I'm tired.
Tired of being exhausted.
Tired of being disappointed.
Tired of being constantly being let down by friends.
Tired that everyone thinks I'm okay with being blown off.
I'm tired of not having a car.
I'm tired that this stupid cycle never ends.
I'm tired of crying.
I'm tired that I'm tired.
I'm tired of being alone.
I'm tired of rejection.
I'm tired of stupidity.
Tired of being the adult.
Tired of not having a boyfriend.
Tired of not having a relationship where people don't cheat or lie.
Tired of being judged for being single, and almost 40.
I'm tired of being broke.
I'm tired of life.
I'm just so tired.
I miss my folks.
I miss my old friends.
I miss my mind.(sometimes)
That's the gist of it without giving details.
I do believe there will be more changes in 2009/2010.
Monday, 31 August 2009
Wednesday, 26 August 2009
Friendship Dynamics?
Lately I’ve been having issues with the standards of a friendship.
Petty issue or a friendship dynamic changing?
In my world, my friends live by the same general unwritten rules. Everything is a two way street.
Of course for the most part there are delays for some replies to emails, phone calls, text msg’s, msn, facebook updates, twitter, etc
Due to other obligations like children, shift work, second job, sleep.
I have a friend (who may read this) and we have issues when it comes to communicating.
Here are the issues at hand. You decide….
My opinion is, when I call someone, a reply is in order in a reasonable time frame.
She doesn’t agree.
Here is our last conversation.
Me: hey you’re alive, what new?
Her: Of course I’m alive, stupid question. What’s up?
Me: When I call, emails, text, msn, phone someone for whatever reason (general chat, crisis, confirming plans, making plans) I like a reply. Period.
Her: I’ll reply when I feel like it, or in the mood. We’ve been through this; you know what I’m like….
Me: That’s really not acceptable; I may need/want to talk to YOU specifically about something.
Her: Then say it’s urgent, I’ll reply then. What did you need/want?
If it’s just “hey”, Hey”, how’s it going, how was your day…. I’m not interested in chatting about everyday stuff with anyone, if it’s important/urgent, tell me, I’ll call you.
Me: ummm we’re friends; everyday stuff is a large part of what friendships are. I called to make plans to do something, see what’s new etc….
Her: oh. You can read that on my facebook updates.
Me: I shouldn’t have to. With all the technology available, there is really no reason to never NOT reply.
Her: there are just too many choices, and ways to be contacted, it’s too overwhelming.
Me: That’s a lazy bullshit excuse, no one said you had to use all that is available, pick what works for you, and that is how people will get in touch with you.
Her: nah, they can read about my day to day stuff on facebook, I’ll back to everyone when it suits me.
Me: It may be too late by then.
Her: Oh well.
Her: you shouldn’t be so needy or high maintenance.
Me: My friends are part of my every day to day life and some are my chosen family.
If that makes me needy or high maintenance cos I want to know what is going on in their lives or gawd forbid, make plans with them, then so be it, I’m a high maintenance, needy friend.
Her: okay, glad we agree.
Me: okay, sigh, goodnight, talk to you whenever.
Okay am I living on an alternative planet, or am I high maintenance for thinking common courtesy is expected? I think there is an acceptable time frame for a person to reply and then, there are just bad manners.
Would love the input of all my readers.
Do I continue to try and have a mutual respected friendship, or just accept the fact we’re not on the same “friendship respect page” and let this relationship take fade away to the backseat and stop making her a priority friend in my life?
We’ve been friends for 8 years, and have stopped talking in the past for this exact reason.
She’s a good person, I like to think she is, but can you out grow a person based on something like this that is so easy to fix by just accommodating one another?
Petty issue or a friendship dynamic changing?
In my world, my friends live by the same general unwritten rules. Everything is a two way street.
Of course for the most part there are delays for some replies to emails, phone calls, text msg’s, msn, facebook updates, twitter, etc
Due to other obligations like children, shift work, second job, sleep.
I have a friend (who may read this) and we have issues when it comes to communicating.
Here are the issues at hand. You decide….
My opinion is, when I call someone, a reply is in order in a reasonable time frame.
She doesn’t agree.
Here is our last conversation.
Me: hey you’re alive, what new?
Her: Of course I’m alive, stupid question. What’s up?
