Short Version

Short version of the previous post would be this.
I simply do not trust anyone right now. I'm weary of everyone and their intentions.
Period. hmph.

Grow the Fuck Up List

My Dating Hangovers gave me this idea... and it struck a cord.  Write a grow the fuck up list.

While I'm doing so, I'm also trying to take a picture of myself AFTER a good heart felt cry for a Holly McNarland album cover idea.  Btw, much harder than it sounds.  I haven't had much to cry about lately.
So I've plugged in my favorite men into my ears, invested in a cheap bottle of wine. (cos I"m not spending money and tears on a good bottle). Sorry Holly. Cheap works better. There are rules to it though.
It has to be honest. Simple. No hamming it up, no special effects makeup. And you have to let her know if you're okay with her posting these pictures on faceook, otherwise she'd given you an option to send them to a private email.  Oh and you have to provide a "before" picture of you being happy. Not necessarily on the same day.

Back to the GTFUL. (grow the fuck up list)
My list isn't all that special. But it's a list. More so of defeating professional procrastination.
Part of me doesn't want to grow up. Something inside me says if I do, I'll lose the youth that keeps me young.  Does that make sense? I imagine people who "grow up" to be no fun, too serious (all the time) and simply BORING! I am none of those things. Okay, I am a little serious at times, but when its warranted.
I prefer the 5 yr old in me to be present most of the time.  It keeps life silly and fun. And just think of the memories it will/could provide.

Here is part of my list.
- Install bathroom hooks beside the tub so I no longer have to walk across the bathroom to get my towels/clothes or leave them on the floor.
- Invest in a proper bed frame for the new bed. Bed on the floor screams not mature or financially stable enough to have one. Btw, I had one for the double and queen, but not for the king, cos I'm not convinced I'm going to keep the bed yet.
- Get a fucking car. Not a beater. A real car.
- Have more savings
- Stop procrastinating in general. just get shit done.
-Pay my bills on time. Not be a month behind on anything again.
- Be grown up about my relationships. What I want, What I don't. (including friends)
- Love and run with reckless abandonment. (love without fear of being hurt) I can not remember who said it first (it was a blogger) but I love it and I try to implement it often.
- Dress my age. Jeans, sandals and hoodies are only good for the pub. Not dating. Not work. (although the president of said bargle company dresses that way) it's better if I have more serious options.
-Be serious about my retirement.

That's my list right now. I hold the rights and subject to change the above without notice.

TMI ALERT! But I HAVE to share

I"m mortified, embarrassed immensely, but laughing hysterically at the same time.

Can you guess?

 I was enjoying a little 'self love' recently and never bothered to put my assistant ?? (lets give him a name - U guys can come up with a name.. til then its ?? - okay, make sense?) away. I left it on the night stand. No biggie right? That is until I woke up in the morning and once again I do not have any heat. Our poor apartment boiler is struggling with getting heat to the corner suites (aka MY APT) when a cold snap flows thru town. :(  

Got to work and called the landlord advising to bleed the vents/radiators, again. Sigh.
I get home from work to find my door unlocked.  "HELLLLLO?" I asked as I walked in.... "Hi!, I'm so and so" was replied from the living room, as I find a repair guy explaining that he is installing auto bleeders on my vents. Woot!!!  This should eliminate the amount of times I have to call the landlord to do it manually and find the radiators leaking etc.

Blah blah blah... so back to the story...

I apologize for the mess in the apt. (hadn't taken the garbage out, and had clothes laying about) He gets back to work and I go about cleaning up the apt, well, cos it needed to be done.

I walk into my bedroom and see that  my assistant ?? is not on my night stand....but now on my dresser.. STANDING UP RIGHT!!!!.. um-ya, that is NOT where I left it.

Which can only mean that both the landlord and the repair guy (Btw which is hot and my age)  has actually touched it, moved it and stood it up right!!!

THE HUMILITY!!!
I try to go about cleaning without blushing. Open the wine I bought.. and make the best of it. The landlord shows up to supervise making small talk, as he must with a stranger in my apt, prior to me being home etc

Neither say anything or act uncomfortable.

What a story for the repair guy to go and tell his buddies.

When you guys have stopped laughing and pick yourselves up off the floor, could you all be so kind as too please find a name for my assistant ??

Just Breathe (2am)

This song hits a chord with me.

Seems fitting. There is a verse in the song that always makes me tear up.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song

If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,

Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd

Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Hope you enjoy.

SPANX

Someone please tell me how I am a plus size princess and did not know what spanx were? Seriously!?

I love to wear skirts and dresses but found since gaining this weight, that simply wearing a slip or granny panties would not do the trick anymore to appear... smoother and avoid the chub-rub.

I was saying to a colleague the other day that this will be the year of dresses again etc... but I wasn't looking forward to the painful chaffing. And well, since I will be abstaining from sex for the next 6.5 months for the Accutane treatment, I do not have to worry about anyone seeing the unsightly appearance of that!

Chub Rub is what The Big Girl Blog calls it. It is the demise of your favourite jeans. It is the source of everything unsightly on your thighs when you want to be intimate or gawd forbid, wear a bathing suit.

You can be sure I'll be tracking down a pair of Spanx in the very near future and reviewing their product!
from the pictures on the Spanx Plus Size page, they look to be light weight and breathable. *phew*
There would be nothing worse than finding a magical cure for the chub-rub and then dying from over heating due to it.

The Spanx's come in all sorts of options. From panties, half leg, half calf, full body etc... Seriously, there is something for every outfit. Now I'm assuming that the site is in USD funds online.

Anyone know off the top of their head if I can purchase these things in the local department stores?
Better believe I'll be calling around soon.

I'm excited for this!

In addition The Big Girl Blog also posted a site for Jessica London wide calf boots!!! woot!
Got to love this girl. She has great style and shares her secrets with us!

