Recap 2020 - 2025 & New Chapters to Follow 2025

It's been a minute! 

Hunker down, it is a long read.  Guess we should recap what I have been up to 2020 - current.

Short version: 
I have learned healthy boundaries, and how to set them, and follow through. Learned how to sit with my feelings (ongoing practice) and to be gentle with myself. How to show up for myself. I am unapologetically myself.  I love my friends hard, and yes, I make it weird every chance I get. 

Long version below: 

2020 

During covid I was working for, what I thought, was a great company. That is, until I broke my back July 2020. My return to work was less than pleasant. Mostly due to the HR knob (1 of 5) that actually insinuated that I deliberately hurt myself to inconvenience them! Could not roll my eyes any harder. During covid I was working from home March - June 2020 and fasted track the company goal of eliminating my own position. (yes, I knew this when they hired me). When it came time to renewing my contract, they decided not too, and determined I was not qualified for the new position. In the same breath, they asked me to create a training manual for my existing position. Soooooo, you want me to draft a manual for a position that no longer exists, and I am not qualified for the new position??? Pound sand. What are they going to do? Fire me? HA! I did write a manual and ensured there were errors throughout that would render the task(s) incapable of being completed. That's 72 pages of useless instructions. Petty.  😋

During this time, I closed my vehicle accident claim and bought myself a lovely truck. 

Started recording video chats with a friend that lives just off the mainland. Who knew 5 years later this was a saving grace for us both.  It started with a quick 2-3 minute recorded videos we'd sent each other. Then the topics became deeper. Now, the videos are 3-6 minutes long and several sent at a time, depending on the topic. Why not have a phone call? This works for us. We can record/send when we have the time, and watch the incoming videos on our own time. It works, and I think more people should try it. 

August - the long term roommate moved out. Got his long time girlfriend (he had been cheating on for many years), pregnant, bought a house and got married. It was the best thing for him. 

October - surprised my best friend with a trip to Tofino as a thank you for flying out and taking care of me for a week when I broke my back. 

December 2020 I started a new job, 3 days after my previous job was eliminated. It's exactly what I was looking for. Not customer front facing!!! 

2021  
I decided I wanted a breast reduction. Where I live the government will pay for it, however, the downside is they have a say in your BMI. Maximum 30 BMI. As most of you know, bmi is horseshit in most cases. Sooooo, I have some weight to lose. It's not a bad thing, who couldn't stand to shed a few pounds. 

At one point my practitioners and I decided that I should try to come off my anxiety medication.  Dumb move. We've tried twice, and have come to the conclusion that this is a life time medicine for me. I am A-OKAY with that. So many positive things have occured since I started the anxiety medication back in July 2017, you can read about  here, and 2017 here.

Went back to school and got a Level -1 certificate in Bylaw enforcement and animal control. Think getting a job with the city would be easier. It is not. The full-time, permanent positions rarely become available. I can not do auxiliary, or casual, part-time etc. When they do become available, they are usually given to retiring police and military personnel. 

2022
Until recently (2 years 2020-2022) everything was blissful at the new job until they hired a Screaming Banshee. Not only is she ill-equipped, unpredictably unprofessional to handle a job, she is a menace to the office, and a serious liability to the company. She shoots her mouth off, a lot. Without using a single neuron; and the one she does use, is seriously fractured. 

My oldest sister (68) passed away on her birthday, in her sleep. Middle sister (66) had a heat induced heart attack a week later, on HER birthday. 

A week after that, enter Screaming Banshee, (she has think nak of blaming of everyone else for her error, and then says; "I didn't know that was the process".), came out of her office, stormed up to me, arms flailing, and swearing at me. I froze. I truly believe that every-single-tool-ever-learned was utilized in that moment not to backhand her into the following week. 

I sat with it for a few weeks before going to management. It was taken very serious. It is an surreal experience to work for a company that is healthy, when you've had decades of toxic work environments. They brought in a Senior manager and someone else in, off their holidays to deal with it.  It was not taken lightly.  All this a week after my sister passed and another in the hospital for 2 weeks suffering a heart attack. 

I decided I could be the bigger person and continue to work with her, (she is assigned to me, along with 3 others) and I found it to be an excellent opportunity to utilize my conflict resolution skills I haven't had much chance to use.  That brings us into 2023.

2023

Things have been reasonably calm. My tribe of friends have been amazing. Lots of memories have been made. My moms best friend S. moved back into the city after 31 years of living in the North.  It has been absolutely a treat to have her living 10-minutes away.  

My tribe accepted her with open arms and a few have their own relationship with her, outside of me, which is fantastic. I've been a lot of things, being jealous is really not one of them.  I am truly blessed.  

