There are a few blogs I read and I have to admit, I don't always read them for the context, I read a few of them for their writing style and fluent grace.
With that being said, some of those blogs who I did not start off reading for enjoyment, have indeed blessed me with some great words, challenge my thoughts, inspire me to be more creative in more than just my writing, which we all know needs something at times.
When I was younger, I was always told by friends and some siblings that I was "strange, or weird, maybe even odd" for the way my brain worked at times, whether it was the writings that would spew from my mind of chaos at the time or something to do with combining dance/gymnastics. (at the time the two were rarely messed together). For as long as I can remember, I've been journaling, by paper, by typewriter, and now of course, computer.
I believe when we were younger people called the "diaries". I've never called it that, cos it was never about if a boy liked me, and my entries never started off with "Dear Diary" etc. It's always been a source of venting, and somewhat creative.
I remember on two separate occasions;
1) turning in a personal journal entry as a paper in Gr 6 and won an award for most creative writing skills for my age.
2) Gr12 English, we were told to draw a piece of paper from a hat, and whatever the word was, that had to be the topic of our essay. There was probably a word cap, I do not remember.
I pulled the word "risk" and was to write about what I thought the word "risk" meant.
I sat there for an hour, becoming increasingly annoyed as the teacher would walk by our desks and tap on mine, whispering, "write something Samantha or you're going to fail"... dirty looks spewing at him every time he looked at me. What that teacher didn't know, was, I was done my essay the second I drew the topic. The paper was handed in at the end of the class, only with the title at the top, and my signature at the bottom.
A week later I was called into the principles office, to explain my shitty attitude to my teacher (his words- and at his request of course) I've never had an issue telling my authorities where to go or standing up for myself, cos I'm not one to be bullied. Not then, Not now.
Walking in, I was shocked to see half the staffing facility sitting there waiting for me.
For the first time, I was scared, not only for my grade.
A few looked impressed & glad to see me, that teacher, ugh. asshole. looking smug.
They sat me down and started talking. I don't remember what was said cos I was tuning out the "blah blah blah" for the most part until I heard the principle say, he and the facility took a vote and agreed, I was graded unfairly. They were over turning the grade the English teacher wanted to give me. As it turned out, all the staffing facility BUT the English teacher understood the paper I handed in.
"Risk" by definition to me, was handing the paper in blank. I got my first "A" in English.
I haven't felt that kind of creativity in my writing for a very long time. Granted, I'm using this blog to write about daily life etc, and do have another private blog that was powered by angst, heat of the moment feelings, extremely uncensored. That was some of my best work. You could feel the emotion in most of it, however I did not like the place a lot of came from.
I used that blog as a way to manage my sanity from losing my parents and life changing over all.
Not to mention the unconditional support I received from strangers who've become online friends. They've read the most uncensored, off kilter things coming from my brain and still talk to me. Those are great people. Its just a shame they all live on other continents. Thank Gawd for msn, skype, and web cams. We've grown together, become friends, invites to weddings, sharing family and new additions to the family via cams, its been a very surreal journey.
Now I'm on a different one, one for the stability of my future, my life, health, and over all growing into a better person. (constantly building character I didn't know I needed)
before my parents passed, I always felt I was on a different creative level than most of the people I hung out with. I was either smarter in ways, or just different. I've never really been one to beat to the drum society has said we should follow. Life changes. Siblings, parents, grandparents, children, friends, all die. That sounds harsh, I know. But when someone close to you dies, it has the ability to rock you to the core and change your very being. (and for those who do not know, it does NOT get easier with time, it gets different.)
With that said, since the passing of loved ones in my life, I changed. I just went along with the drum beat laid out before me, cos well, it was easier than following my own beat. For awhile.
Its been 11 years, and my friends have changed, views on the world, my own wants. I've learned things about myself I did not like, I learn things about my friends at the time that I no longer respected. My writing changed. It seems almost forced and edited for the most part.
I'm no longer writing from a darker place, cos I don't have too. But I've lost my style.
I've been reading those blogs, stealing styles etc, and hoping that eventually, it would naturally develop into something more... me. Shows my personality, what creativity I have left.
So please forgive the follow year of entries and cluster of different styles as I move forward and try to retap into what once drove me, and that I will once again hear that drum beat that is unique to me.
Wednesday, 24 June 2009
Sunday, 21 June 2009
hmph.
Been feeling old this past month and really haven't been able to articulate those feelings.
Went out this past weekend to a friends band and I'm truly exhausted from all the laughing that was had... good times.
A conversation I had with a friend from the band, was all about how he turned 37 last year and something in his life shifted. His romantic interests had changed, and the chase of dating to pass the time was getting old. He now has a wonderful g/f who we all adore! In short, he was able to clear so much up for me, without him even knowing how I've been feeling.
Dating men younger than me or even the same age, who don't know what they want is no longer acceptable. I've been trying to be the future awesome g/f of compromise, I simply can not do it anymore. I'll compromise with a exclusive b/f when I have one.. not before.
I just realized how that sounded, but I'm sure you get the point I'm trying to make.
Its about my wants now. I have specific deal breakers.
...So I rewrote my profile, hoping to attract a different caliber of man.
This year has been hard for everything. Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Birthdays, etc... its all just very hard. Lots of tears. I'm making changes in my life to be a better me, and as easy as that sounds, I some how feel I've lost myself. I'm not sure I know who I am anymore....is this normal?
I know what I want in life, just not having someone special to share it with is getting tiresome. I do not want to 40 and single. It shouldn't matter but it wont stop people from wondering what is wrong with, almost 40 and never been married. I'm used goods.
Joining a gym was the first step to making some changes for me to like myself again.