Check these pretties out!! I'm getting them in Black and Carmel!!
Jessica London Boots and these!!!

For the price, even with delivery, they are way affordable!!!

Yes if you haven't notice I'm adding links to the SPANX, cos I have a feeling I'm going to be a very loyal customer should this work out!!

I'll report back soon as soon I purchase a pair and them out. :)

Annoyed.. oh surprise, surprise.

Went for drinks last night with JD. Who informed me that The Douchebag and her b/f are indeed engaged again. *sigh*.  Having mixed feelings about this, then I wonder why do I bother? Seriously.

I ended things cos he didn't love me anymore. He didn't want to spend his life with me. He was much happier screwing around on me and her when he was with the other. I had convinced myself I would rather be the one he cheats with, than cheats on.  At least that way I knew what I was getting into.
Finally woke up one day last year and decided I deserved better for myself..... and by continuing this on/off again relationship with the Douche, I was never going to move on and find happiness.

This past year went by so fast and I *thought* I adapted quite nicely to being 100% single and not screwed over. Then I get this news that they plan to marry. August 2012.  My heart did not sink. My stomach did.
I've finally come to realize that they have found each other. They truly 100% deserve each other.
I say this after learning more things that have spewed from his mouth via our mutual friend.

She can have him.  And all the drama that will ensue.
I sent him a text msg last night, letting him know I was aware of this new news, and asked that he just not contact me anymore. Not even on a friendly level.  But just being friendly and being able to hangout with me from time to time, in his own little way, he's still having his cake and eating it too. Then so I am I.

Do unto others... I have to cut all ties.
Total disconnection from him is a must. A MUST! I really really thought we'd be friends. Cos ex's CAN be friends. However, some can not. And it's for the best of everyone involved that we're not even friendly.
By friendly, I mean no phone calls, text msg's, pokes on facebook, no going for coffee.  Of course I'll be pleasant if we cross paths in public, but I've got to stop replying to his msg's when he asks "whats new., how are you?" etc. 

It doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would, but I am a little sad that this is the way it must be.
Even as much as an douche the Douche can be, he had his moments often enough that he was a "good guy" but what good guy, cheats on his fiance?  No we did not do anything like that, but when you're planning to drop $100G on a wedding, one would think you do not stay friendly with the ex of 13 years.

Sadly, he played both of us. Me and her. Not just when we were broken up either.
I wish I could show you a picture of her. Although she isn't completely ugly, but she is far from pretty.  She's neutral. Not sure how mentioning that is relevant, but it gives me some piece of mind that he dated down.

I wish them nothing. No harm, no ill will, no happiness. I wish them nothing.

So the next time I get all whiny and/or sad about him, would someone please just take me into the back 40 and beat some sense into me, please!

I'm more annoyed than sad right now.  Annoyed at myself that I let JD tell me anything. I'll be emailing her asking to refrain from sharing, even if I ask the questions "how are they?" DON'T TELL ME!!!

Tonight I will sulk, be sad, whatever and move on. 
The positive side to this is,,, Holly McNarland is asking fans on facebook to take pictures of themselves after a big cry and then again when they are happy etc.. It's an idea for an album cover.
She'll get the sad one tonight for sure.  :(

ODD but it sure is purty.

Where I sit in the office at my desk, I"m surrounded by windows.
Currently it's sunny.....AND SNOWING! It that even possible?
I'm sure there are clouds, but higher up and behind where I can see from my windows.

It's purty. :) Almost so, that I want to go play in it.

Sun and snowing... who knew?

Botox

For the first time ever in my life the thought of getting botox crossed my mind.
I'm fair skinned, natural redhead (although I dye my hair) and have deep set eyes, and my mum's skin, (and hands).

This past month, I ran out of my favorite moisturizer, at $36 a bottle (lasts a while) I had to use whatever else I had laying around until I could find the time to go to the drug store and pick up a new bottle this week.

I have wrinkles. The wrong kind of wrinkles. Directly under my eyes. Not crows feet, but sagging wrinkles.
When the hell did I get old?!!!! Seriously!  A month ago, I had seemingly taunt skin with minor aging signs.
In 30 days, I've aged 10 years. I suddenly no longer look like someone who is aging well. I look tired, like I've smoked my whole life and don't take care of myself.  WTH!

I wear sunscreen all year round. Yes I actually do. I've had a 1/2 a dozen 2nd & 3rd degree burns in my young life, so there is no more screwing around with my skin. I've been taking care of it, covering up etc and now it doesn't show.  I have a feeling that moisturize I've been using is really some kind of miracle youth cream. 'note to self, buy the local store out of stock completely, immediately.'
Trixéra+ Sélectiose® Emollient Cream

(Eau Thermale Avene Line).

Anyway, back on topic. For the first time ever, I looked at myself in the mirror last night after my shower, and thought, 'shit! my eye lids are going to end up being those heavy sagging lids... hmmmm wonder if botox can take care of those weird wrinkles, and getting a eye lid lift looks like a serious possibility in my coming years...I wonder how much it really costs and recovery time' . That's a lot to have run through your brain in a split second. Which means I'm probably more likely to be taking this much more serious as a course of action, rather than a passing thought.

I'm all for growing old gracefully, I was well on my way.  I've never judged anyone for getting a face lift, eye work, botox etc.. however I did think it was a little vain. It doesn't inconvenience me any, so what do I really care what another person does with their body. Of course this is just the beginning.
I'm going to research the crap out of this. I know my dermatologist preforms botox injections, and we touched base on it once in passing. 

Regardless what I decide on, my biggest concern is that I do not want to look plastic.  Look at Leann Miller (Dallas Greens wife). WTH is with her face? She's under 30, I think.  If I will look natural and just enhance what I already have without looking fake, I think I'll do it.  Maybe a birthday present to myself for my 40th?

