Vancouver is on the edge of a continent. We're surrounded by glorious mountains, views and oceans.
Winters are mild never really dipping below -2 EVER!
Summers, being equally beautiful and mild, with normal highs being in the mid 20's sometimes late 20's but never really break that 30 mark.
Last year our winter dipped as low as -17. Unheard of!!! we're not prepared for this kind of weather and everyone knows, the folks in Vancouver can not drive in anything other than dry conditions.
This summer is breaking all sorts of records for BC, and Vancouver alike.
The airport is pretty much on the water or surrounded by it in Richmond and that is where our heat meter is measured from.
It's always cooler by the water, obviously, and warmer inland the further you go into the valley and mountains, the hotter it gets. The previous week has been no exception.
Our daily average high right now at the water is 31. that means inland its a scorching 36 or higher. My apartment thermostat actually broke its little casing holding the mercury in it (think really old buildings) cos it could no longer register the heat. Over 40 degree's in my apt. Although I'm sure the casing broke just cos its old and nothing to do with the heat.
This morning at 630am, it was 28 degrees!!! Who does that?! Seriously where do I live? Toronto? Oh no, cos they are having our summer (different air completely) and bitching about when summer is going to start.
The news has been issuing health warnings and how to take precautions etc...
Elderly, sickly, and obese people to stay indoors, (mostly cos their bodies do not cool the same way as those more fit)
Transit users - wear deodorant, bring lots of water, dress appropriately, cos NOT ONE SINGLE BUS OR TRAIN IS EQUIPPED WITH AIR CONDITIONING!! no shit.
BC Health Authorities took reading from skytrains and buses and the average reading was a whopping 47 degrees on the bus with stagnant air and no a/c.
Taking transit on any day is never fun, especially if it breaks down... add extreme heat to that commute.. ugh. I'm surprised more people are not falling ill.
Some of you are are properly saying, "stop your moaning and bitching".... I would but we're really not acclimatized to this heat. We live on the coast for a reason. Its a wet heat and cold in the seasons, not like our eastern provinces that have tones of dry heavy air and smog.
Since I've moved out of my parents house eons ago, I've been an apartment dweller.
Vancouver doesn't install a/c as a mandatory thing as it does back east.
Here are some of my survival tips if you're unable to afford to go out and buy an air unit.
- Place a bucket of ice in front of a fan in every room. Not the crushed kind, the big party solid blocks of ice. each bag cost about $3
- Keep your tub full of cold water, helps cut the hot air.
- Keep a cold towel (wrung out) on your head, and one on your body when you sleep or anytime you feel you want to keep cool... aim a fan on you with the wet towel.... it seriously works.
- Obviously, keep hydrated, and eat lighter, smaller meals. Fruit, veggies, bread, easy to digest foods. (also helps avoid getting an upset stomach in the heat)
- If you have pets, make sure there is water/food in EVERY room, a wet/damp towel for them to lay on, or fill your tub 1/2 way, so they can hang out at the other end without drowning.
- And if all else fails and you're unable to tolerate the heat anymore, find a friend/family member with a/c and stay with them...
-rent a hotel room
-or if you have really awesome bosses at work, ask about putting together sleeping arrangements in the lunchroom or whatever large communal room that is cool. you'd be surprised how accommodating they can be.
Thursday, 30 July 2009
Tuesday, 28 July 2009
UPDATE OF FAIL/COMPLETED 40 BEFORE 40 LIST
Completed items on 40 things before 40 list.
I still need 4 or 5 more items to add to the list… please suggest something.
#8 – Saturday Night Family/Friend Dinners - FAIL
After much effort, it just seems no one is interested in being part of this. My siblings are a joke. My friends, too lazy to rsvp or couldn’t commit. Seriously? Its on the same day of every month. Plan to be there or don’t. Don’t be wishy-washy about it.
#10 – Be part of a creative photo shoot – Fail.
I declined to be part of this particular shoot after seeing the story board for the shots. For one shot, I just did not see the artist view and found it actually to be degrading towards heavy set people. He said he needed fat people with a sense of humour (which I have) but I also have my self respect and esteem. So I’ve passed.
#16 – Join a Gym – DONE June 2,2009
I hate the gym. Hated it when I worked there. Now I’m a member.
I will love the results, but I’m not there yet.
