Uneasy.

I woke up yesterday feeling a certain vibe in the air.  Had some interestingly weird dreams about an old job fight about probation periods and being bullied that occurred. (only 3 years ago)

 I decided to step down from a management position for a new department and suggested we combine two smaller departments and have them overseen by the existing manager of the other department.  One for the most part I hated my staff and didn't want to deal with them anymore. Let them be someone elses' issue.

Things were great until the new manager decided she did not like me or found I was an easy target for her to unleash her frustrations on.  During her time in management of the new merger she had put ME on probation many times for the dumbest things, then would break the rule she was trying to enforce herself.

This was shortly after I had to get rid of my car. (whole other long story there).  I would take transit and from time to time, transit is unreliable due to snow, buses breaking down, jumpers etc. Things that are 100% out of my control.  She felt I had an issue with getting to work on time. SO she's put me on probation. Which I fought every time cos the reasons were not justified. Now if I had been late due to my own carelessness on an on going basis, then I could see her point.

This went on for about a year. I started tracking every time she was late, and not due to her kids, carpooling etc, but because she decided to stop at McPukes and Starcraps 3-4 times a week and would walk in the door 20 mins after her shift started.  I was put on probation more that year than a delinquent very defiant child would be grounded.   It got to the point that if I was breathing in a way she didn't like she would find a reason to try and assign probation, again.  

The finale straw was when a coworker was leaving and I was asked to pick up her work load. Thats fine, we worked on commission in addition to salary.  I confirmed that if I was working this girl's load I would gain the commission from it too. Confirmed. Until payday.  This manager decided it was not fair that this other person would have a smaller check and took away the commission I made working her files. WTF!

Fed up, I filed a formal complaint. Sighting the multiple probation's, her tardiness etc, basically the file I had been keeping over the past year, and insisted that if she wasn't held accountable for harassment I would be going to labour relations. Plus I wanted the commission I had worked my ass off for and earned fair and square. Nothing came of it. Well, she was talked too and told to lay off. I got the commission (not without a fight though) the comm wouldn't have been a big deal but when it out weighs your paycheck, hell ya you better believe I'm fighting for it.

A g/f gave me a cd for my 35th B-Day that same month. There was a song on it called "Day Job" (or here) from The Sunshine State Band.  That song set a fire under my ass and I gave my resignation two weeks later with no notice. :) I gave notice at 4pm the day I decided would be my last day and happily looked forward to my new job on Monday.   The GM offered me more money to stay, and said they would take CG (my current manager) out of her position, or move me to another department as compensation.  I declined and advised the GM it was all a little too late and this should have been their actions at the time of the harassment, not on my last day with the company.

In addition before I left, I filed with labour relations, just so it would be on file and the BBB (Better Business Bureau).  Upon leaving I was surprised at the amount of emails I received from people I had strongly disliked, congratulating me on my courage to stand up to the horrible management within the office.  It was a little overwhelming but at the same time, pleased & displeased to know I wasn't the only one having issues within the company. Within 3 months, 12 more people quit, filing harassment and other reasons for their departure. :)

During the time all that was taking place, I felt uneasy, unsure of everything. Was I a bad employee and just couldn't see it? Etc.  The anticipation of what the next probation would be about. I was constantly walking on eggshells, for what? Nothing.  

Today, those feelings have surfaced. Most likely cos I had a dream about all of it last night, and Saturday I was shunned from interacting at a house party.  I wonder if I should be preparing myself for something else, and all this is happening right now so I'll get my guard up a bit???

Or Maybe, I've just gone off the deep end.

How are my finances? Not great, could be better.
How is my health? Improving, work in progress.
How are my relationships with my friends? Stable and loving...I think.
How's my job security? Great, I believe.
How's my love life? Non existent. Although I'm content with that.
Am I lonely? Yes.
Lonely enough to make bad decisions? Not likely.

I'm just unsure and feel uneasy about the energy surrounding me at the moment.