Royal Bitch & Crazy C Update

You read it. I'm a royal bitch these days. Not to everyone, specifically to one person.
It's almost like he's taunting me to tear him down a notch or two every time he does something stupid opens his mouth.

Island Guy (read back from April -Sept 09 I think) lives just a few short blocks from me since moving here in 09. He's grown up considerably since moving here and realizing that the mainland isn't forgiving. (this is saying a lot when you read the following) We're adults here. People do not care you're sensitive, business is business.  He regularly mixes business with the wrong kind of pleasure.

Eg: His boss says they're thinking of considering him for the sales department in another part of the country. He hears "Promotion, more money" and goes and gives notice on his apt, spends money he doesn't have, solely based on hearsay. I've told him repeatedly, until it's in writing, believe nothing. This company screws him over more often that I'm surprised he just doesn't drop his pants and wait for it. Or leave and get a job elsewhere?

Same with women. This one pisses me off.
He bitches endlessly and cries (sorry men, boys who cry cause they did not get their way is NOT attractive - there is a difference between crying for a valid reason and because you're a petulant child) He is all too often all woes is me about his love life. His biggest mistake...asking me for my opinion.
He knows I will not hold his hand. In the beginning I use to use more tact, now, I do not give a flying fuck, cos he only asks so someone will feel sorry for him, when he has no intentions of trying to improve the things that piss women off.

Eg:  He asked me why women won't date him more than once.  He asks for the brutal honest truth as his "big sister" (dude you're 28 you should have some of this basic shit figured out), so that is what I gave him. Based on the stories he's shared with me.

1) Being sucky cute (in voice and mannerisms) I've advised him many many times that women do not like men who think/trying to be cute as a way to get by is acceptable.  Seriously. You get into a fight and you're 100% at fault, reply by text or phone and the only thing leaving your mouth is a giggle followed by "we're good" is not okay. Just cos you say it, doesn't make it true. Avoiding the issues at hand by being cute or talking like a baby do not make things okay... it just aggravates it more.

2) He doesn't listen. - If a girl (his last g/f) says lets go for a hike. She means, "let's go for a hike" He hears, pack a picnic and make it all romantic etc.. mean while the g/f is dressed and ready to do the grouse grind.  Then wonders why the g/f is annoyed with him and breaks up with him a few weeks later for more of the above being repeated.

3) This one bugs most people, not just g/f's etc. 
If anyone contacts you via the phone, you'd think most of the world's population would want a phone call back. Nope... if you call him, he'll reply on your facebook wall.  If you text him, he will  reply via email. If you write on his facebook wall, he'll text you.

He'll do the opposite of however you've contacted him.
I've told him this is the a large part of the reason I do not invite him out anywhere, cos I'm not chasing him down to confirm plans. If he's serious about staying connected with his friends and dates, he needs to pay attention to the basic common sense of communicating.

Needless to say, he was less than impressed with my replies.  "Not impressed, seriously not impressed" he says.  That was 14 days ago. I've emailed, called, texted and fb him. No reply. When I did finally get a hold of him last night, his first reply to me when asked why he hadn't returned any calls etc was "we're good".
UGH!!!!!

NO WE'RE NOT!  You're not!  He goes on to explain that he's mad at me.
I couldn't help but laugh.. which pissed him off even more.
My response was... "Are you mad at me cos I gave you the answers you didn't want to hear, or cos it's true? Do you think you would be mad if it weren't true? Hate to say it, but you have a whole lot more growing up to do."

I might not have handled him with the most care. I find myself time and time again having less and less patience for him. He's careless with his health (allergic to all nuts and let all his epi-pens all expire 3 years ago) Careless with his bills. (he pays $800 all inclusive) Bitches that he's always broke and struggling, and in the same breath, talks about how he wants to move to another part of the city his rent would be $800-$1000 not inclusive. In his head he doesn't see the argument?

His parents are partly to blame for all this.  They've time and time again bailed him out and he's become dependant on it. "oh it's okay, my parents will take care of me"... Dude you're almost 30 and then you wonder why women do not want to date you?  Island Guy moving the mainland was a huge step in cutting the apron strings, and he has grown up a bit (if you can believe it)

I guess what I'm trying to tell myself, it's not my job to parent or sister him.  He asks, I tell him and he throws hissy fits.  As I get older I'm finding myself less patient to deal with blanten stupidity. That makes me a bitch and a bad friend.  Although on the other hand, my other friends who have troubles I handle much better. Maybe it's cos they are not running home to their folks, or whining about it constantly. They voice their laundry, get suggestions then actually do something about it. Whereas Island Guy just runs home to his parents (who are actually lovely people btw) and hides.

The past year and a half since breaking up with Douche bag, I've become a bit of a hard ass. I need to find that balance of tact, kindness and patience, without being a royal bitch. Or I might find myself without friends.
I don't want to seem all McJudgey, but I am finding it hard to maintain friendships with people who seem to like living their lives as though they're still teenagers.

I think my compassion censor is broken. I have a shitty attitude.

