...took less than 24 hours.
I sent a message to this guy cos his profile was NORMAL! 36 yrs old, employed, profile suggested he lived a pretty normal life. He's blocked me since sending me this message, however his profile did not say "hang out" it said "dating, looking for a relationship"
The beginning of his profile mentioned that he wasn't exactly in a good space to be dating due to some personal stuff with a dying friend of his etc... If it's true, that's sad, personally I think it's a line to play the sympathetic card to get dates. Seriously, who puts that kind of information up on their DATING profile?
I sent a quick message saying I liked his profile, we had some mutual interests etc.. and to fire over a smile if he was interested.
Him:
Thanks for the kind words, but I think I made it rather clear that I am not available right now. I'm just not in a good place
to start something new. Sorry.
Me:
Sorry to hear that, but maybe it would be best to hide your profile for the time being, as it is a dating site.
(I didn't really care at this point what his reaction would be, cos the more I think about him posting that on his profile, he's an attention seeker)
Him:
Should I?
Or could putting it in words right at the top of my profile cover it, so that I may remain in contact with friends here? Would that be okay with you? Or are you so self important that I should close my profile and not have contact with my friends here?
I have stated I am not looking to date, my profile is for hang out, (and I do, with my friends here). Nice, the way you handle rejection, and try to redirect it into my wrong doing though. It's very telling about who you are as a person. It took one message and you have shown you like to blame others when things don't go your way. That's awesome. When I am not too stressed out to date, that is EXACTLY what I look for in a potential long term partner, and what you wrote me has such wonderful value, and has really lifted me up at this moment in my life when I needed it most. You are such a keeper.../sarcastic tone off
He blocked me here.
First of all, I do not understand why dating sites offer "friends, hangout, email/talk, not single/not looking" as options. Those are not dating options, those are outs for men/women who are not single to have online affairs. Aren't there other sites out there for those specific reasons?
I would have loved to have replied with more of my recent insight to his last message.
Stay in touch with friends, on a dating site? Really? Red flag. Airing why he is off the market, using a friends illness as a line... Red flag.
My next message to him would have been along the lines of advising I take rejection well, it's part of the game, but to waste space on a "dating site" to stay in touch with "friends" etc.... This first rejection (happy for it) is exactly the kind of drama I mentioned in an earlier post written today. Last year or any of the other on/off times I was single, this is the exact thing I invited into my life, and put up with it. If this is any indication of what's in store on pof again, I won't last long.
Not sure I have any faith in the online process.
But you handled it well...
ReplyDeleteYou're right-- something is WAY OFF with that dude...
Thanks Kas.
ReplyDeleteYour response:
ReplyDelete"I understand. You need to some "me time" to "find yourself." Probably a strong support group here on PoF for you to talk through your feelings and whatnot. Maybe you have a group of other people, all on a dating site but way to traumatized to date, who get together for coffee once a week and discuss the latest Hugh Grant news. On a related note, I googled it and apparently 36 year old "men" are no longer supposed to consider themselves "hanging out" when using sympathy on a dating site to meet women. Accordingly, please change your interests from "hanging out" to "creepin'. Here's to you dealing with your "stress," and sorry my message about dating to a person on a dating site didn't "lift you up." I suggest lifetime movies or Midol- works for me."
Boom! Roasted!
He's totes gay.
Later, chica.
@caleb - I wish I had that wit yesterday. I just laughed and shook my head at his reply. You nailed it.
ReplyDeleteCaleb summed it up - I just don't get it, because he's definitely the only one. I came across my fair share when I did online dating and I don't honestly know why they do it - the whole I'm here but "I'm ready..." Maybe it's a passive thing - they're hoping for someone as desperate and needy as them or whatever.
ReplyDeleteI digress, bottom line Mr Normal is everything but... gah
Yes Caleb is a smart man. He thinks with the brain above his shoulders from time to time. lol
ReplyDeleteIt's been 48 plus hours now and I think my "fresh meat" status has already expired. The amount of views I'm recieving has slowed to the point I wondered if I was ugly. lol Thankfully I've been to the rodeo once before on this site, cos it could do a number to ones self esteem for sure.
The guys that are messaging me and adding me to their favorites and using "meet me" are of the calibur that I scoff at my computer screen and think, "Really, is this all I can attract?"
When my profile clearly states the disclaimer at the bottom... "If you add me to your favorites in hopes I'll message you first cos you do not have a picture, or use meet me instead of messaging me directly, I will not reply. Just saying."
I really do not care if it sounds bitchy. Men have it posted on theirs, cos most know what they want. I know what I want this time around and if the men on POF are too stupid to follow simple instructions of the mail setttings that *I* placed on my profile, clearly we're not a match.
I think it's safe to say, I think my time on POF will be very limited.
I totes nailed that one. Spanks, ladies.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel better, when I had a PoF profile up I got very, very limited attention. And mine was clever, witty, smart, and my pics looked good.
Don't sweat it, chica. In the immortal words of my good friend and 'Nam Vet, "Big Gay" :
"There's no secret to love, Caleb. You just go out, get 'em drunk, and take 'em home and f*ck 'em. The rest takes care of itself."
Love that guy.
If I'm only getting attention from men I'm not remotely interested in, I rather not get any attention. Thankfully I"m not putting anything hope into it this time. :) What happens, happens.
ReplyDeleteBig Gay eh? lol Those are some words to live by I guess.
*sigh* to be 21 again.
LOL Caleb, awesomeness... Great comeback! And yes, something is seriously wrong with that dude. What does hanging out mean anyway?
ReplyDelete@Simm - "hangout" is the new booty call without having to put you're looking for casual encounters. So I'm told by male friends.
ReplyDeleteI've changed my mail settings to also exclude emails from people looking to "hang out".
Only those looking to date with intent of a serious relationship and those looking for a long term relationship can contact me. I've blocked everyone else.
I have enough friends, so I've blocked those that married, not single/not looking, smoke, do drugs, *activity partner*, casual encounters, email/talk and friends. Although it doesn't stop those that are blocked from adding me to their favorites or using "meet me". Clearly they have not read my profile. lol I'm not bitter, just no patience for that kind of blanten stupidity.
IF I wanted any of those things, I'd go to Adult Friend F... That way you know everyone there is honestly there for the correct reasons.
Awesome comeback, Caleb.
ReplyDeleteYou were totally right to call him on it @Just Sayin' Who has a profile up on a DATING site just so he can "hang out" with friends? Isn't that what instant messengers are for? He's definitely not on the up-and-up.