Rejected by a stranger.

I'd like to say this is a first for me, however it's not. It happened once before years ago.

I recently connected with a guy I went to high school with. Although we did not know each other in high school, facebook and it's 'people you may know' section put us in touch. He's handsome, but in a aging like a good wine kind of way, not the *gasp* you're ridiculously hot way.  He's not ugly.

We've been chatting it up very generically the last couple weeks.  Covered what we've been up to since high school etc.  It never crossed my mind once to flirt with him or inquire if he was single. Although we did learn that kind of stuff about each other. Even more so last week when he hit his head at work and ended up in hospital, twice, he asked me to keep him company on msn etc while he waited his turn to be seen. The second time I wasn't online with him, as it was thought he had a blood clot and might end up in surgery later that night etc. (Turned out everything is okay for now, but he's still in a lot of pain)

Last night was no different than any other conversation we've had. Except, I asked for his cell number (timing seemed right) to hangout and go do any of the assorted things we agreed we both like to do. As friends. At least I thought I implied it as friends.

Nope. He did not see it that way and abruptly ended our conversation online with:
"I only have talk on my cell no texting plan, plus I do not see anything "like that" happening between us. Game's starting! Have a nice night".

Me:  Wow. I did not think we were heading in a "like that" direction, but thanks for making it very clear you're not interested, when I hadn't indicated anything.

Him: K. Chat soon. Bye. offline

Me: I don't think so. Night.  He'll get that last message when he signs back on.

Okay, I've read and re-read our conversation history from day one. No where that I can see do I flirt with him or imply I'm interested in anything other than building a new rapport with someone I went to high school with 20 years ago.  Until that very moment, he'd been polite, easy to chat with, open etc. It was easy. We talked about going to hockey games, music gigs and just chilling as friends with friends. No dates or romance were ever hinted at, by either of us.  So wth?

I'm not going to bother asking him what was up with all that.  I'm still shocked at the abruptness of it all, but do not care enough to inquire as I rejected from a man I wasn't romantically interested in, in the first place, not yet anyways.(never say never, right? Its a defiant never now...)  Find Richard on msn...delete contact.  Facebook..... I'll delete tonight.  No point in staying in touch or keeping pleasantries after that.

I was rejected by someone I hadn't shown interest in.  lol But at the same time a small part of me felt very insecure by the rejection "it's my weight" I thought for a moment.  I had been deemed not good enough before we met.  That's what my mind said for a moment, then I shook it off and decided he was not worth the emotion wasted for that short moment.  It occurred to me that I am indeed lonely. And I blame my weight for part of it, and all the rest on myself for not being more diligent about losing it.

He Started It...

A Bitch Called Mom wrote a blog today that made me laugh and reminded me of a time some guy in a bar not too many years ago (before the large weight gain) groped me.

We'll call him MB for Man Boy and of course Me for ME.

MB: places his hand on my bum with a certain firmness.

Me: Looking shocked then annoyed at his smugness.
I gently grabbed a hold of his manhood and smiled back with the same smugness.

MB: looking fiercely shocked....he replied, "WTF BITCH?"

Me: What? Squeezing his manhood a little... What the hell in the world told you it was okay to put your ugly paws on me uninvited like that would somehow swoon me like some random pickup line and I wouldn't return the pleasantries?


MB: Looking shocked, & his friends laughing their asses off.

Me: "I thought so", (released him and smiled)"have a nice night".

His friends ended up sitting with us the rest of the night, not sure where MB ended up but I do not think he will ever put his paws on another woman uninvited again. lol

Day 32 Accutane

Since the last time we spoke,  I have since been approved for two more months of taking this pill at a double dose!

We're on Day 32. And whilst it's only been two days on double dose, I'm already noticing some slight changes in the side effects.  Okay maybe not so slight. My nose will not stop bleeding! It was a very slight bleed before, mostly when I had to blow my nose I would notice it. Now, its like the faucet was turned on a little more and it won't stop running. It's like having a cold without the snot. :(  The aches and pains are a little more noticeable than before, and I'm not sleeping all that great neither. :(  I'm sure it will all adjust and this too shall pass.