Moving On......Crazy C
Friday I was talking to Elizabeth Singleton that I had a gut vibe things at the museum would not be running as smoothly as the last time I was there with Crazy C.   I tried to brush it off, cos I really do not care what that lunatic thinks or does anymore.  (ya that was harsh) I walked in the front door to be greeted with the death stare and curled lip from hell I've ever seen.  I say Hi, and keep walking past her.
For the few hours I'm there, things move along without incident.  Then I started to notice, any time I had to walk into her area, she would get up go into the other room, which I just came from, and look like she was looking for something. It became obvious to several people in a short period of time.

At one point I looked up, smirked at the curator and found a reason to walk into her area, again.. the same thing... she almost jolts out of her chair and walks into the room I just came from. Everytime.  It was hard not to start laughing out loud. The curator finally walked over to her and whispered (even though its tight quarters we can all hear the whisper) to her that he felt she was walking around too much for things that were not relevant every time I got up etc..   She stayed put the next few times I had to grab a book etc. but the looks she would shoot me. I would just smile at her and go about my business.

She must be out of her mind if she thinks a few dirty looks and making it clear it's uncomfortable in my presence is going to stop me from coming to the museum. Okay it might after awhile, but I refuse to let events in her brain or saga she thinks is going on, to effect my job and time there.  Part of me really wants to just fuck with her now.  I won't cos who knows what kind of crazy will surface.

When I left, I said "bye, have a good week" with a pleasant none bitchy tone, only to be greeted with a very nasty snarl (which a few people saw) and what I  swear was her about to give me the finger, instead she just waved as though she was shooing someone away.. you know that move right? the back of your hand is waving shoo shoo go away...

Oh Crazy C... you are indeed a nut.

No More Museum Crazy C

It's over!
I had enough of all the emails, texting, phone calls with no messages left. Hang ups etc.
Once again I want to thank Elizabeth Singleton. Without her personal insight and personal experiences, I'm not sure I would have been able to handle ending this on a high note. I might have just resorted to throwing a hissy fit and telling her to go away etc. Instead I explained the points I wanted to make, while I think obtaining a positive note on it all.  However Crazy C did not see it that way.

I had planned to talk to the curator about my plans to ask CC to scale it back a bit, unfortunately I did not get that chance until after the email was sent.  I sent the email as close to the end of CC's day, as not make her upset while at work. Knowing she'd be checking her hotmail account from work.
After setting up an appointment this morning for a phone call with the curator, I feel even better about the actions I took.

I explained to him that I did not want her reprimanded as this was a personal issue, although I did want him to be aware of my plans so he could gauge her attitude etc.  We talked for about 30 mins this morning.
Covered a lot of ground.  He asked if I had the emails still etc. advising yes, he asked if I was comfortable reading some of them, and in addition wanted to know if the emails were sent from her work or personal account.  They were sent from her work.  I read a few, explaining that I did not reply to any.

The short of it is, he was pleased with the way I handled it.  enquired if more actions would be needed. (going to their big boss or legal actions) At the moment, no. I will continue to be professional and respectful towards her while I'm there.  I do feel the need to mention that had I left this much longer, I wouldn't put it past her to drive by my house etc. She's mentioned she's done that in the past etc..

I feel positive. I've been backed up. My hours at the museum are flexible, and been reassured that they enjoy me there etc. Of course he had to ask me if I felt taken advantage of, being asked to do certain tasks as it's not a paying job.  I confirmed I was happy, loving the experience and reminded him he's always given me the option not to do a certain task.  I always reply, "it has to be done, put me where the priority is".. and off I go.  It may be volunteer, but it's still a real job.

So here it is. The email I sent to CC and her reply.

Hey Crazy C,


What do you mean "What the F is wrong with you? I can't find you anywhere..."

I am not always available, or online. Sometimes I just do not feel like being reached.
I haven't been around to reply to all your emails.


Please do NOT take this the wrong way. I'm sorry if I've worried you, but I don't feel it necessary to reply immediately or talk to somebody everyday.
My everyday life isn't like that. I don't talk to my friends, email, or text them every single day, so it become a little over whelming to be checked on, like I'm being monitored or having tabs kept on me. It starts to feel suffocating and needy, especially when it starts with, "I cant find you."


I'm not ignoring you or giving you the silent treatment, as per your most recent text message.
I've just got things going on right now, that I'm not interested in sharing with anybody.


Unfortunately, I don't think we're as close as you may think we are.
I like you, but I find your behaviour right now a little overwhelming and I need to have some space from the constant emails.


So on that note, let's leave our acquaintanceship to chatting on Friday's, the occasional drink after work, and being your soundboard from time to time.


That's all I can offer you at this moment.


Just Saying.

Her reply:

thats fine not many people can handle being my friend. its something i am working on.


after a year (as you pointed out we have known each other for) i thought you knew my behaviour is well meaning and can be interpreted as being over the top.

we dont have anything in common and you are right we arent really friends.

i was hoping for a friendship but i am definitely in agreement that we are not a good fit.

dont bother with the niceties, i can reject people too you know.

so good luck and no love lost.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soooooooooooo DA CRAZY IS GONE!!
The coming weeks will tell how she is really adjusting it. Her "so good luck" might imply maybe she thinks I quit the museum? She'll be in for a shock next week if that is what she indeed thought. She replied not as I thought. I thought it would be more spazzy.  E.Singleton pointed out (she has a secret handbook on crazies, or just took really good notes in her experiences) that CC would probably try and turn this around, as it's all my fault. etc.   Time will only tell.

