Dear Followers,
There will be no updated entries for the next two weeks.
I'M ON HOLIDAYS!!!
Surfing, yoga, tourist in my own town, peaceful protest against BP drilling in BC, house warming parties, road trips etc...
I'll be back July 6th and by then I'm suuuuuuuuuuuure I'll have something funny to write about.
Til then xo
Thursday, 24 June 2010
Wednesday, 23 June 2010
Dysfunctional
Not even sure where to start with this.
I'mwiped, exhausted, completely drained of energy from what is a dysfunctional friends unnecessary drama.
Yesterday was my B-day and received many well wishes from friends, acquaintances and a sibling *gasp*.
99% of them by facebook as FB has the birthday reminder on the top right side of your home page.
I thanked EVERYONE who wrote on my wall, sent private emails and pictures to make me smile. :)
This morning I get to work to find an email waiting for me from my best friend. Whom I've asked to move out upon her return from her visit with her kids. History: No fights or anything, I'm just not interested in having a roommate anymore, nor do I need one. I'm thankful I was in a position to help her out when she needed a place to stay, but now that she's been gone for over a month visiting her kids, I realized I love living alone. Period.
Her email is cold and to the point:
"I'll be there to remove my stuff as soon as I can, although it's proving to be difficult as I do not have a car. So I'm guessing you're miffed at me about something? Hope you have a good birthday anyways."
I replied: My birthday was great thanks. Why do you think I'd miffed at you?
I was going over my facebook wall to see if I had missed thanking anyone for wishing me well etc and noticed her wall posting wasn't there anymore. Even went as far to check the original email with the link, and it says: THIS POST IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE.
ummm WTF??? Really?
I emailed her: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
YOU DELETED THE BIRTHDAY WISHES OFF MY WALL? WOW. THANKS.
This is not the first time this friend has done this to other people. Its a first for me.
When something gets her nose out of joint, (which is really too often) she retaliates with childish behaviour. Deleting people, writing nasty emails, silent treatment, changing her b/f's password, just your normal foot stomping hissy fit that a 5 year old throws when something does not go their way.
But we're not 5 yrs old, we're 38.
I'm truly starting to believe that sheneeds creates dysfunctional drama in her life as a form of amusement or entertainment for herself. It seems if she's miserable, everyone else should be too, and in high in sight that makes her happy... Maybe get a hobby.
My point of this rant is I'm tired.
I'm feeling a mixed bag of emotions for her cos she is going through shit, and not so much anymore now that she is with her kids again.
At this point the following feelings apply and could change without subject:
*Happy to have my apt back to myself and clean/tidy
*Happy she's with her kids again - they were having a hard time without her.
*Glad I was in the position to assist her when she moved away from her kids.
*Thrilled I will never have to hear her and her b/f having porn-like sex again. (although after addressing the issue it was manageable).
*Drained of listening too, observing childish behaviour and antics cos something did not go her way.
*Tired of her being in a constant state of angst. Towards everything. Cos you know the world is out to get her or so it seems.
*Realized that although we have a few decades of friendship between us, we have nothing in common anymore unless its to vent (anger) or party with intention of getting so loaded you fall on your face... ahhh the stories giggle.
At this moment, I'm don't see the point of moving forward with her. I do not want to end the friendship but its' dynamic has changed for me.
I've worked hard to surround myself with people who are encouraging (not to say she isn't) and always happy and positive...to continue enabling myself to be dragged down in misery with her ongoing unnecessary drama.
I've actually her say the following words on the phone - "I'm too petty & snarky, besides it's beneath me to be things like, nice". I remember looking at her on the phone and thought, I really hoped she was joking, cos who in their right mind would brag about being a self proclaimed bitch and be proud of it?
In short -
I dont have the energy nor am I interested to be friends with people like this. Can you see why I'm torn? She's been there when it matters, but the day to day stuff etc it's just too ahrd to be around her.
I'm
Yesterday was my B-day and received many well wishes from friends, acquaintances and a sibling *gasp*.
99% of them by facebook as FB has the birthday reminder on the top right side of your home page.
I thanked EVERYONE who wrote on my wall, sent private emails and pictures to make me smile. :)
This morning I get to work to find an email waiting for me from my best friend. Whom I've asked to move out upon her return from her visit with her kids. History: No fights or anything, I'm just not interested in having a roommate anymore, nor do I need one. I'm thankful I was in a position to help her out when she needed a place to stay, but now that she's been gone for over a month visiting her kids, I realized I love living alone. Period.
Her email is cold and to the point:
"I'll be there to remove my stuff as soon as I can, although it's proving to be difficult as I do not have a car. So I'm guessing you're miffed at me about something? Hope you have a good birthday anyways."
I replied: My birthday was great thanks. Why do you think I'd miffed at you?
I was going over my facebook wall to see if I had missed thanking anyone for wishing me well etc and noticed her wall posting wasn't there anymore. Even went as far to check the original email with the link, and it says: THIS POST IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE.
ummm WTF??? Really?
I emailed her: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
YOU DELETED THE BIRTHDAY WISHES OFF MY WALL? WOW. THANKS.
This is not the first time this friend has done this to other people. Its a first for me.
When something gets her nose out of joint, (which is really too often) she retaliates with childish behaviour. Deleting people, writing nasty emails, silent treatment, changing her b/f's password, just your normal foot stomping hissy fit that a 5 year old throws when something does not go their way.
But we're not 5 yrs old, we're 38.
I'm truly starting to believe that she
My point of this rant is I'm tired.
I'm feeling a mixed bag of emotions for her cos she is going through shit, and not so much anymore now that she is with her kids again.
At this point the following feelings apply and could change without subject:
*Happy to have my apt back to myself and clean/tidy
*Happy she's with her kids again - they were having a hard time without her.
*Glad I was in the position to assist her when she moved away from her kids.
*Thrilled I will never have to hear her and her b/f having porn-like sex again. (although after addressing the issue it was manageable).
*Drained of listening too, observing childish behaviour and antics cos something did not go her way.
*Tired of her being in a constant state of angst. Towards everything. Cos you know the world is out to get her or so it seems.
*Realized that although we have a few decades of friendship between us, we have nothing in common anymore unless its to vent (anger) or party with intention of getting so loaded you fall on your face... ahhh the stories giggle.
At this moment, I'm don't see the point of moving forward with her. I do not want to end the friendship but its' dynamic has changed for me.
I've worked hard to surround myself with people who are encouraging (not to say she isn't) and always happy and positive...to continue enabling myself to be dragged down in misery with her ongoing unnecessary drama.
I've actually her say the following words on the phone - "I'm too petty & snarky, besides it's beneath me to be things like, nice". I remember looking at her on the phone and thought, I really hoped she was joking, cos who in their right mind would brag about being a self proclaimed bitch and be proud of it?
In short -
I dont have the energy nor am I interested to be friends with people like this. Can you see why I'm torn? She's been there when it matters, but the day to day stuff etc it's just too ahrd to be around her.
Monday, 21 June 2010
Maybe I'm Crazy!
Am I crazy? Probably. Short bus nutz? No.
In the past years when I least expect it or want it, I'm extremely intuitive.
To the point of being almost creepy.
This only happens with a few people in my life and it's not all the time. Once in a blue moon the sick gut feeling happens when something huge is happening in the world. (9/11, Earthquakes etc - but not all the time)
Sometimes it's a gut feeling, other times it's a dream.
IN any case, when it happens, it's uncanny how on the mark it is.
There more things than listed below, but they were far to disturbing and still haunt me a little today... those will remain between my shrink and I.
