It's the end of an inevitable era. I've broken up with my best friend.
No arguments, no discussion.
It's been 4 years since she moved in with me, after leaving a long term abusive relationship. Moved back, and in the end, a year ago ending up having the crap beaten out of her. He went to jail, no-contact orders were issued, and she got a place of her own. WOOT! WIN!
From what I've understood, they've found a common ground to be civil with each other. HUGE MILESTONE!
In the past 2 years, it's become increasingly harder to get her on the phone, ya know, like to talk too.. not texting. She only contacts me when its a crisis. I should be flattered I'm her go-to person... although I'm not.
It's 1 year, 10 months since the last time I actually had her ON the phone to talk to her. Since then its been texting and emails.
To add insult to injury, she comes to town every year for two weeks, for the last 3 years, to visit family and "friends". In those 3 years, she has yet been able to arrange an hour to see me. "oh sorry, the family, got all my time".
We've been friends 26 years, and in the past 4yrs I thought I'd be out a best friend from that monster taking her life. Nope. No time for me.
This trip was no different. She msg'd me to say she'd be in town and would LOVE to do coffee, that she would make a point of making time for me. As nice as it was to read those words, (cos I didn't hear them), I couldn't let myself believe her.
I don't know who she is anymore. Since the camping trip last month, I've learned not only is she hanging out in the house with the monster-ex, "for the kids", she's sleeping with him!!!!! My heart sank. For one, that I learned that information from one of his friends, 2, that it was true.
As much as I want to see her, I didn't get my hopes up. She texted Thursday to say, oops, she ran out of time. It's not like I don't know her family, 26 years..... I know them well, I could have joined in with any of the family events.... cos I know other friends did. I didn't even get mad. I wasn't going to reply, and I'm sure she was expecting me to throw a fit, cos in good nature, I get hurt, and yell at people who hurt me. This time, I only replied with a "have a safe drive". Nothing else. I'm sure well she knows she fucked up beyond repair this time.
It's over. All the support, putting our shit on the back burner, being the bigger person, supporting her in things I knew were bad for her, etc... This is how I'm repaid? No in person contact in 4 years, no on the phone contact in almost 2. Nice. Feeling the love? ha.
How I know it's over, I don't care, I don't feel anything.... I'm totally indifferent to it now. No point in arguing, or even talking about it, cos it doesn't mean anything. If I meant something she would make the time, and she continues not too.
I recently came across a saying that I liked, and it applies now.
"Be Careful how far you push me away. I might like it there".
I've reached that spot.
Soooo I'm taking applications for a new BFF.
