The beginning of my Mid Life Crisis.

I was talking with my work wife today and the changes I’ve been experiences in the last few months.

Oh shut up, not those “changes” I’m still a few years off from that and I’ve had all my testing to be sure its still a few years away.

Recently on my b-day I had a conversation with AW. At the time he had no idea the things running through my head, however during conversations at our table, he got on the topic of how he felt major changes started to occur in his life after he turned 37 (year earlier) and it was a force he couldn’t describe, just felt it.

I am going through these changes now and have been trying hard to articulate what it is I’m feeling. If not for anyone else, solely for myself, so I can wrap my head around it and get a grip.

Here are a few of the topics = changes. Aka mid life crisis.

Turning 37, things I found tolerable in so many spectrums are no longer tolerable.

~ I could date men younger than myself, as long as they were driven had goals, on their way to being financially stable, etc. NOW… that’s no longer acceptable. They HAVE to be stable. (Even if I’m not, but I’m working on it)

~They had to be mature. Being silly is okay, but you can still be mature when being the biggest dork on the planet.

~Being/acting “cute” as a way of getting what you want, doesn’t work for me, it down right pisses me off, and to the point you may just get punched in the neck.

~ Real stupidity. Just deserves a punch in the neck.

~ Defending “Not wanting kids”, and finding a spouse.
Harder than you think. I’m 37. I’m NOT having kids, it’s a deal breaker, not negotiable. Whoever I end up with has to get a vasectomy.
And NO I won’t change my mind.

I’ll explain WHY to those who need to know, but extremely tired of people asking me and then……..
1) Telling me I’ll change my mind
2) Behaving like I owe them an explanation why.
3) Asking me “are you sure, maybe you’re scared”

Okay first of all, it’s MY decision to make for my life, not you. Telling me I’ll change my mind? Really you know this for a fact?
Am I an evil hag now, cos I’m going against what society says I’m “supposed” to do? If I am, well too bad for you, it’s still my life, my body, my decision, and if you think less of me for it, we can’t be friends. No I’m not afraid of being a mother, or having kids. I have my reasons.

~I want more from my job.
This one is currently eating me alive at the moment. I’m bored. I do not have the work load I was hired to do. I like my boss, but it has to stop being about them and more about me. If I tell them I’m unsatisfied with my position, they will say “oh well, you knew it was a slow position when you took it”…. Well ya, but I was also for a specific work load I’ve never been given.
1) So basically if I speak up, I’ll shoot myself in the foot.
2) If I stay and keep quiet, I’ll turn bitter. Really bitter. I don’t want to go there.
3) Looking for a new job is hard when all that is available out there is for 3rd year university students or grad students for $10-$12/per hour. SERIOUSLY?
I make way more than that and I do NOTHING all day and its still pennies. And the shitty thing is, that there is some poor sap with take that job for that pay. There are stepping stones and entry level, but for mature employees (been in the work force for numerous years) and graduates to making the same as some kid working at McDonalds is simply bullshit.

In short, I’m screwed either way right now. In love, money and life.
A few ways to look at it is, it could be worse, this too shall pass, be happy with what you have (settle).
Does it make me selfish wanting more for my life when it could be a lot worse?
Or should I just succumb to the fact this is my life, this is as good as it gets? I have a job that gets me by but doesn’t allow for savings or a decent retirement , and that I wont find a relationship but will have to settle for companionship with someone I don’t like or love?

Lately there doesn’t seem to be enough stress cries and wine to help me through this one, and I doubt writing/bitching about it will help neither.

Anyone out there been through what I guess is the beginning of my mid life crisis?
Suggestions?
If I don’t come up with a clearer view or thought pattern in the next few weeks, going back to my shrink might be a smart idea, if for anything to get the tools I need to start this new chapter in my life.

I really cant discuss this with friends, cos we’re not in the same place in life.
We haven’t been for some time.
They are all married, second, third marriages, kids in highschool, etc..
I’m in a different spot and have nothing in common with a lot of the friends I grew up with, other than “we have history” but it doesn’t feel like enough now.

I might have to surrender to the fact I’m going to enter my 40’s alone. Living alone, being alone without a spouse. Then 50 will be here and I’ll be stressed as to the fact I’ve never really made enough money to save to have a retirement and will be working at McDonalds to get by when I’m 60. working til I die.


Comment from the Work Wife.
Here is what I think:

When it comes to dating, there comes a time in a person’s life when they realize that they need to be stimulated mentally as well as physically, making it more difficult to sometimes date others younger than themselves. This is also true for friendships. There needs to be common ground. It is definitely fine to get silly at times, but not on a regular, life-long basis. There has to substance to the relationship. You can’t get by on just giggles and shits all the time.

I thought a lot about you not wanting kids being a “deal breaker”. I find it hard, and disappointing, that men would dismiss you just because of that. I know that they may want to have kids, but would they love you any less if there was no family? I believe when you get married it is because you truly love that other person, for who they are. What if you fell in love, and then realized that you couldn’t bear children? It happens to many couples. Would that give him/her the right to leave because they can not have a family? But, on the other hand, you are being upfront about it, which is very honorable of you, which is what is probably scaring them off. What if you two were meant to be together, and he was just dismissing that because of that one factor? I think it would be very hard for me to get together with a man that didn’t want kids, but if I loved him, I would definitely still want our relationship, especially at my age, when starting a family is getting to be too late. The risk factor gets higher and higher with age.

I don’t have any comment on the work issue, you nailed that one on the head.

In general, I think that all your feelings are valid. It doesn’t help you feel or deal with them any easier, but it means that you are normal… sort of J I also believe that things come to people when they stop trying to look for it, or make it happen. I think love and life will fall into place in due time, as for money, well that you will have to go out and seek yourself.