Sunday night family dinners = FAIL

(update on family/friends dinner July 13,09)
Well the first dinner is not happening.
Couldnt get anyone to reply.
A few things occured when I realized I must cancel this first dinner....
People's manners SUCK DONKEY ASS!
Embarassed to think, I dont have friends who actually like me enough to RSVP or, too lazy for whatever reason, but then spend all their free time on msn, fb, myspace, twitter, or think they'll just show up.
Feeling the love?

This post is going to make me sound like a hypocrite. I think. You decide.

For some time now, I've been being the change I want to see. If anyone doesn't know this already, It's hard! I'm striving to be more of a consistent person. Something I strongly admire in my friends. I want to be more like them. For the first time since high school or maybe ever, all my friends mesh. They get along with each other, communicate outside of my friendship with them, and I love it!

My family dynamic however, is a different story.
I come from a large family. Being the youngest of 6 was an interesting childhood. I grew up the youngest of us siblings, but due to the age gap, I grew up as an only child.
Best of both worlds...I use to think.
Now I think (strike that) KNOW that the animosity towards me, my up bringing is still there.
I use to look at friends and couldn't imagine families not getting along, they did not like their siblings or family, *gasp* was that even possible?

My siblings are all closer in age, grew up together and were bonded to stand up for each other due to the unfortunate situation surrounding them. (biological dad was an ass)
I grew up with a step father who from my earliest memories has been my dad, always will be.

Before my parents passed away, Sunday Night Dinners in our house were mandatory. No excuses.
If you couldn't make it, you have better been dying, or out of town. Otherwise there was no excuse. Everyone abide by this rule. When my parents passed away, I soon realized my folks were very much the glue that held the family together. Almost immediately after their passing SND's seist to exist.

Now, it's all forced politeness. It was at this point, a year or two later, I realized my siblings don't like me. For YEARS, I strived for their acceptance. I needed that. I wanted that.
My thoughts were when family has issues, the siblings always band together etc... that might be true in some families, it is not in mine. Everyone is "one up on ya" or entirely too selfish.

I few years one sibling made the effort to have a family BBQ, everyone showed up, and without fail, everyone started squabbling.... who got what from the estate etc, who's life is harder etc, oh fuckin woes-is-me.. all of them. "wow so glad I came to this".... I muttered under my breath.
Holy crap! with the looks I was shot, you'd think I had said I killed my parents myself or something. For them, this was normal dynamics. For me, it is not. I found it to be disrespectful in general. There was a reason my parents had the estate settled before they passed away, cos they wanted to avoid this all together and made it clear.... like that is going to stop my siblings.

Over the years, I've made a point of calling them on their birthdays, calling for no reason, just to say Hi (which is usually followed by the question "do you need something?") and never expecting anything in return. cos they're usually to "busy" to even call back and say thanks.
Feeling the love yet?

I gave up. I no longer make the calls, (okay I do for two of them)I no longer have the need to get their acceptance, approval, or even need them to like me. Now, that I'm no longer making any efforts, they will call and instead of asking how *I* am, first words out of their mouths are usually along the lines of "hey you didn't call on my birthday", my first reply back is usually, "I'm doing good, thanks for asking". Some will say sorry, others just laugh and get to the point of what they want.

On my 40 things to do before 40, one of those #8, is to start Family Dinner night.
With the stipulation that people actually attend. I put out the emails, calls, return calls. No reply.
I got one reply from a friend, who jumped for joy that I was making this effort and she would be there with bells on. This reaction from this friend doesn't surprise me, cos she has her own family dynamics's that I understand more than I care too.

I finally reached one sibling, only cos her husband called me then passed the phone to her.
(I love her husband, he gets it. and wishes for us all to get along, so I thank him for taking the action, even sneakily to get her to reply) We chat for all of 10 seconds, before she replies. "we can't make it." When I ask why, she says they're busy. I press some more to find out they will be out of town for a few weeks. ..
"that's fine, and the following months?"
her reply: "I don't know"
"well that's really not acceptable, It's on the same weekend every month, either you chose to be there or you don't, you cant tell me you have plans on the third Sunday of every month from now til the end of time"
Her reply: "no we won't be attending, cos *I* just don't want to"
"feeling the love" (of course there was a whole lot more said, but some things need to remain private) anyone with siblings knows how ugly a conversation can turn.

Although that phone call hurt, it doesn't surprise me coming from the source it did.
This same sibling told me two years ago, she wanted access to my bank accounts etc, cos she wanted to make sure I "get back on the right track".... I'm sorry?
I'm employed f/t on my 4th job in 20 years, I live alone, roof over my head, never hungry, not into drugs, I don't have any bad habits, but I need to get back on the "right track". Fuck you.

Apparently in her eyes, at my age...
cos I still rent, don't own, not married or have an exclusive boyfriend to mention of, I'm used goods. She is one to talk, 3 marriages in 20 years, all before she was 38, with men 12 years her senior, but you know, I'm off track.

It's been a month since I put out the first of phone calls, emails etc for this first dinner... only one replied. *sigh* SO again, I give up. I will not be making further efforts to stay in touch. Make peace. I'm at peace with my decision.

Now this is where I turn into a hypocrite.
Although I don't like MY siblings, is it wrong to say that family is important to me?
I love my family back east. They are what families are all about. They hang out with each other cos they like on another, not cos of traditions.

I mean, my friends have become my chosen family, and I couldn't be more thankful for their love, support, just because phone calls, ears to scream into, love without judgement or expecting anything in return, we're there for each other when favors are called upon, and never asking "what are you going to do for me in return?" cos to me, that is what family does. They support, love, be there, just because.

Sunday night dinners will still commence, but with my chosen family. :)
They are my life. My friends. My family.
Actually this is turn into Saturday Night Dinners, then no pressure to leave early etc cos the next day is a work day.

Are there rules for 40 before 40?
I mean #8 is a bust, sort of, does it still count if it's been tweaked?