Just Saying....

I've decided on a new blog name. Any guesses? lol
Just Saying.... I love ending statements on a sarcastic tone with that saying.
Hopefully it has staying power.

I don't drive. Well at the moment.
I have a licence, just no car. I am a prisoner of transits timetable, or lack of one.

A few times in the last couple months, a few co-workers have "offered" to drop me off at a train closer to my house cos it's on the way, (I rarely ask a ride from anyone) only to have them retract their offer cos their plans changed.

I'm sorry, but if it were me and plans came up but I had already committed to giving someone a ride, I would follow thru with my offer then proceed with my new found plans.  Cos from where I sit, when this becomes a common occurrence (not just towards myself) it makes me view you as less reliable and makes your word invalid.

I think there is a lack of manners in people more so in the past 4 ish years since online dating became an acceptable social media outlet and facebook became public.

Where are all the manners?
I guess I'm not hip enough to be socially rude, nor do I ever want to be.

NEW BLOG NAME?

I'm thinking about changing the name of my blog.
I'm learning more and more its probably best that I do not include my name.

I wont be changing the domain etc, and wont worry about previous entries, cos it is a public blog after all.
But I do increasingly like the idea of being more anonymous.

For those of you who read this blog, I would love to hear your suggestions on a new name based on what I write about or what you may know about me, here or in real life.

Ready....... GO!

Oxymoron?

It always seems to surprise me how some people are at their happiest when they are miserable, or making others miserable, and that makes them happy. 

Oxymoron isn't it?

I've learned recently that I have little energy to be spared on these people.

The "I love you this week, hate you the next" hissy fits are exhausting to be around.

Even when they are not direct at you.

Simply Exhausting.

Energy Vampires!!!! I think I blogged about them in the past.

I've been let go by one.

Sad as it may be to see the friendship go, I, however am not sad to see the drama go.

So much unnecessary drama. It changes hourly to weekly depending on

who's pissed this person off, this week.

Normally I would fight for the friendship's survival.

This time I have to let it go.

This is one of those times where the phrase:

"The juice just isn't worth the squeeze anymore"

I've grown up in areas that should have happened years ago.

Shit I'm almost 40, you'd think so, wouldn't you?

I will not defend the choices I made to get to this spot.

Cos they are choices. I have power over my own happiness

and choose to make it so.

: -p

Again, sadly this is at the cost of a old friendship that has just run it's course.

There will be many fond memories, cos there were a lot.

But we're toooo different now to move forward together.

I'm letting it go and embracing the freedom

to not be held down by someone elses

UNNECESSARY DRAMA!

Of course when it matters most, I'll always be there.

But not for the hourly, daily, weekly frivolous drama.

Change of Topics?

I haven't been dating or even looking at men to date lately.
Mybe I've given up? I don't hate men, I'm just indifferent to the whole rat race of finding someone to settle down with.

Since I wont be blogging much how many more bad dates I could go on, we're going to change the subject.
TO WHATEVER YOU, MY READERS WANT!!

You give me your topic and I'll try my best to blog about it. 
I reserve the right to vito stupid requests, and then to write about how I think you're a weenie.
Said with love of course. ;)

In short, this blog will be about everything, nothing, and random for the next while.
Can't wait.

Things That Make You Go - Hhhhmmmmmm

I've been updating my profile pictures on facebook lately to random things that make me laugh.
No real pictures of me, mostly cos I haven't done anything since returning from the Island.

What makes me laugh harder are the people on my friends list who think my profile pic changes are aimed directly at them. Wow, really? Most people know what I do on MY profile has nothing to do with anything or anyone. But if you feel the need to think I'm trying to piss you off, well then there are bigger issues at hand, your issues.

Recently a friend has been mimicking my privacy settings, daily, and updating her FB status accordingly as a result of whatever my status or picture might say. It's actually quite clear to others now too. I've received a few private messages asking if there was something going on between the two of us.  It wasn't until it was brought to my attention that it appears we're fighting that I was even aware that she doing this.

So I've decided to have fun with it now. Anyone who is that self absorb with making sure that everyone knows they are mad at whatever/whoever, deserves to be fucked with a little.

This is the most recent picture I've posted, hahahah and has since turned this persons status updates and profile pictures to retaliate in response.  HAhahahahahaha

I'm watching closely to everything I do on my page and to see what their update will be.

ok I posted this pic cos it seriously made me laugh, prior to knowing that it was effecting the reactions it has.

I'm sure I'll get bored of this shortly but in the mean time it sort of makes you go hmmmmmm?

Lack Of Updated Blogs I Read

I read 43 blogs, daily. Well I use too.

Out of those 43 (not including my own) 5 update on a regular basis. Another handful have notified their loyal followers that they are too busy with life and updates will be sparse for the next bit.
The rest, well, haven't updated anything in well over a month.

