Recently went back east with 2 of my 3 sisters. The first 2-3 days were great. Then it went to shit in a hand basket. My one sister ruined my trip. So much so, that I probably wont ever talk to her again.
She drank excessively, daily. Like 2-3 bottles of wine every day. Every day! Would throw the biggest hissy fits in public if we (the other sister and I) wanted to do something else. Her behaviour was inexcusably appalling.
Lots of bullshit. She refused to take pictures of our one sister, cos in her words "why do I have do everything". I'm sorry, this isn't about you.
Made up a rumour about a male friend of mine who drove an hour to see me for 2 hours. She had decided that this was our first date after meeting off a dating site. Well that's wrong. He's married, and we skype monthly. We met thru a mutual friend on FB but had never met in person, until now. 5 years later. Not to mention she would lift up her dress and flash ppl. All immediate family btw. Did I mention she's 55, and the other sister (disabled) is 59.
She yelled at me out of the blue that I needed to respect her, listen to her and do what she says cos she's older!! Umm sure if I was 6! and not a middle aged woman already. I could have kicked her.
If she couldn't turn any conversation back around to her, she would seriously pout. Arms crossed, lip out and sulk. I have pics, but sadly I won't post them here. She had her nerve to say to one cousin. "why are you asking her about her life, her life is boring". well then.
The disabled sister was getting sick. We had been keeping the air conditioning in the hotel room pretty low. I mentioned we have to find a happy medium. Her response, "well I need it cold or I'LL get sick",.
I'm sorry, when did you become the voice that decides our disabled sister's health isn't as important as yours?
She called hotel security to come looking for me after a guy she had been flirting with,(she's married) realized we knew each other thru mutual friends, and went out for a night cap. She had decided we were having an affair, and would tell anyone, including staff if they'd listen. Security did find me. I explained who the man was to me, thanked him for his concern, and I would deal with my sister later.
We went to Niagara on the Lake. The other sister had never been to Niagara Falls, and the horse/carriage ride we were on, offered to take us there at no extra charge. She threw a fit, cos she didn't want to go, cos SHE had already been there. Again, not all about you.
I advised her one night, that I wasn't interested in going to dinner with her and her friends, I was going to enjoy a night by myself, dinner, pool, spa etc. She threw an empty wine bottle at me, screaming that I was a selfish self centred bitch, and how disappointed her friends would be. I'm sorry if hanging out with your friends, ones I haven't seen for more than 2 hours, 20 years ago and listening to you exaggerate stories I've already heard a thousand times doesn't interest me,or offends you. This is my trip too. I am not under your control. Considering I paid for 1/2 this trip for the 3 of us to go.
The icing on the cake, was when at one of the aunts houses, she got up in our 83 yr old aunts face, with her finger out, yelling, "get up off your lazy old ass, and have a fucking drink!"... repeatedly.
It wasn't until I heard it as I came inside the house from the yard, that I told her to watch her manners, and to be respectful. She came at me, more like charging at me, fast enough that my first reaction was to push her away, twice. The second time she fell backwards. So I sat on her, holding her down. Until the cousins came into the house (I'm sure the aunt went and got them) and pulled me off her. By the time they arrived, she was already telling anyone who would listen that I beat her up. *sigh*
The aunt asked us to leave. Which I do not blame her one bit. I stayed behind and let the two sisters go. The aunts and I had a great visit. Discussed a lot of topics at a normal noise level. lol
The last family bbq, she was forewarned to watch herself from the cousins. That there would be children, and protective dogs there. Her behaviour from the last couple bbq's would not be tolerated here....she pouted the whole time, and in 4 short hours, managed to down 2 bottles.
She ruined my trip. 10 days. I almost got my own room, but instead spent a few nights in my acquaintance's room whom I'd been having night caps with. I made him call his wife and explain. She was okay with it. He was a gentleman the whole time. Although my sister would make crude comments about how she hoped I got fucked good.
