DO we?
There is a saying; "we train people how to treat us". I'm not sure we do. Maybe we do? Maybe some people are just devious regardless how good we are too them?
I have a friend, less a year new to my life. And in the last 5 months I've noticed an increased shadiness taking place. I've mentioned the inconsistencies in her stories lately. She plays dumb. Which in itself, drives me insane, cos she has a memory like an elephant, and can remember the most minuet detail about someone she only met once years before, but can not recall the details of where, what, why, who when asked about a mutual friend of ours? Bullshit. I've tested the waters a few times, even mentioned I had been spending the night at Boy A's house more frequently. Only to notice for a split second reaction before trying to play coy and uninterested.
I've given her many many chances to come clean, even asking her point blank if she was interested in our mutual friend (that I had previously dated, and am in constant contact with still). Or why she gets uncomfortably quiet if I mention him. She claims she is not interested. However, since our mutual friend moved to another city, her FB, and mobile phone indicates she's in his town, a lot. I mean AAAAA LOOOOT.
Not my first time around the block. Knowing she's putting herself in his neighbour in hopes of running into him. I mean they work for the same company, but she drives 40 mins out of her way to workout at the gym at his location, rather than the one 10 mins from her own house and where is she is assigned too.... It's laughable really.
I'd tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. More recently I caught her in a blantlen lie.
Saw her online, and just asked her what she was up too, asking if she wanted to hang out later etc.. She said she was working, and then was going home to sleep. I laughed, cos I know the route she works, and her mobile location said different.
Her: I'm working, then going home to sleep.
Me: oh ya? What shift did you have to work today?
Her: 6am til 6pm.
Me: What route you have today?
Her: New West
Me: Not Ladner?
Her: Huh?
Me: I really enjoyed the pictures you posted of you and your kid at the Ladner Dyke today, oh 30 minutes ago, and a few blocks away from Boy A, whose place I happen to be at right now. Must be a super flexible shift to be in two places at once.
Her: - has conveniently gone offline.
I posted my status update to read: "If you're going to lie to me, please learn how FB and the GPS on you mobile works first...just sayin".
This isn't the first time, she's said she's been in one place, then posted pictures of her (time dated and located added) on FB in a completely different area (usually close to his neighbourhood... as to before he moved there, she was NEVER in that area of town, ever.
What is the point? I've just got off the phone with Boy A,(I wasn't at his house) who has no reason to lie to me, cos we're not dating exclusively anymore, but are still very close, and hangout often. He says he hasn't been hanging out with her, but had noticed the things I mentioned on Fb too. He's a pretty simple guy, and although he did have a romantic interest in her long before I met either of them, he doesn't like that kind of behaviour.
It's just a little to shady for me. If you want to peruse him, go for it.You'll lose a friend for breaking the girlfriend code. But DON'T lie to me about it, cos I will find out.
I'm leaving her as a fb friend for the time being to see how quickly she tries to cover her tracks, then I'll be deleting her. I'm too old for this.
It comes down to the saying though. Do we train people how to treat us? Cos if that is true, what am I doing that gives people the impression that I'm too stupid to notice or will put up with it after you've been confronted?
I don't like inconsistent people, more so especially when I catch them lying to me.
Just curious, but why does it matter to you if she's interested in Boy A? Unless you're interested in dating him? You said you're not dating, so he's fair game
ReplyDeleteAnonymous (J.D.A.)
ReplyDeleteYou should know better than anyone about girlfriend codes.
She swears up and down that she's not interested, and I DATED HIM! That makes him off limits too all friends, forever. YOU should know this.
I may not be dating him exclusively at the moment, but we're still together (romantically and not) very often. She knows this.
If she came to me and said she was interested, of course I wouldn't be impressed, nor would I give my blessings, cos no time has passed. But at least I could respect her for being honest, instead of shady.
In short, it's not just about the boy, although it's a big part.
First off, I'm not the person you're assuming I am. I'm just a regular reader who follows your blog.
ReplyDeleteSecond, you're just assuming that the girl is lying and the guy's being truthful. With all the experience from what's on your blog you think it's impossible that he may be lying to you about seeing her? If your reactions on your blog are anything to go by, I'd also be afraid to admit that I was in fact seeing the woman ind question. Girlfriend code?! Are you still at college? You're an adult. That doesn't even apply. You don't control either of them. If they're into each other, you just have to accept it. What kind of friend tries to "catch" another friend out? You have these impossible standards for both friendships and relationships. Then you get angry when no one can live up to them. When measured by those standards event you fall short
ReplyDeleteAnonymous.... you be valid points. I do have high standards of what I expect in friendship and romantic relationships. Its not the first time I've been told this.
I am an adult, and girlfriend codes still exist. If they were to hook up, you're right, not much I can do about it. Although they'd both be down a friend. Its a matter of what's mor important.
I only bitch about things that piss me off. I could post entries all the great things going on in my life and the amazing friends I do have, who are consistent, have a moral compasses, and respect their friends.....rather than trying to get something for nothing etc.
There is much much more to the back story, I'm not sharing it all.
I try not to surrounded myself with inconsistent people. It actuallydrives me a llittle nuts. There is acceptable things to let slide and blow off, an other are things that are not acceptable.