Not just for my health, but to feel bettter. I'm not liking a lot of things at the moment. I do not like the decor of my apt, my clothes, the fact I dont have a car anymore, my weight, I guess overall I my self esteem is taking a hit, cos I thought I'd be in a different place by 35. I'm still feeling my age right now.
Went out this past weekend to a friends band and I'm truly exhausted from all the laughing that was had... good times.
A conversation I had with a friend from the band, was all about how he turned 37 last year and something in his life shifted. His romantic interests had changed, and the chase of dating to pass the time was getting old. He now has a wonderful g/f who we all adore! In short, he was able to clear so much up for me, without him even knowing how I've been feeling.
Dating men younger than me or even the same age, who don't know what they want is no longer acceptable. I've been trying to be the future awesome g/f of compromise, I simply can not do it anymore. I'll compromise with a exclusive b/f when I have one.. not before.
I just realized how that sounded, but I'm sure you get the point I'm trying to make.
Its about my wants now. I have specific deal breakers.
...So I rewrote my profile, hoping to attract a different caliber of man.
This year has been hard for everything. Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Birthdays, etc... its all just very hard. Lots of tears. I'm making changes in my life to be a better me, and as easy as that sounds, I some how feel I've lost myself. I'm not sure I know who I am anymore....is this normal?
I know what I want in life, just not having someone special to share it with is getting tiresome. I do not want to 40 and single. It shouldn't matter but it wont stop people from wondering what is wrong with, almost 40 and never been married. I'm used goods.
Joining a gym was the first step to making some changes for me to like myself again.
Not just for my health, but to feel bettter. I'm not liking a lot of things at the moment. I do not like the decor of my apt, my clothes, the fact I dont have a car anymore, my weight, I guess overall I my self esteem is taking a hit, cos I thought I'd be in a different place by 35. I'm still feeling my age right now.
Thursday, 18 June 2009
Celebrate growing older...45 Lessons life IS teaching me....
I recieved the below in an email today. Funny how the timing works, cos I'm in a funk and needed to hear a lot of the following.
Its not too sappy, have a read, take from it what you will.
I've inserted my own comments in brackets back to the person who sent it.
Copy it, pass it on, I don't care. It's here for everyone.
Enjoy.
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. (good point)
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...(I wish this was easier to do)
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch. (I do, however it hasnt been a two way street lately)
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.(*cough*)
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. (Thanks, that helps)
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
(wish someone had told me that when I was 15)
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is
all about. (love this! soooo true, I need to stop being such a bitch)
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.(touche)
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never
blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.(this includes people)
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.(ahmen)
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, save it for a special occasion. Today is special. (I drink from crystal glasses everyday now)
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.(I live by this rule, it my quirk, it's what I'm known for)
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
(Hi Red Hat Society Ladies)
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.(hello to the penis in my brain)
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. (I fight with this one often)
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words. In five years, will this matter?'( oh thank gawd for this one, I needed to hear that)
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.(really?)
30. Time heals almost everything. (almost)
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
(harder said than done, but a valid point)
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back. (probably, thanks)
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.(this is true, hard not to want more)
42. The best is yet to come.(I hope so)
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
(yes sir... will try harder from now on)
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a "gift."
A holy man was having a conversation with God one day and said, ‘God, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'
God led the holy man to two doors...
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man’s mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished.
They were holding spoons with very long handles, that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.
But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
God said, 'You have seen Hell.'
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, 'I don't understand...'
'It is simple,' said God. 'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'
I really like the last line of this whole post...
Its not too sappy, have a read, take from it what you will.
I've inserted my own comments in brackets back to the person who sent it.
Copy it, pass it on, I don't care. It's here for everyone.
Enjoy.
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. (good point)
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...(I wish this was easier to do)
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch. (I do, however it hasnt been a two way street lately)
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.(*cough*)
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. (Thanks, that helps)
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
(wish someone had told me that when I was 15)
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is
all about. (love this! soooo true, I need to stop being such a bitch)
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.(touche)
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never
blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.(this includes people)
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.(ahmen)
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, save it for a special occasion. Today is special. (I drink from crystal glasses everyday now)
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.(I live by this rule, it my quirk, it's what I'm known for)
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
(Hi Red Hat Society Ladies)
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.(hello to the penis in my brain)
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. (I fight with this one often)
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words. In five years, will this matter?'( oh thank gawd for this one, I needed to hear that)
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.(really?)
30. Time heals almost everything. (almost)
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
(harder said than done, but a valid point)
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back. (probably, thanks)
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.(this is true, hard not to want more)
42. The best is yet to come.(I hope so)
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
(yes sir... will try harder from now on)
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a "gift."
A holy man was having a conversation with God one day and said, ‘God, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'
God led the holy man to two doors...
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man’s mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished.
They were holding spoons with very long handles, that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.
But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
God said, 'You have seen Hell.'
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, 'I don't understand...'
'It is simple,' said God. 'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'
I really like the last line of this whole post...
Thursday, 11 June 2009
Ever feel OLD?
I feel my age today.
A little short w/people, not amused with the 20-something crowd I work with.
I have no *ha-ha* bone today. On the very serious side of things and I'm going to blame it on the face I haven't slept in sometime. I finally caved in and went and got some more sleeping pills. I've suffered from insomnia for many years, the more time goes by, the longer time apart are the episodes.
Anyone who's had this issue, knows what the signs are for themselves. Mine, are, my speech impediment will start to show, my eye will twitch to the point of people thinking I have a tick or something. At this point, I know its time to get some assistance from prescription narcotics.
Maybe I feel old, cos I'm getting over the drama of my life and stepping up and being an adult. Taking charge of my finances, my future, the people in it etc.. I don't have the options of falling back on anyone to bail me out, so really this is it. Being, acting responsible for myself.
