Back to square one.

Guy # 4 - JC has been taken out of the running.
He did not do anything directly to me, but his actions have raised a small yellow flag.

Conversations we've been having via email and phone have been great. Witty, silly, fluent.
I always look forward to chatting with him next.  Saturday rolled around and I had a "feeling" something had changed. He emailed to ask if he could call. Which I think is always funny. Dude, if you want to talk to me, just call me. If I'm available to talk I'll answer it.

So he calls, and we're on the phone less than 6 mins (as per the time log on my phone) when he abruptly mentions  he has to go and run some errands, and that he'll call me later. Um ok.
Normally he calls when he says, and if he doesn't, he sends a quick email to say sorry, he got busy etc.
None of that took place the following day.

I decided I'd log into my account and see if anything new was of any interest to me. Whilst looking up his profile. Only to discover that he's changed his wants etc. He's now looking to "hangout" rather than "date". And his age preferences have gone from 28-40 to 28-32. Which means I can not even reply to messages he's already sent me via the site, since I no longer fit into his new age settings. 

I've deleted him. I'm not interested in an excuse or finding out why. I mean it's POF.  Men may start on this site with all good intentions of finding love or someone to date until they realize they can work less at being a gentleman and still find that there are women  girls with low self esteem that will sleep with them.

I'm back to square one. I'm a little bummed though. Not for JC however, for the fact that I thought I started out of the gates on a positive and I was ready to date again. I snapped myself out of that pretty quick.
Realized, again, no decent men are going to be found on any dating site as long as there are women out there who have no morals or standards. I'm deleting my account. Why stay on, I'm always disappointed.

Back to the old fashion way. Thru friends (not blind dates - just mutual friends), randoms, more face to face.

Fan Page

  Had a moment today where I thought, first mistake there, that I would create a fan page for this blog on facebook. :) Yay more readers.....so I thought. (I do not blog to gain numbers, although it is a nice, warm and fuzzy feeling knowing people like to read you)

  Then it occurred to me, that unless I want to change my profile picture on the blog, I'd never be able to use it on my own personal account, ever again. And I like that picture.

  Do I really want to chance anyone from my real life figuring out who I am? If I did I'd just use my real name, wouldn't I? I mean my friends are smart, stupid smart and would probably figure that shit out asap. Besides, I talk about them here sometimes. I do have a very few selected friends I allow to read the blog and they're mentioned here from time to time. The rest. Can just carry on their lives and never know about this special place I come to write about every day things.

So, for now, there will be no facebook page linked to Just Saying.

Do any of you have a fb page linked to your blog? If so, how do you like it?

Dating for Dummies

I really wish there was a book for re-entering the dating world.
I mean I know how to date but I think with the pressure of having to preform and not make asking questions sound like an interview, has become an art.

One of which I can conquer blind folded and make it appear to others we've been friends forever....when I'm not interested. Although now I am interested, I feel over heated, sweaty, nervous that stupidity will spew from every pore in my body the minute I open my mouth and/or dig myself into the friendship catagory.


Ugh.

I figure I'll just be my slightly dorky self with hints of genius that pokes thru from time to time, just not to intimidate the guy.... omg that was hard to write. Anyone else laughing at the fact I thought I could actually pull off genius? I'm smart, and maybe smarter than most people, especially men, when it comes to calling bullshit. Alas I need to find a balance as not to appear over bearing/pushy/high maintenance/or gawd forbid (I've actually been told this one) too independent, for a girl.  WTH DOES THAT MEAN!?

I pride myself on being independent. Rarely pulling the helpless female card.
I have my own tools, on my way to being certified to handle/shoot a range of firearms. I make my own money, will drive my own car again, do not need a roommate, think for myself.  You'd think (well I do) that men would dig that about me.  Oh wait, yes, I forgot to let them be the man..... There it is.

My big dating faux pas. Letting men be men.
By opening doors, paying at times, feeling like the protector and feeling needed/wanted from time to time. I just have to find out how to find that balance without patronizing anyone or sounding fake.

This is all over the place, oxymoron of sorts.
Whilst I'm an independent girlie/tomboy, I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. But....it doesn't bother me to not hold hands, not be kissie all the time-especially in public, although I must admit, in private, I am the cuddle-slut of all sluts that ever were.

Wing it or maybe read a book? You decide for me.

Visitor Flag

I'm amazed how this site can consistently confuse me.

Everything on my google/blogger account states that I live in Canada, specifically Vancouver.
So why does everyones' visitor counter, including my own say I'm from New York, USA?

Anyone? Anyone?

Prenupials.

A g/f is getting married in August of this year.
They've been in the first weeks of planning etc, and suddenly WHAM!... it might not happen at all now, or at least be pushed back a year.

The troll fiance suddenly wants a prenup. That's fine,  I'd want to protect my military pension too.  But it's the stipulations he's adding that has her livid.

Aside from his military pension etc  he wants her to maintain a certain weight, keep the house, the pets, ....in short the list of things he's added is similar to that expected of a house wife from the 50's.

Now the fiance isn't a catch by any means. He's 5'0", stocky, has a temper of a petulant 5 yr old, and seems to think cos he makes more money, she should cater to him while he sits on his ass playing video games, drinking beer and making a mess, then bitches at her cos the house is not presentable.  (she works too)

You should know something about yourself is true when your friends are telling you that you are not a catch but you've landed a good woman who has put up with you (aka settled) and if you screw this up, it wont be long before someone else sees how great she is and scoops her up.  My friend dated down. Way down.   In his defence though, he does have a huge heart, he's fun and throws a good party, however, none of that is ever directed at the woman who has given him the last 8 years of her life.

