A friend on the east coast of the Island confuses and frustrates me. Her and her long time b/f (who has his opinion of what a women's responsibility around the house is....) their two dogs, a cat, a gecko, two 60L fish tanks, and a turtle that is allowed to roam the house are broke. All the time.
Until recently, they only had fur pets. She works 3 jobs, he's military, and they rent out the basement of their house. Yet, still broke.
B, the b/f, sits on his ass playing video games from the moment he gets home, til he goes to bed. She is EXPECTED to clean the house, and pick up after him after working 2 p/t jobs every day, and a floating 3rd job, just to make sure she can put insurance on her truck (that he needs), and gas in it (that he uses).
Decided that it was a good idea to get more pets. Cos you know, they're rolling in the dough. He pays for nothing and does nothing around the house. Whole other story, I can't get on right now.....
The point is, he makes decent coin, she's struggling to put insurance on her truck so she can drive his lazy ass to/from work cos he doesn't know how drive, when she's not working 1 of her 3 p/t jobs. They "apparently" live within their means, but yet, broke all the time.
This morning I read on her FB that she had to search the couch for enough cash to buy cream for their morning coffee. Although she said she was laughing at this, it made me incredibly sad.
What makes me even more infuriated, is she won't leave. She's too broke to leave him. Sure they live in a very small town where affordability is key, and apparently are living within their means. (approved for a $500G mortgage, but bought for only $250G) but since they've been there, they haven't had two pennies to rub together, though can find it to buy fish tanks, fish, a gecko, and a turtle, on top of the 2 dogs, and 1 cat they already have. Not to mention the ongoing expenses those things cost.
Why do people do this kind of stuff? I look at this situation and think of teenage girls who think all they need is love to raise a baby etc. Oh ya? You trying living on love alone, see how far that gets you.
Can someone shed some light on why/how people think and live this way? Maybe they have bad habits they spend their cash on. I know what each of them make, and they should be well established as far as savings, having nice things, etc. Not searching the couches for change to buy milk. Maybe, they're just really bad with their finances.
This is just my two cents, but as I see it, this whole situation is a combination of bad of two people who might be having some major issues with each other.
ReplyDeleteThey both might feel the need to distraction themselves from each other. She's clearly unhappy with her man and his inability to take care of her, so she substitutes him for cuddly pets who don't talk or need much of anything other than food. He obviously doesn't respect her, so he plays his video games and ignores her.
There's a problem with these two that they both refuse to acknowledge. The man should have the gumption to go get a liscense and stop leaning on her for everything, and the girl should feel comfortable enough to express that she needs help to him without him ignoring her. She may have thought about leaving, but is too scared to ask for help in doing so, or wants to "stick it out" with military man. Or maybe she believes that he'll change.
I wouldn't go so far as to say this is a classic case of abuse, but isn't neglecting your lovers feelings and emotions just that? Me thinks so.
Or perhaps someone (or both of them) are on drugs. I've seen people on drugs do some horrid things to each other.
All in all, this has red flag written all over it.
Oh this has been going on for sometime now. She's well aware of how he treats her and does voice it. If it wasn't for the financial strain, she would leave him in a heart beat.
ReplyDeleteWe her friends say she should regardless. Leave him in that small town, without a car and all the animals, and start only worried about herself.
They're sinking mostly due to him, and he's taking her down with him. I can see it. You can see it. Why can't she just do something about it.
Unforch, she just hasn't had enough yet, I guess. :-(
ReplyDeleteWoman can withstand so much bullshit. Whether out of stubborness or true love or something you might not even be aware of.
God, this is so sad. And it must be frustrating as hell to watch.
Clearly has not had enough.
ReplyDeleteI've been talking to her this morning and many excuses have come about. "It's not that easy, I have 9..5 years invested."
I'm sorry, but it IS that easy. You have to weigh what you'll lose by leaving, and what you'll lose by staying. Don't use the mortgage as an excuse. If he was beating you, you wouldn't stay cos you have a house together.
Make the change happen. Start thinking about yourself etc.
Man I learn so much from my own errands and others peoples turmoil. People who stay in really shitty situations secretly like the drama of it all. Okay, that might not be completely fair to say. I do know that leaving an abusive relationship of any kind on any level is process not one time thing.
*erros not errands.
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