Lost Art

I've been bitching about the lack of manner in people for years. Mostly the lack of just your basic civil everyday manners, mostly from men. While on dates.

Reading the 24 News paper that is given out free at every single skytrain station. In it today there was an article about how one single mum, dating, noticed that her 6 yr old child had more manners than her 40 yr old boyfriend.  She thought to herself, that she has to be sure to raise a good boyfriend.

When did society as a whole start lacking manners? Don't say times are changing etc... there is never a reason not to call to say you're going to be late to dinner (just don't call AFTER you're suppose to be there) There is never a reason to not hold a door open from time to time, help women with their jackets, offer your seat on the bus (I'll rant again about this one in a bit) hold their gawd damn hands.  And this isn't just on dates. This should be an everyday event.

I commute by transit, and on a daily basis I see grown men ignore women of any age with stability issues, age,  or lots of parcels etc and pretend not to notice they need the seat  you're in.  I've schooled a few men myself on the bus. It's just shameful to see an elderly man offer his seat to a women when there 2,3,4 other capable young men (ages 16-40) more than ept to stand up.

I went on a a few dates recently with an old highschool friend who has manners coming out of his ass.
Although I'm not interested in him romantically, he is consistent with his manners. Along with him and a few of my other male friends, they have raised the bar.

Now this also of course applies to women just as much as it does men. Some women are very defensive, and well, they will come around in time. Others think (or demand) that they be treated like princess's.  I think, yes, you should want to be treated nicely, but to demand it?? No.  There is a time and place for everything.

Perfect example- my weekend with Museum Crazy C. (you know this wont end well) 
She was having a very manic week, so I offered my ear to her...at my house, after work.  She cried a lot. More out of realization that she's been dwelling on someone she can't have and a museum co-worker is all buddy buddy with him now and continues to run it in her face... detour.. story for a whole other day..

After much crying, my phone was ringing all night, friends asking if I was going to a gig in town. I had mentioned NO, as I was comforting a co-worker (I'm always careful not to use the word friend) etc.  In the end we ended up going to this gig.  We sat down, I introduced myself to the handsome men across the table from us (as we're sharing their space) and start to enjoy the night.  It's not til the end of the night where I learned a few things.  I've already exchanged phone numbers with one of these men earlier, and had excused myself from the table. Upon my return, the men were gone and Crazy C was looking smug.
And drunk. Very very drunk.

She wants to freshen up before we leave, so I mention I'll meet her outside etc.
I run into the men from our table, looking less than impressed.. Make some small talk and learn that Crazy C had said to them while I was away from the table.. "If you were real gentlemen, you'd pick up our tab."

Hanging my head in shame and simply horrified.. I apologize to them and offer the business card of the one guy back to him.  I'm sure he thinks I'm just as crazy as she is now. I apologize profusely, asking them to let me take them for drinks next week (on me) to make up for her rudeness.  They smile politely and the one mentions he'll call me.  I will not blame him one bit if he doesn't call.

We head to the car (I drove her car)and Crazy C proceeds to tell me the same story the men just told me.
She laughs while I tell her I think it was extremely rude to ask strangers to pick up her tab. (I had nothing but water) Instantly she gets super defensive (of course) almost yelling that her time with them was worth them picking up the tab. 

WHAT!? We weren't WITH them!!! We shared a table that they could have denied us and made small talk.  I decided not to argue with her, as I've learned from earlier events that this will all end badly.

Sidenote: While writing this, I've left a voicemail for the one guy and quickly explain that Crazy C and I are NOT friends, but co -workers, extending my offer again (with an apology) to take them for drinks this weekend.

Whilst ladies like to be treated nicely and have tabs picked up for us, it should never be expected. Never.
I will not be taking Crazy C anywhere in public again, no where around my friends anyways. 

She saw her behaviour as deserving empowerment. Whereas I saw it as utter rudeness.

So if by fluke chance, 31 yr old Andreis, who recently passed the bar exam in November, employment lawyer from N.Van, happens to read this, again, I'm so so sorry.

.....Still hanging my head in shame.

Accutane It's going to be a long year.

Accutane is serious shit. It's a high dose of Vitamin A. Very High.

It requires you to have your liver function tested EVERY MONTH for the duration of your cycle.