These blogs help me "look busy" at work when it's slow 95% of the time. If you were not aware, "looking busy" IS-A-JOB-SKILL! Seriously.  I've got a few creative friends trying to assess a way I can re-word that and put it on my resume. lol

As a result of the lack of updates and my own boredum,  I created new files under my favorites.
Daily reads and everything else.  I either must start deleting old blogs, find new ones to read or hope that the old ones start up again.

Nothing worse than finding a great read to have to them stop writing. ugh.

Change is the only constant.

Seems I wrong. *gasp* I know!!!!

I've been viewing the life of those around me as going thru change. In reality, it's MY life going thru a big change! Who knew?

I've been so wrapped up in the life of my friends, their issues, well being and helping them, I didn't see the changes in my life blindsiding me until yesterday.  I've changed.
My views and standards are different from my friends, that's okay. 

*The ex shattered my heart then finally let me go. Which means I'm free to move on without worrying if he'll pop up again.
*The best  friend showed her true colours. Which allows me to move on and close that chapter.
*Another good friend opened her eyes and started living life again. yay!

Just with those few things (there are more) I've learned sooo friggin much about myself and how I've changed. Softer in some areas, harder in others.
*I've learned how to say "No" without explaining why.
*I've discovered I do know how to take care of myself. Harder said than done. But totally obtainable.
*I've also learned there are some things I do not like about myself, and will work to change those. Not for anyone else, just for myself so I can be proud and love who I am.
*I learned I actually have a handle on my temper and have been taking the higher road more often than not. (or picking my battles more carefully)
*Learned making excuses is self abuse. (I learned this of someone else but have applied to my own life).
*Learning to worry less about things and other peoples issues in general and just get on with my own life.

I could go on, but those are just a few off the top of my head.
So yay me! There was a blog I use to read (she doesn't write anymore) and her motto was:
"Change is the only constant"
This doesn't have to be a bad thing. So I'm learning.

In the past I've been told "you think too much, you need to learn to relax". 
There is something to be said for thinking too much, it's how you apply it, voice it and act on it that matters.

Gone to get another coffee....SHUT UP! I CAN QUIT ANYTIME I WANT!!!.....hmph.

Ok I may not be feeling as rough as my title, but I did utter those words to someone today. :)

Lately I have to remind myself if I have nothing nice to say, then to shut the fuck up. Seriously.
I have this blog to vent away, no one in my real life needs to hear me squawk about anything fluffy.

I know I just made myself sound like a horrible person who walks around bitching at people, and as much as I secretly wish I could at the best of times with no repercussions, sadly I can not. Although I wonder when it become socially acceptable to act like a friggin tool to random people in general, cos you can?  GRRRR...

Maybe it's the heat we've been having that's making it hard to bite my tongue in public??  This morning I schooled a few men on the bus as politely as I could without making a scene.
I was sitting in the seating at the front of the bus (reserved priority seating for the elderly and handicap etc- cos I get off not too soon after the trip starts). with one other women and about 6 healthy men aging 18-40.
Just as the bus is about to take off an older person with obvious stability issues got on and just looked around.  Seriously, its too early for this.  I smiled at the woman, giving her my seat while addressing the men directly on the bus in the sweetest voice I could mustard.... "That's okay gentlemen, don't get up". 

I thought the driver was about to kick some ass the way he flew off his seat to turn around and look (give dirty look) at the 4-6 men who couldn't look up from their papers. The driver added to my comment directed at the front seats, "When did having manners become an option?" in a less than amused tone.

It's far and few between when I see a driver who will stop and let the person who just ran hard to catch the bus as the bus pulled less than a foot away from the curb get on the bus. (once they pull away, legally they are not suppose to stop) Or a driver who will wait to start driving again while the elderly person gets seated instead of jerking the bus forward the second he/she sees their bus pass.

Most mornings I admit I'm sitting at the back of the bus with my headphones on trying to block out the annoying teenagers or adults conversing about their weekend so loudly, you couldn't avoid it if you wanted.
But for the love of gawd if you're sitting at the front and someone gets on, don't wait for the driver to tell you to move and give a look of disgust that you had to stand while someone in need really requires that seat... cos you will be old one day or be injured and need that seat. Imagine your surprise when no one gets up or acknowledges you.

Okay morning rant over... I think. More coffee please.

I've started up again with the online dating. Mistake I think. I've had several female and male friends view it for me to see if there is something suggestive about the profile that gives men the impression  I'm up for some short term fun.  My profile is clear: looking to date with long term relationship as a goal. (the site requires you fill out certain things like that etc) I have no questionable photos, and my profile is pretty generic, something about I think popcorn and marshmallows are weird, and not to contact me if you're looking for "casual hook ups". 

One male friend mentioned and this seems harsh but sadly true, my profile stats that I'm a "few extra pounds" for my body type. So what? I thought. 