Me: When I call, emails, text, msn, phone someone for whatever reason (general chat, crisis, confirming plans, making plans) I like a reply. Period.
Her: I’ll reply when I feel like it, or in the mood. We’ve been through this; you know what I’m like….
Me: That’s really not acceptable; I may need/want to talk to YOU specifically about something.
Her: Then say it’s urgent, I’ll reply then. What did you need/want?
If it’s just “hey”, Hey”, how’s it going, how was your day…. I’m not interested in chatting about everyday stuff with anyone, if it’s important/urgent, tell me, I’ll call you.
Me: ummm we’re friends; everyday stuff is a large part of what friendships are. I called to make plans to do something, see what’s new etc….
Her: oh. You can read that on my facebook updates.
Me: I shouldn’t have to. With all the technology available, there is really no reason to never NOT reply.
Her: there are just too many choices, and ways to be contacted, it’s too overwhelming.
Me: That’s a lazy bullshit excuse, no one said you had to use all that is available, pick what works for you, and that is how people will get in touch with you.
Her: nah, they can read about my day to day stuff on facebook, I’ll back to everyone when it suits me.
Me: It may be too late by then.
Her: Oh well.
Her: you shouldn’t be so needy or high maintenance.
Me: My friends are part of my every day to day life and some are my chosen family.
If that makes me needy or high maintenance cos I want to know what is going on in their lives or gawd forbid, make plans with them, then so be it, I’m a high maintenance, needy friend.
Her: okay, glad we agree.
Me: okay, sigh, goodnight, talk to you whenever.
Okay am I living on an alternative planet, or am I high maintenance for thinking common courtesy is expected? I think there is an acceptable time frame for a person to reply and then, there are just bad manners.
Would love the input of all my readers.
Do I continue to try and have a mutual respected friendship, or just accept the fact we’re not on the same “friendship respect page” and let this relationship take fade away to the backseat and stop making her a priority friend in my life?
We’ve been friends for 8 years, and have stopped talking in the past for this exact reason.
She’s a good person, I like to think she is, but can you out grow a person based on something like this that is so easy to fix by just accommodating one another?
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
The beginning of my Mid Life Crisis.
I was talking with my work wife today and the changes I’ve been experiences in the last few months.
Oh shut up, not those “changes” I’m still a few years off from that and I’ve had all my testing to be sure its still a few years away.
Recently on my b-day I had a conversation with AW. At the time he had no idea the things running through my head, however during conversations at our table, he got on the topic of how he felt major changes started to occur in his life after he turned 37 (year earlier) and it was a force he couldn’t describe, just felt it.
I am going through these changes now and have been trying hard to articulate what it is I’m feeling. If not for anyone else, solely for myself, so I can wrap my head around it and get a grip.
Here are a few of the topics = changes. Aka mid life crisis.
Turning 37, things I found tolerable in so many spectrums are no longer tolerable.
~ I could date men younger than myself, as long as they were driven had goals, on their way to being financially stable, etc. NOW… that’s no longer acceptable. They HAVE to be stable. (Even if I’m not, but I’m working on it)
~They had to be mature. Being silly is okay, but you can still be mature when being the biggest dork on the planet.
~Being/acting “cute” as a way of getting what you want, doesn’t work for me, it down right pisses me off, and to the point you may just get punched in the neck.
~ Real stupidity. Just deserves a punch in the neck.
~ Defending “Not wanting kids”, and finding a spouse.
Harder than you think. I’m 37. I’m NOT having kids, it’s a deal breaker, not negotiable. Whoever I end up with has to get a vasectomy.
And NO I won’t change my mind.
I’ll explain WHY to those who need to know, but extremely tired of people asking me and then……..
1) Telling me I’ll change my mind
2) Behaving like I owe them an explanation why.
3) Asking me “are you sure, maybe you’re scared”
Okay first of all, it’s MY decision to make for my life, not you. Telling me I’ll change my mind? Really you know this for a fact?
Am I an evil hag now, cos I’m going against what society says I’m “supposed” to do? If I am, well too bad for you, it’s still my life, my body, my decision, and if you think less of me for it, we can’t be friends. No I’m not afraid of being a mother, or having kids. I have my reasons.
~I want more from my job.