My dermatologist and I have been ho/humming about putting me on this for years.

Up until now, I've only heard of horror stories about this drug. For the last 4 years, we've been using topical creams, birth control (lasted 9 days) and a antibiotic.

All were great....at suppressing it, not curing it.

I give up. I surrender. Let's try Accutane.

Got the green light from the family doctor too.

Now it gets serious.

The following things must take place and be approved BEFORE I can even start taking it.

Pregnancy test- before and after

Order of blood work on my liver, once a month for 6 months.

(this will repeat every month)

Must start a second form of birth control for a month prior to starting the meds.

If I choose not to use a second method, I MUST MUST abstain from being

sexually active for the 6 months, plus one month afterwards while the meds leave my system.

No alcohol. Not one drop.

Nothing better than being told you CAN NOT do something that makes you want to do it even more.

I've gone that long without sex before, not by choice, but it's been done.

At first I thought not drinking would be the worse of it. If only it were that easy.

Count 6 months from the middle of March. Where does that put me? AT THE END OF SUMMER!

Spring/Summer with no sex or alcohol? Shit, I may as well just throw myself off a building now. hmph.

....Oh ya, then there are the side affects.

Ready?......

*Chapped lips (90%), countered by a using Vaseline or Aquaphor as a lip moisturizer,

*Dry skin and itching (80%) helped by frequent moisturizer creams,

*Dryness of nose, mild nosebleed (80%), helped by "AYR nasal gel",

*Irritation of the eyelids and eyes (40%),

*Joint and muscle pains (15%),

*Temporary hair thinning (10%), (are you fucking kidding me???)

*Rash (7%),

*Intestinal symptoms (5%),

*Urinary symptoms (5%),

*Headache (5%),

*High Increased sensitivity to sun (5%),

*Decreased night vision (<1%),

*Depression, thoughts of suicide (<1%).

Remind me again WHY I am going to take this drug? Oh ya... it has an 80% CURE ALL rate from acne....forever!  Great thing is, all the side effects are reversible.

I apologize now for all the whining that may will occur in the next coming months.

I figure I should be proactive about other things while doing this.

Will start exercising. Yup I will. Just do it. I'm probably going to be miserable.

I may as well be proactive while miserable. And when it's all over, I'll have perfect skin and have lost some weight. Woop!

Seriously, I'm just psyching myself up for this. If it was extremely dangerous, they wouldn't offer it, right?

Personal Journeys.

I believe everyone should believe in something. Be passionate about something.

Whatever it may be. Politics, religion, spiritualism, money etc,

BUT...... it should be a personal journey and/or experience.

I do not need the unsolicited advice of someone who now believes I'm less of a person or beneath them cos I do not believe in the same thing, or gawd forbid, have a different opinion about how one should share.

If you blog about your beliefs in whatever they be, that's fine. I probably read you....cos I can CHOOSE to do so.  My beef is with those who feel the need to share their ways with me when I did not ask. Or hound me after I've politely made it clear I will not discuss the following topics (religion, money, and politics) cos I do not believe that half the planet is capable of having an educated discussion about it without becoming heated.

Examples in no particular order in 2010.

-Being told (many of us were told) that we'd all be "healthier" if we were vegitarians'.....at.a.turkey.dinner. Seriously.

-Doing laundry and being told the fabric softener sheet I use on my clothes (clothes only, never my towels or sheets) cause cancer and they promise to say something nice at my funeral. WTF!?

- Choosing to believe in a higher power was not the same as believing in God.

-Being yelled at that GOD DOES NOT EXIST!....(Again, please keep that shit to yourself and the foot stomping hissy fit you threw with it).

-Being talked to as though I'm used goods or less or a woman cos I choose not to have children or the fact I'm that I'm currently single. Like it's a horrid crime.

-How I choose to deal with Crohn's and Hypothyroidism is 'wrong' and I should explore alternative medicines. (Says who? Not the people who spent $$$ and years of their lives to study the history of medicine...say it isn't so!!)

...I could go on, but you get the picture.

I've found a seldom few people are capable and open to discussing/teaching/learning about differences their friends believe in.  Once you start telling another person they are wrong for their beliefs, you and I will have a problem.

