers, etc...

One student JW was the skateboarder who was trouble by all accounts according to our princple, is now a paster at a local church!.. He holds events once a month called Gospel Sunday's. he sends FB invites and I never attend..... til now.

He sent me an email thanking me for RVSPing to the event and asked me
"How are you in light of the deaths?" .... this was my reply.


Hey Jeff,

I’m on facebook often, almost nightly to wish people a happy birthday, update my status etc..

I don’t often find myself using the facebook chat as it will not load and send the message or it will crash.

You are more than welcome to reach me on msn, that is on as long as I am home. J
blahblahblah@hotmail.com

….How am I doing in light of the deaths in my family?

Hmmmmmmm … not sure what kind of reply you’re looking for?

A quick “I’m fine”, or a short novel?

I’ve give you both.

Mum passed away 9 years ago this may 30th., My dad 5 years ago this past February…

Quick - I’m okay – continually building character I wasn’t aware I needed.

Short Novel – after losing my mum, I lost all faith in everything. Life after death, god, religion, etc..

Although I was never mad at God, I was pissed at the universe & at the situation.
Of course some things have changed.
My outlook on life in general changed; the people I had in it, my job at the time, my own beliefs, and that I wasn’t sure I had any anymore….

My mental health took a downward spiral, I became indifferent, selfish, and distant, then sought professional help over the course of a few years and recovered.
(saved my life really) I can actually say I like myself… for years I did not and couldn’t.

Repeat the above when my dad passed away four years later. Minus the destructive behaviour though.

Fast forward to the present month……

I’ve had a lot of “firsts” in the last 9 years.
In a sense everything is new again. I had to learn to make the best of what I could for myself with those I had in my life (friends become chosen family)and discard the rest that were poison to me, or holding me back from being a healthier me.
(don’t get me wrong, I still make a lot of mistakes and get upset, although I try to make the effort to consciously learn from them)

For whatever reason, something is drawing me to be curious about religion, community, and acceptance this year.
It’s internal and really can not express it in words the feelings that are telling me, “now is the time to learn, be open minded, explore” but I can tell you,
whatever it is talking to me, its loud, and encouraging.

So there is my novel to answer your question: How am I doing in light of things? J

See you on the 31st.

Samiantha

xo

Not sure this was a question about religion, just random I guess and thought it may be a good entry.

Have a great weekend!

~Being Samiantha

Inspired to Create

First of all... I GOT SOME SLEEP! and am less the emotional wreck I've been in the last 8 days.

Recently been having some weird dreams, and in them, I'm cooking. Yes Cooking.

I cook. I'm fairly good at it.... until I met Kathryn M. (goddess in the kitchen)
Cooking for one is a huge pain and really not much fun and generally not inspired to do so. So anytime I get the chance to cook for someone else I'm all over it.

Side note: A general misconception is, people who can cook, can bake. NOT TRUE!
It's one or the other, and in the rare case that you're a kitchen goddess, well then you can do anything.... I can not bake... a list of what idiot proof goods I can screw up to follow.

Ok, back to the point. Weird dreams I'm cooking these feasts!
I woke up this morning and was really inspired to cook. Instant thought: Fatten the Island Boy up.

Sweet! Never occurred to me, I HAVE SOMEONE TO COOK FOR! I'm sure it will beat the crap out of the garbage he's been eating.

Friday I'll go out and buy everything to make the meals I dreamt of.

Breakfast stuff - Homemade Sausage N' Egg English Muffins, Pancakes, omelets w/side of fruit w/ strawberry whip cream dip (easy, frozen whip cream mixed with strawberry yogurt - trail and error for taste)

Steak - with sauteed mushrooms and a cream/balsamic vinegar reduced sauce
(til you've tried it, don't knock it)

Ham marinated w/beer topped with horseradish and asparagus wrapped in prosciutto and cracked sea salt.

Chicken Cordon bleu - w/seared veggies with a light grape seed oil brushed on before hand.

BBQ chicken w/ all the fixings (like a turkey dinner) stuffing from scratch, and the best mashed potatoes ever! (add a raw egg, butter, milk, onion salt, and whip - soooo creamy)

Hamburgers - made w/dried Dijon mustard, green onions, pinch of garlic, on slightly toasted sourdough buns - of course will all the regular fixings too.