I'm still dorky, nerdy, and charming as hell, its part of my charm, or at least that's what I call it. lol
Growing up sucks. What can I tell you?
Right now, surviving the day, going home doing chores seems like asking a lot lately.
~I'm up at 530AM out of the house by 630(at the latest)
~work 720-5pm, commute home by 6 ish.
~Do chores of dishes from the night before, bathroom cleaning before the weekend etc
~Bathe (what do you mean I have to take my clothes off, get into the tub, get out, and get dressed AGAIN?!!... that's asking a lot, I'll shower tomorrow...maybe)
~Make something to eat so I do not parish overnight(with my girth that's unlikely)
~return emails, phone calls, etc...
~and plant my ass on the couch for the rest of the night.
sometimes I'm not settling in for the night til 8-830, yes it's early, but when you're not sleeping it may as well be midnight.
I can not even humuor the idea of going out at night with friends for drinks etc.. I'm that TIRED. (last two nights I've been in bed by 9-930) ugh. I"M OLD.
I wonder if this is how its starts for elderly people?
At what point does a person of a certain age over 40, 50, 60, 70 wake up and decide, "I'm going to get up at 4am, eat dinner at 4pm, and go to bed by 6pm"... is this how it all starts? cos if is, I'm freakin hooped.
Hopefully this will pass. I can be an adult and not feel like an elderly one.
A little short w/people, not amused with the 20-something crowd I work with.
I have no *ha-ha* bone today. On the very serious side of things and I'm going to blame it on the face I haven't slept in sometime. I finally caved in and went and got some more sleeping pills. I've suffered from insomnia for many years, the more time goes by, the longer time apart are the episodes.
Anyone who's had this issue, knows what the signs are for themselves. Mine, are, my speech impediment will start to show, my eye will twitch to the point of people thinking I have a tick or something. At this point, I know its time to get some assistance from prescription narcotics.
Maybe I feel old, cos I'm getting over the drama of my life and stepping up and being an adult. Taking charge of my finances, my future, the people in it etc.. I don't have the options of falling back on anyone to bail me out, so really this is it. Being, acting responsible for myself.
I'm still dorky, nerdy, and charming as hell, its part of my charm, or at least that's what I call it. lol
Growing up sucks. What can I tell you?
Right now, surviving the day, going home doing chores seems like asking a lot lately.
~I'm up at 530AM out of the house by 630(at the latest)
~work 720-5pm, commute home by 6 ish.
~Do chores of dishes from the night before, bathroom cleaning before the weekend etc
~Bathe (what do you mean I have to take my clothes off, get into the tub, get out, and get dressed AGAIN?!!... that's asking a lot, I'll shower tomorrow...maybe)
~Make something to eat so I do not parish overnight(with my girth that's unlikely)
~return emails, phone calls, etc...
~and plant my ass on the couch for the rest of the night.
sometimes I'm not settling in for the night til 8-830, yes it's early, but when you're not sleeping it may as well be midnight.
I can not even humuor the idea of going out at night with friends for drinks etc.. I'm that TIRED. (last two nights I've been in bed by 9-930) ugh. I"M OLD.
I wonder if this is how its starts for elderly people?
At what point does a person of a certain age over 40, 50, 60, 70 wake up and decide, "I'm going to get up at 4am, eat dinner at 4pm, and go to bed by 6pm"... is this how it all starts? cos if is, I'm freakin hooped.
Hopefully this will pass. I can be an adult and not feel like an elderly one.
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
Updated 40 things before 40 - need help with the last nine
I'm up to 31 items now.
Have ANY idea how hard it is to come up with 40 things?
If you're going to do one of these list, I strongly recommend you do it before you turn 30, 31, 32, pick your year etc... The older you get the harder its becoming, cos I've done a lot already.
9 more to go. I need help. Suggestions please.
Have ANY idea how hard it is to come up with 40 things?
If you're going to do one of these list, I strongly recommend you do it before you turn 30, 31, 32, pick your year etc... The older you get the harder its becoming, cos I've done a lot already.
9 more to go. I need help. Suggestions please.
Thursday, 4 June 2009
The Good. The Bad. The Ugly.
I’m an online dater.
Have been on and off for a few years now. I take a break from the site I use when the wacky ones start messaging me and I think… “Really, this is all I can attract?” ugh.
I’ve had some pretty good first dates, and unfortunately more bad ones, some short lived romances and more so, made more male friends/acquaintances.
In no particular order there are some of my FIRST dates. The Good The Bad The Ugly.
~ Went to the island (I’m in LOVE with Island men) and went camping with DG.
Originally that trip was suppose to be the two us, but ended up being a g/f visiting me from Ontario, and his b/f. It rained so hard I had to throw out my tent. We ended up sleeping 3 out of the 4 of us in a van squished together.
~Island boy – watched hockey, ate lasagna, walked the dog, and drank beers. He now lives with me p/t for his job. (Oh and has a new g/f)
~ I will usually take men out to the driving range so I can stare at their hinnies and beers for my dates. (Yes I even pay at times) my poor golf instructor liked me (it was mutual) and would see me bring these dates a few times a week etc.
~ Built a couch fort, got into our jammies, ate crap and watched movies all night like little kids.
GREAT TIME!
~~ Hiking around Rocky Point near my house, great date, good times.
Til we were on our way to meet up with some of my friends at a local pub. My date was pulled over by police and arrested. (We were in separate cars)
Turns out he was:
1) Out past curfew
2) Reporting missing from his HALFWAY HOME
3) Was a recovery drug addict
4) Had a box of needles in his back seat (which actually turned out to be his aunts…when….