Maybe. Shit Botox, really?
This is a little extreme, even for me.  I guess I just learned that about myself. 
Growing older and looking graceful is actually pretty damn important to me.

A side note thought while writting this... I wonder how much my current weight is playing a part in my facial appearance? You gain weight in the face too, it would only make sense that it would change...some.

Google images of the following women.
Jane Fonda
Frederique Van Der Wal
Lauren Hutton _has been one of my favorite models growing up.
Sandra Bullock - yes she's not over 50, but you know she's going to age amazingly
Linda Evangelista - my favorite chameleon.
Angie Everhart
Julie Ann Moore. (I've been told I resemble when I leave my hair red - I have her eyes, mouth and skin tone...until recently)

They have all grown older with style and grace. I wonder if/how many have had minor work done?

Feeling Good.

I feel like I've had a mini holiday. Might have something to do with the sun letting us know it still exists.

I'm feeling so much better now that Crazy C is out of the picture. I hadn't realized just how much of a funk I've been in, being bogged down with this consuming me for so long. Although I've been warned that this is likely far from over.   How does one switch from panicking for 3 days (I cant find you) to I don't need you?

At first I was okay with the option to hang out with her from time to time, just scale it back.. but now she's done with me and it feels-so-much-better.

But let's rejoice in the mean time, shall we! :-D

I did however talk to the ex, Mr Douchebag. It was a weak moment in my new found happiness to allow him to come over. Before you get all uppity at me, nothing happened. :) We sat on the patio (cold and sunny) with a beer, and although I did lean on his shoulder with his arm around me, it was friendly, not sexual. It was peaceful.  There was small talk, a beer, the lean/hug and then he was gone 30 mins later. That totally hit the spot.  It was just what I needed.  It never ceases to amaze me that he still knows exactly when to call. Whether it be emotional turmoil or bliss I'm feeling, he calls.  Guess we're still connected even though we're no longer together and never will be again.

It's a new dawn.
It's a new day.
It's a new life For me.
And I'm feeling good.

Favorite songs Tonight.

I have nothing to blog about today.

So enjoy some of my favorite songs as of lately.

Matt79, Caleb, & Restaurant Manager.. scroll down, there is one just for you boys....eer I mean men.

This is The Adam Woodall Band ft: Colin James.

Get Carried Away is one of the songs of Colin's they do anyways, so to have him join them was a bonus.

Watch Jesse Tucker on the far left @ 1:22. CJ is his guitar hero and heard he was going to show up this night. Half way thru Colin nods at Jesse and gives him the solo.. he's grinning like santa came early.  I'm never ever disappointed when I go to see these guys play.

Then again at Savary Island, BC this summer 2010.

This is The Adam Woodall Band again, on holidays doing the acoustic version of Van Morrison's

Into The Mystic...

Ok enough about AWB, I love other songs too..

Jeremy Fisher doing a cover of Blue Rodeo's Til I Am Myself Again... on a banjo... seriously.
Watch it all the way to the end... he's a riot!

And of course the very talented ADELE

Rolling Into The Deep

 Andrew Allen

Love his dorky nature doing The Lions Sleep Tonight

Kings Of Leon - Sex Is On Fire.

I love that the crowd is almost louder than the band

I LOVE the energy of this concert!

MATT79 - CALEB - RESTAURANT MANAGER

This one is just for you.

The Victoria Secret Walk -sex is on fire mix- all aboard.

This song couldn't have been better for this video.

Plus I love the dancers in this one.. something sexy cheeky about their moves.

Enjoy boys.

Michael Buble & 15 yr old Sam Hollyman
You Know How I Feel
He looks annoyed that this mother is pestering him...
Watch Michael's face at @ 1:20 and on... PRICELESS!!!
Best 3 mins ever
"I've got another 4 yrs til Sam wins the XFactor and drives my career into the fucking payment"

And last but not least.

Crash Karma - Next Life

This is a new super group with ex members from The Tea Party, I Mother Earth and Our Lady Peace

They now make up Crash Karma

There are video's for this song but the quality isn't the greatest.

This is the album version.

No More Museum Crazy C

It's over!
I had enough of all the emails, texting, phone calls with no messages left. Hang ups etc.
Once again I want to thank Elizabeth Singleton. Without her personal insight and personal experiences, I'm not sure I would have been able to handle ending this on a high note. I might have just resorted to throwing a hissy fit and telling her to go away etc. Instead I explained the points I wanted to make, while I think obtaining a positive note on it all.  However Crazy C did not see it that way.

I had planned to talk to the curator about my plans to ask CC to scale it back a bit, unfortunately I did not get that chance until after the email was sent.  I sent the email as close to the end of CC's day, as not make her upset while at work. Knowing she'd be checking her hotmail account from work.
After setting up an appointment this morning for a phone call with the curator, I feel even better about the actions I took.

I explained to him that I did not want her reprimanded as this was a personal issue, although I did want him to be aware of my plans so he could gauge her attitude etc.  We talked for about 30 mins this morning.
Covered a lot of ground.  He asked if I had the emails still etc. advising yes, he asked if I was comfortable reading some of them, and in addition wanted to know if the emails were sent from her work or personal account.  They were sent from her work.  I read a few, explaining that I did not reply to any.

The short of it is, he was pleased with the way I handled it.  enquired if more actions would be needed. (going to their big boss or legal actions) At the moment, no. I will continue to be professional and respectful towards her while I'm there.  I do feel the need to mention that had I left this much longer, I wouldn't put it past her to drive by my house etc. She's mentioned she's done that in the past etc..

I feel positive. I've been backed up. My hours at the museum are flexible, and been reassured that they enjoy me there etc. Of course he had to ask me if I felt taken advantage of, being asked to do certain tasks as it's not a paying job.  I confirmed I was happy, loving the experience and reminded him he's always given me the option not to do a certain task.  I always reply, "it has to be done, put me where the priority is".. and off I go.  It may be volunteer, but it's still a real job.