When we got home, Vancouver had had a big storm the day before. Arriving at my apartment, wondering if I'd have power or not, I knew I didn't the day before as the roommate had texted me. We pull up and her final insults were spewed. "why do you have power and we don't?" Her husband said, "Well hun, that's not how it works". She yelled, "We have the nicer place, we should have it first! This isn't fair that this dumpy apt gets it before we do!". I grabbed my bag, thanked my brother in law for the ride and walked away.
I'll go back on my own in a year or two. Without her.
Since our return, she has left several abusive messages. She's always been high maintenance, and always slightly rude, but this was a whole new level. I've had numerous calls from different siblings (there are 6 of us), asking wth happened. For the ones I chose to talk to, I explained they should know better than to believe the crap coming out her mouth.
What visits I did get in, were nice. It was an eye opener for a lot of us to see her behaviour so appalling.
Sunday, 20 September 2015
Saying No to Others, Is Saying Yes to Yourself.
It's amazing when you put thoughts, and feelings into actions.
In the last 5 months, a lot of changes have been made.
A gf, my roadtrip buddy,ended our friendship, only days after meeting and hooking up with a guy. The guy, was my date 5 days earlier. I was willing to look past that, cos they had a connection. But no, she made that decision for the both of us, and simply blocked and deleted me from her life.
At first I was super pissed. Cos I hadn't done anything. If taking the higher road makes me the biggest bitch in the world, then I guess there is a special place in h3ll for me. Surprisingly, it didn't take me long to get over it. We hadn't been friends for the last 6 years. Reconnected, and I was thrilled with that. We didn't last a whole year. That is on her. All her.
I asked myself why was I trying to make things better with someone who 1)did me wrong 2)deleted me from her life. So I stopped. And it was liberating. So much so, I decided to let go of some people in my life that I'd been holding onto for too long. Cos we had history, or there were some good times.
I reevaluated 6 ppl. 6 ppl who are no longer in my life. No big dramatic fights or goodbyes, I simply deleted them from social media. My phone. All conversations.
The one that was pretty hard was my best friend of 28 years. A friend who in the last 1.5 yrs refuses to TALK to me on the phone, and only texts me when her kids or the monster that beat her up isn't around... or if she needs something, then she's got all the time in the world. There are a lot of things that led up to this, not just her neglect on our friendship.
Only a couple months ago, I asked for her address, cos she been moving around a lot. Her first reply, "why?" and never did give it to me. She comes to town twice a year, and can't make time for me. Not even an hour. This year was no different. This time I knew when she was coming to town. I deleted her from my phone Aug 5. Aug 8th, she texts me "hey, I'm in town, coffee next week?" I didn't reply, and deleted her from all social media. Why msg me at all and go thru the motions of pretending you're going to make time for me the following week, when you leave in 2 days? She is aware we're not friends anymore, after she deleted all our mutual friends. IF they had they're own rapport, why would that be necessary? Not my problem.
The saying "Sometimes, you have to play the fool, to the fool, that thinks they're fooling you."
And that's how it felt.
In the beginning I was sad to let these ppl go. I mean I'm going to miss them. But not the friendships. The neglect. Lack of manners etc. However, it turns out, all the self-help and positive readings I've been absorbing has truly helped me realize my self worth. Not ONE of the 6 ppl have made any to get in touch with me once they've realized we're not friends. Either thru realization of social media connections, word of mouth. It only reconfirms my decision to let them go, were the right ones. The hardest decisions to make, are usually the right ones.
Onwards, and upwards. I'm not perfect, but when you let go of the negative influences, that become your negative influences, it really does open up life to new ppl and things in a positive way.
In the last 5 months, a lot of changes have been made.
A gf, my roadtrip buddy,ended our friendship, only days after meeting and hooking up with a guy. The guy, was my date 5 days earlier. I was willing to look past that, cos they had a connection. But no, she made that decision for the both of us, and simply blocked and deleted me from her life.