5) His aunt reported her car STOLEN, and needed the needles for her diabetes
6) Yes there is a sixth… he was only 20 not 28 that he said he was (he looked 28)
The police said they would release him to ME if I would drive him home, otherwise he was going to jail and the car was being towed (it was already hoisted up) Of course my first thought was to ask if I was in any danger and explained we were on a first date etc. The cop took some pity on the kid and told me to give him a few minutes cos he was crying in the back of squad car.
Ya I drove him home, and he actually had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to see him again…. FML (fuck my life)
~ Met one guy, had the best manners and wooing technique EVER!! Went to dinner, instant sexual connection…. Use your imagination.
It was the longest 18 hour date ever! :) We're still friends.
~ One date picked me up, in steel toes boots, torn sweats and shirt. I asked if he had just come from work and he said “NO”. Longest 3 hours of my life. When he excused himself from the table (he actually just got up and walked away) the table beside us (maybe barely in their 20’s couple) the young man leaned over and quietly suggested, “I think you should get a headache before he returns”…. MADE MY NIGHT! And I promptly did that. I never thought I’d be one to use an excuse to get out of a date, I’m usually direct.
~ Another dinner date. This one was in an up and coming band in Vancouver, successful already in the USA. I’m not impressed with ego’s and rock stars, although I seem to date a few.
He sang to me at dinner. Ugh. FML
~ Another rock star wannabe, or so I thought.
Our first conversation on the phone he asked me what I thought of his profile etc, I laughed, cos his occupation was “musician”. “Great, another guy who thinks he’s an effin rock star”. Since then we’d been out with once or twice, he came over late one night ( my intentions were not honourable – giggle) we’re smooching on the couch and listening to music when I can feel his face getting red. Really Red. As it turns out, the song playing at the time was HIS! So ummmm ya, rock star. A successful one at that. I was more embarrassed cos I wasn’t a fan. Only liked the one song.
~ Second coffee date with Mr Comedian. Our first date was good, mostly cos I couldn’t stop laughing; he was a Brit, moved here a month earlier. I love dry wit.
We meet at my coffee house were I’m a regular and everyone knows my name etc... He instantly suggests we “go back to my place” with a creepy tone. NO Thanks! I don’t have men in my apt until later on (lie but he doesn’t need to know that) long story short, he’s a grown man and threw a foot stomping hissy fit. YES HE DID! I stood there waiting for the punch line as onlookers gawked, the punch line never game. I left him there. I called a cop friend working around the corner and went and took him a coffee til I was sure Brit boy was gone.
~ Best for last.
FIRST guy I ever met from this site. He’d been traveling for a few months before we met. When he got home, (we’d been on webcam a lot during that time) we made plans to hang out.
The man is beautiful!!! Other men strive to be him! Women throw themselves at him. And yet he really has no idea how freaking ridiculously handsome he is…
He knew I was nervous since this was my first time meeting anyone from a site, made plans to meet up at his house and go out from there.
I arrive, bottle in hand, and he answers the door… NAKED! Yup naked.
If I had not been on cam with him a thousand times and knew what a jokester he was, I would have run screaming from the building. (Although if you could see him, you wouldn’t of) He invited me in, poured me a glass of wine and acted like nothing was out of order. (He did this to break the ice) he got dressed we had a good laugh and went out for sushi.
Went back to his place and I promptly football tackled him to the ground… long night :) It was our one and only date. We’ve been friends 4 years now.
Have been on and off for a few years now. I take a break from the site I use when the wacky ones start messaging me and I think… “Really, this is all I can attract?” ugh.
I’ve had some pretty good first dates, and unfortunately more bad ones, some short lived romances and more so, made more male friends/acquaintances.
In no particular order there are some of my FIRST dates. The Good The Bad The Ugly.
~ Went to the island (I’m in LOVE with Island men) and went camping with DG.
Originally that trip was suppose to be the two us, but ended up being a g/f visiting me from Ontario, and his b/f. It rained so hard I had to throw out my tent. We ended up sleeping 3 out of the 4 of us in a van squished together.
~Island boy – watched hockey, ate lasagna, walked the dog, and drank beers. He now lives with me p/t for his job. (Oh and has a new g/f)
~ I will usually take men out to the driving range so I can stare at their hinnies and beers for my dates. (Yes I even pay at times) my poor golf instructor liked me (it was mutual) and would see me bring these dates a few times a week etc.
~ Built a couch fort, got into our jammies, ate crap and watched movies all night like little kids.
GREAT TIME!
~~ Hiking around Rocky Point near my house, great date, good times.
Til we were on our way to meet up with some of my friends at a local pub. My date was pulled over by police and arrested. (We were in separate cars)
Turns out he was:
1) Out past curfew
2) Reporting missing from his HALFWAY HOME
3) Was a recovery drug addict
4) Had a box of needles in his back seat (which actually turned out to be his aunts…when….
5) His aunt reported her car STOLEN, and needed the needles for her diabetes
6) Yes there is a sixth… he was only 20 not 28 that he said he was (he looked 28)
The police said they would release him to ME if I would drive him home, otherwise he was going to jail and the car was being towed (it was already hoisted up) Of course my first thought was to ask if I was in any danger and explained we were on a first date etc. The cop took some pity on the kid and told me to give him a few minutes cos he was crying in the back of squad car.
Ya I drove him home, and he actually had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to see him again…. FML (fuck my life)
~ Met one guy, had the best manners and wooing technique EVER!! Went to dinner, instant sexual connection…. Use your imagination.
It was the longest 18 hour date ever! :) We're still friends.