So here it is. The email I sent to CC and her reply.

Hey Crazy C,


What do you mean "What the F is wrong with you? I can't find you anywhere..."

I am not always available, or online. Sometimes I just do not feel like being reached.
I haven't been around to reply to all your emails.


Please do NOT take this the wrong way. I'm sorry if I've worried you, but I don't feel it necessary to reply immediately or talk to somebody everyday.
My everyday life isn't like that. I don't talk to my friends, email, or text them every single day, so it become a little over whelming to be checked on, like I'm being monitored or having tabs kept on me. It starts to feel suffocating and needy, especially when it starts with, "I cant find you."


I'm not ignoring you or giving you the silent treatment, as per your most recent text message.
I've just got things going on right now, that I'm not interested in sharing with anybody.


Unfortunately, I don't think we're as close as you may think we are.
I like you, but I find your behaviour right now a little overwhelming and I need to have some space from the constant emails.


So on that note, let's leave our acquaintanceship to chatting on Friday's, the occasional drink after work, and being your soundboard from time to time.


That's all I can offer you at this moment.


Just Saying.

Her reply:

thats fine not many people can handle being my friend. its something i am working on.


after a year (as you pointed out we have known each other for) i thought you knew my behaviour is well meaning and can be interpreted as being over the top.

we dont have anything in common and you are right we arent really friends.

i was hoping for a friendship but i am definitely in agreement that we are not a good fit.

dont bother with the niceties, i can reject people too you know.

so good luck and no love lost.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soooooooooooo DA CRAZY IS GONE!!
The coming weeks will tell how she is really adjusting it. Her "so good luck" might imply maybe she thinks I quit the museum? She'll be in for a shock next week if that is what she indeed thought. She replied not as I thought. I thought it would be more spazzy.  E.Singleton pointed out (she has a secret handbook on crazies, or just took really good notes in her experiences) that CC would probably try and turn this around, as it's all my fault. etc.   Time will only tell.

I knew her personality was indeed over the top, but there is a difference between being quirky and physco.
At least she is self aware. Claims to be working on it... that only works if you're not taking recreational drugs in addition to your lithium.  She did hit it on the nail when she confirmed we have nothing in common. We don't. Not one thing. That isn't always a bad thing, but in this case, it was.

So now you have it. I'm free of da crazy.
Thank you all for the support, and suggestions wheather they were public or private.
Every bit helped.

Now I have to see about getting my judgement radar fixed. Cos it is clearly defective.

Crazy C Update

, After a day off and much discussion with Elizabeth Singleton we've decided that Crazy C is thicker than I am capable of handling.

Ms. Singleton reminded me of her experiences with someone previously in her life who behaved the same way. She suggested I not make my life so available to her eg: facebook statuses. It's never occurred to me that I give away entirely too much information.  Like -  Renew licence, do chores, go on date, volunteer at the museum, see Rosco play.. It's going to be a good week. She NEEDS to know where and what I'm doing all the time.  Like she's entitled to know.  I deleted my updates.

And almost immediately, Crazy C started to panic, just as Singleton said she would when she couldn't see what I was up too via FB.  "She needs to keep tabs on you."

In the last 60 hours,(started Tuesday night) here are the emails from Crazy C.

Wednesday night:
Email #1 - Gottza gettza a new phone.
Email #2 - Dino hasn't arrived yet. Haven't heard from him.  (Ok I have no idea who/what a dino is)
Email# 3- Where are you? Hello.

Thursday all day:
Email #1 on facebook- What the f is going on with you? i cant find you anywhere...
Email #2 on my work account - Hello? (my out of office notice in on at this point)
Cell starts to ring as I'm on the phone with Singleton,  it's Crazy C. No msg is left. No Text.
Email # 3 on facebook - Where are you?
Email #4 - Are you alright?

Friday - Today:
Email #1 - Hello? Where the F are you?!!?!!
Email #2 - HELLLLOOO!!!! Clearly you're at work, your out of office is off now!
Email #3 - Are you coming in today?

I honestly thought I'd be able to just ignore her, or tell her I'm just not interested in hanging out anymore.
I have tact most of the time, however this is going to be much much harder as I'm dealing with someone who's mental stability and reality are cloudy, very very cloudy.  Again, I'm not dissing her cos of her mental illness, I'm dissing her cos it's becoming apparent she isn't taking care of her mental health properly. And projecting that the state of her happiness depends on me. (no seriously, that's not ego talking)

As suggested, she will try and twist the events as this is all my fault etc, and there is probably a whole other series of events that she imagined took place in her head all leading up to this. And in her brain, I somehow owe her an explanation.  I'm going to try and turn this around on her.  "What is with the WTF emails?, What's up?" 

I will not be updating my facebook status with anything relevant for the next few weeks.  And I might, just might have to quit the museum for the time being. 
I want to see the good in everyone, but my crazy bullshit radar has been clearly defective for the last couple years.  It's almost like I'm inviting this shit into my life. I'm not, I swear.

I made a joke that if I ignore her long enough, I might just find her in my room watching me sleep or something.  We laughed, but not in that HAHAH way, it was more ha-ha-um-ya.

There is a strong possibility, that I will have to quit working at the museum for the time being.
I will be discussing this with the curator, as see if we can work something out. I rather not have him talk to her, cos it will just escalate things. It's already uncomfortable the best of times to see her once a week.

If it wasn't for Ms. Singleton really pointing out some obvious things, who knows how much longer I would have let this go on. I went back and read all the entries about Crazy C since this all started. I learned something. 1. I should have stopped this after the first outside of work hangout. 2. It IS escalating.