It is a daily fight to even look at the place when I go by it on the train.
#20 – Learn about personal finances. – On Going Struggle
Since leaving the gym to take another job, I also took a hefty pay cut. (it was a healthy move), however, I’ve never quite adjusted to making $5G less a year. I have to relearn my budget and live within it. Its only been two years and I’m still living paycheck to paycheck with no savings.
#24 – Blog entry of First Dates – The good The Bad The ugly. DONE.
Have a peak at it, there are some doosies in there.
#27 – Family Cabin in September. – Done.
Well not yet, but my tickets are paid for. Booked time off work.
It will be bliss! To wake up to the sound of the lake under the cabin, birds, percolated coffee on the fire pit. Slow cooked meals on the fire pit, lazy days, wine, naps in the sun, kayaking, and most of all SILENCE! No city noise, no computers or phones.
Aaaahhhh… I know you’re all jealous. :)
#34 – No longer needing my siblings acceptance. – DONE.
After the fail family dinner and the responses of WHY they could not attend, I’ve stopped trying to make any effort to be close to my siblings. They most certainly are not trying nor seem to care. So why should I? I have my chosen family and they are blissful human beings.
I still need 4 or 5 more items to add to the list… please suggest something.
#8 – Saturday Night Family/Friend Dinners - FAIL
After much effort, it just seems no one is interested in being part of this. My siblings are a joke. My friends, too lazy to rsvp or couldn’t commit. Seriously? Its on the same day of every month. Plan to be there or don’t. Don’t be wishy-washy about it.
#10 – Be part of a creative photo shoot – Fail.
I declined to be part of this particular shoot after seeing the story board for the shots. For one shot, I just did not see the artist view and found it actually to be degrading towards heavy set people. He said he needed fat people with a sense of humour (which I have) but I also have my self respect and esteem. So I’ve passed.
#16 – Join a Gym – DONE June 2,2009
I hate the gym. Hated it when I worked there. Now I’m a member.
I will love the results, but I’m not there yet.
It is a daily fight to even look at the place when I go by it on the train.
#20 – Learn about personal finances. – On Going Struggle
Since leaving the gym to take another job, I also took a hefty pay cut. (it was a healthy move), however, I’ve never quite adjusted to making $5G less a year. I have to relearn my budget and live within it. Its only been two years and I’m still living paycheck to paycheck with no savings.
#24 – Blog entry of First Dates – The good The Bad The ugly. DONE.
Have a peak at it, there are some doosies in there.
#27 – Family Cabin in September. – Done.
Well not yet, but my tickets are paid for. Booked time off work.
It will be bliss! To wake up to the sound of the lake under the cabin, birds, percolated coffee on the fire pit. Slow cooked meals on the fire pit, lazy days, wine, naps in the sun, kayaking, and most of all SILENCE! No city noise, no computers or phones.
Aaaahhhh… I know you’re all jealous. :)
#34 – No longer needing my siblings acceptance. – DONE.
After the fail family dinner and the responses of WHY they could not attend, I’ve stopped trying to make any effort to be close to my siblings. They most certainly are not trying nor seem to care. So why should I? I have my chosen family and they are blissful human beings.
Tuesday, 21 July 2009
Men Update/Dating Woes
I’ve been told a lot lately “roll with it”. I do its kind of my thing.
Over prepare then “flow with it”. It’s the only way I know how.
Now I’m starting to think the universe is not telling me to roll with it, but to roll over and become a push over, walking mat, whatever else you can become when something/one, says roll over/with it.
I like to think I have reasonable standards for myself, and that for the most part of being an online dater; I’ve become a good judge of character……NOT.
In the last year, I tell you, man CAN I PICK THEM! I’m starting to succumb to the idea that I should lower my standards and what I want, cos I’m not getting it from the men I want it from.
Successful (or on his way), educated (book or worldly, doesn’t matter), funny, handsomely beautiful, silly, dapper dresser for all occasions, stable, (emotionally, mentally, financially). Etc... You get the idea. Am I asking too much? Or trying to date outside my league? I took a line from a movie once that said… “Don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want.”
I’ve tried to live by that. Cos it’s true.
Maybe I’m fighting a path the universe says I’m suppose to experience???
Recap on the last few guys I’ve chatted with that, I THOUGHT, had potential or I liked and they somehow let me down.