Examples:
A highschool boyfriend of mine:
For years on and off I knew when he was thinking about me or was in the area.
As it turns out it was always correct and as far as being in the area... we've discovered that we've never lived more than a few blocks from each other and never knew it....for 20 years. Know how many times a person can move in that time and to always be in the same neighbourhood?
A more recent ex:
I could always tell again when he was thinking or talking about me. Worse so, I could tell if he was feeling guilty about something or was about to call me. With him, it was usually a stomach dropping sickness in my stomach mixed with butterflies. This varied based on what he was feeling.
Again, this was always confirmed with actions following thru.
Best Friend:
She had a full term stillborn 16 years ago.
I KNEW this baby wasn't coming to term, but how do you tell an expecting mother that? You don't.
And you NEVER mention it in the future.
She doesn't read this blog and if she did, she bores too easily to search out things.
We've sent each other the same xmas cards and wrapped presents in the exact same paper for xmas birthdays, even bought the same gift for each other etc. We both will get vibes like twins do and can feel the other ones intense emotional and/or physical pain. We just know, and we never discuss how or why, we just know.
More recently I knew what she was thinking and her weighing her pro/con list about moving back to her kids or staying in town etc.. I knew it all but she wasn't in the right head space to talk to her about it... so we did it by email. Something in the dynamic of that friendship has shifted and I cant feel where too....
My Mum:
I had a vivid dream that she was going to get hit by a limo on the way home from work one day.
I could see what she was wearing, the licence plate of the limo and the cross streets she was on etc.
I called her at work (I stayed home from school that day) and begged her to be extra careful, no stepping off the curb early etc.
On her way home that day, it all happened. Although she hadn't consciously made the decision not to step off the curb she said she was more in a trance and couldn't move off the curb as she watched the dark blue limo take the corner short and nearly hitting a few people. If she had stepped off the curb when the light turned green, it would have been fatal.
More recently (like last night):
I had a dream of my good friend having some hanky panky on the weekend.
I could see who she was with (although not the action of their night)
And although I don't know this person, personally, I have a distant admiration for him.
(He's a better looking version of a recent ex)
I received an excited email from her today that she had a great weekend and needed to tell me all about it. I asked if she got laid, and she replied it was sooooo much more than that.
She doesn't need to tell me. I already know and who with. :(
I want to be happy for her cos she deserves it and with a great person. But does it have to be with someone who looks ridiculously like my ex who just rejected me? It would be hard to be in the same room with him and not call him by the wrong name?
The question is why do I have to feel or sense any of this, ever?
In the past it's usually been just about myself (ex's thinking of me and friends needing an ear) but why do I need to know that.
I've talked to my shrink about this years ago. Surprisingly she wasn't judgemental, she encouraged me to tap into it. Intuition is a great tool on so many levels, she said.
That's one way to look at it. Or as another friend said, "you're a sensitive".
Wasn't sure what she meant cos she had not said "you're sensitive" rather you're a sensitive.
I looked it up.
Parts ring true and I'm quiet sure how I feel about it.
Good? Bad? Crazy?
In the past years when I least expect it or want it, I'm extremely intuitive.
To the point of being almost creepy.
This only happens with a few people in my life and it's not all the time. Once in a blue moon the sick gut feeling happens when something huge is happening in the world. (9/11, Earthquakes etc - but not all the time)
Sometimes it's a gut feeling, other times it's a dream.
IN any case, when it happens, it's uncanny how on the mark it is.
There more things than listed below, but they were far to disturbing and still haunt me a little today... those will remain between my shrink and I.
Examples:
A highschool boyfriend of mine:
For years on and off I knew when he was thinking about me or was in the area.
As it turns out it was always correct and as far as being in the area... we've discovered that we've never lived more than a few blocks from each other and never knew it....for 20 years. Know how many times a person can move in that time and to always be in the same neighbourhood?
A more recent ex:
I could always tell again when he was thinking or talking about me. Worse so, I could tell if he was feeling guilty about something or was about to call me. With him, it was usually a stomach dropping sickness in my stomach mixed with butterflies. This varied based on what he was feeling.
Again, this was always confirmed with actions following thru.
Best Friend:
She had a full term stillborn 16 years ago.
I KNEW this baby wasn't coming to term, but how do you tell an expecting mother that? You don't.
And you NEVER mention it in the future.
She doesn't read this blog and if she did, she bores too easily to search out things.
We've sent each other the same xmas cards and wrapped presents in the exact same paper for xmas birthdays, even bought the same gift for each other etc. We both will get vibes like twins do and can feel the other ones intense emotional and/or physical pain. We just know, and we never discuss how or why, we just know.
More recently I knew what she was thinking and her weighing her pro/con list about moving back to her kids or staying in town etc.. I knew it all but she wasn't in the right head space to talk to her about it... so we did it by email. Something in the dynamic of that friendship has shifted and I cant feel where too....
My Mum:
I had a vivid dream that she was going to get hit by a limo on the way home from work one day.
I could see what she was wearing, the licence plate of the limo and the cross streets she was on etc.
I called her at work (I stayed home from school that day) and begged her to be extra careful, no stepping off the curb early etc.
On her way home that day, it all happened. Although she hadn't consciously made the decision not to step off the curb she said she was more in a trance and couldn't move off the curb as she watched the dark blue limo take the corner short and nearly hitting a few people. If she had stepped off the curb when the light turned green, it would have been fatal.
More recently (like last night):
I had a dream of my good friend having some hanky panky on the weekend.
I could see who she was with (although not the action of their night)
And although I don't know this person, personally, I have a distant admiration for him.
(He's a better looking version of a recent ex)
I received an excited email from her today that she had a great weekend and needed to tell me all about it. I asked if she got laid, and she replied it was sooooo much more than that.
She doesn't need to tell me. I already know and who with. :(
I want to be happy for her cos she deserves it and with a great person. But does it have to be with someone who looks ridiculously like my ex who just rejected me? It would be hard to be in the same room with him and not call him by the wrong name?
The question is why do I have to feel or sense any of this, ever?
In the past it's usually been just about myself (ex's thinking of me and friends needing an ear) but why do I need to know that.
I've talked to my shrink about this years ago. Surprisingly she wasn't judgemental, she encouraged me to tap into it. Intuition is a great tool on so many levels, she said.
That's one way to look at it. Or as another friend said, "you're a sensitive".
Wasn't sure what she meant cos she had not said "you're sensitive" rather you're a sensitive.
I looked it up.
Parts ring true and I'm quiet sure how I feel about it.
Good? Bad? Crazy?
Another Year Older & Singlehood.
Tomorrow I turn 38.
I've never been really one to celebrate my birthday since I reached my mid 20's as I am always disappointed with the outcome. Sure there have been SOME memorable birthdays in there, but for the most part I rather people not mention it as a big deal unless they are going to MAKE a big deal out of it.
I stopped celebrating my birthdays 10 years ago after my folks passed away as it just did not seem important anymore. I have friends, many of them. More than some will ever in a life time. They are there when it matters and all the other times we're all busy doing our own thing. (Raising families, travelling for work, starting own business's etc)
I wonder as time goes on, does it become acceptable to not call or email your friends and wish them a happy birthday then sulk when the favour is returned? That wasn't directed at my friends as so much as at my family.
Seriously every year goes by and not one sibling, niece, nephew etc calls to wish me a happy birthday.
Last year I decided not to call one single sibling on their birthday, and you know how that was handled???
