Afraid of Love Maybe

As you know I went out Saturday with an old highschool friend Saturday. Had a good time as far as having drinks and getting caught up goes.

Although I couldn't help notice he treated it very much like a date all the way to the end. In addition to some casual non creepy comments he made through out the night.

Since then, I've been asked by a g/f if he could turn out to be a romantic interest? I had to think about it...briefly. "No." Was my reply.  Of course my g/f jumped all over me that I'm too picky, find fault in everything etc and should just roll with it. She's rooting for him.

I forgot what it was like to have to defend not wanting to date someone no matter how awesome on the surface or in depth they may be. 

"Romantic Chemistry must be mutual" I muttered.  She just rolled her eyes.

Listen up girlfriends, seriously.  

I know you have my best interest at heart, but it's MY heart that has to have the pitter patter flutter in it for me to be interested. If it is not there, you can not force it just for the sake of not being alone.

So please just fuck off with your lectures about being too picky and should give so and so a chance. I will turn the tables onto you and give you a taste of your own medicine soon.

Seriously.  I'm a grown woman capable of deciding for myself if I should or shouldn't date someone. 

I've already done my pro/con list. Saturday, while ON our date for that matter...

Pro's

He aged very well.

Is handsome.

Total gentleman

Attentive.

Drives a luxury car, although I'm not convinced he'll have it for long.

Gives good hugs. (okay that might have been me, I give great hugs and people usually reciprocate it).

Cons

I'm nor romantically or physically attracted. That should be enough on it's own.

He's starting his own business and is not financially stable, he's scared about losing everything.

He's living with family, and his plans are to live in the office space he decides to rent for his business.

He LOVES to gamble.

He smokes.

He's got bad teeth (yes that is a shallow deal breaker for me) I mean really bad teeth.

So whilst he may be a great guy, he's not for me.  He will be a great friend. I already know that.

And I do sense that he wouldn't mind moving forward romantically, I wont lead him on or keep him on the hook. I'll find my own tactful way of making is non chalantly known I'm not interested.

This same g/f even suggested that maybe I'm more afraid of love than I realize. Since in her opinion I push these great men away. This may be true. However there is a very big difference between pushing someone away from being afraid, although interested, and pushing someone away that you're simply not interested in.

Why does it have to be more complicated than that? It doesn't have to be drama riddled with ho hums and I don't knows....maybe.  I'm not pushing him away from friendship. I'm not encouraging romantic behaviour.

Soooo girlfriends, yes I maybe be afraid to fall in love again, but I am not going to be with someone for the wrong reasons. Enough said. Please do not make me tell you again, or I'll be forced to unleash my opinions about your dating rituals to you.

Now, if I could pick and choose the qualities of friends, looks, past b/f's etc and put together a man I would live with forever, that would be perfect.

I'm looking for something specific and I learn a little more what I want on all dates.

I will find it one day and it will fit naturally into my life. We'll just fit.