~ One date picked me up, in steel toes boots, torn sweats and shirt. I asked if he had just come from work and he said “NO”. Longest 3 hours of my life. When he excused himself from the table (he actually just got up and walked away) the table beside us (maybe barely in their 20’s couple) the young man leaned over and quietly suggested, “I think you should get a headache before he returns”…. MADE MY NIGHT! And I promptly did that. I never thought I’d be one to use an excuse to get out of a date, I’m usually direct.
~ Another dinner date. This one was in an up and coming band in Vancouver, successful already in the USA. I’m not impressed with ego’s and rock stars, although I seem to date a few.
He sang to me at dinner. Ugh. FML
~ Another rock star wannabe, or so I thought.
Our first conversation on the phone he asked me what I thought of his profile etc, I laughed, cos his occupation was “musician”. “Great, another guy who thinks he’s an effin rock star”. Since then we’d been out with once or twice, he came over late one night ( my intentions were not honourable – giggle) we’re smooching on the couch and listening to music when I can feel his face getting red. Really Red. As it turns out, the song playing at the time was HIS! So ummmm ya, rock star. A successful one at that. I was more embarrassed cos I wasn’t a fan. Only liked the one song.
~ Second coffee date with Mr Comedian. Our first date was good, mostly cos I couldn’t stop laughing; he was a Brit, moved here a month earlier. I love dry wit.
We meet at my coffee house were I’m a regular and everyone knows my name etc... He instantly suggests we “go back to my place” with a creepy tone. NO Thanks! I don’t have men in my apt until later on (lie but he doesn’t need to know that) long story short, he’s a grown man and threw a foot stomping hissy fit. YES HE DID! I stood there waiting for the punch line as onlookers gawked, the punch line never game. I left him there. I called a cop friend working around the corner and went and took him a coffee til I was sure Brit boy was gone.
~ Best for last.
FIRST guy I ever met from this site. He’d been traveling for a few months before we met. When he got home, (we’d been on webcam a lot during that time) we made plans to hang out.
The man is beautiful!!! Other men strive to be him! Women throw themselves at him. And yet he really has no idea how freaking ridiculously handsome he is…
He knew I was nervous since this was my first time meeting anyone from a site, made plans to meet up at his house and go out from there.
I arrive, bottle in hand, and he answers the door… NAKED! Yup naked.
If I had not been on cam with him a thousand times and knew what a jokester he was, I would have run screaming from the building. (Although if you could see him, you wouldn’t of) He invited me in, poured me a glass of wine and acted like nothing was out of order. (He did this to break the ice) he got dressed we had a good laugh and went out for sushi.
Went back to his place and I promptly football tackled him to the ground… long night :) It was our one and only date. We’ve been friends 4 years now.
Blogs YOU should read!
Today is my Friday and I'm stealing this idea from Twitter.
Follow Friday.
Below is a list of blogs I read, who make me laugh out loud, inspire me on so many levels, make me cry, and seriously help me pass the time at work while "looking busy" when its slow.
http://jessetucker.squarespace.com
http://lasweetpetite.blogspot.com
http://muleos.blogspot.com
www.freshnessfactorfivethousand.blogspot.com
www.jennsylvania.com
www.thenakedredhead.com
www.shankman.com
http://ababeinthemaking.blogspot.com
Follow Friday.
Below is a list of blogs I read, who make me laugh out loud, inspire me on so many levels, make me cry, and seriously help me pass the time at work while "looking busy" when its slow.
http://jessetucker.squarespace.com
http://lasweetpetite.blogspot.com
http://muleos.blogspot.com
www.freshnessfactorfivethousand.blogspot.com
www.jennsylvania.com
www.thenakedredhead.com
www.shankman.com
http://ababeinthemaking.blogspot.com
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
40 Things Before Turning 40 ~ The list 1-35 so far
Here is my list so far.... Please feel free to suggest things as I'm actually stuck as to what to add to my list....
40 before 40
In no particular order….and three years to get it done
1. Get a passport
2. Cook lasagna from scratch
3. Lose weight max of 80 lbs
4. Find and live with a exclusive spouse
5. Buy a newer car (mid suv)within 6 years of the current year.
6. Move to the island
7. Buy a NEW king size bed
8. Create Sunday dinners w/family/closest friends (first dinner July 19th)
(this is conditional, based getting people to attend)
9. Buy a Bbq
10. Be part of a creative photo shoot. (July 2009)
11. Get an enhanced drivers license (August 2009)
12. Learn to snowboard (I’ve lived in Vancouver my whole life never gone)*gasp*
13. Conquer the Grouse Grind again under 1.15 hours
14. Go snowshoeing
15. Spend considerable more time by the ocean. (since I live on the edge of the continent/pacific ocean is only 30 minutes from home)
16. Join a gym and attend (June 2,2009)DONE!
17. Buy my first set of golf clubs (taylormade- hear that Jeff - hook me up)
18. Get my teeth whitened(Sept/Nov2009)
19. Buy my first non disposable camera!!! yes my first.
20. Learn about personal financing and get mine under control(Signed up for a class June 9.09)DONE
21. Picnic more often, I'm surrounded by parks and ocean
22. Be a softer woman. Let men wear the pants and be men.
23. Go kayaking
(again, surrounded by water, you'd think I'd be more active, use to be)
24. Buy all new camping gear (all mine was ruined in a storm on the island- remember Kim? DG & DH- good times)
actually
24. gave me an idea for future entries.. list all my first date activies. Blog idea DONE! June 2009
25. Tell my friends/family I LOVE THEM at the end of EVERY phone call. (a contstant process)
26. Buy a printer/scanner for home
27. Go to the Cabin in Kitimat,BC (Sept 2009?)DONE TICKETS ARE BOUGHT
28. Start To Save money. Real savings. Short/long term savings.
29. Fall in love (ya I know I cant force this, but I figure if I write it down it's more likely to happen)
30. Buy one new piece (or more if finances allow it) of new clothing and/or shoes a month or every second month if the item cost more...guess it would have been easier to write UPDATE WAREDROBE. lol
31. Make the effort to seriously smile more (whether its random or intentional)
32. Donate blood more often. (I'm O-Negative, so I should be doing my part to helps others more often).
33. Learn how to paint my apt
34. Stop needing acceptance from my siblings (Done)
35. Do more things for myself that make me happy
36.