I only met CM last year and from what I can suspect, she has low self esteem.  Very low.
Was that a result of the troll man slowly breaking her down? I'm just learning now that she's been very unhappy for a long time, but they set a date to marry two months ago???

I've heard the troll mention to friends that CM would never leave him (while laughing) cos she'd miss his money. WTF! She makes her own money, although they have a joint bank account (I hate that people do that and do not keep an account of their own), everything is in her name. The bills, the truck, (he doesn't have a licence and needs her to drive him everywhere) the insurance etc.  So if I'm not correct, I think it's the troll NEEDS her around so he can spend his money on toys, while she finances the household needs.

He wants this huge wedding for $2G.  I nearly choked on my drink when she told me that.
He's learning quickly that even the simplest of all weddings cost more than a few thousand dollars, even with the help they're receiving from the base he works at.

When she mentioned to me last night about the issue of the prenup, and pushing back the wedding, I strongly suggested that she write her own prenup with a notary and get her own damn bank account. In it, it should have terms about about his weight, the amount of sex they should be having, the comments he leaves on pictures on facebook of women he doesn't know (like he could land any of them) the names he calls her. *unt is his favorite. Yes it is, and she stays with him. But thinks he's entitled to do whatever, behave however, whenever, coos he's the man.

She agreed with a lot I had to say, however this threw me for a loop. She says, "He's solely worried about his pension when we break up." 

WHEN! Not if.  
Both of them have now used the word WHEN to describe the end result of their marriage before it's even begun. This is not a good sign. I can not push her to do anything she isn't ready for. I've given her my two bits upon being asked and it echos the same answers other friends have given her. Don't get married to this one.

I wonder how women get caught up in relationships like this and stay?
There are so many kind of abuse, and this one seems to be based on the verbal and financial controlling. If would never lay a hand on her, cos his closest military brothers would kill him.

Since my friends started getting married in our 20's, I would observe how many of them gave up control over their own finances and would have to ASK for money. Money they earned!!!!

I swore then I would never have a joint account. I will always have control over my own money. And if a relationship has to end cos I wont submit control to the man, well then, that relationship MUST end. I'm okay with joint house accounts where you both contribute money into it for the mortgage etc, but aside from that, hell no.

As lonely as I am, being single has it's pro's to it. I do not have to fight about finances with anyone but myself.

Would love the input from all of you, as some of you have been through these exact issues.
I'd like to know what causes you to stay. How you dealt with it.

By67-gro

This is a code I've been getting when trying to add more blogs to my reading list.
I'm going to be setting all the settings back to default and then readding them.
It might look as though I'm closing down my blog. Rest assure, I am not.

Funk

I stated here that I felt I was ready to re-enter the dating world.
Feeling fairly good about my start out of the gates. 4 out of 4. score!
So I thought. And although I'm bummed, disappointed, I'm not surprised.

However, I am surprised at the level of sadness I'm feeling for myself.
It started 4 for 4, now we're down to 1.

Guy #1-Booty call in the making.
He was honest about his wants, we moved forward accordingly.
Then nothing. No contact, no emails, text msg's and deleted his profile.
Ok, this isn't really a loss, but why go thru the trouble if you're not serious?
Maybe he found someone else? Maybe he decided he wasn't interested?
Maybe he's just playing games? Doesn't matter, I'm not chasing him down, I've deleted him.

Guy #2 -Horoscope guy. Aka Jo-Flo
He had a slow start about contacting me after our first exchange.
Then I noticed his profile pictured changed. From a hot blond in his early 30's to a picture of a kid barely 19, and not of the same guy. Hmmm

He emailed me to say a few kind words and explained he'd be using the name Jo-Flo until he was more comfortable with the whole site etc. Fine. We've all been there but you're an adult and and not a public servant or a celebrity, so I don't quite understand but at least he was forth coming. (losing brownie points though) and up went a yellow card.

Today, I got another email from him with pictures attached, Subject line - The real me.
Not hideous but not impressed. Red Flag. I replied asking him why all the deception?
And not to mention he changed his profile interest from "dating" to "other relationship" and he was no longer single but "living together".
Delete.  Can not even bother discussing this further with him. I'm not interested.
What else is he going to lie/deceive me about later?

Guy # 3- Still deleted.

Guy #4 - JC
So far he's actually a real possibility.
He's still in contact. We'll see.

So after all my start out of the gates hasn't been as successful as I first thought.
The rejection doesn't hurt, it's part of the game, however it is exhausting.
I'm starting to wonder if being single forever would just be easier and having meaningless sex.....

Soooooooooooo, I contacted a man from the old roster TB. Yes my reconnection with him hasn't been a great one. But he is a good time without the hassle.
Rejected. Ugh. For months he's been perusing me and now that I'm available and willing, he's not. I give up. Taken him off the list completely.

I thought I wanted something casual and maybe I still do. What I'd like is for those who talk a good talk to put their mouth where... well..  I can not think of something witty and appropriate, but you get my point.

I suspect my mood doesn't help the fact I'm sore, and tired. 
Cause - the new bed? It has a cashmere top and I'm allergic to wool. However there is a sheet, fitted mattress pad and then the fitted sheet between me and direct contact....

Soreness could be from that fact I think I MIGHT be over medicated with my thyroid at the moment. Don't freak out, it's normal to happen when tweaking ones thyroid meds. Side effects are swollen neck(check), tremors in hands(check) and sore upper back/shoulder/neck area (check). My follow up blood work results are on the 5th.
I will be back to normal soon. Alas I think it all contributes to my mood tonight.

The short of it is, I'm not feeling attractive, desired, or wanted right now.
Even despite the fact I'm having a few amazing hair days.

