How selfish am I going to be in the following year? So selfish, I'm only doing things for ME, no one else.
That will be hard in itself cos I'm firecly loyal to my friends and helping them when I can.
A few things have triggered this turn of events.
This will be my second christmas alone, only to learn that the family I usually spend it with is actually going to be in town this year and no one bothered to inform me until it was too late, and I can not attend due to my finances being allocated elsewhere already.
Broke up with D after a 13 yr on/off again relationship that had no future.
Tired of people coming or calling on me, only when they need something.
Christmas is hard enough as it is, without feeling like an after thought.
I'm not looking for pity or to be invited anywhere. If it was meant to be, it would have happened naturally.
It didnt.
2010 moving forward I will do things that make me happy and not worry about inviting others.
Christmas next year will be spent on the island surfing. Maybe alone, but I'll be happy.
Going to date who I want under my terms, not worry about what my friends think, cos I'm the one dating him, not them. All input will be heard and considered but in no way will influence me like it has in the past
(you can't date him, his job sucks, he's too short, too tall, in the wrong field, too good looking, not handsome enough).... yes I've had to deal with that kind of input.
Maybe it's the season getting to me, but I'm really just exhausted making sure everyone else is happy and has a way to get to where ever with whomever, and then being neglected myself.
By my own doing or someone elses.
It's another rambling rant. It's how I feel.
I will do what I want come the new year (without being a bitch) if you fit into my plans, lucky you.
Others that don't naturally fit, will just be forgotten by the wayside.
No point keeping people around if you have to work at it having them as a friend in the first place.
Actions speak louder than words.
Monday, 21 December 2009
Monday, 7 December 2009
Saying goodbye to a relationship & Fresh Starts.....
This weekend has been anything that I thought it would.
I witness the sociopath on speaker phone as he yelled at my friend over things that werent revelant at 2am. When he did not get the answer he wanted, he called her all sorts of names.
That was one phone call I hear directly. If ANYONE had ever talked to me that way, ever, I would have walked away then. She put in 13 years. Strongest woman I've ever known in my life time so far.
Saturday I ended a 12 year relationship with a man I was having stronger feelings for. Our arrangement no longer works for me, and on my list of things to do, "love freely without fear of being hurt" is on it.
He honestly couldn't be surprised I became attached, it's only been 13 years.
It went exactly how I anticipated it would. He wasnt an asshole or malicious with my feelings.
I made it clear what I was feeling & wanted, and so did he. Simply, we do not want the same things.
(which I knew and more reason I had to do this) I was never going to be part of his future. Never.
Ouch.
We will not be seeing or talking to each other for the next few weeks to months. We will be friends in the end, just not right now. I need some time to adjust, permission to grieve and let it go.
I'm proud of myself for following through and ending a relationship that was holding me back from letting love in as a whole and will be available to give love as a whole.
As much as it hurt, this was the healthiest thing I've done for my romantic life, in oh, I dont know, 13 years.
I witness the sociopath on speaker phone as he yelled at my friend over things that werent revelant at 2am. When he did not get the answer he wanted, he called her all sorts of names.
That was one phone call I hear directly. If ANYONE had ever talked to me that way, ever, I would have walked away then. She put in 13 years. Strongest woman I've ever known in my life time so far.
Saturday I ended a 12 year relationship with a man I was having stronger feelings for. Our arrangement no longer works for me, and on my list of things to do, "love freely without fear of being hurt" is on it.
He honestly couldn't be surprised I became attached, it's only been 13 years.
It went exactly how I anticipated it would. He wasnt an asshole or malicious with my feelings.
I made it clear what I was feeling & wanted, and so did he. Simply, we do not want the same things.
(which I knew and more reason I had to do this) I was never going to be part of his future. Never.
Ouch.
We will not be seeing or talking to each other for the next few weeks to months. We will be friends in the end, just not right now. I need some time to adjust, permission to grieve and let it go.
I'm proud of myself for following through and ending a relationship that was holding me back from letting love in as a whole and will be available to give love as a whole.
As much as it hurt, this was the healthiest thing I've done for my romantic life, in oh, I dont know, 13 years.
Friday, 4 December 2009
New Love Coach - Elizabeth Singleton - Introduction.Part 1
A girlfriend back east has always had amazing advice when it comes to the matter of the heart.
She has no problem being boldly honest and yet still supportive regardless what my decisions may be.
We've been discussing my latest heartache saga, she put forth her opinion, offering no solutions, and although her words are hard to hear, may even sting a little, however once again she is right. (Are you ever going to get tired of hearing that?)
It dawned on me, that she is in the wrong profession, and should be employed as my love coach.
Payment of course will consist of gushy loving emails praising her, and maybe small priceless gifts by mail. :)
We haven't worked out all the details of our agreement, I'm sure it will be pretty flexiable, since we're a few provinces away from each other, she can not physically smack me when I do something stupid.
I'll keep her abreast of new situations, men, dates, and be seeking her input before I act on my own accord with my shoot from the hip habits.
All this will gradually allow me to cross a few more things of my 40 before 40 list. :)
Welcome Elizabeth Singleton to my blog.
Keep your eyes peeled for her own entries as a guest blogger from time to time, just to keep things interesting.
She has no problem being boldly honest and yet still supportive regardless what my decisions may be.
We've been discussing my latest heartache saga, she put forth her opinion, offering no solutions, and although her words are hard to hear, may even sting a little, however once again she is right. (Are you ever going to get tired of hearing that?)
It dawned on me, that she is in the wrong profession, and should be employed as my love coach.
Payment of course will consist of gushy loving emails praising her, and maybe small priceless gifts by mail. :)
We haven't worked out all the details of our agreement, I'm sure it will be pretty flexiable, since we're a few provinces away from each other, she can not physically smack me when I do something stupid.
I'll keep her abreast of new situations, men, dates, and be seeking her input before I act on my own accord with my shoot from the hip habits.
All this will gradually allow me to cross a few more things of my 40 before 40 list. :)
Welcome Elizabeth Singleton to my blog.
Keep your eyes peeled for her own entries as a guest blogger from time to time, just to keep things interesting.
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