40 before 40
In no particular order….and three years to get it done
1. Get a passport
2. Cook lasagna from scratch
3. Lose weight max of 80 lbs
4. Find and live with a exclusive spouse
5. Buy a newer car (mid suv)within 6 years of the current year.
6. Move to the island
7. Buy a NEW king size bed
8. Create Sunday dinners w/family/closest friends (first dinner July 19th)
(this is conditional, based getting people to attend)
9. Buy a Bbq
10. Be part of a creative photo shoot. (July 2009)
11. Get an enhanced drivers license (August 2009)
12. Learn to snowboard (I’ve lived in Vancouver my whole life never gone)*gasp*
13. Conquer the Grouse Grind again under 1.15 hours
14. Go snowshoeing
15. Spend considerable more time by the ocean. (since I live on the edge of the continent/pacific ocean is only 30 minutes from home)
16. Join a gym and attend (June 2,2009)DONE!
17. Buy my first set of golf clubs (taylormade- hear that Jeff - hook me up)
18. Get my teeth whitened(Sept/Nov2009)
19. Buy my first non disposable camera!!! yes my first.
20. Learn about personal financing and get mine under control(Signed up for a class June 9.09)DONE
21. Picnic more often, I'm surrounded by parks and ocean
22. Be a softer woman. Let men wear the pants and be men.
23. Go kayaking
(again, surrounded by water, you'd think I'd be more active, use to be)
24. Buy all new camping gear (all mine was ruined in a storm on the island- remember Kim? DG & DH- good times)
actually
24. gave me an idea for future entries.. list all my first date activies. Blog idea DONE! June 2009
25. Tell my friends/family I LOVE THEM at the end of EVERY phone call. (a contstant process)
26. Buy a printer/scanner for home
27. Go to the Cabin in Kitimat,BC (Sept 2009?)DONE TICKETS ARE BOUGHT
28. Start To Save money. Real savings. Short/long term savings.
29. Fall in love (ya I know I cant force this, but I figure if I write it down it's more likely to happen)
30. Buy one new piece (or more if finances allow it) of new clothing and/or shoes a month or every second month if the item cost more...guess it would have been easier to write UPDATE WAREDROBE. lol
31. Make the effort to seriously smile more (whether its random or intentional)
32. Donate blood more often. (I'm O-Negative, so I should be doing my part to helps others more often).
33. Learn how to paint my apt
34. Stop needing acceptance from my siblings (Done)
35. Do more things for myself that make me happy
36.
Another Jen Lancaster Book ~ Such A Pretty Fat
I think again the title says it all.
I read my first JL book two weeks ago and now I'm addicted to her snarky,charismatic wit.
I began reading "Such A Pretty Fat" last night and couldn't put it down. I read at night to help me fall asleep. I guess this is my own fault for reading something great at bedtime!
Currently been making some small changes in life, joined a gym, got my BMI (which I may post so you can follow my progress or failure)making a list of 40 things to do before I turn 40 (3 yrs, living everyDAY(not life) to its fullest..... it's just an add boost of motivation to read about the rise and fall of dieting.
D-I-E-T is a four letter word people!!! I don't say it parse, I most certainly do NOT do it, although that MIGHT explain why I'm 5'2 and 203 lbs now, shapely and curvy, so I've always carried any additional girth well.
Yes I broke the 200 lbs seal...and didn't cry!
Not crying I think would have been a sign of denial. This way I'm mad at myself for letting it go for so long, and I even worked at a gym for 6 yrs and had a free membership. Know how many times I used the free mmbshp? Probably 6 months in total (spread out of course) more so when I had a trainer.
I'm not putting an amount of weight to lose in a certain timeline, fear that I'll lose motivation. I'll be working out Sunday -Wednesday for about 2 hours a night.
1 hr of cardio, 45 weights/full body workout, 15 cardio cool down.
of course I'll start off slow, and build up my endurance. having worked at a gym and not used it, I still manage to see people start all gungho and end up hurting themselves or get discouraged cos they can't do the things the guy beside them is doing. Who btw has probably been working out 5 days/wk for a few years.. so give yourself a break.
Another thing I learned/noticed about gym monkeys and regular users. NO ONE CARES what you look like! They are all there for the same reason, to get fit, be a healthier them. Surprisingly enough, the camaraderie is amazing as well.
I girl I worked with, about 4'11 and well over 200 lbs, in her early 20's, started working out and would cry often upon her return at lunch from the gym. She was convinced people were mocking her or laughing etc. She broke down once on the treadmill and I was amazed to see fellow members come to her support. In weeks to come, it was in the form of smiles, small talk, just a "you can do it" attitude and told her there will be days she wont do as well as others. listen to your body.
As much as I hate the cooperate evil empire when I worked there and still do, the members make up for so much more. This is the gym I joined.
Yes I'm aware, I went off topic and you're saying "what does the JL book have to do with you losing weight?"
My point is, I'm allowed to give myself permission to fail once in a while. It will be hard. There will be tears, many I'm sure. There will be swearing and talking in my head, how I'd like to shove a hose full of high calorie goop into the skinny bitch running on the treadmill next to me while I struggle to keep up a fast walk... is all normal.
