hmph.

Been feeling old this past month and really haven't been able to articulate those feelings.

Went out this past weekend to a friends band and I'm truly exhausted from all the laughing that was had... good times.

A conversation I had with a friend from the band, was all about how he turned 37 last year and something in his life shifted. His romantic interests had changed, and the chase of dating to pass the time was getting old. He now has a wonderful g/f who we all adore! In short, he was able to clear so much up for me, without him even knowing how I've been feeling.

Dating men younger than me or even the same age, who don't know what they want is no longer acceptable. I've been trying to be the future awesome g/f of compromise, I simply can not do it anymore. I'll compromise with a exclusive b/f when I have one.. not before.

I just realized how that sounded, but I'm sure you get the point I'm trying to make.
Its about my wants now. I have specific deal breakers.
...So I rewrote my profile, hoping to attract a different caliber of man.

This year has been hard for everything. Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Birthdays, etc... its all just very hard. Lots of tears. I'm making changes in my life to be a better me, and as easy as that sounds, I some how feel I've lost myself. I'm not sure I know who I am anymore....is this normal?

I know what I want in life, just not having someone special to share it with is getting tiresome. I do not want to 40 and single. It shouldn't matter but it wont stop people from wondering what is wrong with, almost 40 and never been married. I'm used goods.

Joining a gym was the first step to making some changes for me to like myself again.
Not just for my health, but to feel bettter. I'm not liking a lot of things at the moment. I do not like the decor of my apt, my clothes, the fact I dont have a car anymore, my weight, I guess overall I my self esteem is taking a hit, cos I thought I'd be in a different place by 35. I'm still feeling my age right now.