This all started Tuesday when Crazy C was going thru my friends list, and got waaaaaaaaaay too excited about one person in particular. Actually she freaked right out. (Singleton & I have this person as a mutual friend) She claims they had made out forever ago, (in reality, maybe it was a kiss on the cheek, who knows) Started to demand information on this person. How I knew them, how I came to have him on facebook, wanting personal information on him.  Umm that is NEVER, read, NEVER going to happen. 

I screwed around with fb and can not be sure how I did it, but I manage to block my friends list from everyone.  Last thing I need is her going thru my list and start messaging men (celebrity or not) and making me look bad.  She has not mentioned she can no longer see my list. However there is always the possibility she messaged them before I was able to block it.

I'm exhausted just thinking about her. Never mind dealing with her in person.
It will have to come to the point where I just talk to her and explain that her behaviour is erratic.
If it wasn't for the fact I like working at the museum so much, this shit would have ended forever ago.
There will be tears. Probably screaming at me. And then the bad mouthing me, like she does every single other person that works there.

Except the curator who she is in love with and insanely jealous of me having a more personable relationship with him.  He gave me a pat on the back last week for helping out etc.. nothing inappropriate, but a rub on the shoulder. She saw it and mentioned it later.. HE TOUCHED YOU!?
YOU KNOW HE'S NEVER GOING TO LEAVE HIS G/F!!!
um. wtf? I told her to relax and that it wasn't a big deal, he was thanking me.
HE NEVER TOUCHES ANYONE!!! NEVER!!!!  In my head I'm hearing.. "he never touches me!"

How do I deal with this shit? Its seriously has stopped being comical.
At the same time I feel like I'm being a shitty person for wanting to drop her, knowing she has issues.
ARG.

Lost Art

I've been bitching about the lack of manner in people for years. Mostly the lack of just your basic civil everyday manners, mostly from men. While on dates.

Reading the 24 News paper that is given out free at every single skytrain station. In it today there was an article about how one single mum, dating, noticed that her 6 yr old child had more manners than her 40 yr old boyfriend.  She thought to herself, that she has to be sure to raise a good boyfriend.

When did society as a whole start lacking manners? Don't say times are changing etc... there is never a reason not to call to say you're going to be late to dinner (just don't call AFTER you're suppose to be there) There is never a reason to not hold a door open from time to time, help women with their jackets, offer your seat on the bus (I'll rant again about this one in a bit) hold their gawd damn hands.  And this isn't just on dates. This should be an everyday event.

I commute by transit, and on a daily basis I see grown men ignore women of any age with stability issues, age,  or lots of parcels etc and pretend not to notice they need the seat  you're in.  I've schooled a few men myself on the bus. It's just shameful to see an elderly man offer his seat to a women when there 2,3,4 other capable young men (ages 16-40) more than ept to stand up.

I went on a a few dates recently with an old highschool friend who has manners coming out of his ass.
Although I'm not interested in him romantically, he is consistent with his manners. Along with him and a few of my other male friends, they have raised the bar.

Now this also of course applies to women just as much as it does men. Some women are very defensive, and well, they will come around in time. Others think (or demand) that they be treated like princess's.  I think, yes, you should want to be treated nicely, but to demand it?? No.  There is a time and place for everything.

Perfect example- my weekend with Museum Crazy C. (you know this wont end well) 
She was having a very manic week, so I offered my ear to her...at my house, after work.  She cried a lot. More out of realization that she's been dwelling on someone she can't have and a museum co-worker is all buddy buddy with him now and continues to run it in her face... detour.. story for a whole other day..

After much crying, my phone was ringing all night, friends asking if I was going to a gig in town. I had mentioned NO, as I was comforting a co-worker (I'm always careful not to use the word friend) etc.  In the end we ended up going to this gig.  We sat down, I introduced myself to the handsome men across the table from us (as we're sharing their space) and start to enjoy the night.  It's not til the end of the night where I learned a few things.  I've already exchanged phone numbers with one of these men earlier, and had excused myself from the table. Upon my return, the men were gone and Crazy C was looking smug.
And drunk. Very very drunk.

She wants to freshen up before we leave, so I mention I'll meet her outside etc.
I run into the men from our table, looking less than impressed.. Make some small talk and learn that Crazy C had said to them while I was away from the table.. "If you were real gentlemen, you'd pick up our tab."

Hanging my head in shame and simply horrified.. I apologize to them and offer the business card of the one guy back to him.  I'm sure he thinks I'm just as crazy as she is now. I apologize profusely, asking them to let me take them for drinks next week (on me) to make up for her rudeness.  They smile politely and the one mentions he'll call me.  I will not blame him one bit if he doesn't call.

We head to the car (I drove her car)and Crazy C proceeds to tell me the same story the men just told me.
She laughs while I tell her I think it was extremely rude to ask strangers to pick up her tab. (I had nothing but water) Instantly she gets super defensive (of course) almost yelling that her time with them was worth them picking up the tab. 

WHAT!? We weren't WITH them!!! We shared a table that they could have denied us and made small talk.  I decided not to argue with her, as I've learned from earlier events that this will all end badly.

Sidenote: While writing this, I've left a voicemail for the one guy and quickly explain that Crazy C and I are NOT friends, but co -workers, extending my offer again (with an apology) to take them for drinks this weekend.

Whilst ladies like to be treated nicely and have tabs picked up for us, it should never be expected. Never.
I will not be taking Crazy C anywhere in public again, no where around my friends anyways. 

She saw her behaviour as deserving empowerment. Whereas I saw it as utter rudeness.

So if by fluke chance, 31 yr old Andreis, who recently passed the bar exam in November, employment lawyer from N.Van, happens to read this, again, I'm so so sorry.

.....Still hanging my head in shame.

Accutane It's going to be a long year.

Accutane is serious shit. It's a high dose of Vitamin A. Very High.

It requires you to have your liver function tested EVERY MONTH for the duration of your cycle.

My dermatologist and I have been ho/humming about putting me on this for years.