He said that men view over weight women more likely to:
1) Put out sooner than not,
2) That they are under the impression that overweight women are hard up so they'd be more willing to try something kinky and wont break if the man puts his back into it.

*GASP* shut up!!! Nooooooooooo way, that can't be true. 
So I surveyed random men I know on facebook... yup, they know it isn't true for a lot of women but on a site like POF it is.   Crap. I'm doomed.

I think I might just delete my profile if that is going to that way... or change my body type to average then inform men asap that I am indeed a few extra pounds and explain why I have my BT as average...
I've learned a lot from this dating site. How to read men quicker by their profiles, how to spot the liars (if you're 5'8 do not put you're 5'11 or 6ft, we're not stupid). What gets me about the men who seem so comfortable about soliciting myself and others for casual hook ups, is would they act like this in person or is just cos its the internetz?  

I actually received a message yesterday that said the following... "Hi, How are you tonight? If you're up for doing something how about a movie and cuddle? let me know if you're interested"

I messaged him back cos his profile was normal an if I had seen him first I probably would have messaged him first.

"Thanks for the msg. Are you serious? 
Since your profile doesn't hint that you're an ass, and you OBVIOUSLY did not read mine, I'm going pass and strongly suggest you change your profile to match that of what you're seeking or take the 30 secs and read the profile of the women you're are messaging so not to waste their time. If I was looking for casual flings I would make sure my profile said that so anyone messaging me would know what to expect from the start. Happy Fishing"

He replied: "Holy relax, I just wanted to have a relaxing, quiet night with someone. I'm not looking for casual flings, I just like curvy women, sorry you took my message to be offensive".

I really should learn to just leave it alone....I replied:

Really *I* should relax?
You just msg me asking me to snuggle with you before you even know my name as your first outgoing message. Doesn't that seem a little backwards to you? Besides all women after the age of 16 know that a "movie and snuggle" is code for let's fool around.  If you weren't looking for a fling, you would have never messaged me such a ridiculous suggestion.

Maybe you're knew to online dating, so take it this piece of friendly advice for what it's worth.
If you wouldn't ask a woman you just met in line at the grocery store to come over and snuggle, why would you ask that of someone online? 

Some of us on here are actually looking to meet men worthy of dating and your first impression on here matters more than it would if you met casually through friends at a party etc.

Don't get me wrong I'm not jilted or a man hater, I just have little patience for this kind of stupidity.

He replied : You might single a long time. Shame I'm a nice guy and you're going to miss out.
Mine: We'll never know now will we?

Normally I wouldn't give anyone a second though and just delete a message that comes in like that.

Now let me clarify that not all messages that I receive are like this, this one just set me off.

HAPPY MONDAY READERS!

Hello Singlehood? Looks like we're going to be here a while.

He Let Go!......Finally!

Back in December I ended a tumultuous on/off again 13 year relationship.

It wasn't the first time I'd try to exit this relationship and move on.  But he kept coming back. I kept letting him.

There would be spells where he'd stay away for a few months, claiming I was right and he needed to move on too etc. But I could feel him. I could feel him before he would call, stop by the house, or drove within the vicinity of where I was... I could FEEL him.

I went on holidays and never thought about him once. His where abouts. Wondering if he was thinking about me. Not once. :) Upon returning from holidays and checking the house phone, turning back on my cell etc.

Although I did receive calls from siblings that I thought didn't know my name, there was not-one-call from the ex.

Then it occurred to me, I can't feel him.

I sat on it for a few days, cos at some point I'd feel him. Sense him in some way

. .......(sound of crickets).................... Nothing. Zip. Nadda!

My first initial reaction was not one I was prepared for, I was relieved. Not sad, but relieved

I can no longer feel or sense him in any way, shape or form.  It's been almost a week since I realized all this and honestly I thought I'd be a little sad. I'm not. 

After all these years, he let go. He let me go, to get on with my life.

I truly believe I won't be hearing from him again for many years, if ever.

And I'm sincerely okay with that.

Not out hatred for him, but out of respect. 

Realizing, maybe, he finally got it wrapped around his head that I was serious about the things I said. 

If he did not want to be with me 100% then I wasn't available for him anymore.

I had to move for my love life and emotional stability. 

There will always be areas of fondness for him since he was there when chaos broke out in my life.

And sadness that he did not want to spend his life with me.

I almost wish I was a little sad about it.

I wanted to have a life with him for so many years and

to be rejected, well, I've had my closure.

Not re-opening that novel, with him.

Feelings free was new but the nagging that he'd resurface was always there.

But I had control over my dignity and self respect now.

I made the choice to move on.

Now that he's let go of me, I almost feel a little empty.

In a good way though. 

Here's to a new novel in my life. The old one has been closed finally.

He Let Go!

YAY!