I'm a mixed bag of blah and emotions right now.
I want to be with anyone, but I want to be alone.
I'm tired, bored and annoyed.

Oldie but a good'er - Winning Team Canada Gold in mens Hockey

Sound of Vanvouver when Team Canada wins Gold in Men's Hockey.

This is the best sound for 3 mins.

There was a huge screen tv placed in the downtown core for the public to gather and watch the game. 

You can hear everyone chanting LOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUU
.....Then the roar when we win.

This was taken from across the water in False Creek, Vancouver.

= Goosebumps.

And this video is inside GM Place (now Rogers Arena) The moment Crosby wins the game. This is 60,000 people INSIDE, the above video is 100's of thousands of people outside. Crosby's last goal - Winning the Gold - Inside GM Place

And this one from directly infront of the tv in the downtown core. where all the noise is coming from. On the street

I'm high maintenance.

Just need to have a little vent.

Popped onto fb and sent a friend (who I've recently met in person) just to say Hi.
Since I'm at work, I had to minimize the page for a minute. 3 mins to be exact.
Upon my return a msg was waiting. "Dudette, talk or I'm leaving."

I explained that I'm at work and between the hours of 7-5 replies will most likely always be delayed for those of us who do not work from home etc.

We have some small talk, then it came to me. I'm always the first one making contact. Always.
I pointed this out in a light and fun way. I'm shocked at the reply of  "holy shit, you're becoming high maintenance!"  I'm silent for a minute, trying to guage whether he was being serious or not.

I reply with, "not at all, just bored at work, things run thru my mind".
No reply from him. A few minutes pass, so in my cheeky self, I sent him the following.
"Dude, talk or I'm leaving".  The fastest response I got ever, followed as, "No, I'm out of here. Bye." - offline.

Who is the high maintenance once again?
To most this would seem like nothing, but this is the rudest this person has ever been! Ever!

This might have something to do with the fact (or not) that he proposed we be FWB and I declined.... coos he has a GIRLFRIEND! Granted she is out of the country until late March, but he still has an exclusive GIRLFRIEND!

To clarify, if he was single, I'd be up for this. I've made this extremely clear to him.
Alas he is not single, so it shouldnt even be discussed.

Input please.

Adminstrative Executive Assistant

That is my official job title.
Depending on the employment agency you use, I can also be referred to as an accounting clerk, accounts payable clerk, receptionist, and/or personal assistant.

So which is it and which one will pay me the most money?

I've had 4 jobs in 23 years.  Not bad.
Mostly everything I know or have experience in, has been self taught, in house thru promotions.  That apparently is not good enough for the real world.

I'm in my 39th year and it's slowly coming to my attention, that without formal certificates, I'll never make the salary I should. Ugh.

I've been looking into going back to school part time, but even that is time I do not have.
However, did you know that some Continuing Adult Education sectors (usually held at night at high schools) hold the exact same courses but as individual courses and later at night to accommodate those of us with more than one job, families or shortage of cash?

I can take the classes I need, one by one, or two by two (who am I kidding, I wont take more than one at a time) and get all the classes I need and in the end be fully certifiable qualified to put on my resume that I have been properly schooled in these areas.

SCORE!

After adding up the tuition cost and supplies for each course I want to take. It balances out to the same if I were to go full time or part time.  YAY no penalties for not being a full time student.

I have decided though I hate fall/winter classes. Without a car that is.
Until I have car again, I'll limit my classes to the spring/summer programs.

I've decided at almost 40 this is the direction I'm going to take for my future employment.
Mostly cos they are all transferable skills. At some point in time I'm sure being an administrative assistant will be a basic requirement, like being able to type 50-60 wpm.

In the end I'll be doing the same job I do now, probably in another company, however being paid the salary I should be making. :)

Updates later in the year.

Entering the dating world, again.

I've been single a year and one month. It went by so fast, it was barely painful.
When Douchebag and I decided that we no longer had a future together, I was surprisingly prepared for it.
Although that did not lessen the hurt, from learning or being angry he wasted my time all these years, knowing we both wanted different things for the end, (he could have shared that infor sooner) or stop me from being jaded and hating his ass for a bit. However, I never really thought about running out and getting involved with anyone again. No set time limit et certa, I just wasn't ready.

A few months back I started to humour the idea about having a f#ck buddy again. Something to fulfill the short term needs while I decided if I was emotionally ready to enter the dating world.
I had no rebound dates.  Did not need them, nor were any really offered, well from single men that is.

A few weeks back I reopened my dating account. I guess I'm ready. Or willing to see what's available out there. I don't date to pass the time or try not too. I have in the past when off again with D-Bag. When I did, I made horrible decisions. Judgement was clouded if not there all together. Fortunately I came out of all my experiences unscathed. A little shocked by some, and only one no contact order, for a guy I never even met! (Got to love cyber stalking and harassment. The police took it very serious, as he was known to them. I had to change my phone # and make it unlisted). That is a story for another day. I'm sure I've told it before.

A couple posts back I mentioned I was home sick Monday and overly bored, unhappy with the men messaging me on the site. Fed up, I decided I'd take my own happiness back into my own hands.
I contact 4 men, got 4 replies, got 4 out 4 phone numbers. (even since I was young, I've always been the one to make the first move, go after what I want.... I'd really like to be perused by someone worthy)

Guy#1 aka Bootycall in the making.
He was straight up honest with his profile and what he wants. I messaged him just to say thanks for not wasting anyone's time by playing the "dating card" when all he really wanted was some NSA fun. (no strings attached).  We started chatting, exchanged phone #'s and msn. Covered the grounds of sexual health history and what each of us expected out of the arrangement.