2024

A few dozen recorded incidents with the Screaming Banshee. How is she still employed? Recording every outburst, rude email directly to myself, a vendor and others. Many meetings regarding this twit. 

Made numerous fun memories, short trips, annual girls weekends etc. 

March 2024 my middle sister moved in with me. She is unable to live alone, nor can she afford it.  I just spent a few years downsizing, and minimizing the crap in my apartment.  Sigh. Turns out she is a high functioning alcoholic, and a hoarder (just in her room).  

Not soon after she has settled in, she has an episode and I had to call emergency services.  I set some serious boundaries after this, advising if this kind of thing happened again, she would have to move out. I did not sign up for this.  Things have been okay since. Her room is disgusting. I have had to come to the conclusion that she is not a mentally stable person, capable of seeing dirt, messes, etc.  As long as she keeps the mess to her room, I can manage the rest of the house. 

I advised her before she moved in, that when the times comes where she can no longer work, or take care of herself, we will start applying for subsidized retirement homes. I will not be her caretaker, physically or financially. Callus? No. She turns 68 this year and wants to retire in the next two.  This time next year, we start shopping around for her new living arrangements. 

2025
Screaming Banshee has done it. We are only in May, and she had finally been so unprofessional towards internal office staff, vendors etc., that I requested for a shuffle and could not see myself working with her further without verbal/physical consequences. I presented a few anger management course for myself. The tools/skills I have to manage this kind of behaviour no longer works, and am open to some professional development. I complete the an anger management course next weekend. Did I learn anything new? No. I was reminded of existing skills/tools I have in my box that I have not been utilizing. I have open that mental toolbox and am poking around at the tools. 

However, the S.Banshee needs to be held accountable. I will not walk on eggshells to appease her fragile ego and unprofessionalism. She has created an unsafe, toxic environment. Not just for myself, but the teams around me. Everyone has been interviewed, lawyers have been consulted, and she finally has been presented with a disciplinary package, outlining the consequences should management continue to receive complaints from anyone. Apparently it takes a lot to get fired. Any retaliation behaviour, on any front, will no longer be tolerated. A lot of things the Screaming Banshee does will no longer be tolerated.  😀

May 2025 - I've has some internal womens health concerns being 4 years post menopause.  Love my doctor. Does not dismiss anything I bring to the table. Turns out I was correct, there was something going on.  Blood work followed, only to learn I am prediabetic, and have very high cholesterol. a heart healthy diet change, way of life has been activated. Exercise and eating cleaner have become the priority, effective immediately. 

Thankfully, I have a great group of friends I have shared this with and are supporting the change. Cos, really, what kind of friends would they be if the didn't??

January 2026 - I am starting a type of therapy called EDMR. It is a structured form of psychotherapy used to help process and reduce the distress associated with traumatic memories and other distressing experiences. During talk therapy, I mentioned some anger and frustration I was experiencing with some things preventing me from having healthy relationships with men, (trust issues - nothing sexual) and the human race in general. 

We came to the conclusion this was the right direction. I will be writing more about this experience leading up to, and during the process.

I have to make a list of things I'd like to resolve, and/or learn to deal with. Examples like: trusting a man's word at face value; (watching many men in life cheat on their spouses etc.);  the severe bullying I experienced from ages 9 -12, and how it still affects me now, (being aggressive and loud in certain situations); not being heard as child, and acting out, getting into trouble to be seen and heard.  I am a Gen X. We were brought up in a generation of kids are meant to be seen, not heard.  Yes, we were feral, and still are a bit.  I have no desire to make functioning relationships with my siblings. They're adults, if they wanted a relationship they could have reciprocated the effort I put in for many years as an adult. That ship has sailed, and I am okay with that outcome. 

If you're still with me, awesome! Future posts will not be as long.

Weight loss & Obesity Clinic = Breast reduction= Happy goals

 I asked for a breast reduction this year. I'm 5'2, 220 lbs and a 38G. I want to be a 36B. I don't want to be tucking my boobs into my pants in 10 years. I've been wanting a reduction for years. A FB friend mentioned she was having one, and set me up on a support page on FB. Best thing ever! My doctor agreed and took all my information and set up a consultation with a plastic surgeon. 

Between the surgeon and my doctor taking into consideration my age, and weight (I'm almost done menopause) that I would have struggles losing the weight on my own and referred me to a very reputable weight lose clinic that only specializes in weight loss. They have internal medicine, therapy, general medicine, surgeons etc. its one stop shop for all the tools to lose weight successfully. 