DR – is everything I listed above, til he insulted me. That one stung a little more than others, cos I liked him and saw a possible exclusive relationship developing in the future. – deleted.
Island Guy – is now my p/t roommate and not that I saw a future with him. We are not in the same place and he has his own experiences to go thru in life before claiming manhood. He’s 26. Not almost 28 like I thought he was.
EB – New guy, we hit it off, conversation ran smoothly, we covered many, many topics, it seem to have promise. It was easy, really easy.
When I hit it off with someone, I research them. (Maybe this is my problem) I Google them. Of course I don’t tell them, but I hate being lied too or misinformed.
So I Googled EB and turns out he has a facebook profile. We have mutual friends. One being my oldest nephew, who has had a very rough hand at life but has made the best of it. Most people who know him, are directly involved with the scene he lives in. He’s a drug/alcohol counselor for addicts living on the DTES (downtown east side).
EB – calls me last night, mentions he has to share some stuff with me now, not later. He’s a recovering meth addict. (This explains how he knows my nephew) He’s been sober ALMOST a year and had a relapse two weeks ago.
*sigh*
I’m disappointed. Cos we hit it off. He is educated, funny, articulate etc... All the things I like and his pictures on his profile are nice... btw which I learned he didn’t write, it was an ex that wrote it for him. Misleading... Right?
I told him I couldn’t pursue this romantically anymore but would love to continue to chat with him. I have a rule for myself. I will NOT date anyone who hasn’t been sober for an extended period of time. It’s too risky to date them at the beginning. Respectfully accepted my offer.
I know a few things about the program from friends, family and acquaintances in regards to full abstinence from dating and any major life decisions until you pass a year. Every time you relapse, that year starts over. IT DOES! Do not let anyone tell you it doesn’t. That’s the same as being a part time addict. It’s all or nothing.
So not only is my gaydar way off in the last couple years, so is my ability to pick men who wont lie, cheat, insult me or smoke their paycheck to get high.
Over prepare then “flow with it”. It’s the only way I know how.
Now I’m starting to think the universe is not telling me to roll with it, but to roll over and become a push over, walking mat, whatever else you can become when something/one, says roll over/with it.
I like to think I have reasonable standards for myself, and that for the most part of being an online dater; I’ve become a good judge of character……NOT.
In the last year, I tell you, man CAN I PICK THEM! I’m starting to succumb to the idea that I should lower my standards and what I want, cos I’m not getting it from the men I want it from.
Successful (or on his way), educated (book or worldly, doesn’t matter), funny, handsomely beautiful, silly, dapper dresser for all occasions, stable, (emotionally, mentally, financially). Etc... You get the idea. Am I asking too much? Or trying to date outside my league? I took a line from a movie once that said… “Don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want.”
I’ve tried to live by that. Cos it’s true.
Maybe I’m fighting a path the universe says I’m suppose to experience???
Recap on the last few guys I’ve chatted with that, I THOUGHT, had potential or I liked and they somehow let me down.
DR – is everything I listed above, til he insulted me. That one stung a little more than others, cos I liked him and saw a possible exclusive relationship developing in the future. – deleted.
Island Guy – is now my p/t roommate and not that I saw a future with him. We are not in the same place and he has his own experiences to go thru in life before claiming manhood. He’s 26. Not almost 28 like I thought he was.
EB – New guy, we hit it off, conversation ran smoothly, we covered many, many topics, it seem to have promise. It was easy, really easy.
When I hit it off with someone, I research them. (Maybe this is my problem) I Google them. Of course I don’t tell them, but I hate being lied too or misinformed.
So I Googled EB and turns out he has a facebook profile. We have mutual friends. One being my oldest nephew, who has had a very rough hand at life but has made the best of it. Most people who know him, are directly involved with the scene he lives in. He’s a drug/alcohol counselor for addicts living on the DTES (downtown east side).
EB – calls me last night, mentions he has to share some stuff with me now, not later. He’s a recovering meth addict. (This explains how he knows my nephew) He’s been sober ALMOST a year and had a relapse two weeks ago.
*sigh*
I’m disappointed. Cos we hit it off. He is educated, funny, articulate etc... All the things I like and his pictures on his profile are nice... btw which I learned he didn’t write, it was an ex that wrote it for him. Misleading... Right?