This one is currently eating me alive at the moment. I’m bored. I do not have the work load I was hired to do. I like my boss, but it has to stop being about them and more about me. If I tell them I’m unsatisfied with my position, they will say “oh well, you knew it was a slow position when you took it”…. Well ya, but I was also for a specific work load I’ve never been given.
1) So basically if I speak up, I’ll shoot myself in the foot.
2) If I stay and keep quiet, I’ll turn bitter. Really bitter. I don’t want to go there.
3) Looking for a new job is hard when all that is available out there is for 3rd year university students or grad students for $10-$12/per hour. SERIOUSLY?
I make way more than that and I do NOTHING all day and its still pennies. And the shitty thing is, that there is some poor sap with take that job for that pay. There are stepping stones and entry level, but for mature employees (been in the work force for numerous years) and graduates to making the same as some kid working at McDonalds is simply bullshit.
In short, I’m screwed either way right now. In love, money and life.
A few ways to look at it is, it could be worse, this too shall pass, be happy with what you have (settle).
Does it make me selfish wanting more for my life when it could be a lot worse?
Or should I just succumb to the fact this is my life, this is as good as it gets? I have a job that gets me by but doesn’t allow for savings or a decent retirement , and that I wont find a relationship but will have to settle for companionship with someone I don’t like or love?
Lately there doesn’t seem to be enough stress cries and wine to help me through this one, and I doubt writing/bitching about it will help neither.
Anyone out there been through what I guess is the beginning of my mid life crisis?
Suggestions?
If I don’t come up with a clearer view or thought pattern in the next few weeks, going back to my shrink might be a smart idea, if for anything to get the tools I need to start this new chapter in my life.
I really cant discuss this with friends, cos we’re not in the same place in life.
We haven’t been for some time.
They are all married, second, third marriages, kids in highschool, etc..
I’m in a different spot and have nothing in common with a lot of the friends I grew up with, other than “we have history” but it doesn’t feel like enough now.
I might have to surrender to the fact I’m going to enter my 40’s alone. Living alone, being alone without a spouse. Then 50 will be here and I’ll be stressed as to the fact I’ve never really made enough money to save to have a retirement and will be working at McDonalds to get by when I’m 60. working til I die.
Comment from the Work Wife.
Here is what I think:
When it comes to dating, there comes a time in a person’s life when they realize that they need to be stimulated mentally as well as physically, making it more difficult to sometimes date others younger than themselves. This is also true for friendships. There needs to be common ground. It is definitely fine to get silly at times, but not on a regular, life-long basis. There has to substance to the relationship. You can’t get by on just giggles and shits all the time.
I thought a lot about you not wanting kids being a “deal breaker”. I find it hard, and disappointing, that men would dismiss you just because of that. I know that they may want to have kids, but would they love you any less if there was no family? I believe when you get married it is because you truly love that other person, for who they are. What if you fell in love, and then realized that you couldn’t bear children? It happens to many couples. Would that give him/her the right to leave because they can not have a family? But, on the other hand, you are being upfront about it, which is very honorable of you, which is what is probably scaring them off. What if you two were meant to be together, and he was just dismissing that because of that one factor? I think it would be very hard for me to get together with a man that didn’t want kids, but if I loved him, I would definitely still want our relationship, especially at my age, when starting a family is getting to be too late. The risk factor gets higher and higher with age.
I don’t have any comment on the work issue, you nailed that one on the head.
In general, I think that all your feelings are valid. It doesn’t help you feel or deal with them any easier, but it means that you are normal… sort of J I also believe that things come to people when they stop trying to look for it, or make it happen. I think love and life will fall into place in due time, as for money, well that you will have to go out and seek yourself.
Oh shut up, not those “changes” I’m still a few years off from that and I’ve had all my testing to be sure its still a few years away.
Recently on my b-day I had a conversation with AW. At the time he had no idea the things running through my head, however during conversations at our table, he got on the topic of how he felt major changes started to occur in his life after he turned 37 (year earlier) and it was a force he couldn’t describe, just felt it.
I am going through these changes now and have been trying hard to articulate what it is I’m feeling. If not for anyone else, solely for myself, so I can wrap my head around it and get a grip.
Here are a few of the topics = changes. Aka mid life crisis.
Turning 37, things I found tolerable in so many spectrums are no longer tolerable.