Although I know why I'm overweight, I do carry it proportionally, that doesn't mean I shouldn't lose it. Being middle age, female and in menopause, I'm at increased risk for heart disease and other factors as a result of having weight around my middle section. 

Got my email confirmation, now it takes off fast! blood work and questionnaires are done. In short, they teach you tools for a lifestyle change to obtain healthier habits that will serve you long term. My first appointment is in 3 weeks. 

I'll be creating posts of my weight loss journey as it develops. 

Stay healthy friends.

Random tidbits

 Lately I feel like I've been a bad friend, horrible, actually.  Well silently in my mind that is. 

I find lately when friends talk to me about ABC etc, I've been finding myself saying in my head, "I so don't care". Bad right? I have the greatest friends ever! Why am I being such a bitch?

Trying to find the underlining stressors that are triggering these shitty remarks I say in my head. Cos as I've learned what we're lashing out about, rarely has anything to do with what's triggering us. We tend to take out our stress/anger on those we love, and subconsciously know can handle it. Doesn't mean its fair or right.

I'm always stressed about money. But that is no one else's issue. 

I'm lonely on a romantic/physical level during this pandemic. 

In a way to release some of this stress, I've been leaving horrible company reviews for previous employers that did me wrong. More callously, I've been leaving the reviews as a current employee. :) petty, 100%. Does it feel good? 100%. Am I actually hurting anyone? No. Am slightly ruining their day? I hope so. 

Been having random and extremely lucid dreams lately. About a month now. I've been trying to keep track of the dreams as I feel there is something to learn from them. Last nights was no different. I was part of a team of 3 ppl, Morgan Freeman, some other actor who's name escapes me, and myself.  It was like a survivor type show, but my job was to cook with the scraps we had.  We always had enough for well rounded meals, but they lacked taste. I was told by Mr. Freeman that I better buy the book "Learning to Mix Spices".  These dreams are nothing horrific etc, just random dreams. 

Got up and googled it. This book exists! Well website's and such do. So for fun, I'm going to study them. I'm a basic cook in general and know spices can make or break a dish. I have my few that I knock out of the park, but why not up my own game? 

That's my Sunday. 

New Journey - Coming off anti-anxiety medication - Part 4

 I'm a couple weeks into reducing my anxiety medication, and I stated in my previous post, it isn't going well. 

Had a phone call with my GP and we decided not to come off it at the moment. Soooooo, I'm back at my 5mg daily. We'll touch base in a month and sort out a plan. It may be one of those things I may require forever, since I unravelled so quickly. That, and we think the plan we had was too fast too soon. 

Between my shrink and GP we've all agreed that regardless of other (suspected hormonal) side effects, coming off anxiety medication during the pandemic probably wasn't my (our) smartest move. 

The headaches are another story. Again, it suspected that it may be hormonal. The fact I begged my doctor for drugs to stop the pain, he knew I was serious. I'm hypertensive to narcotics in general, and don't care to take pills if unnecessary. 

I've been prescribed Toradol. I haven't taken it yet. I will be soon. I've spoken with a few people and all have said the side effects are not desirable, however, it's better than feeling like your head might explode. We'll see. 

Stay safe, stay healthy. 

New Journey - Coming off anti-anxiety medication - Part 3

 I'm at the end of my 3rd week of weening off my anxiety medication. First week of taking my meds every 3rd day. 

It's not going well. At all! 

I'm crying at everything. Although I have lifted energy, my  brain and thoughts are a whole other story. My thoughts are racing to the point I'm worried that I'm back at the very beginning of where I was when sought professional assistance to get a grip. 

I had my talk therapy today, and it's not often anymore when I get to talk to my shrink while I'm having an attack. 

We've agreed together I will speak with my GP and ask for a new plan/course of action. As I love the new energy level, I do not love the racing brain, crying, the blinding headaches (existed before, but are amped up now) or lacking any sort of composure. 

Granted, today was my first day with my new job working from home; and things did not go well. Short of it is, I went into the office as I just couldn't deal with all the issues I was having trying to complete a simple task. 

IT is on it tonight, as I have to be up and running on Monday to work from home every second day until the pandemic numbers drop enough. We're doing our part. 

I informed those around me that may be affected in/directly by my mood swings. Nothing but support. There is something to be said for not making excuses as to why you're behaving/feeling ABC etc, being honest about it allows people to either decide to embrace or distance themselves to/from you. I've been lucky. So incredibly lucky. I wish everyone was met with the same support. 

Gonna leave ya here. I'm off to cry in the shower, and have a drink with a gf in my bubble. 

Stay weird peeps.