A few of them calling me to give me shit for not calling in the first place. My reply: "Just returning the courtesy I've been shown". Only then to be told how THEY"RE SO BUSY etc... but I wouldn't understand as I don't own my home to maintenance, have a husband nor a boyfriend to mention of, that I couldn't possibly understand the time constraint they are on, so forgetting to call should be forgiven and understood. *coughcoughbullshitcough*
My reply: "Feeling the love", *click*
I can't even begin to tell you how disheartening it is to be dismissed by siblings. You'd think I'd be use to it by now as I've made the decision not to communicate with them anymore after a few things happened on major holidays and birthdays etc.
Could someone please explain to me how 5 siblings are all on the same page about how its acceptable to treat the youngest sibling this way but then expect fireworks and cheerleading squads for their special days? Is there a monthly group meeting like AA that I'm not aware of?
To my friends that forget, more forgiving as they always call within a day to say they were thinking of me etc.. I let them slide cos I'm in constant contact with them and know it wasn't a malicious act.
To my family, I say screw you.
My birthday comes at the same time every year, as does yours and in the last 38 years (til last year) I never missed calling any of you.
It's one day where you're allowed to be the centre of attention (somewhat) and be wished a good day.
My work friends have made a big deal out of my birthday which feels nice, but they're work friends.
Not outside of work friends, nor family. But its nice nonetheless and at this point I'll take what I can get.
Now onto being single and almost 40.
I have less of an issue with this than I do with my siblings forgetting my birthday, yearly.
I've been chatting with a few married, divorced, widowed friends over the past few weeks etc when I started to panic about being single at this age. I've grown up (mostly due to society) imposing the idea that you are used good s after 30, and gawd forbid if you were almost 40 and NEVER married! Well then there must be something fundamentally wrong with you!
Which I always though was weird cos life happens in many ways to cause single hood at 40, but to be single at almost 40 BY CHOICE?? *GASP* You Freak!
A friend made the observation more obvious.
You could be single for so many reasons. Married too early, widowed, moved for a job etc...
I stated that it seems those people seems to get less grief for being single at this age cos they've been thru something. They've been married.
My friend got the point I was trying to make and cut me off mid rant....
WHO CARES!? They're single now! Regardless how they got there, how is that different?
I guess my point is although I'm not thrilled about single and never married, I am not a freak of nature cos society has said so.
In the end, I don't see light at the end of the tunnel and when/if I do, it will be my luck to find out its some asshole at the end with a flashlight.
I know this was all bitter and not fun. It will pass. As every year I get older and realize the majority of people jerks.
I've never been really one to celebrate my birthday since I reached my mid 20's as I am always disappointed with the outcome. Sure there have been SOME memorable birthdays in there, but for the most part I rather people not mention it as a big deal unless they are going to MAKE a big deal out of it.
I stopped celebrating my birthdays 10 years ago after my folks passed away as it just did not seem important anymore. I have friends, many of them. More than some will ever in a life time. They are there when it matters and all the other times we're all busy doing our own thing. (Raising families, travelling for work, starting own business's etc)
I wonder as time goes on, does it become acceptable to not call or email your friends and wish them a happy birthday then sulk when the favour is returned? That wasn't directed at my friends as so much as at my family.
Seriously every year goes by and not one sibling, niece, nephew etc calls to wish me a happy birthday.
Last year I decided not to call one single sibling on their birthday, and you know how that was handled???
A few of them calling me to give me shit for not calling in the first place. My reply: "Just returning the courtesy I've been shown". Only then to be told how THEY"RE SO BUSY etc... but I wouldn't understand as I don't own my home to maintenance, have a husband nor a boyfriend to mention of, that I couldn't possibly understand the time constraint they are on, so forgetting to call should be forgiven and understood. *coughcoughbullshitcough*
My reply: "Feeling the love", *click*
I can't even begin to tell you how disheartening it is to be dismissed by siblings. You'd think I'd be use to it by now as I've made the decision not to communicate with them anymore after a few things happened on major holidays and birthdays etc.
Could someone please explain to me how 5 siblings are all on the same page about how its acceptable to treat the youngest sibling this way but then expect fireworks and cheerleading squads for their special days? Is there a monthly group meeting like AA that I'm not aware of?
To my friends that forget, more forgiving as they always call within a day to say they were thinking of me etc.. I let them slide cos I'm in constant contact with them and know it wasn't a malicious act.
To my family, I say screw you.
My birthday comes at the same time every year, as does yours and in the last 38 years (til last year) I never missed calling any of you.
It's one day where you're allowed to be the centre of attention (somewhat) and be wished a good day.
My work friends have made a big deal out of my birthday which feels nice, but they're work friends.
Not outside of work friends, nor family. But its nice nonetheless and at this point I'll take what I can get.
Now onto being single and almost 40.
I have less of an issue with this than I do with my siblings forgetting my birthday, yearly.
I've been chatting with a few married, divorced, widowed friends over the past few weeks etc when I started to panic about being single at this age. I've grown up (mostly due to society) imposing the idea that you are used good s after 30, and gawd forbid if you were almost 40 and NEVER married! Well then there must be something fundamentally wrong with you!
Which I always though was weird cos life happens in many ways to cause single hood at 40, but to be single at almost 40 BY CHOICE?? *GASP* You Freak!
A friend made the observation more obvious.
You could be single for so many reasons. Married too early, widowed, moved for a job etc...
I stated that it seems those people seems to get less grief for being single at this age cos they've been thru something. They've been married.
My friend got the point I was trying to make and cut me off mid rant....
WHO CARES!? They're single now! Regardless how they got there, how is that different?
I guess my point is although I'm not thrilled about single and never married, I am not a freak of nature cos society has said so.
In the end, I don't see light at the end of the tunnel and when/if I do, it will be my luck to find out its some asshole at the end with a flashlight.
I know this was all bitter and not fun. It will pass. As every year I get older and realize the majority of people jerks.
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
Cheating.....Or is it? You decide.
Oh Men, how I wish I could give you a brain.
One with enough blood supply to work the brains above and below your shoulders simultaneously.
I have been chatting it up on msn with a guy I use to date.
Of course our conversations lead to the naughty variety. ;)
This has been going on for a while on/off when we're both single... so I thought. (It was implied we were both single)
I learned that he is indeed NOT SINGLE, but dating exclusively since April.
Okay, now we have a problem.
I mentioned to him that he's cheating on his g/f and I could not condone further conversations of this nature whilst he's dating exclusively. Cheater.
His reply was this:
"It's not cheating if it's not in person".
YES IT IS!!!! There are different types of cheating, and having naughty conversations with an ex who lives only minutes away is cheating.
Of course I asked how he'd feel if he found out his g/f was doing the same?
Men are weird.
His reply: "I'd be cool with that as long as she came to me when she was all worked up.
Would it be acceptable if I didn't know you in real life?"
NO IT WOULDN'T!
He went on to say I was "no fun". Well friggin booooooooohoooooooooooo for you.
Do unto others, what goes around comes around etc, pick your phrase, doesn't matter.
Karma is coming for you.
I think I've lost complete faith in men all together and their ability to not cheat.
And men wonder why women have trust issues.
Another question has just popped into mind. Are men under the influence that until they put a ring on our finger that they are free to behave like this?
He claims he's really into this girl, but then does this? How many other women is he "chatting" with?
Regardless this past conversation took him out of the running of ever being boyfriend material again. Ever.
I'm starting to think those little old ladies who live alone and collect cats are not as crazy as we think.
Maybe they just figured this out sooner and chose not to belittle their self respect and dignity with being invovled with cheaters.
I'm going to start embracing single hood, cos it looks like I'm going to be here awhile.
One with enough blood supply to work the brains above and below your shoulders simultaneously.