Now of course, like a man, he was ready to go right then. Myself however, I insisted we meet first, have a drink, see if there is chemistry on ANY level in person first, then move forward. I admitted that I would have to enter this arrangement much slower than him. I want to know certain things about him first, protect myself etc, know your last name, where/what you do for work etc. These are all normal things for anyone to know before you start exchanging bodily fluids. 

He claims to be okay with all this, but when it comes time to actually reveal the information or  make a date to meet etc, he instantly starts having a glitchy computer.  Once or twice is fine, but every time the conversation turns to meeting or giving each other personal information?
hmmmm... I don't think so. Sir, you've been deleted.  He's also closed his dating account.

Guy#2 - No Name for him. Horoscope Guy.
We haven't chatted outside our initial contact.  He gave me his # and msn.
I've never seen him on, which is a good sign, cos I assume then that he has a life of his own.
I left one voicemail to a nameless outgoing message. Explained who I was etc, then deleted his number and msn.  I mean you're on a dating site, what is the point of giving someone your contact information if you're not going to reply? It's been 5 days. Yes I'm impatient, but sometimes you can just sense there is no point in trying more after first effort.
Edit: He contacted me today. He does indeed have a life! Woot. He's back in the running, for now.

Guy#3 - Closed his account after giving me his number. 
I called it, no voicemail. Deleted him.
Not even going to bother. I find for some men its a contest to see how many women they can get interested but have no intentions of doing anything with it. It's a numbers game to them.

Guy #4 - JC
The very next day (Tuesday) after we exchanged information he emailed me on my hotmail account.
Then later the same day on my facebook! WTF!  I was instantly put off.
When asked why he messaged me there (although did not request too add as a friend) he said my email came up in the "friend finder" portion.

CRAP! I gave out my everyday email not the one I use for dating. SHIT.

I politely advised him to contact me on hotmail or on my cell as we haven't met and I won't be adding him to facebook until a much later date. He understood and did as asked. For a couple days.
He still messages me on fb, but since he can not see anything, I've decided not to be insistent about it. After all, I now have his full name now too.

Conversation by email has been good. Covering a bit of ground.
I called him last night, but the local number 778 said I would be charged long distance charges.
WTF? Coquitlam to Richmond? I don't think so!  With a quick recap on his profile he is in Richmond not on the Island with a mainland number.  We're both alittle confused by this, but have moved on. It's not the end of the world, but I should not have to pay extra to talk locally. Probably start talking to him from my land-line when its my turn to call him.

The short of it is, he has manners, seems to be consistent, emails when he says he will, or emails for no reason, just to say HI. He's not bad looking in the pictures I've seen. And one not so photogenic. :(
We have many common interests and a few that we don't. Yay some balance.
I see us meeting up sooner than later should things continue to progress naturally.

Looking back at my off time from D-Bag I'm taking lessons from the mistakes I made when dating to pass the time until D-Bag and I got back together again.  I have standards, and will not put up with any man that nags at me for it. I will not compromise those things again. Or stay giving someone a chance who clearly does not deserve it, cos I'm bored or find it a challenge.

Men. You must bring something to the table to date me. There must be a balance of meshing together.
If it's not a natural fit, I'll be moving on. That said, some of these men might find themselves in a friend category rather than being dismissed all together.

I feel stronger more empowered now, from the mistakes I made before.
Stepping stones and maturity will do that to you I guess. ;-)

White Rain?

It's snowing hard here this morning. 5cm accumulated in less than an hour in most places.

Normally I wouldn't care, alas I'm upset cos there was no snow in the forecast! At all!
Yes, it's winter still technically in Vancouver, but as soon as we hit double digits we start taking the fur lining out of our sandals coos it's now Spring.  This is not the case this morning/today/moving towards afternoon.

More upset with myself that I did not look outside before leaving the house so I could have changed my shoes to boots. :(

For those of you not living in BC, Canada, the snow here isn't like it is elsewhere in the country. When it snows in BC, it's wet and heavy. Like falling slush.  Rarely does it snow in the city like it does on the mountains. Light, fluffy, fun to play in.  This is just white rain.

Waaa waaa waaaa. Ok I think I'm done, for now. :)

JV & BigButtNut

I've talked with JV today about the pof thing.
He laughed, however said it wasn't him.... Still laughing.

I informed him that I'm in the position to press charges for defamation of character resulting in unwanted harassment. (I'm still looking into it, chances are I'm not able to press any charges) however JV does not know that. His tone changed quickly, apologized for laughing and still claims it wasn't him.  I'm not convinced.

If it is him, that should bring things to a complete stop.

I've yet to hear back from from BBN. :)

Almost over it, but should someone slip up and I catch them/discover who it was, better believe they will have to move to another country.

BigButtNut - POF Update

Yesterday I mentioned I had received a message from BigButtBut and that I replied asking why in the world he thought I would be interested in anything he was offering.

He replied while I was at work.  I had to wait to read his reply until I got home.
First of all, wow. 

BBN: Oh, well a friend of mine said he fucked you after meeting you on here and that you were a for sure thing for a good fuck and NSA, and you had a snag tight*****. 

Me: That is unlikely.

BBN: Really? Well based on his recommendation, I think I should fuck you anyways and I can judge for myself.

Me: Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not some party favour that can be discarded and passed around! Who is this "friend"? Better yet, have him contact me, we have shit to discuss.

He hasn't replied as of yet.

While we were exchanging messages, I received a handful more messages along the same line.
I replied to all these men explaining this is the result of a prank and I'd appreciate it if someone would give me this "friends" name. Otherwise not to contact me again cos clearly the information being passed around it wrong. Very wrong. Most have apologized but BBN. He is insistent that I be "tried out".

