Back to square one.

Guy # 4 - JC has been taken out of the running.
He did not do anything directly to me, but his actions have raised a small yellow flag.

Conversations we've been having via email and phone have been great. Witty, silly, fluent.
I always look forward to chatting with him next.  Saturday rolled around and I had a "feeling" something had changed. He emailed to ask if he could call. Which I think is always funny. Dude, if you want to talk to me, just call me. If I'm available to talk I'll answer it.

So he calls, and we're on the phone less than 6 mins (as per the time log on my phone) when he abruptly mentions  he has to go and run some errands, and that he'll call me later. Um ok.
Normally he calls when he says, and if he doesn't, he sends a quick email to say sorry, he got busy etc.
None of that took place the following day.

I decided I'd log into my account and see if anything new was of any interest to me. Whilst looking up his profile. Only to discover that he's changed his wants etc. He's now looking to "hangout" rather than "date". And his age preferences have gone from 28-40 to 28-32. Which means I can not even reply to messages he's already sent me via the site, since I no longer fit into his new age settings. 

I've deleted him. I'm not interested in an excuse or finding out why. I mean it's POF.  Men may start on this site with all good intentions of finding love or someone to date until they realize they can work less at being a gentleman and still find that there are women  girls with low self esteem that will sleep with them.

I'm back to square one. I'm a little bummed though. Not for JC however, for the fact that I thought I started out of the gates on a positive and I was ready to date again. I snapped myself out of that pretty quick.
Realized, again, no decent men are going to be found on any dating site as long as there are women out there who have no morals or standards. I'm deleting my account. Why stay on, I'm always disappointed.

Back to the old fashion way. Thru friends (not blind dates - just mutual friends), randoms, more face to face.

Fan Page

  Had a moment today where I thought, first mistake there, that I would create a fan page for this blog on facebook. :) Yay more readers.....so I thought. (I do not blog to gain numbers, although it is a nice, warm and fuzzy feeling knowing people like to read you)

  Then it occurred to me, that unless I want to change my profile picture on the blog, I'd never be able to use it on my own personal account, ever again. And I like that picture.

  Do I really want to chance anyone from my real life figuring out who I am? If I did I'd just use my real name, wouldn't I? I mean my friends are smart, stupid smart and would probably figure that shit out asap. Besides, I talk about them here sometimes. I do have a very few selected friends I allow to read the blog and they're mentioned here from time to time. The rest. Can just carry on their lives and never know about this special place I come to write about every day things.

So, for now, there will be no facebook page linked to Just Saying.

Do any of you have a fb page linked to your blog? If so, how do you like it?

Dating for Dummies

I really wish there was a book for re-entering the dating world.
I mean I know how to date but I think with the pressure of having to preform and not make asking questions sound like an interview, has become an art.

One of which I can conquer blind folded and make it appear to others we've been friends forever....when I'm not interested. Although now I am interested, I feel over heated, sweaty, nervous that stupidity will spew from every pore in my body the minute I open my mouth and/or dig myself into the friendship catagory.


Ugh.

I figure I'll just be my slightly dorky self with hints of genius that pokes thru from time to time, just not to intimidate the guy.... omg that was hard to write. Anyone else laughing at the fact I thought I could actually pull off genius? I'm smart, and maybe smarter than most people, especially men, when it comes to calling bullshit. Alas I need to find a balance as not to appear over bearing/pushy/high maintenance/or gawd forbid (I've actually been told this one) too independent, for a girl.  WTH DOES THAT MEAN!?

I pride myself on being independent. Rarely pulling the helpless female card.
I have my own tools, on my way to being certified to handle/shoot a range of firearms. I make my own money, will drive my own car again, do not need a roommate, think for myself.  You'd think (well I do) that men would dig that about me.  Oh wait, yes, I forgot to let them be the man..... There it is.

My big dating faux pas. Letting men be men.
By opening doors, paying at times, feeling like the protector and feeling needed/wanted from time to time. I just have to find out how to find that balance without patronizing anyone or sounding fake.

