Engaged!

...What? Did you really think I meant myself? hahaha no.

A friend got engaged last night to his g/f of 4 years. :) They are going to have the best looking babies. Her = light skinned East Indian. Him = green eyes, blondish hair, and they both have the best teeth on the planet! Too see a picture of them together smiling, you'd think it was an ad for a dentist. Not kidding, their teeth are that perfect. They are certainly a very good looking couple.

It got me thinking, where did I go wrong? lol 
Everyone around me is in a relationship on some level. I don't even have a booty call, someone to snuggle and watch movies with etc.. I could, I just refuse the people who want me, cos well, I don't like heavy drinkers and man-childs.

An ex (see first serious b/f) brought up the talk of marriage once. ONCE! And my reaction to how he brought it up was probably the beginning of the end of our relationship. 

Let me explain....
His Mother and I did not get along....Even now when I see her around town, makes my skin crawl.

We were driving home after hockey practice one night, when he brought up that his mother thought we should shit or get off the pot.  In her mind we were wasting time. His parents had finished university, travelled the world and had my ex by our age.  This enraged me as his mum and I did not see eye too eye on many things, especially being told how I should live my life with her son. At the time I was making the money and he was in school.  I blew up at him. Told him that I would tell his mum directly that while she is entitled to her opinion, it will not influence when we get married. We'll do what's best for us when the time is right for us. I would drive the point home. Shit we weren't even living together.

As it turns out, after I confronted his mum at lunch, her looking all doe eyed at me, had no idea what the hell I was talking about and that she and her husband had never discussed the idea of me and the ex getting married. We didn't even live together yet.  (wow we agreed on something) Though she did express she wasn't impressed why a woman 5 years older would want to be with her son. Confused as I was only 1.5 yrs older and knowing how we came to be in the same grade when we met. We came to the conclusion that the ex was testing the waters on how I felt about marrying him.
Stupid stupid boy.

Note to all men:
When testing out how your spouse feels about spending the rest of her life with you, do not, do not use the person she doesn't like as the source for your conversation. Ugh. 

I was ready to marry him 5 years into our relationship. I would have married him. And enviably we'd be divorced now. We broke up 8 years into our time together. He no longer needed my financial stability, he had finished school and landed a great job.

We're still close 13 yrs later, having explored (years ago) what went wrong so many years ago. I like to think we were each others "starter spouses".  Even admits that he went about asking about marriage the way he did was wrong. (I knew he had a brain) Alas we both agreed the end result would be the same. Divorce. He married the 2nd girl after me, and I spent all these years with the Douche.

How did I get so off track?
Oh ya, I had a friggin mental breakdown after the passing of my Mum. Enter Douche Bag.  This is where my connection with him is bonded. We had broken up for the first time 2 years into our relationship. He continued to be there for me when I was way down. Looking back he used my emotional weakness for his own game. 

I wish I could have seen the real him all those years ago, than just 2 years ago this Xmas.  Although I wouldn't have learned the things I did about myself. Found my strength again. I found me again. This doesn't stop me from thinking about him from time to time, though it reminds me I want better for myself, and that he is someone else's, bound to be, very expensive problem now.

My friend getting engaged brought all this to the surface for me. I want a relationship. I want to be married, however I won't throw myself on the ground if I don't, however I want the ring damn it. :)

I guess a good start is to stop dwelling on the past and move forward. I think I've learned all I can from my past right now as far as men are concerned. I've re-found my values and know I'll no longer put up with being treated poorly in a relationship.  I think I've portrayed that with my more recent experiences with  LC, Crazy C, & breaking up with The Douche, etc..

....It's all baby steps, forward. :)