I can not tell you how enraged I was yesterday.
I know exactly who I've met over the years when I was in between single from the Douche.
More so, exactly who I've slept with.  I'm still in contact with every person I've EVER slept with except one. And he was the first person who came to mind. But it's been 3 years since I've seen him or talked to him.

Last night was exhausting as I reached out by text, hotmail, facebook, and land line to every single man I've ever been with casually.  All were replying with WTF are you talking about!!!?? Others were so mad, they've offered their services to kick some ass.

So we're back to one. Well maybe two.
JV and Laurie. 
Laurie is my ex best friend. But even this is a bit much for her, knowing very well if she were to get caught, the ranee of terror that would ensue her.  I've contacted JV by facebook as I no longer have any contact information for him, and advised if it was him trying to be funny or something, to just STOP IT! That would be friendly.

I can put up with a lot of stupidity, but slandering my name on a dating site for casual sex, is not one I will put up with.

I doubt anyone will give me this person's name who's had 7 men contact me for a good time.
I haven't had sex in a year, and before that it was limited to a few good men.  All who I have on facebook and talk to regularly, have lunch with their new girlfriends etc.

I have a message on my fb status right in case for some reason they are there, that will/should be making them nervous right about now.

I thought high school was behind us.
Apparently not. It still exists, just with better cars, clothes and more money.

Thoroughly exhausted from the rage.

Back on POF

I reactivated my POF account a few weeks ago.
I've had several men look over it and tell me if it's hinting at anything I may not be aware of.
Nope. All male friends say it's good, normal and inviting. YAY ME!

So explain to me this. Why is BigButtNut contacting me for water sports and other things?
I wrote him a nasty reply asking why he thought he should be messaging me. As it clearly states on my profile I'm not interested in anyone looking for sexual encounters. And strongly suggested he read the profiles and "know your audience" Just saying'  He's replied but I've yet to check it.

I'd had enough with the ugly of the ugly viewing me. Then I read at the top of edit profile and learn the system picks your matches based on your height and income. WTF!?  No wonder I'm getting all the trolls. Cos I'm short. This is sooooo wrong.

I changed my income status -which btw is not on your profile, and my height by an inch.
Both of which I mention in my profile have been changed and why etc.

I spend the day on the couch due to a spider bit on the back of my neck. aka death like flu symptoms kept me home. I spent time annoyed and decided I would start messaging men.
I msg'd 4. I got 4 replies. :)  And not the replies men send to say thanks for the message but not interested.
I exchanged email address and cell numbers with 3 of the 4.  They all commented on my profile and it's blunt honesty. :) (weight, height, income etc). Turns out, men are having the same issues.

Note to POF.
How about you let the users pick their matches based on the settings. 28-45 yrs old (whatever they may be). and actually send that to us etc.  I'm not overly impressed with the way this service decides who your matches are. But alas it is a free site. Although one step shy of being CList.

I do not bother with using multiple sites, you just see the same people on each site. Even the paid ones.
Anytime I'm on this site I also open a picture-less account on AFF. Adult Friend F......  (ya I don't want that site linked to my blog).. I do this to see if any of the men I'm chatting with and potential dating are openly trolling for casual hook ups. Yes everyone does it. However there is something a little more degrading about that site, that suggests they may not take or protect their sexual health as serious as I would like.

Off topic. Back to the boys.

They are all 5'6 - 6'3 similar features etc. (think the Jude Law, Hugh Grant, Hugh Jackman and Jason Statham types mmmmmm- ya now you all know my type) we all have something in common and few things not. I would consider myself a high 6, sometimes a 7(on a good hair/makeup day) These men are all 8,9,10's. I always date up. :) Entirely too early to say what will come of any of them. But the fact I hit 4 out of 4 in one morning was a good start.

One I messaged cos he was honest about his wants for a casual hook up, but in a gentleman way.
Hey it worked. I msg'd him just to say kootos etc. We agreed there was nothing wrong with passing the time together as we both look for something else.  We covered a lot of history via msn. He doesn't want to whore around, too much, but to find one or two ladies he can switch up his time with to different events. (dinner, hockey games and of course booty) when he has down time.

Ok, this might be a total line, but it worked for me, and he's not claiming to want a relationship, he's being upfront about what he wants etc. No games.  So it's a win/win. It might not work for everyone. I've been fortunate enough to have had a healthy booty call in the past so I know one forthcoming when I see it.

Now I have to seriously step up the wardrobe and dress the way I want, not just what I can afford and make my appearance match my insides. :)

More to follow on BigButtNut after I read his reply tonight.
Who knows, maybe it's just an apology. HA!
Ow, the thought of that made me laugh out loud. I know it will be him saying nasty things to me, somehow in his little brain that will interpret that I will respond with an "oh yes baby, that's what I like". *barf*

Sidenote: The volunteers from Helping Families in Need are coming by tonight to pick up the bed and TV. :)
I've had to cancel my own volunteer dinner with the museum, this one wins. Volunteer dinners will always be there.

Laurie's daughter tried to add me to FB last night.  I thought I had blocked her after she called me a fucking douche bag. This from an 11 yr old.  Turns out she changed her name up a little and tried to add me.
Silly girl has her profile public. I read her wall as far back at April 2010 and learned that Laurie had planned to move out, and had scheduled a few trips to Vancouver while claiming the whole time to be in another province with the kids.  I knew she was acting sketchy.  So between May - July 10 when she claimed to be in another province, she was indeed here visiting a lot of that time and lied about it. I read her daughter's wall for other things and my gawd, she is her mothers daughter for sure. The angst that spews from her mouth on her wall, well it's embarrassing. I would kill my child if they openly spoke like this to aunts, uncles siblings etc on a public wall. Maybe someone should explain to her how the Internet really works.
Needless to say I declined her invite to be friends.

