Old House Guest - Abuse.

November 09 my best friend finally decided to leave a 13 yr long abusive relationship. We made plans for her to move in with me and move forward. Knowing things wouldn't be all smooth, cos well, she was leaving her kids behind.

We had a bunch of issues after a few months with her taking advantage of our arrangements. From her being unemployed and her unemployed b/f being here more often than not. In short I felt she was taking a break from life, adulthood and her responsibilities in life.

You can read about the about it here:
friendship obligations 
oxymoron
dysfunctional

A few days ago, while sitting at work I wrote shut up brain or I'll poke you with a Q-tip as it mentions, I had an overwhelming feeling she wasn't okay and I emailed her.
She wasn't okay. She even mentioned it was funny how I knew when to check on her etc. 

Whilst I've always known we would be friends again one day, THIS is not the circumstances it should begin with.  I had a horrible sleep last night. Not completely unusual when someone close to me isn't well.  I never know it at the time, til it's pieced together soon after waking. Today was one of those days.

LC emailed me this morning with this....

Hi there...remember how you used to say that one day he's going to hurt me and I would always say "nah"? Well you were right. Dislocated jaw last night at 4 in the morning and a few bumps and bruises minor concussion. Fun. I AM all right. I will continue to be all right. I just thought you should know. Another I told you so moment. haha

Let me be perfectly clear here, the "haha" she writes are not the funny haha type, she isn't making light of this, just trying to be strong, knowing I will call her out on it. Until now, she never in a million years thought he'd lay a hand on her. Sure he shoved her, locked her in bathrooms etc even managed to push her down some stairs once, but the way he did it, you couldn't argue she "might" have tripped... the kicker, he stood there and laughed at her in a sinister way.  Right there. That was the moment I knew he was capable of so.much.more.

I called her. We talked for over an hour. Whatever shit we have going on right now is so back seat. We have much bigger fish to fry.

While at the hospital, she lied to the doctors that she slipped.  She couldn't tell them her ex, who she still shares a house with, provoke her to slap him and he close fist punched her, laid her out in return... cos well the kids would be taken out of the house,(who were home btw sleeping, only one claims to have heard it all) and she wouldn't be let back there, as "she started it".  Even though it was a very callus calculated move on his part.

I'm ok..just sore, tired, and mad as hell. It's ok though, I'll be alright. I'm going to see some people Monday about low-income housing and move out. We actually had been getting along pretty good for the last year but I guess people never really change and aren't I the stupid one?  I won't press charges, told the people at the hospital I slipped cause I don't wanna get the kids involved. I can handle this.. not sure how, but I will. 

Understandably she is devastated. Now sure how she will handle it. 

What started it you ask? She found an email (probably snooping - not the point) he wrote just the week before about how much disdain he has for her. All these years I've suggested he actually hated her. Hated women in general. Now it's been confirmed.

We talked a lot.

Actually she talked, I listened. Without sharing more than I already have, I can say I'm very proud of her. She's discovered a lot. Learned a lot. She even mentioned she's enquiring about seeing a shrink. I've strongly suggested for years that it would be a good thing to have professional, unbias help. And that medication wasn't out of the question.  Not that she really needs it, but it has been suggested before. She agreed.

Monday is the earliest she can call about moving into a local women's shelter for single mum's. She has to have a place to live before the kids visit her. Otherwise she would have already just move out etc...

When she was too exhausted to talk anymore, more so cos her jaw really hurt. Realizing she might end up with a very obvious bruise and won't be able to hide the fact that the abusive relationship they'd been having (emotional, financial, verbal) is now a physical one. I think she's more upset with herself for ever letting it get this far and the fact that all of her friends have been right, all this time.

She'd like to think this will not happen again. I am positive it will.  Now that he's got a taste for it and she didn't press charges? What's to stop him?

Should he lay another hand on her:

1) he will not survived another 24 hours on this planet alive. (that's my first reaction)

2) I'll call the ministry myself and have the kids removed from the house. I'll deal with the consquences of that later.

I told her that I would 100% do this, and the simple fact she didn't argue it, even as exhausted and battered as she was, means she agrees with my decision.

Maybe this is one of those things her friends have to do for her, cos even as strong, stuborn, and stupid as she can be, this is one thing she isn't strong enough to do on her own?

For all the years I've known her and dealt with his bullshit, this is the first time I'm genuinely afraid for her life. Really afraid. There's a very tangible chance that next time the hit will be too hard and she won't get up to fight back.

I do not know how much she is capable of taking. Kids or not, the first time a man ever thought about putting his hands on me, I would leave.

It's infuriating why she wont.

Granted, she grew up in foster care from age 12-18 and knows the system better than anyone. Her reasons for being in the system were not from an abusive home, she was too rowdy, though now has a great relationship with her Dad. I can understand that she doesn't want the kids having the life she did, but can this be any better?

Should he hit her again, does anyone know if I can press charges against him? 1) I'm not there 2) it's happening in the neighbouring province.

I'm exhausted. I want to help. I'll call the ministry on Monday and enquire what I can do. I'll speak with my aunt first as she works for them and could inform me of a bit of information, what to expect etc. Cos should they ask me for personal contact infor, I want to be sure of the consequences I'll be starting as a result.

Thanks for letting me vent. 
Not sure how long I'll keep this posting up.

Hug your love ones tonight.
Don't take for granted how easy our lives our compared to another's.
xo