I knew her personality was indeed over the top, but there is a difference between being quirky and physco.
At least she is self aware. Claims to be working on it... that only works if you're not taking recreational drugs in addition to your lithium.  She did hit it on the nail when she confirmed we have nothing in common. We don't. Not one thing. That isn't always a bad thing, but in this case, it was.

So now you have it. I'm free of da crazy.
Thank you all for the support, and suggestions wheather they were public or private.
Every bit helped.

Now I have to see about getting my judgement radar fixed. Cos it is clearly defective.

Crazy C Update

, After a day off and much discussion with Elizabeth Singleton we've decided that Crazy C is thicker than I am capable of handling.

Ms. Singleton reminded me of her experiences with someone previously in her life who behaved the same way. She suggested I not make my life so available to her eg: facebook statuses. It's never occurred to me that I give away entirely too much information.  Like -  Renew licence, do chores, go on date, volunteer at the museum, see Rosco play.. It's going to be a good week. She NEEDS to know where and what I'm doing all the time.  Like she's entitled to know.  I deleted my updates.

And almost immediately, Crazy C started to panic, just as Singleton said she would when she couldn't see what I was up too via FB.  "She needs to keep tabs on you."

In the last 60 hours,(started Tuesday night) here are the emails from Crazy C.

Wednesday night:
Email #1 - Gottza gettza a new phone.
Email #2 - Dino hasn't arrived yet. Haven't heard from him.  (Ok I have no idea who/what a dino is)
Email# 3- Where are you? Hello.

Thursday all day:
Email #1 on facebook- What the f is going on with you? i cant find you anywhere...
Email #2 on my work account - Hello? (my out of office notice in on at this point)
Cell starts to ring as I'm on the phone with Singleton,  it's Crazy C. No msg is left. No Text.
Email # 3 on facebook - Where are you?
Email #4 - Are you alright?

Friday - Today:
Email #1 - Hello? Where the F are you?!!?!!
Email #2 - HELLLLOOO!!!! Clearly you're at work, your out of office is off now!
Email #3 - Are you coming in today?

I honestly thought I'd be able to just ignore her, or tell her I'm just not interested in hanging out anymore.
I have tact most of the time, however this is going to be much much harder as I'm dealing with someone who's mental stability and reality are cloudy, very very cloudy.  Again, I'm not dissing her cos of her mental illness, I'm dissing her cos it's becoming apparent she isn't taking care of her mental health properly. And projecting that the state of her happiness depends on me. (no seriously, that's not ego talking)

As suggested, she will try and twist the events as this is all my fault etc, and there is probably a whole other series of events that she imagined took place in her head all leading up to this. And in her brain, I somehow owe her an explanation.  I'm going to try and turn this around on her.  "What is with the WTF emails?, What's up?" 

I will not be updating my facebook status with anything relevant for the next few weeks.  And I might, just might have to quit the museum for the time being. 
I want to see the good in everyone, but my crazy bullshit radar has been clearly defective for the last couple years.  It's almost like I'm inviting this shit into my life. I'm not, I swear.

I made a joke that if I ignore her long enough, I might just find her in my room watching me sleep or something.  We laughed, but not in that HAHAH way, it was more ha-ha-um-ya.

There is a strong possibility, that I will have to quit working at the museum for the time being.
I will be discussing this with the curator, as see if we can work something out. I rather not have him talk to her, cos it will just escalate things. It's already uncomfortable the best of times to see her once a week.

If it wasn't for Ms. Singleton really pointing out some obvious things, who knows how much longer I would have let this go on. I went back and read all the entries about Crazy C since this all started. I learned something. 1. I should have stopped this after the first outside of work hangout. 2. It IS escalating.

This all started Tuesday when Crazy C was going thru my friends list, and got waaaaaaaaaay too excited about one person in particular. Actually she freaked right out. (Singleton & I have this person as a mutual friend) She claims they had made out forever ago, (in reality, maybe it was a kiss on the cheek, who knows) Started to demand information on this person. How I knew them, how I came to have him on facebook, wanting personal information on him.  Umm that is NEVER, read, NEVER going to happen. 

I screwed around with fb and can not be sure how I did it, but I manage to block my friends list from everyone.  Last thing I need is her going thru my list and start messaging men (celebrity or not) and making me look bad.  She has not mentioned she can no longer see my list. However there is always the possibility she messaged them before I was able to block it.

I'm exhausted just thinking about her. Never mind dealing with her in person.
It will have to come to the point where I just talk to her and explain that her behaviour is erratic.
If it wasn't for the fact I like working at the museum so much, this shit would have ended forever ago.
There will be tears. Probably screaming at me. And then the bad mouthing me, like she does every single other person that works there.

Except the curator who she is in love with and insanely jealous of me having a more personable relationship with him.  He gave me a pat on the back last week for helping out etc.. nothing inappropriate, but a rub on the shoulder. She saw it and mentioned it later.. HE TOUCHED YOU!?
YOU KNOW HE'S NEVER GOING TO LEAVE HIS G/F!!!
um. wtf? I told her to relax and that it wasn't a big deal, he was thanking me.
HE NEVER TOUCHES ANYONE!!! NEVER!!!!  In my head I'm hearing.. "he never touches me!"