~ I could date men younger than myself, as long as they were driven had goals, on their way to being financially stable, etc. NOW… that’s no longer acceptable. They HAVE to be stable. (Even if I’m not, but I’m working on it)
~They had to be mature. Being silly is okay, but you can still be mature when being the biggest dork on the planet.
~Being/acting “cute” as a way of getting what you want, doesn’t work for me, it down right pisses me off, and to the point you may just get punched in the neck.
~ Real stupidity. Just deserves a punch in the neck.
~ Defending “Not wanting kids”, and finding a spouse.
Harder than you think. I’m 37. I’m NOT having kids, it’s a deal breaker, not negotiable. Whoever I end up with has to get a vasectomy.
And NO I won’t change my mind.
I’ll explain WHY to those who need to know, but extremely tired of people asking me and then……..
1) Telling me I’ll change my mind
2) Behaving like I owe them an explanation why.
3) Asking me “are you sure, maybe you’re scared”
Okay first of all, it’s MY decision to make for my life, not you. Telling me I’ll change my mind? Really you know this for a fact?
Am I an evil hag now, cos I’m going against what society says I’m “supposed” to do? If I am, well too bad for you, it’s still my life, my body, my decision, and if you think less of me for it, we can’t be friends. No I’m not afraid of being a mother, or having kids. I have my reasons.
~I want more from my job.
This one is currently eating me alive at the moment. I’m bored. I do not have the work load I was hired to do. I like my boss, but it has to stop being about them and more about me. If I tell them I’m unsatisfied with my position, they will say “oh well, you knew it was a slow position when you took it”…. Well ya, but I was also for a specific work load I’ve never been given.
1) So basically if I speak up, I’ll shoot myself in the foot.
2) If I stay and keep quiet, I’ll turn bitter. Really bitter. I don’t want to go there.
3) Looking for a new job is hard when all that is available out there is for 3rd year university students or grad students for $10-$12/per hour. SERIOUSLY?
I make way more than that and I do NOTHING all day and its still pennies. And the shitty thing is, that there is some poor sap with take that job for that pay. There are stepping stones and entry level, but for mature employees (been in the work force for numerous years) and graduates to making the same as some kid working at McDonalds is simply bullshit.
In short, I’m screwed either way right now. In love, money and life.
A few ways to look at it is, it could be worse, this too shall pass, be happy with what you have (settle).
Does it make me selfish wanting more for my life when it could be a lot worse?
Or should I just succumb to the fact this is my life, this is as good as it gets? I have a job that gets me by but doesn’t allow for savings or a decent retirement , and that I wont find a relationship but will have to settle for companionship with someone I don’t like or love?
Lately there doesn’t seem to be enough stress cries and wine to help me through this one, and I doubt writing/bitching about it will help neither.
Anyone out there been through what I guess is the beginning of my mid life crisis?
Suggestions?
If I don’t come up with a clearer view or thought pattern in the next few weeks, going back to my shrink might be a smart idea, if for anything to get the tools I need to start this new chapter in my life.
I really cant discuss this with friends, cos we’re not in the same place in life.
We haven’t been for some time.
They are all married, second, third marriages, kids in highschool, etc..
I’m in a different spot and have nothing in common with a lot of the friends I grew up with, other than “we have history” but it doesn’t feel like enough now.
I might have to surrender to the fact I’m going to enter my 40’s alone. Living alone, being alone without a spouse. Then 50 will be here and I’ll be stressed as to the fact I’ve never really made enough money to save to have a retirement and will be working at McDonalds to get by when I’m 60. working til I die.
Comment from the Work Wife.
Here is what I think:
When it comes to dating, there comes a time in a person’s life when they realize that they need to be stimulated mentally as well as physically, making it more difficult to sometimes date others younger than themselves. This is also true for friendships. There needs to be common ground. It is definitely fine to get silly at times, but not on a regular, life-long basis. There has to substance to the relationship. You can’t get by on just giggles and shits all the time.
I thought a lot about you not wanting kids being a “deal breaker”. I find it hard, and disappointing, that men would dismiss you just because of that. I know that they may want to have kids, but would they love you any less if there was no family? I believe when you get married it is because you truly love that other person, for who they are. What if you fell in love, and then realized that you couldn’t bear children? It happens to many couples. Would that give him/her the right to leave because they can not have a family? But, on the other hand, you are being upfront about it, which is very honorable of you, which is what is probably scaring them off. What if you two were meant to be together, and he was just dismissing that because of that one factor? I think it would be very hard for me to get together with a man that didn’t want kids, but if I loved him, I would definitely still want our relationship, especially at my age, when starting a family is getting to be too late. The risk factor gets higher and higher with age.