I have been chatting it up on msn with a guy I use to date.
Of course our conversations lead to the naughty variety. ;)
This has been going on for a while on/off when we're both single... so I thought. (It was implied we were both single)
I learned that he is indeed NOT SINGLE, but dating exclusively since April.
Okay, now we have a problem.
I mentioned to him that he's cheating on his g/f and I could not condone further conversations of this nature whilst he's dating exclusively. Cheater.
His reply was this:
"It's not cheating if it's not in person".
YES IT IS!!!! There are different types of cheating, and having naughty conversations with an ex who lives only minutes away is cheating.
Of course I asked how he'd feel if he found out his g/f was doing the same?
Men are weird.
His reply: "I'd be cool with that as long as she came to me when she was all worked up.
Would it be acceptable if I didn't know you in real life?"
NO IT WOULDN'T!
He went on to say I was "no fun". Well friggin booooooooohoooooooooooo for you.
Do unto others, what goes around comes around etc, pick your phrase, doesn't matter.
Karma is coming for you.
I think I've lost complete faith in men all together and their ability to not cheat.
And men wonder why women have trust issues.
Another question has just popped into mind. Are men under the influence that until they put a ring on our finger that they are free to behave like this?
He claims he's really into this girl, but then does this? How many other women is he "chatting" with?
Regardless this past conversation took him out of the running of ever being boyfriend material again. Ever.
I'm starting to think those little old ladies who live alone and collect cats are not as crazy as we think.
Maybe they just figured this out sooner and chose not to belittle their self respect and dignity with being invovled with cheaters.
I'm going to start embracing single hood, cos it looks like I'm going to be here awhile.
Sunday, 13 June 2010
My Friends Humble Me.
This entry is from another blog that I wrote many years ago.
Since I have nothing to write about and both my parents anniversaries just past, this seems fitting.
Hope you enjoy it.
I've recently been listening to Edwin's new Cd. and a few songs hit home for me more than others...
"Eyes of an child", is the song that brought me to these memories and made me have a long over due cry for my parents. Just days before my mum passed away, she would have these moments of clarity in her comfortable morphine state.
Tina and Laurie both had special bonds with my mum, I never questioned it and just always let it be. Mrs.D is what most called her. Anyways, Tina was in the hospital room with my family and I, and happened to be standing beside her when she woke. My mum mistaken her for Laurie... (both have dark hair and same stature).
Mum woke and grabbed Tina's hand thanking "Laurie" for all the angels she gave her over the years and that she will always be remembered and have a special place in her heart... they had a unspoken share and love for angles for their own reasons. Tina just held her hand and gracefully said, "you're welcome".
My one sister that was in the room was about to jump to to tell mum that this was Tina not Laurie, as my friend Angela touched my sisters arm and just shook her head NO. no words were spoken....
I think my sister knew at that moment, finally.. it wasn't about HER.
When mum finally did pass away, she just looked like she was sleeping and sort of happy... something was missing.. she wasn't "resting" even the nurses said.. "she's sticking around, someone hasn't made it here to say goodbye".....the nurse had no idea how right she was, it was Laurie.
She had got caught in traffic. She finally arrived and I gave her and my mum some time to say goodbye. The nurses' at St.Mary's were amazing and gave us (Family had left by now) all the time we needed, even though it had been many many hours after family had come and gone.
When she was done, I went back to spend time with my mum. It was the hardest thing to sit there knowing if I walked out of the room, I'd never see her again.. Trying to take in all the smells, good and bad... and yes for those that don't know, death has a smell. Not gross, just one you'll never forget.
Looking at her, I knew it was Laurie she was waiting for. She was now looking rested, peaceful, and now gone. Now she could run in the fields with one her sisters that she said was waiting for her, as they did as kids. (We originally thought it was the drugs in her last days.. we now know much better).
After the death of a loved one, I now KNOW that the mind, soul and body are indeed separate.
Her body was gone, but her soul was there until the last person paid their respects.
Fast forward a few years.......
I've self destructed and getting into all sorts of trouble then sought professional help. In reality it was only 6 months later but felt like years.
I've met Jenny (2 years later) thru a new job and instantly had a connection. Barely knowing each other, we went surfing for a weekend in Tofino. Met up with Tina since at the time she was working for a developer there and met up with us. While at lunch, Jen asked about my parents and Tina jumped in right away telling these great stories of my mum. :) Then to look over and see her crying made myself and Jenny tear up. I had no idea that at this point (years past) it had effected her this way. At that very moment, I knew the impact my mum had on my friends, and felt loved and safe again.
I met Tina's parents a few years ago, her mummy sent me a wonderful phone message saying that if I ever needed anything she was there for me. Of course I'd never take her up on it, I'm not that type of person.
Finally met her, and instantly LOVED her mum and knew the kind of person she was. She walked up to me (First time meeting) and just hugged me, like only a mum can. I cried like I've never before. This was my new family. Tina and her sister have always been good to me, now her mum, dad and sisters wife had just opened their arms and home to me to allow me to be a spazz in a safe environment.
Since then I've spent ever holiday with that family.. they are my family.
My friends are my chosen family.
Fast forward 4 years...
We put Dad in a home a year later, he had Alzheimer's. Totally different kind of loss. I was not the best daughter when it came to visiting him in the home we put him in. The first one, he wasn't on the right floor, (He needed 24 hours supervision and was on a semi independent floor due to shortage of beds) he wouldn't wear his diaper and slipped and fell in his own urine. The first time hitting his head, the second time breaking his hip... needless to say my oldest brother coughed up the difference to put him in a private home with much better care.
Once we moved him, I only visited him two times. I justified it at the time. I just COULDN'T watch another parent wither away into nothing then die. So my siblings respected it and still very angry about my mum death, I couldn't see ahead how it would effect me later in life.
Enter my friends....
I got the call at work that he passed away and tried SOOOO hard to hold it together. I had just been promoted into a new management position for a brand new department. I then broke down, at work. I walked to the bathroom and crumbled to the ground. I had no control, my hands were waving about and hyper ventilating.
MY BOSS happened to be in one of the stalls. When you're that grief stricken, you don't think about how you look to anyone, but they handled me with such care...
I'm not one for drugs, ... but gawd bless Candis's soul for sedating me with Valium.
We're now at the home and my siblings are squawking about what to dress my father in. My oldest sister picks out some HORRIBLE outfit stripes and plaid.... oh gawd... my niece says soooo seriously and loudly. OVER HIS DEAD BODY YOU WILL NOT DRESS HIM THAT!!!!
Everyone looked at her gasping, like she killed him herself... I laughed out loud, more like a cackle. It was the best thing I've heard all day. lol
Not sure when I called my friends or when they arrived, but a few days before we were at the home and I couldn't bare to touch my dad, talk to him, anything. Connie walked up to him held his hand and talked to him.... (We've always looked a lot alike.. mistaken for each other by both sides of the family).
In my head she was being me. I couldn't do it.
I don't think I ever did touch him. kiss him goodbye , (I'm sure I did though).
I was scared for my mental health and just couldn't do it again...
In the end, as time passes, songs like Edwin's "Eyes of a child" bring me to tears and to my knees.
I kill myself more and more wishing I had handled it better, and wonder if my dad knew. Knew I why I couldn't bare to be too close to him when he got sick.
I know when the days I did see him, he didn't know who I was or when I arrived, then would have a moment of clarity and say "HI Sami.. how are you"? Then 10 mins later ask if I was his nurse. It killed me.
Now years later, maybe survivors guilt of sorts, I wish I had just sucked it up and said the things I wanted to in his ear, like I did my mum in her last days.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I could take it back, do it differently, for my own mental health. I have to make myself believe that he knew. He was the strong silent type and was far from stupid.