How do I deal with this shit? Its seriously has stopped being comical.
At the same time I feel like I'm being a shitty person for wanting to drop her, knowing she has issues.
ARG.

Museum Crazy C Update

This past Friday I had a great day at the museum. A first in a long time.

The curator and I were working together etc and he asked if I was going to miss my weekly drink with CC?
I rolled my eyes, smiled and whispered I was glad for the break. *wink*

3 hours went by swimmingly and as everyone left we were left behind to finish up some things we'd started that take two people etc.  I mentioned I knew it went without saying, but to please not mention what I said about needing a break.  As great and perceptive he is, he initiated a chat.

Without giving him intimate details, I explained the situation.
His first concern was that this issue would cause me to want to leave my volunteer position with the museum. I mentioned it had crossed my mind a few times. But wasn't ready to be defeated like that.

R-C stressed in a very positive way,  if that was indeed the case, or I felt that was my only solution at any point, then he would make some changes. (wow feeling the love). 
He also then assumed that my change within the company, was not only, did I want to explore other venues within the museum, but at the same time the new position would make me less available for CC to access my presence while I'm there.  Totally nailed it! (Gawd I love smart people).

That said, I'm thoroughly enjoying my new position more than I anticipated I would.  He was thrilled to hear that. Not only cause volunteers are hard to hold onto, but they enjoy my company. Which at one point in the past I was led to believe I was just a buffer for a break from the crazy.

His guidance had strongly suggested that he'd been through this particular concern before with others in the past, and gave me some tools to handle her.  Tools I wouldn't have thought to use.  :)

Knowing I have back up and support from someone in power will make the process easier.
I'm feeling a whole lot better about how to handle her now.

:)

Single White Female

I've been having some more craziness with Museum Crazy C.
Yesterday while I was at my paying job, her emails started coming in. At first they were the usual generic ramblings of someone filling time and looking busy. That's completely fine.

However, I was busy, working. Actually working, not just looking busy. These moments are few and far between when I have enough work to keep me busy all day.

Enter Miss Crazy. 
The emails were becoming abrupt and almost rude.  I had posted on FB earlier in the day that I was donating blood that night and would then be offline the rest of the night. Anyone who donates, knows sometimes giving blood can wipe you of a little energy. More so on days where you're already overtired.
Below are bits from her emails:
*One email demanded to know why I donate. 
*The others were demanding to know why I wasn't replying to her.
*Another informing me that the Xmas e-card I sent to everyone at the museum was addressed with multiple greetings (Hanukkah, Quanza, Christmas) and that only Christians worked there, so Merry Christmas would have done just fine. (Can't make this shit up).
*The next was her informing me that it drove her absolutely crazy when she was being ignored.


First of all, my patience is waning here. I'm AT WORK! I forwarded the emails to my work wife, asking for her to assist me with a diplomatic reply. However, she was busy too and I couldn't wait, being fuelled by my annoyance for Miss Crazy C.

I shot her a quick reply saying, I didn't have anything to say, and that I was busy with a project. I'd talk to her later. Her emails continued, that if I had enough time to reply to this one, I should have enough time to reply to all. 

So I lied.
I sent her another email advising her that I only had a minute to shoot this email out, cos I was not working alone at my desk, that I was with the CFO and the Controller (my immediate bosses) and CAN NOT reply right away and for her to relax. I'll reply when I have time. 

Still not good enough. She started texting me. Like that somehow was more acceptable???
Fortunately for me, I foresaw that happening and had turned my ringers off.  :) Yay, I get to keep my job.
Towards the end of the day, I emailed her, letting her know my day was over and that I wasn't in the mood to talk. I would chat with her later. More rants from her ensued. I stopped replying.

I'm at a cross roads.
I like her when she's not being super needy and psychotic.  I do not want to seem like an enabler for her, but I think her anxieties about going home for the holidays are revving her up a bit. And since she is under the impression we're much better friends than we really are, I'm afraid if I corrected her, there would be results forming as bits from the single white female movie. I have only come to this conclusion solely based on stories she's told me involving old roommates and friends. She looks up to me for a few things. Things I'm completely happy to help guide her through. But it's starting to feel like she relies on me a far more than she should for her own sanity. Sometimes I'm happy to help, it's overwhelming feeling like it's being demanded from me.

How do I tell her, we're not as close as she thinks? I do not need or want to talk to her everyday. Seeing her on Fridays and going for drinks afterwards and maybe one or two other times is enough. Honestly I'm not all that interested in having a close relationship with her. I do not share much information about my life with her, as she is quickly ready to divulge information on other co-workers etc. If I want people to know, I will tell them. That's my choice to share, shouldn't be hers.

I can not cut her off, cos she will make working at the museum hell. Gossip, etc.
I assume she exaggerates often.

And I do not wish to quit because she forgot to take her meds.  Could I have seen that being friendly at work would result in this, I wouldn't have been nice. How do you assess something like this before hand?
Recap: She was normal until I went to her house. Tricked me!!! lol

Do I make myself unavailable more often? Screen my calls? Stop replying to emails?