This is all over the place, oxymoron of sorts.
Whilst I'm an independent girlie/tomboy, I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. But....it doesn't bother me to not hold hands, not be kissie all the time-especially in public, although I must admit, in private, I am the cuddle-slut of all sluts that ever were.

Wing it or maybe read a book? You decide for me.

Visitor Flag

I'm amazed how this site can consistently confuse me.

Everything on my google/blogger account states that I live in Canada, specifically Vancouver.
So why does everyones' visitor counter, including my own say I'm from New York, USA?

Anyone? Anyone?

Prenupials.

A g/f is getting married in August of this year.
They've been in the first weeks of planning etc, and suddenly WHAM!... it might not happen at all now, or at least be pushed back a year.

The troll fiance suddenly wants a prenup. That's fine,  I'd want to protect my military pension too.  But it's the stipulations he's adding that has her livid.

Aside from his military pension etc  he wants her to maintain a certain weight, keep the house, the pets, ....in short the list of things he's added is similar to that expected of a house wife from the 50's.

Now the fiance isn't a catch by any means. He's 5'0", stocky, has a temper of a petulant 5 yr old, and seems to think cos he makes more money, she should cater to him while he sits on his ass playing video games, drinking beer and making a mess, then bitches at her cos the house is not presentable.  (she works too)

You should know something about yourself is true when your friends are telling you that you are not a catch but you've landed a good woman who has put up with you (aka settled) and if you screw this up, it wont be long before someone else sees how great she is and scoops her up.  My friend dated down. Way down.   In his defence though, he does have a huge heart, he's fun and throws a good party, however, none of that is ever directed at the woman who has given him the last 8 years of her life.

I only met CM last year and from what I can suspect, she has low self esteem.  Very low.
Was that a result of the troll man slowly breaking her down? I'm just learning now that she's been very unhappy for a long time, but they set a date to marry two months ago???

I've heard the troll mention to friends that CM would never leave him (while laughing) cos she'd miss his money. WTF! She makes her own money, although they have a joint bank account (I hate that people do that and do not keep an account of their own), everything is in her name. The bills, the truck, (he doesn't have a licence and needs her to drive him everywhere) the insurance etc.  So if I'm not correct, I think it's the troll NEEDS her around so he can spend his money on toys, while she finances the household needs.

He wants this huge wedding for $2G.  I nearly choked on my drink when she told me that.
He's learning quickly that even the simplest of all weddings cost more than a few thousand dollars, even with the help they're receiving from the base he works at.

When she mentioned to me last night about the issue of the prenup, and pushing back the wedding, I strongly suggested that she write her own prenup with a notary and get her own damn bank account. In it, it should have terms about about his weight, the amount of sex they should be having, the comments he leaves on pictures on facebook of women he doesn't know (like he could land any of them) the names he calls her. *unt is his favorite. Yes it is, and she stays with him. But thinks he's entitled to do whatever, behave however, whenever, coos he's the man.

She agreed with a lot I had to say, however this threw me for a loop. She says, "He's solely worried about his pension when we break up." 

WHEN! Not if.  
Both of them have now used the word WHEN to describe the end result of their marriage before it's even begun. This is not a good sign. I can not push her to do anything she isn't ready for. I've given her my two bits upon being asked and it echos the same answers other friends have given her. Don't get married to this one.

I wonder how women get caught up in relationships like this and stay?
There are so many kind of abuse, and this one seems to be based on the verbal and financial controlling. If would never lay a hand on her, cos his closest military brothers would kill him.

Since my friends started getting married in our 20's, I would observe how many of them gave up control over their own finances and would have to ASK for money. Money they earned!!!!

I swore then I would never have a joint account. I will always have control over my own money. And if a relationship has to end cos I wont submit control to the man, well then, that relationship MUST end. I'm okay with joint house accounts where you both contribute money into it for the mortgage etc, but aside from that, hell no.

As lonely as I am, being single has it's pro's to it. I do not have to fight about finances with anyone but myself.

Would love the input from all of you, as some of you have been through these exact issues.
I'd like to know what causes you to stay. How you dealt with it.