Organized Religion confuses me....

Does anyone know anything about researching churches, or what questions I should be asking in order to find something that fits me?

Questions I’ve come across while thinking about whether or not attending a church is for me:
-Do I need to practice and commit 100%
-To believe in Negotiable and non negotiable
(meaning you agree with some or all of what the “word” of that church is preaching)
-Can I go sporadically for guidance as I feel it’s needed?
-Will I be ‘accepted” if I don’t believe in all the word spoken or attend regularly?
-Is it like a full time volunteering?

In short, I have an idea of what I’m seeking, what I need to know is, are there places that are more modern in allowing spiritual guidance rather than praying to a “God”, and following the word of that church?

Can I get what I’m looking for without attending Church?

It may be easier to list the things I believe in etc and what I’m looking for at this point. Although I’m not going to post that here, as all parts of religion are private and really shouldn’t be discussed for public debate, as everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, for their own reasons.

I think there are only a small few than can discuss this openly and not ram their “holy than thou” attitude at me.

If you’re reasonably educated in the vase varieties of dominations out there, or have ever been in my position and curious to know what my beliefs are or are not, and may be able to guide me in a direction you think would be beneficial or simple suggest different questions I can be asking in order to get the answers I’m seeking, then fire me over a comment with your email and I will email you privately off the blog.

As I start learning about all this, one thing is definite. This is not an easy task.
There are so many things out there and every place changes slightly.

Who knows, I could complete this search and find nothing that fits me.
Do I even need to attend a church at all in order to find this guidance?


~Being Samiantha

Forcing a better outlook

Morning All,

The sour mood is passing and will be NO MORE! I'm going to force a better outlook instead of wallowing in the woe-is-me, that has been my past 10 days or so. I'm all dried up.

I've learned that I DO have trust issues with men (was never really a secret) and no longer afraid to admit that to anyone. I've always known I want more for myself from relationships than what I'm being dealt. And forget at times to do something about it, rather than just accepting the hand. I'll fold and start new more often.
In the last month, I've been made more aware of a few things. Not really new to me, just dusting off images I have for myself, the things I like and want.

I like to nest and have someone to dote on. I REALLY like these things. Not cause its expected of me as a future wife or g/f, but cos I really do enjoy it.

Man, am I going to make a great wife. I know I'm a great g/f, when I am one.
I want to be married, or living with a man who I'm intimate with.

Added bonus for my ego that IG pointed out this past weekend. He told me I'm one of the most independent women he knows....well in the top 3. He said this after I pulled out my cordless drill, stud finder and level and showed him how to use them. lol Ya I don't pull the helpless female card often, but when I do, I do it right.. with the extra whiny voice and a slight foot stomp and pout. hahahahaha
I've lived alone since I moved out of my parents house. Gawd bless my dad for making me a reasonably self-sufficient women. (love you dad)

I want more. I'm ready for more. And its only the beginning of this yet-again-self-discovery. Really don't believe we discover ourselves just once, I believe its an ongoing work in progress.

In a previous post, I mentioned that our wants and desires for life, ourselves, our friendships, and relationships, change constantly based on life happening to us.
Death, birth, politics, religion,employment, money, or lack of it and more etc...
We are always reinventing ourselves, building more character than we knew we needed.
A work in progress (as Tinkbell would say).

That's all for now.
~Being Samiantha

Rough Week - Mothers Day

For those who don't know, both my parents have passed away.
Mum 9 years ago, Dad 5 years ago.

Mother's Day is this Sunday and for whatever reason, I'm having a very hard time managing myself this year and keeping my composure during the day.
At night when I'm home, no biggie, cos no one can see me.

I've been through 8 mothers days, and some were easier than others. (I thought surviving Xmas alone this past year I can do anything)This one.. ugh. and for the record, if anyone asks at work if I've been crying, no I haven't, its my allergies and I'm out of pills!!!! ;) Well that's what myself and a few colleges are saying.

I'm taking this Friday off, since being at work, well its just hard and I do not want to take the grrrr I'm holding in out on someone who doesn't deserve it.
Alot of my associates are mum's, and everyone is talking about their plans for this Sunday. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled they have kids, spouses, etc to celebrate with.... It's just tough hearing about it.

No fancy way of saying it.
This year sucks.

I have one friend, who lives locally and we've yet to meet in person, although we have mutual friends and 3 years passing since we started chatting (over a blog) She's the kind of friend who you can lose touch with and then pick up where you were days, weeks, months beforehand.

She has impeccable timing or a six sense when I need her shoulder.
Last night was no different. I bought some wine to help numb the tears,or hurry along the stress cry I've been waiting on... but wasn't in the mood to drink it... sigh... and couldn't force the tears now that I was home in a safe and private setting.

This friend, pops online msn after almost a years absences, and starts off with saying the sweetest things.. HELLO TEARS!
She wrote and wrote, and I sobbed, on and on... Then she reminded me about the family tradition we have in my family.
When someone dies and you can not visit the plot, etc.. You write them a letter, and then burn it. The wind will pick up the ashes and make sure they get it.

I haven't done this since the first or second year my parents passed away.
I may do that this weekend.
So I with our conversation under my belt and tears drying up (ever notice the saddest tears are the saltiest?)that all was good...Til I got to work this morning.

Short of it is, I'm glad to be working with the most insightful women ever.
(maybe women in general are just more insightful)
My work wife, looked at me and knew talking TO me would be bad, so we're chatting by emails and 3 floors apart. My immediate boss just gave me a look that said she understood, when I told her I was taking Friday off and did not offer any explanation.

My friends old and new, pop out of the woodwork in perfect sequence and offer an ear, a shoulder etc... even when some of them have their own tears to fight back.
Maybe its one of those things only women know. They all sensed that this year was tougher than years past.

I wont question it, and just express my gratitude that I have the friends in my life that I do.

So I'm a big sobbing wuss this year.

For all you who read my blog.
Here is your Happy Mothers Day!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

Thanks for all you do!
The daily –ish emails, the ear, the shoulder, and the virtual hugs.
Hope your Mothers Day is wonderful!
Xoxooxoxo

Was Off Track....

Turns out I have a few more readers than my followers show.
One emailed me recently letting me know or asking me why I was off topic lately.

The blog is suppose to be about my dating life. Well, yes it is, AND as it says in the title, "The Chaos of my life's ADVENTURES" that will, at times, cover more than just my dating life.

If you've read the information about my in my profile, it will cover a few other things other than my dating life.... or lack there of it these days.

I love that this person pointed this out to me although while typing this, I've received an email from them admitting they have not read my profile information.
I have a blog that I use to vent in, this one isnt meant to be that.

I'll try to keep the stories, short and always have a point.