At first I was super pissed. Cos I hadn't done anything. If taking the higher road makes me the biggest bitch in the world, then I guess there is a special place in h3ll for me. Surprisingly, it didn't take me long to get over it. We hadn't been friends for the last 6 years. Reconnected, and I was thrilled with that. We didn't last a whole year. That is on her. All her.
I asked myself why was I trying to make things better with someone who 1)did me wrong 2)deleted me from her life. So I stopped. And it was liberating. So much so, I decided to let go of some people in my life that I'd been holding onto for too long. Cos we had history, or there were some good times.
I reevaluated 6 ppl. 6 ppl who are no longer in my life. No big dramatic fights or goodbyes, I simply deleted them from social media. My phone. All conversations.
The one that was pretty hard was my best friend of 28 years. A friend who in the last 1.5 yrs refuses to TALK to me on the phone, and only texts me when her kids or the monster that beat her up isn't around... or if she needs something, then she's got all the time in the world. There are a lot of things that led up to this, not just her neglect on our friendship.
Only a couple months ago, I asked for her address, cos she been moving around a lot. Her first reply, "why?" and never did give it to me. She comes to town twice a year, and can't make time for me. Not even an hour. This year was no different. This time I knew when she was coming to town. I deleted her from my phone Aug 5. Aug 8th, she texts me "hey, I'm in town, coffee next week?" I didn't reply, and deleted her from all social media. Why msg me at all and go thru the motions of pretending you're going to make time for me the following week, when you leave in 2 days? She is aware we're not friends anymore, after she deleted all our mutual friends. IF they had they're own rapport, why would that be necessary? Not my problem.
The saying "Sometimes, you have to play the fool, to the fool, that thinks they're fooling you."
And that's how it felt.
In the beginning I was sad to let these ppl go. I mean I'm going to miss them. But not the friendships. The neglect. Lack of manners etc. However, it turns out, all the self-help and positive readings I've been absorbing has truly helped me realize my self worth. Not ONE of the 6 ppl have made any to get in touch with me once they've realized we're not friends. Either thru realization of social media connections, word of mouth. It only reconfirms my decision to let them go, were the right ones. The hardest decisions to make, are usually the right ones.
Onwards, and upwards. I'm not perfect, but when you let go of the negative influences, that become your negative influences, it really does open up life to new ppl and things in a positive way.
Saturday, 8 August 2015
Stepping Stones...I'm not afraid to slip anymore.
It seems that building character and growing, never ends.
This time, it's all for the better.
I broke up with two longest friendships. One of 39 years (my mums best friend) and my best friend of 28 years. Neither of which have been bringing anything positive to my life in years. It's not a big dramatic ending. I simply decided I'm worth more. I deleted them from my phones, and all social media.
Since then, I've cried. A lot. One, for grieving the end of long relationship, that weren't enough, or too much.
Second, crying to release all the bad, negative energy they've encapsulated me with over the years.
I honestly thought I'd make this decision, wake up the next day, and be brand spanking new. That's not what's happening at all. I guess it takes time to release.
I was told once, the hardest decisions, are usually the best ones. This seems to be ringing true.
I'll miss the good memories, and even the persons. Although I won't miss the negative ongoing drama.
I reject the drama. I have my own well being and mental health to consider. If that makes me selfish, so be it. It's ME time. Me first. I know I've said it before. Many times even. It's been a ongoing process of stepping stones. Ones I'm no longer scared of slipping on.:D
Another break up.. A co-worker.
Her drama, she has more than half the office involved in... her personal life affects her work load. Which in turns affects other departments. I do not have the energy to help her. I've advised her, I can not be there for her. She is only to come to me for the positive stuff. I'm not equipped to deal with her drama, especially when she has no intentions of doing anything about it.She was annoyed and said I was abandoning her in her time of need... My response was, are the other 9 people you confide in, not enough? Come on seriously, even work gave her a private loan. A substantial one, cos she's beyond in debt, yet, refuses to pull her kids out of private school. Wont drop the nanny. Or the maid. Has three cell phones. (1) for boys (2) one for her ex and kids (3) I'm not even sure why.... I'm sorry, but if you're living way beyond your means, and can fix it, but won't, or even attempt.... I can't be around you.