Dryness of the lips is different too. Before it was just a little dry, now my mouth is over producing saliva (I swear it is) and my mouth and lips feel cakey. Like I haven't been able to wipe something off my mouth. FUN!  Waaa waaa waaa. Its just new. I'll adjust and make changes in my hydration routine.

Side note: when lubricating your nose first thing in the morning, make sure it's Vaseline and not Polysporin. OUCH! It does no harm, but you feel the difference.  Make sure you're AWAKE!

Ok my favorite stalkers, I'm going home, taking a bubble bath, (although getting undressed, running water, getting into the tub, getting out and dressed again, takes way more energy than I am capable of right now) make a light dinner and go to bed. Before 9pm preferably. Shut up, don't judge me. 

Til then... XXX

1 Down, 4 To Go.

I survived a 13 minute call with my sister TracEy (don't forget the E cos she will go friggin ballistic on you) and did not want to kill her, or myself at the end of the call. That would be a SUCCESS!

This particular sister is a treat. A treat I tell you! They broke the mold with her, and not in a good way. We refer to her as Marcy Darcy. You know, from Married with Children.... The Annoying little neighbour? That is my sister TracEy.  From the hair cut, to the patronizing looking down her nose at you voice, the wardrobe etc...Can't make this shit up. That is my sister. This may sound harsh, but I am so glad she saved the world from more of her by choosing not to reproduce. Woot! You're Welcome World.  At the end of tax season we have tentative plans for lunch. We'll see.

If you've been reading me for a while, you know I am not close with my siblings.  They are 5 of them and all much older than myself. Second youngest to oldest range from 12 years to 19 years older. I grew up as the baby and the only child. I was spoiled in ways as I did not have share anything. I did not have hand-me-downs. I did not have to share a room, I got to play sports every year etc.  There was is a lot of animosity towards me. Although they will all claim there is not, they way they talk down to me, treat me and dismiss my concerns, speak much louder than them claiming they like me, never mind love me. Read  here and here

Ok back on track here.

I'm not sure what came over me this past week. I've been having all sorts of dreams that involved my childhood, memories I've repressed, although not bad memories I haven't thought about them in some time, or ever.  This prompted me yesterday, without thinking to call 4 siblings, 1 niece, 1 cousin.

Results. 3 messages left, 2 conversations had. 1 no answer. I have one brother I won't bother with. He never returns the effort. I have no problems with him, we touch base every year but that's it.

Not sure how any of these contacts will result with anything positive, and not even sure why I'm doing it.
Maybe cos I'm in a place where I'm done trying to get their approval, have been for a long time.

I'll leave you here now, as I'm still trying to make sense of what prompted myself to ever call them after all the years of being blown off.

Sourpuss

I am miserable this morning. I really should have stayed home.
I was in a perfect mood this morning until I got off the bus with a co worker.
We work on a busy thur road. For those of you that do not know what that is, its a friggin busy street used by large trucks and semi's that are not allowed to use the regular business routes due to weight and height restrictions etc.

Anywhoo, this co worker saw a semi coming around the blind corner and ran out in front of it!!!! In the rain! This is the second time she's done this in the last few months that I've been witness too.  What pissed me off even more, is when I yelled at her at the office (okay not yelled but was mega pissed and shaken up by by the reality of what almost occurred)....she giggled and shrugged her shoulders. 

ARRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
The frustration in that is enough to make me cry.
She has a family, a husband and two kids and see absolutely NOTHING wrong with how close she came to getting smoked by a semi doing easily 70 km (that's 44 miles) on a corner where he could not see her. We can see the headlights on the median.  I tried to explain to her, semi's do not stop on a dime like cars can.  He would have been another few hundred feet past us by the time he could come to a complete stop after dragging her body with him.  Again, she shrugs. And then wonders why I'm so worked up. "Nothing happened", she said.   "This time." I uttered as I walked away so I wouldn't shake the stupidity out of her.

It's set the mood for today. The thought that she could be so careless with her life. And for my own selfishness that I do not want to claim her body or what I would have seen. So yes, I'm a little shaken up and riled up as she giggled at the situation.  It's harden me a little today. How or why should I care the next time it happens and she does get hit. Should I just shrug and giggle?

I want a do over on this morning.