What I need from you readers are a few suggestions how to manage this.
In short, I honestly would not lose any sleep if this relationship ended.
I however do value my life and working in the museum drama free.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I guess when I mentioned here that CC and I talked and all would be good in the world again, was a crock of shit.

I find the more she becomes the topic of my entries, makes me realize even more we have a problem here.

Friendship Obligations

My house guest from Nov 09-May 10 has been up to her usual ways lately.
I haven't had any contact with her since May, however she is still giving out my house phone number as her own.

In the past week ish, a credit card company, an employment agency and I believe her cell phone provider (creditors) are looking for her.  They've been leaving messages quite a bit, but today, there were three nasty messages for her.

I called each other them back advising she no longer resides at this number. Two of the three were happy to get a new phone #. The employment agency was another story.

Apparently she signed on with an employment agency in her province last week. They've called to advise of an interview etc. When I called to give them the correct phone # etc, they advised me that the day she came in, she gave them THIS number.  Which if you look back in my blog you'll know she wasn't so much leaving her abusive spouse as much in hind insight that she was actually taking a vacation from being a parent and adulthood. (I learned a little too late on that one)

Good move.
Give them a listing you wont be able to be reached at. Therefore, you'll wont have to work.
This is a move she's probably pulled to apease the ex (who she is living with again - but not together) so he thinks she's actively looking for work but of course isn't getting any call backs...

Well that changed.
I gave all the people looking for her, her house line. The one the ex checks regularly, the one she doesn't.

This isn't the first time she's scammed or gone to great lengths to avoid actually working. Or getting more for nothing. While she was staying with me; she collected EI here, Child tax from another province(illegal) and took a student loan here, shortly before she moved back to the other province.
Fraud Fraud Fraud on so many levels.

It's amazing how some people will go to those lengths to take advantage of, scam, or find another way to bring in money. When in reality, that probably takes more effort, covering your ass with lies, than it would to just go get a job.

I'm sure I won't be hearing from her, or getting anymore phone calls to cover for her when she learns that all those people (and anyone who calls) will now have her proper contact information. Not sure what gave her the impression I would? Or maybe thought I'd just ignore the calls, or too sheepish to do anything about it.
After 23 yrs, she should know better. When pissed off and have met my limit, I'll fight fire with fire and give you your own dose of medicine.

Hope all the effort put into avoiding reality and adulthood is paying off for you.

I'm no longer under any friendship obligations to cover your ass. You've got what's coming to you. Karma is a bitch. You put out so much negative energy into the world, it's bound to find you and return 10 fold.

I Attract Da Crazies.

I thought I left the memo to all the crazies in my last phase of building character, not to follow me here.
Alas they are crazy, so following simple instructions not to bother me in this new phase of my life would go unheard.

It starts with one, and while I believe I can stomp this one out and put her back in line, I'm not sure HOW.
It's become complicated. 1) I work with her at the museum. 2) Aside from her having no filter, I like her. 3) This will not be the first time she's run into this scenario.

She's (um we'll have to think of a name to call her - CC) highly educated, funny at times, quirky, and again, has no filter. Which is part of the reason I find her amusing. She worked hard at befriending me early on, and being painfully shy at first among some interesting characters I work with, I accepted. Never did I think our getting along at work, would cross over to outside of work. Boy did it.

First mistake, if you want to call it that, we went for drinks after work one night.
I learned more about the people I work with than I should be privileged too.  I haven't formed opinions yet, however I'm weary about getting to know them on a more personal level. While I sat listening to all the gossip she'd obviously been dying to share with anyone, I started to make mental notes quickly not to share anything with her that I wouldn't say out loud for everyone to hear.

Some weeks pass, and I learn more every time. I've shared a few things, but as above, it's nothing I wouldn't say out loud for fear she could be sharing my infor with others. In addition it would be frown upon if others (my boss who is in love with her, she claims)  found out we were such good friends.  (um what? we're not good friends, we're work acquaintces). For all I know about the history they have together might be true (one sided story) as he is socially inept, I could care less.

As a volunteer, I receive emails from the curator (only normal person there from what I can tell) with invites for volunteers to help out, join dinners etc. This is why I volunteer there, to get to know as many people as I can and feel like I'm part of something that is contributing to a bigger picture.

My second mistake. Mentioning to CC while chatting on msn that I was also chatting with our curator too.
"WHAT?" was her first response. I explained about the emails I get as a volunteer et certa. 
Now you must understand that our curator is hot. Our age and hot! In a committed long term relationship but HOT.  So of course we crush on him a little.  My crush on him is that it's nice to have something to look at from time to time. CC on the other hand is obsessed.  I've sat for hours on end over time listening to her describe how good he looks in certain things etc. It was fun at first, but seriously, go outside and find something else to chat about.

In the past few months, I've started to notice her opinion is stronger on certain topics when it comes to me taking on more responsibilities at work.  And her trying to constantly remind me that I'm a volunteer, not an employee, and by attending the volunteer dinners, and workshops will not get me liked by the other volunteers. I keep my mouth shut and observe her craziness start to take hold. I know exactly what my position is and where I stand.

My third mistake. Spent the night at her house this past weekend.
Her highschool b/f is coming for a visit and she of course is stoked, an emotional wreck with giddiness.
We grab stuff for dinner and drinks.  Her place is beautiful and she pays thru the nose for it.

