Good-Bye

Good-Bye 2011.

Good-bye to a job I was tired of, but comfortable in.

Good-Bye to my best friend LC.
Our relationship didn't last cos you went back to an abusive relationship. Or that I stopped trying to protect you, caring for you, or even just tried to keep the remainder in tact. There just simply was no point holding on anymore after you let go and stopped caring yourself. The good time will be remembered, nothing else. You're on your own now. God Speed for your safety.

Good-Bye to shitty friends who only call when they need something.

Good-Bye to old romances. Not all were bad, but nothing more to build on or have fully run their course.

Good-Bye to old acquaintances who inquired about specific details of my life. Then stirred pot for fun etc. Surprise! Bet you weren't aware how much I actually knew,  how much we all knew. Fed you a bunch of bullshit just to watch you spread the love. Thanks... friend.

Good-Bye to people who all are all excuses and no action.

Good-Bye to those whose actions continuously tell their true feelings over their words.

Good-Bye to going out of my way and making people always feel welcome, wanted and never left out, when it's never once been returned. Still haven't decided which is harder; spending major family oriented holidays alone, or ones revolving around friends? Don't worry about me, but gawd forbid if you ever have to spend it alone. I won't be the one making sure you're included this time.

Good-Bye to one way street relationships. If I've always had to call you first, for anything, and it's never been you calling first, you're history to me now.

Good-Bye cheating men of 2011. I believe you'll be harder to rid of, cos you're all so damn fucking sneaky about it until I've already started liking you.

Good-Bye 2011. You'll be remembered. Not missed.

I've finally had my full blown inconsolable stress cry. Now I can get my shit together. Deleted many people from my phone and facebook. Not even going to concern myself if you'll call me. You're dead to me now. 

2012 is still 30 minutes away and it's already started on a positive note. I've enrolled in two classes. Jan - April. Then maybe 1-2 more. I won't take classes in the fall/winter. Only in Winter/spring/summer programs. I've been looking at schooling the wrong way all.these.years. Instead of looking at it as a headache, I've started looking at it as I'm investing in myself. Ya ya I know, it took a friggin long time to come to that conclusion.

There are a few positive things I'll take from 2011. 
A few new people in my life. You you who you are. Thank you.

Good-bye to being loyal longer than necessary, always thinking of others first, being fair, kind, and quiet. 2012, you're in for a rude awakening.

Bring it on 2012. I'm ready. I'm for new beginnings. :)

I have lost ALL faith in men....

You know how facebook's sidebar will occasionally show you "who you might know"?...... Ok.

I can't sleep. It's 01:30am. I'm playing on facebook and who do I see, but a guy I met on that plenty of fucking liars place dot com. A man I nicknamed "The slowly processing twit". Arbolog, you'll probably remember this one....That was being kind, and yes that is what I named him. He was good on paper. He liked me. I liked him, but not enough to move forward. It just didn't click.

I clicked on his profile and whola, his profile is public. Let the creeping begin.  click, boring pictures, click, more pictures of his cat, click......stop. stares. WTF!?

He got married a month after our last date! W.T.F?!!!

So was meeting women openly on that plenty of fucking liars place dot com a last ditch to get your feet wet before walking down the isle? We had 4 dates in total. Two of me going to Parksville, two of him coming here.  Okay, I'm not upset we didn't click, I'm pissed that his intentions were never real and he wasted my time, time that I could have been wasting with someone who actually gave a fuck.

Someone please, for the love of Gawd, please, please, explain to me why men do shit like this?

We stayed in touch on/off for a couple years after that. He had said he got serious with someone while finishing up his masters in business, but that was it. I didn't ask more, he didn't offer. A tad serious more I'd say, YOU'RE MARRIED!

Geez, and men wonder why women are jilted, jaded, and non-trusting. No shit Sherlock. FML.

Moving forward, you can refer to me as Good Luck Chuck.

Make that count 16 now. In the last 6 years, anytime I've been single for even the briefest of moments, the men I've dated have either married the girl after me, or have gone back to the girl before me. If they didn't marry, they attempted at becoming 100% committed.