As this may read as a negative post. It's not. It's a very huge step forward, in a great way.
This time, it's all for the better.
I broke up with two longest friendships. One of 39 years (my mums best friend) and my best friend of 28 years. Neither of which have been bringing anything positive to my life in years. It's not a big dramatic ending. I simply decided I'm worth more. I deleted them from my phones, and all social media.
Since then, I've cried. A lot. One, for grieving the end of long relationship, that weren't enough, or too much.
Second, crying to release all the bad, negative energy they've encapsulated me with over the years.
I honestly thought I'd make this decision, wake up the next day, and be brand spanking new. That's not what's happening at all. I guess it takes time to release.
I was told once, the hardest decisions, are usually the best ones. This seems to be ringing true.
I'll miss the good memories, and even the persons. Although I won't miss the negative ongoing drama.
I reject the drama. I have my own well being and mental health to consider. If that makes me selfish, so be it. It's ME time. Me first. I know I've said it before. Many times even. It's been a ongoing process of stepping stones. Ones I'm no longer scared of slipping on.:D
Another break up.. A co-worker.
Her drama, she has more than half the office involved in... her personal life affects her work load. Which in turns affects other departments. I do not have the energy to help her. I've advised her, I can not be there for her. She is only to come to me for the positive stuff. I'm not equipped to deal with her drama, especially when she has no intentions of doing anything about it.She was annoyed and said I was abandoning her in her time of need... My response was, are the other 9 people you confide in, not enough? Come on seriously, even work gave her a private loan. A substantial one, cos she's beyond in debt, yet, refuses to pull her kids out of private school. Wont drop the nanny. Or the maid. Has three cell phones. (1) for boys (2) one for her ex and kids (3) I'm not even sure why.... I'm sorry, but if you're living way beyond your means, and can fix it, but won't, or even attempt.... I can't be around you.
As this may read as a negative post. It's not. It's a very huge step forward, in a great way.
Friday, 10 April 2015
Pregnant, Peri-menopause, Men, Love, Friends.... It's a novel.
I've been looking back on my post, and sadly realize I haven't logged on since Xmas. oops.
I can't even say, I've been reading any of you. I haven't. I'm sorry. I do miss you. I'm catching up...right now!
Nothing much is going on.
I'm working with a personal trainer. Took up golf lessons, and turns out, I have some natural talent. woot woot. I gave up on love, and went to delete my dating account, only to meet a man, who, if he is everything in person, as he is on the phone.. I may not be single much longer... :D
okay, back to the title of this post. Just general updates really.
I'm 16 days late for my period. 2 months ago I was 10 days late. All HPT have been negative. Although this one being the longest, I'm making a doctor apt. Simply for the fact, if it's ectopic, I want it taken care of, before it takes care of me! Otherwise, I think my doctor will have a hard time denying any longer that I'm indeed/probably peri-menopausal. All the women in my family were smack-dab in it by their early 40's. Exactly where I am now. MIDDLE AGED! fml. At least I don't look my age. I'd say 5 years younger.
Men:
There are two. One is in the running. The other I've dropped into the friend zone. He brings everything to the table I'm looking for... sadly, I'm not attracted to him, physically, or emotionally. Mentally I am. It's not enough so I've discovered. He'll be a great friend, and I'm going to enjoy his company immensely , should he be okay with only being friends.
Love:
I'm still in love with the ex. We've making efforts to be friends. We get along etc.
With my luck, when the man in the above paragraph obtains my love, my ex will probably decide he wants to be with me. I'll deal with that, when/if that happens.
