Lately I’ve been having issues with the standards of a friendship.
Petty issue or a friendship dynamic changing?
In my world, my friends live by the same general unwritten rules. Everything is a two way street.
Of course for the most part there are delays for some replies to emails, phone calls, text msg’s, msn, facebook updates, twitter, etc
Due to other obligations like children, shift work, second job, sleep.
I have a friend (who may read this) and we have issues when it comes to communicating.
Here are the issues at hand. You decide….
My opinion is, when I call someone, a reply is in order in a reasonable time frame.
She doesn’t agree.
Here is our last conversation.
Me: hey you’re alive, what new?
Her: Of course I’m alive, stupid question. What’s up?
Me: When I call, emails, text, msn, phone someone for whatever reason (general chat, crisis, confirming plans, making plans) I like a reply. Period.
Her: I’ll reply when I feel like it, or in the mood. We’ve been through this; you know what I’m like….
Me: That’s really not acceptable; I may need/want to talk to YOU specifically about something.
Her: Then say it’s urgent, I’ll reply then. What did you need/want?
If it’s just “hey”, Hey”, how’s it going, how was your day…. I’m not interested in chatting about everyday stuff with anyone, if it’s important/urgent, tell me, I’ll call you.
Me: ummm we’re friends; everyday stuff is a large part of what friendships are. I called to make plans to do something, see what’s new etc….
Her: oh. You can read that on my facebook updates.
Me: I shouldn’t have to. With all the technology available, there is really no reason to never NOT reply.
Her: there are just too many choices, and ways to be contacted, it’s too overwhelming.
Me: That’s a lazy bullshit excuse, no one said you had to use all that is available, pick what works for you, and that is how people will get in touch with you.
Her: nah, they can read about my day to day stuff on facebook, I’ll back to everyone when it suits me.
Me: It may be too late by then.
Her: Oh well.
Her: you shouldn’t be so needy or high maintenance.
Me: My friends are part of my every day to day life and some are my chosen family.
If that makes me needy or high maintenance cos I want to know what is going on in their lives or gawd forbid, make plans with them, then so be it, I’m a high maintenance, needy friend.
Her: okay, glad we agree.
Me: okay, sigh, goodnight, talk to you whenever.
Okay am I living on an alternative planet, or am I high maintenance for thinking common courtesy is expected? I think there is an acceptable time frame for a person to reply and then, there are just bad manners.
Would love the input of all my readers.
Do I continue to try and have a mutual respected friendship, or just accept the fact we’re not on the same “friendship respect page” and let this relationship take fade away to the backseat and stop making her a priority friend in my life?
We’ve been friends for 8 years, and have stopped talking in the past for this exact reason.
She’s a good person, I like to think she is, but can you out grow a person based on something like this that is so easy to fix by just accommodating one another?
You are clearly not on the same page. Friends will come and go and we grow out of some freindship as well. I have good friends that I only talk to a couple times a year, it has become a mutual friendship expectations. Life does go by so fast and we all get wrapped up in our lives. She doesn't see your view and she could be a good perrson just not the same expectations on the friendship. Seems like you would be wasting time to keep reaching out. I would step back and accept this friendship is fading and accept it for what it is - Life is too short to worry about it ... Hope you figure things out ONLY YOU can make this decision regarding your friendship. 8 years is a long time to just throw it away for good. Good luck ~ Huggles ~
ReplyDeleteThanks AD. The "huggles" gave it away lol
ReplyDeleteYou're right and I think I already knew all this. I wouldnt end our friendship based on this, but it definately changing.
Wow! I haven't read something so blatantly rude, written by someone who is supposed to be a friend. It almost seems like she's trying to write off your friendship. I mean, friendships are based on reciprocity. She doesn't seem to want that, or want to make you a priority. You know, one of my friends poses this great, rhetorical question when she is in situations like this: "Is the juice worth the squeeze?" Is it really worth your effort? Sometimes it is... but it's a question only you can answer.
ReplyDeletethanks melissa. we've been through this before and the first time I thought it was woroth the juice. This time, surprisingly not mad, a little disappointed, but people do change and maybe there is something about myself or my life she no longer respects. I know I've had my issues with certain parts of her life that i do not respect, but being a friend, I sstand by her unconditionally for her.
ReplyDeleteI'm loyal by fault until I feel like I'm forcing a relationship with a stranger.
She'll fade to the background and we'll just be casual friends, not priorty ones.
ps. very proud of you for the infor you left on TNR blog.
xo