Up until now, I've only heard of horror stories about this drug. For the last 4 years, we've been using topical creams, birth control (lasted 9 days) and a antibiotic.

All were great....at suppressing it, not curing it.

I give up. I surrender. Let's try Accutane.

Got the green light from the family doctor too.

Now it gets serious.

The following things must take place and be approved BEFORE I can even start taking it.

Pregnancy test- before and after

Order of blood work on my liver, once a month for 6 months.

(this will repeat every month)

Must start a second form of birth control for a month prior to starting the meds.

If I choose not to use a second method, I MUST MUST abstain from being

sexually active for the 6 months, plus one month afterwards while the meds leave my system.

No alcohol. Not one drop.

Nothing better than being told you CAN NOT do something that makes you want to do it even more.

I've gone that long without sex before, not by choice, but it's been done.

At first I thought not drinking would be the worse of it. If only it were that easy.

Count 6 months from the middle of March. Where does that put me? AT THE END OF SUMMER!

Spring/Summer with no sex or alcohol? Shit, I may as well just throw myself off a building now. hmph.

....Oh ya, then there are the side affects.

Ready?......

*Chapped lips (90%), countered by a using Vaseline or Aquaphor as a lip moisturizer,

*Dry skin and itching (80%) helped by frequent moisturizer creams,

*Dryness of nose, mild nosebleed (80%), helped by "AYR nasal gel",

*Irritation of the eyelids and eyes (40%),

*Joint and muscle pains (15%),

*Temporary hair thinning (10%), (are you fucking kidding me???)

*Rash (7%),

*Intestinal symptoms (5%),

*Urinary symptoms (5%),

*Headache (5%),

*High Increased sensitivity to sun (5%),

*Decreased night vision (<1%),

*Depression, thoughts of suicide (<1%).

Remind me again WHY I am going to take this drug? Oh ya... it has an 80% CURE ALL rate from acne....forever!  Great thing is, all the side effects are reversible.

I apologize now for all the whining that may will occur in the next coming months.

I figure I should be proactive about other things while doing this.

Will start exercising. Yup I will. Just do it. I'm probably going to be miserable.

I may as well be proactive while miserable. And when it's all over, I'll have perfect skin and have lost some weight. Woop!

Seriously, I'm just psyching myself up for this. If it was extremely dangerous, they wouldn't offer it, right?

Personal Journeys.

I believe everyone should believe in something. Be passionate about something.

Whatever it may be. Politics, religion, spiritualism, money etc,

BUT...... it should be a personal journey and/or experience.

I do not need the unsolicited advice of someone who now believes I'm less of a person or beneath them cos I do not believe in the same thing, or gawd forbid, have a different opinion about how one should share.

If you blog about your beliefs in whatever they be, that's fine. I probably read you....cos I can CHOOSE to do so.  My beef is with those who feel the need to share their ways with me when I did not ask. Or hound me after I've politely made it clear I will not discuss the following topics (religion, money, and politics) cos I do not believe that half the planet is capable of having an educated discussion about it without becoming heated.

Examples in no particular order in 2010.

-Being told (many of us were told) that we'd all be "healthier" if we were vegitarians'.....at.a.turkey.dinner. Seriously.

-Doing laundry and being told the fabric softener sheet I use on my clothes (clothes only, never my towels or sheets) cause cancer and they promise to say something nice at my funeral. WTF!?

- Choosing to believe in a higher power was not the same as believing in God.

-Being yelled at that GOD DOES NOT EXIST!....(Again, please keep that shit to yourself and the foot stomping hissy fit you threw with it).

-Being talked to as though I'm used goods or less or a woman cos I choose not to have children or the fact I'm that I'm currently single. Like it's a horrid crime.

-How I choose to deal with Crohn's and Hypothyroidism is 'wrong' and I should explore alternative medicines. (Says who? Not the people who spent $$$ and years of their lives to study the history of medicine...say it isn't so!!)

...I could go on, but you get the picture.

I've found a seldom few people are capable and open to discussing/teaching/learning about differences their friends believe in.  Once you start telling another person they are wrong for their beliefs, you and I will have a problem.

You do not have to agree with their beliefs and/or passions, but as a friend you should support them. (yes I have to remind myself to practice what I preach) that is until they give no option but not too as a result of their views.

I have a lot of friends that do shit I do not agree with, but I do not hold it against them. One, it has nothing to do with and doesn't inconvenience my life at all. If it did, well that is a different story.

My point is, again, whatever you path in life is, do unto others. Seriously. That shit will come back to you and karma works in both good and bad ways. 

If you lack the common sense of the most basic commands in life, (knowing the difference between right and wrong, good and bad) then you have bigger issues my friend, and friend is something I probably do not use when describing you. Of course there are variants to this as people are dealt shitty hands, but you make the best of it.

Let's get back to the basics. Treat people with respect, love, kindness and an open heart.

You have two ears and one mouth...try to listen a little more and talk a bit less.

Follow New Blogger - Elizabeth Singleton Asks: Are You For Real?

Quite some time ago I introduce Elizabeth Singleton as my love life coach.

And while she does give the bestest advice ever (offline) for my love/non love/dating/non dating/Crazy Museum  C issues I may be having, she has found a reason to start a blog herself.

Please welcome her to the blog-o-sphere family.
I'm sure she will be a hoot.
Elizabeth Singleton Asks: Are You For Real?

Afraid of Love Maybe

As you know I went out Saturday with an old highschool friend Saturday. Had a good time as far as having drinks and getting caught up goes.

Although I couldn't help notice he treated it very much like a date all the way to the end. In addition to some casual non creepy comments he made through out the night.

Since then, I've been asked by a g/f if he could turn out to be a romantic interest? I had to think about it...briefly. "No." Was my reply.  Of course my g/f jumped all over me that I'm too picky, find fault in everything etc and should just roll with it. She's rooting for him.

