How selfish am I going to be in the following year? So selfish, I'm only doing things for ME, no one else.
That will be hard in itself cos I'm firecly loyal to my friends and helping them when I can.
A few things have triggered this turn of events.
This will be my second christmas alone, only to learn that the family I usually spend it with is actually going to be in town this year and no one bothered to inform me until it was too late, and I can not attend due to my finances being allocated elsewhere already.
Broke up with D after a 13 yr on/off again relationship that had no future.
Tired of people coming or calling on me, only when they need something.
Christmas is hard enough as it is, without feeling like an after thought.
I'm not looking for pity or to be invited anywhere. If it was meant to be, it would have happened naturally.
It didnt.
2010 moving forward I will do things that make me happy and not worry about inviting others.
Christmas next year will be spent on the island surfing. Maybe alone, but I'll be happy.
Going to date who I want under my terms, not worry about what my friends think, cos I'm the one dating him, not them. All input will be heard and considered but in no way will influence me like it has in the past
(you can't date him, his job sucks, he's too short, too tall, in the wrong field, too good looking, not handsome enough).... yes I've had to deal with that kind of input.
Maybe it's the season getting to me, but I'm really just exhausted making sure everyone else is happy and has a way to get to where ever with whomever, and then being neglected myself.
By my own doing or someone elses.
It's another rambling rant. It's how I feel.
I will do what I want come the new year (without being a bitch) if you fit into my plans, lucky you.
Others that don't naturally fit, will just be forgotten by the wayside.
No point keeping people around if you have to work at it having them as a friend in the first place.
Actions speak louder than words.
Scuh-rew the family for not telling you sooner. Mine does this all the time, and I've finally gotten to the point where I'm ok saying, "Hey, you didn't tell me earlier and I've made other plans." It's SO nice, and no one has to pretend that we are all so happy that I showed up to some random dinner. You can do it...2010 is the year of YOU! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Red.... however this isnt my biological family, it's my friends who are my chosen family that pulled this particular stunt.
ReplyDelete(my bio family did carp like taht all the time so I havent spent a holiday with them in years)
In retrospect, I don't believe it was on purpose, I think everyone thought someone else would inform me, and turned out no one did.
I'm looking forward to sleeping late, not fighting or one 'upping' with siblings, or entertaining someone elses kids while the parents visit etc... it's going to be a blissful quiet holiday..... ok and maybe still a little bent, but I'm building character.
xo