I told him I couldn’t pursue this romantically anymore but would love to continue to chat with him. I have a rule for myself. I will NOT date anyone who hasn’t been sober for an extended period of time. It’s too risky to date them at the beginning. Respectfully accepted my offer.
I know a few things about the program from friends, family and acquaintances in regards to full abstinence from dating and any major life decisions until you pass a year. Every time you relapse, that year starts over. IT DOES! Do not let anyone tell you it doesn’t. That’s the same as being a part time addict. It’s all or nothing.
So not only is my gaydar way off in the last couple years, so is my ability to pick men who wont lie, cheat, insult me or smoke their paycheck to get high.
Monday, 13 July 2009
SIBLINGS FOR SALE! FREE TO A GOOD HOME!
Rant.
Not much of anything to say that has any real relevance. Just bitchy.
Things happening in my life at the moment.
ME:
I’m fat. No I’m not being hard on myself, I’m realistic about it.
I’m fat. I am doing something about it, but its discouraging at the same time.
MEN:
Men suck in general. I swear I was a dude in a past life. I’m smarter than most men. And really starting to think there must me SOMETHING about my online profile, that say I’m only looking for booty. *ugh*
Anyone want to take a stab at rewriting it for me?!?!
Send me a msg, I’ll send you my profile link infor in a private email.
SIBLINGS:
I’m NOT a fan of my siblings.
Is there something in the water and they all decided to get uber bitchy at the same time?
My one brother is about to get written off completely.
His oldest son (28) my nephew got married last summer.
Any guess how I found out? FACEBOOK! AFTER THE FACT!..
“Oh but it was just a small wedding” my brother says.
Um ok, you do know they’ve posted pictures of the wedding online and it was anything but small.
THEN I learned the same nephew was expecting a baby. Again…. Any guess I found out? FACEBOOK!
THEN!... yes there is one more. I learned the baby was born this past Friday.. *sigh* by FACEBOOK!
None of my siblings have yet to receive a call regarding the news and all my brother had to say when I called him was, “it’s been a few crazy days.” “
“Really? Cos your wife’s side of the family all know, cos they’ve posted their responses on FACEBOOK!.
So while you’re lovely wife (who we all secretly hate) was making 1000 calls, she couldn’t make 5 more?”
FEELING THE FUCKING LOVE!
So I sent a message to my nephew with my love etc and told him I would call our side of the family for him.. He was so ever grateful.
Anyone guess what the general replies were to the new of a new BABY coming into the world by one of our family members?
“oh, ummm, that’s nice”
WOW, that’s showing some love and support.
Ok I know the saying, you can choose your family etc, or you have to love them but you don’t have to like them etc…
I can disown them? Cut all ties? Cos it doesn’t seem to matter what kind of effort I put in.
FIVE SIBLINGS FOR SALE!
Ranging in age 49-55
They are house broken, but lack common sense and manners.
And probably too old and set in their ways to be retrained.
Free to a reasonably good home.
Any takers?
Not much of anything to say that has any real relevance. Just bitchy.
Things happening in my life at the moment.
ME:
I’m fat. No I’m not being hard on myself, I’m realistic about it.
I’m fat. I am doing something about it, but its discouraging at the same time.
MEN:
Men suck in general. I swear I was a dude in a past life. I’m smarter than most men. And really starting to think there must me SOMETHING about my online profile, that say I’m only looking for booty. *ugh*
Anyone want to take a stab at rewriting it for me?!?!
Send me a msg, I’ll send you my profile link infor in a private email.
SIBLINGS:
I’m NOT a fan of my siblings.
Is there something in the water and they all decided to get uber bitchy at the same time?
My one brother is about to get written off completely.
His oldest son (28) my nephew got married last summer.
Any guess how I found out? FACEBOOK! AFTER THE FACT!..
“Oh but it was just a small wedding” my brother says.
Um ok, you do know they’ve posted pictures of the wedding online and it was anything but small.
THEN I learned the same nephew was expecting a baby. Again…. Any guess I found out? FACEBOOK!
THEN!... yes there is one more. I learned the baby was born this past Friday.. *sigh* by FACEBOOK!