Friends:
The gf who gave me an ultimatum learned it was a stupid request. She still has made no effort to delete my ex from her life. I call her out on stupidity, with a mixture of support. I rarely see her in person anymore.
I've made no excuses for deleting people from my life that do not pose a positive outlook. Don't get me wrong, we all have a few friends we love to bitch too etc.. but they do not need to be the dominant presence in our lives. :D
In all the years leading to this moment. I own who I am. I like her. I'm learning to love her. I'm giving her a break. It doesn't all need to be black and white. There is a lot of grey areas, and many, many, stepping stones to go. Failure doesn't have to be a negative. You tried it. Decided if it was stupid, fun, lame, awesome..... and went from there. The point. You tried it. Poo-poo it after you give it a fair chance. Whatever it may be. :D and that's the new way I roll.
Ladies and gentlemen... that's all I have ... today.
I'll make more effort to post more. If not for you, for myself own sanity. :D
I can't even say, I've been reading any of you. I haven't. I'm sorry. I do miss you. I'm catching up...right now!
Nothing much is going on.
I'm working with a personal trainer. Took up golf lessons, and turns out, I have some natural talent. woot woot. I gave up on love, and went to delete my dating account, only to meet a man, who, if he is everything in person, as he is on the phone.. I may not be single much longer... :D
okay, back to the title of this post. Just general updates really.
I'm 16 days late for my period. 2 months ago I was 10 days late. All HPT have been negative. Although this one being the longest, I'm making a doctor apt. Simply for the fact, if it's ectopic, I want it taken care of, before it takes care of me! Otherwise, I think my doctor will have a hard time denying any longer that I'm indeed/probably peri-menopausal. All the women in my family were smack-dab in it by their early 40's. Exactly where I am now. MIDDLE AGED! fml. At least I don't look my age. I'd say 5 years younger.
Men:
There are two. One is in the running. The other I've dropped into the friend zone. He brings everything to the table I'm looking for... sadly, I'm not attracted to him, physically, or emotionally. Mentally I am. It's not enough so I've discovered. He'll be a great friend, and I'm going to enjoy his company immensely , should he be okay with only being friends.
Love:
I'm still in love with the ex. We've making efforts to be friends. We get along etc.
With my luck, when the man in the above paragraph obtains my love, my ex will probably decide he wants to be with me. I'll deal with that, when/if that happens.
Friends:
The gf who gave me an ultimatum learned it was a stupid request. She still has made no effort to delete my ex from her life. I call her out on stupidity, with a mixture of support. I rarely see her in person anymore.
I've made no excuses for deleting people from my life that do not pose a positive outlook. Don't get me wrong, we all have a few friends we love to bitch too etc.. but they do not need to be the dominant presence in our lives. :D
In all the years leading to this moment. I own who I am. I like her. I'm learning to love her. I'm giving her a break. It doesn't all need to be black and white. There is a lot of grey areas, and many, many, stepping stones to go. Failure doesn't have to be a negative. You tried it. Decided if it was stupid, fun, lame, awesome..... and went from there. The point. You tried it. Poo-poo it after you give it a fair chance. Whatever it may be. :D and that's the new way I roll.
Ladies and gentlemen... that's all I have ... today.
I'll make more effort to post more. If not for you, for myself own sanity. :D
Sunday, 28 December 2014
To-Do-List-2015
2014 wasn't shy of it's turmoil.
Betrayal, love, love lost, self realisation, self respect, friends lost & gained.
In the last 7 weeks there was a lot of frustration, and anger towards my roommates family. As unbeknown to us, when they gave us a 3 yr old cat cos they had to move, that the cat was beyond ill.
Turned out she had advance kidney disease. Not that I couldn't deal with that, but lying to both of us, and then get mad at me, when I enquire with a new vet, who called theirs, to confirm the blood work. They gave us a sick cat. Whom after dropping a grand into her, trying to get her healthy, cos she really was a sweet sweet thing. She stopped responding to medication, and stopped eating pretty close all together.
