I really wish there was a book for re-entering the dating world.
I mean I know how to date but I think with the pressure of having to preform and not make asking questions sound like an interview, has become an art.
One of which I can conquer blind folded and make it appear to others we've been friends forever....when I'm not interested. Although now I am interested, I feel over heated, sweaty, nervous that stupidity will spew from every pore in my body the minute I open my mouth and/or dig myself into the friendship catagory.
Ugh.
I figure I'll just be my slightly dorky self with hints of genius that pokes thru from time to time, just not to intimidate the guy.... omg that was hard to write. Anyone else laughing at the fact I thought I could actually pull off genius? I'm smart, and maybe smarter than most people, especially men, when it comes to calling bullshit. Alas I need to find a balance as not to appear over bearing/pushy/high maintenance/or gawd forbid (I've actually been told this one) too independent, for a girl. WTH DOES THAT MEAN!?
I pride myself on being independent. Rarely pulling the helpless female card.
I have my own tools, on my way to being certified to handle/shoot a range of firearms. I make my own money, will drive my own car again, do not need a roommate, think for myself. You'd think (well I do) that men would dig that about me. Oh wait, yes, I forgot to let them be the man..... There it is.
My big dating faux pas. Letting men be men.
By opening doors, paying at times, feeling like the protector and feeling needed/wanted from time to time. I just have to find out how to find that balance without patronizing anyone or sounding fake.
This is all over the place, oxymoron of sorts.
Whilst I'm an independent girlie/tomboy, I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. But....it doesn't bother me to not hold hands, not be kissie all the time-especially in public, although I must admit, in private, I am the cuddle-slut of all sluts that ever were.
Wing it or maybe read a book? You decide for me.
I reckon you can wing it - it sounds like you know most of the answers to your questions already. I don't think all men have to feel like they're the man and you're the helpless woman. But yes, do make him feel wanted (if you want him!) - then if he wants you too I don't think he'll worry about the rest of it. Just my two cents/pence.
ReplyDeleteIt took me a moment to reply because two of your words hit an optic nerve - too independent. WHAT does that mean?? I feel you on the dating for dummies but here's the kicker - even if you decide to allow a man to pretend/show he knows what chivalry IS, you're still in for a long battle because sometimes a woman's attempt to back down a little is mis-interpreted as a sign of weakness of something.
ReplyDeleteYes Matt, you're right, not all men have that "let me be a man" thing.
My opinion? Don't focus so much on your faux pa or a lot of the "how to's" of dating. The biggest issue (I think) is trying to date someone who isn't up front about what they like and want in a woman.
You never forget how to ride a bike, it just takes time to get yourself readjusted to it. Good luck!
Matt79- Thanks. :) You're correct.
ReplyDeleteHangovers - I think when this man said I was "too independent" I tell myself he meant it in the best way possible, or, he meant to say I was intimidating cos I was too independent?
I would never pretend to be weaker than I am.
Once I'm back into the groove of things, I'll be my old dating self again. I'm amazing at compromising without doing a disservice to myself or anyone else. :)
I've learned over the years, the men who feel the need to point out they should be the man.all.the.time are insecure with my abilities. But in the same breath, I like men to be men without being chauvinistic, does that make sense?
There has to be a balance. Each party is going to be better/smarter/faster at something than the other person. If both parties are happy, then there is harmony and bliss.