So Dad, I'm sorry I didn't say it earlier. I'm so very proud of you, who you are, the things you did for our family our mum, raising me to not be a hellian and ended up on the straight and narrow. For being the strong silent type, the provider, and for raising me in your own ways but teaching me lessons the hard way rather than just giving me shit. For beating my ass when I was young and got in serious trouble.. (Never made that mistake twice). For loving my crazy siblings, and my mum. Without you, life would have been a whole lot different. For teaching me about cars, tools, how to cut grass, the environment, money, and giving me the freedom to be bad to a certain extent. Introducing me to Newcastle beer when I was of age, and watching Hurling together. Smoking your pipe with cheery tobacco & stinking up the house. But now, it makes me smile to see an elderly man sitting smoking a pipe. I always sit near them and strike a conversation of sorts just to be near them for a bit.
My friends think I'm crazy, but know there is more than meets the eyes when I do shit like this and never call me out on it.... those are my friends.
I recently met someone here on myspace and our friendship is blossoming like those of friends I have now... she told me recently that she was looking forward to building strong relationships with strong brilliant women(Something among those lines) and it made me realize that I haven't thanked my friends enough lately for just being them, for loving me when I'm crazy, sane and everything in between.
I hope that I'm lucky enough to be half the person my friends are to me.
My friends are my chosen family.
My friends humble me.
Since I have nothing to write about and both my parents anniversaries just past, this seems fitting.
Hope you enjoy it.
I've recently been listening to Edwin's new Cd. and a few songs hit home for me more than others...
"Eyes of an child", is the song that brought me to these memories and made me have a long over due cry for my parents. Just days before my mum passed away, she would have these moments of clarity in her comfortable morphine state.
Tina and Laurie both had special bonds with my mum, I never questioned it and just always let it be. Mrs.D is what most called her. Anyways, Tina was in the hospital room with my family and I, and happened to be standing beside her when she woke. My mum mistaken her for Laurie... (both have dark hair and same stature).
Mum woke and grabbed Tina's hand thanking "Laurie" for all the angels she gave her over the years and that she will always be remembered and have a special place in her heart... they had a unspoken share and love for angles for their own reasons. Tina just held her hand and gracefully said, "you're welcome".
My one sister that was in the room was about to jump to to tell mum that this was Tina not Laurie, as my friend Angela touched my sisters arm and just shook her head NO. no words were spoken....
I think my sister knew at that moment, finally.. it wasn't about HER.
When mum finally did pass away, she just looked like she was sleeping and sort of happy... something was missing.. she wasn't "resting" even the nurses said.. "she's sticking around, someone hasn't made it here to say goodbye".....the nurse had no idea how right she was, it was Laurie.
She had got caught in traffic. She finally arrived and I gave her and my mum some time to say goodbye. The nurses' at St.Mary's were amazing and gave us (Family had left by now) all the time we needed, even though it had been many many hours after family had come and gone.
When she was done, I went back to spend time with my mum. It was the hardest thing to sit there knowing if I walked out of the room, I'd never see her again.. Trying to take in all the smells, good and bad... and yes for those that don't know, death has a smell. Not gross, just one you'll never forget.
Looking at her, I knew it was Laurie she was waiting for. She was now looking rested, peaceful, and now gone. Now she could run in the fields with one her sisters that she said was waiting for her, as they did as kids. (We originally thought it was the drugs in her last days.. we now know much better).
After the death of a loved one, I now KNOW that the mind, soul and body are indeed separate.
Her body was gone, but her soul was there until the last person paid their respects.
Fast forward a few years.......
I've self destructed and getting into all sorts of trouble then sought professional help. In reality it was only 6 months later but felt like years.
I've met Jenny (2 years later) thru a new job and instantly had a connection. Barely knowing each other, we went surfing for a weekend in Tofino. Met up with Tina since at the time she was working for a developer there and met up with us. While at lunch, Jen asked about my parents and Tina jumped in right away telling these great stories of my mum. :) Then to look over and see her crying made myself and Jenny tear up. I had no idea that at this point (years past) it had effected her this way. At that very moment, I knew the impact my mum had on my friends, and felt loved and safe again.
I met Tina's parents a few years ago, her mummy sent me a wonderful phone message saying that if I ever needed anything she was there for me. Of course I'd never take her up on it, I'm not that type of person.
Finally met her, and instantly LOVED her mum and knew the kind of person she was. She walked up to me (First time meeting) and just hugged me, like only a mum can. I cried like I've never before. This was my new family. Tina and her sister have always been good to me, now her mum, dad and sisters wife had just opened their arms and home to me to allow me to be a spazz in a safe environment.
Since then I've spent ever holiday with that family.. they are my family.
My friends are my chosen family.
Fast forward 4 years...
We put Dad in a home a year later, he had Alzheimer's. Totally different kind of loss. I was not the best daughter when it came to visiting him in the home we put him in. The first one, he wasn't on the right floor, (He needed 24 hours supervision and was on a semi independent floor due to shortage of beds) he wouldn't wear his diaper and slipped and fell in his own urine. The first time hitting his head, the second time breaking his hip... needless to say my oldest brother coughed up the difference to put him in a private home with much better care.
Once we moved him, I only visited him two times. I justified it at the time. I just COULDN'T watch another parent wither away into nothing then die. So my siblings respected it and still very angry about my mum death, I couldn't see ahead how it would effect me later in life.
Enter my friends....
I got the call at work that he passed away and tried SOOOO hard to hold it together. I had just been promoted into a new management position for a brand new department. I then broke down, at work. I walked to the bathroom and crumbled to the ground. I had no control, my hands were waving about and hyper ventilating.
MY BOSS happened to be in one of the stalls. When you're that grief stricken, you don't think about how you look to anyone, but they handled me with such care...
I'm not one for drugs, ... but gawd bless Candis's soul for sedating me with Valium.
We're now at the home and my siblings are squawking about what to dress my father in. My oldest sister picks out some HORRIBLE outfit stripes and plaid.... oh gawd... my niece says soooo seriously and loudly. OVER HIS DEAD BODY YOU WILL NOT DRESS HIM THAT!!!!
Everyone looked at her gasping, like she killed him herself... I laughed out loud, more like a cackle. It was the best thing I've heard all day. lol
Not sure when I called my friends or when they arrived, but a few days before we were at the home and I couldn't bare to touch my dad, talk to him, anything. Connie walked up to him held his hand and talked to him.... (We've always looked a lot alike.. mistaken for each other by both sides of the family).
In my head she was being me. I couldn't do it.
I don't think I ever did touch him. kiss him goodbye , (I'm sure I did though).
I was scared for my mental health and just couldn't do it again...
In the end, as time passes, songs like Edwin's "Eyes of a child" bring me to tears and to my knees.
I kill myself more and more wishing I had handled it better, and wonder if my dad knew. Knew I why I couldn't bare to be too close to him when he got sick.
I know when the days I did see him, he didn't know who I was or when I arrived, then would have a moment of clarity and say "HI Sami.. how are you"? Then 10 mins later ask if I was his nurse. It killed me.
Now years later, maybe survivors guilt of sorts, I wish I had just sucked it up and said the things I wanted to in his ear, like I did my mum in her last days.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I could take it back, do it differently, for my own mental health. I have to make myself believe that he knew. He was the strong silent type and was far from stupid.