I think this is my roll in the world of dating. To be that person that makes that particular man see what he's missing and run back to his ex or marry the next one.

F.M.L.

Handy Woman.

Victoria over at Advice From a Single Girl wrote this post about being self efficient when it came to fixing the shower head in her recently reno'd apt. Well done lady!!

It gave me a story to post. Although not nearly as exciting as her story, but when you're strapped for writing a novel about your holidays (see still wrapping head around the events) this will have to do.

This past summer, I was painting and one thing led to another, I ended up pulling out all my tools laid out in a closet, realizing, I actually needed a tool box. Shopped around at a few places over the week about the size I liked.  I went across the street to a smaller store of a giant company and was greeted by a friendly gentleman.  Upon asking about the prices and comparisons to a similar one, he asked who the tool box was for.... 

[The toolbox I picked out for myself was a 24 in long box with a second pull out tray inside and a few compartments for nails,screws, and misc bits etc. Something I can grow into, or at least hold the tools I have.]

.....Upon learning the box was for myself, he shook his head 'no', and lead me over to the much smaller toolbox buckets. Advising me that I would not need anything bigger than that. Looking at him dumbfounded, I simply smiled, walked back over to the boxes (not buckets), while I explained I could overspill that bucket right now, and that this is what I'm interested in.

Annoyed with me now, shaking his head asking what I could possible need a box that big for? I said thank you, walked up to customer service and asked to speak to someone else.  I ended up with the manager who was more than happy to stick to business and just tell me what I wanted to know. Along comes the now grumpy old man, interrupting the manager that he's already helped me, explaining what he said,and I wouldn't listen to him!! lol

As nicely as I could, I snarked at him asking who he was to decide how many tools I have. Shit I have my own friggin power tools! (RAWR). The manager apologized to me trying not to laugh himself. As it turns out his wife is the handyman around the house and completely understood where I was coming from.

Long story short, I didn't buy my box from them, the price difference for the same box was almost a $20 different from a big boxmart store. And.... there is a little room left over to grow into.

I love how there are people out there who just assume women are inferior or incapable. Any woman who's lived alone or had brothers or a Dad growing up probably knows how to change her own oil, a tire, tinker with her own engine, can fix some plumbing around her home, and drill, plaster and even know some electrical. (not me that shit scares me). However if you're my friend Elizabeth Singleton, she has mega power tools as she reno's homes. RAWR!!!

Updates to Come

Hope all of you had a great Christmas and are gearing up for a brand New Year.

I have a few posts brewing, but you'll have to wait until I've wrapped my head around all the information I've absorbed, along with the exhaustion that is my life at the moment of looking for a new job.  Even with the assistance of a few generous, talented and very well connected people... I'm freaking out a little.

Christmas with part of my family was a success! I stayed sober the majority of the time. Just wasn't in the mood. My family is still loud, know it all, and one uppers on you. It was a good time. Next year, I might, might host a small Christmas at my house.  It's a nice thought, but my place is smaller than my sisters, (not by much) and yet it would be total chaos. Total. As I'm writing this, I'm rethinking it all together. Maybe just a random dinner would do. :)

More updates later.

Happy New Years!

My Husband

I met my husband last night.

I know his name, what he looks like, right down to what he sounds and smells like. He has dark hair, light eyes, proportionate body, 6'2", 30 something.

He's military, is stationed on the same ship as my friend Leyley. Wants all the same things I do, and more importantly, never wants to live outside of BC, Canada.

There are only two issues:

He's engaged to someone else.

I met him in my dream.

Yup. In my dream. Though I can see what he is wearing, all our surroundings (a familiar place, though one I haven't been to yet... Leyley's cabin in Cowinchan). I can smell & hear him. I know his voice. Should I ever hear it, I'll know it at that moment. Sort of how a parent who gives a child up for adoption can recognize them or their voice 20 years later. I'll know him the second I see or hear him.

It was an instant mutual attraction, it works out, but unsure of all the in between stuff after meeting and before we marry.

There is love at first sight, which I've had the blessing of experiencing twice and then there is love before you've even met the person, where you've dream them into life.

Call me crazy or the ultimate hopeless romantic.

I know this man. I already love him.