In all her excitement she's telling me all the things she has to do, but is only putting around and not accomplishing anything. I clean her kitchen (ew) and her floors.  Thinking this will help her eliminate her nervousness about the weekend ahead.

We're having a good time which leads to the following morning, until she changes ths subject mid-conversation. "Do you believe in God?"  In shock, I blink a few times, replying with "Three things I do not discuss, politics, religion and money", thinking that would be enough.
But it wasn't she pressed on.  I explained I did once, however after the passing of my parents, I became mad at God and the Universe and my opinion was more along the lines of I believe in right and wrong, do not do unto others etc...... She flipped out.  In her rant that God can not exists etc, I stopped listening... blah blah blah not cos I don't value other peoples views, but I never appreciate an opinion being shoved down my throat then asked why I can't see it there way.  I tried my best to diffuse the increasingly hot topic with mention of "Oh look at the time, don't you have to get ready for work?"

As we're close to leaving, she randomly asks if I think her bathroom needed to be cleaned. (oh it did) I asked her to be more specific.  She asked particularly about under neath the toilet seat itself.  (oh it did), getting tired of the inceasingly weirdness, I said yes, the bathroom and the toilet were disgusting and really needed a cleaning. 

The last straw. She blamed the mess of her bathroom and toilet on me. Cos I had used it too. (blink).
I quickly spoke up cos I'd had enough of this. "I may have used your bathroom but the cleanliness in questions wasn't a result of my usage, it had clearly been neglected for sometime."  With no apologies or room for argument, I grabbed my bags and waited by the door.

Not a whole lot was said on the way home, aside from what now seemed liked forced politeness and thanking each other for the good times etc. She then asked for gas money for driving me home. Really, are you kidding me? You have to drive this distances to get to work regardless if I was in the car or not!...is what I thought to myself. But since I was hostage in her car for another 20 mins and did not need her to go off on a rant about God again or some other rant etc, I said sure and gave her $5. 
At this point I can do without the $5.

As you can see I have to handle this one with gentle ease. All the little things I've learned and what I thought was funny in the beginning of our acquaintanceship has made me a little afraid to hang out with her further. To the point I may step back from volunteering all together for a bit, as I can foresee how uncomfortable she might make it.  All the stories about how the coworkers and her do not get along etc, have less and less to do with them and more to do with her reactions. 

From what I can gather, I'm hers. I'm her little pet that she probably thinks she can mould into what she thinks the museum needs and that without her I couldn't succeed. In reality, she needs people to dislike me more than they dislike her in order to feel appreciated at her job.  Am I being narcissistic or am I on track with this one?

I need helpful suggestions and/or solutions to this asap, as I work there every Friday.
To start, I'll conveniently have plans already after work on Friday's and weekends for a while.
If all else fails, I'll talk to the curator and the my boss about working on days she's not there. (of course I'll make it sound like its due to my work schedule etc) and if that fails, then I'll have to talk with the curator directly and explain the situation and the mistake I made letting it cross the boundaries from professional courtesy to personal issues.

De-Friended? Un-Friended? Doesn't matter Frenemie.

I've been deleted by a friend, Frenemie on Facebook.

At first I was a little miffed, but then it quickly occurred to me how rocky our friendship had been anyways.
If you remember I wrote about our one way street friendship here Friendship dynamics, again here Taking one for the team, Girlfriend codes.

I'm not really losing out on anything by her deleting me without the courtesy of a word (although not surprised). Who needs enemies when you have friends like this?  I liked her though. She is a good time when we hang out, if it suits her. Otherwise I've always had a weary vibe about her and more so in the last year when I learned what she had done last Mother's Day.

One for all, all for one. Nope. One for one in her world.
I remember when I first met her at work, I distinctly remember thinking my first week.
She is someone who is only your friend if you have something she wants.
We became friends and that thought was thrown out the window.

Don't get me wrong, there have been many good times, but it doesn't balance her selfish thinking when it comes to priorities of friends. I'm sure there are things I do that drive her completely insane. Her biggest gripe with me that I'm fully aware of is this.
I'm needy. (her words) I have high demands for my standards of friends. In short, she has always felt I'm a high maintenance friend.

Ok then. Shoot me for thinking that treating others with kindness, respect, common courtesy and concerns about their lives makes me high maintenance, then so be it. I really don't want or needs friends who scam on men you're chatting with, and never make you a priority unless they have something to gain from it.

If I think back far enough, this all started going down hill 3 years ago when I got rid of my car. Funny, when I look back, it was always me driving to her house, unless we were going surfing or going to N.Van to see a gig, then she drove. But everything else in between, nope, not interested.

I wish her well and hope her luck doesn't continue to bit her in the ass as karma has been coming around full circle for her.  She makes very very bad decisions with men. Not the kind of just revisiting an ex etc. The kind that put a rock through her oven (after she took him back a second time) for whatever reason.
Inviting random men over from bars, or online dating for one night stands (oh wait, a movie and snuggle) sometimes with her child sleeping in the next room. WHO DOES THAT!?