So Dad, I'm sorry I didn't say it earlier. I'm so very proud of you, who you are, the things you did for our family our mum, raising me to not be a hellian and ended up on the straight and narrow. For being the strong silent type, the provider, and for raising me in your own ways but teaching me lessons the hard way rather than just giving me shit. For beating my ass when I was young and got in serious trouble.. (Never made that mistake twice). For loving my crazy siblings, and my mum. Without you, life would have been a whole lot different. For teaching me about cars, tools, how to cut grass, the environment, money, and giving me the freedom to be bad to a certain extent. Introducing me to Newcastle beer when I was of age, and watching Hurling together. Smoking your pipe with cheery tobacco & stinking up the house. But now, it makes me smile to see an elderly man sitting smoking a pipe. I always sit near them and strike a conversation of sorts just to be near them for a bit.
My friends think I'm crazy, but know there is more than meets the eyes when I do shit like this and never call me out on it.... those are my friends.
I recently met someone here on myspace and our friendship is blossoming like those of friends I have now... she told me recently that she was looking forward to building strong relationships with strong brilliant women(Something among those lines) and it made me realize that I haven't thanked my friends enough lately for just being them, for loving me when I'm crazy, sane and everything in between.
I hope that I'm lucky enough to be half the person my friends are to me.
My friends are my chosen family.
My friends humble me.
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
Rejection & Gluten Free Diet...
As you know dear readers, I'm an online dater.
I have a system, one for which the most part is sound.
However there are always those who don't play by my rules and get rejected.
Ok, no one has to play by my rules, but we should get along and even though at this stage in the game online, msn, phone calls, skype, webcam et cetra, manners count. If you do not have manners or lack simple common sense, then by definition, you are not playing by my rules and will be rejected. (Not as harsh as it sounds, could have said, no chemisty, moving on).
The last guy I was chatting withis was my own age, handsome, lives out of town (moving to my city next week) has a career, ambitions to retired early and visit all restaurants worldwide that have chefs who are listed in the Michelin Guide.
Okay cool. I like food and who doesn't want to experience chefs rated best in the WORLD!?
We could talk about food for hours, and I think we did.
However when I tried to move the conversation to another topic of say, personal stuff about himself, he was more than happy to just talk, talk, talk, talk..... Every so often I'd inject something about myself on a related note and he'd cut me off and go back to himself. There was no back and forth of getting to know each other.
If he wasn't talking about food or himself, he wasn't interest or interesting.
I bluntly asked him a few conversations in, if there was anything about ME he'd like to know?
He didn't quiet answer but managed to turn it back to himself, again.
At this point, I've written him off as any kind of romantic connection, and put him in the "friend" category. Now that's not always a bad place to be. I'm a great friend, and there is always room for new ones whos company you could enjoy. I've stopped calling him, or returning texts.. .oh wait, that's right, he doesn't text or call me first. Ever.
Why was I perusing this/him after the 3rd conversation?
I texted him today to say once he was all settled in his new place to give me a shout and we'll hang out as friends. Hoping he'd catch on that I did not mention a date or "hooking up" etc, but FRIENDS.
He replied, "I'm sorry, I don't think I"m interested anymore as you never ask me anything."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Normally I would take this and just leave it alone, I mean I'm not interested anyways, so no problem.
But no.... I had to reply. "I never asked anything cos you never stopped talking about yourself long enough, you answered any questions already that I might have had. Hope you enjoy the city. Good luck in search."
He replied again...."I never asked anything cos women never tire of hearing about my adventures. Maybe you should get out and live a little then you'd have adventures of your own to share."
Wow, jumps right into the bitter pool. I sat on it for a bit, cos this kind of thing isn't worth the banter.
Then I remind myself I'm dealing with an almost 40 yr old man, who acts like this?
My final reply. "Wow, Not sure why you're behaving like a petulant child who isn't getting the reaction he'd hope for. The first couple conversations were nice until I realized that any deferring any topic away from YOURSELF you had nothing to say. If you had bothered to ASK me ANYTHING you have learned I have things to share. But I'm not one to talk about myself unless asked. Good luck with your search in finding love, and enjoying all the diverse restaurants this great city has to offer." :)
He replied again with some more child like hissy fit type remarks. Aiming one at my weight.
This could go on and on, and on, but I decided to let him have the last word and move on.
In the back of my head, I thank the universe for giving me the experience of being a girthy single woman.
I remind myself I was fit for the majority of my life and although I plan on being fit again, I'm glad for this eye opening experience, how people think using ones weight as a tool to insult them is an acceptable way to make themselves feel better about who they are...
Its not a secret I'm heavy right now, I healthy, just overweight.
He will remain a jerk for taking the dig in the first place.
Ok moving on..... GLUTEN FREE DIET.... sort of.
I have dietary issues, not major ones, but ones I should be paying a whole lot more attention too.
My whole life I've never really be able to tolerate wheat & high gluten products.
Mostly in the form of breads and pasta's, which has resulted feeling blah or on the toilet more often than I care.
I have a form of IBD. When I eat the wrong things, it behaves like having Crohns.
This results with me in a lot of pain, and sometimes taking time off work. Not so much anymore now that I've restricted myself to stay away from the "DO NOT EAT" list. (lettuce, oranges, and capers being No#1 evil) I've had my colonscope and everything is healthy, for the moment.
I've been advised that I should make the necessary changes to live a better life.
With the help of friends, and some who have wheat allergies and others who have celiac disease, I have a good chance of being successful at this.
It doesn't mean I have to have a "special" diet, but I have to really watch what I put into my body, the same as someone who has diabetes.
My start. No processed foods, back to meat, potatoes and veggies, no more "quick fix meals". Good thing I love to cook. No bread that isn't Gluten low/free. All things that have wheat flour in the them (bread pasta, etc) will be replaced with items made from rice flour.
So really I'm not missing out on anything, I'm just changing it up a little.
I'll keep you updated with what could be some tumultuous trials as I'm sure I'll throw myself to the floor from time to time begging/crying over this being my hardships.
Yes you have my permission to point, laugh and tell me to suck it up lady! lol
I have a system, one for which the most part is sound.
However there are always those who don't play by my rules and get rejected.
Ok, no one has to play by my rules, but we should get along and even though at this stage in the game online, msn, phone calls, skype, webcam et cetra, manners count. If you do not have manners or lack simple common sense, then by definition, you are not playing by my rules and will be rejected. (Not as harsh as it sounds, could have said, no chemisty, moving on).
The last guy I was chatting with
Okay cool. I like food and who doesn't want to experience chefs rated best in the WORLD!?
We could talk about food for hours, and I think we did.
However when I tried to move the conversation to another topic of say, personal stuff about himself, he was more than happy to just talk, talk, talk, talk..... Every so often I'd inject something about myself on a related note and he'd cut me off and go back to himself. There was no back and forth of getting to know each other.
If he wasn't talking about food or himself, he wasn't interest or interesting.
I bluntly asked him a few conversations in, if there was anything about ME he'd like to know?
He didn't quiet answer but managed to turn it back to himself, again.
At this point, I've written him off as any kind of romantic connection, and put him in the "friend" category. Now that's not always a bad place to be. I'm a great friend, and there is always room for new ones whos company you could enjoy. I've stopped calling him, or returning texts.. .oh wait, that's right, he doesn't text or call me first. Ever.
Why was I perusing this/him after the 3rd conversation?
I texted him today to say once he was all settled in his new place to give me a shout and we'll hang out as friends. Hoping he'd catch on that I did not mention a date or "hooking up" etc, but FRIENDS.
He replied, "I'm sorry, I don't think I"m interested anymore as you never ask me anything."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Normally I would take this and just leave it alone, I mean I'm not interested anyways, so no problem.