None of my siblings have yet to receive a call regarding the news and all my brother had to say when I called him was, “it’s been a few crazy days.” “
“Really? Cos your wife’s side of the family all know, cos they’ve posted their responses on FACEBOOK!.
So while you’re lovely wife (who we all secretly hate) was making 1000 calls, she couldn’t make 5 more?”
FEELING THE FUCKING LOVE!
So I sent a message to my nephew with my love etc and told him I would call our side of the family for him.. He was so ever grateful.
Anyone guess what the general replies were to the new of a new BABY coming into the world by one of our family members?
“oh, ummm, that’s nice”
WOW, that’s showing some love and support.
Ok I know the saying, you can choose your family etc, or you have to love them but you don’t have to like them etc…
I can disown them? Cut all ties? Cos it doesn’t seem to matter what kind of effort I put in.
FIVE SIBLINGS FOR SALE!
Ranging in age 49-55
They are house broken, but lack common sense and manners.
And probably too old and set in their ways to be retrained.
Free to a reasonably good home.
Any takers?
Sunday, 5 July 2009
Sunday night family dinners = FAIL
(update on family/friends dinner July 13,09)
Well the first dinner is not happening.
Couldnt get anyone to reply.
A few things occured when I realized I must cancel this first dinner....
People's manners SUCK DONKEY ASS!
Embarassed to think, I dont have friends who actually like me enough to RSVP or, too lazy for whatever reason, but then spend all their free time on msn, fb, myspace, twitter, or think they'll just show up.
Feeling the love?
This post is going to make me sound like a hypocrite. I think. You decide.
For some time now, I've been being the change I want to see. If anyone doesn't know this already, It's hard! I'm striving to be more of a consistent person. Something I strongly admire in my friends. I want to be more like them. For the first time since high school or maybe ever, all my friends mesh. They get along with each other, communicate outside of my friendship with them, and I love it!
My family dynamic however, is a different story.
I come from a large family. Being the youngest of 6 was an interesting childhood. I grew up the youngest of us siblings, but due to the age gap, I grew up as an only child.
Best of both worlds...I use to think.
Now I think (strike that) KNOW that the animosity towards me, my up bringing is still there.
I use to look at friends and couldn't imagine families not getting along, they did not like their siblings or family, *gasp* was that even possible?
My siblings are all closer in age, grew up together and were bonded to stand up for each other due to the unfortunate situation surrounding them. (biological dad was an ass)
I grew up with a step father who from my earliest memories has been my dad, always will be.
Before my parents passed away, Sunday Night Dinners in our house were mandatory. No excuses.
If you couldn't make it, you have better been dying, or out of town. Otherwise there was no excuse. Everyone abide by this rule. When my parents passed away, I soon realized my folks were very much the glue that held the family together. Almost immediately after their passing SND's seist to exist.
Now, it's all forced politeness. It was at this point, a year or two later, I realized my siblings don't like me. For YEARS, I strived for their acceptance. I needed that. I wanted that.
My thoughts were when family has issues, the siblings always band together etc... that might be true in some families, it is not in mine. Everyone is "one up on ya" or entirely too selfish.
I few years one sibling made the effort to have a family BBQ, everyone showed up, and without fail, everyone started squabbling.... who got what from the estate etc, who's life is harder etc, oh fuckin woes-is-me.. all of them. "wow so glad I came to this".... I muttered under my breath.
Holy crap! with the looks I was shot, you'd think I had said I killed my parents myself or something. For them, this was normal dynamics. For me, it is not. I found it to be disrespectful in general. There was a reason my parents had the estate settled before they passed away, cos they wanted to avoid this all together and made it clear.... like that is going to stop my siblings.
Over the years, I've made a point of calling them on their birthdays, calling for no reason, just to say Hi (which is usually followed by the question "do you need something?") and never expecting anything in return. cos they're usually to "busy" to even call back and say thanks.
Feeling the love yet?
I gave up. I no longer make the calls, (okay I do for two of them)I no longer have the need to get their acceptance, approval, or even need them to like me. Now, that I'm no longer making any efforts, they will call and instead of asking how *I* am, first words out of their mouths are usually along the lines of "hey you didn't call on my birthday", my first reply back is usually, "I'm doing good, thanks for asking". Some will say sorry, others just laugh and get to the point of what they want.
On my 40 things to do before 40, one of those #8, is to start Family Dinner night.