I don’t have any comment on the work issue, you nailed that one on the head.
In general, I think that all your feelings are valid. It doesn’t help you feel or deal with them any easier, but it means that you are normal… sort of J I also believe that things come to people when they stop trying to look for it, or make it happen. I think love and life will fall into place in due time, as for money, well that you will have to go out and seek yourself.
Wednesday, 12 August 2009
Observations I've had while Online Dating
My friend EvilTwin and I are both online daters. SO who better than to ask for a males two cents.
My side notes are in Blue, all EvilTwin's are in Red.
Things We've learned and observed while viewing online suitors.
If you put “does not do drugs” then tell us you’re 420 friendly, guess what? That’s still doing drugs!
If you’re bald, do NOT put what your hair colour WAS!
It doesn’t matter and 80% of women do not care. Wearing a hat in all your pictures is also a solid tip off you’re bald.
No one wants to see 1 picture of you and 10 of your pet.
ET: I want to add to this: 1 of you/10 of scenery or parents. Or: all your pics contain you and 5 friends so nobody can tell who you are.
What is with the half naked bathroom shots? Seriously?
If you’re going to be half naked at least be on a boat, at the beach, rock climbing, SOMETHING! Being half naked in any pic will get our attention, but it wont keep it.
ET: From a guy's point of view: seeing half naked bathroom shots/cleavage shots ALWAYS work for us. As long as the girl isn't a total train wreck.
Too many webcams shots.
Says to me, you have no friends that could take a picture of you outside the house.
ET: Too many webcam shots, all in the same position, same outfit=lazy ass and you never get away from your computer.
Using pictures that are more than 5 years old and not dated..
Get new ones. A lot can happen in those years.
If you’re over the age of 18 Do Not use your high school pictures…
tells me you have a peter pan complex
Messages us and jumping right into talking about sexual preferences. deleted/blocked!!!!
You’re not 16 get over it already.
ET: If the girl who started talking to me like that and she was hot, oh ya, she'd be my new fav!!
Has “does not smoke” but have pictures up with cigarettes in your mouth or hands….. we’re not stupid
Putting your body type as “average or athletic” when you have no neck, or haven’t seen your feet in a while. Ugh. You’re in denial. If you tell us those pictures are old, GET NEW ONES!
ET: Gotta firmly agree with this one!!
Using pictures that are NOT YOU!
This one I love. One guy msg’d me, and the pic looked really familiar to me. When we started chatting on msn, I asked him how old the picture was, he said it was a few years ago and didn’t look anything like that at all anymore (misleading ya think?)
No shit. When I figured it out, he had used a picture of a friend of mine from an old fan site. I sent him a note and the original un-cropped picture with ME IN IT!!! He deleted and blocked me. But not before I reported his profile.
If you’re 5’8, you are not 5’10 or 6’0 we’ll see that when we meet you.
(recently had a guy tell me he was 5’5, I’m 5’2 and he was shorter than me) FML.
If you’re posing in front of a nice car or boat and NOT in IT, it’s not yours!
Do not try and pass it off as your own. Women are not stupid and we have more connections than you think.
Why lie about your age?
ET: I see way too many "mature" women trying to pass themselves off as being in their mid 20's, hahaha. We're not that stupid, especially when they look like over tanned and weathered alligator handbags. Did you ever see the old lady in "There's Something About Mary"? Ya, you know what I mean.
Have kids? DO NOT LIE ABOUT IT!
ET: OK, seriously? "Prefer Not To Say" is STILL saying yes.
puts “not single/not looking” = cheating on my spouse or am a swinger
looking for “friends” = ya right… on a dating site? How stupid do you think we are?
All women know “hang out” is the new code for booty call. Don’t play it like its not.
ET: I dunno, I tried this one for a bit and it didn't work. Noticeably however, I had a lot fewer emails during the "hang out" switch, lol.
Do not ask us anything you wouldn’t answer yourself.
Adding me to your favorites will not get me to msg you first.