It's the beginning of something new. Its never easy. No one likes change, well not at first.
My goal.... To be the skinny bitch running on a treadmill beside someone who is starting to exercise for the first time in a long time, or ever and giggle at the thought of the cursing that is occurring in her head. But I will always look at those newbies, smile and give an non patronizing encouraging word.
I read my first JL book two weeks ago and now I'm addicted to her snarky,charismatic wit.
I began reading "Such A Pretty Fat" last night and couldn't put it down. I read at night to help me fall asleep. I guess this is my own fault for reading something great at bedtime!
Currently been making some small changes in life, joined a gym, got my BMI (which I may post so you can follow my progress or failure)making a list of 40 things to do before I turn 40 (3 yrs, living everyDAY(not life) to its fullest..... it's just an add boost of motivation to read about the rise and fall of dieting.
D-I-E-T is a four letter word people!!! I don't say it parse, I most certainly do NOT do it, although that MIGHT explain why I'm 5'2 and 203 lbs now, shapely and curvy, so I've always carried any additional girth well.
Yes I broke the 200 lbs seal...and didn't cry!
Not crying I think would have been a sign of denial. This way I'm mad at myself for letting it go for so long, and I even worked at a gym for 6 yrs and had a free membership. Know how many times I used the free mmbshp? Probably 6 months in total (spread out of course) more so when I had a trainer.
I'm not putting an amount of weight to lose in a certain timeline, fear that I'll lose motivation. I'll be working out Sunday -Wednesday for about 2 hours a night.
1 hr of cardio, 45 weights/full body workout, 15 cardio cool down.
of course I'll start off slow, and build up my endurance. having worked at a gym and not used it, I still manage to see people start all gungho and end up hurting themselves or get discouraged cos they can't do the things the guy beside them is doing. Who btw has probably been working out 5 days/wk for a few years.. so give yourself a break.
Another thing I learned/noticed about gym monkeys and regular users. NO ONE CARES what you look like! They are all there for the same reason, to get fit, be a healthier them. Surprisingly enough, the camaraderie is amazing as well.
I girl I worked with, about 4'11 and well over 200 lbs, in her early 20's, started working out and would cry often upon her return at lunch from the gym. She was convinced people were mocking her or laughing etc. She broke down once on the treadmill and I was amazed to see fellow members come to her support. In weeks to come, it was in the form of smiles, small talk, just a "you can do it" attitude and told her there will be days she wont do as well as others. listen to your body.
As much as I hate the cooperate evil empire when I worked there and still do, the members make up for so much more. This is the gym I joined.
Yes I'm aware, I went off topic and you're saying "what does the JL book have to do with you losing weight?"
My point is, I'm allowed to give myself permission to fail once in a while. It will be hard. There will be tears, many I'm sure. There will be swearing and talking in my head, how I'd like to shove a hose full of high calorie goop into the skinny bitch running on the treadmill next to me while I struggle to keep up a fast walk... is all normal.
It's the beginning of something new. Its never easy. No one likes change, well not at first.
My goal.... To be the skinny bitch running on a treadmill beside someone who is starting to exercise for the first time in a long time, or ever and giggle at the thought of the cursing that is occurring in her head. But I will always look at those newbies, smile and give an non patronizing encouraging word.
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
To Do List ~ 40 things Before Turning 40 Idea stolen from TNR
Okay I've jumped on the bandwagon of doing on of these lists.
A few people I know in person and who's blogs I read are doing these list.
Seems fitting I would start it today as my last entry was my 40th. hmmmm
I'll give you a list in about a weeks time, as its 40 damn things I have to think about doing, and I've already done a lot... seriously.
and for those days when I have writers block, I can look back on this list and give you a progress report.
:)
A few people I know in person and who's blogs I read are doing these list.
Seems fitting I would start it today as my last entry was my 40th. hmmmm
I'll give you a list in about a weeks time, as its 40 damn things I have to think about doing, and I've already done a lot... seriously.
and for those days when I have writers block, I can look back on this list and give you a progress report.
:)
Monday, 1 June 2009
Bitter Is The New Black - A lesson learned from this novel
I just finished reading the first of a few novels by Jen Lancaster.
“Bitter Is The New Black”
www.jennsylvania.com highly recommended for a good laugh.
She is snarky, rude, cynically witty, more intelligent than her friends and associates! Who wouldn’t want a friend like that?
While reading this book, I found myself talking out loud and replying comebacks to situations similar to hers before I’d actually get to them. And relating to her life more than I’d like to admit.
A few things I’ve picked up/learned while reading Bitter Is The New Black.
Even the most educated, intelligent, successful people can get laid off and still have a hard time finding work in their field, and in the end, end up in a completely different field than what their degree is in.
I’m in my mid 30’s and just learning now what I may want to do with my life.
For YEARS, I’ve been harped on by friends, co workers and more so, family, to go to school, and just-get-a-job.
One thing I’ve watched occur over the last 20 years, is that most of my friends have BA’s, and Masters in their expertise field of choice and yet sit 20 feet from me, making the same wages I do but with a student loan to pay off over the next 10-20 years.
So why go to school, and never end up in that profession and own stupid amounts of stupid loans, cos in the end, I’ll end up being over qualified anyways?
I’m currently working at my 4th job in 20 years. And find myself to know a little about a lot. Rather than a lot about a little.
One thing we all have in common.
We work too hard watching paint dry, just to appear “busy” and not get laid off due to the economy. We all need to save more money and not live pay check to pay check.
