I'm great at relationships, bad at dating.
I've felt more rejection from so many different realms of my life right now, I don't even want to get out of bed lately.
I'm trying to trust in the process of actually dating, and trusting people in general. It's not easy. I'm entirely too smart for my own good. Hard to shut my mouth when I know someone is lying to me on any level. How can so many people be okay with that, and just roll with it?
I can't roll with it, when trying to have a conversation is like pulling teeth, and getting two word replies in response. How can you trust in people on any level when their words say one thing, their actions another?
I've looked at myself, changed myself, been myself and still, people seem to think I can be walked on, ignored, and lied too. The only I can do is walk away from those who don't make me happy, or haven't left me in a good mood after talking to them or hanging out. If I'm meh, miserable, or annoyed more often than not after spending time, or talking to these people, then I walk away. Right thing to do right?
Apparently not. I'm not being told to just, "roll with it". What?
After harping on me to have more self respect for myself etc, and not be a door mat, you're now essentially telling me to be a door mat, by rolling with it.
At this rate, I'm going to be alone for the shear fact I'm starting to look like a lunatic.
However, I deleted some people a bit ago from several social media venues. People who were not bringing anything positive into my life, yet causing trouble, for fun. What a difference it's made. Not having those people in my life, prying on what I'm doing, who I'm talking too, and reporting it back to others, cos they have nothing better to do with their own lives.. I am rebuilding some relationships that I thought were best left alone. Although with those few vital people gone from my life, not keeping tabs, we're building a new rapport. It's a start.
Feeling blah. Christmas season is hard enough on it's own, without the added stress of new family drama's and mental illnesses. It's exhausting. I'm slowly bouncing back from the season, though being met with people who don't like me cos I've decided to love myself and respect myself first. It's a roller coaster ride to say the least.
At this age, you'd think shit just settles down. It doesn't. It's the same shit, different pile with more money and better clothes and cars.
That is all for now.
I'm absolutely with you on the lying issue. When did it become normal for most people to tell lies some of the time? If I find that someone is lying to me about some things it makes me wonder about everything they say.
ReplyDeleteI've taken some flak in the past for my anti-lying stance too. My old roommate once said I was "one of those sad people who tells the truth all the time." I think some people think it's boring that I'm not up for lying to people or talking behind people's backs. Maybe it's partly that seeing me with my code of honour makes them feel worse about themselves.
I guess, like so many things, it's a choice between putting up with something you don't like or waiting longer to find what you do like. I prefer the sound of the "waiting longer" option. I don't know if you're online dating these days, but maybe you can insert phrases into your profile about this. Maybe not something negative like "I hate liars" but rather flip it around to something positive like "I'm genuine and loyal... seeking same." I don't know - it's tough when the majority out there seem to have tendencies which we don't like.
i totally understand this feeling your having!! let me tell you ive actually "rolled"with it, i did that for 6 months!!! the biggest waste of my time, i kept thinking "maybe he just needs to open up, he is cute" or "maybe he's just not a talker" but i am so once i realized that i made a vow never to waste my time again... i think walking away from stupid situations and people you dont 100% enjoy and dates that you arent feelin is the best way to ensure that you are not wasting your time!!
ReplyDelete