I forgot what it was like to have to defend not wanting to date someone no matter how awesome on the surface or in depth they may be. 

"Romantic Chemistry must be mutual" I muttered.  She just rolled her eyes.

Listen up girlfriends, seriously.  

I know you have my best interest at heart, but it's MY heart that has to have the pitter patter flutter in it for me to be interested. If it is not there, you can not force it just for the sake of not being alone.

So please just fuck off with your lectures about being too picky and should give so and so a chance. I will turn the tables onto you and give you a taste of your own medicine soon.

Seriously.  I'm a grown woman capable of deciding for myself if I should or shouldn't date someone. 

I've already done my pro/con list. Saturday, while ON our date for that matter...

Pro's

He aged very well.

Is handsome.

Total gentleman

Attentive.

Drives a luxury car, although I'm not convinced he'll have it for long.

Gives good hugs. (okay that might have been me, I give great hugs and people usually reciprocate it).

Cons

I'm nor romantically or physically attracted. That should be enough on it's own.

He's starting his own business and is not financially stable, he's scared about losing everything.

He's living with family, and his plans are to live in the office space he decides to rent for his business.

He LOVES to gamble.

He smokes.

He's got bad teeth (yes that is a shallow deal breaker for me) I mean really bad teeth.

So whilst he may be a great guy, he's not for me.  He will be a great friend. I already know that.

And I do sense that he wouldn't mind moving forward romantically, I wont lead him on or keep him on the hook. I'll find my own tactful way of making is non chalantly known I'm not interested.

This same g/f even suggested that maybe I'm more afraid of love than I realize. Since in her opinion I push these great men away. This may be true. However there is a very big difference between pushing someone away from being afraid, although interested, and pushing someone away that you're simply not interested in.

Why does it have to be more complicated than that? It doesn't have to be drama riddled with ho hums and I don't knows....maybe.  I'm not pushing him away from friendship. I'm not encouraging romantic behaviour.

Soooo girlfriends, yes I maybe be afraid to fall in love again, but I am not going to be with someone for the wrong reasons. Enough said. Please do not make me tell you again, or I'll be forced to unleash my opinions about your dating rituals to you.

Now, if I could pick and choose the qualities of friends, looks, past b/f's etc and put together a man I would live with forever, that would be perfect.

I'm looking for something specific and I learn a little more what I want on all dates.

I will find it one day and it will fit naturally into my life. We'll just fit.

No Luck

Back in November you'll remember I bought a new pullout couch, a kingsize bed and a tv from a g/f.

I've given the TV away to a transitional house as it was toooooo big for my apartment and was slightly mislead on it's model. (not a new lcd flat screen, but a rear projection)

Since I've got the bed, I've never once laid in it and had my body say "aaaaahhhh".  It's too firm. Way too firm. (I'm waking up more often now than I use too) And too big. Not big as in it doesn't fit, cos it does. It's too big for my 5'2 singlehood frame.  I'm swimming in it! And without a spouse, it's not nearly as much fun as I thought it would be.  Not to mention the aches and pains I'm in now... damn new bed.

Every time I talk to SR, she mentions how she misses the bed etc.. So I called her today and offered it back to her.  Just my luck, the timing was off by a weekend. They just purchased a new kingsize. :(
So I'm selling it for what I paid for it. $400 all bedding included.  Not bad for a bed less than 4 years old.

I'm just going to have to suck it up and pay full price for a bed that suites my proper needs etc.
And I'm going to downsize to a Queen. At least I know I wont be swimming in that one.

On that note, I do not think I'll be buying any more furniture from friends.
No matter how great the condition of it is.

However, the pullout couch is staying put, I LOVE that thing!

Weekend

I had a low key fun filled weekend.

Friday - Derm Apt. Was recommended to be on Accutane to clear up the reoccurring acne.
Went to the AWB gig with Might McMullen. We caught up on our lives.
Although we live in the same town since she moved here after meeting her surfing 5 years ago, we do not get to see each other all that often.  We caught up, rolled our eyes, laughed and sang at the top of our lungs with the Adam Woodall Band.

Saturday - Was filled with a doctors appointment and a very late doctor. :(
If I'm charged for being late or missing an appointment, why aren't they?  This is MY time, not theirs.  But on the other hand, my doctor is not once to rush anyone out of an appointment.  So I bit my tongue and waited my turn.

Thyroid Meds are indeed too high.  They have to be lowered, but not for another 4 weeks at the earliest. Blood work needs to confirm it again.
Got the green light to be on the Accutane for 6 months. 
Was weighed. :(  I'm heavy. Although my shape and curves help me carry it, it needs to come off. Got the green light to really move forward with the weight loss. 
Aside from that, I'm healthy and the appointment was short.

Got home, napped, then got a text to go for drinks. As I said SURE, I came down with food poisoning. Great, just great. Not to be a Debbie Downer, I forced the issue out then was good. Upon being picked up, I realize I've lost my bank card. Crap. I called the bar from last night. They have it, but I've already cancelled my card.  Ugh. Call my friend/date and explained the situation and gave him an out, since I couldn't afford to cover myself.  Like a true gentleman, he replied that he wouldn't have let me pay anyways, but appreciated the fact that I did not assume he would. :)

Off to the bar we go. Booo completely forgot the UFC fight was on. The bar is packed to the max and just I'm suggesting we try somewhere else, the bar manager offers us two seats with a table of guys, who gracefully invite us to sit with them.  Turns out to be a great night of random. We networked the table, I got a few numbers. :) (once the table learned we were not on a 'date date' but catching up). I play wingman for the guy I'm sitting next too and he scores the number he wanted! Many high fives and drinks are bought for the victory.

