Birthdays

It's a friends birthday today and while I enjoy saying Happy Birthday, something about people wishing themselves a happy b-day via social networks or announcing it in public for more attention, bothers me.

I might need a new way to think about, look at, view this differently. If my friends remember my birthday and say something, great. If not, I'm not pouting that no one remembered. Even when facebook notification does it for you, great, if you mention something to me, nice, if you do not, no harm.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact I do not like being center of attention. It causes me to become quite shy, introverted and anxious. Let me rephrase that.  When surrounded by close friends etc, it's all good. However if my friends try and draw attention to me via telling strangers at random it's my b-day, something about that shuts me down.

Two years ago, we went out to see one of my favorite bands play for my b-day. It was low key and everyone I was with were low on funds that year.  One friend mentioned to a band friend of mine that it was my b-day and of course he would sing happy birthday to me etc.. but I denied it was and he got the hint. (gawd bless him for being a good judge of character). No songs were sung in my honour.

Although that same friend, come his b-day, announced to everyone, no matter where we were with, "It's my birthday!!!" Almost like he was fishing for random compliments that he made it this far in life, or wanted something for free. That kind of shit embarrasses me. 

There is a good way, casual way, to bring attention to it, and there is the fishing for attention way.

In addition too not really caring that anyone mentions a birthday wish, I will never plan my own party. Ever.
There is also something incredibly rude about friends suggesting 'we all do something for your b-day' and leave it to you to plan it.  I will not.  I was at the receiving end of a phone call a few years back from a ex-friend bitching me out that I had let HER down by refusing to plan something.  I explained to her with no apologies for the rudeness I was about to unleash upon her, that it is not my responsibility to make a big deal out of it, when it's not my thing. If my friends want to celebrate my life, great, I'll show up. Tell me when and where.  In my mind, that's the equivalent of taking someone for a b-day dinner, then asking them to pay for it themselves. Rude.

I respect my friends when they say, they would love to go to dinner, or do nothing. I do not force them to change their minds to benefit me, it's their day and I will honour what they like. If you're happiest hanging with a few close friends doing whatever, fine, that it your right on the day you were born. If you want a big party, tell us or drop a few hints, and we (your friends) will make it happen. You just show up when you're told too.

Not sure why I feel this way. I've had no horrifying b-days. Okay I have had a few... very disappointing ones, but I was already in this mind set before hand.  How do I change the way I feel about not celebrating or being excited about the day I was born? It's just another day, isn't it?  I use to send flowers or get a card and a treat for my mum on my b-day. She did all the work to get me here.

As I'm writing this, it occurred to me that maybe I started to feel this way after she passed away 11 years ago.  I did not have her here to celebrate her anymore, so why should I celebrate the day at all?

Am I the only one?
Am I a freak of nature cos I do not get my jolly from announcing to people for attention it's my birthday?