Dear New Stalkers - Msg Me.

I've noticed in the last couple days I've have a few new followers. GREAT!...or so I thought.

When I click on these new stalkers, they have no blog, no information, just a google account. Since this is a public blog, I really have no way to ween out the spam bot accounts.

Here is my suggestion if you do not want me to block you.
Send me a private message on the email provided to you on my blog and introduce yourself. Blog or no blog. Just let me know you're a real person.
If considerable time passes and I do not hear from the newbies, you will be blocked.

I respect my devoted stalkers and love that you all read me.
I will not however, inconvenience anyone with spam bot comments to my own site or those who might think about attaching themselves to my devoted stalkers, aka my blog-o-sphere-family.

Please introduce yourself to me. Most of you do, and I thank you for that.
Don't be shy, I only bite when provoked.

~Just Saying.

Old Bed - Women's shelter

I've been waiting on a friend to help me move my old bed into the ally after dark.
Then it occurred to me, why not do what I did last time? Donate it to a shelter.

I've called a few places. 
The Covenant House (emergency shelter for homeless teenagers)
The Gospel Mission, and a few others.
Surprising how many do not have a need for a bed or storage for it, but all were very grateful for being thought of.

The Vancouver Rape & Relief Women's Shelter in Vancouver was in need.
(edit: VRRWS has referred me to the Helping Families in Need Society. They are the transition house)
Not for the bed per-sae, but for any of the women who may be ready to leave the shelter and start on their own again, with help from donated items.

Makes me feel better to know someone gets a new start with some second hand items, instead of it going to waste. I've thrown in some sheets and I'll find a quilt to go with it. Even if I have to buy one.
And if I still have the TV, I'll give that to them too. (edit- They are getting the TV too. I'll take the loss in cash for the greater good).

Now that they have my phone number, I'll make a point of holding onto it for about a month, rather than turfing it this weekend. (Looks like they will possibly picking up everything this weekend, based on volunteers available).

That is all.

I have much to talk about. Not sure why.
Just random stuff that crosses my mind, and I think, "oh I should totally blog about that!" ... then it's gone. Then it's back!

...... before I continue. Grammar police out there, answer this.
I should know this....  When putting something in quotations. Is the period or exclaimation point come before or after the end quotation mark? See above.

I Love Him.....still.

I woke up from a horrible dream in the last few minutes....crying. Hard.

I dreamt that the Douchebag had snuck into my apartment in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. (thinking he was being funny) Not knowing it was him, and not enough time to exit the apartment via one of my patio's, from the time I heard the front door open, I slip off the edge of my bed onto the floor beside my golf club. (yes I actually have one beside my bed). 

However he knew I was there. Laying there absolutely terrified ready to swing, he jumped on the bed hanging his head over the edge yelling "BOO", in that exact same moment without thinking, I swung. Rearing him bloody and completely unconscious.
Screaming, I got up to race from the apartment drawing as much attention to myself as I could.  For whatever reason, I took a second to look at my intruder as I was getting off the floor, making sure he was not faking. (all in a split second), suddenly realizing it was the Douchebag. Not a "real" intruder.

He's not moving. He's not breathing. OMG I've killed him.
Grabbed the phone, called 911 begging for an ambulance and the police.
They all arrive, as I"m explaining what happened.... I wake up.  Crying. Hard.

WTF!!!! seriously, where did this dream come from? And why so awful!? I mean, ya I'm unhappy about the way we carried on our relationship for years passed it's expiry date, but I've never wished him harm. Ever.

So ya, I love him, still. But whhhhhhhhhhhy such a dream?
I feel horrible and I think I"m more upset now at the thought that I had a dream so violent in the first place.

I figure if I got all this down on paper it wouldn't haunt me anymore tonight.

HPHM.

On happier notes.

I finally got my new bed and TV Saturday.
Do you think for a second anything went smoothly? No.

The movers were hired by the friend (SR) I bought the stuff from. I was to pay them.
*EST was 5:30-6pm. I get the call from SR that they will be a little later about 7pm.
That's fine. I cancel my dinner plans.
*8:45 rolls around and I call SR asking where the movers are, now strongly suspecting they stopped to watch the hockey game, despite having been paid to deliver my new belongings. I'm told they are at her house loading up the stuff and should be at my house in 30 mins. We live less than a 3 min WALK from each other, so you can imagine how friggin livid I was when 2 more hours passed and still no sign of the movers, nor can I get a hold of SR anymore.

I've left a fairly unhappy message on her phone explaining this was no longer acceptable to deliver anything after 7pm let alone 11pm. I live in an apartment etc
Not only now have they inconvenienced my whole night, they are planning to deliver in the middle of the night now and disturb all my neighbours? NOT COOL.

*11:15pm I'm on the couch trying to sleep since I've  cleared my room for the new bed, the phone rings. They're here.  They come up introduce themselves, pleasant enough but never offer an apology or reason for the lateness. From the tone and the look on my face I think they knew it was best they just not speak at all. NO TIP for them!

Bed in - Check.
Used 52" flat screen.... wait... TUBE TV? WHAT!?
SR had told me this was an 52" LCD Flat screen... yum there is a huge difference.

This thing is a monster! Although nice, it's huge!

(It's actually 48" projection rear back model according to the model infor on the back- still too big - thing weighs 157lbs as per the infor)

I've been in the possession of this monster for 24 hours now and I've listed it on craplist and FB Market for sale. I even messaged SR explaining although nice, it's simply too big for my apt space (less than 6 ft from either couch... that's just too close)
Before you ask if I can move things around, I can not. The set up for the open floor plan in my apartment is already utilizing it's best format. :(

I'll be messaging SR again tomorrow to see if her husband's friend still wants it, otherwise I am going to sell it. (for more than I bought it for).