With the stipulation that people actually attend. I put out the emails, calls, return calls. No reply.
I got one reply from a friend, who jumped for joy that I was making this effort and she would be there with bells on. This reaction from this friend doesn't surprise me, cos she has her own family dynamics's that I understand more than I care too.
I finally reached one sibling, only cos her husband called me then passed the phone to her.
(I love her husband, he gets it. and wishes for us all to get along, so I thank him for taking the action, even sneakily to get her to reply) We chat for all of 10 seconds, before she replies. "we can't make it." When I ask why, she says they're busy. I press some more to find out they will be out of town for a few weeks. ..
"that's fine, and the following months?"
her reply: "I don't know"
"well that's really not acceptable, It's on the same weekend every month, either you chose to be there or you don't, you cant tell me you have plans on the third Sunday of every month from now til the end of time"
Her reply: "no we won't be attending, cos *I* just don't want to"
"feeling the love" (of course there was a whole lot more said, but some things need to remain private) anyone with siblings knows how ugly a conversation can turn.
Although that phone call hurt, it doesn't surprise me coming from the source it did.
This same sibling told me two years ago, she wanted access to my bank accounts etc, cos she wanted to make sure I "get back on the right track".... I'm sorry?
I'm employed f/t on my 4th job in 20 years, I live alone, roof over my head, never hungry, not into drugs, I don't have any bad habits, but I need to get back on the "right track". Fuck you.
Apparently in her eyes, at my age...
cos I still rent, don't own, not married or have an exclusive boyfriend to mention of, I'm used goods. She is one to talk, 3 marriages in 20 years, all before she was 38, with men 12 years her senior, but you know, I'm off track.
It's been a month since I put out the first of phone calls, emails etc for this first dinner... only one replied. *sigh* SO again, I give up. I will not be making further efforts to stay in touch. Make peace. I'm at peace with my decision.
Now this is where I turn into a hypocrite.
Although I don't like MY siblings, is it wrong to say that family is important to me?
I love my family back east. They are what families are all about. They hang out with each other cos they like on another, not cos of traditions.
I mean, my friends have become my chosen family, and I couldn't be more thankful for their love, support, just because phone calls, ears to scream into, love without judgement or expecting anything in return, we're there for each other when favors are called upon, and never asking "what are you going to do for me in return?" cos to me, that is what family does. They support, love, be there, just because.
Sunday night dinners will still commence, but with my chosen family. :)
They are my life. My friends. My family.
Actually this is turn into Saturday Night Dinners, then no pressure to leave early etc cos the next day is a work day.
Are there rules for 40 before 40?
I mean #8 is a bust, sort of, does it still count if it's been tweaked?
Well the first dinner is not happening.
Couldnt get anyone to reply.
A few things occured when I realized I must cancel this first dinner....
People's manners SUCK DONKEY ASS!
Embarassed to think, I dont have friends who actually like me enough to RSVP or, too lazy for whatever reason, but then spend all their free time on msn, fb, myspace, twitter, or think they'll just show up.
Feeling the love?
This post is going to make me sound like a hypocrite. I think. You decide.
For some time now, I've been being the change I want to see. If anyone doesn't know this already, It's hard! I'm striving to be more of a consistent person. Something I strongly admire in my friends. I want to be more like them. For the first time since high school or maybe ever, all my friends mesh. They get along with each other, communicate outside of my friendship with them, and I love it!
My family dynamic however, is a different story.
I come from a large family. Being the youngest of 6 was an interesting childhood. I grew up the youngest of us siblings, but due to the age gap, I grew up as an only child.
Best of both worlds...I use to think.
Now I think (strike that) KNOW that the animosity towards me, my up bringing is still there.
I use to look at friends and couldn't imagine families not getting along, they did not like their siblings or family, *gasp* was that even possible?
My siblings are all closer in age, grew up together and were bonded to stand up for each other due to the unfortunate situation surrounding them. (biological dad was an ass)
I grew up with a step father who from my earliest memories has been my dad, always will be.
Before my parents passed away, Sunday Night Dinners in our house were mandatory. No excuses.
If you couldn't make it, you have better been dying, or out of town. Otherwise there was no excuse. Everyone abide by this rule. When my parents passed away, I soon realized my folks were very much the glue that held the family together. Almost immediately after their passing SND's seist to exist.