Dec 23rd, I had to put her down. Didn't have her 7 weeks. I'm still mad, and sad. At the betrayal, the lies, and that I am responsible for having to make the decision to give her mercy. While her previous humans of 3 years were too cowardly to do it themselves.
Work is work. I'm at a stand still with my department manager, and what her "expectations are", and what my contract entitles my responsibilities to be. I already give way more than I'm required to give, and yet told repeatedly, that she feels I'm giving her the bare minimum. No matter how much I give, she will find a reason to withhold a performance raise. We do get cost of living, Xmas bonuses and department bonuses etc. Although it's the pride of being given a raise for a job well done. I decided to stop busting my ass, and only give what my contract states I must give. Not an ounce more. She doesn't look at the job being done, deadlines being met with conflicting priorities, and with amazing accuracy. She looks at it as me being defiant. sigh.
Love. Well, its ongoing. And always a work in progress. I've decided again to put the search for love on the back burner. Doesn't mean I'm not having some fun with ex's and friends, but that's for my own sanity. Not for love. ......
Which brings us to the To-Do-List 2015.
I'm tired of waiting on friends to get their shit together, or their "rolling with it" attitudes to make in my direction. I've dropped some without regret or hesitation, cos they're not a positive light in my life.
So. Here are the following things I'm doing this year.
Paddle boarding lessons. - Booked and paid for
Buy golf clubs, and start lessons again.
Tennis lessons....
Swimming lessons. I can swim, but want to make the most of my time in the water. Since I'm the most relaxed and happy in the water.
More road trips.
.... that's about it for now. More to follow I'm sure.
Betrayal, love, love lost, self realisation, self respect, friends lost & gained.
In the last 7 weeks there was a lot of frustration, and anger towards my roommates family. As unbeknown to us, when they gave us a 3 yr old cat cos they had to move, that the cat was beyond ill.
Turned out she had advance kidney disease. Not that I couldn't deal with that, but lying to both of us, and then get mad at me, when I enquire with a new vet, who called theirs, to confirm the blood work. They gave us a sick cat. Whom after dropping a grand into her, trying to get her healthy, cos she really was a sweet sweet thing. She stopped responding to medication, and stopped eating pretty close all together.
Dec 23rd, I had to put her down. Didn't have her 7 weeks. I'm still mad, and sad. At the betrayal, the lies, and that I am responsible for having to make the decision to give her mercy. While her previous humans of 3 years were too cowardly to do it themselves.
Work is work. I'm at a stand still with my department manager, and what her "expectations are", and what my contract entitles my responsibilities to be. I already give way more than I'm required to give, and yet told repeatedly, that she feels I'm giving her the bare minimum. No matter how much I give, she will find a reason to withhold a performance raise. We do get cost of living, Xmas bonuses and department bonuses etc. Although it's the pride of being given a raise for a job well done. I decided to stop busting my ass, and only give what my contract states I must give. Not an ounce more. She doesn't look at the job being done, deadlines being met with conflicting priorities, and with amazing accuracy. She looks at it as me being defiant. sigh.
Love. Well, its ongoing. And always a work in progress. I've decided again to put the search for love on the back burner. Doesn't mean I'm not having some fun with ex's and friends, but that's for my own sanity. Not for love. ......
Which brings us to the To-Do-List 2015.
I'm tired of waiting on friends to get their shit together, or their "rolling with it" attitudes to make in my direction. I've dropped some without regret or hesitation, cos they're not a positive light in my life.
So. Here are the following things I'm doing this year.
Paddle boarding lessons. - Booked and paid for
Buy golf clubs, and start lessons again.
Tennis lessons....
Swimming lessons. I can swim, but want to make the most of my time in the water. Since I'm the most relaxed and happy in the water.
More road trips.
.... that's about it for now. More to follow I'm sure.
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