You do not have to agree with their beliefs and/or passions, but as a friend you should support them. (yes I have to remind myself to practice what I preach) that is until they give no option but not too as a result of their views.

I have a lot of friends that do shit I do not agree with, but I do not hold it against them. One, it has nothing to do with and doesn't inconvenience my life at all. If it did, well that is a different story.

My point is, again, whatever you path in life is, do unto others. Seriously. That shit will come back to you and karma works in both good and bad ways. 

If you lack the common sense of the most basic commands in life, (knowing the difference between right and wrong, good and bad) then you have bigger issues my friend, and friend is something I probably do not use when describing you. Of course there are variants to this as people are dealt shitty hands, but you make the best of it.

Let's get back to the basics. Treat people with respect, love, kindness and an open heart.

You have two ears and one mouth...try to listen a little more and talk a bit less.

Follow New Blogger - Elizabeth Singleton Asks: Are You For Real?

Quite some time ago I introduce Elizabeth Singleton as my love life coach.

And while she does give the bestest advice ever (offline) for my love/non love/dating/non dating/Crazy Museum  C issues I may be having, she has found a reason to start a blog herself.

Please welcome her to the blog-o-sphere family.
I'm sure she will be a hoot.
Elizabeth Singleton Asks: Are You For Real?

Afraid of Love Maybe

As you know I went out Saturday with an old highschool friend Saturday. Had a good time as far as having drinks and getting caught up goes.

Although I couldn't help notice he treated it very much like a date all the way to the end. In addition to some casual non creepy comments he made through out the night.

Since then, I've been asked by a g/f if he could turn out to be a romantic interest? I had to think about it...briefly. "No." Was my reply.  Of course my g/f jumped all over me that I'm too picky, find fault in everything etc and should just roll with it. She's rooting for him.

I forgot what it was like to have to defend not wanting to date someone no matter how awesome on the surface or in depth they may be. 

"Romantic Chemistry must be mutual" I muttered.  She just rolled her eyes.

Listen up girlfriends, seriously.  

I know you have my best interest at heart, but it's MY heart that has to have the pitter patter flutter in it for me to be interested. If it is not there, you can not force it just for the sake of not being alone.

So please just fuck off with your lectures about being too picky and should give so and so a chance. I will turn the tables onto you and give you a taste of your own medicine soon.

Seriously.  I'm a grown woman capable of deciding for myself if I should or shouldn't date someone. 

I've already done my pro/con list. Saturday, while ON our date for that matter...

Pro's

He aged very well.

Is handsome.

Total gentleman

Attentive.

Drives a luxury car, although I'm not convinced he'll have it for long.

Gives good hugs. (okay that might have been me, I give great hugs and people usually reciprocate it).

Cons

I'm nor romantically or physically attracted. That should be enough on it's own.

He's starting his own business and is not financially stable, he's scared about losing everything.

He's living with family, and his plans are to live in the office space he decides to rent for his business.

He LOVES to gamble.

He smokes.

He's got bad teeth (yes that is a shallow deal breaker for me) I mean really bad teeth.

So whilst he may be a great guy, he's not for me.  He will be a great friend. I already know that.

And I do sense that he wouldn't mind moving forward romantically, I wont lead him on or keep him on the hook. I'll find my own tactful way of making is non chalantly known I'm not interested.

This same g/f even suggested that maybe I'm more afraid of love than I realize. Since in her opinion I push these great men away. This may be true. However there is a very big difference between pushing someone away from being afraid, although interested, and pushing someone away that you're simply not interested in.

Why does it have to be more complicated than that? It doesn't have to be drama riddled with ho hums and I don't knows....maybe.  I'm not pushing him away from friendship. I'm not encouraging romantic behaviour.

Soooo girlfriends, yes I maybe be afraid to fall in love again, but I am not going to be with someone for the wrong reasons. Enough said. Please do not make me tell you again, or I'll be forced to unleash my opinions about your dating rituals to you.

Now, if I could pick and choose the qualities of friends, looks, past b/f's etc and put together a man I would live with forever, that would be perfect.

I'm looking for something specific and I learn a little more what I want on all dates.

I will find it one day and it will fit naturally into my life. We'll just fit.