Don't get me wrong or think I'm ungrateful, I love that they threw this TV in for almost nothing, wanting me to have nice things. But she did mislead me in it's size and style. If I had the proper space for it, I would certainly keep it.
It just does not work right now.

Sucky Rain.

It's been a fairly busy week, and with the amount of rain we've been having, well, you find yourself exhausted at the end of the day. Not to mention the cold. Forecast "claims" it's about 8 degrees.  TO WHO?
I'm outside everyday and I swear to gawd that it has not been above zero since we've been back at work.
It's the kind of cold you get on the west coast that bites your face & hands when you first step outside.
8 degree weather does not do that.
Shit 8 degrees is almost the beginning of Spring in Vancouver...

So I came up with this theory. Weather networks have all conspired to lie about the real temperature to avoid people bitching or panicking in some cases.  Why? I have no idea who it would benefit to lie about such a thing. I sincerely hope they start getting it right or check the damn thermostat that they are getting their readings from, cos it's way off!

How lame is this that I truly have nothing to talk about other than the weather? Don't get me wrong, I like weather, I'm a little fascinated by it at times.  But who wants to read this? Not me, and I'm writing the damn thing.

On to other news-ish.

Back in November I enquired a new queens size pull out couch, that friggin weighed 1000 lbs.
A king size bed and a 52" TV.  I've had the couch since November and its lovely still. :)
Got the call on Tuesday that I should be receiving the bed and TV tomorrow. WOOT!

Only problem is, since that conversation, I haven't been able to reach my friend to confirm a time of arrival.  And if both or coming or is it just the TV this week? I've moved everything out of my bedroom to make room for the monster of a bed that will take up all its room. I don't want to unplug my TV tonight and move it into the guest room tonight if I don't have too.

I'll call her again tonight, however if I'm unable to reach her, then what?
Assume its being delivered and wait all day?  She's apparently arranged movers for me (which I'll pay for) as none of my friends are really equipped with the proper vehicles to assist. Hmmmmm
I'm sure I'll get a reply tonight.

TGIF!

Blah. Can I have some sugar today?

I woke up in a fairly good mood today, even after a weeks worth of a series of weird dreams I had years ago, repeating them. Deja vu in dreams? Weird.

I have a love/hate relationship with public transit.
I hate it for all the usual reasons: I'm on someone elses schedule, if they're late, if effects my day and arrival time for dates, meeting friends, getting to work on time. Plus people smell and are rude.
What I love about it is; it's a constant reminder that the majority of people out there are STUPID!

Common sense and courtesy- ever hear of them? No, I did not think so.

For the most part 95% of the time I try and be polite and give the right people the right of way.
It's when people who refuse to use any form of common sense and courtesy that I blow a fuse quickly.

Getting off the Skytrain. 
It always surprises me at the stupidity of people who stand directly in front of the doors (instead of the side) and try to push their way on before anyone can get off.  On my short fuse days I've been know to shoulder check people and ask the person in my way, "could you wait until I'm off the train before you try to shove your way through me?" of course with a snarky tone... And more annoyed when they apologize like they were unaware that 20 - 30 people are  pushing pass them trying to get off the fucking train.

People standing on the Bus with backpacks.
This is the reason for my bitchiness this morning.

I'm sitting on the bus and someone is standing beside me with his backpack on, not on the floor like all buses and trains suggest you do to avoid taking up space. How about to also avoid smacking me repeatedly in the head then face!!!!

The first few times, it was just a bump, then it became harder and more frequently. Every time it hit me I should guard my face with my hand and shove the bag back towards him. No acknowledgement from him.
But the second time his bag smacked me in the face (not lightly or soft I might add), cos he was swaying his body out of boredom. I pulled the pack off his back, pulling it to the ground, him partly with it to face level and quietly and sternly told him to take the fucking pack off cos it was hitting me in the face. He apologized and said I should have said something.  My reply was; "I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOO! It's common sense you're standing at head level in a cramped space, what did you expect to happen when you started to sway your body back and forth!?" of course as quietly, firmly and politely as I could as to not make a scene noticeable to the whole bus.

People who blatantly refuse to utilize common sense, I have absolutely no patience for.
Not just on the train, at work, in public, etcerta.

I thought people were born with this sense?
Guess I'm wrong, there should be classes taught in it for sure.

Of course now I'm at work and ran into issues with customs and our parcels being held for reason codes they already have the information too, if they took two seconds to actually look at the fucking invoices!

All this before I've been awake an hour and have had no coffee as of yet. :(
I might drink tonight.

NEW BLOG TO FOLLOW - JESSICA EATS

I originally posted this when everyone was on holidays. I'm posting it again now that everyone is back. :)

A girl (Spanker) I use to work with (I call her Spanker cos she'd spank my booty all the time) started a blog, about food!!!


Jessica Eats will be an amazing blog once she starts getting the post and pictures up.

This is not a recipe or "how to", kind of blog! It is just a diary of what she eats and tries.

It will be fun and disgusting!!!

I only know this cos we've been facebook friends since she left our company and posts the best picture's of the items she will brave to shovel into her cake-hole.

Jessica has a stomach of steel most people would be jealous of!
She is a small person with the appetite of a 300 lb man. Bless her.

Check on her blog from time to time and see how it starts to progress.

I know I always look forward to the pictures on facebook.

Hope you'll enjoy it too.

General ramblings. NYE.

Only general ramblings today.

I've almost completed my 40 before 40.  And finding it much easier now to "just do it", rather than continue to make excuses and put things off. Lack of money is a very valid reason/excuse to not do something or delay it. Regardless of what anyone says. It is.