Before you all start to jump all over her behaviour, I understand how and why she made these decisions. I do not agree with them, but I understand what drove her there. Loneliness. It's crazy the bad decisions we'll make just to feel desired and comforted for a short bit. Although you'd think inviting someone over with your (at the time) young child in the next room would snap you out of that. Now her child is grown. (he's 11yrs old), she is still making bad decisions. Maybe this is why she stop being my friend? Cos I would voice my concern for her safety and have told her that her luck will run out and worse case scenario, her child will find her dead in the morning one day. Insert rock thru oven saga a few weeks later.

I'm not bitter and I do not wish her any ill will. I want her to be happy, find love that she so desperately wants and at the same time. I hope she gets back everything she puts out into the world and hopefully, hopefully,  learns from it.

I've learned bits about myself from knowing you. So thank you for that.
Otherwise, See Ya Roxy, it's been interesting but not a great loss.

Take one for the Team. Wing wo-man, Blind dates - To Do or Do Not?

I’m against forced hook ups, blind dates and more recently learned the boundaries of taking one for the team. After reading this, answer me this.
*Are you for, against hook ups and/or blind dates?
*How far will you go for your g/f to take one for the team?
*Are there guidelines and given "outs" for the night, or are you left to fend for yourself while she does the nasty?


I'm against forced hook ups.......
My friends see what I dated in the past then have attempted to set me up with someone they wouldn't date themselves!!! So he’s not good enough for you but he is for me? Wow!?

One of which had mouth cancer. Nice guy, but I’m not about to invest into a relationship with a man who may lose his tongue, nor am I going to kiss him while it’s black and so are his gums…. (call me shallow, I simply do not care). – I rarely speak to the friend that set me up on this date anymore. Since she verbally made it known she did not think I was of caliber to date men of certain status. ...her opinion only. Wow.

I learned a lot from that set up. I no longer set people up. I have parties or group settings of sorts and inform both parties that the other will be there. If they hit it off on their own, great! If not, there are many people to mingle with, with no obligation to force a hook up cos I thought it would be good for them.

I set myself up on a blind date once. In high school I was IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT with JW.
But, he had a g/f. First year of college a g/f came to me and said there was a guy in her crim class that she thought I’d like. I was skeptic until she told me his name, I nearly pee’d my pants. It was JW. I told her only to find out if he still had a g/f and I would take care of the rest.

Upon finding out he was indeed single, I called him up and introduced myself. Made a date.
8 years later we ended our relationship. Simply cos we no longer wanted the same things for a future after we graduated college etc.  (side note - it's been 12 years, we talk monthly and he's married to a doctor and just had his first child :))

I however have been the wing woman to a friend and took one for the team with a ridiculously hideous fireman, just so she could sleep with his friend. The kicker…. I woke up in the morning to find out she had left. SHE LEFT! She left me there with men we did not know. Girlfriend codes were broken on so many levels!!! Thankfully they were gentleman sans alcohol and drove me home. That's a whole new meaning to the walk of shame home when the fore mentioned has to drive you home. :(

That same g/f broke an even bigger g/f code last year, which has since changed the dynamic of our friendship forever.

It was Mother's Day, and I was having a blah day. Called her up asked her if she wanted to watch cheesy movies and eat crap all night...
1) cos we were both broke.
2) it's the comfort things girls do to cheer each other up) etc.
She claimed to be tired and was going to stay in, was low on gas, had no money etc... Fine... I get it.

Here is where the code was broken.
We're both online daters. We compare men we're talking to just so we don't cross contaminate etc. It's worked in the past, or so I thought.  There was a guy I had been talking too and actually liked. It had potential. 

Chatting him up that same night he told me he had a last minute date that night. (less than an hour after getting off the phone with the g/f and 11pm at night). That this random girl messaged him wanting to meet up for snuggles and a movie....for a first date!!! (code - sex).

Since we met online, I asked if she was from the same site and if he was comfortable showing me her profile. He was. Any guesses who I saw? MY FRIEND! The one who an hour before claimed to be too tired to put in friend time for the emotional wreck I was.  I never said anything to either of them.  (although he now knows and had he known at the time, claims he would have turned it down, thought us being friends and her contacting him was shady, even from a guys standard).

I ended contact with him shortly after he confirmed they slept together that night. (for just over a year, we've started chatting again) I stopped sharing information about the men I was talking too, with her.  Actually stopped contacting her first. How many other times had she done this?
Granted it's a dating site and everyone is a free agent, but to deliberately message someone that I was into?

So she drove twice the distance pass my house to hook up with a guy she messaged only an hour earlier, that she knew I was interested in and was making lead way with.
Girlfriend codes were broken on an unforgivable level.

Before you ask me what am I doing still being friends with her, well I'm not. I've blocked her from seeing anything on my facebook (short of de-friending her all together), and went thru her facebook list of friends and harvested any men I thought were worthy. :)
I deleted them shortly there after, cos I didn't want to stoop to her level on a permanent basis. 

She calls me from time to time. I reply in the same amount of time it takes her to reply to me.
And I use her own excuses back on her. 

The following are excuses she's used for not returning calls, msn, texts, or emails.
*Too many electronic options to contact ppl, its overwhelming.
*I didn't get the msg.
*Phone died.
*I didn't have anything to say etc
*Wasn't in the mood to talk.