Now, it's all forced politeness. It was at this point, a year or two later, I realized my siblings don't like me. For YEARS, I strived for their acceptance. I needed that. I wanted that.
My thoughts were when family has issues, the siblings always band together etc... that might be true in some families, it is not in mine. Everyone is "one up on ya" or entirely too selfish.
I few years one sibling made the effort to have a family BBQ, everyone showed up, and without fail, everyone started squabbling.... who got what from the estate etc, who's life is harder etc, oh fuckin woes-is-me.. all of them. "wow so glad I came to this".... I muttered under my breath.
Holy crap! with the looks I was shot, you'd think I had said I killed my parents myself or something. For them, this was normal dynamics. For me, it is not. I found it to be disrespectful in general. There was a reason my parents had the estate settled before they passed away, cos they wanted to avoid this all together and made it clear.... like that is going to stop my siblings.
Over the years, I've made a point of calling them on their birthdays, calling for no reason, just to say Hi (which is usually followed by the question "do you need something?") and never expecting anything in return. cos they're usually to "busy" to even call back and say thanks.
Feeling the love yet?
I gave up. I no longer make the calls, (okay I do for two of them)I no longer have the need to get their acceptance, approval, or even need them to like me. Now, that I'm no longer making any efforts, they will call and instead of asking how *I* am, first words out of their mouths are usually along the lines of "hey you didn't call on my birthday", my first reply back is usually, "I'm doing good, thanks for asking". Some will say sorry, others just laugh and get to the point of what they want.
On my 40 things to do before 40, one of those #8, is to start Family Dinner night.
With the stipulation that people actually attend. I put out the emails, calls, return calls. No reply.
I got one reply from a friend, who jumped for joy that I was making this effort and she would be there with bells on. This reaction from this friend doesn't surprise me, cos she has her own family dynamics's that I understand more than I care too.
I finally reached one sibling, only cos her husband called me then passed the phone to her.
(I love her husband, he gets it. and wishes for us all to get along, so I thank him for taking the action, even sneakily to get her to reply) We chat for all of 10 seconds, before she replies. "we can't make it." When I ask why, she says they're busy. I press some more to find out they will be out of town for a few weeks. ..
"that's fine, and the following months?"
her reply: "I don't know"
"well that's really not acceptable, It's on the same weekend every month, either you chose to be there or you don't, you cant tell me you have plans on the third Sunday of every month from now til the end of time"
Her reply: "no we won't be attending, cos *I* just don't want to"
"feeling the love" (of course there was a whole lot more said, but some things need to remain private) anyone with siblings knows how ugly a conversation can turn.
Although that phone call hurt, it doesn't surprise me coming from the source it did.
This same sibling told me two years ago, she wanted access to my bank accounts etc, cos she wanted to make sure I "get back on the right track".... I'm sorry?
I'm employed f/t on my 4th job in 20 years, I live alone, roof over my head, never hungry, not into drugs, I don't have any bad habits, but I need to get back on the "right track". Fuck you.
Apparently in her eyes, at my age...
cos I still rent, don't own, not married or have an exclusive boyfriend to mention of, I'm used goods. She is one to talk, 3 marriages in 20 years, all before she was 38, with men 12 years her senior, but you know, I'm off track.
It's been a month since I put out the first of phone calls, emails etc for this first dinner... only one replied. *sigh* SO again, I give up. I will not be making further efforts to stay in touch. Make peace. I'm at peace with my decision.
Now this is where I turn into a hypocrite.
Although I don't like MY siblings, is it wrong to say that family is important to me?
I love my family back east. They are what families are all about. They hang out with each other cos they like on another, not cos of traditions.
I mean, my friends have become my chosen family, and I couldn't be more thankful for their love, support, just because phone calls, ears to scream into, love without judgement or expecting anything in return, we're there for each other when favors are called upon, and never asking "what are you going to do for me in return?" cos to me, that is what family does. They support, love, be there, just because.
Sunday night dinners will still commence, but with my chosen family. :)
They are my life. My friends. My family.
Actually this is turn into Saturday Night Dinners, then no pressure to leave early etc cos the next day is a work day.
Are there rules for 40 before 40?
I mean #8 is a bust, sort of, does it still count if it's been tweaked?
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