Looking over my aggressive plan to save $5G and pay off a credit card, it still looks good on paper. 

Making tentative plans with several different friends to go snowshoeing on Seymour Mountain at least once - twice a month until all the snow melts (mid March).

I'm looking forward to owning a car again and being able to get out and about without worrying if my commuting time out weighs my visiting time. 

Cancelling my gym membership. I don't go. I hate the company (I use to work for them) and although I may join another gym, I think most of my work out will be at home with a fitness routine based on self body resistance from a personal trainer/fireman I use to go to school with. He has all my stats, BMI and injury/health history. We'll be doing this solely by email as he lives in Arizona with his wife and kids.
He's been very positive, motivation and most of all, realistic about expectations.

I'm thinking about getting a p/t job at a local pub or hardware store, one day a week. In addition to my volunteering hours on Fridays.  I'll keep you updated. I'm all gungho to get second job but not if I find myself exhausted in an unhealthy way, when I'll only be making $200-$500 a month working 1 day a week.


I attended a NYE kid friendly party with a friend from the Douchebag's circle of friends. This particular friend and I have had a few on/off rocky years with our friendship cos she is the best friend of the girl who the Douchebag was engaged too and goes back to when he's not with me. So without much more details, you can see how and why we've had our issues with our own friendship when we had loyalties to others involved together.

Last year when she learned that I was no longer interested in the on/off again turmoil with Douchebag, our friendship started to blossom again. HRH (the other girl) and my friend have their own issues too. We've agreed not to discuss them. And I reassured her I did not ever want to be invited to any parties where they might attend.  She agreed, but I could sense she felt a little torn and guilty, like she was excluding me in areas where she'd very much like me to be part of.  I confirmed again that I'm okay missing out on certain things cos even though I'm an adult, I've never seen them together in the same room all these years and I do not plan to start.

JD invited me to new years, advising the HRH and Douchebag would not be attending as they were having their own party. She mentioned this was a completely different crowd of people and thought I'd have a great time.  History: I do not care for any of the circle of people she hangs out with. We use to all work together and I have found a lot of them to be less than classy people. Nice people, maybe, however I saw through many of them and the could foresee the dramas unfold, and they always did.  So I made a point of never conversing with this crowd. Besides, the shit they talk about me and everyone else based on hearsay, is enough to keep distance.

I arrived at this party and was introduced. Everyone made a point of chatting me up and asking how I knew JD, etc. Turns out they all met her thru twitter! SCORE, my kind of crowd! People who are not afraid of randomness and making the best of it.
We are all roughly within the same age group, all have different jobs (not all from the same location or company) a whole group of people who are extremely interactive with the city they live in.  Now I don't live in this city, although I use too, I now volunteer at the museum in this town. They were all very excited to hear this, knew some of the people I work with. We even had things in common such as old cars we've own and loved etc.  It was a great crowd of people. And the fact I was the only single person there, I was never made to feel like a third wheel.  In short, they are the type of people I already hang out with.  I was added to twitter and facebook as the night went on and even invited to someones birthday this coming Saturday.  Cool. I'll attend.

JD and I got the chance to chat in private and I thanked her again for such a great party and what a great time I was having. She was stoked.

Some pictures were taken throughout the night and granted my first thought was, shit HRH and Douchebag will see these on facebook. I quickly got over it as I thought to myself, JD is my friend too and we're not going to keep it a secret and they will just have to adjust to the fact that regardless of our love triangle JD and I will no longer be part of that saga.  So she posted them on facebook, tagged me. The part that even made me feel more welcome were her friends commented under these pictures with nice things to say about meeting me. :)

So I'm starting off the New Year on a positive note.

Small goals to inject into my routine.
- Start taking the stairs at work a minimum of 3 days per week, regardless how tired it makes me. Of course unless I'm sick, I'll be taking the stairs.
- Attempt to walk the hill of death at least once a week to start. Rain, snow or shine.
- Make no excuses for the things I do. I owe no one an excuse or reason, its my life and should I choose not to do something, I shouldn't feel that I have to explain myself.
-Try to keep more of an open mind supporting a particular friend, even though I do not agree with her views and opinions while she is on this new journey in her life. Best if I support her from a distances I think. (hypocrite?)
-I will try not to dwell on things that annoy me. Crazy C in particular.
-Might even attempt to date. *gasp* However only meeting men the old fashion way. I'm done with online dating.

I've gained respect for rejection. It's part of the game and although it sucks not having someone return admiration, it is what it is. Have to not make excuses for men who do not make time for me. If they want to see me, they will make the time. Period.
If they do not, I won't keep their number or think of them again after I've felt that I've been put on the back burner.  I plan to see a lot of rejection. Mostly due to my weight.

Now before you get on me for saying that, it's true. I've heard men time and time again say to me and about other women, great personality, but not my type.
Meaning she needs to loose weight.

Now being overweight, people tend to think I should be dating an overweight man. Not true! So not true.  I'm not afraid of some girth on a man but the morbidly obese (gawd that sounds so harsh, but it is a clinical term) I'm not attracted too.
Not while I'm fat,(I'm class type 1 obese - is one step over just being just overweight - there are 4 levels) nor while I'm thin.  This thought pattern is why I do not get bent out of shape when men feel the same way about me. 

I want to be motivated and encouraged by a man fitter than I am. Fair or shallow?
It doesn't really matter, no amount of name calling, bad mouthing me, etc will change the fact I do not want to date super heavy men.  I've tried it in the past and found myself very turned off when it came to being intimate. I've tired it once, twice to be sure before I came to this conclusion that heavy men are not for me.

These are not resolutions by any means.
They are just things I want to improve upon.