Meal Salads - Spinach salad with sauteed prawns or crab w/garlic and wine, dried raisins (skip the brown sugar candied walnuts - must-not-kill-island boy)

Snacks - salsa, guacamole and Chocolate chip banana bread (again thanks Kathryn M for the receipts)

I know none of this sounds like much, but when inspired to be in the kitchen, it tastes so-much-better.... and will help me redirect my recent shitty attitude towards something more proactive. I wish I could cook like this everyday.

My goal, by the end of summer, Island boy will be 10-15 lbs heavier (giggle) What? He needs it! 5'8 and 140 lbs... he needs it!!!!

Now for a list of things I can not make to save my life.... Ready?

Jello. - yup jello. Can not make it. Sad really, cos I like jello with amaretto and whip cream.
Idiot proof cookies. - The kind you just throw onto a sheet and bake for 8-12 minutes.. cant make them.
Cake. pies, and muffins - Not instant, not from scratch.

Two things I CAN BAKE- ish

Chocolate covered strawberries
Home made Turtles (rah rah rah)

Although those are not really baking, its more of melt stuff and make it stick together.. lol... that's my kind of baking.

Enjoy your week and weekend.

~Being Samiantha

General Updates

Island guy has been coming over now for two weeks now... 14 more weeks to go.
I must say the first weekend I was "off" not use to having someone else in my apt, let alone living here part time.

Second weekend went much better! I've relaxed somewhat and actually looked forward to seeing this weekend.

In addition to that IG has NEVER been to IKEA!!!! OMG. I thought his head might explode from shear excitement and all the possibilities there are to create from IKEA. He had to tell me several times, that "we do not have an IKEA on the island, so this is exciting".... fair enough.

3 hours later, yes still in Ikea after a full day for both of us... he worked all day with no lunch break (surprised he wasnt super bitchy from lack of food, but he's a trooper) myself I had lost steam from the beer high i was on earlier...

Earlier in the day, I broke down, and went and bought the memory foam for my bed.
(I may be eating noodles for the next two weeks.. so the bills will get paid later in the month than on time)
This was muchly need otherwise a more bitchy me was surfacing much faster than I like... anyways.. off topic..

I went out with a new friend I met on the island. Brian. We have mutual friends and hes a good guy... so while shopping he mentions oh-so-casually, its his birthday.. TODAY!.

well shit. I call a few other friends we have in common and we take Brian out for lunch. A few beers later, I'm drunk, the canucks game has started and IG is arriving home and I'm hyper. HYPER!.. Off to ikea.
I lost my steam, and ended up sitting in a chair in a display and took a power nap.(maybe 5 mins)
Turns out IG was looking for me and walked passed me twice and didnt even notice lol

Got home, ordered in and I promptly fell asleep.

Memory Foam..

OMG I had the best sleep in some time.. I did not hurt whenI woke up. At all!!
YAY ME!

In other news... IG now knows about this Blog.
IG, while you are reading past entries, just know that those are heat of the moment feelings and things have progressed since then...
My blogging is for talking out loud. :)

So Enjoy.

FUCK IT LIST! - Funny.

I started reading a new blog. The Naked Redhead.... nope not porn.

anyways, she wrote the "fuck it list" a list of things you will not die from if you have not done, completed, wanted to do these things.

It was pretty spot on, and I'm sure I will add more to it.

Here is my list (copied from TNR).. Please add a comment and send me your FUCK IT LIST>and explain WHY....

OMG!

I laughed so hard reading this one. And will give some thought to my own Fuck It list.



A few you've already covered for me.

Tattoo's - no thanks, I'm original by not having any.

Babies - knew when I was 9 I would never want any... love them, just dont want them.

(hello all my 7 nieces & nephews I have who are having babies of their own now)

France - I can eat cheese, bread , drink wine, and have love affairs with men who do not speak english here... and its easier on the pocket book.

Jumping out of a plane.- enough said.. ask me again when I hit 50.

Learn a new Lanuage.... I can barely speak this one.

Threesome's. - Well fun at the time and not the for the lazy. My opinion they're OVERRATED!
There is entirely too much going on to truly enjoy yourself or concentrate on what you're doing....
And yes now that I've been there, done that, I have no desire to share myself with more than one person at the same time

....more fuck it list to follow in time.