I took a few lessons from having this girlfriend, friend, person do these things.
So something good came from it.

Huge change & adjustment happening 9 months from now.....

Pick your jaw up off the floor.

If any of you know me, in person or blog only, you’d know that I do not want children.
So to answer your question or insert disappointment upon you, no I am not pregnant.

However my life is changing right now, again in 2 months and more drastically 9 months from now.

Current Change:
Changing the dynamic of a long time friendship after recently being treated and dismissed like a second class friend. I’ll go into the details of it one day, but right now it’s entirely too fresh and sour to get into.
Short version – This person is no longer considered family to me. We’ll still be friends, just not extended family nor a priority friend.

2 month change:
My oldest and dearest friend is in the midst of a messing and hostile separation.
For her own sanity and to prevent injury against herself or her soon to be ex spouse, it’s best she move out immediately.  With that said she may obtain an apt where she is (costly) or move here in January and save money for the big move to follow in June. (She is currently in another province and time zone)

9 month change:
Oldest dearest friend, her 4 kids (maybe only two) and I will be living together in a 5 bedroom house.
I say maybe only two, cos at this point and time, we believe two of her four kids are going to opt to stay with their Dad.

I’m excited and nervous for this change. We have been planning house rules etc for the kids, our dating lives etc. Cos even though I’m not their parent or even an aunt by blood relation, what I do around them is still sending a message. So there will not be random men coming and going from the house, ever.
When male friends come to the house, they will have to act like gentlemen at all times.

The hardest part of the adjustment will be living with the kids.
Not for me, but for the kids and adjusting to the fact that I will have a say in no TV before homework is completed, temporary groundings until their mother gets home etc.
More of a temporary guardian than another parent.

Some of the general house rules that have/will be implemented (subject to change) will be:
-Dinner at the kitchen table every night unless special occasion or to lazy to argue with them.
-Schedule bedtimes during the school week.
-Games night once a month (maybe more).
-A closed bedroom door requires knocking first, no walking in. (for both adults and kids)
-Rotating chores for all the kids and adults. They’re at an age where they should have a part in the household chores.  (Dishes, vacuuming, garbage duty, cleaning bathroom and learning how to do laundry and asking if anyone has anything to add to make a full load)

This is great on paper, and I’m sure will change as we all adjust accordingly to the new living arrangements.
So this is the big change taking place in my life.

As hard and frustrating it will be at times, I’m optimistic for it and all the learning, growing, and adapting it will have to offer.

Friendship Dynamics?

Lately I’ve been having issues with the standards of a friendship.
Petty issue or a friendship dynamic changing?

In my world, my friends live by the same general unwritten rules. Everything is a two way street.
Of course for the most part there are delays for some replies to emails, phone calls, text msg’s, msn, facebook updates, twitter, etc
Due to other obligations like children, shift work, second job, sleep.


I have a friend (who may read this) and we have issues when it comes to communicating.
Here are the issues at hand. You decide….

My opinion is, when I call someone, a reply is in order in a reasonable time frame.
She doesn’t agree.

Here is our last conversation.

Me: hey you’re alive, what new?
Her: Of course I’m alive, stupid question. What’s up?

Me: When I call, emails, text, msn, phone someone for whatever reason (general chat, crisis, confirming plans, making plans) I like a reply. Period.
Her: I’ll reply when I feel like it, or in the mood. We’ve been through this; you know what I’m like….

Me: That’s really not acceptable; I may need/want to talk to YOU specifically about something.
Her: Then say it’s urgent, I’ll reply then. What did you need/want?
If it’s just “hey”, Hey”, how’s it going, how was your day…. I’m not interested in chatting about everyday stuff with anyone, if it’s important/urgent, tell me, I’ll call you.

Me: ummm we’re friends; everyday stuff is a large part of what friendships are. I called to make plans to do something, see what’s new etc….
Her: oh. You can read that on my facebook updates.

Me: I shouldn’t have to. With all the technology available, there is really no reason to never NOT reply.
Her: there are just too many choices, and ways to be contacted, it’s too overwhelming.

Me: That’s a lazy bullshit excuse, no one said you had to use all that is available, pick what works for you, and that is how people will get in touch with you.
Her: nah, they can read about my day to day stuff on facebook, I’ll back to everyone when it suits me.

Me: It may be too late by then.
Her: Oh well.

Her: you shouldn’t be so needy or high maintenance.
Me: My friends are part of my every day to day life and some are my chosen family.
If that makes me needy or high maintenance cos I want to know what is going on in their lives or gawd forbid, make plans with them, then so be it, I’m a high maintenance, needy friend.

Her: okay, glad we agree.
Me: okay, sigh, goodnight, talk to you whenever.


Okay am I living on an alternative planet, or am I high maintenance for thinking common courtesy is expected? I think there is an acceptable time frame for a person to reply and then, there are just bad manners.

Would love the input of all my readers.

Do I continue to try and have a mutual respected friendship, or just accept the fact we’re not on the same “friendship respect page” and let this relationship take fade away to the backseat and stop making her a priority friend in my life?

We’ve been friends for 8 years, and have stopped talking in the past for this exact reason.
She’s a good person, I like to think she is, but can you out grow a person based on something like this that is so easy to fix by just accommodating one another?