STOP POKING THE FRIGGIN BEAR ALREADY!!!

I have completely lost my shit on the roommate.
We were good when he got home yesterday, and that lasted for all of about a few hours.

I've been going to bed a few hours later than I should, and I'm tired in the morning. I'm always tired in the morning, regardless. However, a week or so ago, he mentioned I should go to bed earlier etc. He meant well. I asked him to nudge me every now and then to remind me etc. He agreed.

He hasn't. Instead is waltz's into the living room at 11pm, as I'm packing up and getting ready for bed, yells at me that I should learn to take better care of myself. Went on to say a few other things. Had he not used the tone and volume he did, I think I MIGHT have reacted differently. Not to mention he swung from a very raw nerve I haven't had to deal with in a long, long time.

I lost it completely. I went from mild, subdued, ready for bed, to: someone call the cops, she's going to kill me. I yelled screamed at him, at a volume to which only dogs can hear. He went to his room, shutting the door behind him. Smart, cos I stood on the other side of that door, and continued to lost my shit on him for another few minutes.

Went to bed mad. Got up mad. When he exited his room, I was standing there still yelling at him, "Ooooh look at this, I'm up, and ready to go... Not bad for someone who can't look after themselves, wouldn't you say?:!!" He said nothing, locked his door and left the apartment. As I yelled 'HAVE A GREAT FUCKING DAY!!!" at the top of my lungs  at 630am this morning.

I calmed down through out the day, starting to become embarrassed, and increasingly angrier. Not at the roommate, well sort of, but at the fact I lost my shit over my own issues. He couldn't have known that was a raw nerve that he swung from.

I wrote him an email apologizing for my reaction, but made it clear I wasn't impressed was his snide remarks anymore, and that he'd pushed it entirely too far this time around. We had recently had a a conversation about my weight, and how he motivates me, has NEVER-not once, made me feel fat etc..

Since that convo last week, he has been tapping into my insecurities, teasing me, and managed not only to make me feel fat, he made me feel ugly, and worthless.

Dude, sharing the facts that you've never made me feel those things before; wasn't an invited challenge.

I have worked so hard, for so many years to keep my temper under wraps. Sure I get mad like anyone else, although I've learned to use my tools to keep calm, fight fair, and factual. Not this time. It's like he's unravelled all those years of work.

I'm still fairly livid with him, his antics, bullshit demands about me not being allowed to have men over when he's home, but he can screw tones of women (who are not his girlfriend) etc, Hi Kettle, meet Pot.

That will be changing, regardless how it makes him feel. He's home this weekend, along with his gf spending the night. I don't care about that. It just happens to be on the same weekend, I have a few dates lined up. He tried to tell me I'd have to rearrange them etc, "no sleep overs".... I hadn't planned on it, but I am now! Fuck you. You rent a room from me. You are my roommate, not my parent, and even if he was, I'm 40 friggin yrs old.. I will do as I please. As much as I would love for him to feel at home, he does not get to dictate my dating, love, sex life to me.

I usually refrain from having anyone over during the week, cos he's studying etc. I'm respectful of that. Although he does what he wants, with little notice, and now, I will too. If I go on a date mid-week, and want to bring someone back to the apt on a Wednesday night, I'm going too. Deal with it.

Grrrr this bear is still wound up tight.