But no.... I had to reply. "I never asked anything cos you never stopped talking about yourself long enough, you answered any questions already that I might have had. Hope you enjoy the city. Good luck in search."
He replied again...."I never asked anything cos women never tire of hearing about my adventures. Maybe you should get out and live a little then you'd have adventures of your own to share."
Wow, jumps right into the bitter pool. I sat on it for a bit, cos this kind of thing isn't worth the banter.
Then I remind myself I'm dealing with an almost 40 yr old man, who acts like this?
My final reply. "Wow, Not sure why you're behaving like a petulant child who isn't getting the reaction he'd hope for. The first couple conversations were nice until I realized that any deferring any topic away from YOURSELF you had nothing to say. If you had bothered to ASK me ANYTHING you have learned I have things to share. But I'm not one to talk about myself unless asked. Good luck with your search in finding love, and enjoying all the diverse restaurants this great city has to offer." :)
He replied again with some more child like hissy fit type remarks. Aiming one at my weight.
This could go on and on, and on, but I decided to let him have the last word and move on.
In the back of my head, I thank the universe for giving me the experience of being a girthy single woman.
I remind myself I was fit for the majority of my life and although I plan on being fit again, I'm glad for this eye opening experience, how people think using ones weight as a tool to insult them is an acceptable way to make themselves feel better about who they are...
Its not a secret I'm heavy right now, I healthy, just overweight.
He will remain a jerk for taking the dig in the first place.
Ok moving on..... GLUTEN FREE DIET.... sort of.
I have dietary issues, not major ones, but ones I should be paying a whole lot more attention too.
My whole life I've never really be able to tolerate wheat & high gluten products.
Mostly in the form of breads and pasta's, which has resulted feeling blah or on the toilet more often than I care.
I have a form of IBD. When I eat the wrong things, it behaves like having Crohns.
This results with me in a lot of pain, and sometimes taking time off work. Not so much anymore now that I've restricted myself to stay away from the "DO NOT EAT" list. (lettuce, oranges, and capers being No#1 evil) I've had my colonscope and everything is healthy, for the moment.
I've been advised that I should make the necessary changes to live a better life.
With the help of friends, and some who have wheat allergies and others who have celiac disease, I have a good chance of being successful at this.
It doesn't mean I have to have a "special" diet, but I have to really watch what I put into my body, the same as someone who has diabetes.
My start. No processed foods, back to meat, potatoes and veggies, no more "quick fix meals". Good thing I love to cook. No bread that isn't Gluten low/free. All things that have wheat flour in the them (bread pasta, etc) will be replaced with items made from rice flour.
So really I'm not missing out on anything, I'm just changing it up a little.
I'll keep you updated with what could be some tumultuous trials as I'm sure I'll throw myself to the floor from time to time begging/crying over this being my hardships.
Yes you have my permission to point, laugh and tell me to suck it up lady! lol
Friday, 4 June 2010
To Rent or Not to Rent, That is the Question.....
A lot of my friends and family own their houses and constantly bitch about the cost of upkeep, property taxes in addition for some strata fee's etc.....
It's becoming ever more clear to me why I will probably never own my own home and renting isn't the worst thing out there.
Pro's Vs. Con's to owning property in Vancouver.
Con's To Owning
* Paying more than 500G for less than 600 sq ft anywhere in the lower mainland west of the Valley.
* Owning in strata's... need permission from a committee to "okay" allotments to the exterior of your own home. (Unforntually strata's are the only way a lot of people can afford to own homes these days, without living in the valley)
* Maintenance (inside and out), repairs, reno's = all at your own cost and time.
* Property taxes
* House Insurance. Okay this isn't really a con, but it's a completely different policy than that of renters in apartments or units in houses.
*In Debt for the next 20-30 years (not a bad debt, you have a house to show for it)
Pro's to Owning
* You own your own damn house. Enough said.
* Investments, you can make money on your investments if you're able to rent it out etc. (Someone else pays your mortgage.)
Con's To Renting (apartments and basement suites)
*You may not have courtesy neighbours when it comes to being noise pollution and hours of the day.
*You need permission to do the simplest things, like painting. That has to be approved by property management. (Some don't care, most do).
* 90% of the time landlords do not allow you to have pets. (Most won't allow cats and dogs, but will allow caged animals, rodents and fish...... so I cant have a cat, but I can have a 60 gallon fish tank? Who knew?)
*Landlords can evict you for whatever reason they feel is justified.
Pro's To Renting
* Renter's Insurance - If you have it, check it twice. You're covered for a lot of things that may not be your fault. Earthquakes - (check your policy close on this one, since a lot of places do not allow this protection after a certain year cos we live on a fault line) floods, back up floods, loss of food due to power outage, fire, theft, maintenance in and outside the building. Say if the city is doing road repairs down the street and hit a line, and it floods my house, I'm covered. The Neighbour falls asleep while smoking and burns the building the the ground, I'm covered.
* If any appliances break down, they are replaced immediately without cost to you.
* More sq ft for less money. (Means you can have HOUSE furniture and not scaled down loft size furniture)
*No pets. This is a bonus if you have allergies, but doesn't help if the neighbour smokes. Although you can file a complaint if her/his smoking casuses your apartment to smell.
* No Property Taxes. You may have strata fee's depending on the building and amenities.
* No property maintenance. Unless you rent a house, even then the landlord usually has hired someone to maintenance their property.
* Freedom to move from one city to the next without worrying about selling your home.
* You have rights to dispute against your landlord for eviction, repairs, etc. Just cos the management says you must do something or leave, doesn't make it so. Thank Gawd for the Residential Tenancy Act.
* A variety of prices in renting around the city... There is something for everyone
Would love to hear your pro's vs. cons on owning/renting.
It's becoming ever more clear to me why I will probably never own my own home and renting isn't the worst thing out there.
Pro's Vs. Con's to owning property in Vancouver.
Con's To Owning
* Paying more than 500G for less than 600 sq ft anywhere in the lower mainland west of the Valley.
* Owning in strata's... need permission from a committee to "okay" allotments to the exterior of your own home. (Unforntually strata's are the only way a lot of people can afford to own homes these days, without living in the valley)
* Maintenance (inside and out), repairs, reno's = all at your own cost and time.
* Property taxes
* House Insurance. Okay this isn't really a con, but it's a completely different policy than that of renters in apartments or units in houses.
*In Debt for the next 20-30 years (not a bad debt, you have a house to show for it)
Pro's to Owning
* You own your own damn house. Enough said.
* Investments, you can make money on your investments if you're able to rent it out etc. (Someone else pays your mortgage.)
Con's To Renting (apartments and basement suites)
*You may not have courtesy neighbours when it comes to being noise pollution and hours of the day.
*You need permission to do the simplest things, like painting. That has to be approved by property management. (Some don't care, most do).
* 90% of the time landlords do not allow you to have pets. (Most won't allow cats and dogs, but will allow caged animals, rodents and fish...... so I cant have a cat, but I can have a 60 gallon fish tank? Who knew?)
*Landlords can evict you for whatever reason they feel is justified.
Pro's To Renting
* Renter's Insurance - If you have it, check it twice. You're covered for a lot of things that may not be your fault. Earthquakes - (check your policy close on this one, since a lot of places do not allow this protection after a certain year cos we live on a fault line) floods, back up floods, loss of food due to power outage, fire, theft, maintenance in and outside the building. Say if the city is doing road repairs down the street and hit a line, and it floods my house, I'm covered. The Neighbour falls asleep while smoking and burns the building the the ground, I'm covered.
* If any appliances break down, they are replaced immediately without cost to you.
