He Let Go!......Finally!

Back in December I ended a tumultuous on/off again 13 year relationship.

It wasn't the first time I'd try to exit this relationship and move on.  But he kept coming back. I kept letting him.

There would be spells where he'd stay away for a few months, claiming I was right and he needed to move on too etc. But I could feel him. I could feel him before he would call, stop by the house, or drove within the vicinity of where I was... I could FEEL him.

I went on holidays and never thought about him once. His where abouts. Wondering if he was thinking about me. Not once. :) Upon returning from holidays and checking the house phone, turning back on my cell etc.

Although I did receive calls from siblings that I thought didn't know my name, there was not-one-call from the ex.

Then it occurred to me, I can't feel him.

I sat on it for a few days, cos at some point I'd feel him. Sense him in some way

. .......(sound of crickets).................... Nothing. Zip. Nadda!

My first initial reaction was not one I was prepared for, I was relieved. Not sad, but relieved

I can no longer feel or sense him in any way, shape or form.  It's been almost a week since I realized all this and honestly I thought I'd be a little sad. I'm not. 

After all these years, he let go. He let me go, to get on with my life.

I truly believe I won't be hearing from him again for many years, if ever.

And I'm sincerely okay with that.

Not out hatred for him, but out of respect. 

Realizing, maybe, he finally got it wrapped around his head that I was serious about the things I said. 

If he did not want to be with me 100% then I wasn't available for him anymore.

I had to move for my love life and emotional stability. 

There will always be areas of fondness for him since he was there when chaos broke out in my life.

And sadness that he did not want to spend his life with me.

I almost wish I was a little sad about it.

I wanted to have a life with him for so many years and

to be rejected, well, I've had my closure.

Not re-opening that novel, with him.

Feelings free was new but the nagging that he'd resurface was always there.

But I had control over my dignity and self respect now.

I made the choice to move on.

Now that he's let go of me, I almost feel a little empty.

In a good way though. 

Here's to a new novel in my life. The old one has been closed finally.

He Let Go!

YAY!