Lost Art

I've been bitching about the lack of manner in people for years. Mostly the lack of just your basic civil everyday manners, mostly from men. While on dates.

Reading the 24 News paper that is given out free at every single skytrain station. In it today there was an article about how one single mum, dating, noticed that her 6 yr old child had more manners than her 40 yr old boyfriend.  She thought to herself, that she has to be sure to raise a good boyfriend.

When did society as a whole start lacking manners? Don't say times are changing etc... there is never a reason not to call to say you're going to be late to dinner (just don't call AFTER you're suppose to be there) There is never a reason to not hold a door open from time to time, help women with their jackets, offer your seat on the bus (I'll rant again about this one in a bit) hold their gawd damn hands.  And this isn't just on dates. This should be an everyday event.

I commute by transit, and on a daily basis I see grown men ignore women of any age with stability issues, age,  or lots of parcels etc and pretend not to notice they need the seat  you're in.  I've schooled a few men myself on the bus. It's just shameful to see an elderly man offer his seat to a women when there 2,3,4 other capable young men (ages 16-40) more than ept to stand up.

I went on a a few dates recently with an old highschool friend who has manners coming out of his ass.
Although I'm not interested in him romantically, he is consistent with his manners. Along with him and a few of my other male friends, they have raised the bar.

Now this also of course applies to women just as much as it does men. Some women are very defensive, and well, they will come around in time. Others think (or demand) that they be treated like princess's.  I think, yes, you should want to be treated nicely, but to demand it?? No.  There is a time and place for everything.

Perfect example- my weekend with Museum Crazy C. (you know this wont end well) 
She was having a very manic week, so I offered my ear to her...at my house, after work.  She cried a lot. More out of realization that she's been dwelling on someone she can't have and a museum co-worker is all buddy buddy with him now and continues to run it in her face... detour.. story for a whole other day..

After much crying, my phone was ringing all night, friends asking if I was going to a gig in town. I had mentioned NO, as I was comforting a co-worker (I'm always careful not to use the word friend) etc.  In the end we ended up going to this gig.  We sat down, I introduced myself to the handsome men across the table from us (as we're sharing their space) and start to enjoy the night.  It's not til the end of the night where I learned a few things.  I've already exchanged phone numbers with one of these men earlier, and had excused myself from the table. Upon my return, the men were gone and Crazy C was looking smug.
And drunk. Very very drunk.

She wants to freshen up before we leave, so I mention I'll meet her outside etc.
I run into the men from our table, looking less than impressed.. Make some small talk and learn that Crazy C had said to them while I was away from the table.. "If you were real gentlemen, you'd pick up our tab."

Hanging my head in shame and simply horrified.. I apologize to them and offer the business card of the one guy back to him.  I'm sure he thinks I'm just as crazy as she is now. I apologize profusely, asking them to let me take them for drinks next week (on me) to make up for her rudeness.  They smile politely and the one mentions he'll call me.  I will not blame him one bit if he doesn't call.

We head to the car (I drove her car)and Crazy C proceeds to tell me the same story the men just told me.
She laughs while I tell her I think it was extremely rude to ask strangers to pick up her tab. (I had nothing but water) Instantly she gets super defensive (of course) almost yelling that her time with them was worth them picking up the tab. 

WHAT!? We weren't WITH them!!! We shared a table that they could have denied us and made small talk.  I decided not to argue with her, as I've learned from earlier events that this will all end badly.

Sidenote: While writing this, I've left a voicemail for the one guy and quickly explain that Crazy C and I are NOT friends, but co -workers, extending my offer again (with an apology) to take them for drinks this weekend.

Whilst ladies like to be treated nicely and have tabs picked up for us, it should never be expected. Never.
I will not be taking Crazy C anywhere in public again, no where around my friends anyways. 

She saw her behaviour as deserving empowerment. Whereas I saw it as utter rudeness.

So if by fluke chance, 31 yr old Andreis, who recently passed the bar exam in November, employment lawyer from N.Van, happens to read this, again, I'm so so sorry.

.....Still hanging my head in shame.