* More sq ft for less money. (Means you can have HOUSE furniture and not scaled down loft size furniture)
*No pets. This is a bonus if you have allergies, but doesn't help if the neighbour smokes. Although you can file a complaint if her/his smoking casuses your apartment to smell.
* No Property Taxes. You may have strata fee's depending on the building and amenities.
* No property maintenance. Unless you rent a house, even then the landlord usually has hired someone to maintenance their property.
* Freedom to move from one city to the next without worrying about selling your home.
* You have rights to dispute against your landlord for eviction, repairs, etc. Just cos the management says you must do something or leave, doesn't make it so. Thank Gawd for the Residential Tenancy Act.
* A variety of prices in renting around the city... There is something for everyone
Would love to hear your pro's vs. cons on owning/renting.
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
Surrounded by Stupidity or entertaining?
I am. Surrounded by idiots and stupidity.... or I just got up on the wrong side of the bed today.
The following (In no particular order) is what's happened since I got to work at 7:30am this morning and now. 1pm Yes I work this early.
*The local high-end plus size store has an ad on their website for a bra clinic = proper fittings.
I called to make the appointment today for lunch to find out the ad on the website is WRONG. Ugh... off to to a department store for a fitting.... now you might be saying "whoa calm the effin down, that's nothing to get upset about"....oh but it gets better.
*The president of the Bargle Company I work for drives a few nice cars.
One being a shiny red Ferrari for sunny days. (It hasn't been sunny for a few weeks, nor dry)
He parks it in the same place every time he drives it, at the front door on display.
Then promptly gets upset when too many random people drive into the parking lot to take a look... grrrr, Really?
Today was really no different other than the 1-tone delivery trucks that all decided that parking within an inch of the bumper would be a good idea. Seriously?
Can you afford the bumper? I can not, so go park in the loading bay where you should be so I can stop getting up from my desk (What seems like every few minutes) and telling your stupid ass to MOVE IT!
*I normally pay my bills online, but have fallen behind with one bill, so I thought I'd call in and bring the arrears up to date with my credit card. Now I usually get amazing service with this company, but today I swear it was "Train a Dumb Dumb" today.
I press all the according buttons from the automated service to make sure I get the department I want before being transferred to a real person. Once I do, I give my phone # and my name and then told I've been transferred to the wrong department. No biggie, it happens from time to time.
Only to find out they transfer me to the business phone's not the residential where I was.... When I asked WHY after giving all my information again, I was told (I kid you not) you were transferred here cos you're calling from a business phone. "Off course I'm calling FROM A BUSINESS PHONE NUMBER I'M AT WORK, I want to pay my rresidential phone bill. Please transfer me back" ................he replies "oh."
I get transferred a few more times, finally get what sounds like someone competent. When asked for my account number, again, I advise I don't have it, but I can give my phone # to start...
Again, I kid you not, this kid says to me:
" Ma'am without your account number I can not help you"
"Are you serious? What is the point of taking my Social Insurance #, my address, B-day, maiden name, and secret password if you can not assist me without the account number!?"
............sound of crickets............
"Ma'am I'm going to have to put you on hold for a few minutes while I discuss this with my associate, would that be okay?"
I hung up. 18 minutes, 3 departments, 4 people and got no where.
Called back, got the correct department, and was on/off the phone with the bill paid in 3 minutes.
So what was the issue the first time? Idiots I tell you.
*Lunch time!
The work wife and I are having a laugh over how stupidity and idiots are attracted to me today.
We head to Tim Horton's cos its been raining buckets here in Vancouver for a few weeks and well we just needed something cozy.
We order from the drive thru, ordered the chili.
We get our orders, I look in the bag and find my TAKE OUT chili with NO LID and the bread just dropped in the bag, no paper sleeve or protection of its own.
Sigh, really? Can this many people be THIS stupid in the same day?
If it wasn't for the fact it took us nearly 20 mins to get thru the line up and wasn't so effin hungry, I would have gone in and made a stink... It may be take out but its still a restaurant with health/safety and customer service standards. Isn't it?
If only I was quick thinking enough today, maybe the whole 'McPukes hot coffee in the lap' would have been the way to go with the chili.
I'm going home to bed. I don't think I"m meant to be in public today.
Hope my day made you laugh.
~Being Samiantha
The following (In no particular order) is what's happened since I got to work at 7:30am this morning and now. 1pm Yes I work this early.
*The local high-end plus size store has an ad on their website for a bra clinic = proper fittings.
I called to make the appointment today for lunch to find out the ad on the website is WRONG. Ugh... off to to a department store for a fitting.... now you might be saying "whoa calm the effin down, that's nothing to get upset about"....oh but it gets better.
*The president of the Bargle Company I work for drives a few nice cars.
One being a shiny red Ferrari for sunny days. (It hasn't been sunny for a few weeks, nor dry)
He parks it in the same place every time he drives it, at the front door on display.
Then promptly gets upset when too many random people drive into the parking lot to take a look... grrrr, Really?
Today was really no different other than the 1-tone delivery trucks that all decided that parking within an inch of the bumper would be a good idea. Seriously?
Can you afford the bumper? I can not, so go park in the loading bay where you should be so I can stop getting up from my desk (What seems like every few minutes) and telling your stupid ass to MOVE IT!
*I normally pay my bills online, but have fallen behind with one bill, so I thought I'd call in and bring the arrears up to date with my credit card. Now I usually get amazing service with this company, but today I swear it was "Train a Dumb Dumb" today.
I press all the according buttons from the automated service to make sure I get the department I want before being transferred to a real person. Once I do, I give my phone # and my name and then told I've been transferred to the wrong department. No biggie, it happens from time to time.
Only to find out they transfer me to the business phone's not the residential where I was.... When I asked WHY after giving all my information again, I was told (I kid you not) you were transferred here cos you're calling from a business phone. "Off course I'm calling FROM A BUSINESS PHONE NUMBER I'M AT WORK, I want to pay my rresidential phone bill. Please transfer me back" ................he replies "oh."
I get transferred a few more times, finally get what sounds like someone competent. When asked for my account number, again, I advise I don't have it, but I can give my phone # to start...
Again, I kid you not, this kid says to me:
" Ma'am without your account number I can not help you"
"Are you serious? What is the point of taking my Social Insurance #, my address, B-day, maiden name, and secret password if you can not assist me without the account number!?"
............sound of crickets............
"Ma'am I'm going to have to put you on hold for a few minutes while I discuss this with my associate, would that be okay?"
I hung up. 18 minutes, 3 departments, 4 people and got no where.
Called back, got the correct department, and was on/off the phone with the bill paid in 3 minutes.
So what was the issue the first time? Idiots I tell you.
*Lunch time!
The work wife and I are having a laugh over how stupidity and idiots are attracted to me today.
We head to Tim Horton's cos its been raining buckets here in Vancouver for a few weeks and well we just needed something cozy.
We order from the drive thru, ordered the chili.
We get our orders, I look in the bag and find my TAKE OUT chili with NO LID and the bread just dropped in the bag, no paper sleeve or protection of its own.
Sigh, really? Can this many people be THIS stupid in the same day?
If it wasn't for the fact it took us nearly 20 mins to get thru the line up and wasn't so effin hungry, I would have gone in and made a stink... It may be take out but its still a restaurant with health/safety and customer service standards. Isn't it?
If only I was quick thinking enough today, maybe the whole 'McPukes hot coffee in the lap' would have been the way to go with the chili.
I'm going home to bed. I don't think I"m meant to be in public today.
Hope my day made you laugh.
~Being Samiantha
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