I used to get a lot of these. It just goes to prove my theory that a lot of women are, unfortunately, attention whores. It's funny, when you don't respond to the fav add, they remove themselves after awhile.
This also applies to men I’ve blocked from sending me msg’s without pictures. Adding me will not make me ask you for one, just deleted.
Wearing a wife beater at anytime other than as an undershirt, UNDER A SHIRT will get you automatically deleted.
My side notes are in Blue, all EvilTwin's are in Red.
Things We've learned and observed while viewing online suitors.
If you put “does not do drugs” then tell us you’re 420 friendly, guess what? That’s still doing drugs!
If you’re bald, do NOT put what your hair colour WAS!
It doesn’t matter and 80% of women do not care. Wearing a hat in all your pictures is also a solid tip off you’re bald.
No one wants to see 1 picture of you and 10 of your pet.
ET: I want to add to this: 1 of you/10 of scenery or parents. Or: all your pics contain you and 5 friends so nobody can tell who you are.
What is with the half naked bathroom shots? Seriously?
If you’re going to be half naked at least be on a boat, at the beach, rock climbing, SOMETHING! Being half naked in any pic will get our attention, but it wont keep it.
ET: From a guy's point of view: seeing half naked bathroom shots/cleavage shots ALWAYS work for us. As long as the girl isn't a total train wreck.
Too many webcams shots.
Says to me, you have no friends that could take a picture of you outside the house.
ET: Too many webcam shots, all in the same position, same outfit=lazy ass and you never get away from your computer.
Using pictures that are more than 5 years old and not dated..
Get new ones. A lot can happen in those years.
If you’re over the age of 18 Do Not use your high school pictures…
tells me you have a peter pan complex
Messages us and jumping right into talking about sexual preferences. deleted/blocked!!!!
You’re not 16 get over it already.
ET: If the girl who started talking to me like that and she was hot, oh ya, she'd be my new fav!!
Has “does not smoke” but have pictures up with cigarettes in your mouth or hands….. we’re not stupid
Putting your body type as “average or athletic” when you have no neck, or haven’t seen your feet in a while. Ugh. You’re in denial. If you tell us those pictures are old, GET NEW ONES!
ET: Gotta firmly agree with this one!!
Using pictures that are NOT YOU!
This one I love. One guy msg’d me, and the pic looked really familiar to me. When we started chatting on msn, I asked him how old the picture was, he said it was a few years ago and didn’t look anything like that at all anymore (misleading ya think?)
No shit. When I figured it out, he had used a picture of a friend of mine from an old fan site. I sent him a note and the original un-cropped picture with ME IN IT!!! He deleted and blocked me. But not before I reported his profile.
If you’re 5’8, you are not 5’10 or 6’0 we’ll see that when we meet you.
(recently had a guy tell me he was 5’5, I’m 5’2 and he was shorter than me) FML.
If you’re posing in front of a nice car or boat and NOT in IT, it’s not yours!
Do not try and pass it off as your own. Women are not stupid and we have more connections than you think.
Why lie about your age?
ET: I see way too many "mature" women trying to pass themselves off as being in their mid 20's, hahaha. We're not that stupid, especially when they look like over tanned and weathered alligator handbags. Did you ever see the old lady in "There's Something About Mary"? Ya, you know what I mean.
Have kids? DO NOT LIE ABOUT IT!
ET: OK, seriously? "Prefer Not To Say" is STILL saying yes.
puts “not single/not looking” = cheating on my spouse or am a swinger
looking for “friends” = ya right… on a dating site? How stupid do you think we are?
All women know “hang out” is the new code for booty call. Don’t play it like its not.
ET: I dunno, I tried this one for a bit and it didn't work. Noticeably however, I had a lot fewer emails during the "hang out" switch, lol.
Do not ask us anything you wouldn’t answer yourself.
Adding me to your favorites will not get me to msg you first.
I used to get a lot of these. It just goes to prove my theory that a lot of women are, unfortunately, attention whores. It's funny, when you don't respond to the fav add, they remove themselves after awhile.
This also applies to men I’ve blocked from sending me msg’s without pictures. Adding me will not make me ask you for one, just deleted.
Wearing a wife beater at anytime other than as an undershirt, UNDER A SHIRT will get you automatically deleted.
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