Now I don’t have the salary of JL and if I did, I’d like to think I wouldn’t spend my hard earned cash on shoes etc. Okay, who am I kidding, of course I would splurge. Only a bit. I work in fashion and as much as I love the bags and shoes out there, I can never justify spending hundreds of dollars on a bag that is only going to carry my shit.
Besides I live on the west coast and not to sound too hippish (cos I’m not granola) but its more casual here than just south of our friendly neighbours in California where status means more. Sure I love to dress up, and I will own a pair of Christian Loubintin shoes/boots one day, but probably only ever one pair and only wear them on special occasions.
Okay I’m off track again. (big surprise).
This book made me realize that in this economy, NO ONE IS SAFE!
I seriously need to get my bills under control, maybe move to a smaller/cheaper apartment. This will be hard cos I love my apt.
It’s 2 bdrm, 2 patios, 900sq ft w/two views of water and mountains, and I only pay a fraction of what this apartment would cost me 30 minutes closer to downtown. Even sadder, moving into a 1 bdrm will no doubt cost me the same if not more for a smaller place (more modern) if I don’t want to live in a dumpy basement suite (never again) or in a mold infested apt building. I don’t know what its like in other cities, but Vancouver, the closer you are to downtown the rent goes up and the apts get much much smaller.
We actually have furniture stores that now cater to “loft size”. I live in an older building and have real sized HOUSE furniture, none of this overpriced, downsized scaled furniture to fit EVERYTHING into 400 sq ft crap.
Chances of moving I will have to down size my furniture. I have a 7ft couch, and a smaller love seat. A complete dining room set. And TWO bedrooms! The spare room is for storage now, but the option to get a roommate and pay less would be eliminated. Although this isn’t a bad thing, cos although I’m easy to live with, I don’t like many people enough to share MY space MY things with.
Anyway my point is, I DO have to make some changes (I hate change) and not sure what/how/when to do it. But I better get on it, cos I rather makes these changes cos I WANT TOO by my own choice, and not cos I HAVE TOO by someone else choice. Rather than sit here and be in denial and wait for something to happen. I must be the change I want to see.
Save money
Get out of debt
Maybe move to the island/smaller/cheaper apt
Change jobs (obviously with the move)
Join the gym
“Bitter Is The New Black”
www.jennsylvania.com highly recommended for a good laugh.
She is snarky, rude, cynically witty, more intelligent than her friends and associates! Who wouldn’t want a friend like that?
While reading this book, I found myself talking out loud and replying comebacks to situations similar to hers before I’d actually get to them. And relating to her life more than I’d like to admit.
A few things I’ve picked up/learned while reading Bitter Is The New Black.
Even the most educated, intelligent, successful people can get laid off and still have a hard time finding work in their field, and in the end, end up in a completely different field than what their degree is in.
I’m in my mid 30’s and just learning now what I may want to do with my life.
For YEARS, I’ve been harped on by friends, co workers and more so, family, to go to school, and just-get-a-job.
One thing I’ve watched occur over the last 20 years, is that most of my friends have BA’s, and Masters in their expertise field of choice and yet sit 20 feet from me, making the same wages I do but with a student loan to pay off over the next 10-20 years.
So why go to school, and never end up in that profession and own stupid amounts of stupid loans, cos in the end, I’ll end up being over qualified anyways?
I’m currently working at my 4th job in 20 years. And find myself to know a little about a lot. Rather than a lot about a little.
One thing we all have in common.
We work too hard watching paint dry, just to appear “busy” and not get laid off due to the economy. We all need to save more money and not live pay check to pay check.
Now I don’t have the salary of JL and if I did, I’d like to think I wouldn’t spend my hard earned cash on shoes etc. Okay, who am I kidding, of course I would splurge. Only a bit. I work in fashion and as much as I love the bags and shoes out there, I can never justify spending hundreds of dollars on a bag that is only going to carry my shit.
Besides I live on the west coast and not to sound too hippish (cos I’m not granola) but its more casual here than just south of our friendly neighbours in California where status means more. Sure I love to dress up, and I will own a pair of Christian Loubintin shoes/boots one day, but probably only ever one pair and only wear them on special occasions.
Okay I’m off track again. (big surprise).
This book made me realize that in this economy, NO ONE IS SAFE!
I seriously need to get my bills under control, maybe move to a smaller/cheaper apartment. This will be hard cos I love my apt.
It’s 2 bdrm, 2 patios, 900sq ft w/two views of water and mountains, and I only pay a fraction of what this apartment would cost me 30 minutes closer to downtown. Even sadder, moving into a 1 bdrm will no doubt cost me the same if not more for a smaller place (more modern) if I don’t want to live in a dumpy basement suite (never again) or in a mold infested apt building. I don’t know what its like in other cities, but Vancouver, the closer you are to downtown the rent goes up and the apts get much much smaller.
We actually have furniture stores that now cater to “loft size”. I live in an older building and have real sized HOUSE furniture, none of this overpriced, downsized scaled furniture to fit EVERYTHING into 400 sq ft crap.
Chances of moving I will have to down size my furniture. I have a 7ft couch, and a smaller love seat. A complete dining room set. And TWO bedrooms! The spare room is for storage now, but the option to get a roommate and pay less would be eliminated. Although this isn’t a bad thing, cos although I’m easy to live with, I don’t like many people enough to share MY space MY things with.
Anyway my point is, I DO have to make some changes (I hate change) and not sure what/how/when to do it. But I better get on it, cos I rather makes these changes cos I WANT TOO by my own choice, and not cos I HAVE TOO by someone else choice. Rather than sit here and be in denial and wait for something to happen. I must be the change I want to see.
Save money
Get out of debt
Maybe move to the island/smaller/cheaper apt
Change jobs (obviously with the move)
Join the gym
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