On Friendships

On Friendships was written by SimplySolo and can not tell you how happy I am to see her step out of her comfort zone and take her own happiness and stories to be told, into her own hands. She made some excellent points about how much harder it is to make friends as adults than as when we were kids.

That post got me thinking to who I consider close friends.
Like Simplysolo and many others, I've had to let friendships go, and been let go.
I've just gotten to a point where I have to say, "see ya, thanks for the good times and memories, but you wont be missed" There is no point stressing over a friendship that did not work out.

Took me years to learn that. Why would I fight to save a friendship that no longer wants to be part of my life? Sure it always initially sucks to learn that someone you considered close, doesn't feel the same way.
For years I thought I did not get along with women. I found them to be caddy, bitchy, backstabbing, drama filled and exhausting.  Then I learned I was befriending the wrong type of women.  I was letting anyone who was nice to me, in my life. Big mistake. So I slowly took control over who I have in my life.

In the last 20 something years, I've had ppl come and go for a reason. Some where intense and short lived and others were slow and long lasting. Some were simply perfect, like kindred spirits who'd found each other again from a previous and life and you just pick up where you left off. 

I use to think woes-is-me for failed relationships. What did I do wrong etc. Then it came to me from a book I was reading. Maybe I did not do anything wrong. I did not need to learn anything from that particular person. Instead, maybe they needed me for a lesson learned. (good or bad) and it was time to move on.

We always tend to think about what we got out of a friendship. 
Sometimes it's not about us. (ya I know how granola I sound right now)

In the past couple years I've met some great people and completely by random.

Tink & Angela - I met at a hockey game at 4 rinks in Burnaby. (before it was 8 rinks) Our b/f's played for the same team. Once we learned we could indeed talk to one another, we were set. Once the team and b/f's went their separate ways over the years, us 3 stayed together. Through the death of parents, children, weddings, mental illness.  It's been 15 years since we met. We're still friends.

Laurie - I met a reform school. Yes there is my BIG secret. I was a badass teenager.
We weren't bad kids parse, we were just a little too rowdy and got into trouble more often than others. We were completely miss understood. ;-) What I found funny about this particular reform school, is that they stuck 40 kids (our two classes) into the same room and expected us to behave. Are you kidding me?!
38 other kids who are just like you (some a little more deviant and evil) but we all liked to party, be wild and challenged authority.  Best 4 months of my life as a teenager. 

Some of those ppl never did get straight.  For most of us, we did, well we just learned there is a time and place for everything. I'm still rowdy, but I pick and choose who I want to be a child with.
Laurie however, never grew up. She is still that 16 year old I met 23 years ago, and until this year, I never really noticed. Nov 09 - July 10 opened my eyes to all that. She never grew up. And people think I'm square, sweet and innocent.

KimM - I met in a hostel in Tofino while surfing.  We shared a dorm room.  I had just returned from a family reunion in a small town she was from. We bonded over that and Fortino's. Best supermarket on the planet!
For the week I was in Tofino we invited Kim to join us (she had no car there) to dinner, the beach, and to just chill with us. A year later she came to visit me in Vancouver and we went to the Island to meet some guy I had met online. The 4 of us camped for mine and DG's first date, in the rain.  Looking at all of us, you'd never know Kim and I had only seen each other once before a year earlier.  A year after that Kim moved to Vancouver. We've been friends 5 years. Sidenote: although I did not get a b/f out of the deal, Kim however stayed in contact with these two guys and one is now her server provider for her company site. :)

J9 - Applied for a position within my company. Advising her she was extremely over qualified she went on her way. She'd touch base to see if there were any suitable opportunities.  Then we just started emailing each other on a personal level, started hanging out. We've been friends 3 years.

Sheyla - A rep with our company. She would come in and always pay me all sorts of compliments. At first I thought she was seriously crushing on me. When she learned I had completed my intro to full cycle accounting and passed, she brought me a little gift.  She had bonded with me long before I returned the admiration.  Since then, we've bonded outside of work. I bought my couch, bed and big screen TV from her. I've hosted a dinner in November for her and her husband etc. We've been actual friends a year now. Although she would say 3.

My Fedex Drivers - We've befriended each other outside of work.

Cris & Kim O - I met on a dare. A guy was checking out Cris and guessing her age. KimM and I were playing $2 dares. Pot on the table was $8. I was dared to go ask Cris her age without revealing the guy wanted to know.  He guessed she was 32. I said 35.
Walked over to the table, excused myself and asked them first not to punch me after I asked the following question. I asked, she told. We were both wrong.  She was 47. WOW! We've been friends ever since.
She's 50 now and looks not one day over 35. seriously.

There have been many others but you get my point.
It happens. Step outside your comfort zone and great things can happen.  :)

Of course when I say "friends" in regards to these people, I mean we share intimate details, support one another in life etc. Not just passing acquaintances that so many people refer to as friends.

It's not a perfect science and we all will continue to misjudge people from time to time.