The night is slowing down and we've all had many many drinks.  My friend/date walks over to me and says "Are you ready for a night you won't forget?"  I must have looked shocked, cos I had clearly not given the impression I was up for anything other than drinks, and my flirting at the table with other men would have been a clear sign.  The look I gave clued my friend in that I was thinking something completely different from what he had in mind. Phew.  He wanted to drive up to Whistler and watch the sun come up. Not exactly a night to never forget, but I went with it.

I laughed cos it was only midnight and our sun doesn't rise til 6-7am still.  he forgets he's not in San Diego anymore.  But off we go. With a sudden swerve on the highway, I'm reminded of the new drinking laws and that this is not cool, we shouldn't be driving.  I make this clear and express my concern, all while texting friends who I'm with, and where we're heading incase no one hears from me in the morning etc.

We get half way there and he has since calmed/reassured me he's okay. But agrees like a gentleman not to push it. Instead we head back to West Van and promptly get lost.

The short of it is, I ened up peeing on my own leg behind his car. While watching the water, I fell down some rocks and grabbed onto the branch beside me, which was not a branch, but a vine of thorns!!!! 
Many, many wounds.  It's dark in West Van on the water.. no street lights.

Got home in one piece and had decided I had a really good time. We caught up on our lives, laughed, told stories, listen to great music.  Next time I'll take him to meet my friends and hopefully he can build some new rapports.

Sunday - I rebelled and refused to not watch the SuperBowl game. Football.. pptff.  Even though I was cheering for Pittsburg, I heard it was a close game, but they loss. Nursed a small hangover and napped.

Good weekend.

How was yours?

Lamest excuse that ever was....Although true.

I was asked by an old high school friend to go for drinks tonight.
I haven't seen him since Gr10. although we've kept in touch, he's now living in the same area code.

Before I could hear myself or the sensory filter between my brain and mouth, the words "I'm sorry, I can't tonight, I'm washing my hair." Silence at his end, as though to say.. oh no she didn't!

Like a light bulb going off in my head, it occurred to me that that line is the lamest excuse to bow out of a date....and I just used it.

"NO NO NO IT'S TRUE, I SWEAR TO GAWD!" I insisted. 
"you can even come over and hang at my place etc,"..... I had to go on to explain to him, that it's not an excuse to get out of a date. I do have to wash my hair.  I refrain from using a blow dryer as much as possible, so washing my hair, drying it and styling it again all in the same night.... never happens.
It hasn't in over a decade.

I also had to explain I only wash my hair once or twice a week, cos it takes that long to get dirty.  Thankfully he had a sense of humour and could sense I was being sincere, and will be coming by my place tonight to hang out and catch up. Phew.

Looking back I use to make fun of those girls who used that as an excuse.
Then started to wonder, if it really was an excuse?

Ladies, what is your hair care regiment?
Men, have any of you been the receiver of this excuse, if so, how did you perceive it?

To Honey or not to Honey....that is the question.

Been following a friend on twitter when I read the following update - Day 8 no poo!

I emailed her privately to say WTH! Go to the doctors etc.
She replied laughing saying, not pooh, poo = shampoo.  EW. No Shampoo fpr 8 days? Gross.

She went on to explain further that her and a few friends (who are all a little granola) are going back to the basics and getting away from all body cleaning products that have chemicals. Ew. Still. But to each their own. They are washing their hair with baking soda, apple cider vinegar mixture or something. Sorry, I'm never going to try that. I like my Redken just fine thanks.

JD is a very curious person and will research the crap out of everything so she can have a educated opinion before she does or says something. :)  regardless the topic, she will know everything there is to know inside and out. I however, I am not so passionate at times.  I'll do my research until I'm happy enough just to say yay or nah to trying something. Common sense plays a large part in my decisions.

In the same email she mentioned she'd stop washing her face too. Again. ew.
Then learned, she's just not washing it with soap etc. She's washing her face with honey!..... honey!!!

I did some reading up on it, and although it's not a huge movement, there seems to be some benefits to it.
I decided, what the hell, I'll give it two weeks and see what happens.
I have nothing to lose, what could happen, my face get worse? Ptfff I'm almost 40 and dealing with acne...
I'll try anything right now that doesn't involve me taking more drugs just to suppress it.

I'm on day 4. And so far I'm liking what I see.  Skin tone is balancing out, blemishes are clearing up.
Of course I'm still using my witch hazel as a toner and rose water as a moisturizer. (when I'm not in the mood to use my regular stuff) Not bad. It's cheap. It seems to be working.  And I don't smell like anything.

I must admit though, it was a little off putting to be in the bath and putting honey on my face, when it should be going into my tea or something.

Would you try it?
Have you ever tried anything unusal? If so, what was it?

Top 5 Favourite Men.

I can write just about anything, as long as I have something to say about it.
Although now I have a deadline to write a guest post, and do you think I can think of what to write?

I know what I have to write about, and I'm well versed in it. But..... Blank....sound of crickets between my ears.  Crap. I have the worse type of writers block. The type that craps out when you're writing for someone else.

I've invested in a large bottle of wine and a new cd for tonight.
I will have my top 5 male voices plugged into my ears, set the mood with candles (before and after my bath to relax), lots of wine, maybe read some old entries and let the fingers type away in their ulterior ego. 

Top male voices that can provoke all sorts of feelings.
Adam Woodall (http://www.adamwoodallband.com/flash)
Edwin G. (I Mother Earth, Solo & Crash Karma) http://crashkarma.com/
Gerald Eaton (Jarvis Church & Philosopher Kings)
Ray LaMontagne http://www.raylamontagne.com/us/home
#5 - this one rotates based on my mood. - Currently  acoustic Jason Mraz.

I say voices over bands, cos regardless of which band these men currently work within, their voices are so ridiculously perfect, they could sing the alphabet and make it sound amazing.

So I'll have my favourite men in my ears, some yummy wine and hopefully I'll be laying out an excellent entry in the next day or two.