Peri-Menopause... ugh Men beware

Ya it appears it might be happening. I've been talking to my sisters and older women in my life about their peri/menopause years. What to expect, symptoms, etc.

All the women in my family have been in peri-menopause by the time they were 40. A few had hysterectomies between 39-45 yr old. I can only imagine what this might say for my future.

A year or two ago my periods changed. I started getting cramps, so bad to the point I couldn't hold up my own body weight. And the mind numbing migraines. Neither of which I've ever suffered from before. Add on waking up in the night damp. Not sweaty at the time, although that is happening now; it's not fun.

In the past month, mostly around the time I'm ovulating, I wake up from being uncomfortable. To the point of realizing I'm sweating in all the wrong places and have to change my pj's. :( Unhappy.

I meet with my new family doctor in a few weeks. Unfortunately, the list of things that are becoming a priority to discuss, is growing. Allergy test, thyroid update, and blood work for my hormones to see where I am in this next "change" in my life.

Temporary New Monkey Job.

I'm no longer temping. For now. I've found a new full time job. It's entry level, and worse, so is the pay. Alas, it keeps me from having to use any EI. Although I've opened a claim (time sensitive) and then closed it. In case something doesn't work out, at least I can reopen the claim, rather than not opening one at all and no longer being eligible. The pay; is so bad, that BEFORE taxes, it doesn't cover my rent. Ouch. I took a 18G pay cut just to stay off EI.

This new job is closer to home. It's taking some getting use to, not having to be up at 530 and out of the house by 630. I don't have to get up until 7am!!!! I won't be there long. It's monkey work. And.... THEY USE DOS! No shit. DOS!

It was a bullshit first day, until I asked that someone else train me, other than the girl assigned to me. Not only did she train me wrong, it appears it was deliberate. Turns out she is leaving next week for a new job, and as a last F-U, she gave me the wrong infor, making my day much longer and frustrating, to the point I almost walked out, it was such bullshit. Towards the end of the day, after talking to the bigger bosses etc, I was assigned someone new to train me. A newbie. Only 2 weeks newer than I.

I'll give it another day. Actually, I'll give it until I find something better...Detour: at the end of the day, I went to say thanks to this girl etc, turns out, she's been let go, a week early. This job is seriously laughable, but it's a job, I guess.

UPDATE: May 23rd.
They showed their true colours sooner than later, so I gave my notice. Told them I received another job offer that paid considerably more, I couldn't pass it up. It was almost laughable when they said they would try and match it, but still couldn't come up enough to pay my rent, (they didn't know that) but wanted me to pass up one (although pretend job) that pays more? HA!

Sure I just shot myself in the foot. A job is a job, right? Then there is the exception. Anyone who's worked for a company that is so poorly run, and trained, does more brain damage to you then sticking it out.

Back to the grind. I've had to switch up a secondary resume as I've been told repeatedly, I'm over qualified. BULLSHIT!  I'm going to find myself homeless soon. :(
I'm employable damn it.

Closed That Novel.

I was watching a chick flick earlier and something clicked, and a light bulb came on extremely bright about my previous relationship.

You would think my next action would be out of haste. Surprisingly it was a very calm moment, and I threw away our past. The gifts. The secrets we shared. The laughs. The special inside jokes. Our memories.

I've let them all go. Not holding onto them.

The songs below use to be songs we'd use to tourment each other, to express love, and agnst etc.  It hurt for a long time in the last couple years to hear them. Cos they expressed our relationship in it's entirety. And now... they no longer hold those same meanings to me. Now they are just songs on the radio.

I can only imagine how bitter and jaded this entry must sound. It's not.

You were that good book I just couldn't put down. Now, I've read you, cover to cover, many, many times. There isn't anything more I could have missed from reading it one more time.

I just took a big breath and let it all go.... Onto the next novel and chapters in my life.

I'll Keep Your Memory Vague.

You'll Think Of Me

Castle In The Sand.

Employment is NOT an option.

I just had one of the agencies I'm using to find employment advise me, she wouldn't apply on my behalf to a position I asked her to.

She is afraid I'm over qualified, and will end up being bored.  I was furious with her and replied the following. "Fair enough, that's considerate. However, let that be my decision. It's my livelihood, not yours, and please do not act as though the choice of whether or not to be employed was an option. This position pays enough that I can pay my bills and rent. I'd appreciate it if you applied to it regardless."

That's what I look for in positions too. Can I afford to live without a roommate, in case he ever moved out.  I know I sound like I have a shitty attitude, but I will not let an agent pass me over for consideration about a position cos she thinks I'll be bored.  You have a job, you don't have to worry about if you can pay August's rent.

In this economy there are people with master's who are working jobs they hate to make rent. How am I any different? A job is a job, and it should be our decision if we want to tough it out.

If I keep running into these issues, I'll change up my resume to reflect that I'm not over qualified and just the perfect fit. 

How much character do I really need? Come on!

I have a mutual friend with The Douche. She recently blogged about their wedding and that she wouldn't be posting their photos, it wasn't her place to do so.

After running into her today, I thanked her for that, while trying not to get choked up on the spot. Cos it simply would have destroyed me. I've managed to never see them together in all the years we've been doing this on/off thing. I wasn't about to start with their wedding.

I'm still not 100% emotionally stable after our last conversation we had last week. A conversation I will never share with any of you. Not to mention all the other things in my life adding to that. It would have destroyed me, to a point of no return. In months to come, I'm sure I'll be fine to handle such pictures, but right now, not a chance. Ya I'm moving on with someone else, but that doesn't mean I can turn that light switch of feelings off. My heart isn't made of stone.

It's going to be a long year of changing jobs, cos I'm convinced I'll spend the rest of the year temping, and building character in other areas. I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm entering middle-age and a mid life crisis. Don't laugh, it's like a biological clock. You can't control this shit.

More recently I've decided that I do need to start seeing someone professionally again.  I don't want to hit rock bottom before I get there, and I'm only a few steps from the ledge.

Building friggin character.

I Surrender..... I Think. Yaaa Pretty Sure.

It's been a tough week and a half on so many levels. Now, I'm ready to throw in the towel at work. Had an epic meltdown at work. That shouldn't happen.

I like the job. I like the work. I can do the work. But not the workload, and don't even have half of it yet. Not to mention the lack of things I need to be trained on, that only another pma can do. We're (pma's = property management assistants) a limited bunch spread throughout Canada. So you now understand why they haven't been able to give me the training I need. Most of which involved my favourite program... JDE Oracle.

They are basic things, but everything is such a damn process. Even a simple deposit refund requires 2, sometimes 3 people's hands to touch it over a course of a week, and if they're busy, it takes longer etc. The longer it takes to get these things off my desk, the more backed up it gets.

My manager is great. Very supportive and reassuring as to what is expected of the position etc, and that it takes a year to learn it etc. Still, at 2.5 months in, I shouldn't be feeling this overwhelmed.
Not to mention, my days are 12 hours long, I work 8 of those, and get paid for 7. Hmmmmm.

I don't quit on things easily. My resume clearly expresses that. I've had 5 jobs (this one being the 5th) in 25 years. Ya, I can clearly tough things out. Maybe it's a mid-life crisis, combined with recent drama's, not eating well cos there isn't time in the day to stop to eat, and then I'm too exhausted to do so when I get home.

Ya ya, these are all excuses and me trying to explain/justify away why/how/when to give my notice at this job. And the stress of job hunting again.